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DK
02-19-2007, 12:19 AM
There's this guy, alright? And he's looking through the wanted ads for a job, you know? 'cause 2006 wasn't exactly the best year in the world for jobs, right? Duh. Anyway, he's looking for a job, oh wait. I forgot to mention one thing right, this dude doesn't have any arms. Armless. Okay so yeah, this guy is looking through the newspaper for a job and he finally finds this one thing, and the ad is all 'WANTED: One energetic young man to ring the bell in Church'. So this dude is all "Hey, I can ring the bell in the church!"

So he gets up and walks all the way across town to the church, gets there, BANGS his head on the door (knock knock knock) and the priest comes to the door and he's like "Yeeeeees my son?" and the armless dude is all "FATHER! I'VE COME TO RING THE BELL! :D"

So the priest is all "Kid, you don't have any arms, so how can you ring the bell?" and the dude is like "Duh, Father, don't you think I woulda thought of that before I came all the way over here to apply? Where's the bell I'll ring it okay?!" and the Priest goes "Okay so you'll have to prove you can ring it." and the dude is all "Okay so where's the bell let me ring :mad2:"

So they go like WAY up to the top of the bell tower, it's like four flights of stairs up and there's like no escalator or anything you know they have to walk up like the four stories of spiral staircase and they feel like barfing and stuff and they get way up to the top and there's this giant bell there and so the Priest is all "okay then, ring the bell."

So the guy backs way up, like way back and the bell's all the way over there, the armless dude backs way up and then starts RUNNING like face first towards the bell, he runs and runs and sticks his head forward then BANG! Runs straight into the bell face first and the bell goes "BOOOOOOONG..."

So the Priest can't believe it the Priest is standing there like this :redface: so he can't believe it and then he's like "Well, you rang the bell so I guess you can have the job" so the guy is all "YAAAY YAAAY YAAAY I GOT THE JOB"

So anyway everything is going great for about three months, three months everything is fine and every day this guy climbs up four flights of steps, twelve times a day! He has to go up and ring the bell so every time he goes up, stands back and runs, face first into the bell with the BOOOONG!

So, after three months goes by, I mean, the guy looks like a pancake you know? His face is all wrecked up and ugly and stuff BUT he doesn't care because he's raking in the big dough you know? So he doesn't care. So! Three months have gone by, ONE DAY he goes up ring the bell about...3 o'clock in the afternoon, so he's already rung the bell like....uh, a lot of times that day.

So just like he always does, he backs up like always, gets ready, starts to run towards the bell and then BANG! He trips. He falls right past the bell, right out the window, four stories down creamed all over the cement.

So this big crowd of peoples gathering all around him and this one guy crouches down and he's cradling the guys head in his arms 'cause the guys all smashed up over the floor, and this big fat ladies right next to him and she's all "WHO IS IT WHO WHO WHO IS IT WHO FELL FROM THE BELL TOWER?" And the guy who's down cradling the guy, he looks up at her and he goes "I don't know his name, but his face rings a bell!"

Rye
02-19-2007, 12:22 AM
... Was that young man's name... Lonny BoB? :cry:

BarelySeeAtAll
02-19-2007, 12:22 AM
:eep:
grrr, you made me read all that, for a lil joke...
lmoa:greenie:

XxSephirothxX
02-19-2007, 12:23 AM
Yeah and then some other guy goes and takes up the job and then the same thing happens and the passerby says "I don't know him, but he's a dead ringer for my brother."

oddler
02-19-2007, 12:24 AM
:choc2: Laughing my off ass.

Steve
02-19-2007, 12:44 AM
LOL I actually did lol at it told masterfully but man the joke was a little let down.

Agrias
02-19-2007, 12:46 AM
LOL I actually did lol at it told masterfully but man the joke was a little let down.

AGREED!

Rocket Edge
02-19-2007, 12:52 AM
:greenie::up:

Martyr
02-19-2007, 12:52 AM
LOL I actually did lol at it told masterfully but man the joke was a little let down.

That's what it's all about. Telling a long-friggin-ass joke that builds up to a punch-line that isn't so grand.

I know a ton of them. Well, I kow 1. Maybe 2. 3. 4. Snap...

Well, I'll tell you a long story that lets you down hard if you want.

Hey hey! Thanks to DK - rhyme - I know a fifth!

Psychotic
02-19-2007, 12:54 AM
That's such a sad story. I am truly sorry for this man's family. R.I.P. :(

Mirage
02-19-2007, 12:58 AM
Why didn't he just have someone tie the rope to his leg instead?

Yuriev's ghost
02-19-2007, 01:14 AM
ew

Martyr
02-19-2007, 01:32 AM
Why didn't he just have someone tie the rope to his leg instead?

Because nobody care's about cripples.

Except for the psychos, most people consider Martyrdom to be a source of comic relief.

Perhaps we all need to ask ourselves, "What is worth dying for?" Comedy? Tragedy? Children's Literature?

James Latimer Cockney Rebel
02-19-2007, 01:41 AM
I would seriously hug you or hump your leg or ravage your body or something similar if I were in the vicinity to do so.

