Final Fantasy bloopers (for fun!!)

[jammi567]

Okay, i saw this in the AC forum, and i thought that it might be fun to apply it to all of the games in the series (yes, even *shudder* DoC).
_______________________________________________________

Squall: ......

Director: And....cut! Cut for lunch, everybody!

Squall (to Cloud): Christ, i bloody hate this character, he's just soo bloody emo, isn't he!

Cloud: He sooo totally is. I'm just off to have my manicure. Coming?

Squall (backing away): Err, i think i'll pass on that.

(One hour later)

Director: Okay, everybody. Remember, Squall, you're still the silent bastard who doesn't care about anyone else.

Squall: Sure, whatever.

Director: Perfect! Now, Action!

Zell: Squall, let me have a look at your gunblade.
Squall: .......
Zell: Pretty please. I promise i won't touch it. Afterall, it's yours, and yours alone.
Squall: ......
Zell: Fine, i'll just have to look for myself (begins to bend down...)

Coud: Hi, Squally! I've finished my manicure, and just wondered what you wanted to do now.

Director: Cut! Who the bloody hell is that guy?! I want him off the set right now, and for the characters to be back in their starting positions!

Assisstant Director: I think he came from that studio across the lot. You know, where they're shooting something called Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children.

Director: Bastards! Thinking that they're so much better than us in every way, just because they've got Mr T in their movie. I won't stand for it! Afterall, we've got Robin Williams, and he can make any story sell, reguardless of wether it's actually any good or not. You know, like that bloody awful movie, License to Wed. Made millions in America, but the story was crap!

[Griff]

Director: Ok, casting for the lead role in Final Fantasy IX, Garnet, are you ready?
Garnet: I guess
Director: Ok, bring on the first candidate.

(A purple-clad monk walks on stage)

Miroku: Will you bare my children?

Director: Too up front, NEXT!

Naruto: I will save you princess Garnet, BELIEVE IT!

Director: Too annoying, NEXT!

Luffy: So, you're a princess? That's great, cuz I'm gonna be king of the pirates!

Director: Not on this production, NEXT!

Garnet: They all suck
Director: I've noticed
????: Perhaps I can be of assistance.

(A old man in a lab coat walks out)

Director: Hojo? What are you doing here?
Hojo: I've trained a monkey to talk and act human, it could be used for your production.
Director: Why would you train a monkey to talk?
Hojo: I was originally going to train it to write after the whole fiasco that was the storyline of FF7, thinking that it could do a better job, but it turns out its easier to learn english than to write a convincing plot for a Japanese RPG...
Director:Fine, give him a shot.

(Monkey walks onto the stage)

Monkey: Ooo, soft.

Director: That's brilliant! You're hired. What's your name.
Monkey: Zidane.
Director: Well Zidane, you've got talent. Stick with me and I guarentee you will be a star.

-The End-

[ReloadPsi]

(A old man in a lab coat walks out)

Director: Hojo? What are you doing here?
Hojo: I've trained a monkey to talk and act human, it could be used for your production.
Director: Why would you train a monkey to talk?
Hojo: I was originally going to train it to write after the whole fiasco that was the storyline of FF7, thinking that it could do a better job, but it turns out its easier to learn english than to write a convincing plot for a Japanese RPG...
Director:Fine, give him a shot.

(Monkey walks onto the stage)

Monkey: Ooo, soft.

Director: That's brilliant! You're hired. What's your name.
Monkey: Zidane.
Director: Well Zidane, you've got talent. Stick with me and I guarentee you will be a star.



Win.

Director: Okay Sephiroth, what you're gonna do is drop down using this harness and that sword of yours is gonna retract into the hilt when you hit Aeris in the back. Then we're gonna have special effects animate a sword coming through her (he signals round to Aeris' belly; Aeris grins)

Aeris: With no blood :p

Director: Indeed, with no blood :p And you guys just carry on acting it as rehearsed, okay?

Sephiroth: Cool beans.

Director: Alright! Silence on set! Seph, you in position?

(Sephiroth waves)

Director: Roll camera! Aeris' death, shot five, take one. Aaand... action!

(Sephiroth drops down, hits Aeris in the back, she writhes in pain for a moment.)

Director: Cut! That was fantastic! That's a wrap on the first disc, folks!

Later, in the cutting room...

Editor: Who the hell forgot to get Sephiroth to wear his gloves!?

----------------------------

Kid in Kilika: I'm gonna be a Blitzball when I grow up!

Director: Cut!

Cameraman: Uh, we're all out of film.

Director: Crap. We'll just have to go with that.

[blackmage_nuke]

Tidus is surrounded by shattered glass
Tidus: damn random encounters

[Big D]

There are some really clever posts in this thread. I'm pretty poor at this, but here's my attempt...

During Final Fantasy VIII

Quistis: "Squall, we want to help you."

Squall: "...."

Quistis: "You have to let us in. You need to trust your friends."

Squall: "...."

Director: "CUT! Squall, keep to the script! Three dots, not four! The line is '...', not '....'! Enough with the ad-libbing already!"

[jammi567]

Assisstant Director: Sir, why are we constantly reconing Final Fantasy VII with new, pointless games about things people already know about?

Director: Because, otherwise, we wouldn't make any more money.

