View Full Version : Love Story

Citizen Bleys
11-13-2009, 11:33 PM
So I was in London touring with my wildly successful heavy metal band, who you are all no doubt fans of, and we tried to engage the crowd.

"Let's hear some noise from all of the cockneys!" I yelled, and lo, there was noise.
The drummer called out "Now the Irishmen!" and there was NOISE!
I called out "Are the French here?", and there was noise, and when it subsided, I said "Get out."

At this point one person actually got up and started to move. "Woah there, I wasn't being serious," I called out.
For some reason, there was a mic at the back and he answered "I'm not French, I'm peeing."
"Well then," replied I, "I'll expect a full status report on your return."

When Pee Guy returned, we stopped midsong and called out "Well how was it?" He looked shocked. "I wasn't kidding about the status report."
"Uh, it was OK?" he returned?

Having invested this much attention in Pee Guy, the drummer suggested we invite him up on the stage, with anyone he was along with. Pee Guy, his girlfriend in tow, came up and waved for the crowd.

"LET'S HEAR IT FOR PEE GUY AND WHATSHERNAME!" And the crowd went wild.

"Now face each other," I said, and stood between them, facing the crowd. "We are gathered here today," I intoned, "to join Pee Guy and Whatshername in holy matrimony."

Now in the first place, the joke didn't get as much of a laugh as I was hoping for. I mean, it was a pretty funny joke. Maybe it would have been funnier to fake marry people who don't even know each other, but it was still a pretty damn good setup. I think I deserved a lot more laughs than I got. The problem is, Pee Guy totally ruined it.

After the (clearly insufficient) laughter died down, Pee Guy shrugged, pulled out a ring, and actually proposed. On stage. In front of thousands of people. The bastard totally jacked my joke!

As it turns out, Pee Guy was the Crown Prince of Japan. My drummer, Christopher Walken, had been trying to tell me all along. And just when I thought the day couldn't get worse, our tour bus was completely filled with ninjas. It took hours to clear them out.

So how was your day?

11-13-2009, 11:39 PM
I was walking along the streets today and there was this guy in pants came along and told me his pants wasn't zipped.

He said I can either zip it up for him or blow on the stick inside for him. :(

11-14-2009, 12:30 AM
My drummer, Christopher Walken, had been trying to tell me all along. And just when I thought the day couldn't get worse, our tour bus was completely filled with ninjas.

Was Daven one of them?

11-14-2009, 12:43 AM
I got paid to take a nap.

11-14-2009, 07:12 AM
Um, I worked.

11-14-2009, 11:41 AM
My day sucked compared to Bleys'. Though I totally got a facial. Pretty relaxing actually.

11-14-2009, 12:25 PM
My day yesterday consisted of me playing the sims 2 and then lurking Shlup's Sims 3 thread waiting for an update and pretty much just vegging the whole day lol

11-15-2009, 10:01 AM
Pretty successful. I woke up, completely revamped Neskaya, went to a party, got drunk, played drunken games, won my first three games of beer pong ever and so far I'm at an undefeated record.... yeah bishes, I rock at beer pong, cuddled with my friend's girlfriend, and then came home and am eating foood. :)

11-15-2009, 10:36 AM
It took me 8 times to not respond to this thread. period.

11-15-2009, 03:06 PM
It's a Bleys story baby just say yes.

Shattered Dreamer
11-15-2009, 05:40 PM
I went with my Dad & my sister is too watch my sisters new boyfriend's soccer team play & hoping to meet & scare the crap out of the boyfriend. His team were woeful bad & I discovered he is no more than 5'5 in height. No wonder my sister hates when my Mother calls him her little boyfriend:tongue:

Loony BoB
11-15-2009, 10:32 PM
Pretty boring to an annoying level. I couldn't get into anything at all and had no energy for going out. We took Smitzy for a walk about the back yard though and she seemed to take to it much better than usual, so yay.

