View Full Version : EoFF: Dwarf Fortress - Spoonproblems. Also, goblin problems.

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Loony BoB
08-02-2011, 10:06 AM
Iceglow further establishes his maturity levels by naming his left hand "your mother". :(

08-02-2011, 05:07 PM
Look guys Steve is a very handsome man and he does not need to masturbate so stop the "left hand" jokes. He has girls queueing around Oxford Circus, just begging for the chance for Steve to lick their knees. You just need to grow up and stop being jealous quite frankly. He's a beautiful human being and he just doesn't need to take this kind of abuse.

Loony BoB
08-02-2011, 05:20 PM
Well, I would apologise, but I hardly need to when he has all those women to make him feel better.

08-02-2011, 07:32 PM
Ok autumn post coming soon, just gotta write it up, very few stonesense shots as the season passed before I even really thought about it. Still plenty (read 20) of shots from DF itself.

BoB you should be ashamed of yourself, an apology never hurt no one. Though with all these women around here you're right I don't need you to make me feel better.

08-02-2011, 09:08 PM
Did somebody yell Freeze? How Autumn 256 went down.

I tried before my commencement of the season to be clever, to plot every little job down so it would run smoother than me going "hmm what next" cut down the micro-managing and instead increase the managing. Lets see how that went down.

Well First up lets deal with something sad. I unfortunately had to order Pike and Lonny BoB to dig 2 extra rooms this morning after Melissaur died of thirst (she was insane and suffering from melancholy so refused alcohol and water) Melissaur was found naked at the middle of the hall with her pets pecking at her. It was not a pleasant sight, apparently she had covered herself entirely in chicken feathers (where the hell she got these from is a mystery, we don't have any chickens!)



As you can see, I had kinda predicted she wasn't going to make it I was merely praying she wouldn't get berserk before she died. The rooms above, are actually burial chambers being dug. So yeah Melissaur is dead (my first death in the fortress and DK said I'd kill you all! HA!) I don't know what we ought to do? Bring her back in later on maybe?

Not 2 days after Melissaur died, the game threw another spanner in the works Unbreakable Will got posessed too! Damn you spirits leave my bloody people alone!


Will I had some hope for, he was a good kid I mean he could survive this he'd find something of use in Spoonproblems now right? For about a week, NOTHING happened. Will merely sat in the corner mumbling about juju muju and crap like that, frankly he began to weird most of us out a little, we considered even feeding him to the carp in the river. Then he suddenly sat bolt upright and dashed through the tunnels faster than I could manage to follow eventually stopping at a clothiers workshop. "MINE!" he declared before hissing like the cat he'd eaten earlier in the week and then sitting down. I was startled by the sudden and extreme reaction but hey, you know it seemed ok he might survive this.



Yeah, you know this wouldn't be DF or Spoonproblems if Will suddenly didn't demand something outrageous for his work. We didn't have it nor did I have the means to generate it and so on the 3rd of Timber I had another visit from Dr Quin Medicine Idiot. Will had become insane and struck down with melancholy. It was now just a waiting game before he too would die. Though at the end of the season he was still there clinging on to life and giving us all stares of utter disappointment. Well what can we say Will, you had a great idea, one inspired by the spirits themselves but what the hell did you want to make something we have no means of getting together for? What's worse is it'd probably suck or we'd pawn it off to the homestead traders when they showed up.


Migrants = Census time!

Psychotic - Lover of Dr Quin,
Iceglow - Married to I'm My Own Milf.
DK - Lover of Red Pill.
Genius Lynx - Married to Angelwings8
Smitten Kitten - Lover of Champagne Supernova, Grudge against Devilman
Red Pill - Lover of DK
Angelwings8 - Married to Genius Lynx.
Lonny BoB
I'm My Own Milf - Married to Iceglow
Melissaur - Deceased
Raistlin - Married to Shlupquack, Father of Devilman
Demon Dude
Dr Quin, Medical Dwarf - Lover of Psychotic.
Unbreakable Will - Struck by melancholy
Rebellious Eagle
Dignified Pauper
Marshall Banana
Fire Of Avalon
Zeldy - Married to Laddy
Wolf Kanno
Old Manus
Laddy - Married to Zeldy
Champagne Supernova - Lover of Smitten Kitten
Rye - Married to Yeargdribble
Yeargdribble - Married to Rye
Eternal Essence
Miss Lulu
Guardian XIII
Shlupquack - Married to Raistlin
Devilman - Son of Raistlin and Shlupquack, grudge against Smitten Kitten
Ashley Riot
The undead hero
NorthernChaosGod - Son of Iceglow and I'm My Own MILF

54 little Dwarves out here, Spoonproblems needs to get organized quickly and I'm not so sure I have enough time left in my term to do so! However we'll be 53 when Will eventually pops it. Best look out this many Dwarves could get us noticed by a Goblin army.

According to Raistlin who got all super happy when he saw our new wave of migrants, most of these dudes were some semi-mythical people from the homestead. From the look of sheer revulsion of Psychotic's face and the appearance of our newest members I'm frankly glad I came from London!

So yeah that was most of the dramas apart from when the merchants appeared Psychotic immediately declared his love of all things pottery as the stoneware goods we'd made were far more valuble than that useless crap Dignified Pauper turns out! In fact 2 bins worth of a random mix of both Pottery which had been active for all of a few months and DP's crap brought EVERYTHING the merchants from the homestead had. This meant we had a lot of animals. A lot of lot of animals:


43 "Other Animals" in fact! I'm hopefully going to set up a Kennels and perhaps get some more chains/restraints made. BoB do us a favour, when you take over chain wardogs at the entrance way on the statues leading to the bridge, also at various points around the map as the numbers of dogs grow. Wardogs there will prevent us being ambushed or getting Goblin Thieves inside the defenses.

Now on to the final part of Autumn's update, building plans:

Well we managed to finish the work on the following:

Eastern Expansion
Farm Plots (at least the chambers are dug, won't take a week to plant them)
New forge expansion (smelter and wood furnace are being glitchy as fuck and won't actually build until the builders have used the stone under the locations. I have already tried dumping them in a garbage zone it didn't work)
Entrance Guard Tower Ground level (winter will see at least the second level floor go in to seal the room from the elements)
Burial Chambers

Heres some screens of the new rooms and expansions:

Burial Chambers

Eastern Expansion

Entrance tower

Four Fields ready to go

New forge chambers (possibly use one for jewellers shop if I don't use a chamber near the glassworks.

Western Expansion, this is almost complete but now our numbers and our wealth seem like they're on the verge of giving us our first ambush (in fact in the crashed version of the game which never happened I know we got an ambush right at the end of the year!)

Next up:

Winter has come

08-02-2011, 09:10 PM
Did my guineacocks arrive? This is very important.

08-02-2011, 10:14 PM
Yes the damn guineacocks arrived.

You love cocks don't you Paul admit it now and go out with Justy.

08-02-2011, 10:21 PM
Well done for not only getting the joke I was making, but then attempting to borrow another one of mine made in GC a couple of days ago. Dan was wrong about you - you're improving all the time. We'll have you using punctuation correctly soon! Eee! :jess:

PS: Maybe we can go on a double date with you and Mr. Hankey.

08-08-2011, 07:28 PM

Anywho, to revive this flagging thread, let's have some more discussion! https://docs.google.com/document/pub?id=1u8jibE1TV7BAwAI2b4TzRkWFlBboLiXMrVBhYmDYPhI&pli=1 Next version of DF Notes. Look at them. I am drooling. Adventure mode is going to be a monstrosity.




08-08-2011, 07:34 PM
How about to revive the thread we just get Loony BoB to carry on from the first save, we will have had 4 more years by the time Steve bothers to finish his go.