AD: But sir, we're the richest video company in Japan. In fact, the Government is constantly asking us for money.

Director: Your point being?

AD: *rolls eyes* Fans are beginning to hate us because wer're bringing out more pointless games at a rate of one a year, and sale figures are becoming less and less per game.

Director: Good point. I know, lets expand on the world of Ilivace!

AD: But sir, shouldn't we be concentrating of Final Fantasy XIII, you know, the one that we still need to actually, properally promote so that people will actually notice it?

Director: Bollocks that! Just stick the words Final Fantasy on it, and it'll make back double the amount we spent making it in a month! It worked for Kingdom Hearts and Tactics, didn't it?

AD: Yes, but sir...

Director: Just shut up already, and help me make this new game.
_____________________________________________________

Stunt Co-ordinater: Okay, Cloud, so you know what you're doing for this scene against Bahamut?

Cloud: Sure. I use my friends mental strength to physically propel me to the monster, so that i can dig my sword into it, and kill it using a simple slash attack. Afterwards, i position my full, so that i land on the massive amount of hard crashmats.

SO: Perfect! Director, he's all yours.

Director: Brilliant! And...action!

(Cloud jumps up, and does his thing flawlessly. Suddenly, he gets destracted by Aerith (for whatever strange reason) and doesn't notice that he's moved away from the crashmats. He crashes onto the solid concorate floor).

Director: :skull::skull::skull::skull:! That's the third time this week. Sweep him up, and bring in RoboCloud #30.

(The Producer walks up) Remind me why you're wasting my money on these crappy robots.

Director: Because every person that we auditioned for the part just wasn't emo enough, and they displayed too many emotions. So we gave up, and built our own.

Producer: But they keep breaking!

Director: I know. I just don't know what the hell's wrong with them.

[Goldenboko]

I keep this kinda stuff buried in the dark abyss of the writer's corner in my Playin' threads, outside of it it just doesn't feel right xD

[Zora]

Sorry, I don't REMEMBER the exact lines from FFVI, but this is the scene where Locke and Celes meet

Celes: I want to die. I did wrong to my country. I turned out to be a traitor.

Locke: I just saved you. Don't do anything. Don't kill yourself.


*week later*

Co-worker: Director, Celes just fell of the cliff

[PeneloRatsbane]

Balthier/Fran entry scene

Director: okay so the guns on safety right
Balthier: yes
drives along, jumps off, slings gun over shoulder
*Bang*
Fran: ahhhh ahhh my face!!!
Balthier: uh-oh

[Kawaii Ryûkishi]

Final Fantasy bloopersYou mean bloomers (http://forums.eyesonff.com/general-archive/39711-create-your-own-final-fantasy7-mistakes-info-inside-there-will-spoilers.html).

[Vermachtnis]

[Final Fantasy IV - Bahamut's Cave]
Bahamut: 5
Kain: I've got this, don't worry.
Bahamut: 4
Rosa: We're counting on you.
Bamamut: 3
Cecil: This is it.
Bahamut: 2
Rydia: C'mon!
Bahamut: 1
Kain uses !Jump
Kain: URK!
Kain -9999 HP
Bahamut: Tch! I lowered my ceiling, no cheating! Oh yea, zero!
Bahamut uses Mega Flare!
Edge, Cecil, Rydia, Rosa -9999 HP

---
[Final Fantasy V - Battle on the Bridge]
Gilgamesh: Huh...huff...whew! I finally made.
A wind blows showing no one on the bridge.
Gilgamesh: Crap! Ex is gonna have my ass for this one.
Reina: Aww, I kind of feel bad for him.
Galuf: Stupid princess, we almost made to the other side.

[Battle on the Bridge II]
Butz: We've almost made.
Gilgamesh: Not so fast!
Galuf: It's Gilgamesh!
Gilgamesh: That is right! Your escapade ends--WHOA!
Butz: He slipped on bird crap! Let's run for it!

[Battle on the Bridge III]
Jessie: Prepare for trouble!
James: And make it double!
Jessie: To protect the world from devastation!
James: To unite all peoples within our nation.
Jessie: To denounce the evils of truth and love!
James: To extend our reach to the stars above!
Jessie: Jessie!
James: James!
Jessie: Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of light!
Gilgamesh: GIL GA MESH
James: Surrender now or prepare to fight!

[Battle on the Bridge IV]
Butz: Hey what's this?
Galuf: It's log, it keeps track of all the people travelling.
Butz: Should we sign it?
Galuf: It'd be criminal not.
Butz, Reina, Galuf, Faris all sign the log.
Butz: URK! My-my chest!
Reina: No! M-mine too.
Galuf: Wh-what's going on!
Faris: Ah!
Gilgamesh: JUST AS PLANNED!

[Evastio]

FFI:
(Talks to the fountain) Come look at your face. See how dirty it is!! Wash your face with my water.
Black Belt: AHHH!!! A TALKING FOUNTAIN!!

[Aerith's Knight]

FFVII

director: CUT! .. what the hell is that dog doing on stage?

assistant: I think hes trying to hump Aerith's leg, sir.

director: Brilliant, put that scene right after the one with headless Jelly.

Assistant: but sir! It might have rabies.

Director: Dont worry, we can always put a feather or something over the bubbles.