EoFF Limericks

[Laddy]

There once was a guy named Jiro
Who wished to be everyone's hero
He donned on a cape
And then he went ape
What was left was less than zero

There once was a chick named Shlup
Who often shouted "Shut the hell up!"
She would spend her breaks
Addressing her aches
By downing cup after cup

There once was a girl named Pike
Who asked Jesus for a bike
She took it for a ride
Down a rail she did slide
As she fell Jesus said "Psych!"

More to come. I'll take requests.

[Pike]

I approve. :3

[APolaris]

There once was a fellow named Laddy.
The forum has driven him batty.
He watched some Star Wars
Then picked up some w****s
And Vader-intoned "Who's your daddy?"

[fire_of_avalon]

APolaris: awesome.

Laddy: awesome.

Limericks: awesome!

[Yar]

There once was a chick named foa
Who had a dick so big she could suck it

lazy limericks

[APolaris]

There once was a guy named Justy
Whose favorite hero was Rusty.
He tried to get fire
And pike to admire,
But they found his sword too crusty.

[Carl the Llama]

More to come. I'll take requests.

ME ME MEEEE!

[Jiro]

There once was a Kaiser Dragon
Who was cruisin' along in his wagon
He could breathe fire
His wings took him higher
But never would you find him braggin'

...uhh

There once was a dude called Justy
Who was known for being a bit lusty
He found him some hos
And painted their toes
But the nail polish ended up crusty

...I guess that was an improvement

There once was this robotic pony
Who everyone thought was a phony
She took out a laser
And set it to tase 'er
Then scored a game deal with Sony

...gonna quit while I'm behind

[Laddy]

There once was a dragon named Kaiser
Who fancied himself a clever miser
He robbed a few banks
And his debts surely sank
Yet now he has a prison BF named Gaizer.

[Shlup]

There once was a chick named Shlup
Who often shouted "Shut the hell up!"
She would spend her breaks
Addressing her aches
By downing cup after cup
I was drinking wine out of my Sea World mug when I read this. Now I feel awkward.

[Jiro]

There once was an alco named ShlupQuack
Who could just never wait to get back
To her mug full of wine
And have a good time
And then go and pass out in the sack

...oh man(da)

[Pike]

There once was this robotic pony
Who everyone thought was a phony
She took out a laser
And set it to tase 'er
Then scored a game deal with Sony

:jess:

[NorthernChaosGod]

Do me! :jess:

[Laddy]

Do me! :jess:
k

This is the story of a dude named NCG
Who tried to hike up a mountain not so wee
He took a bad step
And fell with much pep
Thank goodness he had pillow in his sleeve

[NorthernChaosGod]

lolwat

[Bubba]

The assassin... NorthernChaosGod
Had methods that were slightly odd
Behind you, he'd sneak
Spin you on your feet
And slap you in the face with a cod

[NorthernChaosGod]

:jess:

[Cuchulainn]

That was shockingly poor Shlup.

[Shlup]

Cuchulainn thinks too much of his dong
Clearly that poem was all wrong
You can't match my husband's prowess
Of that I am doubtless
I wouldn't touch you with a pole ten feet long

(In other words, leave my husband's penis out of your poetry.)

[Cuchulainn]

If it makes you feel any better I just needed someone who's name rhymed with 'up', wasn't a kid & wasn't hairer than me. That left only you.


PS: Nice try but thats not a true Limerick. Too many syllables, and it breaches a Limerick's strict rhyme scheme. Also, deleting my TRUE Limerick so people only see YOUR response shows your weakness. You have been bested. Walk away shamed. DO IT.

[Laddy]

There once was a lad name Cuch
Who asses he refused to smooch
He felt a joke was loaned
And he was surely owned
And looked like a bit of a douche.

Love ya, Cuch. <3

[Cuchulainn]

The structure of that is fine but the content makes no smurfing sense Laddy & looks like you were just using filler until you could say the word 'douche'. Also Cuch & douche dont really rhyme. Oblique's are not acceptable.

You have failed and have let me down.