08-09-2011, 09:41 AM
lol I'm sorry just got winter to go, meant to do it sunday/last night but frankly it's been rather disturbing here these last few nights. I'll get it done tonight.

08-13-2011, 11:46 PM
Bit of an update guys as to whats gone on.

First of all we ended up with the riots nearby etc which kinda put me out of playing DF. Just after that and working several hard crappy shifts I went to play only to find my laptop power supply unit had failed completely, thankfully it's external which means it's easily replaced. I'm hoping it'll arrive by around Weds latest. Once that gets here I can finally finish my god damn turn.

Again my apologies for taking so long.

champagne supernova
08-15-2011, 03:11 PM
How about to revive the thread we just get Loony BoB to carry on from the first save, we will have had 4 more years by the time Steve bothers to finish his go.

I've gone into and woken from hibernation and the year is still not done :(

08-15-2011, 07:36 PM
As soon as the damn parts for my damn laptop arrive it'll be done now chill :p

08-23-2011, 09:04 PM

08-24-2011, 06:24 PM
This winter will be the longest.

08-27-2011, 12:18 AM
Someone poke me on msn on sunday/monday. Sorry guys, parts arrived with me in Nottingham on a business trip. Since then my life has been chaos, for those who have me on facebook might have a little idea of what has gone on but lets say, this week has involved me lodging complaints about one housemate and having another arrested by the police.

Madame Adequate
08-27-2011, 04:02 AM
Whilst Steve is a lazy bellend who can't be arsed to play DF, I can confirm that he has genuinely got some serious shit going on right now.

Serious shit which is no excuse lamb, get on with it.

08-27-2011, 10:15 PM
Both my thanks and a fuck you Huxtables.

Loony BoB
08-28-2011, 11:35 AM
I have sent him his reminder. Everyone else should do the same, just in case. His MSN is iceglowelf@hotmail.co.uk.

08-28-2011, 01:33 PM
Ok Ok, it'll be done by tonight :P

08-29-2011, 08:15 AM
Evidently it won't. :colbert:

08-29-2011, 10:29 AM
Evidently I spent most of my afternoon in discussions with my landlord about having that lying drugs using ass-shat from upstairs evicted.

08-29-2011, 12:56 PM

08-29-2011, 12:59 PM
And it only took seventeen years of Summer.

08-29-2011, 02:30 PM
Winter, 256 The fortress of Spoonproblems stands proud!

Of worries, plans and babies.

Winter 256, bloody hell it is cold here in Spoonproblems, it's gotten better though! The new tower encasing the entrance still needs it's second floor and roof completed but for now it's cutting most of the snow drifts off from building up at the bottom of the ramp. Our northern and Eastern expansions are now complete. Only the western expansion remains. Part of me really wants to do the tower to make it warmer here but we need space to expand more. Where else am I going to find room for the outside plantations, the animal pens and workshops, we need a butchers and a fishery and they are both best made outside with lots of open air to prevent miasma from building up. With that and the fact that I've been slightly uneasy since we saw the goblin snatcher off a few months ago. He'll be back I feel it and he won't be alone, seems the King was wrong when he sent these insane dwarves off here to the back end of nowhere to build a new fortress. It was not a land free of Goblins at all, still maybe here we can rebuild our strength, maybe here dwarf kind can be proud and free. I've ordered all work on reinforced walls and the tower to cease, instead my sole focus this winter is that western expansions walls it must be made complete! I also ordered the animals brought in from the autumn pasture, the small pastures provided by Psychotic initially will never do now, I've ordered their removal completely and instead given all of the northern expansion at present over to the animals. It won't do for a permanent solution but for now it'll be ok, maybe someone will make an independent expansion linked by tunnel to the fortress and protected by walls where we can go for animals and farming.


Whilst we were busily stockpiling wood and building walls or moving animals in to the fortress a suspiciously bulging Rye organised a party. Soon after enjoying Rye's hospitality, our friends from the homeland departed. I wasn't about to let Psychotic order more guineacocks for us so instead I took control of that discussion directly. Whilst I did order some new animals to help with the species we have had little to no luck with over the past two years. I mostly ordered us some metal bars, strong steel being our priority. After wishing our southern brothers a farewell as they returned to warmer climates I was left with a fortress full of dwarves who were relying on me to see them all alive through the winter.


23rd Moonstone, BLAST! Just what we need, as if Will being all melancholic and refusing food and drink isn't enough Rubah goes and gets herself taken by a Fey Mood, her ramblings mean nothing and her actions are few. I don't need a third death on my hands here, Will won't last long and Rubah is going to go the same way it seems.


9th Opal, Will finally died pretty much in the same location Melissaur died in before. I'm thinking of calling it "dead person corner" we laid him to rest in a tomb next to Melissaur, hopefully he can find peace in the next life.


25th Opal, GREAT NEWS! Rye seems my suspicions about Rye were right, she's just given birth to a healthy baby boy! Yeargdribble is constantly going on about his wife now, I'm starting to eye up Lonny BoB's pick with a malicious thought already. JerganRX is born and welcomed to the community.



26th Opal this one was a surprise, Psychotic was sure Laddy was seen eyeing up DK doing his squats but no it's true Zeldy has given birth to a baby girl! Only a day after Rye gave birth the fortress is starting to feel like a real community, I will have to get a teacher soon at this rate. She's called her daughter Citizen Bleys, and I hope Citizen Bleys grows up to be a very productive and happy person.



27th Opal, no sooner had it been built Rubah commandeered the new Jewelers workshop opposite the glass works. I've seen this before with Will but I have some hope that she will survive this!


3rd of Obsidian, Ok so seems that was quick, Rubah managed to find everything she needed right away and so we now have our first survivor of a mood! Awesome :D This bears partying about. Rubah made a perfect gem and thus became a gem setter too so she's now officially made it on the Spoonproblems list of useful dwarves.



13th Obsidian, Devilman has finally grown up enough that he can start doing some work, I am considering where he will be suited best I am thinking he might become a wood burner to feed our kilns and forges.

And so we come towards the end of my year in control, here's some improvements I made aside from the cistern (complete with water management and a well), the expansions to the territories, the forges and production chambers, the tower over the entrance and all the other things:

First up I expanded on agriculture, the reason was simple we need more food for more dwarves and the farms weren't keeping up (not to mention our brewers were brewing way too much I've temporarily suspended the stills production, don't forget to keep an eye on the drinks available via the status screen and re-enable the stills after it drops below 300)


Now what I'd suggest here for the next person in charge is build some Nest Boxes and place them along that top wall and also in the pastures, that way our huge supply of birds can provide us with eggs giving us another food supply.

Second up, with our massive expansion to agriculture we needed better facilities to deal with the food production, hence I moved the two stills (actually they're still there but set for removal) and built 2 kitchens and 2 farmers workshops, the butchers shop and the fisheries ideally need to be outside to prevent miasma.


As you can also see in there I've added some new food stockpiles, these are segregated by type, I think they may be big enough (except there might be drinks overflow) for now, obviously we need more but for now, this should help Psychotic manage our inventory perfectly.


Thirdly, as mentioned earlier, I built a couple more workshops over by the glass works, these are a jewelers and also the initial layout for a loom but it's not finished at this time.


This should hopefully help see the new leader through for a while.


Ok so guess my turn wasn't quite over, we got an Ambush, 6 Goblins total, 5 archers and a lasher. Thankfully my earlier paranoia meant that most of the fortress was secure and most of the dwarves too. In fact the only dwarf outside was....



Will anyone save JerganRX's Dad? I ordered DK to the main gate, hopefully if Yeargy ran fast enough he'd make it but he's a portly dwarf and well....maybe telling the goblins about his wife wasn't such a good thing, they kinda shot him full of arrows and then stood around teabagging the corpse. It wasn't as amusing as it sounds, one of those goblins had no pants on and her leathery beef curtains was touching him. I for one am not burying that body. Thankfully someone yanked the lever in the hall and the drawbridge sealed shut.