Moon Rabbits
02-19-2007, 01:44 AM
tl/dr

I win.

Vincent, Thunder God
02-19-2007, 02:20 AM
Why didn't he just have someone tie the rope to his leg instead?

I thought he would pull the cord with his teeth.

rubah
02-19-2007, 02:59 AM
So did I!

azzie's was :up: 8)

mooglebunni608
02-19-2007, 06:07 AM
I love you.
Srsly.

Araciel
02-19-2007, 06:09 AM
oh yah well

a baby seal walks into a club

Martyr
02-19-2007, 06:10 AM
A man walks into a bar and says, "ouch"

I posted this somewhere else recently...

Resha
02-19-2007, 07:03 AM
this is like my second favourite joke in the universe. it makes me scream everytime, because it's so bad i have to laugh.

41-Inches-Wide
02-19-2007, 08:07 AM
WAAAAAA! That was bad. :D

Old Manus
02-19-2007, 01:22 PM
So there's this dude in the Air Force, right. One day for some reason he finds himself flying over the Sahara Desert, and he's sitting there admiring the view, when suddenly 'ohmygodoutoffuel!'. The jet goes into a tremendous nosedive towards the sand, so tremendous in fact, that the pilot took a second to note how tremendous this tremendous nosedive was, before hitting the ejector seat button and flying out into the sky.

When he landed in the sand a few minutes later, he got up and had a look around. There was sand to his left, sand to his right, sand in front, and sand behind. We'll just settle on the fact that there is a lot of sand, okay? So he starts to walk, bearing in mind he has no water, supplies, anything.

Some days pass, and he's crawling along the sand, desperate for some water. He's praying to God (whatever God that may be, do remember this is a multicultural joke) to keep him alive. He's just about to pass out, and in the distance, he sees a HUGE hotel. And I mean HUGE, we're talking Habbo Hotel style. So he decides to make his way towards it with the last of his energy.

Hours later, he reaches the front door and goes inside. At the desk, he asks the man there if he could have a room for the night and a drink of water. The man at the desk tells him that they have no rooms left at all, save for a pokey little room on the fourth floor with only a bed and a wardrobe inside. 'Oh that's alright, all I want is some food, water and a bed for the night' replies the man, and he gets escorted upstairs. Just before he enters the room, the bellboy tells him that if he hears any noises in the night, no matter how loud, just ignore it. The man replies that he's gonna sleep so much, he'll sleep right through it.

That night, the man is tucked up in bed, just falling asleep when he hears a rattling sound below him. He tries to ignore it, but this rattling sound gets louder and louder until it's so loud he decides to go and have a look. He goes downstairs to the third floor and has a look around, but he gets the feeling that the sound is coming from below, so he goes to the second floor. He walks around, but realises that the rattling sound is still coming from below. On the first floor he once again takes a look around, but once again find that the sound is still coming from below! He does the same on the ground floor, and decides that the sound must be coming from the basement.

Down he goes, and the rattling sound here is so loud he had to cover his ears! He turned on the light, and in the corner was a HUGE cage, and inside was a HUGE Gorilla, which was shaking the cage really loudly. The man feels sorry for this Gorilla, and (stupidly) decides to free it. As soon as the door opens, the Gorilla shouts 'RAAAARGH I'M GONNA GET YOU!', and the man turns around and legs it towards the stairs. The Gorilla chases him back up to the Ground Floor, and so the man quickly jumps in the elevator and goes to the first floor. When he gets out, he sees the Gorilla coming up the stairs! So he gets back in the lift and this time goes to the second floor, but the Gorilla beats him again coming up the stairs! He gets back in the elevator and goes to the third floor, but when the door opens the Gorilla is standing right in front of him! The man presses quickly for the fourth floor (the top floor) and gets out. He once again find the Gorilla coming up the stairs, and runs down the corridor.

This man was totally hauling ass towards his pokey little room, and manages to get inside and close the door before the Gorilla reaches him. The man jumps inside the little wardrobe and decides to hide there. Suddenly, the door to his room smashes open and the Gorilla runs inside, and moves towards the wardrobe. It rips open the door, grabs the man, and shouts 'Touch, you're it!'

Fonzie
02-19-2007, 02:33 PM
The Fonz approves these jokes :cool:

Bulldog
02-19-2007, 02:54 PM
Quite amusing, though I did not laugh.
Pardon me rudeness, aye.

Tempest
02-20-2007, 02:12 AM
:lol: Very funny, yet mysteriously sad.

Giga Guess
02-20-2007, 02:32 AM
Buh dum, TISH!

Xander
02-20-2007, 09:36 PM
Hehe silly jokes are funny :)

The Mog Ninja
02-21-2007, 08:49 AM
nice one manus

DarkLadyNyara
02-21-2007, 09:57 AM
That's what it's all about. Telling a long-friggin-ass joke that builds up to a punch-line that isn't so grand.
I know a couple of those. They're great for annoying the holy hell out of people. :D