View Full Version : The Journal Thread (November)

11-01-2001, 08:18 PM
Dear Journal,

I made a new topic. It was fun.

11-01-2001, 08:40 PM
Dear Journal,

I posted in a new topic. It was fun.

teachers are striking and towns beat me up and nandor is being germaniacal and it is great. :D

Loony BoB
11-01-2001, 08:41 PM
Dear Journal,

I read a new topic. It was fun.

*cough* Anyhow, Ashi's been gone for a while now. She got onto the 'net for a tiny bit today, though, but didn't have time to do much. She texted me from www.mtnsms.com, but I don't think she was able to check any threads/PM's. :( Stink, eh? Oh well. We text each other every night, so it's all good. *has spent around $10 on text messages in the past two days* *dies* It's worth it.

For all who want to know, she's doing great, went shopping yesterday, and stuff. Um... yeah. That's all I got on what she's been up to, otherwise we just chat about crap. Only it costs >_< *dies again*

I sent Em a few texts lately, she hasn't replied. She said to ignore is a bad idea just before, so now I'm just confused. I don't wanna like her like that no more. Tch. Stupid attractive English person. Tch again.

Um... teacher strike for the first hour of school, and they're being mean and we might not get to have our Senior Dinner. That will suck, big time. I spent $32 on that.

Otherwise, life is great :) I got a good report for a change, so yeah. My Dad didn't get angus xD

11-01-2001, 09:26 PM
Originally posted by Scottie
Dear Journal,

I made a new topic. It was fun.

I quoted Scottie in the new topic, and it was fun. ;)

well.. I don't know how I feel today. I'm not copying from lj today.. cuz I wasn't very nice.. truthful, but not nice.

I'm talking to Scott and mikael right now, nothing else is really going on. I'm a bit miffed *ok so more than a bit* but I think I'm sick of dealing with stuff, so I'll be over it soon. In better news I got new lip gloss today.. mm blueberry. :D next is rasberry for sure ;)

11-01-2001, 11:17 PM
Originally posted by Danni

I quoted Scottie in the new topic, and it was fun. ;)

I quoted Danni's quotation of Scott thing.

It is fun. Still.

*copies from LJ*

[ mood | blank ]
[ music | Collective soul - HEAVY (NHL 2001 theme) ]

Dear Journal,

I'm tired, it's almost 1am. I still am okayish though, although I'm little sad for Lilly- We talked about 15 minutes today on phone and she cried for the whole time. It was very hard to even make out what she said...I called her in the first place because I knew she wasn't okay. I just hope she'd be fine by tomorrow. *wonders about his phonebill* HehHE..'tis worth it though. I also text with Daniel and Kath kinda often, like about 3 - 5 messages to each everyday.

Hmm hmm..It snowed kinda lot today in Finland, but now I sorta hope it'd give good -10 celcius freeze so that we could start our hockey practices on ice, dammit! Our poor team plays in natural ice rink, so we are very dependant on the weather.-_- Besides, it's too wet right now as it snows and temperature is about zero. I hate wetness in winter. Wet snow is the worst.>_<

We were in Sauna today. It keeps me going.=)

Now I'll go to <b>bed</b>, and when I wake up it's friday.;) *grooves* Finally.


11-02-2001, 02:37 AM
Dear Journal,

I didn't rip off Scott. Someone might say that I did, but I didn't. It's good to be an individual.

Hmm...today was okay. I don't feel like posting more.
"Oh, Mother I can feel the soil falling over my head
Mother I can feel the soil falling over my head
Mother I can feel the soil falling over my head
Mother I can feel the soil falling over my head
Mother I can feel the soil falling over my head....."

Heh, Morrissey really is a small little boy at heart...

Edit: No matter how sad or depressed I feel, I always have the knowledge that, no matter what, I'd never want to be anyone but myself. It helps.
The triumvirate, including myself, dictate me. It works.

11-02-2001, 06:06 AM
I may not be able to take back the things I've done wrong, but maybe I fix what I've done.

Mood: Determined
Music: Chautell Kreviazuk- Leaving on jet plane

11-02-2001, 06:16 AM
I'm too lazy to post my opendiary.com account entries. Click the link in my sig.

To sum up my new idea of how to live life: screw it. Screw school, screw work, screw my family, screw my friends. I give up. I am no longer going to even try to reach out to anyone. If someone still wants me in their live, then that person can call me, or IM me, or whatever. I'm sick and tired of always having to initiate contact. Yeah, maybe I'm all bull and I'll go IM a dozen people when I finish this, but, I don't think so. I think I'll just go offline. 'Cause no one will talk to me unless I get their attention, and frankly, I'm sick of trying. I just give up. Maybe I'll go sleep. Not that I'll be able to fall asleep. I have insomnia, too. Why? I don't know. Maybe because my entire life is falling apart, one bit at a time.

Yeah. Yay. Wahoo.

I'm done now.

11-02-2001, 09:38 PM
[Mood: Apocalyptic]
[Music: Irresponsible Hate Anthem by Marilyn Manson]

Well... I'm back at school and I'm bored off my arse already... it's so bloody dull... I swear the dreaded 6th Form apathy has claimed another victim... I just couldn't give a f*@k about school work, even though I'm at a vital stage in my life... ahh, sod it, sod the whole f*@king lot of crap, I just don't care anymore...

11-03-2001, 12:51 AM
Hmm...Today was so very different, painfull, but oh so very reliving and I feel good now. Without commenting it more.

11-03-2001, 02:35 AM
Well, today I avoided coming online.. not really on purpose. I went hiking and to the movies. When I got home i got a bunch of offliners in Y!M from Mikael.. I wish he was online right now. :(

11-03-2001, 06:04 AM
Well this is my first entry. I keep a journal but seldom do I actually write anything of any importance in it. A friend told me that doing so could help me keep my sanity. I laughed at her since I obviously have already lost most of it. I'm the kind of person that listens well and talks way too much most of the time. Usually there is no real purpose for my conversation other than the need to release whatever it is that I am feeling at that time. Anyway, I guess I should actually add the entry instead of babbling about why I am doing so, huh?

It seems that after all these years I still find myself plagued by events of the past I had very little control over back then or now for that matter. Even tho I've had a wonderful life, I still feel an emptiness that even my most treasured memories can not disguise. I ponder my own existance and often wonder how I managed to remain here. Now don't get me wrong I'm not suicidal. I love life, but I feel so lost in it sometimes. Ever felt alone in the company of friends? That is how I feel in life sometimes. If I don't have someone to talk to or something to keep me occupied then my mind starts to wonder, drifting invariably back to the distant past and a time that is no more. I start dreaming of the what if's and if only's. They always take me to places best left in the past. Sometimes I think I look for the sadness and long to relive some of those times. Maybe it is a fear of forgetting that keeps me returning. An underlying fear that if I don't revisit them I will forget the good along with the bad. Maybe it is something different, something I've yet to understand. I tend push away the people I start to get close to, because of a fear of losing them, which inevitably leads to their loss. It is an endless cycle that I have yet to find a way to break. Today has been one of those rollercoaster ride days. It started out wonderfully as I spent a great deal of time talking to a very good friend. We share a lot of interests and Ithink there could be more between us if the distance we live apart wasn't there. Now that by no means is me ruling out what the future may have in store for us. It is just me being realistic (something I never seem to be). I've always been one to follow blindly my heart and except whatever it leads me too. The last couple of journeys have been very disappointing to say the least. Anyway the day proceeded to lower me into a void of which I am only now beginning to escape. Purhaps a game of Devil May Cry will take my mind off of it...

