Shadow Bahamut
12-01-2009, 10:45 PM
This is possibly THE best business management initiative i have ever seen. (not that i've seen much).
To all Staff,
Due to the current economic crisis facing the organisation, management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age or older on early retirement. This scheme will be known as R.A.P.E. (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the S.H.A.F.T. scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW scheme (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person maybe be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as management deems appropriate. Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants or Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by management.
Persons staying on at the organisation will receive as much S.H.I.T. (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of S.H.I.T. it gives to employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough S.H.I.T. , please bring to the attention of your supervisor. They have been trained to give you all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.
Have a good day,
A.R. Sole
(Managing Director)
To all Staff,
Due to the current economic crisis facing the organisation, management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age or older on early retirement. This scheme will be known as R.A.P.E. (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the S.H.A.F.T. scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW scheme (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person maybe be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as management deems appropriate. Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants or Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by management.
Persons staying on at the organisation will receive as much S.H.I.T. (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of S.H.I.T. it gives to employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough S.H.I.T. , please bring to the attention of your supervisor. They have been trained to give you all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.
Have a good day,
A.R. Sole
(Managing Director)