The EoFF Dating Game

[demondude]

Tonight, I will be your love guru.

Bachelors and bachelorettes, I present to you the eyeson matchmaking extravaganza. It's simple: one of you lucky singles will have a selection of three potential partners who you will question over the round, and they will reply to me through pm and I'll relay the message. The catch? You won't know who they are. Once you choose which of the three mystery participants you want to take out, then courtesy of Genius Lynx, we will take you down to IRC where you can get to know each other a little better. Afterward we expect a full diary of the date and how it got on with the other person. Maybe a rating.

Now, as we know, Sharkythesharkdogg needs a woman. If any ladies (or men so inclined) would like to take him out, pm me for the round so you can be a contestant.

Round 1:

Bachelor: Sharkythesharkdogg

Contestants:

1) Contestant A - Northernchaosgod - Dumped
2) Contestant B - fire_of_avalon - Dated
3) Contestant C - Laddy - Dumped

Final result: Sharky and foa date successfully and have three children out of marriage. Separate when foa finds Sharky's collection of handicapped pornography.

[Peegee]

can we nominate female members?

[demondude]

Anybody willing to let sharky touch them.

Edit: We have our first victim contestant.

[Remon]

Wow I'd feel really awkward about this. Good luck shark XD

And what's the point in listing contestants whose identity is kept secret? o.o

[demondude]

So people know how many slots are left innit.

[Remon]

Guess it works :p

[sharkythesharkdogg]

Sweet zombie Jesus, once you get an idea in your head you really go all out Jake.



Also, I hate you.

[demondude]

We have contestant B. :D

Edit: play #tot with us.

2ND POST: We have our third contestant!

So the floor is open. Sharky, ask any questions and our mystery players will pm me their answers. Good luck bro, this might be it for you.

[AngelWings8]

*makes popcorn*

:squee: I'm excited to see what happens :excited:<makes popcorn="" for="" the="" show=""></makes> BEST SHOW EVER!

[demondude]

Sharky's really shy bless him, so I'm relaying his message.


I really like flowers. If you were a flower, what flower would you be? I'm a delicate, white flower

[sharkythesharkdogg]

Contestanta B, how desperate are you? I mean you volunteered for this. Have you seen my pictures?

Also, how comfortable are you with being buried alive during a particularly rambunctious session of coffin sex?

[Pike]

Contestanta B, how desperate are you? I mean you volunteered for this. Have you seen my pictures?

Also, how comfortable are you with being buried alive during a particularly rambunctious session of coffin sex?

Oh this is gonna get good

[Pheesh]

Oh man, Jersey Shore's new season starts soon and now THIS!

*cries from joy*

[Rantz]

I'm excited to hear the answer!

[NorthernChaosGod]

Flowers are gay, brah.

[demondude]

If I were a flower ... I would be a field of forget-me-nots so that when I blow his mind he'll have a place to start the remembering process.


It may not be a flower, but honeysuckle. So I can suck my honey all night long~

[Pheesh]

This thread is going to be good. Maybe even great.

[Caboose]

This is going to be a thread of absolute debauchery. I'm going to be here alot.

[sharkythesharkdogg]

Flowers are gay, brah.

Contestants, WTF is going on with Julian's ears? Does he work part time as a radar dish?

If I was having a bad day, what creative insults would you use to kick me while I'm down? Racial slurs mean extra points. Get creative.

[Remon]

I'd go for C

[demondude]

Contestanta B, how desperate are you? I mean you volunteered for this. Have you seen my pictures?


I do it for the lulz.

Also, how comfortable are you with being buried alive during a particularly rambunctious session of coffin sex?


I would say, based on my previous experience, I'm fairly comfortable being in a situation where I lose all control, have a crowd gathered around me in semi-darkness, getting a little dirty and waiting for something heavy to fill my hole.

Contestants, WTF is going on with Julian's ears? Does he work part time as a radar dish?

If I was having a bad day, what creative insults would you use to kick me while I'm down? Racial slurs mean extra points. Get creative.


Julian's ears are actually an amazing example of progressive evolution. Julian and his ancestors were all members of a species we call Creepsters. The culture of these ancient hominids is quite fascinating; you see Creepsters engaged in many forms of voyeurism to report back to their "bros" about the exploits of stronger, more sexually viable males. The Creepsters would discuss what they witnessed and attempt to replicate it for themselves, thereby tricking some wayward female into continuing their less than stellar gene pool.

Julian, were he a prehistoric version of himself, with his ears, would lean against walls to report the sounds he heard back to his tribe.

Also, you think you're having a bad day? I'm the one that has to look at you.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------


If you were feeling bad and needed insults, I'd chain you up, gag you, and degrade like the piece of absolute tit you are.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Contestant A is a little bit retarded and had to ask me if he/she needed to answer one of the questions.

