Cow jokes! Moo!

[Rantz]

Why did the cow deny the bull's sexual advances?

She wasn't in the mooooooo'd!


Post your best cow jokes here!

[Christmas]

http://www.halfthedeck.com/images/MadCow.gif

http://www.saynotocrack.com/img/cow_star_wars.jpg

http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a13/deantrippe/dtrippe70.gif


All I Need to Know About Life I Learned from a Cow

1. Wake up in a happy mooo-d.

2. Don't cry over spilled milk.

3. When chewing your cud, remember: There's no fat, no
calories, no cholesterol, and no taste!

4. The grass is green on the other side of the fence.

5. Turn the udder cheek and mooo-ve on.

6. Seize every opportunity and milk it for all its worth!

7. It's better to be seen and not herd.

8. Honor thy fodder and thy mother and all your udder
relatives.

9. Never take any bull from anybody.

10. Always let them know who's bossy.

11. Stepping on cowpies brings good luck.

12. Black and white is always an appropriate fashion
statement.

13. Don't forget to cow-nt your blessings every day.

Q: What do you call a Cow with no legs.
A: Ground Beef

Q: What do cows do for entertainment?
A: Go to moo-vies.

Q: Which job is a cow most suited for?

A: Baker. Because they're making cow pies regularly.

Q: Why did the blonde buy a brown cow?
A: To get chocolate milk.

Q: What band is a cow favorite?
A: Moo-dy Blues

Q: Why should you never-ever tell a Cow a secret?
A: Because it will just go in one ear and out the UDDER

Q: What do you call a cow that has just given birth?
A: De-Calfenated

Q: What do you call it when a cow tries to jump over a barbed-wire fence?
A: UDDER destruction!

Q: What's a cow's favorite food?
A: Bullogna

Q: What are a cows favorite subjects in school?
A: Moosic, psycowolgy, cowculus
Top!

A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow''s ear. The farmer didn't' think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket. It went in one ear and out the udder.

Q: What do you call a cow with 2 legs?

A: Lean meat

A man staggers into the emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, and a five iron wrapped around his neck. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.

"Well, it was like this" said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around I noticed that one of the cows had something white in it's rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. Thats when I made my mistake."

"What did you do?", asked the doctor.

"Well, I lifted the tail, pointed, and yelled to my wife, "Hey! This looks like yours!"

Q: What is a cow's favorite subject in school?
A: Moooooooooosic!!!!!!!

A farmer was milking a cow one day when he noticed a
fly go in the cows ear. After he was done with the milking, he saw the same fly in the milk. Then he said, "That's funny. It went in one ear and out the udder!"

Q: What is a cow's favorite holiday?
A: Moo Years Day!!

Q: What do you call a cow that can't give milk?
A: Milk dud, or an utter failure!!

Q: What do you call a cow with holes in it?
A: HOLY COW!

Q: Where do baby cows go for lunch?
A: To a calf-a tiria!

Q: What did the cow say when she saw her calf's messy room?
A: Were you raised in a barn?

Q: What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A: A milkshake!

: What kind of car does a cow drive?

A: A Cattelac!

Q: Have you heard of the dyslexic cow who attained
enlightenment?
A: It kept on repeating OOOOMMM!

Q:What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?
A: Laughing stock!
Top!

Q: What did the scientist say when he found bones on
the moon?
A: Looks like the cow didn't make it!!

Q:Why did the farmer feed his cow money?
A:He wanted rich milk.

There was a herd of cattle all standing on a hill when an earthquake struck. All of the cows fell down, but the bull remained standing. The farmer noticing this went out and asked the bull, "Why didn't you fall down like the rest of the herd. The bull replied, "We bulls wobble, but we don't fall down."

Q:What do you get from a pampered cow?
A:Spoiled milk.

Q: Do you know why the cow jumped over the moon?
A: Because the farmer had cold hands!

Q: Where is a cow's most happiest place on earth?????
A: In COWlifornia, of course!!

Knock Knock. Who's there? Interrupting cow. Interrupting cow wh Moo!

Q: What do you call cow and a poodle mixed.
A: COWPOO

Mrs Betty Patty was walking down the cow path and she noticed two bulls having a cowversation. She went over to them and said what you cowversating about? One bull said I was telling ole Bull here bout my new job. Mrs. Betty said oh no crap what do you do? Bull said I am a moooooover!!!!

Q: What do cows do online?
A: They instant moo-ssege each other!

Q: What do you get when you mix a cow and a ghost?
A: Vanishing Cream!

Q: What is a cow's favorite school activity?
A: Moo-sic!

Theres 2 cows in a field, One cow looks at the other cow and says "moo." The other cow looks back and says "I was just going to say that"

Q: Which job is a cow most suited for?
A: Baker. Because they're making cow pies regularly.

When a cow laughs does milk come out of its nose?

Q: What did the mime cow say?
A: Udderly nothing

Q: What's a cow's favorite moosical note?
A: Beef-flat !!

Q: What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?
A: Milk and quackers!
Top!

Q: Why do cows wear cow bells?
A: Because their horns don't work.

Q: How does a farmer count a herd of cows?
A: With a Cowculator

Q: What did the bored cow say when she got up in the morning?
A: "It's just an udder day"

There was a cow learning to play the piano! She was awful. One of her heifer friends had came by. Hey Bossy she said how is my playin? Bossy said you getting butter and butter!!

Q: Why doesn't Sweden import cattle?
A: They have a good Stockholm.

