Doctor Kanno. Unliscenced Psychologist

[Wolf Kanno]

So I'm setting up shop here in the General forums and I'll be taking your calls or posts about your life problems. At which point I'll come up with some clever answer that really doesn't solve anything and most likely belittles you but you still end up paying my steep fee's...

I'll answer any problem, even made up ones; so let your imaginations run wild.

[Bart's Friend Milhouse]

Can you find me a cure for my latent vampirism?

[The Triumphant Hero]

I have a completely irrational fear of psychologists...Wait! NO! GET AWAY!!!

[Firo Volondé]

Can you help my PS2? I want to play FFX, but it's awesome level is far too high for my PS2. I think it has a self-esteem problem.

[Flying Mullet]

My dog likes to smell its own farts. What should I do?

[Giga Guess]

I am an unwed stripper prostitute mother of 8, and I'm trying to find their fathers.

Oh, wait, the Jerry Springer auditions are down the hall, aren't they?

[Renmiri]

I have an irrational fear of horses but I own a ranch in Texas and dress as a cowboy. Whatever shall I do ?!?!?

PS: I like goats though. I once spent 7 minutes reading the same page of a book about one in live TV

[ReloadPsi]

You gotta help me Kanno, I have this funny feeling that the psychologist I'm trying to contact right now has no interest as evidenced by his six hours of inactivity in his own institution!

[Christmas]

http://www.sparelimited.com/psy/hank.jpg

I am not prepared. What do I do? :(

[Nominus Experse]

I am alive. How do I cure this?

[Giga Guess]

I am alive. How do I cure this?

*Glitch!*

Problem solved.

[theundeadhero]

Sometimes I pee the bed. Sometimes I pour water on a sleeping person's bed and then when they wake up give them a hard time because they "pee'd the bed". Sometimes I want to pee on other people while they sleep. I don't know how much longer I can hold out before I give in :whimper:

[Wolf Kanno]

Can you help my PS2? I want to play FFX, but it's awesome level is far too high for my PS2. I think it has a self-esteem problem.

Your PS2 is fine, it's just telling you to not waste your time. You should be out enjoying the world or at least playing better games. Your PS2 is just trying to help you. I feel it's telling you to go out and find yourself a woman... and a man... and perhaps that goat Renmiri has an obssession with...


My dog likes to smell its own farts. What should I do?

Train it to smell other people's farts, that way you will always know "who dealt it"


I am an unwed stripper prostitute mother of 8, and I'm trying to find their fathers.

Oh, wait, the Jerry Springer auditions are down the hall, aren't they?

Damn! how did you find me... I mean er no... We live in a modern society where a woman should not be bound by the authority of a man (or his child support)so take heed in the fact that god has blessed you with the opportunity to live so free from manly tyranny.


I have an irrational fear of horses but I own a ranch in Texas and dress as a cowboy. Whatever shall I do ?!?!?

PS: I like goats though. I once spent 7 minutes reading the same page of a book about one in live TV

Release a country and western album. You already have the street cred (or is it ranch cred?) and no one actually expects you to deal with horses. Most country and western stars have never even seen a horse in person.

As for the goat... It is very healthy for a person to consider alternative lifestyles and the heavy drinking and drugs brought on by your future singing career will certainly make you experience it one way or the other. But as you can see from my patient Firo. You need to share these styles with the people who really need it. Think of it as the start of your petty humanitarian side that is brought upon you by your career after you check out of the Betty Ford clinic.


You gotta help me Kanno, I have this funny feeling that the psychologist I'm trying to contact right now has no interest as evidenced by his six hours of inactivity in his own institution!

Don't worry, unlike your psychologist I have an excuse. I was just out drinking with the fairer sex in a sad attempt to comfort my lonely existence with a woman. A woman... who we might say is from a "questionable moral background" but loneliness and alcohol makes you do odd things and I woke up a day later in a bathtub filled with ice and a note... FWI, it is completely true that you only need one kidney to survive;)



http://www.sparelimited.com/psy/hank.jpg

I am not prepared. What do I do? :(

Preparation is in the mind only and you are more than capable of... (notices the name of the patient.) ...Take out as many people as you can in the ensuing chaos and blame Manus for it.


I am alive. How do I cure this?

How many times have I told you to "walk down the street" not "across it" if that doesn't help. Talk to Christmas at some point today.



I am alive. How do I cure this?

*Glitch!*

Problem solved.

Hey now... I'm the unliscenced doctor here:mad: If a pateint is going to die on me, I want it to be by my hands!