[Loony BoB]

*eats some of AngelWing's popcorn*

[AngelWings8]

*brings slushies and gummy bears too* :D

[Raistlin]

I'm rooting for Contestant B.

I wonder how many of the contestants are male.

[Peegee]

I'm rooting for Contestant B.

I wonder how many of the contestants are male.

>implying women on the internet

i c wut u did deer

[Slothy]

*brings slushies and gummy bears too* :D

*makes AngelWings his new best friend* This is quite the show. :D

[sharkythesharkdogg]

Wow, you are some sick, sick people. It concerns me that my ultimate reward for being coerced into this cluster fuck is that I'll have to hold a conversation with one you. :|


Everyone knows the way to man's heart is through his stomach. Describe to me the ingredients you'd use to make me the perfect sandwich, and win my very desirable heart.
:smug:

No weird things! Pubic hair does NOT qualify as bean sprouts.


I guess at this point contestant b has 10 points, c has 5 points, and a is a total failure.

[NorthernChaosGod]

Contestants, WTF is going on with Julian's ears? Does he work part time as a radar dish?
:colbert:

[demondude]

I really like flowers. If you were a flower, what flower would you be? I'm a delicate, white flower.


I'd be a rose because they're beautiful and everyone loves them. Also, you know, thorns.

Contestants, WTF is going on with Julian's ears? Does he work part time as a radar dish?


I once heard that Julian's ears double as both wings AND as satellite radio receivers. He's one step closer to the future that is cybernetic enhancements that most of us dream about.


Well someone has to listen to our sweet nothings, babe.


If I was having a bad day, what creative insults would you use to kick me while I'm down? Racial slurs mean extra points. Get creative.



Insults are pretty played out, so I'd just physically kick you while you were down until you passed out to start it all over again the next day.

I'll probably find a better way of formatting it next round.

[Freya]

Oh goodness! I like Contestant A's answer for the insults. heh

[Heath]

Once you choose which of the three mystery participants you want to take out, then courtesy of Genius Lynx, we will take you down to IRC where you can get to know each other a little better.

DD, you seem to have confused 'dating game' with 'brothel.'

[demondude]

It's what the people want.

[Heath]

People don't want love and affection and acceptance from their peers. They want a remake of Final Fantasy VII or Nascar in 3D.

[demondude]

Heath will be our next bachelor.

[Heath]

Heath will be our next bachelor.

I don't want love and affection and acceptance from my peers. I want a remake of Final Fantasy VII or Nascar in 3D coke.

Also, I'm sorry to make all the ladies feel disappointed/extremely relieved, but I'm not on the market.

[Remon]

It keeps getting better and better *pops corn*

[demondude]

Everyone knows the way to man's heart is through his stomach. Describe to me the ingredients you'd use to make me the perfect sandwich, and win my very desirable heart.


The perfect sandwich would be you sandwiched by me and Contestant B. If you didn't like you, you could just watch in the corner then.


Eye of newt and jack of ass
All these answers are very crass
Though you'd like a fancy lass
You'll have to settle for my sass

Wool of bat and rotten tomato
Your sandwich will includepotato
(http://forums.eyesonff.com/general-chat/138107-backfire.html)You'll have to eat it lying prostrate-o
Because it'll be full ... of crappy potatoes....

Toe of frog and sprig of thyme
I'm finding it hard to complete these rhymes
So let's just make your sammich short & sweet
I'll give you a place to store your meat.

You guys tell me when you want the round to end. If I have to read another one of those, I might not be able to endure much more.

[sharkythesharkdogg]

I agree with Jake, this is about all the torture any of us can stand. I suppose now it's time to expose that my match made in intarwebz heaven is a mouth breathing 4um tr0ll that reeks of ferret and sauerkraut.

I suppose I'll go with contest B.

Contestants A and C, thanks for all the abuse. Your answers were also quite amusing.

DD, if you ever drag me into another one of these I'll beat you to death with a fucking tire iron.

[demondude]

So Sharky has selected Contestant B. Sorry Contestants A&C, your personalities were too horrendous for somebody doing internet dating. Better luck next time Laddy and Northernchaosgod!


I am thrilled to announce, Sharky, that you will be taking out our wonderful fire_of_avalon. What a catch! Now usually we'd leave you two alone but because the involvement of the Eyeson community has been so productive so far, we're going to help you along on the date. I'll just go make the thread. I feel proud of you, big man. x

[Laddy]

http://i392.photobucket.com/albums/pp8/Pickledkitty-Larry/FOREVER-ALONE.jpg

[fire_of_avalon]

I don't smell like sauerkraut!

EDIT: Or ferret! (Had to check first, though.)

[Clo]

I'll participate. But someone's going to have to remind me on FB in two days that you all still exist.

