Any one know any good puns?

[Savern Volaco]

The classic:
If i said you have a nice body.
Would you hold it against me?

_hehe_ so anyone have any good puns?

The cross eyed teacher had a problem controlling his pupils.

[oddler]

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

[Ouch!]

Two of those three are not puns.

[Savern Volaco]

Which two Please clarify?

[oddler]

Bah. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.

[Ouch!]

The classic:
If i said you have a nice body.
Would you hold it against me?


I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Those two.

Edit: I might as well contribute.

A man submitted ten puns to a pun contest, but none of them won. No pun in ten did.

[Savern Volaco]

Nice body...Hold it against me? I do believe it is one, i have been wrong before
Cross eyed teacher, could-ent control his pup-ils , I was sure that was one...huh! who knows I am not always bright.

[Ouch!]

The cross-eyed teacher one was a pun. Definition of a pun: "the humorous use of a word or phrase so as to emphasize or suggest its different meanings or applications, or the use of words that are alike or nearly alike in sound but different in meaning; a play on words."

Essentially a play on words, as it says.

[Savern Volaco]

kewl so did you write that from memory? erm Ouch! kewl name by the way

[Ouch!]

http://www.dictionary.reference.com is a fantastic thing.

[Savern Volaco]

hmmm kewl, haha I have to go get the cat out of the oven, meaning later I guess and God speed, for the final days are coming...or at least I am told by my adviser...the homeless guy living down my street.

[Levian]

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana?

[ljkkjlcm9]

I like witty humor, and a pun is a type of witty humor, basically.

"Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest"

"There was a sign on the lawn at a drug re-hab center that said 'Keep off the Grass'."

"It's better to love a short girl than not a tall."

THE JACKEL

[Chakan the forever man]

You're pretty. Pretty ugly.

[ReloadPsi]

Good pun is an oxymoron.

[Cloudane]

Q: How do cows search the internet?

A: Moogle.

[bipper]

love means nothing to a tennis player.

or is that double entendre?

[ljkkjlcm9]

love means nothing to a tennis player.

or is that double entendre?

double entendre is, that guy really knows how to treat a pussy... as he pets a cat

THE JACKEL

[bipper]

love means nothing to a tennis player.

or is that double entendre?

double entendre is, that guy really knows how to treat a pussy... as he pets a cat

THE JACKAL

YEah, I know what a double entendre is, it just so happens that they are so close to puns, I dunno what I could get away with. :D (mine was a litteral double entendre as well)

Well officer dan, you are gonna have to go tell the nimpho in apartment 9 to come quietly.

[Araciel]

three parts on or around a woodstove?

lifter leg and poker?

[Giga Guess]

I know one that borders on bad taste. Leeza knows the one I speak of... ;)

[Chrisrj]

What do you call it when mourners are at a dessert's funeral?








Sundae mourning!

I drew that in a comic strip once :P

[Spammerman]

The classic:
If i said you have a nice body.
Would you hold it against me?


Im pretty sure thats a pickup line.

[Agrias]

I dont need a pun, just look at my face and you'll laugh till you die! ;o

[Araciel]

I dont need a pun, just look at my face and you'll laugh till you die! ;o

do i laugh or cry?

[Griff]

Will termites eat trees?
They would.

[Dr. Acula]

I still miss my ex, but my aim's improving.

[blackmage_nuke]

Why did the musician have 2 hydroxides
Wanted to play the double bass

Whats the difference between an inuendo and a double entendre anyway?

[No.78]

Good puns don't exist!!!