Won Fon Lei
11-03-2001, 07:29 AM
<font color="GRAY">Dear Journal,

Why I am writing in you, I don't know. I've never used you before. Maybe I need to let things out, though I doubt anyone will read this. Even if they did, they wouldn't care. Why does everything suck? Why must I be torn apart by the jaws of depression? Why is life a vicious cycle? Why am I asking questions that don't matter or have any bearing on anything? I can't even communicate with my girlfriend. I have to wait until November 15th, when her parents will finally take her off house arrest. *sigh* I grow weary of crying myself to sleep every night, wishing I could just look at her face for a few seconds. perhaps hear her voice if I try hard enough. I had two tests today, one in Calculus and one in Computer Science. Calculus was tough, CS was a breeze. Although we had the CS one at 5:30 on a Friday night, which sucks. Random thought: Why are my friends IRL racist? You think you know some people, and then they turn out to be more different than you think. I've always strived to be as honest and caring as I can. I'm pretty straight foward with people, I don't like to hide things.

Well journal, that's all that I can think of today. Peace out.</font>

11-03-2001, 11:12 AM
Dear Journal,

It's 5:55am here, and I've not yet been to bed. I've been up most of the nite thinking. I know I told some people I'd go to bed early-ish and get some sleep *they said it'll make me feel better* but I couldna sleep. I left myself on away on aim and tried to sleep.. but I just couldn't do it. I dunno why I even bother sometimes.. with anything really. Everything I do seems to turn out wrong. It's really quite painful. I'm considering leaving the net.. it seems to be the only way to fix things. Perhaps without me in their lives certain people will be better off. I'm tired of hurting people, and I'm goddamn tired of being hurt myself. I'm not sure what to do right now.. do I stay or do I leave? No matter what happens there is this damn love emotion that ties me to people.. and it does nothing but rip at my heart. I weighed the consequences of my actions.. and I decided that if worse came to worse it wouldn't mattter. I've since learned better. Despite my best efforts to prepare for the inevitable, it did matter... it did and it still does. I'm glad that I did what I did.. I feel relieved actually. However, that doesn't stop the pain, nor does it lessen it. *sighs* I'm off to bed now. Maybe it will make me feel better, who knows.

You can never know everything, and part of what you know is always wrong. Perhaps even the most important part. A portion of wisdom lies in knowing that. A portion of courage lies in going on anyways.
-Lan Mandragoran
The Wheel of Time, Robert Jordan

*passes out*

11-03-2001, 12:39 PM
Yay! Alana is back! *grooves and is so happy*`Now I wish we'd be online same time also.=)

So great, and I thought she'd be back only after new year. HEhehhHEHeh..I certainly missed you <b>awfully</b> lot. *ghugs*


Other than that, there's Fulham's game on tv today, so I'm off to watch it now. Let's go Cottagers!!! I predict hat trick for Louis Saha.

EDIT: I'm gonna take some saunaing first.;D

11-03-2001, 04:07 PM
Dear journal,

Today I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that I came here and said that ... oo;

11-04-2001, 02:06 AM
This is from my LJ.

Hehee [04 Nov 2001|03:51am]
[ mood | Great ]
[ music | Garbage - Androgyny ]

Why the Hell you can't choose mood "great" from the mood list? *_* I had to manually insert it.

Random quote that I can still hear in my mind is<i> "You're mean to him, I bet."</i>, by Alana about how am I treating Ghostraper. Somehow that's just stuck in my mind. Conscience, perhaps? Hah.

First things first - Football was great.:D Fulham FC is finally starting rocking, and they beat West Ham 0 - 2 at Upton park. I hope they could make it UEFA cup at least. That would be great. *_^ Steed Malbranque is awesome winger and he's Fulham's fans favourite nowadays. Always when he gets ball, it almost sounds like they are booing, but they actually yell "STEEEEEED..." with very low-voiced..voice? It sounds great.;) Yup, he scored he scored a goal and assisted another. He could've scored a hat-trick, though.

*realises like any of you would be interested my football mumbling*

Hmm...I got online kinda late today, around midnight if my memory serves. Right now I'm watching NHL game Colorado Avalanche @ Toronto Maple Leafs. I'm not paying much attention though, and I'm tired and off to bed soon. It was so awesome to chat with Laners after too long break. *Ų_^* She was observed though, so we couldn't chat in peace and properly, and she had to leave so suddenly. *_* Regardless of that, and refering to that quote in my head, she already kinda messed up my mind and I feel sudden guilty. Thanks a lot, Cerrers. Ghostraper, I'm so, <b>SO</b> sorry.=( >=[ >=\ >=/

Yeppers, great to have you back. Oddly, For some strange reason I feel more inspired to update my LJ now too that yer back.

Just finished downlaoding few songs, and I guess I'll be going to bed in a few mins. See ya.


11-04-2001, 03:33 AM
Another day spent sitting at home doing nothing... oh crap, I just remembered I'm supposed to be working on my website for the ffinfinate competition... bugger

Ah well, I'll start tomorrow... neway, I'm really starting to notice how miserable everyone else is... and in that case, is my situation really that bad? Gotta sort myself out and get on with it. I can't be the only one in this situation, and I bet they're doing something about it, so I will too...

11-04-2001, 04:38 AM
November 3, 2001

Heh.. Scott thought I came home tomorrow. :p Nah, not till the 18th..then I'll be back in Jersey. I know I was incredibly excited to come here, but my roommate has made me want to beat him within inches of his life so many times i'm just not really happy here. *shrugs* Ahh well.

Today was alright I guess. I rolled out of bed around 2:25 this afternoon and came online.. i was so bloody bored! -_- I did get scolded for not going to sleep early like I said I would.. hehe.. that was interesting to say the least. I'm 18 and my friends scold me for staying up past 6am. sheesh ;) Not only did I get scolded I literally had people begging me not to leave the net. I was shocked to say the least, and somewhat touched at the same time. So maybe it wouldn't make *everyone* happy, but it would do well for quite a few. I still don't know what i'm going to do just yet.. bah. I'm so indecisive sometimes.

I thought today a bit.. I know dangerous stuff that. I thought about friendship.. the cause of almost all of my stress, yet for the most part, the reason I still exist. I was wondering.. I care about all of my friends.. but how can I call people who would turn their back on me without a second thought my friend? Oo;; damn.. it was a sucky thought. Randomly enough.. it got me to thinking about people I haven't talked to in ages.. I actually wondered today how voris is doing in college. Wtf is up with that? That kid hurt me more than I've been hurt in years and I actually still concern myself with his well being. He was a good friend, and a good boyfriend in the beginning.. is it the happy memories that tie me to people? :\

I went to the movies tonite too. I was the new Jet Li movie, "The One". w00t! I always wondered what could possibly be better than a fight scene with Jet Li.. and Tonite I found out what it was... a fight scene with 2 Jet Li's. :D:D

Shattered Chest
11-04-2001, 07:04 PM
Dear diarieyiey, the date is 4 and November and 2001.

Yesterday was good because I finally got my custom status thingie.

Yesterday was SO bad because of finding outs terrible.