[demondude]

I'll be taking a temporary absence soon so if somebody want to be a Love Guru for a round then give me the heads up. All you have to do is be an arsehole to the contestants - very much my specialty.

[Remon]

Wow he picked the woman :D

[sharkythesharkdogg]

Holy crap, I actually picked a woman! How you doin'? :smug:

Holy crap a woman actually volunteered for this! Time to go marinate in aftershave for a few hours and then borrow my dad's best suit. The pant legs are a little short on me, and the undershirt is too big, but I'll make it work. I look good in plaid, right?

A quick review of my favorites.



If I were a flower ... I would be a field of forget-me-nots so that when I blow his mind he'll have a place to start the remembering process.


It may not be a flower, but honeysuckle. So I can suck my honey all night long~

^^ I thought this was Julian, now it makes more sense, but still.... :onoes:




Also, how comfortable are you with being buried alive during a particularly rambunctious session of coffin sex?


I would say, based on my previous experience, I'm fairly comfortable being in a situation where I lose all control, have a crowd gathered around me in semi-darkness, getting a little dirty and waiting for something heavy to fill my hole.

Contestants, WTF is going on with Julian's ears? Does he work part time as a radar dish?

If I was having a bad day, what creative insults would you use to kick me while I'm down? Racial slurs mean extra points. Get creative.


Julian's ears are actually an amazing example of progressive evolution. Julian and his ancestors were all members of a species we call Creepsters. The culture of these ancient hominids is quite fascinating; you see Creepsters engaged in many forms of voyeurism to report back to their "bros" about the exploits of stronger, more sexually viable males. The Creepsters would discuss what they witnessed and attempt to replicate it for themselves, thereby tricking some wayward female into continuing their less than stellar gene pool.

Julian, were he a prehistoric version of himself, with his ears, would lean against walls to report the sounds he heard back to his tribe.

Also, you think you're having a bad day? I'm the one that has to look at you.

Let's face it, this whole thing pretty much won the contest. Ba ha ha!!!



Contestants, WTF is going on with Julian's ears? Does he work part time as a radar dish?


I once heard that Julian's ears double as both wings AND as satellite radio receivers. He's one step closer to the future that is cybernetic enhancements that most of us dream about. You are a good sport, Julian.


Well someone has to listen to our sweet nothings, babe. Oh, you sly devil!


If I was having a bad day, what creative insults would you use to kick me while I'm down? Racial slurs mean extra points. Get creative.



Insults are pretty played out, so I'd just physically kick you while you were down until you passed out to start it all over again the next day.


Everyone knows the way to man's heart is through his stomach. Describe to me the ingredients you'd use to make me the perfect sandwich, and win my very desirable heart.


The perfect sandwich would be you sandwiched by me and Contestant B. If you didn't like you, you could just watch in the corner then. Well played.


Eye of newt and jack of ass
All these answers are very crass
Though you'd like a fancy lass
You'll have to settle for my sass

Wool of bat and rotten tomato
Your sandwich will includepotato
(http://forums.eyesonff.com/general-chat/138107-backfire.html)You'll have to eat it lying prostrate-o
Because it'll be full ... of crappy potatoes....

Toe of frog and sprig of thyme
I'm finding it hard to complete these rhymes
So let's just make your sammich short & sweet
I'll give you a place to store your meat.


We have some funny people around here.

The rest of us are just funny looking.

[demondude]

Aha. Switch Laddy and NCG and you have the right quotes.

[sharkythesharkdogg]

Aha. Switch Laddy and NCG and you have the right quotes.

Ahh. BRB.

[demondude]

I hope you realise that your date is in the Love Tunnel btw. Here's a tip: don't stand up her up unless you're shagging in a cubicle.

[sharkythesharkdogg]

Love tunnel? Where do you people come up with this?

[Raistlin]

I knew Contestant B was the best.

[NorthernChaosGod]

Lulz, there were two guys.

[Madonna]

And it is official: fire_of_avalon is EoFF's hottest single lady. Searing wit, babe.

[sharkythesharkdogg]

And it is official: fire_of_avalon is EoFF's hottest single lady. Searing wit, babe.

Yes, I know how to pick 'em.

[fire_of_avalon]

Shucks fellas.

[zohaib hussain]

she was hinting to you but she sounds like a slut... you did the right thing by doing nothing especially since she has a boyfriend.

[Rantz]

........................

[Pheesh]

We were all thinking it.

[NorthernChaosGod]

Did that bot just call foa a slut?

[Madonna]

Yes.

[fire_of_avalon]

...wh... I...

Aren't any of you fuckers going to defend my honor?! Do I have to do everything myself?

[NorthernChaosGod]

But you're the most badass one here.

