Okay, okay so anyway

[I Took the Red Pill]

So this guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender to recommend a drink. The bartender says "a Grasshopper". So the guy orders a Grasshopper. Anyways, on the walk back home, he sees a grasshopper. He says "Hey, you know there's a drink named after you?" And the grasshopper says "You mean there's a drink named Irving?"

[Martyr]

I just died laughing!

Thanks jackass. I wanted to be an astronaut.

[Moon Rabbits]

Megalol. I heard this before but it was slightly different and the grasshopper was named Frank.

So a snail goes into a bar and the bartender picks him up and throws him out the window. The snail comes back a year later and asks: "What'd you do that for?"

Megalol~ :bigsmile:

[Agrias]

two irish men walk out of a bar......

BWAHAHAH

[Iceglow]

lol not as good as DK. but my joke turn:

Theres an english man, an irish man and a scotsman. They all see the same beautiful woman next to a cliff top outside a pub, the Scotsman puts his whisky aside and goes over "Y ye cannae be mae wife can yae?" (read as written it should give a poor scots accent to your voice XD) The woman smiles and said "I think you have competition" as the Englishman puts his beer down and says "Why would you want him, he's scottish and speaks like he's got an elephants trunk for a nose." At this the irish man laughs and puts his ginuess down to state "and it's not like he's any better, he's soft and pampered and englishmen know nothing of love or passion". The three men are getting angry and to quell the ensuring argument the woman takes her watch off and throws it over the cliff "should you go and get my watch and return it to me then I'll marry you but only one can have me. You also have only 10 minutes to go get it." she said. The Scotsman full of gusto says "Aye'll get your watch wee lassie and we'll have a grande old life in the highlands" And jumps off the cliff The Englishman not going to be beaten by a Scotsman says "Don't worry I'll go get your watch and we'll go live in London" and Jumps off, the Irish man keeps standing there and 10 minutes later when both the englishman and the scotsman fail to return she turns to him and asks him why he did not go to get the watch. "Why I set my watch back 10 minutes" he said before calmly walking down to the beach and recovering the watch and bringing it back.

[Shlup]

*adds that one to her list*

[escobert]

I think someone said that one in chat the other day. I know I heard it somewhere within the last week!

[Jowy]

Guy walks into a bar and orders five drinks. He slams them all down and orders another five. The bartender goes "whoa thar, slow down". The gentlemen drinks the five other drinks served to him and responds with "if you had what I do, you'd be drinking as quickly as possible!" The bartender, curious asks what that exactly is. The gentleman responds with "a dollar."

[DK]

Guy walks into a bar and orders five drinks. He slams them all down and orders another five. The bartender goes "whoa thar, slow down". The gentlemen drinks the five other drinks served to him and responds with "if you had what I do, you'd be drinking as quickly as possible!" The bartender, curious asks what that exactly is. The gentleman responds with "a dollar."

I lol'd :heart:

[Rocket Edge]

lol :up:

[Madame Adequate]

Guy walks into a bar and orders five drinks. He slams them all down and orders another five. The bartender goes "whoa thar, slow down". The gentlemen drinks the five other drinks served to him and responds with "if you had what I do, you'd be drinking as quickly as possible!" The bartender, curious asks what that exactly is. The gentleman responds with "a dollar."

:save: Classic.

And Englishman, Irishman, and Scotsman walk into a bar. The barman says "What is this, a joke?"

[Zeldy]

It didn't make me laugh, none of them do. Im too dumb to really get the meaning of them :]
Like my friends all say, I laugh at a joke three times. The first time when everyone else laughs but I don't really get it, the second time when I reaaally think about, but don't get it, and laugh again pretending, the third time is when I FINALLY get it, and then everyone laughs at me ;___;

[boys from the dwarf]

And Englishman, Irishman, and Scotsman walk into a bar. The barman says "What is this, a joke?"

My favourite yet. i have to remember that one.