So we're sealed in with 6 goblins running around outside, I just hope Lonny BoB isn't stupid enough to open the damn gates, our military might is currently very understrength and not even fully armoured (we need to work on this, production is there just needs orders) Yeargdribble is dead and everyone else is safe. Apart from Rye who for some reason has a smashed open and broken first finger on her right hand. I spoke to Dr Quin and I have been informed that the diagnosis was too much masturbation but then Dr Quin is a medicine idiot.


And so without further ado:


Fortress update:


08-29-2011, 02:36 PM
File found https://rapidshare.com/files/1743277241/Eyesonia.rar (HERE)

08-29-2011, 02:55 PM
I think that was probably a more productive outcome for our second season. I'm glad I'm creating so many wonderful masterpieces!

Loony BoB
08-30-2011, 09:02 PM
Ah, bollocks. The middle of a warzone. Just what I needed! =|

I have no idea how I'm going to sort this one out, but I'm sure I'll come up with something. Probably involving waiting for a caravan to arrive, watching the caravan's warriors beat up goblins and potentially getting beaten up by goblins.

PS. If you listened to me about cage traps, this wouldn't be nearly as problematic...

EDIT: I plan on doing my turn this weekend.

08-30-2011, 10:00 PM
The fortress can definitely survive this ambush by waiting it out, I made sure of that, you've plenty of food growing sources and preparation areas. The military isn't tough enough at the moment, it's the one thing I didn't get a chance to do properly.

Traps are a development the fortress needs, just don't bother building cages, from the animals we brought we have tons.

Loony BoB
09-03-2011, 10:42 AM
Lonny Bob has evolved into Loony BoB!

So apparently I'm the new director in this movie. smurf me, why? This is stupid. Fine. Whatever. I'll do it. Why? Because the people who have done it before me were bleeding useless. So... okay. Right. Where am I again? God dammit. Where is everything? Why are all these rocks on the ground? Okay, okay. That's probably my doing. But why has nobody moved them? I need to find out how many people are idle. Who's the boss? He'll know. Oh, wait.

Okay, I know where I am. I'm in the 0 star hotel that Psy built. This places is so bloody rubbish. Mental note: Improve bedrooms. "But there will be lots of dwarves, we'll need lots of rooms, we can't spend all our time mining them out and setting them up!" cries some bastard with a massive awesome room. Okay. Maybe there will be a lot of dwarves. Maybe they will come. Or maybe they'll hear about the 0 star hotel you have and how tiny the rooms are and maybe they'd rather DIE. :(

Let's see. The hotel floor connects to a hallway that leads to the dining room. Okay. And that must be the barracks to the East, along with the bastard's bedroom. South towards the smelters and metalsmith forge. Okay. North towards stairs. That lead to a rubbish cemetary. What else... dining room has levers. South of Dining Room leads to some bedrooms which are superior in every way to the hotel but seem to be set up for a hospital. Oh, it's a hospital. Right. North of the dining room is a grave for the bastard.

Who the hell designed this place? Don't answer that. We all know.

Going all the way back towards the cemetary, it seems above that is a storage room and some workshops for clothing, glass and bling. Right. Above the hospital is the food storage and the chief medical officer's office/dining room. Okay. Two stills in the food storage area. Both slated for removal. Why? I'm not sure. Ohhhh, that's why. Someone's set up an improved kitchen/farmershop/still area to the right. Nice.

Next level up, farms. And a kiln and an almost-kiln. Next level up, cistern to the east. Next level up, sunlight. Pasture. Carpenter's workshops!? In the rain!? Oh man. Mason's workshops, too. And goblins. Let's forget about them for a moment. Or not. What's our military like? Six guys, not including the best swordsman we have in our group, Bolivar. He's too busy "making clothes" (ie, being assigned to make clothes but not really making clothes).

Here's what I'm going to try to do.

Operation: PANIC ROOM
Set up a room where all civilians will run to when an enemy is sighted. Actually, I've already set up this room, and it's the dining room. Eventually I'll look into a more effective room that is a bit more 'purpose built'.

Operation: Dwarves Hate Working In the Sun And/Or Rain
Move the workshops and storage underground to avoid sun, rain and enemies.

Operatoin: Dwarves Should Learn to Like the Sun Anyway
As much as I hate the sun, I can understand that regular access to it can help, so the target is to set up a statue garden which is COMPLETELY walled off, no doors, nothing. Just a stairway to sweet, sweet underground. That way we hopefully won't have problems with dwarves getting molesight.

Operation: I Hate Goblins, But I Hate Death Even More
Capture or kill all goblins without suffering any damage.

Operation: Cage Traps, Cage Traps, Cage Traps and also Cage Traps
Set up improved defence systems.

Operation: The Great Indoors
Find a cavern. Cut off all access to cavern completely. Watch trees grow underground so we don't have to go above ground to cut down trees anymore, either.

Operation: Operation
Tables directly next to the beds in the hospital.

Operation: Catsplosion
We need to explode cats. I can only assume that this is what Catsplosion means. Catsplosion will lead to an excellent way to eventually explore a cavern without the loss of life... dwarf life, anyway.

Operation: Stones are Only Useful In Certain Places
Time to move the stone to certain places where it will be useful. I just checked: 16 idlers at present. That is more than enough.

Operation: Soldier On
Analyse the military schedules, equipment, training etc. and react accordingly.

Operation: Make Use
Look into a more effective job setup. Key point: More miners needed for all this work. There are only two at present.

There are also considerations for a complete overhaul of the layout in some areas so that dwarves don't have to spent their time walking around so much. But that would take some time and I'm not sure I could manage it in just one year.

EDIT: By the way, our soldiers have never trained. The schedule for our only squad is set so that they wait for 10 soldiers to be present in the barracks before they begin training. We have six soldiers...

Loony BoB
09-03-2011, 06:08 PM
I decided my first priority was the goblins. But that would require a few things to be sorted out. So I decided my first priority was the military. And the panic room. I ordered a team meeting and explained that from now on, the dining room would be the room where you go when there are 'problems'. At which point it would become the panic room. Everyone seemed to get the idea, which was good. I then notified the military that they should probably train, and they advised me they didn't have ten members yet. Under the advice of DK, I enlisted the only remaining expendable people who had any kind of military training whatsoever. Azar, who was good with an axe, was first in. After that, Devore and Miss_Lulu were all we could think of. I'd already enlisted Bolivar, he was pretty damned good with a sword. So that made ten. I told them to train with a minimum of six people. They'd have to sleep in their own rooms for now, but eventually the barracks would contain beds. I made a quick note to knock a bloody big hole into the wall of the barracks to ensure this went ahead.
Those goblins were still hanging around, so I devised a plan. Our military simply were underequipped and would not handle a direct assault against the goblin's bowmen without taking casualties, so we decided to outwit the enemy instead. We dug a tunnel to just outside the wall, and filled it with cage traps - six deep, considering there were six goblins. Two wide, just in case... as my Dad always told me when I was a kid, where there are goblins, there are probably more goblins. I stationed DK and his crew immediately outside, and the trap was set. Now all we needed was someone to dig up to the ground, showing the goblins a nice convenient way into our fort... naturally, nobody volunteered. I'd have to do this one myself. I carefully chipped away until I saw the hiddeous light. As soon as that happened, I blasted my pickaxe through the ground and ran for my smurfing life. I knew they wouldn't be far behind. They weren't.
I had barely run past DK when the goblins thrust through the underground doors and then the sweet sound of success hit my ears. The sound of a cage trap. And another, and another, and three more.
Flawless victory.

