View Full Version : Oh my Friggin' GOD!~ The most unholies of unholies has befallen me!!!!

12-10-2007, 10:47 AM
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My stomach hurts... feels as if someone drove a sledge hammer into it multiple times. My nose burns, my feet and shoulders ache. I can't get anything to drink/eat[and I am parched]. Why oh Why must this have befallen one such as I?!

Tonight at around 3:15 I noticed a slight stench. My first thought was <ughh.. .why didn't someone tell me to shower before now>?!

You see I had neglected to shower for a couple days now and had been doing more exercise than normal as well. Thus, I prepare to shower. Boxer briefs - check, shirt-check, pantsthatfit-check, and now it is time to go to the bathroom and check stuff like towels and soap. I exit my room and enter the back hall of our home.

This stench.... it has become unholy! I look down the hall towards the kitchen and see a wet spot on the floor.

<DAMN, those dogs they pissed all over the floor> came the thought.... and then <but it shouldn't smell this bad, I wonder if they are excreting blood... well I should clean it up anyways>. I near the wet spot and notice some chunks in it.

<that isn't pee..... did one of them through up?> I thought. At this point I made a mistake... a mistake that nearly cost me my life(well maybe not that severe).

I breathed in through my nose by habit. Next thing I now the edges of my vision are darkening and everything I had eaten in the past 20 years of my life threatened to come up and out of me. I quickly stagger away before I am overcome by this unholy stench!

<Mom, why the smurf do you do this?!> is my thought when I have recovered some of my senses(though my nose still burned awfully bad). You see, I had discovered the source of the stench. My mother for God only knows why keeps the old grease from cooking in a container. It is one of those family sized containers of Hot Chocolate Mix. It is HUGE and was nearly full if my memory serves right. There it was on the counter where she normally keeps it; however, one thing had changed. It was tipped over and the lid was missing. The chunks in the liquid were likely old pieces of eggs/hamburger/God_only_knows_what that got dumped in there with the grease.

As much as I would want to leave it to morning and let mother clean it up, I can't. Not because of the stench. That is easily rectified. I have a window and a fan in my room. I could save myself from that. However, in that short bit right before I was tempted to black out I saw some of the dogs near there trying to lap it up. That I can't let happen, that stuff could be over a year old for all I know. Even a dog's stomach couldn't handle that!

To the bathroom I run, thanking whatever God or gods that may be for having me miss showers all those days. My plan was simple. Find some towels to clean it up with and to go out and clean. However, no matter how hard I try not to due to habit I would likely breath through my nose at least once while cleaning. Thus, the thanking of God or the gods. I pull off my longsleeve shirt and turn it inside out, I then wrap it around my face so that the armpits are covering my nose(kids do not attmept this at home. Several day old armpit sweat STINKS). I then head out to the battle field having my cell phone play FinalFantasy/ChronoTrigger/ChronoCross/ParasiteEve battle music(as well as some misc Parasite Eve music).

It takes me about 10-15 minutes to wipe it all up(it soaked 4 good sized bath towels all the way through). During which I accidently breathed through my nose several times. The old sweat stench and several layers of shirt barely dent the power of this unholy stench; however, the dent is large enough that I just barely remain conscious. Several times I nearly slipped and went down, the stuff got on my pants and even some splashed on my shirt when I had to chase the dogs away(I regret I was more aggressive with them than I normally would be). I can't even count how many times I nearly through up into my shirt. Every time I soaked a towel through I would toss it into the washing machine(on the backporch which is connected to the kitchen). The moment I soaked up the last bit I ran to the washer turned it on HARDCORE CLEANING MODE and stripped all the way down throwing every bit of the clothing in as well. To top it all off I put in nearly two caps of detergent.

A quick sprint to the bathroom cupboard arms me with a can of air deodorizer. There is no need to tell you what I did with that. Let me just say it was unable to dent the remaining stench by much. After I launched that last desperate attack I jump into a shower set to the hottest it could get. I proceed to scrub so hard that I turn my skin redder than what the hot watter did. I then proceed to use someone's body wash, shampoo and conditioner. Far more than what I think most people utilize(which is something because I rarely use shampoo and have never used the other two).

Alas, at battles end I lost. The stench, even with my window open, still oppresses me with its unholy powers. My stomach won't settle and is in pain from all the dry heaving. My throat aches and my head hurts. My shoulders pain me from the scrubbing and my feet have been rubbed raw. Yet this unholy stench still persists even through scrubbing, body, wash, shampoo, condition, deodorizer and deodorant. And yes some of this stench is coming from me... I checked.

The power of the unholy stench is too great, I plead with thee to avoid this devil at all costs!

I REALLY had to get that rant off my shoulders... ugggh.... I still feel like I could throw up at any time :(.

12-11-2007, 12:58 AM
You threw the bath towels into the washer?! With all of that grease on them? I suggest you wash that load at least three times. I would also suggest bleach, but you threw your own clothes in there as well and bleach would not be the thing for them. I would have thrown them into the garbage or better yet, used rags. Good luck. :)

12-11-2007, 01:19 AM
Ahh... I thought you were going to say "aids". :cool:

12-11-2007, 01:33 AM
Yeah, mother made sure that they went through several times.

As for bleaching my own clothes... me, as long as they are still wearable[in one piece] it doesn't bother me since they weren't work or dress clothes. I got absolutely no problem with weird looking clothes[I got several my mom bleached stained by accident with all those white spots etc. I just make sure I don't wear them to work or when I need to be dressy].

As for the bath towels... they were our old crappy bath towels for the most part[the towels we use on the dogs usually]. However, tossing even old bath towels is a no no here. We use things until they can't possibly be used anymore to save on financial strain.

If we had had any paper towels I would have tried to use them instead[and instantly take them to the outside garbage]. However, we rarely have them around.

Ahh... I thought you were going to say "aids".

Who knows what that old grease could give you :rolleyes2.

Though ?thankfully? it wasn't as old as I thought. According to mom she filled that whole container in a little over a month. Which may explain why I never did like her cooking.

12-11-2007, 01:33 AM
Eeeeewww...You deserve lotsa candy for doing such a gross chore :exdee:

Aerith's Knight
12-11-2007, 01:51 AM
amen to that

*gives 4 pounds of candy*

stalpho slayer
12-13-2007, 01:55 AM
:mwahaha: i poisoned your food