Short Books

[Levian]

1. "Esthar's Lexicon - Volume 2 - Letters C through D" ~ by Ultimecia
2. "Advanced Survivor's Handbook" ~ by the cast of FFIV, with a little help from Aeris.
3. "My swimming career" ~ by Priscilla FF7

Your turn!

[Cookie]

Where can I buy these? :p

[Gilthanes]

"Man's Guide to Talking to Women" by Edgar, editted by Locke
"Dances with Wolves" by Mog
"The Interpretation of Dreams" by Freud.. err I mean Shadow

[Vermachtnis]

"Being an Individual" by Fighter
"Lern two spil gud" by S-M-R-T NPC (FFV)
"An Honest Days Work" by Yuffie

[blackmage_nuke]

The Self Help Book: Cast of VI

Interesting ways to position statues: Kefka

Interesting ways to position statues: Gogo

Banon's Autobiograpghy: Duncan

[Avarice-ness]

The Self Help Book: The Nihilist version - Cast of VI highly edited by Kefka

[Griff]

Reasons Why Necrophilia is Better Than Tifa - by Claeris fans.

[Kawaii Ryûkishi]

You guys are doing it wrong. The idea is that the books would be short because the authors are inept where it comes to their subject matter, or at least would have little to say about about it.

The Etiquette of Courting: How to Win a Woman's Heart Through Honor and Formality
by Don Corneo

Essays: Every Intelligent Thought I've Ever Had
by Squall Leonhart

The Facts of Accurate Time-Keeping
by the Zozonian City Council

[Vivisteiner]

"How not to be a God" by Steiner
"Fitting in" by Kuja'
"I dont give a fuck about anything" by Vivi
"Natural hairstyles" by Cloud
"Gambling is bad" by Cait Sith
"My favourite food: Rice and Curry" by Zell
"Real love" by Squall and Rinoa
"How to be macho" by Tidus
"Beneficial Tools of Destruction" by Reddas

[Avarice-ness]

The Facts of Accurate Time-Keeping
by the Zozonian City Council

:love: :love: :love:

Sword Mastery by Relm Arrowny

[The Crystal]

"How to Die for Good and Never Come Back" by Sephiroth

"How to Reach Immortality" by Kuja

[ReloadPsi]

"Staying Alive Long Enough to be Effective" - FF1 Black Mage (published posthumously)

"English for Beginners" - The cast of FF4

"Voice Acting 101 - the ultimate compilation" - The cast of FFX, preface written by Vaan, Ashe and Penelo

"House Hunting - A guide to getting all the info on your new home" - Cid Kramer

"English for Intermediate users" - Professor Daravon

"Hiding your Emotions" - Maria (FF2)

"Hiding your Emotions II" - Tidus

"Diversity and Equality" - Wakka

"Safer Science for Everyone" - Professor Hojo

"My Battle with Bulemia" - Quina Quen

"My Battle with Memory Loss" - Quina Quen

"The Greatest Breakthrough" - the wizard who first discovered how to cast the AMUT/Vox spell in FF1

[The Ceej]

Interesting ways to position statues: Kefka

Interesting ways to position statues: Gogo

This may not have been done correctly, but it was the funniest moment on the thread. Hilarious.

[Crossblades]

"Guide to traveling around Zozo" - By Avarice-ness:p

[Skyblade]

"The Importance of a Father-Figure in Juvenile Development" by Sephiroth

[PeneloRatsbane]

"Bunny-loving for begginers" By Balthier Bunansa
"large hair and larger swords" By Cloud Strife
"how to put your foot in it" By Vaan
"short tempers and even shorter skirts" by ashelia b'nargin dalmasca
WHow having large breasts and working in a pub doesn't always win you a man" anon

[Remedy]

"in your dreams" by Tidus
lol I cant think of books tiltles as much as you guys :P

[Avarice-ness]

"Guide to traveling around Zozo" - By Avarice-ness:p

It's suppose to be something I know nothing about...

do I know nothing about that, Who knows? Wait, dammit that was a like tricky book title. I should write that book now, excuse me.

