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Shlup
11-18-2011, 09:16 PM
Yes I went to the midnight show. Bed-breaking sex, demon pregnancy, blood-filled sippy cups, spine breakage, babies that bite--I've been waiting for this movie for years.

While the quality of the story will always be up for debate, the film is an excellent adaptation of the book. The director knew what the fans wanted, and I daresay it's both sexier and more gruesome than the text.

All of my favorite moments were in it. There was tons of awkward giggling. And the wigs finally looked like actual hair.

I liked this movie much more than the book.

Jessweeee♪
11-18-2011, 09:20 PM
Part one got past the spine breaking part? So uh, does this mean Part 2 will actually have some sort of conflict besides the bad guys going "oh okay I guess we'll all just go home then." Because as I recall that is literally all that happens afterwards xD

NorthernChaosGod
11-18-2011, 09:20 PM
I liked this movie much more than the book.
I don't see how anyone could not; they cut up all the bad parts of Meyer's writing and leave only the important elements.

Were you surrounded by giggling teenage girls?

chionos
11-18-2011, 09:33 PM
Yes I went to the midnight show. Bed-breaking sex, demon pregnancy, blood-filled sippy cups, spine breakage, babies that bite--I've been waiting for this movie for years.

While the quality of the story will always be up for debate, the film is an excellent adaptation of the book. The director knew what the fans wanted, and I daresay it's both sexier and more gruesome than the text.

All of my favorite moments were in it. There was tons of awkward giggling. And the wigs finally looked like actual hair.

I liked this movie much more than the book.

By this do you mean that the movie is nothing like the book? Because that's the only thing that could make the movie an excellent adaptation. And I'm not just a hater. I tried.

Shlup
11-18-2011, 10:11 PM
Part one got past the spine breaking part? So uh, does this mean Part 2 will actually have some sort of conflict besides the bad guys going "oh okay I guess we'll all just go home then." Because as I recall that is literally all that happens afterwards xD
It ended where everyone seemed to assume it would end. In fact, it ended with the exact shot I guessed that it would when they first announced they were splitting it into two movies. A close-up of Bella's eyes opening red.

I didn't think they'd put in the spine breaking, but they did, and it was far more brutal than I pictured it in the book. My face, it was horrified.

There's a scene in the middle of the credits that sets up the next movie. I still can't imagine anything interesting really happening in the next movie, since nothing interesting happens in the book, but the director managed to take the best parts of the first half and turn it into something pretty good sooo...



I liked this movie much more than the book.
I don't see how anyone could not; they cut up all the bad parts of Meyer's writing and leave only the important elements.
If you read the first three books and watch the first three movies, you will see exactly how several people could not. The first movie was bad, and the second and third were probably about as good as the books.


Were you surrounded by giggling teenage girls?
I was surrounded by giggling adult women. Though I couldn't much hear them over my own giggling.


By this do you mean that the movie is nothing like the book? Because that's the only thing that could make the movie an excellent adaptation. And I'm not just a hater. I tried.
I didn't say that the movie was good, I said that it was an excellent adaptation of the book. There's a distinct difference there.

chionos
11-18-2011, 10:45 PM
I've read the books (because I was a librarian and felt it necessary) and seen the movies so far (because I like exploring how books translate to the screen) and each time I was disappointed that the movies didn't stray further from the books. I don't know how I would take the movies without the context of anti-twilight hatred touted by most guys (whether honest or a product of social inertia). Meyer's vampires aren't any more melodramatic (the element of the books/movies other than sparkliness most often cited as evidence of poor quality, and I choose to ignore the sparkling as non-existent as darkness in the hearts of man) than Anne Rice's vampires. From your description of the movie, it sounds like it's darker than before, so it may happen that I don't retch upon seeing it. I honestly hope so. Spine breaking and babies that bite are always cool. As is bed breaking sex. And only one of these things I can experience on my own.


Yes, babies that bite.

NorthernChaosGod
11-18-2011, 11:07 PM
I liked this movie much more than the book.
I don't see how anyone could not; they cut up all the bad parts of Meyer's writing and leave only the important elements.
If you read the first three books and watch the first three movies, you will see exactly how several people could not. The first movie was bad, and the second and third were probably about as good as the books.
I happened to think the first movie was far superior to the first book. It took out all the shitty writing, a lot of the awkward dialogue and most of the fucking descriptions of Ed's Adonis-like physique. I think anything would be better when you cut out the purple prose.



Were you surrounded by giggling teenage girls?
I was surrounded by giggling adult women. Though I couldn't much hear them over my own giggling.
It was one or the other.

Shlup
11-18-2011, 11:23 PM
Okay, one could consider the first movie better than the first book. But only because the first book is so bad. The special effects in the first one are unbearable.

Miriel
11-19-2011, 12:19 AM
I thought this review of the movie by Entertainment Weekly was hilarious: The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn--Part 1 Review | Movie Reviews and News | Fall Movies - Calendar, Trailers, Movie Photos, Movie Clips, Movie Guide | EW.com (http://www.ew.com/ew/article/0,,20483133_20518825,00.html)

How bad are Kristen Stewart's facial tics/verbal stuttering in this movie? I want to see the birth scene, but I don't think I can handle an entire movie of Stewarts, lip chewing and mumbling.