Today was okay.

Love, Anything but that cursed Bubble Tea

11-04-2001, 07:49 PM
I don't have that long to write here, so yeah...

Playing: Wonderwall Ė Oasis, Ballad for Dead Friends Ė Dashboard Prophets

GahÖ.I hope I have time to write something significant. Usually with only half an hour I wonít, so Iíll try and get to the point as fast as I can, which probably isnít that fast. I have music and I canít help but spends at least half of my time focusing on that instead. And after aaaaalllllllll youíre my wonderwaaaaaallllll heheh [/fake British accent]ÖNo. AnywayÖ
Iím getting fairly sick of being like me. At least, I tire of it sometimes. Often, even. Iíll stare at the walls and wish I could be more normal. Well, I sometimes wish I could make friends. That would help. I always seem to will away 95% of people, probably more, and the remaining few become inexorably linked to me. But I can live with it, as long as they make me feel important. I often feel valueless, or pointless, or bored, and Iím not going to be afraid to admit it anymore. You other people will have to take my being honest for a while before I figure out a face for you that doesnít involve lying every day.
Iíve got a lot of that nervous energy right now. Itís not my phrase, but meh. Itís sorta fun, but in a way in a bit frustrating. It starts way inside your chest and spreads to everywhere else in your body. Not sure if this was what it was, but last night when I finally stood up I could barely walk. I managed to, though, unlike one fateful night that is quickly approaching being 6 months ago.. Actually, I donít think much hit me that night itself. A few later nights, though. And for all I know, she could be more depraved than I am. I do know that I wouldnít care, anyway. Iíve long since crossed that line. In the now distant past whenever I felt this much of that untouchable energy Iíd be exceedingly happy. Giddy even. Then, after that, Iíd get ridiculously horny. Now I donít feel too many side effects, just the feeling itself. Longing, if anything. Like my sexual organs couldnít really care less if I went and had sex right now, but my gut (saying heart would just be so cliched) has decided that now is the time. Not that it hasnít before, Iím just examining right now, and it hasnít for a while. I know Iím not totally pure, right now, Iíve still got lots to work out, but weíve got started nicely, since a lot of that was quite important to me. I guess Iím not as tired of being myself as I thought. Itíd be nice to be all giddy right now, or warm and glowy and all fuzzy, or all horny, but I donít need to be right now. I have my little impure energy right now, and Iíll always delight in how it slowly drives me crazy. Iíve started covering again, so I should stopÖI gotta go. Oh well. Maybe I can write more before Iím picked up. I do wish there is a CD for when I feel like this. I need something with lots of nice, but not overdone songs, with lots of acoustic guitars and violins and tearjerking. Like Wonderwall! Only every other Oasis song sucks. MehÖ.I guess Iíll find it someday. Maybe no one gives everything, but at least someone gives a damn. Itíll be enough, for now. Iím in a really weird stasis-like emotional state right now. Not happy or content, but not depressed or angry or unhappy either. Now I really have to go. Iím glad I get to spend part of my life like this. Itís where I need to be, though not necessarily where I belong. Ellovee-ee.


11-04-2001, 08:21 PM
everything is strange.

11-04-2001, 10:32 PM
Once again, I'm the victim of bad timing. *sighs*
Somehow my roommate always picks the most inoprtune times to decide he wants to toss me off the computer, but today's was the worste. One day while he's online or on the phone or something and I know it's maddeninglt important to him, I'll disconnect him somehow.. just so he'll know what it's like. I hate people who care solely for themselves. I pity his girlfriend.. she thinks they're soulmates.. he thinks she just a good lay. Wrong eh?
I'm feeling odd right now. I'm worried, yet happy, yet sad and a bit angry all at once. I feel fairly out of plave right now. not just where I'm living, but online as well. I'm sure it'll just pass, but it's something that rarely happens to me. I never come online and neglect going on Aim like I am right now. That's not all because of this weird feeling though. Tjhat has to do with a fear of getting into another important conversation and being booted off in the middle of it again. -_-
Why am I so unfailably bound to some people? It seems that no matter what happens, I can't get them out of my head. It matters not if they are net friends, or people I hang out with irl. And what is up with this love emotion? I think mine is malfunctioning or something. It seems that no matter how much i try, I can't help but fall in love. Not just romantic love, but love in general. I try so hard not to get attatched to people, I'm so afraid of being hurt again. I think sometimes having your heart broken by a friend hurts more than having it broekn by a lover. It does for me anyway.
I'm sick of pretending to be as strong as I wish I was. I try so hard to be strong for everyone, because they need me, but I don't always feel as strong as I act. A lot of times I'm scared to death of what's going to happen, to them.. to me.. it matters not which. I don't want people to pity me or feel bad for me, or think I'm fishing for attention, so i hide everything that i feel inside. There are a few people I talk to plainly about my feelings, I know they won't judge me for hurting. I cry when no one is looking because i don't want sympathy, and I bleed when no one is around because I don't want them to pity me for my malfunctions. I wish that things would change, I wish I could cry on someone's shoulder and they just hold me and not question me and badger me about what's wrong. *sighs* Why am I telling you all this? -_-

11-06-2001, 02:15 AM
scariness. for the senior dinner thingee, everyone is voting me 'most likely to be abducted by aliens' hehehe...also had couple of votes for 'most likely to never grow up', and 'most likely to take over the world'...

we'll see...

11-06-2001, 08:13 AM
[mood | Mostly optomistic]
[music | Take It On the Run, Real Fast Car, Kryptonite, Our House, Otherworld, pretty much anything oldies or FF, like always]

Well, it's been an okay day. I had a kanji quiz in Japanese, luckily. For as much as I bad-mouth kanji, it sure is easy. Heck, the writing is probably the easiest part of that language. But that's my opinion, anyway.
I think I'm finally starting to understand my math class also.
My only bad news from school is my psycho test on wednsday, so I've gotta study big-time. It's on sexual behavior, which like the other subjects is quite interesting. The whole class is pretty interesting.
As for my personal life, well, Dragon Warrior 7 in all it's puzzlish evilness dominates most of that. Cool game, though it's addictiveness may be the end of me. :) And whatever DW7 is sucking away, studying and work is.
I reall don't like where I work. I work at a little pizza place about a mile from my house, and I loved it when I started working there almost two years ago, but now I'm getting pretty sick of it. Cooking isn't my thing, nor is working like a slave to get food out to customers who are just going to yell at me anyway.
Dealing with the public isn't very fun. There are some good people out there, but it seems that more you deal with the public the less and less the good people stand out and the more and more you see of the idiots.
Continuing on, if anything even remotely good turned up from the recent incidents, it's that I finally have an excuse to drive to New Hampshire rather than fly this summer. I hate flying, and will never set foot in a single airplain unless I'm the pilot, or it's to take that trip to Japan that I've always wanted. My problem is flying is that sure you save time, but the saved time comes at the cost of missing some great sight-seeing oppurtunities and the stress of having people look through your bags and wondering what other people are trying to sneak onto the plane in their bags, and then you get cramped like a sardine for six or so hours. When all is said and done, the saved time is taken off your life span through stress. Plus I'm the type of person who likes to enjoy everything for all it's worth, and you can't really do that when everything is 30,000 feet below you.
But that's my opinion. Some people love flying, I'm just not one of them. Besides, no other vehicle can beat the comfort of a Honda Accord. I like driving my Mom's Accord because it's more of a luxury/sports car hybrid than a family car like it was designed to be.
Well, like they say, give a monkey a typerwriter and he'll write a Shakespear play. Or in my case, give a tired man a computer with a working keyboard and he'll carry on about everything he likes and doesn't like.