[Skyblade]

"Down to Earth"
~The Cids

"The Intricacies of Inspiring Terror through Speech"
~Garland, Knight of Corneria

"Stand Your Ground"
~Gilgamesh, Legendary Swordman

[Big D]

The Modern Woman's Guide to Assertive Self-Confidence - Lady Yuna

The Art of Facial Hair - with contributions from most Final Fantasy male leads

Dressing for Survival: The Right Clothes for Every Environment - Yuffie, Tifa, Rikku, Fran, Penelo

The Modern Sniper's Guide to Assertive Self-Confidence - Irvine Kinneas

[Skyblade]

The Modern Sniper's Guide to Assertive Self-Confidence - Irvine Kinneas

Personally, I'd make that one a subtitle.

Pulling the Trigger: The Modern Sniper's Guide to Assertive Self-Confidence
~Irvine Kinneas
A simpler title followed by a sophisticated subtitle is more fitting for Irvine, I think. Even for a book as short as that one would be. ;)

Working Alone: A Guide to Independence and Self Sufficiency
~Rydia, Yuna, Eiko, and Garnet

[Vivisteiner]

"The Dangers of Caffeine Addiction" - Auron
"Brain training Vol IV: Improving your memory" - Sir Fratley
"Taking pride in your appearance" - Adelbert Steiner
"Sensitivity" - Cid Highwind

[The Ceej]

I guess I can give this a try now.

Lying To Yourself: The Best Way To Come Out Of The Closet by Tidus

Fashion Volume II: How To Pick Out A Shirt by Vaan Ratsbane

When To Talk; When To Shut Up by Maechan

Be Yourself: Your Family Is Not Necessarily You by Krile Badesion

How Drawing Enemies Actually Helps In Battle by Relm Arrowny

Tough Choices: All The Reasons Why I'm More Important Than A Relic by Mog

Breaking Stereotypes by Barret Wallace

All right, I have to go to work soon, so I may come back later with more. I know I've overlooked a couple games, but I don't have time right now.

[ReloadPsi]

"How To Be Taken Seriously" - Yuna (written sometime after the events of FFX-2)

"English for Advanced Users" - Brother

[Hazzard]

Eloquence, Intellect and Courtesy - The Road to being a Gentleman ~
Balthier

Down 'n Dirty - How to seduce a man to your liking ~
Fran, Tifa

[Loony BoB]

Songs for the Journey by Selphie

Increase Your Vocabulary by Squall

[The Ceej]

Fashion Volume III: Appropriate Belt Usage by Lulu

Diving In: Why The Mechanics Of Blitzball Make Perfect Sense by Tidus

What Women Like In A Man by Squall Leonhart

Bon Apetit: The Official Balamb Cookbook by Zell Dincht

What I've Learned As A Garden Instructor by Quistis Trepe

The Medical Journal Volume V: Keeping A Healthy Stomache by Zone

The Pickpocket: It's Easy To Steal Quickly And Efficiently Every Time By Zidane Tribal

Mental Health Volume IV: Keeping Your Cool In Even The Toughest Situations by Captain Adelbert Steiner

The Mechanics Of Magic: How Spells Like Blizzard And Water Can Cause Massive Damage by Vivi Orunitia

Again, I'm out of time, but maybe I'll come back with more again.

[Jiro]

Hair Care ~ Rude
Money isn't everything ~ Shinra Executives
Keeping the planet healthy ~ President Shinra
Being an Individual ~ Cloud Strife
Thats all I have. I'll post more as I think of them.

[theundeadhero]

Making life easier with machines ~Cyan

[BG-57]

Fighting Dirty by Rubicant

Modesty Becomes Her by LeBlanc

Fun with Umaro-Baiting by Mog

[Crossblades]

Dungeons and Dragoons - By Kain Highwind

[Vermachtnis]

"How to Help Your Friends" ~ Leila

"Nameing Your Kingdom to Instill Fear" ~ King of Corneria

"SNEAK ATTACK!: A Guide To Getting A Jump on the Enemy" ~ Wakka

"SNEAK ATTACK! 2: How To Not Get Caught Off Guard" ~ Aeris

[Jiro]

Finishing The Fight ~ Rufus, Palmer and the Turks.
Shortsword: The Ultimate Weapon ~ Sephiroth
Saving The World Through Speech, Not Violence ~ Entire FF Cast
Not very good, but all I have now.

