Greatest Puns ever

[NeoCracker]

"I submitted 10 puns to a contest."
"Did any of them win?"
"No pun in ten did."

Don't remember where I heard that one.

[Denmark]

The successful farmer was often noted as being outstanding in his field.

[blackmage_nuke]

What do you get when you throw a piano down a mineshaft?
A flat minor

Why did the musician have hydroxide?
He wanted to play bass

Why did the pianist get a fish?
He needed a tuna

Why wasnt the guy without arms allowed in the bar?
He couldnt hold his liquor

Why dont asymtopes ever get pulled over?
Then never go over the limit

A number goes into a bar and says im always greater than zero
the bartender goes "are you sure"
and the number says "absolutely"

[The Devil]

"I submitted 10 puns to a contest."
"Did any of them win?"
"No pun in ten did."

Don't remember where I heard that one.


The successful farmer was often noted as being outstanding in his field.


What do you get when you throw a piano down a mineshaft?
A flat minor

Why did the musician have hydroxide?
He wanted to play bass

Why did the pianist get a fish?
He needed a tuna

Why wasnt the guy without arms allowed in the bar?
He couldnt hold his liquor

Why dont asymtopes ever get pulled over?
Then never go over the limit

A number goes into a bar and says im always greater than zero
the bartender goes "are you sure"
and the number says "absolutely"

These are good, y'all.

[Ouch!]

"I submitted 10 puns to a contest."
"Did any of them win?"
"No pun in ten did."

Don't remember where I heard that one.
Probably when I cited that as an example the last time this thread popped up on the internet. Or a chain email. One or the other.

[The Devil]

"I submitted 10 puns to a contest."
"Did any of them win?"
"No pun in ten did."

Don't remember where I heard that one.
Probably when I cited that as an example the last time this thread popped up on the internet. Or a chain email. One or the other.

Chain mail is good but only when it includes real chains.

Also puns are the very fibre and life of every newspaper, so why not use them more?

[Ouch!]

"I submitted 10 puns to a contest."
"Did any of them win?"
"No pun in ten did."

Don't remember where I heard that one.
Probably when I cited that as an example the last time this thread popped up on the internet. Or a chain email. One or the other.

Chain mail is good but only when it includes real chains.

Also puns are the very fibre and life of every newspaper, so why not use them more?
My grandfather's ashes are quivering in the ocean as you write such things.

[Calliope]

Ask of me tomorrow, and you will find me a grave man!

*dies*

[The Devil]

Ask of me tomorrow, and you will find me a grave man!

*dies*

Heheh, how cute.





"I submitted 10 puns to a contest."
"Did any of them win?"
"No pun in ten did."

Don't remember where I heard that one.
Probably when I cited that as an example the last time this thread popped up on the internet. Or a chain email. One or the other.

Chain mail is good but only when it includes real chains.

Also puns are the very fibre and life of every newspaper, so why not use them more?
My grandfather's ashes are quivering in the ocean as you write such things.

If he harbors such hate of puns as that, he was a sad man then!

[Jiro]

I did an English Competition at school once. The only questions i did were the puns. I didn't finish anything else because i spent the whole time laughing. That was a good day.

[The Devil]

I did an English Competition at school once. The only questions i did were the puns. I didn't finish anything else because i spent the whole time laughing. That was a good day.

I'll bet it was! I love puns too.

Yes, I can actually have a sense of humor. But - if you come to know me in my home.... let's just say, you'll see the - uh, how to put this lightly - less accessible side.

[Rye]

I absolutely adore puns and knock knock jokes. I think they're so punny. One of my favorites is the one that someone said in a previous post, "A Flat Miner."

[Quindiana Jones]

"Got a light, Mac?"

"No, but I do have a dark brown overcoat."

[Denmark]

If he harbors such hate of puns as that, he was a sad man then!

If he harbors such hate of puns as that, then his ship has sailed.

[rubah]

I found one!

<Alucart> I do not lie to my wife. She would beat me!
<Alucart> I could punch her, sure, but she has mass. She can pounce and I would be done for! After that, it is just a matter of sitting on the dispute until I die from lack of air.

[The Unknown Guru]

A victorious high school chess team is celebrating their latest victory at a hotel lobby. They're all talking about their tough plays, why they made certain gambits, etc. Eventually, the owner of the place just booted them out. Why?

He can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

[Vincent, Thunder God]

You know, I happen to hate most puns with a passion.

Though I'll admit, most of these are ACTUALLY good.