NorthernChaosGod
11-19-2011, 01:04 AM
Okay, one could consider the first movie better than the first book. But only because the first book is so bad. The special effects in the first one are unbearable.
Lol. So are the effects a lot better now?

Chris
11-19-2011, 01:06 AM
I hate how I will most likely force myself to go see this one, as I did with the others - liking it in the process.

Shlup
11-19-2011, 01:13 AM
She's still all constantly flustered and mumbly, of course, but there's definitely less frantic blinking, and her mouth is closed a higher percentage of the time than in previous movies.

I read the review you posted, but, honestly, I can't stand it when reviewers get all high-horse about "messages" and "morals." Yes, the overall moral of the Twilight Saga isn't dandy, but tit like "this series teaches girls that having a baby will kill you" is such a gross exaggeration that it's just irritating. For such a shallow interpretation of a story to not make me want to slap the author, it has to be a lot more humorous than that wank.

http://www.unbrokensky.sweet-redemption.net/gifs/off-kelly-whatevsloser.gif



Okay, one could consider the first movie better than the first book. But only because the first book is so bad. The special effects in the first one are unbearable.
Lol. So are the effects a lot better now?

Yeah, I thought the effects in the second and third ones were fine too. It's hard to make a character move all super fast without it looking stupid. And I like it when fight scenes do the fast-slomo-fast-slomo-fast-slomo thing, which they did a lot in the second one.

Miriel
11-19-2011, 01:56 AM
Eh, I agree 100% with Lisa Schwarzbaum (whose reviews I generally agree with). The moral messages in Twilight ARE overt, and on almost all levels, disturbing.

I mean, I can read these books and watch these movies with the knowledge that all this is just SO screwed up and be able to laugh at the ridiculousness. But it creeps me the smurf out that my little pre-teen cousins gobble this stuff up and don't view Bella Swan and Edward with the appropriate level of disgust.

Shlup
11-19-2011, 02:17 AM
I think their relationship in general is a horrible thing to idealize. It's this part that bugged me:
What we learn in this all-pain/no-pleasure episode is that marriage feels like a life sentence, weddings are miserable events, honeymoon sex is dangerous and leaves a bride covered in bruises, and pregnancy is a torment that leads to death in exchange for birth. Also, during pregnancy, families fight like werewolves and vampires.
Those kinds of shallow over generalizations, where the reviewer ignores every moment that contradicts their cynical view, bug me. Unless it's funny, and not just snarky. At their wedding they were all happy and kissy and in love. The honeymoon sex was dangerous because he's a fictional creature with weird control issues. That kind of pettiness discredits the actual poor moral of the story: Bella and Edward's extreme co-dependency issues being treated as hot and romantic. Which they are, but kids certainly don't need to be internalizing that as having anything to do with reality.

It's stupid and it bugs me. Just like when people go off on movies like Beauty and the Beast with "Oh, just another movie about a guy falling for a girl just because she's pretty--soooo sexist," and neglecting the part where Belle is kind and patient and well-read and wins him over by demanding better behavior of him. Yeah, it's still fucked up that she falls in love with a guy who's holding her prisoner, but people would rather being nit-picky bullshitters than pay attention to what's actually happening.

You hit one of my pet peeves, Miriel. :mymelbert:

Miriel
11-19-2011, 07:18 AM
I don't want to live in a world where ANY level of snarkiness towards Twilight isn't applauded.

Bubba
11-19-2011, 11:45 AM
My ex-flatmate used to watch the first film every day. Every. Single. Day. I didn't think the first film was that bad actually... I can definitely see the appeal.

Then I read a couple of chapters of one of the books... I would rather eat my own feet than be exposed to that level of literature again.

chionos
11-19-2011, 06:30 PM
My ex-flatmate used to watch the first film every day. Every. Single. Day. I didn't think the first film was that bad actually... I can definitely see the appeal.

Then I read a couple of chapters of one of the books... I would rather eat my own feet than be exposed to that level of literature again.

I am of the opinion that you give it too much credit by referring to it as "literature." :barf:

I honestly don't understand the appeal when there are superior supernatural book series and shows and movies that don't get as much attention. I know what the appeal is, I just don't understand it.

Marshall Banana
11-20-2011, 11:45 AM
Ahahahahahah djslkfj asdhjf asdjfsldf j

I was entertained.

Edit: The Cullens have the same trash in their kitchen can as Jeremy and me.

Edit #2: Ahahaha, I didn't realize at first that I didn't type the above statement like that.

Cuchulainn
11-21-2011, 12:34 PM
Proof, if any was need, that great authorship & great films, cannot, should not, ever be measured in mass appeal.

Jiro
11-21-2011, 03:11 PM
I just want to know if that one asian guy gets any screen time. He's my favourite character.

Apart from the Romanians. Do we see the Romanian vampires? Those guys are just so awesome. They're all "we just want a fight". When the "battle" is resolved peacefully and everybody celebrates, the Romanians are all pissed because they just wanted to kill shit. I can get behind characters like that.