[theundeadhero]

Explaining Time Travel ~Chaos, a.k.a. Garland
Speaking with Tact, a military commanders guide ~Cecil
How to Pick Up Chicks ~Kain
Living Childhood to the Fullest ~Rydia

[NeoCracker]

The importance of Consistancy - Leon (FFII) (I think hes the guy I'm thinking of)

The Perfect Tea Party - Kefka, Kuja, and Ex-death

Slim Fast worked for me - Queen Bahrn (FFIX) (I probably spelled that horribley wrong)

[ReloadPsi]

The importance of Consistancy - Leon (FFII) (I think hes the guy I'm thinking of)



Both him and Firion are notorious for this (Firion is a truncation of his Japanese name which is something like Firionieru)

[scrumpleberry]

How Not To Accessorise: why you can't just grab random objects or scraps of cloth and use them to accentuate your modest beauty - Most FF Girls

Appropriate Use of Non - Archaic Adjectives In Everyday Conversation - Tellah

Yeah, I've got writers block atm. :eep:

[Takara]

How to be a Macho - Gilbart Chris Von Muir

[NeoCracker]

Keeping a Straight Face - Kefka
Safety First - Cid (FF IV)

[Selena_Akariko]

Happy colors: How to avoid black in clothing in order not to look Emo or Goth. - by Cloud Strife, co-authored with Sephiroth and his remnants, edited by Squall Leonheart.

[Rase]

Acceptance: Dealing with the Permanent Tragedy of Death ~ Cast of FFIV
How to Talk Out Problems Rationally ~ Tellah
The Awesome Power of Water ~ Cainazzo

[NeoCracker]

Acceptance: Dealing with the Permanent Tragedy of Death ~ Cast of FFIV
How to Talk Out Problems Rationally ~ Tellah
The Awesome Power of Water ~ Cainazzo


You, my friend, have succeeded at life. Congratulations.

[Takara]

Acceptance: Dealing with the Permanent Tragedy of Death ~ Cast of FFIV
How to Talk Out Problems Rationally ~ Tellah
The Awesome Power of Water ~ Cainazzo


You, my friend, have succeeded at life. Congratulations.

:D

Contraceptives & You: How to Prevent Teen Pregnancy by Katarin
How to Pick the Most Vicious Crew for Your Ship by Bikke
Fashion for the Prudes by Lady Yunalesca

[chionos]

Innovative Character Design: A Beginner's Guide to Creating Unique and Imaginative Video Game Characters ~ by Tetsuya Nomura

How to Avoid Prejudice and Racism in the Work-Place: Ebonics and the Homoginization of the English Language ~ by Barrett Wallace

Planned Parenthood: Contraception, Abortion, and You ~ by Duane and Katarin Branford

Break from conventional purpose of thread:
10 Must-Know Tips to Avoid Arrogant Philandering Pigs ~ by Gogo/Darryl

an excerpt from above book:

"Tip 3. Fake Your Death. Nothing burns bridges like a fiery airship crash. If at all possible, the wreckage should be hard to find, in a mountain range or body of water."

"Tip 7. Novus Visius. You must create for yourself a whole new persona...new clothing, new speach patterns...leave him guessing who or what you really are."

[The Unknown Guru]

Great Successes in Experimental Larynx Surgery -Crono
Treasure Hunting for Dummies -Siegfried
Nietzsche: The Life of a Visionary -Kefka
The Beginner's Guide to Cursing Like a Pro -Tellah

[Roto13]

Papa Was A Samurai: An Autobiography ~ Owain Garamonde

Yeah, I went there.

[Dragonface]

How to get in a love triangle for dumbies ~ Kain
I love my robot ~ Wakka
How to get my hubins/boyfriend to love me instead of his robot for dumbies ~ Lulu
Ways to piss your old man off ~ Tidus, updated by Rikku
Ways to piss your dead brother/s off ~ Wakka & Vaan
Ways to piss your wife/girlfriend off ~ wife version by cids, girlfriend version by Squall & Cloud
Ways to keep your man from sluts ~ Tifa, Garnet, Yuna & Penelo
Ways to have camo in Kingdom Hearts ~ Squall & co (FF crew in Kingdom Hearts only)

it could go on

[cid highwind]

i like shields - written by fighter ff1 (referance to 8-bit theatre)

happiness- written by squall leonheart edited by cloud strife

[PeneloRatsbane]

How to mysteriously vanish when FMV sequences start - By Vincent and Yuffie

[ReloadPsi]

Continuity Volume I: How To Make a Bulletproof Wall for your Parade Float - Edea

Continuity Volume II: How To Be Arrested by Hordes of Soldiers - Irvine Kinneas

[No.78]

Look 50 Years Younger- Fran

Travelling With Idiots- Paine

How to hook a princess- Zidane

[Necronopticous]

It's hilarious that most of you guys still haven't grasped the concept of this thread.