11-15-2009, 10:48 PM
So I was at this concert for this totally kicking band that I totally love and the singer was kinda being a cockbag. Trying to rouse the crowd, make some noise, same old rockstar bull:bou::bou::bou::bou:. Anyway, he told the French to get the smurf out all rudely but I guess he was joking, which is cool. About the same time, I had to take an awesome dump so I got up and the singer cockbagged me out. Had to think quickly on my feet though and I told him I was just taking a piss. He was being a funny guy and told me he wanted a story about it afterwards, which I ignored flatly.

Anyway, I get back and he stops in the middle of my favorite song, crowd going wild beforeso, and he asks me about my piss. I'm confused as smurf because I totally forgot about this cockbag moron being a cockbag moron but I told him i t was awesome anyway (the piss anyway, my dump clogged the toilet all monster-like). So I go to retake my seat when they invite me and my girl up on stage, which was pretty smurfing cool of them after being such annoying tools. So we go up there and this god damn singer tries to be hilarious by saying that the entire crowd was hear to join me and my girl in holy matrimony. Totally smurfing ruined the entire thing but whatever, I'm gonna steal his joke. So I pull out this awesome diamond ring right there and give it to my girl and she says yes, of course. I'm the Crown prince of mothersmurfing Japan you don't say no to me.

Anyway, the rest of the concert was pretty cool but I was still pissed that he ruined my proposal so I sent a :bou::bou::bou::bou:load of ninjas to his tourbus to annoy him for awhile. I also totally dropped an upper decker in their bus bathroom. See how long it takes them to find that :bou::bou::bou::bou:.

Pretty cool day though.

11-15-2009, 11:46 PM
It's a Bleys story baby just say yes.
That's too homosexual even for me.

Nothing of note for me. I had four Cokes.

11-15-2009, 11:58 PM
Yesterday I woke up with no idea what I was going to waste my time with. I decided I was going to go to the store and buy some air duster to dust the air, paper towers to clean stuff with and a bookshelf so I would have somewhere to put my collection of video games. At the store the paper towels and air duster were pretty easy to find but where the furniture used to be was all moved around and I didn't see any furniture anywhere. There was only one thing left to do; go to the furniture store in the next town over. Instead I went home. Once I got home I dropped the stuff I bought off and went to ask a friend if he wanted to go with me, and of course he did. On the way back out to my truck I noticed that Molly "Helicopter's" car was gone. That was good. It meant that she made it home alright from her previous night's adventures. Nothing incredibly exciting happened on the way to the store or while in the store. On the way back I went the wrong way because German roads are weird and I hadn't driven anywhere for the past year so the ride home was more like an hour road trip. Once I got back it seemed like a good idea to follow the suggestion I had given to myself to sleep some more, so I did. I few hours later I awoke again with no idea what I was going to waste my time with. A few of my friends were going to go to Nurnburg but I wasn't really sure if I wanted to go or not. Then, later in the day, they must have decided that I was going to go anyway because they came into my room and carried my out to a car whether I wanted to go or not. There was a short drive to an ATM followed by a rush to the local train station because we had no idea when the next train to Nurnburg would be leaving. As it turns out the next one pulled up into the station just as we did, but we had no tickets! Mad dashing to the ticket machine we quickly bought some and made the train just in time. Once in the station we passed a McDonalds and I decided that's where I wanted to eat that night but not at that moment. We leisurely strolled the streets looking for just the right bar to go to. Most of what we saw were a bar-cafe combination type of place and that wasn't what we were looking for. Eventually we made our way to the bad side of town and found a place called the Coyote Bar. It was exactly the kind of place you would expect a coyote bar to be where they lit the bar on fire while girls danced on it and everything. It also wasn't open yet. The place opened at 10:00pm and it was only 8:00pm so we walked along the same street and eventually found a place that looked like it might be interesting, mostly because they served alcohol and had music playing from inside. The sign said it played classics, 80's and rock but we found the sign to be mostly misleading in what we interpreted it to mean. Inside I ordered a Captain and cola and as we listened to the music we began to wonder if we had stumbled into a gay bar. There were couples there and nothing inside screamed gay bar but the music left us wondering. We decided we had to hang out somewhere until 10:00pm so we stayed. As it turns out it probably wasn't a gay bar. While drinking my first drink I noticed a sign that said if you ordered four Captain and colas you would also get a free Captain Morgan belt. That made me happy. I took the sign to the bar and ordered myself four of them right there :p I now have a pretty awesome belt. Around the right time, we left to go to the Coyote Bar. It was exactly what it looked like, the kind of place where they light the bar on fire while coyote girls dance on it in cowboy hats and boots. It was a pretty good night. I eventually ate a big mac meal from McDonalds.