Oh, and I want to tell Spatvark that his sig is the best I've ever seen anywhere. Squirrel Fishing.... that's a classic.

11-06-2001, 07:00 PM

I'm sitting in the middle of programming class. It's so boring, it's like a study hall for credit. But, I can use the internet, so I'll sit here viewing the forms. I might actually write an entry later.

11-06-2001, 09:28 PM
[Mood: Indifference]
[Music: Screamager by Therapy]

Hmm... I've really pissed Michelle off now... completely my own bloody fault, I should learn when to keep my mouth shut. I'm not gaonna say what I did, coz' I've already said too much today...

Well, I forgot about the FF Infinate website design contest... AGAIN! So, now I've been disqualified, but I'm not really that worried, I wasn't really up for it...

It's kinda strange, Evil_12 is the second person to comment on my sig. today, the other was Leeza... oh well, I like it and that's all that matters... :p

11-07-2001, 03:06 AM
that's right. not only did the HOD Languages shaft me into correspondence Japanese - halving my marks, and refuse to teach me anything in or out of school time, but he also refuses to grant me "1st place in Japanese" at tomorrows prizegiving on the grounds that there aren't enough students to validate giving an award out. *cries* you'd think they'd humour me and give me the lousy certificate as some kind of compensation. now i'm *only* getting "2nd in Classical Studies" and a scholarship. bah. without Jap, it's nothing :D

Nandor joined eoff today! woohoo! he kept making me laugh during the Student Council meeting...in front of the principal...gah! and he did that knee hurting thing, and i had to keep a straight face and keep debating with the principal over the state of our lockers... :P

oh well. 6 days of school left!

11-07-2001, 05:55 AM
November 6, 2001

Have I mentioned lately that i want to go home? I dunno if I have. :p

Well, things have gotten worse, and to thik I thought worse wasn't an option. Brian's become and even bigger ass and he's gotten Dave partially on his side. Man, and I used to think Dave was cool too. I PM'd Mikael before to tell him why I wasn't online at all today, and that I wouldn't be until I got home more than likely. *sighs* I can't use the computer during the day anymore.. apparently the whole hour or two I'm online during the day interupts their lives or something. >_< Like they can't get phone calls or something lame like that.. Bah! no one bloody called today, and even if they had I refuse to answer their damn phone, I'm not going to be their bloody secretary. So, no more Danni online during the day. I go home in 9 days.. If I could go home tomorrow I swear I would.

9 days... I'm actually counting them, and when I think about leaving, I'm not at all sad. When i came here i was so excited. So excited in fact that I called Simon at 3 am (his time) to talk during a layover in Washington DC. I came here thinking this would be fun, because I missed Jon, and because i wanted to get away from the stresses I had up in Jersey for a while. And what did I find here? even more stress. There have been times that I just wanted to call home crying and beg for someone to get me a ticket out of here. I didn't though.. I;ve stuck around thinking "oh, well, maybe things will get better". I'm so dumb sometimes I amaze myself. I thought when I came here, that I wouldn't want to go home, I've since learned better.

I'm lonely here as it is, with jon having classes every single day, and homework to boot, I don't get much time with him. The only thing that's been keeping me sane, is the fact that I've been able to talk to my friends, (irl and online) on the net during the day, even if only for an hour or so. At least When I was talking to them, I wasn't lonely. Of course getting kicked off the net whenever one of my boyfriend's roommates needed the phone or the net was annoying, but I decided I could deal with that as long as I could talk to everyone for just that brief period of time. Well, over time it seemed to me that Brian, (the roomie that absolutely despises me, and did even before I came here.. that's another story though) actually just kicked me off because it pisses me off. It's as if he enjoys making me mad. He'd kick me offline to use the computer or the phone, and not actually use either one for like an hour or so.. then finally get on. It was so damn irritating! and he's constantly bitching about how much time I spend on the net during the day.. erm.. I'm only on when he's not home, so what the hell's the problem? The stress I've been under due to my emotions, and people here has driven me to the point, where I am genuinly afraid to talk to some people, because I don't want to horribly misconstrue something they say and lose a friend for it. It's already happened, or come close to happening, quote a few times since I've been here.

9 days till I'm out of here... away from my asshole roommates, and back to Jersey. Back to my friends, and my siblings, and my stressful life where at least I can talk to whomever I want whenever I damn well please. 9 days until I won't get so horribly bored I get the brite Idea to cut my hair... >_<. and less than a month until december is here.. I hope people really do mean what they say. *hopes*

11-07-2001, 07:26 AM
10:41 PM, US Pacific time

[mood | I'll decide when I'm not so tired]
[music | Legend of Dragoon theme song - If you Still Believe in Love - very cool song]

Well, I had a slow day. I was going to make my brother and sister a game for Christmas in RPGMaker 2000, but I've met one problem after another (not to mention a lot of limitations that I refuse to change my story for), so I'm just turning the whole thing into a book. It'll take a long time either way and probably not even get done until Christmas Eve, but I'm tighter on money than I am on time right now. Anyway, the whole plotline is a secret since if they like it enough I'm gonna try and get it published, and it gives away a lot of another story I'm writing. Writing is easily my biggest hobby.
Also, I managed to break the death grip that Dragon Warrior 7 has on my life. It was through and advanced system of strategies I call "letting someone else have a turn on the Playstation".
I'm getting ready for school right now, doing whatever I can since I won't have time in the morning. I've really gotta stop scheduling myself for 7:30 classes. That is way too early.
The only real frustration was when I was about to take a shower, Mom calls from the story saying that she wants me to come over and try on some boots. Well, I drive to the mall and try on the boots, only to find out that everything is the wrong size. Oh well, at least the mall isn't too far away.
As for my job, I don't know why, but my boss is cutting back on my hours. I used to work four days until I asked to work only three because of how busy school is. So I got three days of work for a while. Now, I'm only getting two. Man, I'm doing assistant manager work and getting paid minimum wage, and now I'm only working two days a night. I've really got to find a better job. Besides, resturaunts are horrible to work at anyway. It has the lowest slaver-work/respect ratio in the world, and it's not doing a thing for my career, which I hope will be in translating books, games, and movies from Japanese to English or designing web pages. Both are fun as hell, pay pretty good, though the Japanese translation pays better. I know one person who works at a court house translating papers and speech from Japanese and gets paid almost $200 an hour for it. Plus it's a really fun language. Much more fun than Spanish was.
And it's also easier than Spanish. All my friends think I'm lying, but I think that Japanese is a much easier language than Spanish was. Then again, I give a damn about learning Japanese which I didn't with Spanish, so that helps.

Funkmonkey Deluxe
11-07-2001, 11:10 PM
<font face="courier"><font color="red">11-7-01
Mood: Anxious
Music: "Got The Life" - Korn, "Bad Magick" - Godsmack

I've been feeling very anxious about the Gamecube. I may be able to have a set pre-order at a "KB Kids" or "KB Toys" or something like that because my friends brother works there. But, they don't know for sure if that store is going to be getting Gamecubes. I'm going to find out today.