We've left them in their cages for now until we someday get some kind of arena set up for them to fight bears or something. I dunno. Chuffed with my first plan working exactly as intended, I headed back to the dining room and told everyone it was safe, and that they could carry on as they did before. Devil Man looked at me oddly, quickly pulled the lever and then took off past me like lightning had struck him. He's in a strange mood, I thought to myself. ...Oh, no...
Maybe he'll be okay. He ran off and got this and that and...
Yeah, good luck with that one, buddy. Better hope the next caravan has something like that, because our stocks sure as hell don't. I'm really hoping we have a nice, safe cavern eventually because otherwise any further silk demands will be met purely by trade, and I do hate relying on others... especially with that weird Psychotic in charge of goods.

"Hello?" I turned around. "Are you... Lonny Bob?" Some weird guy and 19 of his friends were looking at me as if I was their long lost grandaddy or something.
"It's Loony BoB. Who the hell are you?"
"Well, you see, I'm the leader of this here bunch - my name is Unbreakable Will."
"No, I'm pretty sure Unbreakable Will is dead. He got into this weird mood and..."
"-- No, I really am Unbreakable Will. You're referring to Breakable Will, my brother, who often calls himself Unbreakable Will because he wishes he had an unbreakable will. Wait, he's dead? Ah, bugger, the guy owed me an artifact."
"Huh. He died after his will broke because he was trying to make one. Go figure."
"Yes, uh, anyway. Any chance of us moving in? Thanks!"
With that, Unbreakable Will headed past and I was left with 19 doe-eyed dwarfs one by one introducing themselves.

It turns out Unbreakable Will is a bit of a novice leader - and sadly, that's about all he is. Really, he's not even skilled in mining. And everyone can mine, right!? Wrong. No miners. I hate this place sometimes. Well, if I can't get a miner given to me, I'll make one. Shiny's my new recruit. She usually deals with gemsetting but sod that, she's a miner now. We still needed another brewer to work the stills recently, too, so when I spoke to a guy standing still at the back named kelseystill I found out that he works a still. I told him to go to a still, but he's still there. But still, at least that's another still worker. A guy instroduced himself as TrollHunter but he's not a Hunter, so I just enlisted him into the army instead. He can hunt goblins. TrollHunter will use an axe, while Del Murder will use a war hammer. That means Lulu and Devore don't need to worry anymore about their lack of skills with a weapon. Excellent.

Next up was Unne, who it turns out is a high master diagnostician. We have a competent diagnostician in Quin, but he's an idiot, so Dr Unne is now chief medical officer, allowing Quin to do focus more on developing his surgery, setting and suturing - three things Unne isn't so hot at. The guy dresses wounds like a pro, though. Kentarou is his protege, but only in the diagnostics area. Our hospital now has two full time staff and Kentarou says he likes to do something called 'pressing' in his spare time. Pressing? Pressing what? We don't even have buttons.

The guy who followed the medicine fellas was called Peegee. He liked to do things with bees, and I didn't want to know any more. I put him on engraving duty. The guy weirds me out. His friend, Baloki, also liked creatures - he insisted he train our animals. I thought we could do with an animal trainer that wasn't hero, who had his hands full with other things. Baloki had this massive gleam in his eye when I said he can work with the cats and dogs. It creeped me out to no end. I'm not sure I made the right decision. NeoCracker agreed, he said he'd have been better, but when I put a dog in front of him he insisted that he could only work with cats so I told him he can have odd jobs in the kitchen, gemsetting shop and the soapmaking workshop which doesn't exist.

The next chap, Rocket Edge, was a sure winner. The guy is a stonecrafter and a furnace operater, two things we can always do with. He was followed by Yeargdribble II, who reminded me of someone I once knew. I seemed to remember some guy staggering around outside, so naturally I sent Yeargdribble II out to gather plants. He said he thinks he saw the guy who I was referring to, and I tell ya, ever since he seems to gather those plants like he'll be dead tomorrow. Odd fella, but I'm not complaining about his efficiency.

Who else was there? Samuraid, a mechanic who could craft rocks. JKTrix, who liked to report the news of his masonry work by doing a spot of engraving in his spare time. o_O, who carried a sack of seeds and went straight to the farms. A spinning girl named Christmas, a guy named Rostum who did nothing important (he's a miner now!), and a brilliant chap named BG-57, who had some proper good skill with stonecrafting, is now easily our most skilled weaponsmith and isn't bad in a kitchen, either. Not as good as Miriel, though, who adores her food. And Melissaur II, who gets a freaky thrill out of setting fire to things, so off to the wood furnace with her.

With all that out of the way, it's been, what, a day or two? Bloody hell. I'm in for a tricky job, I reckon.

Remember Devil Man?
He's basically already dead.

Oh, bollocks.

Okay, goblins. Again. Seriously, it's not even a new freakin' season yet. :( This is not good, they've been spotted on our doorstep. I scream an order downstairs and look horrified as Laddy runs straight across the bridge - as it drops. He falls. It's quite the fall. But he's alive! I rush down and smash through the lower wall, grab him, rush back in and order a wall built to fill in the gap. I leave Laddy to the docs, run upstairs to see what the goblins are doing. They're...
Oh, bollocks.
That X? That's theundeadhero. Perhaps not undead for very long. I order the lever pulled again, the military are up now. I quickly dismiss TrollHunter and Del Murder as they don't have enough equipment to handle a battle just yet (not sure if the others really do either, but we have to try!).
By the time the drawbridge is down, he's already dead. I hate goblin crossbowmen. The lever is pulled again. We'll have to do the same thing as last time. =| Mental note: Put traps outside until we have full iron armor and weaponary on every soldier. And a set of marksdwarves.

So, how do we -
http://www.aiyon.com/keke/df/10.jpg - and he's inside the fortress walls.
Oh, come on. Really? REALLY!?

The bastard is seen by the military. Four of our soldiers for some reason are unable to follow the order to kill the Goblin Thief. DK, ShlupQuack and AngelWings8 rampage him, but he's slick. Is this world on hard mode? Seriously, in my previous fortress, I remember goblin thieves being a piece of cake for a single novice wrestler. DK has motor nerve damage and has lost his ability to grasp a little. Shlup? She can no longer stand. smurf this fortress, man. Did we build right next to the goblin city without knowing it? The sooner we no longer need the surface, the better. And yes, it really has only been a month or so. =|

So, those crossbow gob--
http://www.aiyon.com/keke/df/10.jpg (yes, I used the same image twice, that is not a mistake)

09-03-2011, 06:16 PM
Jesus Christ that was extensive. After a quick skim read I've ascertained that we're probably fucked. I'll do a reread now.

09-03-2011, 06:22 PM
Hurrah! Spoonproblems is back!

Boo! Spoonproblems is smurfed!

...or maybe that's a hurrah too.

Also, I think the bedrooms look stylish. :colbert: But yeah hospital patients and soldiers and awesome people like me get better bedrooms. It's only fair! :doublecolbert:

09-03-2011, 06:50 PM
Jesus christ, even in the land of Dwarves we can't escape the hideous clutches of Arsene Wenger. Protect the children indeed.

Loony BoB
09-03-2011, 07:08 PM
We're not smurfed. Yet. Yet.

The sad thing about this game is that I don't know if I will actually get a chance to make bedrooms for people. xD With so many goblins, well, it's pretty endless really.

Mining 101: When the going gets tough, you dig deep.

The next goblin thief was not as tough. It didn't need to be, at least, not for a while. Because it ran. And boy, could this little sod run.
Eventually, they caught up with him.

He still got away - and ran downstairs. Eventually, this thief would die somewhere around our dining room or something. We'll inevitably get miasma problems but perhaps our cleaners will be good, who knows. Either way, it was time to just leave the goblins outside alone for a bit while I assessed the damage. Oh, wait.