Sometimes I pee the bed. Sometimes I pour water on a sleeping person's bed and then when they wake up give them a hard time because they "pee'd the bed". Sometimes I want to pee on other people while they sleep. I don't know how much longer I can hold out before I give in :whimper:

You suffer from anal control and an unhealthy anti-social behavior that makes you hate everyone around you. This may have been brought upon by the lack of attention as a child and an overbearing parent who used fear to control you. Of course I could also be pulling this out of my ass in a sad attempt to sound important since I can't remember if I actually made it with the "lady friend" I mentioned above.

Basically I'm using you as a stepping board to boost my own personal confidence and I really don't care about your sad bladder problem. All I'll say is keep up the good work. If I have to live a sad lonely existence with my personal inadequecies then why not everyone else?


Can you find me a cure for my latent vampirism?

Become a raver. No one will be able to tell the difference. If Raves are not your thing, then kick a puppy. It won't solve your problem but don't you feel better?:)

[Owen Macwere]

I don't have any more chips, what should I do now?

[Bunny]

I have daddy issues. Should I cry?

[Hazzard]

My hip hurts, and itches. What does that mean, am I dying?

[Nominus Experse]

I have a Mormon friend. What can cure this?

[Bunny]

I have a Mormon friend. What can cure this?

Take two and call me in the morning.

[Wolf Kanno]

I don't have any more chips, what should I do now?

It depends on what type of chips we're discussing here. If it's potatoe chips then get a job and spend your paycheck on them you lazy bum.

If it's gambling chips then just walk into the dark alley way and place yourself within the experience of the "worlds' oldest profession" hopefully you can make some more dough on that.

If it's the type of chips that are slang word used to reference my unique mental imbalance then you're are out of luck and I'll give this as a sign of future reference of what happens...Penny Arcade! - I Hope You Like Text (http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2006/04/10)


I have daddy issues. Should I cry?

No, you should be crying cause your question forced me to have to kill an invalid child in order to give me the aphrodesiac used to come up with this rather stupid and convulated answer.


My hip hurts, and itches. What does that mean, am I dying?

I don't know what it is but, my 6 years in a 2 year community college tell me that there is a 95% chance that you will die within the next week because of it.


I have a Mormon friend. What can cure this?

Shoot him.

If you were hoping to maintain friendship and cure the mormonism then send this friend over to my place. I'm on a first name basis with the seven deadly sins and your friend and I will have a nice long lost vintage weekend together.

If your friend isn't cured then resort to my original diagnosis as they are obviously incurable.

[Chakan the forever man]

I need help getting past the first stage of The Adventures of Bat-Man & Robin, I downloaded the Rom game for the SNES and I don't have the instruction manual. However, I figured out most of the mechanics of the game.

[Chemical]

Can I call you Lucy? And if I do does that demonstrate behaviour that may uncover the depths of my psyche.

By the way - did you know Freud is a kind of fish?

[Giga Guess]

Doctor, I have the uncontrollable urge to make wild uncontrollable mansecks with you! Is this because of my abandonment issues, and codependent nature, or an I just easy.

[Ko Ko]

Doctor, I seem to have an attraction to complete a*holes. Why is this?

[Wolf Kanno]

I need help getting past the first stage of The Adventures of Bat-Man & Robin, I downloaded the Rom game for the SNES and I don't have the instruction manual. However, I figured out most of the mechanics of the game.

There is no second stage to Batman and Robin cause god hates you. In fact all comic book based video games were created as a form of punishment by god. As well as video game movies, the opposite sex, religion and spicy foods were all created by a wrathful god in order to punish us for the simple reason of existing.


Can I call you Lucy? And if I do does that demonstrate behaviour that may uncover the depths of my psyche.


By the way - did you know Freud is a kind of fish?

I've been called worse and no, it does not say anything about your psyche but rather your age.

Your comment on useless facts speaks volume of your psyche though. Take some aspirin, stop watching educational shows and hopefully no one will die in the next few days.


Doctor, I have the uncontrollable urge to make wild uncontrollable mansecks with you! Is this because of my abandonment issues, and codependent nature, or an I just easy.

You're just easy and I'm sexy. I could easily tell that you wanted to take me to your secret clubhouse where you would do horrible things to me young and beautiful body... old people express their love in such twisted ways I'm afraid.


Doctor, I seem to have an attraction to complete a*holes. Why is this?

Most woman date assholes cause they have an overabundance of confidence which women find attractive. Women seek out two types of mates, the type they can settle down with which are those that have the qualities of being dependable, self-driven, and generally compassionate.