[Raistlin]

foa does sound like a slut. DON'T LET YOURSELF BE SILENCED, BOT

[TrollHunter]

she was hinting to you but she sounds like a slut... you did the right thing by doing nothing especially since she has a boyfriend.

Am I the only one that laughed?

-cough- anyway... I'm going to go grab a weapon to defend myself with now.

[sharkythesharkdogg]

Gossip, dirty flirting, and now a jealous ex-boyfriend/bot. This fake date has it all!!!


Time to hurt myself trying to protect my girl's good name! Yo-ho!!!

[Shiny]

she was hinting to you but she sounds like a slut... you did the right thing by doing nothing especially since she has a boyfriend.
:lol: Best bot EVER.

[Christmas]

Oh gosh, now I missed my chance to get a date!!! :(

[fire_of_avalon]

I'm sure sharks is okay with sharing me, Christmas. ;]

[NorthernChaosGod]

Dammit, I'm supposed to be up next. :mad2:

[demondude]

Sharky is gonna be our next guru because quite frankly, the thought of finding some of you love is sickening to me. Sharky was an exception because I felt for the guy.

[sharkythesharkdogg]

I'm sure sharks is okay with sharing me, Christmas. ;]

:excited: I can barely handle one woman, though.


Sharky is gonna be our next guru because quite frankly, the thought of finding some of you love is sickening to me. Sharky was an exception because I felt for the guy.

I will only further ruin their lives. I'm like gasoline on a protesting monk.

[NorthernChaosGod]

Sharky is gonna be our next guru because quite frankly, the thought of finding some of you love is sickening to me. Sharky was an exception because I felt for the guy.
I thought you loved me. :(

[demondude]

You're a saturday night fuck and that's all.

[Christmas]

Sharky is gonna be our next guru because quite frankly, the thought of finding some of you love is sickening to me. Sharky was an exception because I felt for the guy.
I thought you loved me. :(

It's ok. I still care about you! :bigsmile:

RAWR~~!!!

[NorthernChaosGod]

Fuck you, DD. :nonono:

Love you, Christmas! :bigsmile:

[demondude]

Whatever. I'll have you crying tomorrow.

[NorthernChaosGod]

That's just weird, dude.

[demondude]

:kakapo:

[Jiro]

So who's going to find me a hot internet partner?

[demondude]

Sharky can find you an internet partner.

Edit: Sorry Sharks but you got usurped by a jumped up Aussie.

[Pheesh]

Sup. :cool:

So I'm going to host the next round and Dak will our dashing bachelor. We already have one contestant, any other interested suitorettes/suitors can pm me.

[Rantz]

Remember - only male contestants because gay innuendo is the funniest!

[Jiro]

I used the word partner for a reason.

[sharkythesharkdogg]

Careful Dak. I thought I found true love after this shindig, only to wake up several hours later with a tag in my ear and a radio collar around my neck.

[Melissaur]

lOlZ XD Jake you silly

[NorthernChaosGod]

Careful Dak. I thought I found true love after this shindig, only to wake up several hours later with a tag in my ear and a radio collar around my neck.
Sounds like a hell of a date.

[fire_of_avalon]

Don't let him fool you, I only do that to the ones I really like.

[sharkythesharkdogg]

I know you have trust issues and all, but I still think the tracking devices are a tad invasive.


Please don't get mad and make me "fall down the stairs" again.

[Jiro]

It's nice to keep tabs on the people you love though!

[demondude]

Great job so far, Phil.

[Pheesh]

The mountain doesn't come to Mohammad, k? If these people want to get laid so badly they had better ask to be a contestant.

Also, Jiro, you can not be a contestant for yourself so stop spamming my inbox.

[NorthernChaosGod]

Also, Jiro, you can not be a contestant for yourself so stop spamming my inbox.
Lulz. You should let him, I want to see what happens if he rejects himself.

[Jiro]

Hey you can't blame me for trying! Anyone in #tot with me that one day will know why.

[Pike]

Hey you can't blame me for trying! Anyone in #tot with me that one day will know why.

I seriously hope someone has a log of this saved somewhere so I can read it

[Melissaur]

What is said in #tot stays in #tot ;) Dak~

[demondude]

Probably sucked his own dick or something and was impressed. I can't judge him.

[sharkythesharkdogg]

What is said in #tot stays in #tot ;) Dak~


Good ol' tot. Where Sharky ruins Axle Rose. It's also where he tries to imitate Louis Armstrong and winds up sounding like a drunk Cookie Monster.

And that is where those terrible secrets shall remain, RIGHT MEL?!?!?

[NorthernChaosGod]

Dude, you sang GnR? I demand a clip.

[Pike]

What is said in #tot stays in #tot ;) Dak~


Good ol' tot. Where Sharky ruins Axle Rose.

And DD asks questions about camel rape

[Jiro]

Well aren't you curious?