Phew. Can you imagine if he went berserk? This place would be proper smurfed then. Also...

About smurfin' time. I decided to check on where the goblins were to ensure we weren't in any immediate trouble, since they can probably fire through the entrance using their crossbows.

Luckily, they were North of us, between the lakes. As I checked to see if any of our soldiers were still above ground, I noticed this. It wasn't intentional - they were on automation, still, for some reason. It genuinely summed up the atmosphere of the fortress, though.

With that done, I headed down to the hospital. Four were in beds.

At the top was Genius Lynx, who had no health problems in his status screen. Thank God.
Bottom left was ShlupQuack, who had lost her ability to stand.
The middle of the bottom three is DK, who had suffered motor nerve damage and, I'm told by Unne, may never grasp an axe quite the same way again. But he'll still be capable. They left it up to me as to whether he remains in the military. I'll reassess things later. We're safe... for now. And then, finally, there was Laddy. The outlook was not good. He was suffering from heavy bleeding. And... he couldn't breathe. I'm not sure how he is still alive. :( He has lost the ability to stand and grasp. This is not cool. I don't know if I saved him fast enough. Only time will tell. Hopefully Unne, Quin and Kentarou can work some kind of miracle.

ShlupQuack has her wounds dressed, grabs a crutch and heads off to eat. She declares herself a wrestler even now. She's a fighter, that's for sure.

I went back upstairs and looked at Marshall Banana as she hammered away. Five workshops were all in use. In the open. It was time for change. I ripped them all down and built a new set of workshops around the furnaces. And as for the woodcutters, the plant gatherers...

I dug. Pike dug. Ashley dug. Rostum dug. Shiny dug. We dug until we found it.

A cavern! I immediately closed off access to the cavern, flooring over the old stairway. The magical nature of the deeps had done it's work already. Moss appeared upstairs by the farms, in the hospital (mental note: Put down flooring on that level). I picked out a spot for a large open space and knew that once we dug out that zone, we would have a private underground garden with trees and plants in safe location. One project that will pay off untold amounts. Perfect.

As if to celebrate, AngelWings8 popped out a baby! And then...!

Hooray! They're coming in from the North!



09-04-2011, 12:58 AM
If there are any survivors from the migrants I would like to be dwarfed if possible.

09-04-2011, 01:18 AM
These clinic beds sure are something, let me tell you.

Loony BoB
09-04-2011, 12:49 PM
If there are any survivors from the migrants I would like to be dwarfed if possible.

There are seven of them. Our warriors number roughly the same amount - those who are equipped for battle and off their hospital bed, anyway, and that includes Shlup who is on a crutch. So six, really. The enemies, weilding crossbows, also number six. I... don't think this wave of seven migrants is going to come to a happy ending. I think they're basically guaranteed death unless I get really lucky and find a way to draw the enemy away, or perhaps if they scatter, some might make it in somehow. But I'll have to lower the drawbridge if that happens and that would mean my six warriors and the rest of our group being endangered. I really need to sort out cage traps and do it effing fast after this lot are done. A very significant number of them, too.

09-04-2011, 04:07 PM
War Dogs, why don't you have war dogs on the military squad dude!

Loony BoB
09-04-2011, 05:24 PM
I literally haven't had the chance since I got the game. xD I've barely got into summer and I've already gone through three episodes. Hopefully the next two thirds of my year will be a bit more easy-going. Hopefully!


Goblins, aka Immigration Control

I had to do something. Dropping the drawbridge would do no good - easy access to every one of our civilians was stupid. The only other way in was through the cage trap tunnel - there were still a few cage traps there and the military could handle the rest. But it was too late for hoping the goblins would charge in - they had a number of dwarves that had to go past them to get inside the fort. Still, if they scattered, or were fast and good at dodging (as many of the incoming dwarves seemed to be, luckily), some could survive. The goblins would follow them and at least half would end up in a cage, while the others would face up against the remnants of our military force. We could only try.

As you can see, it was quite likely we'd get most of the goblins captured while the civilians hid in the dining room.

The first of the dwarves - pamelasandon - appears. Upon seeing the goblins (below left), she screams at the top of her lungs. "Fungal disease that blankets leaves!" Yeah, the goblins heard her scream and made a beeline for her immediately.

Meanwhile, Del Murder started deconstructing the walled off cage trap tunnel.

At that same time, crossbow bolts whizzed towards pamelasandon, and she was wounded and killed almost immediately.

She survived just long enough for the next dwarf to arrive - davidhass3lh0ff.

The military were stationed and ready for the incoming attack, including both DK and ShlupQuack. The wall downed, I made one final check to ensure all civilians returned to the dining room. They had (migrants excepted). Good. Just the military and the six remaining migrants, then.

davidhass3lh0ff ran to the right despite having a crossbow sticking out of his leg, and managed to survive a lot longer than pamelasandon. This gave time for qwertysaur and crono_logical to also run in, as seen to the right. Meanwhile, zohaib hussein ran in to the left, which was completely unexpected. He dragged a couple of crossbowmen with him, which certainly made matters a little more interesting...

davidhass3lh0ff died almost immediately afterwards, as seen above. However, looking near the bottom of the page you'll see clout and qwerty with a good distance covered and heading home. To the far right, by the river, you see Shattered Dreamer and Big D.

Here we see qwerty and clout running into the sweet safety of the fortress, the last of the elven merchants leaving, and... Wait, why are the military heading outdoors?

zohaib somehow is still alive. Seriously, this guy has been running circles around two enemy crossbowmen for some time now.

To the bottom left, we see goblins running towards the cage trap tunnel and the military who, Azar leading the way, have gone to pick up items despite the fact I've stationed them within the tunnel. Only some of them, mind you. Must be better armour around or something. Panic stations. Oh, to the top right, you see Big D. To the bottom right corner, you would see Shattered Dreamer if he wasn't on a different level to everyone else. He's by the lake on the level above.

Azar heads on a suicide mission towards the goblins. By this point I have decided all military will charge these two goblins. The other has headed off after Big D. The numbers are suddenly stacked firmly in our favour for this skirmish.

Although difficult to see (I forgot to zoom back in after earlier pictures), to the left you see the remnants of a goblin Azar freaking obliterated the moment he collided with the enemy. Seriously, epic first kill. The goblin lasted less than a second. The other guy took a bit more work, but DK, GeniusLynx and his wife AngelWings8 - carrying her baby - despatch the second foe. At some point around here, zohaib died. I have no idea how, as his body is no longer in the game. I tried to zoom to his location using his status screen, but it wouldn't. Weird. I guess he'll be ghosting us at some point! DK charged towards the lasher and crossbow weidling goblins chasing Big D and Shattered Dreamer, seen to the right.

Here we see DK smashing up a lasher with AngelWings8 while everyone else gangs up on the Big D-chasing crossbowman, who died quickly. The lasher managed to survive a bit longer. But... Wait. This was all too easy. I count off the kills.

Oh. Ha. I organise for a doconstruction of a wall so our guys can take out the last of them, and...

...well, we lost another. We always knew Shlup was close to Devil Man, so I hope...

...ah, bugger. She throws a rock against a wall in the fort and gets over it, though. Atta girl.

09-05-2011, 04:16 AM
A better engineer than me would organize a method of flooding and draining that ditch. Drowning goblins sounds much more fun than punching them to death (despite what ShlupQuack says).

Stay alive, Loony BoB, keep us alive, and make Spoonproblems proud.

Loony BoB
09-05-2011, 08:02 PM
Life, Death, Afterlife and more Life.