The other type are the more attractive and have a grand deal of confidence which woman find sexy but only see these type of men as a fling at best. Women desire confidence from both types but it's obvious that attractive assholes have more than enough and love to flaunt it.

I suggest that you try to learn more about the people you date before you date them. If for anything, so you don't waste your time on trying to find the "one".

If you have no intention of settling down and assholes are just your "thing". I recommend you date me immediately :D

[Renmiri]

If you have no intention of settling down and assholes are just your "thing". I recommend you date me immediately :D

:p Good line :p

But somehow methinks you would make a very poor asshole WK ;)

[Ko Ko]

*laugh*

I have Prom in 3 hours, and consequently, I am going with a very nice, sensitive boy whom I have no attraction to at all, and I feel rather bad about it.

And you're right, I have no intentions of settling down at all, but I don't want to be a cat lady - so I guess it's just my problem!

Thanks Doc'. ^^

[Odaisé Gaelach]

I want to have babies.

[Dr. Acula]

Can I be your receptionist?

[Agrias]

can i be your secretary/wife?

[Nominus Experse]

I've had this growth called a family unit for a number of years now; however, it has now begun interfering with my personal life.

What might I do to remove this rather large, 19 year old growth?

[Wolf Kanno]

If you have no intention of settling down and assholes are just your "thing". I recommend you date me immediately :D

:p Good line :p

But somehow methinks you would make a very poor asshole WK ;)


You got me. Though I can be very surly when I need to be. Sometimes I'm downright bitchy... wait that doesn't sound right...


*laugh*

I have Prom in 3 hours, and consequently, I am going with a very nice, sensitive boy whom I have no attraction to at all, and I feel rather bad about it.

And you're right, I have no intentions of settling down at all, but I don't want to be a cat lady - so I guess it's just my problem!

Thanks Doc'. ^^

I don't mind cats... and I can learn to be an asshole...:cry:


I want to have babies.

Are you a woman? If so, find a man an d let nature take it's course.

If you are a man, find yourself a man and adopt a child. Then film a fake birthing so you can truly clinch your denial of not being a woman.

If this was a "sexual advance" on me then shame on you... I don't want kids:p


Can I be your receptionist?

Certainly... I don't have to pay you though? Not one patient has payed me yet. Until I get payed, no one gets payed:mad2:


can i be your secretary/wife?

(Note: for Furuba fans... picture Ayame Sohma giving this speech);)

The position for secratary has been filled I'm afraid. As for the position for my wife... You have to understand what you are really getting yourself into. My stunning looks, my vast fortune, my need to travel to exotic locations, and of course my pathological lying.

If you can look past these imperfections from me then surly we can join together in fangasmic experience of martial bliss that would truly define the meaning of the "holy sanctity" of marriage. An experience that will fullfill every single one of your emotional, physical, and spiritual pleasures in a way that transcends human experience itself!


I've had this growth called a family unit for a number of years now; however, it has now begun interfering with my personal life.

What might I do to remove this rather large, 19 year old growth?

I've dealt with this before... you have only two options.

1) You need an expensive operation called "moving out" it takes more money than you imagine but perhaps you can find friends or strangers to help pay for it. Luckily the operation price varies but if you pay once with comrades the operation affects all of you.

Now here's the tricky part since the growth tends to follow since it's never completely removed from you if you do this normally. You need to do the operation in secret. Remove your belongings slowly in small, almost unoticeable quantities. Until you only have enough to make one "big move" in less than four hours and in the dark of night. You will have to make excuses to the "growth" as to why things are missing. You will also have to come to the realization that you may have to forsake some things in order to make this successful. Hopefully if all goes according to plan, you will have removed the "growth" in such a way that it can no longer find you.

WARNING!!! If the growth does find you again you will experience greater problems than before you had the operation. In which case, resort ot solution no.2

2) Kill them, then eat them so there is no evidence.

[Odaisé Gaelach]

Doctor, I just got stood up and can't stop feeling miserable about it... :(

[Christmas]

I dug you a grave, I hope you like it. :bigsmile:

[Chemical]

Your diagnosis was about as vague as a newspaper horoscope.


:cool:

I'll stick to Peanuts.

Freud isn't actually a type of fish.... it's a pun or whatever... get it? Freud... Fish ;o HOW DARING and WITTY!

[Agrias]

can i be your secretary/wife?

(Note: for Furuba fans... picture Ayame Sohma giving this speech);)

The posi<b></b>tion for secratary has been filled I'm afraid. As for the posi<b></b>tion for my wife... You have to understand what you are really getting yourself into. My stunning looks, my vast fortune, my need to travel to exotic locations, and of course my pathological lying.

