Double Helix of sephiroth

[sir helix]

Double Helix

Ok sephiroth, you have way tomany issues.... first off your known as the one-winged angel, whats wrong couldn't afford the other wing XD
second, you have major mommy problems, and you even have a thyme song that consantly says your name. so is this so you don't forget it?

Your master plan is to ride the planet right? okay your already doing it just by standing around doing jack..... there was no reason stab Shinra in the back or Aireth for that matter, dude have some guts and don't attack people who have their backs turned....jeez

During the whole niblehim thing, you damn neart massacre the entire town, and then your ran through by a lowly foot trooper using (your blade) that you let Tifa get a hold of, and by letting Cloud kill you, you caused the poor kid brain trauma, and he started believing he was in soldier (after certain other events that i won't get into at the moment). So Sephiroth....... Your a big meany

[Heath]

As the press spokesman for Sephiroth, I'd like to deliver the following prepared statement:

"Sephiroth wishes Sir Helix a good new year and thanks him for his interesting comments made re: his personal life. He appreciates all the constructive criticism and fan letters that he gets and has always made it known that everything he does, he does for the fans. Sephiroth would, however, like to offer some clarification to the issues mentioned by Sir Helix.

Sephiroth would like to draw to your attention the number of birds, angels and other winged beings that have two wings. During the production stages of Final Fantasy VII, it was put to the producers that perhaps it would be more interesting to have seven or eight wings, to spice things up a bit. Sadly in order to meet the extra costs of more wings, the quality of the wings themselves inevitably declined and a misplaced Fire 3 destroyed all the extra wings. Faced with deadlines and with a budget that was fast depleting, an executive decision was made to go ahead with the one remaining, uncharred, wing.

Sephiroth finds the comments about his mother hurtful and does not wish to comment on it further. As legal action is currently being taken against the Midgar Sentinel for their article "Sephiroth and the Angry (b)itch," Sephiroth has been advised that commenting on this issue further would be in contempt of court or otherwise inappropriate. His thyme [sic] song constantly saying his name is to simply allow Sephiroth to end on a high note. The budget restraints as mentioned above meant that Sephiroth actually took a pay cut to finish filming his part in Final Fantasy VII and one way of compensating for this was allowing certain characters to have their own direct input on the script. Hence why there's a large emphasis on Sephiroth during his final scenes, visually and aurally. This is also why the character of Barrett is seen with a gun arm (requested by Barrett), why Aeris is killed (requested by Tifa) and why the Honey Bee Inn is no longer a gay club (as requested by Don Corneo).

Sephiroth feels it would be inappropriate to comment on certain actions carried out by those characters though is willing to correspond with you, off the record, if you feel the need to take that matter further.

Sephiroth would like to point to the out of court settlements that were achieved with Tifa and Cloud relating to the events in Nibelheim. He has expressed on several occasions the regret that he acted in a slightly exaggerated manner and that perhaps his actions were inappropriate given the context of the moment. He would, however, refute your claim that he is 'a big meany' by pointing out his numerous charitable donations over the past year, including to the Chocobo Sage Trust which helps inner-city children understand the worth of wearing odd hats.

Once more Sephiroth thanks you for your concern and your correspondence and hopes to see you at a signing of autobiography 'Why I thought Meteor was a jolly good ideal.'"

[sir helix]

(if my weekly threads bother anyone, please tell me i don't want to be banned for spam if this falls into the catagory, im just trying to have fun as does every one else, if i'm breaing the rules please tell me.)

[trancekuja]

I don't see a reason why they would bother anyone , and even if they do , you're not forcing anyone to read them...
...or are you?:D

[sir helix]

i'm a mind ninja lol

im just being cautious, ppl have been dropping like flys on the other forums iv joined for threads like this one.

[trancekuja]

Now that's just discrimination of ninjas!:)

[Meat Puppet]

Do ninjas really laugh out loud? Seems a little like a fatal flaw for the surreptitious.

[trancekuja]

Do ninjas really laugh out loud? Seems a little like a fatal flaw for the surreptitious.
Only when they are on forums and not lurking from your ceiling

[The Turk]

Ninjas are always lurking from your ceiling, you just don't know it!

The only time they don't is if you have a ceiling fan. Poor Shinobi never saw that coming.

I found this thread to be very amusing Sir Helix (there's nothing wrong with the topic!) and I found Heath's reply as a Square Spokesman to be hilarious.

I think Sephiroth's problems started when he was in the Shinra Mansion basement and was reading all those books, so the question is- just what was he reading that made him so angry. Perhaps he was disappointed with the Harry Potter ending and decided to take it out on Nibelhiem?

[sir helix]

No he was reading about the dinosaurs and decided to recreate the events (meateor fall).

[The Turk]

Sephiroth: That's it! I'm going to make the dinosaurs extinct by casting a meteor!

Cloud: But there aren't any dinosaurs...

Sephiroth: What did we just fight then?

Cloud: A dragon.

Sephiroth: Isn't that a dinosaur?

Cloud: No.

Sephiroth: .......I'm going to summon Meteor anyway!

Cloud: Why not just use your Supernova summon to destroy the planet rather than a convoluted plan involving Black Materia?

Sephiroth: Silence! How dare you use common sense to stand in the way of good narrative and plot device. I'm going to become a God!

Cloud: But if you destroy the planet there won't be anything to be a God over! I never should have lent you that Jurassic Park book. This is like the Green Eggs and Ham fiasco all over again. "I do not like Green Eggs and Ham, I do not like them Sam I Am. I do not like them with a mouse, I would not like them in a house. I do not like them on a wall, I will summon Meteor to eliminate them all.....oh, actually the green eggs aren't that bad"- god your such a moron.

Sephiroth: *Sobs* I'm going to see my Mummy.

[sir helix]

..................................so thats what happened.........................................

[The Turk]

Yep, all true. Bar the speaking bits.


And don't "................ ........" me, you're the one who started this crazy nonsense!!! :)

[Jessweeee♪]

Heath that was so awesome I am putting that and the OP in my iPod. So I can read it everywhere. xD

[sir helix]

but Turk............you............can't...............have a thread of this magnatude with out............................................................dramatic pauses XD