Okay, while we fought all those goblins, I forgot to update you about a couple of babies. But it's cool, because Shlup & Raist had set a reminder for me to update you about them. That reminder came in the form of another baby.
Somehow, baby Cuchulainn is already the most foul-mouthed dwarf in Spoonproblems. I was teaching him a new word or two of my own when an all too familiar call came from the fortress entrance. "Get the smurf off me, you smurfing ugly green bastards!"

It was foa. :( She had spotted not just an ambush, but two goblin thieves. Right at the fortress entrance. Laddy didn't make it after his drop, but I knew what I had to do. I ordered the lever pulled, and hoped she'd make it inside somehow. I was not optimistic.

Immediately after this, another goblin squad appeared on the map. They had Shorty completely surrounded.

This is about one or two seconds later.

It was then that I was informed of the third squad. They were spotted by an incoming caravan of human merchants. By my count, that's two human soldiers, two human merchants and at least four goblin warriors. I left the human soldiers to it.

RIP, Shorty & foa. You were two dwarves that dramatically improved our fortress and without you it will not be the same.

The merchants travelled past the (now much better prepared) cage trap tunnel. Our soldiers stand ready to embark on their hunt, although at this point with no dwarves outside, a rather wise DK advises them to wait for the goblins to walk into the traps. At the moment, the odds are not in our favour. The few goblins that survived the human soldiers are quickly secured, and our newest goblin problem is over. Phew. Oh, and the goblin snatchers were ripped up by our military within the fortress walls.

Dear Autumn, please do not send any more goblins our way, kind regards, Loony BoB.

I wonder what Xalibar is up to?

Xalibar is up to being smurfing awesome, that's what. Take notes, everyone. This is EXACTLY what everyone should do with their enemies. Turn their bones into weapons. Hell yes. I can only hope someday this is added to a weapon trap so that it stabbity-stabs other goblins.

Called it.

Whee. Today's migrants arrive without issue for a change, and casually walk in to the mines. I quickly recruit edczxcvbnm into our second military squad. Why? Because he's bloody good with a crossbow, and that's a first for us. Well, there's BG-57 who is a novice with one, but he's our only talented weaponsmith. Anyway, edc won't be training or anything just yet as he's just one marksdwarf and there isn't an archery target built. I have, however, established two new barracks areas which will eventually be set up for the Fortress Guard (led by another newcomer, KaiserDragon, who possibly will use the goblin bone spear) and the marksdwarfs respectively. Someone else will have to carry out the final touches in there, but probably only when there are enough people to make the squads useful.

Anyway. We also got Shaibana [Carpenter/Woodcrafter], some guy who insisted he didn't need a name (He's nicknamed by his mates as 'Idnan', so we'll go with that) [Mason/Glazer/Makeshift Wood Burner], McLovin' [Glassmarker/Makeshift Miner], DocFrance [High Master Bone Doctor/High Master Wound Dresser], Jentleness , Tavrobel [Engraver] and Dr Eddz [Accomplished Suturer/Accomplished Wound Dresser]. At least our medics are populous.

It's probably time I updated you guys on the projects I've set up, now that things are running slightly more smoothly.

Here we see the entrance to the fortress. This forces enemies into running through set cage traps should they try to sneak up on dwarfs in positions such as that which foa was in. Sadly, she was in this position while making these walls. :( Catch 22. Hopefully it will save many a life in the future.

I have decided to leave the cage tunnel permanently open for now. If fully prepared, it will stop a minimum of 19 goblins and a maximum of 42 goblins. Maybe 45, I'm sure I put a few cage traps by the stairs, too... But yeah. Obviously it's unlikely we'll get to that, but please, keep building cages. There are only four things wood should be used for in this game, all are important. But, in order of importance, I would say that it goes like this: Cages, Charcoal, Beds, Bins. But obviously - make them all. Don't settle for just one or two. Hopefully woodcutting will eventually not be highly required, though. I strongly suggest my future replacement arrange for a lot of wood to be imported and to trade it in whenever possible. We'll always have easy access to stone. Wood is a different story. Hopefully the underground garden will pay off and we'll have trees that are safe to get to, but they will never grow fast enough to satisfy the potential huge population of dwarfs we may have.

Some people collect stamps. Some people collect figurines. I collect goblins.

Here is the beginnings of our underground garden. Feel free to expand it as much as you like, so long as you don't dig beneath a lake or something stupid like that. :p It should stop you from doing such a thing, but yeah, don't do it.

Our dwarves have been unhappy lately, so I've decided to smooth all the stone in the dining room so they feel a little better about where they eat. I have also built floors into the hospital and cemetery. The construction of a wall in the cemetery is pretty much done, and it should hopefully be engraved by someone eventually.

The barracks expansion, stage one. The two other barracks rooms have since been mined out below this one. It allows for ten soldiers to sleep, and spar a little easier. I've also mined out an area to the right of the barracks. This would be a useful spot to put down a weapon/armor stockpile (I never got around to it). It's even seperated a little so the ammunition can go into the bottom room, which would be ideal for the marksdwarves who will likely use the bottom barracks for training.

The workshop area. There are no longer any workshops above ground. This means more time hauling items, but it also means happier dwarves and it most certainly means safer dwarves. The stairs going up in the middle of the workshop walls lead to a stone and wood stockpile. The little hall heading to the left has since been expanded to lead to a massive room, which would be ideal for finished goods.

I got curious since zobain stalked haunting us and did eventually find his corpse. In the deeps of the river. If someone can think of a way to get him out, go for it!

...oh, for the love of... (in case anyone is wondering, a cyclops is a building destroyer and can smash through walls or anything).

Nice timing, Manus. The guy must think we have a distinguished guest or something.

Oh, maybe we do. :) He avoided smashing walls and went through the main entrance and got caught by cage trap #1.

Our new youngest dwarf! Man, they're popping out like crazy lately.


Spring: Goblins. Summer: More goblins. Autumn: Oger. Winter: ???

Please live, please live, please live... Oh, he's going to the jeweler's shop. Easy!

Bling bling.

EVERYONE HAS NICKNAMES. But apparently not Pete for President's parents. I have no idea who these people are and I don't know how to find out without wasting time. So I don't waste time. But whoever you are: Congratulations!

Upon looking at the nobles screen, I saw that we now had a bunch of requirements I'd not had time to look into earlier. So welcome to the noble rooms. To the upper left, you have the mayor's bedroom. Below it is the mayor's study/office. Below that is the mayor's dining room. Feel free to make them really fancy. Every square on this floor should realistically be smoothed down at the very least, and perhaps engraved. But for now, just smoothed. Anyway. The nine small rooms above and below the stairwell room are for the other nobles. The rooms on the right are to be kept free until we someday (I'm optimistic here) have a baron sent our way. For now, Psychotic is our mayor, manager, broker and record keeper. In the long run, mayors will be elected so it's anyone's guess. Unless we get a better record keeper than Psy, he should keep that job. Unless we get a better organizer than Psy, he should keep that job, too. And unless somehow we get a bloody awesome appraiser, I think he's gonna keep that job for life, because he's pretty damned good at it. The only other noble we have that requires a room is the captain of the guard, KaiserDragon. So he gets the three rooms just to the right of Psy's bedroom.

Winter was clearly our best season ever. Anyway, with Bolivar's creepy attachment to his iron short sword, well, I'm done. This game was just non-stop. I have never had so much to do! I hope the next person who follows up my turn will have a great year.