[Shlup]

http://i.imgur.com/fzzOt.gif

[Laddy]

Laddy's Limerick to Cuch: An Analysis


There once was a lad name Cuch
This line is an introduction to the limerick, introducing the reader to the protagonist known as Cuchulainn. Cuchulainn develops a lot throughout the limerick, undergoing several intense conflicts of self-understanding and purpose.


Who asses he refused to smooch
Introducing the concept of the limerick as a tragedy, this line highlights the protagonist Cuch's major flaw: his biting humor. He oftentimes tries to use "shock" humor to present himself as particularly witty, a trait admirable in moderation but...


He felt a joke was loaned
Ultimately, this line represents the beginning of the end. Cuch will push his luck too far, trying to create a joke and hope humor presents itself. The antagonist, Shlup, is the butt of a limerick insulting her husband's penis. Cuch's passion and intensity for deprecating humor reaches a fever pitch, snowballing into a monster he created and yet cannot control, a Frankenstein crafting his own literary monster.


And he was surely owned
Much like MacBeth, Cuchulainn could not conquer all and was cut down by the sharp tongue of Shlup. His tragic flaw had proven to be a harsher mistress than any ShlupQuack.


And looked like a bit of a douche.
This line ultimately fulfills the criteria for a tragedy. Cuchulainn not only realizes his mistakes, but accepts them. Realizing somethings are better left untouched, Cuch looks foolish to the esteemed members of the EoFF community, resulting in momentary shame. The story reaches its end; the tragedy is concluded. One knows not what happens to Cuch, but perhaps that is merely another story for another time.

There you go, I analyzed it. Makes sense?

[Cuchulainn]

For those who would like to know what my Limerick was I shall be putting it on Facebook, Twitter, various other fora (with direct links to this site as a reference). If you're not on my FB or Twitter I'd be only too happy to PM you it. I've also forwarded the words to a few music producers I know who are making a dubstep track with the lyrics as I type.

























OF COURSE IM NOT YOU FOOLS


EDIT to Laddy. Those lines don't even HINT and the explainations given. Very Poor. Loaned? Behave yourself.

[Raistlin]

I'm actually surprised Shlup deleted that. I saw it earlier, and I'm sure I've said worse things about her over the years. Maybe she's getting soft in her decrepit age (much like her boobs).

Also, here's a past dirty limericks thread (forums.eyesonff.com/writers-corner/128555-dirty-limerick-thread-p.html). Some of them involved EoFFers!

[Cuchulainn]

As much as I'm loathed to defend someone who deletes my posts & then posts up their own responses for everyone to waggle thyeir tongues at. I may be forced to say that if I'd just been insulting her it may have remained but as I insulted her betrothed, it went. I could be wrong.

AND IM SORRY LADDY YOUR LIMERICK STILL DOESNT MAKE ANY SENSE. I'm honestly trying to tie up yyour lines with your explainations and despite your mutual rep love in with Shlup....THEY DONT FUCKING MATCH.

There once was a lad name Cuch

I'm still here, once implies the person existed in the past.


Who asses he refused to smooch

Your explaination for this does not tie in with the line. Sorry.

He felt a joke was loaned

This is the worst of the lot. What joke was loaned? Who loaned who a joke? Did they get it back? Your explaination has nothing to do with this


And he was surely owned

How can anyone say this as you can only see one limerick?

And looked like a bit of a douche.

The only agreeable thing in that vague nonsense

[Shlup]

Just leave my sweet bubble pumpkin out of it. He's so sweet an innocent watching How It's Made and eating the sandwich I made for him.

ETA: There, I edited the original limerick as a compromise.

[APolaris]

no big.

That's what he said. *points to cuch*

[Cuchulainn]

I will not have something so poor attached to my name.

And Polsrisperson. I did not say her husband's penis was small, I stated it didnt work.

[Madame Adequate]

There was a young lad named Jules
Who found himself always accused
Of lecherous acts
And quite lacking in tact;
But in fact he's an impotent mule!

There was a young man named Steve
Who could never really believe
That his fetish for poo
Was highly taboo
So watch out or your leavings he'll thieve!

There was a young lady called Pike
Who lamented the fall of the Reich
She signed up to Stormfront
To give Semites a punt
Though such violence is unladylike!