Also, I've been having this weird problem with my algebra. I study it, and do well in it, but every morning, I get up and discover that I forgot how to do it. Every morning. I hate my quirky memory. I can remember every punch liine from "Dumb & Dumber", but I can't remember what I studied in Algebra yesterday!:grr:

11-08-2001, 07:38 AM

[mood | bored]
[music | You'd think I'd want a change in music by now, but nope.]

I think I know what Wolfwood is talking about. During lunch, I was flying through my Japanese homework but as soon as I got into the class room, I couldn't remember a thing. Even the Kanji, the part I find the easiest of the whole language (yeah, I'm weird that way), was gone. Now I get home and I can remember it again.
It's the same with every subject, though. Math it's the worse, since it happens most often and I remember it as soon as I leave the class room and forget it when I get home.
Well, there's not too much to say. My writing is going slow since I can't think of any ideas, and everyone wants to use my computer because the family PC's monitor broke. Weeeee.............

11-08-2001, 03:31 PM
Damnit. Today will be a busy day. :P

Funkmonkey Deluxe
11-08-2001, 11:41 PM
<font face="courier"><font color="red">11-8-01
Music-Legend of Zelda, System of a Down; Photograph, Wheezer

I just found out today that I WILL be getting a Gamecube + Rogue Leader from that KB whatchamacallit I mentioned in an earlier post! Yay!
:) ;) :cool: :choc: :love: :laugh: :carlie: :crono: :hawkeye: :excited: :biggrin: :thumb: :chef: :hat: :joker: :lovers: :freak: :D :p :mog: :greenie: :tongue: :ctwalk: :magus: :joey: :roll: :chobin: :edm: :beer: :greenking :bgl: :upsidedow :yellowkin :moggie: :jap: :strut:

11-09-2001, 02:20 AM
ten days until exams of ultimate doom :D
one official day of school left...

Loony BoB
11-09-2001, 09:35 AM

Ashi's online, and I'm chatting to her! Woo! *dies many times* God, she's so special. Hehe. And she rang me at 5am this morning! Wow! I mean... GOD, that was so cool. *dies a few more times*


*runs away*

11-09-2001, 07:59 PM
*laughs at Danny*

You know, if you die too much, you might get stuck that way ;)

11-09-2001, 11:46 PM
Pondering how to go about writting a really important email. *sighs* sometimes I hate myself for not knowing how to say things. Like, sometimes I find all the perfect words, and sometimes I stumble over them and nothing sounds right, no matter how many different ways I type it. :\

Exactly one week left.. at this time next friday i'll be on the road home to Jersey. :) I can't wait to be home again, but I dun want Jon to come back here. I wish he went to school closer to me, as opossed to in Virginia. ahh well.

11-10-2001, 01:55 AM
[Mood: Tired :sleepy:]
[Music: Leg Of Lamb by Queens Of The Stone Age]

Oh well... it's about 1:35 AM here in England... so this is gonna be my last post before I go to bed... I've had an interesting week...

I made some friends here on EoFF at last, been having group hugs with Tiffiekins and BlueMage10... :joey: It seems like all of a sudden I am an influential person here... yeah right, but people like my advice and keep agreeing with me! + I've been told I'm quite capable of being utterly nutty as well! :thumb:

Offline, it's been the same as usual... school is as dull as hell... I still ain't done sh!t about my university applications and I'm starting to get worried... what I need is to completely get away from everything that's linking me to here; my parents, my friends, my school, my home... I just need some quality 'ME' time, but I ain't gonna get it... I just gotta soldier on and maybe it'll just fall into place... I hope... all I can do is hope... and maybe get some bloody sleep...

Night-night, don't let the bed-bugs bite

See ya all tomorrow *yawn* *flees slo-mo stylee*

11-10-2001, 03:55 AM
I have a lot to write and I won't write any of it anyway. I'm not happy right now at all.

Depression is self-obsession. (you think it's funny, don't you? I don't blame you.)

Loony BoB
11-10-2001, 08:28 AM
Guess who got a girlfriend? :)

*can't remember this kind of happiness*

Shattered Chest
11-10-2001, 01:02 PM
10. marraskuuta, 2001. Oh, I'm so full of holes when it comes to being a fine person.

Yesterday, Mononoke Hime played for the last time in Finland. Tickets to see it were extremely hard to get, but I managed to get one leaving my little brother in the streets of Helsinki, alone, on Friday night while I saw the movie. Oh, I'm just so selfish, but I had to see that movie. No, *dies the Loony way*

11-10-2001, 05:36 PM
Originally posted by Loony BoB
Guess who got a girlfriend? :)

*can't remember this kind of happiness*

Aww I'm so happy for you Danny!! Its good to see you happy again, instead of depressed, confused, cryey, etc and so on. *hugs*

Umi Butterfly
11-10-2001, 06:17 PM
Woo Daniel! Who is the lucky gal?

Woo to Bonnie for having the same kind of av as me!
*snugs R-0* We are two sexay people!

Um, anyways...

I work today from 3 - 12. Yep, you heard me, 9 hours of non-stop McDonalds fun. Though I'm sure they'll give me a 15 second break in there some where.

I actually posted today as opposed to NOT posting for 8 weeks. =) I feel proud.

I'm working on a project that I'm sure you are all well intuned with, I'll tell you later though when I have the site up. Till then keeping peeing your pants in suspension.

Black Mage
11-10-2001, 10:27 PM
Saturday, November 10, 2001.

I am going to do this in one sentence.

I have become everything I hate.

11-11-2001, 03:40 AM
[ mood | envious ]
[ music | Cake- Short skirt, Long Jacket ]

I actually woke up before 3 this afternoon!! *GASP* ;) Jon and I went hiking today.. 2 miles up a mountain area to a waterfall called the Cascades. It was really pretty. We got to sit on a rock in the middle of the pool a little ways from the foot of the falls. I had to brave a LOT of wet rocks to get there wearing just my sketchers. *flexes* I only almost slipped once.. but I caught myself. That water was Icey.. it would have sucked major if I had fallen in. *FEAR* On the way back down we took the higher path, and it was remarkable. It was all either downhill or perfectly flat ground... and there was this one part that reminded me of the end of that movie legend, where the fairy, the unicorns and all of the rest were waving goodbye to Lily and Jack and the sun was setting. ^_^ It was so nice. After that we got some foods, and came home to eat our foods. Currently our appartment is filled with our roommates' friends. One set of them are watching an intense scrabble match.. while the other half is getting drunk and eating pizza. -_- It's so damn crowded.. That's why I'm hiding in my room.

Plans for tomorrow:
*Go To IHOP for breakfast.. eat yummy sunny side eggs.. and a belgian waffle with whipped cream.. maybe some home fries too.. and a tall glass of O.J. I haven't had a proper breakfast in ages.
*Read a lot more of LotR.. omg.. I didn't read any of it today! *cries* *is in love with that book*
*Update my RL journal.. I haven't done that in ages Oo
*Plot for a story.. (been doing that forever I know.. but I'm out of IDEAS!!)
*Finish that picture I've been working on.. damn facial expressions...
*oh yeah.. and chat online! >:] My day wouldn't be complete without that.