Things that I did not get done that I wanted to get done:
1. Put tables directly next to every bed in the hospital. I forgot one of them. :p
2. Set up stockpiles for finished goods, armor, weapons, leather, cloth, etc.
3. Smooth stone. Everywhere!
4. Set up better barracks. Continue to expand the military.
5. Engrave the hell out of the cemetery. RIP.
6. Build floors on the walkways of the dirt levels. The secure underground garden is great, but we really, really don't want trees growing in front of entrances to workshops and whatnot. This will take a lot of time, but in the long run will be worth it.
7. Continue to build bedrooms. The floor below the noble rooms is a good place to continue expanding.
8. Keep going down from the bedrooms and eventually - eventually - you'll find that I've mined a pathway to below the cavern. Keep digging around this floor and the ones below - carefully walling off any cavern access you might accidentally create - and look for a flux stone: Calcite, Chalk, Dolomite, Limestone or Marble. If we can find some of this, we can start making our own steel. Yay!

[B]IMPORTANT: You know how Psy told you to pull the lever? Well, if the cage traps are ready (ie, they have a cage in them, and the cage is not full of some monster) then leave it down if there are people still outside. Pull the lever when civilians are INSIDE. If they are not, rely on the cage traps. HOWEVER. What you really, really need to do is USE THE PANIC (DINING) ROOM! Press 'm' for military, 'a' for alerts, go right twice so you highlight 'Dining Room' and press ENTER to order every civilian to run to the dining room and stay there. Your military will remain active. So: m, a, right, right, enter. Do the same thing again to take away the alert and allow your civilians to go back to work/idling/whatever.

ALSO IMPORTANT: To get your military to kill something, press 's' for squads, 'a' for "The Copper Words" (DK's squad), then follow the instructions carefully (eg. m for move, k for kill). Perhaps more importantly, when the military are no longer needed to be moving or killing, press 's' 'a' 'o' to cancel their order. Otherwise they will spend all eternity trying to kill something they have already killed, or trying to stand in the spot they were told to stand in. They will only return for food/drink. So cancel their order when done so they can return to their training etc.

EDIT: One last thing to my far, far too long post: I just noticed after playing a bit longer on my own time that BG-57 is dead because he violated a mandate of Psychotic's. I don't know if this is just in my playthrough or if this happened before I saved the game or the next person's turn. So now we have no real decent weaponsmith. It may be worth setting up a prison or something. DK & Shlup have also been punished, but obviously they live on.

09-05-2011, 08:16 PM

Can we get a screenshot of Eggut Omrist? Also what an awful use for a legendary spear, man. Give it to some high up military type.

Also, Cyclops in a cage, eh? I call dibs!
For now, Psychotic is our mayor, manager, broker and record keeper. In the long run, mayors will be elected so it's anyone's guess. Unless we get a better record keeper than Psy, he should keep that job. Unless we get a better organizer than Psy, he should keep that job, too. And unless somehow we get a bloody awesome appraiser, I think he's gonna keep that job for life, because he's pretty damned good at itThere is no smugface big enough for this.

Actually wait, yes, yes there is.



Loony BoB
09-05-2011, 08:34 PM
Can we get a screenshot of Eggut Omrist? Also what an awful use for a legendary spear, man. Give it to some high up military type.
You mean the description?

This is a goblin bone spear. All craftsdwarfship is of the highest quality. On the item is an image of a fire man in goblin bone.
I don't think a legendary spear will be that useful to any of our military types considering they are all useless with a spear. Kaiser is a speardwarf, so he'll probably get it, unless there is an iron spear around or something. Which there might be, actually. Either way, bone spears are pretty useless when you're in the middle of a battle, at least compared to an iron equivalent. Kaiser doesn't even use a weapon at the moment anyway, he's never on active duty because he's the only member of the guard.

Also, Cyclops in a cage, eh? I call dibs!
Psychotic vs. Cyclops in the arena? ;) Even with a bone spear, I dunno...

For now, Psychotic is our mayor, manager, broker and record keeper. In the long run, mayors will be elected so it's anyone's guess. Unless we get a better record keeper than Psy, he should keep that job. Unless we get a better organiser than Psy, he should keep that job, too. And unless somehow we get a bloody awesome appraiser, I think he's gonna keep that job for life, because he's pretty damned good at it
I think you'll lose the manager spot once another organiser appears. We could give it to DK, who is already a lot better than you at it (a squad leader thing, maybe?), but he's too good a warrior to be stuck behind a desk doing paperwork. Nobody else is organised yet. Hopefully someone turns up. You haven't gained any experience in organising at all, weirdly. I think when you have multiple jobs, some jobs end up taking a back seat... dunno. Shaterred Dreamer could be a worthy Record Keeper as he has 3000xp in it (Skilled), but you're on 4,998 at the moment (Talented) so it's a tough choice. Appraising? Ha! You're a Professional Appraiser (8,980xp) compared to our alternative, Rye, who is a Novice with 500xp.

My tips for your opposition to staying as (elected) mayor are Unbreakable Will, eternal essence, Zeldy and Rye. If I had to pick one, it'd be eternal essence.

09-05-2011, 08:42 PM
Thanks, now I know to send to the caverns and pretend to be upset when they mysteriously vanish. :)

Also don't burst my bubble, man.

Also also, for those who care (I estimate precisely 0 people) I have finally updated the list of updates in the first post to include Iceglow's reign of terror and the rise of Loony BoB.

Loony BoB
09-05-2011, 09:01 PM
Operation: PANIC ROOM
Set up a room where all civilians will run to when an enemy is sighted. Actually, I've already set up this room, and it's the dining room. Eventually I'll look into a more effective room that is a bit more 'purpose built'.
Okay, it'll be the dining room for all time, probably. It's handy that it's a "nice looking" place, so the dwarves should be happy until someday something breaks through from the depths and wipes us all out. Er... might be worth putting traps somewhere between the depths and the dining room at some point... let alone the bedrooms. Either way: Panic room set up. ✔

Operation: Dwarves Hate Working In the Sun And/Or Rain
Move the workshops and storage underground to avoid sun, rain and enemies.
✔ - Done.

Operatoin: Dwarves Should Learn to Like the Sun Anyway
As much as I hate the sun, I can understand that regular access to it can help, so the target is to set up a statue garden which is COMPLETELY walled off, no doors, nothing. Just a stairway to sweet, sweet underground. That way we hopefully won't have problems with dwarves getting molesight.
X - Fail.

Operation: I Hate Goblins, But I Hate Death Even More
Capture or kill all goblins without suffering any damage.
✔ - I was referring to the initial attack on our fort that was ongoing, and this was 100% successful. Sucks about the later losses, though. :(

Operation: Cage Traps, Cage Traps, Cage Traps and also Cage Traps
Set up improved defence systems.
✔ - Done. Also, I found this (http://ste.unpretended.com/?p=47) while at work today. It sums up my initial strategy in DF defence 100%.

Operation: The Great Indoors
Find a cavern. Cut off all access to cavern completely. Watch trees grow underground so we don't have to go above ground to cut down trees anymore, either.
✔ - Done. Well, aside from watching trees grow. It was winter! But all the same, now spring is here, hopefully it will hapen. There have been a bunch of shrubs that have already grown, though. Yay.

Operation: Operation
Tables directly next to the beds in the hospital.
✔ - Done. Okay, okay, but seven out of eight isn't bad, though.

Operation: Catsplosion
We need to explode cats. I can only assume that this is what Catsplosion means. Catsplosion will lead to an excellent way to eventually explore a cavern without the loss of life... dwarf life, anyway.
X - 100% fail. Our female and male cat simply do not want to. We need to bring in more cats.

Operation: Stones are Only Useful In Certain Places
Time to move the stone to certain places where it will be useful. I just checked: 16 idlers at present. That is more than enough.
✔ - Done. There are still a large number of rooms which need to be cleared out (d, b, d to dump large numbers of items at once, for anyone interested in playing next), but the key areas I wanted cleared were cleared.