[Griff]

Questing for Crystals - By Cloud, Squall, and Tidus

[Takara]

Red: A Fashionable Colour - Rydia

The Guide of the Modern, Independant Woman - Tome I: How to Avoid Being the Victim - Rinoa

Proper Grammar and You - Quina

Black: An Unfashionable Colour - Lulu

[chionos]

It's hilarious that most of you guys still haven't grasped the concept of this thread.

No excuses either, le faux homme cleared everything up on the first page.


You guys are doing it wrong. The idea is that the books would be short because the authors are inept where it comes to their subject matter, or at least would have little to say about about it.


It's not just about sticking to the rules either, as the above is what makes the books funny.
Also...
Rabbits.

[The Ceej]

And now, some more examples of the correct way to play this game:

The Art Of Humility by Seifer Almasy

Magic And Fun: Coming Up With Witty Lines To Say While Casting Your Magic by Lulu

English Volume III: The Proper Use Of Pronouns by Kimahri Ronso

The Anorexia Diet: Lose Pounds And Inches By Eating Nothing by Quina Quen

Versatility In Battle: There's More To Do Than Just Attack by Umaro

Musical Melee: How A Harp Can Realistically Be Used As An Effective Weapon by Edward

Relationships Volume I: The Best Ways To Maintain Good Status With Your Party Members by Reeve "Cait Sith"

Proper Introductions: Why It's Important To Give Your Name With An Introduction by Nanaki "Red XIII"

Self Control: Only You Can Control You by Edea

Will I come back with more? Probably not. But maybe.

[ReloadPsi]

Feasible Plotlines - Necron

Feasible Plotlines II - Ultimecia

English for Expert Users - Quina Quen

Adjectives 101 - Moguta

Kick the Habit: Kupo Nuts - Moguta

Continuity Volume III: Homicide Edition - Sephiroth, with review and notes by Aeris

Unlimited Power! - Jenova LIFE

[Disco Potato]

How to Make Friends by Squall Leonhart

(I'm sure a lot more characters fit this, but Squall's the first that comes to mind :p)

[Dr. Acula]

Manners And Etiquette by Cid Highwind

Being Hospitable- How to Make Guests feel welcome in your Home also by Cid Highwind

How to Avoid Women by Edgar, Edge, Irvine, Zidane and Balthier


They aren't very good but whatyagonnado.:D

[Big D]

Responsible Foster Parenting: Why the Life of a Killer Mercenary is Right for Orphaned Children by Cid Kramer

Getting What You Deserve from Love and Relationships by Quistis Trepe

The Twin Arts of Charm and Chivalry by Laguna Loire

[Finola]

I've laughed my head off, well, at least there's a proper reason why mine's are quite pathetic.

How to keep your hair flat by Cloud, and later edited by Wakka
Laughing fake-laugh beautifully by Tidus
Avoiding bad experiences in life by Garnet
Living without girls by Zidane
Make-up hints for males: How to make shadows under your eyes disappear by Vivi
Keeping your tongue hidden by Quina
Amazing nature: Best ways to enjoy thunder shower by Rikku


There's something wrong with my imagination..

[chionos]

There's something wrong with my imagination..

You don't have one?
sorry,
I had to

[Finola]

You don't have one?
sorry,
I had to

Hah, that's ok.
I guess the right choice would be to blame my bad English :p

[Momiji]

How To Have A Massive Fanbase~ Biggs and Wedge
How To Be An Individual~ Gogo

[Heath]

ELOQUENCE - Fujin
Simple Experiments in the Bedroom - Dr. Hojo
How to be a Loyal, Long-term team member - Baigan