Omg.. next friday nite I'll be home in NJ, and be incredibly yet somehow still fashionably late to my lil sister's birthday party. OOoo Slumber parties.. I wish we older kids did silly fun stuff like that more often. *envies lil kids

11-11-2001, 03:58 PM
Well it is official. I'm so damn pathetic I make myself sick. I've been online all night. Why? Because I can't seem to sleep. I really need to get rid of my internet access I think.

Let me tell you what is really sad...

I have approximately enough friends that I can count them on one hand... 34 years and I have maybe 5 friends. Sad as hell isn't it. Out of those, 3 are from the net. I really don't know why I'm here. I think I will go write a poem. It should turn out to be a really uplifting one...

11-12-2001, 01:35 AM
it's really odd. kinda happy and sad and stuff. definately pericombobulative. Senior dinner should be fun though...hm...Towns and Nandor, you aren't going to get me to swear if all you are offering me is twenty cents! uh...yeah.

anyway, seeing as no school = no computer, i'm not gonna be here. for a while. or something. well, bye?

but just because i'm not gonna be here doesn't mean you don't have to write to me.

This means YOU Evan, Mikkey, Myles, Scottie, Simon, Tammy, and Wyllius.

gasp! is this the end for the postcard bandits?

11-13-2001, 10:25 PM
Ok I've come to the conclusion that I'm not the nice guy I thought I was.


I found myself getting pleasure from someone else's pain. I'm not that kind of person I am sensitive to others feelings and needs. I try to help anytime it is possible, yet today while reading someone else's journal on livejournal I found myself somehow uplifted by their misfortune. Now it could be because this person has made it a goal in her life to bash me and make me out to be just like all the other males she has ever met. This is because I wasn't able to be who she wanted me to be, and once the threshold of friendship is crossed there are seldom cases of backing up to being just friends and that working. Perhaps it was just that thought of at least she knows a little of how I feel now. What ever the reason the bottom line is pretty obvious, I gained pleasure from her pain and that to me is revolting. I can't believe I have this side to me. I wonder if it has always been there and if so how many other times have I been able to find relief in others misery or how many times without realizing it? Is this simply a human trait? Do others have this happen to them, if so does that make them less nice? Now upon the total confusion of life as it is I add a new layer of complexity and open upon myself a complete new list of questionsÖ :cry:

Black Mage
11-14-2001, 10:16 PM
Wednesday, November 14, 2001

Ha ha. Today was a confusing day indeed. I'll go through it, although I'm sure no one will read it.
First I woke up and took a shower, nothing new. I checked to see if the RO severs were back up, but nope, they weren't. So I drank some orange juice, brushed my teeth and went to school. At school, nothing was up much, we played sherades in French and then in English, we just read. After English, I have study hall and almost every day I go up to my locker. Well, on the way to my locker, I walk by the math class, and the girl I like, a lot, is in there. Well, normally she is looking down and never sees me, and I don't think about what I am doing until I am in her sight range, but she never sees me. Well, today I wasn't pay attention, and I was bobbing my head or something, and I really didn't notice, maybe I was just walking up the stairs weird, but I looked up and she was looking out the door window, and the she smiled. However I couldn't tell if she was smiling or laughing, so I just half smiled back and continued on my way. I am quite bad with girls, especially her, I can't talk to, or around her very well at all. Any way, that was the top of my day.

Other than that, I think my father may be cheating on my mother, but I guess thats my problem, kind of. So, I wont go into it.

Funkmonkey Deluxe
11-14-2001, 11:05 PM
<font face="courier"><font color="red">Mood - Anxious
Music - Offspring, Green Day

I just found out that KB's is only selling the Gamecube packs for like $400. So, My friend and I are going to K-Mart on the 18 at 7:30 in the morning to get Gamecubes. Maybe 6:30 if they open at 8. I'm worried that there might be a huge line of people there and that they'll sell out of Gamecubes before my friend and I can get one... Do you think we'll be able to get one?

11-15-2001, 05:35 AM
I hate feeling this way. My eyes have turned green once again. *sighs* and in such.. I hate myself.

Sakura Yume
11-15-2001, 06:32 AM
gasp! is this the end for the postcard bandits?


but just because i'm not gonna be here doesn't mean you don't have to write to me.

*is still waiting for you to write back*

The countdown to junior exams has begun!!! 4 days to go!!! *sleeps longer than usual and gets ready to cram study*

11-15-2001, 10:47 PM
From Mik's LJ:

Mik's random shedding. [16 Nov 2001|12:40am]
[ mood | Like a piece of shit ]
[ music | Rape Soundtrack - Rape song ]

Well, maybe my mood isn't that bad, but it just sounds so gruff.;P I felt like that earlier today though.

Ugggh...anyways, in last few days lots of things have been bothering me. It feels like all my troubles piles up on the same point of time, and that truly sx0rs.>_* Lots of schoolwork, work, bills, worrying about other people, few personal things etc. Blah, since when I started stressing about schoolwork? *_* I dunno whether it is a good thing or not...
None of these aren't something I can't handle, but pile upness makes it so difficult, as many of these things are I-almost-can't-handle-this things. It's all easing up day after day though, and thank God there shouldn't be new piles ahead of me. Not before New Year, at least.

It really sucks to be at school/work when your head is full of worries and all that.>_* You just think about those things all the time and time runs so slowly, and all you wish is that time would run faster and you would get to continue worrying at least in somewhere else than in hurry. Usually you look forward during day, what cool things you're gonna do once you get off from school/work, but now all you expect is more worrying. It's tormentish torment and when time runs slowly and there's all kinds of hurry around you, I really feel like banging my head on the desk, hard.

But I actually feel a bit cheery right now because I know it'll be Okay(/ish at least) soon. *_^ And that Cerrer's post at EoFF "Should be a book" thread made me crack.;P

There was also no hockey practice today because it snowed awfully lot and our poor team plays outside, and it would've been pointless because Ice would've been full of snow in every 10 minutes or so. Sports are very good thing; When I have worries etc, sports takes my mind away from them, and it feels better afterwards too. ;D
Random sms messages you receive are good also especially if they're funnyish and cheery. I received few today.

Hmmm...*realises that he feels pretty good right now* *÷_÷*

I'll be going to bed now, and chat some 10-15 mins with Miggay and Danners when I wake up before going to school. *cracks a whip at Alana and Daniel and hopes to see them at some point of tomorrow.*


11-16-2001, 05:30 PM
*from Danni's LJ*
11-16-01| 2:00AM

[ mood | sad ]
[ music | Bon Jovi- Always ]

yup, I leave the apartment and head home in about 11 hours. :) I finished packing already, and all that's left to do now is burn my element CD, put all of my stuff in the car when Jon gets home from class, and go. In a way, I'm really excited to go home, but then.. I know that in a week I won't be with my baby anymore. :( I won't get to see him again till christmas. *sighs* Such is life I guess.. I'd come back down with him after thanksgiving but.. nah. I can't handle living with Brian any longer. >_< he sux0rs major.