Operation: Soldier On
Analyse the military schedules, equipment, training etc. and react accordingly.
✔ - Done. Also, they now have iron armor/weapons. All of the main squad, anyway. At least, they better have it on, because otherwise our dwarfs made all that stuff for nothing. :(

Operation: Make Use
Look into a more effective job setup. Key point: More miners needed for all this work. There are only two at present.
✔ - Done. But now we need a new weaponsmith. eternal essence is a makeshift one, but man, hopefully we get one soon. :(

So... who's up next?

http://www.aiyon.com/keke/df/Eyesonia.rar (9M)

09-06-2011, 12:40 PM
gawd if I had any idea how to work this game, I would be all over it. It's just so hard working with ascii :(

09-07-2011, 02:31 AM
Use a damn interface mod you filthy fucking convict, just be sure to turn true-type fonts on as well.

09-07-2011, 04:37 AM
Give me a step-by-step way to do this and I shall. All the explanations I found online assumed I was already a dwarf fortress pro but I am a complete and utter retard.

Loony BoB
09-07-2011, 12:59 PM
The best thing you can do is download the game (use the Lazy Newbie pack Psy linked to early on), open the Lazy Newbie pack, set the preferred options (I can't advise on them at the moment since I'm at work, but someone else can probably chime in to help) and mess about with a few games. Install a graphics pack and I advise using Dwarf Therapist, as it makes it a lot easier to manage your dwarfs after they get a little numerous.

As for a startup walkthrough sort of thing, well, the best you'll get is something like this...

Dwarf Fortress Wiki (http://df.magmawiki.com/)

Particularly the "New to Dwarf Fortress?" bit. Particularly this: DF2010:Quickstart guide - Dwarf Fortress Wiki (http://df.magmawiki.com/index.php/DF2010:Quickstart_guide)

You'll lose a few games early on, probably, but eventually you'll get the hang of things. The more you play, the more you learn. There are still things I don't know about the game but I can have a very large almost-self-running fortress pretty quickly in this game despite that. Once you have a fair idea of how things work (ie how to change jobs of dwarfs, how to nickname them, how to obtain wood/stone, how to mine, how to increase food production, how to increase drink production, how to create things, how to build structures/place furniture, how to trade, how to run away from an enemy and how to attack an enemy) then you should be good to at least have a shot at the EoFF version. In fact, in the EoFF game, you'll barely have to touch the food/drink production for some time as we're overflowing with plant-food and alcohol.

Basically, though: Wing it! If you're not ready just yet, I'm sure someone else can have a go and then you can pick up after their year. =] But somebody carry on the line! If nobody is playing this game by tomorrow I may resort to PM'ing people bugging them into it. :p I'll at least PM DP, MB and Quin since they established an interest in running the game some time ago.

Dignified Pauper
09-10-2011, 04:12 PM
I will get on this later tonight hopefully, I have the download file, however, if someone else beats me to it, that too is fine.

09-11-2011, 02:33 PM
Do it, do it nao!

Dignified Pauper
09-11-2011, 02:54 PM
So first off, you people have designed an absolutely amazingly terrible fortress. I also hate these bedroom designs and will be constructing a new and more beautiful apartment complex. Secondly, since I don't know shit about military, I'm going to push through and just wing it because I never go any military training. I'll post fall by late this morning, I haven't done a damn thing other than to look at how all of you have done screwed up this fortress to high heaven and back. I'm so lost and confused in this place.

Oh, I will also be making a zoo!

Dignified Pauper
09-11-2011, 04:46 PM
So... the total of Spring is right now in video format. I'm not too impressed with myself as I had no clue what you all had done so far as I've been absent. I'll upload the video and post it tonight. It's really not spectacular. I did accidentally release some of the goblins, but that turned out to be not such a bad thing. I also don't know who we need to add to the new migrants.


What is the best file format to upload that will compress a video and keep a relatively good quality on fullscreen?

Loony BoB
09-12-2011, 12:33 PM
You could always put it on YouTube, possibly as a private video if you don't want random people seeing it. I don't think there is any realistic way you can attach video files at EoFF as the size of them would be way above our attachment restrictions (which we won't raise for this kind of thing).

Psy: Good mayor. Terrible city planner. :D

Dignified Pauper
09-12-2011, 02:03 PM
No kidding. Well, the problem is that the videos are about 4Gbs total, about an hour and a half. I'm going to trim out dead stuff, so it will look a little choppy. Further, I want to maintain the quality and upload everything as one video. Ugh. I think the next video will be done in Stone Sense totally, maybe... I dunno.

09-12-2011, 03:03 PM
Sod off the pair of you, the bedroom design is amazing. And it's all around the central ramp to maximise pathfinding - and thus framerate - efficiency!

Loony BoB
09-12-2011, 04:47 PM
This is my general aim for things. But then, I don't like using ramps. Stairs are so much easier to work with!

__dining rooms__stairs__dining rooms___
___noble rooms__stairs__noble rooms____

Also, 4GB!? An hour and a half!? Did you record your entire playthrough? xD Man, I spent about 12 hours doing my turn, it'd be crazy boring as a video. Did you talk through the video and record that, too? That would be interesting. But probably not interesting enough to warrant an hour and a half of listening. Definitely would cut it down to 30 minutes or so, tops, and post it in ten-minute videos turn-by-turn.

But then, I'm terrible at editing videos and I don't think DF really shines when it comes to that end of things.

09-12-2011, 09:43 PM
That or you should offer them up as we have with images taken from to note key events and text. Some of us don't have enough spare time to watch a DF movie!

Dignified Pauper
09-13-2011, 06:10 AM
Yeah, as of right now, it's just an hour and a half with some dead time here and there. I'm working on cropping this shit, but it's going to be choppy. I might just screen shot from the video and figure out what was going on. If I make a video for summer, I'll probably put it into sections that link together.

09-13-2011, 03:44 PM
Is Iceglow criticizing someone for length? I smell hypocrisy.

There is a video-making function in the game, yes? I seem to recall Necronopticus using such to record his caravan trap shenanigans.

09-13-2011, 10:25 PM
There isn't he used Fraps to record the video. Same program many of us use to get screen captures on Stonesense and various other games.

As for me sitting here criticizing on length? Well, my updates were at least posts, you could wander off, pee, make a cuppa and get some dinner in before coming back and reading another couple of paragraphs about what happened and not have missed anything. A video however, you will miss important things going on and 1.5 hours of video of DF is not going to be the most entertaining of things, especially if theres a quiet season much like some of the ones I experienced in year 2.

Loony BoB
09-14-2011, 09:03 AM
If only they made some kind of function in videos where you could cause a video to freeze it's position. You could click on a button to make it do this, or something, and then when you want it to carry on from that position, you could click that button again to make it continue.

If only there were such a way!

But 1.5 hours is too much. 30 minutes or even 10 minutes would be far more ideal, but we'll see how it goes! I hope there is a running commentary!

Dignified Pauper
09-15-2011, 12:19 PM
I completely agree. I'm going to post-pone and let someone else go over and do some random tests with video. I'm really interested in making this a plausible video. I can definitely get everything synced well, I just hate typing everything out, mainly because I don't know who is who yet, and I need to figure out what is going on since I played UPDATES ago.

Loony BoB
09-15-2011, 12:44 PM
No worries. Just don't Marick this thing. ;)

EDIT: Wait, are you asking for someone else to have this year's turn or are you wanting to let someone else do tests with video?

09-15-2011, 01:26 PM
god yes please let paul or somebody who knows how to fix the important things go before marick, god damn interior decor my arse

Dignified Pauper
09-17-2011, 06:30 PM
i'm saying someone else take this year's turn. My main plan is to organize all these damn rocks you have laying around everywhere, build a zoo, build a better apartment area, and smooth areas.

09-17-2011, 06:36 PM
Dan should take a turn then :P