Q: why did the cow run frantically across the road?
A: So she wouldn't get creamed

There were these two cows, chatting over the fence between their fields. The first cow said, "I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm." The other cow replies, "Heck, I ain't worried, it don't affect us ducks."

The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a cow walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the cow's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!" "Not really," said the cow. "Your name is written inside the cover."

One farmer says to another farmer that he had to shoot one of his cows? "Was it mad?" asks the other farmer. The farmer replies "Well it wasn't very happy about it".

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Cow.
Cow, who?
Cows don't say who, cows say moo !

Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL A GRUMPY COW?
A: MOO-DY

A lady from the city and her traveling companion were riding the train through Vermont when she noticed some cows.

"What a cute bunch of cows!" she remarked.
"Not a bunch, herd", her friend replied.
"Heard of what?"
"Herd of cows."
"Of course I've heard of cows."
"No, a cow herd."
"What do I care what a cow heard. I have no secrets to keep from a cow!"

My cow refuses to give milk, and you know why, of course.
She's been grazing in the field too long,...

And now she thinks she's a horse.

Q: What are the spots on black and white cows?
A: Holstains

Q: What kind of milk comes from a forgetful cow?
A: Milk of Amnesia

Q: Why don't cows have any money?
A: Because farmers milk them dry

Q: What do you call a cow's second cousin that has been sent to the meat packing plant?
A: A first cousin, once remooooooved.

Q: What do you call a cow on Halloween?
A: Boooooovine

Q: What do you call a cow on Christmas?
A: Santa Cows

Q: What do you call a cow on St. Patrick's Day?
A: Leprecown

Q: What do you call a cow on Easter?
A: Udderly silly, you call the Easter Bunny

Q: How do you tell a cow is exceptional?
A: It's out standing in its field

[G13]

Christmas wins another thread. :mad:

[xXsarahXx]

Jesus, must make sure my other half never ever sees this thread.
Litterally every time we go somewhere and we pass a field of cows, he will tell every possible cow joke he has in his head at that time. Funny once or twice, but constantly...not good!

[Peegee]

I'm sure I can't surf SA at the office so I'll post another pic later

But cows say http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/a/a8/Spr_3r_241.png , not http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/4/40/Spr_3e_241.gif. Christ get it right you pokemon.

http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/e/ed/Spr_3r_241_s.png http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/e/ed/Spr_3r_241_s.png http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/1/1c/Spr_4d_241.png http://archives.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/c/c0/Spr_4h_241.png

[blackmage_nuke]

Alright, cow-boy, I'll see you in moo-nicipal court

[Mo-Nercy]

Famous Bash Quote (http://bash.org/?5543)

[Rad Bromance]

Famous Bash Quote (http://bash.org/?5543)
I don't get it. :confused:

[Mo-Nercy]

Famous Bash Quote (http://bash.org/?5543)
I don't get it. :confused:
I'm sure you do. Maybe you just don't find it funny :monster:

[Rad Bromance]

Famous Bash Quote (http://bash.org/?5543)
I don't get it. :confused:
I'm sure you do. Maybe you just don't find it funny :monster:
No really, I don't! :cry:

[Mo-Nercy]

moo spelled backwards isn't moo, but he thought it was.
That was really all there was to it.

Now the joke is definitely not funny

[Momiji]

This doesn't need to be a joke. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FavUpD_IjVY)

[Rantz]

So this bull named Balthasar was totally coveting this cow, Zarathustra, who was flirting with him from the neighbouring field. He wanted her so badly but there was a barbed wire fence separating them. One day his lust became too strong and he backed away from the fence, and started running towards it. He took the biggest leap of his life and landed right next to Zarathustra who's all "well hey there studmuffin". So he's all:

Hey baby, you can call me Thasar... the rest got caught in the fence

[Agent Proto]

Christmas wins another thread. :mad:

So udderly depressing, yet a'moo'sing at the same time!

[Loony BoB]

Not exactly a joke, but I find it funnier than I find most cow jokes, so...

The Two Cow System
Socialism: You have two cows. You keep one and give the other to your neighbor.
Communism: You have two cows. The Government takes both and shares the milk with you and your neighbor.
Fascism: You have two cows. You give the milk to the government and they sell it back to you.
Nazism: Government shoots you and takes both your cows.
Capitalism: You have two cows. You milk them and pour the lot down the drain to keep the price up.
Sadism: You have two cows. You shoot them both and drown yourself in the milk.
Apartheid: You have two cows. You give the black cow's milk to the white cow to drink and don't milk the white cow.
Welfare State: You have two cows. You milk them and give them the milk to drink.
Anarchism: You have two cows. The cows shoot you and milk each other.
Bureaucracy: You have two cows. You fill in 17 forms in triplicate and you don't have time to milk them.
United Nations: You have two cows. Russia vetoes the farmer from milking them. Britain and France veto the cows from milking the farmers. USA abstains.
Idealism: You have two cows. You marry and your wife milks them.
Realism: You have two cows. You get married and you still milk them.
Common Sense: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull!

More can be found here: What Would You Do With 2 Cows (http://www.goofigure.com/UserGoofigureDetail.asp?gooID=9797&) (I love the various corporation ones :D)

[Rodarian]

Christmas wins another thread. :mad:

I second that!:mad2:


What do call a drink distilled by cows...

Moooooooooooooooooon Shine.

[Laddy]

Read The Far Side for awesome cow stuff.