Exit strategy

[Citizen Bleys]

Imagine, if you will, that you have just won the lottery/sold some drugs/inherited millions in Nazi gold and you never have to work another day in your life. How would you quit your job?

There is an actual chocolate factory I pass every day on the way to work. I would go in, commission a 10 pound bag of chocolate dicks, and go into work as usual. I'd then go up to my boss, put the bag on his desk, and say "I have millions of dollars now. Eat a bag of dicks."

Said bag could also be great fun in a retirement home or nunnery.

[Shlup]

Well I don't know why you even bothered to make this thread because no one is going to top that. :mymelbert:

[Citizen Bleys]

You never know, I've had a couple of pleasant surprises in the political suicide thread.

[Jiro]

In this hypothetical job I have there is a lot of space so I would go into work early and clear out a huge area of floor space. I would then superglue notes to the floor that spell out "FUCK YOU I QUIT D Barker" and then put a tiny camera in the corner and tape as they all try to steal the money.

[Hollycat]

I'd rent a ferrari, drive through one of the big windows, drive around breaking things, stop in front of my manager, throw out a wad of cash, say "this ought to cover it." Then I would slip on some shades and drive out another window as the music from CSI miami screams out behind me.

[Citizen Bleys]

@HC: Dude, you work in fast food, you could use Political Suicide Strategy #4* to devastating effect.

*That one's "end every declarative sentence with 'because of the Jews'"

Imagine rush hour, bellowing "We're holding on nuggets because of the Jews!" or "Your total will be 7.38 because of the Jews!"

Then you could use Strategy #7 at the trial.

[Rantz]

Let's see here. I would buy a helicopter (not like I wasn't gonna buy one anyway), don a protective suit and a megaphone, have my pilot take me to just outside my office building, where I would shout at them through the megaphone to come out, listing the names of my least favourite coworkers mingled with various expletives. When they are outside or at least are staring out through open windows, I would call in the second helicopter (okay, this one may be somewhat wasteful) to come hang over my own. My ally up above would proceed to empty sackfuls of cow dung right into the propeller of my helicopter. If all goes to plan (I will be refining the plan to make it physically viable), my bosses and coworkers would be sprayed with the waste, and I would cry into my megaphone:

THE SHIT HAS HIT THE FAN! HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! I QUIT!! SORRY RYAN, DIDN'T MEAN TO GET YOU ALL MESSY, WAS HOPING YOU WOULDN'T COME OUT - COME OVER FOR DRINKS IN MY NEW MANSION?! ALSO BOSS: I PISSED ON YOUR CAR! FUCK YOU!!!

I would then shower them with dollar bills and pamphlets on everything I hate about them before moving out.

[escobert]

I'd go in a and tell them and rub it in all their faces then say f this place and go home

[NeoCracker]

I'd wait for them to put Baloo, the resident black guy, on front counter, walk out from the back and angrily yell, "FUcking Niggers!" at him as I storm out, only to get a hold of him later that day to see if he was amused. :p

[Citizen Bleys]

I'd wait for them to put Baloo, the resident black guy, on front counter, walk out from the back and angrily yell, "FUcking Niggers!" at him as I storm out, only to get a hold of him later that day to see if he was amused. :p

And then you could use Political Suicide Strategy #7 at the trial!

[The Captain]

First off, I very much enjoy your initial idea. Even moreso if it came from Louie CK's routine about said "Bag of Dicks".

As for me, if I HAD to quit either of my jobs, both in TV, I'd wait until we were on the air then walk in front of a camera, tell people to turn off their TV's and go outside. Or pull a "Network" and rant non-stop until someone pulled me off.

That would be a lot of fun.


Take care all.

[sharkythesharkdogg]

I work for myself, so I'd just get to pick and choose whose car I worked on.

Goodbye Chevy Venture minivans with a goddamn v6 shoved sideways, under the firewall, in an engine bay designed for a 4 cylinder.

Hello Lotus Elise with a goddamn 4 cylinder shoved sideways behind the driver, equally unreachable. At least it's a better vehicle.

I wouldn't be working on too many cars anyway. If I won the lotto or something like that I'd spend a large portion of my free time bombing job interviews and recording them with tiny cameras hidden on my person.

I might even try to get hired, and then see how long it would take to get fired.

[Loony BoB]

I like the people I work with, so it would be pretty boring. :(

[Peegee]

Me too. @Bleyz you should get out of the call center and get a job with the servers or something rewarding

I would probably throw a huge party then disappear.

[Citizen Bleys]

I like the people I work with, so it would be pretty boring. :(

I like the people I work with, too. My boss would asphyxiate from laughter.

[Old Manus]

Quit my job!? I'd buy the company and make further untold millions.