Hmm.. so now I'm going to bore you and reflect on my time here. I KNOW no one wants to read it so don't feel like you have to. ;)

I had fun for a lot of the time that I was here.. a lot more than I let on to at least. I know I bitched a lot about my roommates, and about the lack of access to the net and whatnot, but in all retrospect, it wasn't all so bad as just bothersome and annoying. Dave's a nice guy, Brian's and ass.. and what can I say? I love Jon.. so I put up with stuff I normally wouldn't. I'd do just about anything to spend time with him... even go to boring boring movies for his classes with him. ^_~ (and Jon.. crouching Tiger is a kickarse movie!!!) It was nice having someone to cuddle with all the time, to go to sleep next to, and wake up with (when I woke up before 3pm :p. Halloween may have been a tad bit dull, but it was meaningful, and special in it's own way, and I couldn't have thought of a better way to spend it. In fact, I can't think of a better way i could have spent the last month and however many days. I'm almost sad that I'm leaving.. no wait, I am sad. but not because I'm going home, or leaving this insane amount of freedom I have (as far as living without people to govern my actions) but simply because of the fact I won't get to see the person I love for a while. No more waterfalls, walks around the pond to sit on the rocks and watch those silly ducks..esp the one that kept flipping over.. no more movies.. not for a while at least. All we have left really is christams break, then with our schedules in the spring, we won't get to see each other until spring break. So, I'd go through all of this again if I could, I'd even deal with brian for another month if I got the chance to be with Jon, but I can't. I need to be home for family and friend reasons, and I need to work and get money and the like for christmas.

And so I close A small chapter in my life. A happy one for the most part, one that made me cry for sheer joy when I discovered it would come true, and one that makes me cry now, thinking that it's over.

Our paths they did cross, though I cannot say just why,We met, we laughed, we held on fast, and then we said good-bye,And who'll hear the echoes of stories never told?

Umi Butterfly
11-17-2001, 04:12 AM
Dear Journal

Won't be needing you anymore. =p I have a new LJ now.


That about sums it up.

11-17-2001, 05:04 AM
Well...let's see...today was a late opening, meaning school started at 10...perfect chance to wake up at 9:20 and test my luck getting there in half an hour! Which I did. Math test results...it's a sad day when 67% is considered a good result, but hell, it gives me a C...I'm not too disappointed, really.
Physics - Nothing of note
Computer Science - Test. Fucking easy. Nothing else of note.
English - Nothing of note. Moderate fun. Made bitter, bitter remarks, and people laughed. I think with me, but I'm not totally sure.

after school Yifei invited me to his place...so I went there. But nothing of note happened. Josh and Jen and co. announced they were taking me out tonight, but I chose to stay and talk to Kim.

Which I did. :love:

And now I have MI4, which I will play for an hour or so. Then I will walk for two hours or so. then I will sleep like relatively few have ever slept before.


(I just threw that in today. don't get worried *exdee*)

Black Mage
11-17-2001, 11:14 PM
Saturday, Nov. 17 2001 6:01PM EST

Well, yesterday, It was my friends birthday, and he had a bunch of people over. It was alright, I had about 5 hours of sleep, maybe a bit less. We basically stayed up all night playing Marvel Vs. Capcom 2 on the DC. When I got home today it was about 2pm, and no one was home. There was a not from my father, but he just said he was going out and wont be home to tommorow, which I think is horrible. I'll explain. My father cheated on my mother 2 years ago, Mother, brother and I moved away for two months. Then they made up, and I have been back home for the last 2 years. Well, the other day, I caught my father on the phone with another woman, ect. I am not positive that he is cheating, again, but it seems that way, and now, this note. It's just like last time. I was going to go to church today, and go to confession, and ask Father John about what I should do, but I wasn't able to make it. If I told my mother, that may be the end of their marriage, which is what I am really trying ot avoid. Another option would be to talk to my father about it, but I am a coward and I have a hard time discussing things like that. I know others have it worse, but I tell you, my life is at an all time low.

11-18-2001, 01:53 PM
Sunday 18, 8:45 a.m. EST


My friend was waiting all night at the nearest store just to get the GCN....I beat The Dark Story on Sonic Adventure 2....I missed the meteor shower this morning at 5:00....#%$@ FOG!!!! Miss my cousins...Gonna' see them for Turkey Day...:D :D :D ....I feel happy for once!!!!:D :D :D ....Gonna' get a PS2 for X-MAS...and I could possibly win a GCN!!!! That about sums up what's happened recently

p.s. I found out how cool journal threads are!!!:D :D :D

11-18-2001, 10:03 PM
in stupid stupidness in conjunction with the confusing confusingness, the thing, the stuff and the things, and the general stuff. drainpipe trouser tastic.

mental note: write to tammy. include exam/bday sentiments.

done and done.

11-18-2001, 10:06 PM
Dear Journal,

Today they opened up a voting awards thing for best member, best newbie and such, i doubt I will win an award, but hey you never know right??


11-18-2001, 11:20 PM
Dear Journal,
Today they (ie: towns) opened up an awards thread thing for best member, best newbie and such. i doubt that without such BLATANT ADVERTISING as this i'll get an award, but hey, you never know, right?


anyway, exams in 2 hours....study some more now methinks.

11-19-2001, 12:19 AM
Dear Journal,

I forgot........... oh yeah, award cerimonies are so stupid, they make people feel horrible when they learn that they didn't win an award cause someone popular got 5. But if thats the way some people wanna run things then by all means do it! Ruin peoples hopes!


11-19-2001, 05:06 AM
"I don't know!

I'll start going up to people on the street and asking if they thought about me when they masturbated this instant! (If they don't run, I will!)"


"If I were you I'd want a spacious chicken"

"You mean kitchen?"

"SHUTUP Myles!"

11-19-2001, 09:12 PM
I haven't written in here since I got first an OD account and then an LJ account... so... yeah.

Semester one's almost over, I get to go see my parents tomorrow and stay with them for a week, which is a week away from college that I really need. Yay!

I'm afraid my life's as boring as ever, and therefore I've got nothing else to write about.

11-20-2001, 10:29 PM
Hello Journal.

Today was the day of physical sickness, and I took a day off which felt awesome. I guess I'm ready to rock again tomorrow.

Too tired to type anything else.-_- It's still early (0:27am..D'oh), but I feel tired and am off to BedBedLand.



Bye Mikael? Bye Mikael?!?!

Dew Drop
11-21-2001, 09:12 AM
<font color="pink">Dear Journal,
My first entry! ^^

I always find that diaries kept away from prying eyes are much better but there you go!

Anyway, voted in the EoFF awards the other day. Was quite happy I managed to fill out the entire thing! I hope I get an award this time coz I came quite close last time! ^^


Linus J
11-21-2001, 11:37 AM
Today I woke up and showered. Soon I'll be going off to some school thing, where I gotta work in some cafť. Anyway, right now I'm watching SNL Celebrity jeopardy and I'm actually laughing my @$$ off.


11-21-2001, 10:01 PM
Dear Diar;

I'm sick of living. The way I'm living, anyway. I'm tired of myself, I'm tired of the people around me. I'm tired of all you knowing me, I'm tired of knowing myself. I'm tired of my mood swings, but I can't do anything about it. I'm tired of coming to the same school, seeing the same people, the same friends, the same seats, the same everything. I don't know what I have to do. I'm tired of being who I am, and especially what everyone thinks of me. Or...Thinks I am is a more accurate term. I don't know exactly either, but I do know that I want to change it. I'm sick of living. Sick enough to make me wish for death at times, and I don't know what I'm waiting for. I know that life isn't a bad thing, it can't be, but my life is not here anymore.

Thus, this will probably be more last post here for quite a while. I'm sure I'll be back, eventually, I don't think I could stay away forever, but it won't be for a while.