Edit:
There was a young man named Steve
Who found it hard to be brief
And he consequently became renowned for writing some extremely long posts that tended to ramble on and on and on even when everyone else had long since stopped paying attention and not even people as stubborn as Wesley could be bothered to wade through it all because dear god I know London's in dire straits right now but surely the man can afford a few commas and full stops and okay maybe it would be a bit much to splurge on multiple paragraphs but seriously he could have at least looted something useful back when things were kicking off couldn't he well I suppose that would be encouraging it but what if he won the lottery instead would he buy some then I doubt it if he won a massive amount on the lottery something like Euro-Millions roll over where the prize is like £120m then I guess he would probably first of all pass out with shock, that or actually piss his pants but it'd be cool because he could either pay for a hot private nurse to come take care of him or buy new pants. Perhaps he'd do both ;p Second of all he'd buy a nice apartment somewhere cool in London. As much as he hates the city, it's home so a nice docklands/central penthouse would be awesome, if he's going to live in this city he wants to have as much style as possible. Third he'd pay for my motorbike and car driving licenses and buy himself a nice motorbike in the 600cc range (no point getting anything bigger if you live in a city) and a damn nice car, thinking something along the lines of an Aston Martin or Lotus Elise, probably the latter because it's sexy as hell, small and yet awesome for a 2-seater. After he kitted out my London apartment he'd buy a nice house for his dear old mum, A decent five bedroom house for his sister and her kids and he'd buy his brother his own place.
Mind you that's all part of his charm really isn't it bless him we mock him day in day out but do we ever stop to think about what we would do without him I mean he just goes on and on and on endlessly about things like how he played some Ace Combat 6 instead this weekend, Ace Combat 6 was pretty impressive, he doubts however he will ever get all the achievements in the game, mostly because they involve some ridiculous amounts of multi-player and unfortunately last time he entered that there was hardly any games available apart from when he and JK-Trix went on and did the co-op missions together. Thankfully Dan has also picked up a copy so they can blitz stuff together on this. He has now completed the campaign using only attacker craft, dog fighting 64 - 2 in an A-10 thunderbolt mk2 is nigh on impossible but somehow he did it. The final mission was in a way, both easier and harder than he anticipated on that, using a Tornado jet bomber he was able to basically circle around the Chandelier and destroy piece by piece only breaking the loop briefly to dive down the maw of it's loading system to get the cruise missiles they were preparing to load in. He is currently flying through the game on Ace difficulty. He's mostly scored S ranks though to be fair he is using the most hax plane of them all the CFA-44 Nosferatu with the ADDM system (18 missiles each with 12 individual lock-on markers, targets can be air or ground or mixed between the two, each detonation is similar to the Nimbus cruise missiles used against you in that they basically will kill anything in one hit)
When he stops talking it's a short-lived reprieve!

[APolaris]

No, no, no. This will not do.


The lim'ricks of I'm My Own MILF
(Aside from the wording - great filth!)
Were loose with their rhyme,
Lacked metrical time,
And... what the hell else rhymes with MILF?

[NorthernChaosGod]

There was a young lad named Jules
Who found himself always accused
Of lecherous acts
And quite lacking in tact;
But in fact he's an impotent mule!
Wonderful! :jess:

Great Steve one. :lol:

[Raistlin]

The "alternate" Iceglow limerick wins the thread. I didn't even read 99% of it, which is doubly appropriate because nobody actually reads his posts either.

[Shlup]

Half off-topic, I am finding this limerick-form Creation vs. Evolution debate (http://www.reddit.com/r/DebateAChristian/comments/l4b73/creationism_vs_evolution_limerick_style/) entertaining.

[NorthernChaosGod]

The "alternate" Iceglow limerick wins the thread. I didn't even read 99% of it, which is doubly appropriate because nobody actually reads his posts either.
I had barely opened the spoiler before choking on some soda.

[APolaris]

I wonder if Joyce ever wrote limericks.

[Yar]

I once wondered into chat,
and told a guy I thought he was fat.
He was quite frugal,
and his handle was Roogle
And that is the end of that!

[Rantz]

Uncontrollable was she, our foa
she knew how, by sheer will, to grow a
bulbaceous beard
but she had it all sheared
so she could become Rocky Balboa