[Iceglow]

I wouldn't quit. I'd keep my job but I'd be as irritating as a man who cannot be threatened can be. I'd piss off my co-workers royally, especially those who dislike me by doing all kinds of shit such as when they're complaining about being broke I'd offer to loan them the cash. If I got in trouble with my boss I wouldn't care I'd just be like "really? really? honestly?" and see how long it takes to get fired. In the mean time the money would be awesome just to go out partying constantly on and if I wanted to blow off work and pull a sickie or two it wouldn't matter (I quite like my job to a degree, it's not the end of the world) I would probably last around 3 months before I got the final booting. It'd be funny to contest every disciplinary too so I keep the job longer thus pissing them off more.

I would buy a nice flat too sod having a massive house in London it's all about getting in to a nice new development in the penthouse apartments and just rub it in that I have this awesome place and a very fast, very sexy motorcycle to park outside the building. If anyone ever was just like "fuck off Steve you're a prick!" I could just be like "ah but I can afford to act like a prick, you on the other hand are writing cheques your body and your wallet couldn't cash if you put the two together."

I have once quit a job literally with a resignation letter which contained numerous quotes from the song So Long And Thanks For All The Fish. I then locked the box containing the till keys (which was essential to open new checkouts if it got busy) with my padlock and put my padlock key inside the box first with a note saying "congratulations you just found the key to the padlock on the box" (they weren't allowed to bust the lock open on shopfloor) and told a manager he was a wanker and that sending me home would be a good thing for me and that I knew he couldn't dock my pay since my final pay packet was already sent out.

[Carl the Llama]

Ok so I started at the quitting of my job, then went a little bit further:

This is the real life
This is no fantasy
I won the lotto
I will escape this reality
Open you eyes
Look up at my Sovereign Riiing
I am a rich man,
I need no job hehe
Because I am easy come easy go,
I am rich, don't you know
Look up at my Sovereign Ring
Sovereign riiing

Lady, I just quit my job
I am going to go now
Drive my big car somewhere else
Goodbye crappy Job,
I am riiich,
Gunna leave you all behind
to buy a yacht!

Ladyyyy oooo
I am leaving now
And I wont be back
again this time tomorrow
HAHAAAA stupid bitch
You do not even matter to me

Right now, my time has come,
Gunna eat some caviare,
Then go hit all the bar's
Goodbye everybody,
I am going,
Gunna leave you all behind
To buy a Yacht

Ladyyy ooooo
I sometimes wish I'd never seen you at all

I see a big silhouetto of a house
Scaramouch Scaramouch,
will you buy that house now
You have got that damn right I am going to buy that house!
(Galileo) Galileo (Galileo) Galileo, Galileo figaro
Magnifico I'm just a rich man, everybody loves me
He's just a rich man from a rich family,
Sell him his this house, you will get money!

Easy come, easy go, will you let it go
Bismillah! No, we will not let it go
(Let it go!) Bismillah! No, we will not let it go
(Let it go!) Bismillah! No, we will not let it go
(Let it go) Will not let it go
(Let it go) Will not let it go (Let it go) Ah
No, no, no, no, no, no, no

Oh nice house owner nice house sell me it
Nice house Owner I have a big pot of cash
For youuu For You FOR YOUUUUUU

So I bought this loverly house
I will throw a massive partyyyy
Ohhhh Partyy, stomping wild party
With Jack Daniels, and some big crates of Beer!

I need an Alca Seltzer, bring one to me
Bring me Alca Seltzer, oh bring me Alca Seltzer
pleeeeease.

[demondude]

/thread.

[Iceglow]

KD just won this thread by a billion light years and he wasn't even trying.

[NorthernChaosGod]

Holy shit, that was fucking epic.

[Carl the Llama]

lol you would NOT believe how god damned long it took me to write that.

[fire_of_avalon]

Well I was going to post about making it rain work money at our Service Desk while blaring this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JU9TouRnO84) over our PA system, but clearly that won't be cool anymore.

EDIT: Link is most definitely NSFW.

[Jiro]

I would probably throw a huge party then disappear.

fuck you bilbo

[Psychotic]

Write a really respectful letter, hand it personally to my boss, shake their hand, and walk out smiling.

Oh. Right. Uh. Wear monkey pants!!!! Or possibly Hitler. (yes, his skin)

[NorthernChaosGod]

I'd like to see Paul in a Hitler skin suit.

[demondude]

I'd change the signs from saying 'Coffee' to 'Hoffee' and I'd arrive in the car from Knightrider with David's version of 'jump in my car' blaring from the speakers. I'd summon fifty Hoffettes and we'd get filthy. Then I'd stick my dick in some coffee.

[Del Murder]

I'd buy the place then fire everyone.

[Goldenboko]

Right now I work for my dad so it'd be pretty much. "Hey dad. WE'RE RICH." Done.

[Cuchulainn]

Fucking Commies

[Bastian]

Maybe I'm just old and respectful and always try to put myself in other people's shoes, but... I wouldn't do anything too dramatic. And I probably wouldn't quit automatically. But it would allow me to be honest with my two supervisors and I'd try to explain to them why it is that that everyone hates working for them but pretends to like them, but in a super nice way, hoping it would actually affect a good change in them. I'd explain these points as well to their boss' boss (whom I'm pretty friendly with).