If you can look past these imperfections from me then surly we can join together in fangasmic experience of martial bliss that would truly define the meaning of the "holy sanctity" of marriage. An experience that will fullfill every single one of your emotional, physical, and spiritual pleasures in a way that transcends human experience itself!

I accept your offer! And i raise 20! Also, what should i wear to a job interview when its an old greek man who has all his waitresses where short skirts? I dont look good in short skirts! -dies-

[Ko Ko]

I NEVER want to have babies because I don't want my future husband (if I ever get one - most guys are asiaphiles nowadays, the morons) to leave me.
Will he leave me if I get all fat like that? :cry:

[Wolf Kanno]

Doctor, I just got stood up and can't stop feeling miserable about it... :(

I'm sorry for your misfortune as I am well aquainted with being stood up. My philosophy is to share your misery by burning something. Watching fire dance about is very theraputic, Especially when the thing that is burning is people:D


I dug you a grave, I hope you like it. :bigsmile:

How nice of you!

This is still not going to count towards your bill from me.;)


Your diagnosis was about as vague as a newspaper horoscope.


:cool:

I'll stick to Peanuts.

Freud isn't actually a type of fish.... it's a pun or whatever... get it? Freud... Fish ;o HOW DARING and WITTY!

See people? Classic symptons of a serial killer!

My diagnosis is a as vague as I choose them to be. It's up to you to come up with the correct answer for yourself. The problem with psychology is that it can't really give you an answer, it gives you data which you have to choose how to use. Only you can really help yourself, I'm only here to direct you in the right path.





can i be your secretary/wife?

(Note: for Furuba fans... picture Ayame Sohma giving this speech);)

The position for secratary has been filled I'm afraid. As for the position for my wife... You have to understand what you are really getting yourself into. My stunning looks, my vast fortune, my need to travel to exotic locations, and of course my pathological lying.

If you can look past these imperfections from me then surly we can join together in fangasmic experience of martial bliss that would truly define the meaning of the "holy sanctity" of marriage. An experience that will fullfill every single one of your emotional, physical, and spiritual pleasures in a way that transcends human experience itself!

I accept your offer! And i raise 20! Also, what should i wear to a job interview when its an old greek man who has all his waitresses where short skirts? I dont look good in short skirts! -dies-

I fold! Too rich for my blood:(

But everyone looks good in miniskirts! If that isn't going to convince you then wear some shorts under the skirt and begin a new fashion sense. If some asks, scream "Sexual Harrasment" and you'll quickly find most people will just let you be.

On a side note, I don't require miniskirts at my job but sexy cocktail dresses. You hear that Acula?


I NEVER want to have babies because I don't want my future husband (if I ever get one - most guys are asiaphiles nowadays, the morons) to leave me.
Will he leave me if I get all fat like that? :cry:

I don't think it's you putting on some weight that would scare them as much as it was the "child". Men like "making babies" we don't necessarily have an interest in "raising them" since it requires the "C" word.

Solution: Only date men who have had a vasectomy or are willing to have the procedure:cool:

[bipper]

I am in love with an unlicensed psychologist, what do I do?

[Dr. Acula]

Can I be your receptionist?

Certainly... I don't have to pay you though? Not one patient has payed me yet. Until I get payed, no one gets payed:mad2:


If you give me mocking rights of your patients, that will be pay enough. If you give me bashing rights of your patients, I will overlook the fact I have to wear a skanky cocktail dress.

[Peegee]

Help doctor! I'm in the trunk of a car and it's filling up with water!

[Wolf Kanno]

I am in love with an unlicensed psychologist, what do I do?

It's a good thing you came to me to talk about such a serious topic. Don't bother. Let me be the first to tell you that all unliscenced psychologist are dead beat losers who like to belittle others in a sad attempt to bring meaning to their pathetic existence. I don't know who this person is but take my advice not to bother unless alcohol and loneliness are invloved.






Can I be your receptionist?

Certainly... I don't have to pay you though? Not one patient has payed me yet. Until I get payed, no one gets payed:mad2:


If you give me mocking rights of your patients, that will be pay enough. If you give me bashing rights of your patients, I will overlook the fact I have to wear a skanky cocktail dress.

Certainly, I wouldn't have it any other way. I prefer my skanky co-workers to be bitchy and nasty like myself.;)

[Bunny]

I have died. What should I do now?

[Dr. Acula]

I have died. What should I do now?