Farewell (for now), EoFF.


11-22-2001, 02:57 AM
Tomorrow is the day I'm gonna stuff my face full.

On the other hand, I hate debate class. It's just so..... ugh. Why does my teach have to be so bossy half the time? And she gives me B's for no reason, and everyone else gets a 100. I do all of my HW (like there's HW in that class). And she has practically nothing tangible to grade. What crawled up her butt??

11-22-2001, 05:24 AM
dear diary, 11-21-01

i fed my bird cheese today. even though i know that birds are lactosintolerant (sp?). guess he's gonna have the runs for a day or two. i fed him cheese bc i was in the mood for cheese. which is a rare occurance......got the crap scared outta me when erica IMed me on aim. had my face close to the screen looking up pringles stuff......then not too long after she left robin did the same thing. life is full of little suprises! and minor heart attacks..... -_-; like when my sister feeds her 18 month old kid blueberries and doesn't tell me and when i go and change the diaper..... o.O!!
think i'd be used to THAT by now but no.......


11-22-2001, 09:05 PM
Jesus bloody christ, it's been one REALLY sh!tty f*@king day... all hell has broken loose at home and it's all my fault... Basically, my parents found out just what's been going on at school, how I'm failing pretty much everything and generally screwing my life up... the worst thing though, as weird as it sounds, is the fact they're not really pissed off... they're sympathetic, and for some reason that's driving me insane... I mean here I am, at the most important stage of my life so far and I'm screwing it all up, and they're just SYMPATHETIC?! What the bloody hell is going on???

Oh well, I'm just gonna have to sort it all out...

11-22-2001, 09:09 PM
.........at least your bird didn't have the squirts today.......... :D

11-22-2001, 09:24 PM
Sounds messy...

*slaps self with dead cod* must not spam, must not spam, must not spam...

11-22-2001, 09:28 PM
i'm just glad my bird is only a cockatiel and not a blue and gold macaw. the crap/runs would be bigger. but it's not too messy. nothing i can't handle.

esp after the blueberries....... o.O!

11-23-2001, 04:39 AM

Ah thanksgiving. I'm sitting here with a plate of leftover turkey, reflecting over the most boring holiday of the year. Really, after dinner is done and everyone leaves, there is absolutley nothing to do. On the plus side, I played videogames for 8 hours straight, something I haven't had the free time to do since this summer.

11-23-2001, 04:53 AM
aaaahhhhh......just look at all those leftover pieces of 3.14!!!! mmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love my pi!!!!!! i love thanksgiving!!!! it's about the only time i get pi 4 days in a row!!!!! *licks lips* speaking of which i hear a piece calling out my name.............. chow!!!

10.22 is my bday!!!! ^_^

11-23-2001, 06:27 AM
Thanksgiving, 2001

I realized that I kick ass. My ass kickage is so incredible that it's frightning.

I had pig today. Juicy, sumptuous pig. I had my epiphany when I was feasting on the beast, and nearly choked.

I kick ass.

11-24-2001, 01:05 AM
Dear Journal,

It's 3AM, and Wyll just totally randomly phoned me. *laughs* It was totally unexcpected at 3am.

I couldnt understand much from his Scottish accent as I had to put my cell charging whilst he yelled something. He yelled something about "God", and then when I finally got my phone charging and asked "What's up?", he yelled "Feck off!!" and hung the phone. *laughs*

That was so fecking random as whole. Made me laugh a lot. It was insane.

Other than that, it's friday/saturday night, and this is awesome.


11-24-2001, 01:35 AM
It's kinda strange... by all rights, I should be bloody miserable, but I'm not... I'm just indifferent to the whole damn thing... sod it, right here and right now I'm gonna make a stand, I'm gonna change my ways (how many bloody times have I said that now?) I'm just not who I thought I was, so I better go find myslef before I get royally screwed over...

11-25-2001, 08:12 AM
dear diary

first time writting in this thread !!!

well im sick and its really buggin me!!

11-25-2001, 08:15 AM
Journal Journal on the wall, whose got the stupidest thing to say by far? Why ME of course!

Well anyhoo, nothing much to talk about this month...
I've been noticing my addiction for RO, I just find myself saying "I can quit whenever I want to" I'm just probably in denial, you know... it's like when you know you're going to die you go through those stages, like denial, anger, acceptance... something like that. On top of this Citizen Bleys is trying to put back the "magic" on EoFF by doing some outrageous stuff, which might get his threads closed, him de-admined, and even banned :whoa: *note to self, NEVER use a smily again*

Anyhoo, I was thinking of changing my avatar to no sig pic, and a cool looking avatar pic of Trance Kuja, hmm... i still have to think about it. Oh and one last thing... MGS2 r0x0rZ!

umm.. yeah that's all I have to say

11-26-2001, 12:06 AM
Wow... I think I've gone off the rails a bit today... I keep on trying to incite rebellion in the EoFF forums... maybe that ain't the smartest of ideas...

Tomorrow, I got my big meeting which will decide my future at school... quite frankly I'm sh!tting myself, which is kinda odd... I mean, plenty of people drop out of school and are still successes, so it shouldn't really matter if I do... but I've kinda built up this image of me going off to university, getting an absolutely amazing degree in Computer Science or Philosophy and then going to work as a teacher/lecturer in Philosphy or become a web-site designer... which sucks coz' the way I'm going, that ain't gonna happen...

You're probably thinking why the hell doesn't he just get off his arse and start working? Quite simply, I don't know... for some unknown reason, I can't be arsed to do a bit of hard work to achieve my dreams... To be honest, I think I've got to get the hell out of here and make a fresh start, but how the hell am I gonna do that?

Ah, sod it... I'll think about it in the morning... it's 00:08 here in the UK and I need some bloody sleep...

11-26-2001, 05:18 AM
played guitar. plotted. made the first ever 'mr mean and sooty and friends' colouring in book. sat geo exam. loitered. went home. did stuff. and things.

ps - sorry to PS2Freak...

EoFF Sniper
11-27-2001, 09:41 PM
Dear Journal

Today, I have killed eight people... nice! I've been having fun in the GC forum, sniping from a great height... pitiful fools, they shall never know who I am! Except of course the admins who very cleverly traced my IP address to find out who I am... bugger...

Oh well, time to increase my kill count :D

11-28-2001, 04:24 AM
<font color=#CC33FF>I could honestly kill myself. Today has not been a great day and......time is running out for me.

Christmas is going to feel really lonely this year. I feel so....sick. It's like I want to vomit out all this hurt that is inside me. I can't take it anymore.

11-30-2001, 12:13 AM
things between me and my mom are worsening. my brother is smoking pot again and my dad is a drunk. my youngest brother holds the delusion that our family is perfect. how i pitty him and yet at the same time i with I had those delusions. i could kill myself too. and yet i don't bc i have someone who needs me right now. my life is doing great by the way!! ^_^

11-30-2001, 12:51 AM
Dear Journal

i aint done shit today... oh yea i have a test tomorrow so ill be studying now good bye

Funkmonkey Deluxe
12-01-2001, 01:07 AM
<font face="courier"><font color="red">3 more days!!!!!! I can't wait 3 days!!!!!!! On Decemeber 3, I shall own Super Smash Brothers: Melee! *Sits and waits impatiently*