[BarelySeeAtAll]

lmao
i guess am just in that mood!!!
what cute name!!!!
lmao even more

[Levian]

1. A little boy was visiting his grandmother and the young boy asked his grandmother,"grandma, how old are you"? She replied, "you shouldn't ask me questions like that". A few minutes past and the young boy asked his grandmother another question, "how much do you weight"? The grandmother replied, "you shouldn't ask me questions like that"!

The following week when the little boy went back to school he told his friends about the coversation he had with his grandmother and how he was unable to get an answer from her. The little boy's friends advised him to look on her drivers license, all t he information will be there.

The next week when the little boy was visiting his grandmother he told her he knew how much she weighed and how old she was. The grandmother didn't believe him until he told her,"you weight 130lb., and you are 65 years old". Then the little boy in a ba shfull way wispered to his grandmother, "I also know you got an F in Sex".


2. Why are there so many Johnsons in the phone book?

...

:/

They all have phones.

[fire_of_avalon]

Bacon and Eggs walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Sorry. We don't serve breakfast here."

That is my favorite joke in the world.

Also, I don't get the one about the watch. Is it supposed to be a let down like that?

[oddler]

Also, I don't get the one about the watch. Is it supposed to be a let down like that?

I'm glad someone else said that. I felt retarded.

[Tempest]

So this guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender to recommend a drink. The bartender says "a Grasshopper". So the guy orders a Grasshopper. Anyways, on the walk back home, he sees a grasshopper. He says "Hey, you know there's a drink named after you?" And the grasshopper says "You mean there's a drink named Irving?"
:lol:

two irish men walk out of a bar......

BWAHAHAH

That was damn funny! :chuckle:

[Dr Aum]

Three pieces of string walk into a bar. The first goes up to barman and says, "Three pints of beer please." The barman replies, "Sorry, we don't serve string in here." After breaking the news to his two friends, the second piece of string strides over to the bar and demands, "Three pints of beer please" to which the barman coolly replies, "I'm sorry, we don't serve string in here." The third piece of string says to his friends, "Don't worry guys, I know a way", and disappears into the gents, ties a knot just above his head and pulls out the ends so it's all frizzy. He glides back into the bar and says to the barman, "Three pints of beer please." The barman looks at him a second, thinks, then asks, "Are you a piece of string?" "No, I'm afraid not!"

If you can name the source or author (the version above is paraphrased), you may have my sock. My chocolate sock.

P.S.: Read the ending aloud if you don't understand. I debated with myself about how I should spell it.

[Rye]

I want your socks, Dr. Aum, but I just don't know. ;___;

The joke made me lawl though. May I have it anyway? I like socks. Huxley and Wes know this. :jess:

[Fonzie]

Three pieces of string walk into a bar. The first goes up to barman and says, "Three pints of beer please." The barman replies, "Sorry, we don't serve string in here." After breaking the news to his two friends, the second piece of string strides over to the bar and demands, "Three pints of beer please" to which the barman coolly replies, "I'm sorry, we don't serve string in here." The third piece of string says to his friends, "Don't worry guys, I know a way", and disappears into the gents, ties a knot just above his head and pulls out the ends so it's all frizzy. He glides back into the bar and says to the barman, "Three pints of beer please." The barman looks at him a second, thinks, then asks, "Are you a piece of string?" "No, I'm afraid not!"

If you can name the source or author (the version above is paraphrased), you may have my sock. My chocolate sock.

P.S.: Read the ending aloud if you don't understand. I debated with myself about how I should spell it.

The Fonz does not understand :confused:

[Dr Aum]

The Fonz does not understand :confused:

"No, I'm afraid not" is pronounced the same as "No, I'm a frayed knot," which is what the piece of string has become. Oh, and the joke's from Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman.

Oh, and Rye, you may have one of my rainbow toe socks, which I do not have, just as I do not have chocolate socks, and which are therefore mathematically equivalent to chocolate socks, which were mine (cf. my previous post) but are now yours.