Haha! Shame!! *bashes*
I love my job.:cool:

[bipper]

I am in love with an unlicensed psychologist, what do I do?

It's a good thing you came to me to talk about such a serious topic. Don't bother. Let me be the first to tell you that all unliscenced psychologist are dead beat losers who like to belittle others in a sad attempt to bring meaning to their pathetic existence. I don't know who this person is but take my advice not to bother unless alcohol and loneliness are invloved.



fuck me now.

[Nominus Experse]

I took a bath, but I used bleach instead of water...
I now have no skin. This seems to be a problem.

I have also noticed that this small critter

http://www.pokemonelite2000.com/pictures/anime/anime298.jpg

has attached itself to my right testicle.

[Wolf Kanno]

Help doctor! I'm in the trunk of a car and it's filling up with water!

See, had you kept your mouth shut when I was placing you in my trunk you would not have alerted that cop. Now He's dead cause I killed him and I had to ditch the car in the lake.

The lesson: Children should be seen and not heard, or in the case of them being kidnapped and placed in a car by a shady unliscenced psychologist: The y should not be seen or heard :D


I have died. What should I do now?

Rejoice in knowing you won't live to see the day FFX-3 is released. Or I get to have quality time with a woman again.;)




I am in love with an unlicensed psychologist, what do I do?

It's a good thing you came to me to talk about such a serious topic. Don't bother. Let me be the first to tell you that all unliscenced psychologist are dead beat losers who like to belittle others in a sad attempt to bring meaning to their pathetic existence. I don't know who this person is but take my advice not to bother unless alcohol and loneliness are invloved.



smurf me now.

*SMURF*

Was it good for you?;)


I took a bath, but I used bleach instead of water...
I now have no skin. This seems to be a problem.

I have also noticed that this small critter

http://www.pokemonelite2000.com/pictures/anime/anime298.jpg

has attached itself to my right testicle.

You seem like you are quite the cleaner. I could use someone to dispose... I mean clean up my place after my late night sessions with patients.

Onto your problem. Having no skin will make your senses even greater so use them to overcome your handicap of no defense against disease and the elements. As for the creature, fear not... for it is a testical fairy who comes when it senses the stench of burning pubic hair. If you cut off your testicles and leave them in a busy intersection with the Testicle Fairy; it will return one year later with a ball of twine in exchange.

Now take the ball of twine and go to ther southern reaches of the Congo. There you will find a tribe that needs a ball of twine in order to appease their wrathful god. The god in thanks will give you a duck that doesn't quack which you must immediately take to a man in Belgium who has been in a coma for 69 years. This man will awake and be so grateful he will give you a Barrle of Ale his ancestor made to be used only for special occasions. Now travel to Greenland and give it to the love sick whale marroned on it's icy beaches. This will give it the confidence it needs to get some action. With the whale gone, the local village can go back to making their documentary on how to properly club a baby seal. Search the rotting corpses of seal guts to find a ruby ring...

Now here's the important part: Take the ring to 12th side boulevard Brooklyn. There you will meet MC Snuggles who you will have to defeat in a "Yo Mama" contest. Afterwards he will take you to New Jersey where you must collect the various parts to help rebuild Coop's XLR in order to thwart the alien invasion. Afterwards when you are celebrating with a philly cheese steak sandwichs, tell him the secret message I'm telepathically telling you now and he will lead you to a magical wardrobe that takes you to a magical world it rain gummi bears and koala's crap rainbow's into people's brains. Wait until a meteor hits the planet and knocks you into the middle of nowhere. There you will come across a farm house. Don't bother speaking to the old woman cause she is oblivious to everything. DO NOT talk to the old farmer as he will chase you away. Instead speak to the purlpe dog as he is the only one there who knows the truth. He will lead you to a washing machine that will return you to our world. It will specifically leave you in Cleavland Ohio where you will see a little girl crying cause she doesn't know how to jump rope. Teach her how to do it and once she can skip to 100 she will give you the "Sword of Heroes" which is the most powerful sword in the game and adds +25 to your attack and sarcasm as well as adds a +5% to your "verbal wounding" ability.

With this bad boy, it's easy to defeat the evil Overlord and win the game of life. Congratulations!:cool:

[Peegee]

Good doctor I have escaped from my watery tomb (next time don't leave the internal handle intact). Now I need to hunt down a certain, too mouthy, pendantic armchair psychologist.

How do I go about doing this?

[Bunny]

I have died. What should I do now?

Haha! Shame!! *bashes*
I love my job.:cool:

You should ask Dr. Kanno what the cure for lame is. You've got a nasty case of it.