11-16-2009, 12:06 AM
i was at a rock concert with my boyfriend (he's got bladder problems) and then they asked us on stage cause they were making fun of his bladder problems

and then he PROPOSED ^___^

naturally i said yes because his bladder problems mean i'll soon have all of his estate

too bad the band sucked :(

I Took the Red Pill
11-16-2009, 01:06 AM
I've been studying ALL smurfING DAY for a physics midterm I have on tuesday. smurf the Biot-Savart Law. I guess this is what I get for getting irresponsibly drunk on Saturday night when I should've been studying :aimmeh:

11-16-2009, 01:11 AM
Pretty boring day for me. Played l4d with my good friend who is uni for a good couple of hours, looked for jobs, listened to music. Right now I'm a little drunk on white wine and craving chicken nuggets. Oh, and I'm on this site, whatever.

11-16-2009, 03:57 AM
I woke at 12:22 to BJ texting me a photo of the manager's dog, who apparently has been riding on the tour bus for the last few days. That tour bus actually did have a ninja on it, by the way. It was small and plastic and was in the bucket of Halloween candy a fan gave them.

Anyway, the picture was to show that the dog has his own "all access" laminate for the concerts.

My mother arrived at 12:32, at which time we watched Office Space. After it was over and while dressing myself, I decided it was time to bequeath to my mother my old retainer. I told her to put it with my baby teeth, which she said she threw away. Witch.

The two of us left my house at 2:48 to meet her friend for lunch, and at 2:49 the aforementioned friend texted us to tell us that she was (a) running late and (b) for us to start without her as she had stopped for a giant ice cream sundae and was full. She was originally supposed to meet us at 2:00. WTF.

By the time we were able to escape her clutches, most of the stores we wanted to go to were closed thanks to the smurfing Bible or something. We went to the mall where I got my scar and browsed Hot Topic. They were selling True Blood, which I was at first excited about but then I saw that it was $24 for four bottles and that is just ridiculous. It's like Powerade or something.

So I bought an Ariel blouse for $9.95 on clearance and came home and did this. And now I'm going to watch some more of Heroes season three and then try to figure out how to get that much blood out of carpet.

Thank you for asking.

Citizen Bleys
11-16-2009, 04:13 AM
Bunny's the only one who gets it.

E for effort: TUH. Needs more funny.

Krissy gets nothing because he just copied Bunny.

Everyone else can get arse cancer and wither away.

11-16-2009, 04:18 AM
Don't be all coveting my Ariel blouse, you bastard.

11-16-2009, 04:53 AM
I had a valid question!

Citizen Bleys
11-16-2009, 07:42 AM
You most certainly did not. Daven isnt' a ninja, he's a FUCKING ninja.

11-16-2009, 11:39 AM
I just did what everybody else did and listed my day. That really happened.

Meat Puppet
11-16-2009, 02:31 PM
We went to see a nig run and then we went out for tacos

11-16-2009, 03:32 PM
You most certainly did not. Daven isnt' a ninja, he's a smurfING ninja.

Well he must do something else every once-in-a-while.