[Christmas]

My fish can't walk nor does it give birth to an elephant. :(

[Giga Guess]

My fish can't walk nor does it give birth to an elephant. :(

Yeah, I have that same problem! Stupid fish.

[yanis]

Doc, I'm addicted to eoff...:cry:

[NeoCracker]

Dr. Kanno, I have a major problem. As time goes on, I have been falling more and more in love with a certain Poster on this forum. They way his hair magicly flows in my imagination every time he says something. The smooth tone of his voice (Which I never actually heard by the way) magicly sooths my every nerve. However, it seems as of late he has abandoned us all. I don't want to tell him my love for him unless he is here to hear it, so that I won't feel embarassed when he doesn't answer my love for him. So tell me Dr, is it worth the risk of exposing my love to a person I almost know won't answer me, or should shall I leave his name anonymous?

[Spammerman]

Can you find me a cure for my latent vampirism?

Theres one of those in Oblivion.

[Dr. Acula]

I have died. What should I do now?

Haha! Shame!! *bashes*
I love my job.:cool:

You should ask Dr. Kanno what the cure for lame is. You've got a nasty case of it.

That's not very nice! But I'll ask him anyway.
Dr. Kanno, what's the cure for lame?

[Wolf Kanno]

Good doctor I have escaped from my watery tomb (next time don't leave the internal handle intact). Now I need to hunt down a certain, too mouthy, pendantic armchair psychologist.

How do I go about doing this?

I knew I should have used the Oldsmobile...:shifty:

Certainly don't talk to the "one armed man". Though he is the only one who knows that I'm currently stalking a certain individual...



My fish can't walk nor does it give birth to an elephant. :(

You should return it and ask for a new one. If they refuse... release a snake into the hamster pit. If that only gets you kicked out... stay in front of the store and tell people they sell their unsold animals to the local chinese food store for quick catch. Also that the manager sodomizes the animals every night.


Doc, I'm addicted to eoff...:cry:

Either spam the threads with insulting and un-PC slander so Unne bans you or come to the realization that you have a problem... You are addicted to other people's problems and you like to talk about it. Basically you are emo... so start an emo rock band and sing songs about cutting yourself. You'll be too busy with drugs and your career to care anymore.


Dr. Kanno, I have a major problem. As time goes on, I have been falling more and more in love with a certain Poster on this forum. They way his hair magicly flows in my imagination every time he says something. The smooth tone of his voice (Which I never actually heard by the way) magicly sooths my every nerve. However, it seems as of late he has abandoned us all. I don't want to tell him my love for him unless he is here to hear it, so that I won't feel embarassed when he doesn't answer my love for him. So tell me Dr, is it worth the risk of exposing my love to a person I almost know won't answer me, or should shall I leave his name anonymous?

I admire your courage to come to me with such a serious problem. My advice is to try and talk to this person directly. Try to PM them or send them an email with a straightforward but concise message of your feelings. If that doesn't work... Start a thread about it and post pictures of yourself photoshopped into looking like a cat lady that proclaim your undying love for this person...






I have died. What should I do now?

Haha! Shame!! *bashes*
I love my job.:cool:

You should ask Dr. Kanno what the cure for lame is. You've got a nasty case of it.

That's not very nice! But I'll ask him anyway.
Dr. Kanno, what's the cure for lame?

Lame can be cured by combining Christmas' hatred with Schlupquack's insanity and finally a dash of Roto's Awesomesause. That or you get some malcontent forum troll bent on ruling the interweb.

[Peegee]

Good doctor I have approached the one-armed man as you suggested, but I didn't know what to do with him.

I now have three arms, so to speak, and a screaming, irate man.

What do I do?

[Serapy]

I love to watch my watch ticking most of times, care to explain why? :)

[Hazzard]

A monkey bit my ankle and called me Jimbo, should I worry that I might of been adopted by monkeys, and my name is in fact-"Jimbo" ?

[Wolf Kanno]

Good doctor I have approached the one-armed man as you suggested, but I didn't know what to do with him.

I now have three arms, so to speak, and a screaming, irate man.

What do I do?

Stuff the extra arm in the screaming man's mouth to shut him up. Now while he's no longer making noise, you need to quickly dive in and grab those precious organs he no longer needs. The quality doesn't need to be great as long as they are still functioning... this is imperetive as you need to move quickly!!! Then sell them to Earl who lives down the street. He'll get you a nice sum of cash. Now take a trip to Jamaica and I'll meet you there with your "psychologist".


I love to watch my watch ticking most of times, care to explain why? :)

It means you have a compulsary urge to do monotonous things. You probably like watching grass grow... :rolleyes2 Anyway, I feel you need to get out and explore the world cause obviously you have way too much time on your hands. Explore, fall in love, get a job, steal from this job, create memories, kill a hobo, run for office, break up, cry, laugh, and otherwise live. We really don't have much time in our lives and it's so easy for us to let our dreams slip away...


A monkey bit my ankle and called me Jimbo, should I worry that I might of been adopted by monkeys, and my name is in fact-"Jimbo" ?

Yes, but in reality you need to be more concerned about a man named Snake cause he hunts monkeys. Also be aware if the monkeys start training you for the "revolution". A war is coming people... the monkeys are being trained to use "barrels" to fight us. We need hammers as quickly as possible:shifty:

[Peegee]

'Jamaican me crazy, heir doctor'

So I killed Earl like you told me to and stole his cash. Now I'm hiding out in Jamaica while people are after me, but that cursed psychologist who locked me in that car will have to die.

BTW when are you coming?

Oh crap, I swallowed the poison tipped dart I meant to shoot you....I mean that angsty psychologist! What do I do??

[Jessweeee♪]

I have low self-esteem.

[Nominus Experse]

I have low self-esteem.
Bleach is a lovely elixir to cure such a thing

[Ouch!]

I got asked to prom by a creepy girl with whom I've spoken for maybe a collective thirty minutes over the past four years. What is the best manner in which to let her down easy, by which I mean "get her to leave me the hell alone?"

[Croyles]

Of course I could also be pulling this out of my ass in a sad attempt to sound important since I can't remember if I actually made it with the "lady friend" I mentioned above.


This is exactly the problem I have. Either that or someone snatches my girl, which then ends in me easily pushing him to the floor since the 'body snatchers' are usually even more drunk than I am. This doesnt help the situation though, since the woman usually ends up getting well away from both of us. Is rape the only solution? My other psychiatrist told me so, but im questioning his competence (if only slightly). I may sew him and seek your psychological help on a permanent basis.

[Wolf Kanno]

First I would like to apologize for my "extended absence" but I have a good reason and Pureghetto knows all about it:mad:


'Jamaican me crazy, heir doctor'

So I killed Earl like you told me to and stole his cash. Now I'm hiding out in Jamaica while people are after me, but that cursed psychologist who locked me in that car will have to die.

BTW when are you coming?

Oh crap, I swallowed the poison tipped dart I meant to shoot you....I mean that angsty psychologist! What do I do??

I came as soon as I heard and performed the heimleck to save you dear... I thought you had forgiven me for the whole "trying to kill" you thing and we were sharing drinks and being buddies when I "had a few too many" and once again woke up in a bathtub filled ice and a bloody note...

Where is my other kidney Pureghetto?


I have low self-esteem.

I'm sorry you are worthless unlike wonderful, perfect me.

You just need a little more positive reinforcement. I suggest you always enter a room by saying "BEHOLD THE GREATNESS THAT IS I!"

If that doesn't help, buy a whore and pay them to "make you feel better about yourself" that's what I do ;)



I have low self-esteem.
Bleach is a lovely elixir to cure such a thing

Neither the chemical nor the anime/manga is a sure fire cure for anything though bopth do have a tingling burning sensation as a side effect of exposure.


I got asked to prom by a creepy girl with whom I've spoken for maybe a collective thirty minutes over the past four years. What is the best manner in which to let her down easy, by which I mean "get her to leave me the hell alone?"

Just tell her you are gay. Then pay one of your friends to make out with you in front of her to seal the deal...

If that is not a comfortable option, just tell her you are into animals. Preferrably invertabrates.



Of course I could also be pulling this out of my ass in a sad attempt to sound important since I can't remember if I actually made it with the "lady friend" I mentioned above.


This is exactly the problem I have. Either that or someone snatches my girl, which then ends in me easily pushing him to the floor since the 'body snatchers' are usually even more drunk than I am. This doesnt help the situation though, since the woman usually ends up getting well away from both of us. Is rape the only solution? My other psychiatrist told me so, but im questioning his competence (if only slightly). I may sew him and seek your psychological help on a permanent basis.

Do so, cause I need less competitiion. I fully understand your woman troubles and sometimes wonder if I should "switch teams" myself. But neither of us can quit. Hell I'll be your wing man.

Honestly, just be yourself. I'm certain as long as you can convey how wonderful you really are you will be able to win over any girl you want. You just need to be confident (see my session with Iri Valentine) and not be a total ass. Of course you need a "good" wing man to deflect the "body snatcher" (hopefully he will permanently solve the issue:shifty: )and give you enough time to show the lady friend that you are actually decent member of the male species.

[Peegee]

I came as soon as I heard and performed the heimleck to save you dear... I thought you had forgiven me for the whole "trying to kill" you thing and we were sharing drinks and being buddies when I "had a few too many" and once again woke up in a bathtub filled ice and a bloody note...

Where is my other kidney Pureghetto?

I wouldn't know. I'm at the opposite end of the washroom with a chain around my ankle and a cassette player in my pocket.

This reminds me of a horror movie. Quick! Smash the head of the person in the middle! Wait there isn't one! What do we do??

[Wolf Kanno]

I came as soon as I heard and performed the heimleck to save you dear... I thought you had forgiven me for the whole "trying to kill" you thing and we were sharing drinks and being buddies when I "had a few too many" and once again woke up in a bathtub filled ice and a bloody note...

Where is my other kidney Pureghetto?

I wouldn't know. I'm at the opposite end of the washroom with a chain around my ankle and a cassette player in my pocket.

This reminds me of a horror movie. Quick! Smash the head of the person in the middle! Wait there isn't one! What do we do??

Well first I'm going to take your kidney... then leave you to die like I originally planned. Afterwards I'm going to kill a close relative and take their kidney and then head off to the bar with Croyles and be his wingman:D

Ta-ta

[Agrias]

Neocracker is my girlfriend...Isnt there something wrong with that?

[Wolf Kanno]

Neocracker is my girlfriend...Isnt there something wrong with that?

Yes... good god yes...

Dating Neocracker is sign that you have a phobia based on relationships coupled with a denial to your "furry fetish".

My recommendation is to lock Neocracker in a closet and seek immediate psychological guidance ASAP.

When did you first notice that you were dating Neocracker?

[Serapy]

No, I do not like to watch grass grow :( That's too boring lol. I just love to watch my watch whenever I'm bored because when I watch it, it brings me back to memories and thinking about them... such great memories =P... couldn't really describe it properly. Memories + time ticking = pwnage!

Thanks for your help anyways, not what I expected though because I do go out and live it until I die. Getting a girlfriend is not an necessary option to me for now ^_^

[Agrias]

Neocracker is my girlfriend...Isnt there something wrong with that?

Yes... good god yes...

Dating Neocracker is sign that you have a phobia based on relationships coupled with a denial to your "furry fetish".

My recommendation is to lock Neocracker in a closet and seek immediate psychological guidance ASAP.

When did you first notice that you were dating Neocracker?

:O
I noticed it when everytime i'd go into #eoff, he'd say '*Neocracker hugs her best BF ever'.
And then i started reciprocating the command. What do i do!?

[Wolf Kanno]

No, I do not like to watch grass grow :( That's too boring lol. I just love to watch my watch whenever I'm bored because when I watch it, it brings me back to memories and thinking about them... such great memories =P... couldn't really describe it properly. Memories + time ticking = pwnage!

Thanks for your help anyways, not what I expected though because I do go out and live it until I die. Getting a girlfriend is not an necessary option to me for now ^_^

You will be struck with the "love" bug eventually;) and if that doesn't happen the bug of "loneliness and drinking to solve your problems of personal inadequecies cause damn something must be wrong with me... I'm like in my mid-twenties and I can count the amount of relationships I've had on one hand and it's not that I'm inactive or hideous or anything... I don't have much tact but I'm generally nice to the ladies... Maybe it's because I'm not as much of an asshole like I should be..."





:O
I noticed it when everytime i'd go into #eoff, he'd say '*Neocracker hugs her best BF ever'.
And then i started reciprocating the command. What do i do!?

You need to put him down... as soon as Neocracker starts getting attention he becomes an entirely different beast. It's your duty to eoff# to keep Neocracker in his place so that he doesn't transform into that again...

I'll hold him down and you hit him with the needle so he may peacefully pass on to a better place... the trunk of my car...

[Agrias]

You have a car? You know i know this place, kekeke. It overlooks the entire city, kekeke. Would you like to drive there someday?

[Wolf Kanno]

You have a car? You know i know this place, kekeke. It overlooks the entire city, kekeke. Would you like to drive there someday?

Certainly my lady... we'll stash Neocraker and Pureghetto in the trunk and make a night of it.;)

I'll also assume your "kekeke" to be you overwhelming excitement and not a sign that you want my new kidneys...