Cuchulainn
11-21-2011, 03:34 PM
Dak are you 100% certain that you're not a teenage girl?

NorthernChaosGod
11-21-2011, 04:19 PM
He is pretty like one. :bigsmile:

Cuchulainn
11-22-2011, 02:31 AM
true, true

Shlup
11-22-2011, 02:35 AM
I just want to know if that one asian guy gets any screen time. He's my favourite character.

Apart from the Romanians. Do we see the Romanian vampires? Those guys are just so awesome. They're all "we just want a fight". When the "battle" is resolved peacefully and everybody celebrates, the Romanians are all pissed because they just wanted to kill tit. I can get behind characters like that.
The Asian kid doesn't get any lines that I recall. The high school humans get a couple of funny moments during the wedding, but then they're gone forever... :cry:

The Romanians aren't around yet.

Jessweeee♪
11-22-2011, 03:29 AM
Bella's human friends are the best characters in the series!

And I don't mean that in a "haw haw everybody in Twilight sucks" kind of way!

Raistlin
11-22-2011, 06:17 AM
I think their relationship in general is a horrible thing to idealize. It's this part that bugged me:
What we learn in this all-pain/no-pleasure episode is that marriage feels like a life sentence, weddings are miserable events, honeymoon sex is dangerous and leaves a bride covered in bruises, and pregnancy is a torment that leads to death in exchange for birth. Also, during pregnancy, families fight like werewolves and vampires.

I... have to side with Shlup on this. That's a pretty week criticism for such a shitty series with a whole shitton of disturbing premises to criticize: relationships, sex, etc. The rest of the review is entirely accurate, though. I laughed at her summary of the honeymoon sex:


''I'm hurting you!'' Edward groans with guilt. ''No. It's. Good,'' says Bella, wincing.

I'm not sure a better parody could be produced.

Miriel
11-22-2011, 12:09 PM
I'm watching it right now, and oh my god that "sex" scene. WORST SEX SCENE EVER!

So awkward and lame! All those horny middle aged Moms must have been so disappointed. You can see racier stuff than that on ABC Family.

Shlup
11-22-2011, 09:18 PM
:mymelbert:

Crop
11-23-2011, 12:23 AM
I'm watching it right now, and oh my god that "sex" scene. WORST SEX SCENE EVER!

So awkward and lame! All those horny middle aged Moms must have been so disappointed.

Yes we were.

Jiro
11-23-2011, 03:24 PM
Dak are you 100% certain that you're not a teenage girl?

No.

DMKA
11-27-2011, 12:21 AM
Like all the other ones, the plot is stupid and the dialog is laughable. But as far as aesthetics and cinematic value go, each Twilight film does better than the last, and this was no exception.

I've never read the books, but the people who I went with to see it, as well as people I overheard while walking out, all were basically saying "what the hell are they going to make a whole other two hour movie about?" as apparently there's not much left to happen aside of verbal build up to a battle that ends up not happening.

I think it's safe to say doing two films off the last book in this case was pretty unnecessary. They just wanted to copy Harry Potter. :p

Jessweeee♪
11-27-2011, 02:16 AM
If anyone cares to know, this is what happens in the remainder of the book as best as I remember it:


Bella and Jacob speculate that the reason Jacob loved her is because all along he was meant to have a place in her family. (In other words, he wasn't in love with Bella, he was in love with her ovaries?)
Bella quickly recovers from the birth 'cause of her new super awesome vampire powers and she and Edward run around the forest a lot and have tons of vampire sex. Emmet and Rosalie talk about collateral damage.
Renesmee has the power to show people images in their head or something. Also she's growing up super fast.
Some new vampire character is introduced and he has a special power that tells him what other people's special powers are. He's all like, "wow you guys all have super cool powers one of you is even a shield!" and everyone is like "wtf who is the shield" and it turns out Bella is the shield! The new guy, whose name I forget, goes on about different types of powers and explains that the reason Bella was unaffected by certain powers, such as Edward's mind reading, is because she has a barrier around her.
Also the Volturi or whatever are coming because someone thought Renesmee was a human child turned into a vampire and went and tattled. The Volturi decide they are going to kill the Cullens and company as punishment.
Bella learns how to manipulate her shield powers so she can make a barrier around everybody instead of just herself. Lots of vampires and werewolves come over to help fight the Volturi. Lots of army building and training and tit.
The Volturi arrive, realize Renesmee is actually just half vampire and then they kill the snitch that told them otherwise. Then some other dude who is half vampire like Renesmee explains that she'll grow up really fast until her body is like twenty-ish, and then stay that way forever. The Volturi are like "well okay that's cool we guess" and then they go home.
Edward and Bella resume vampire sex.
The end!

Shlup
11-27-2011, 03:05 AM
That's the gist of it, yeah. the chick who tattles is the chick who was all "They killed Laurant!" at the wedding. Werewolves (which they finally admit, in the book at least, are not really werewolves--they are shape shifters) also suddenly have the power to age slowly, so Jacob can be with his darling for... longer than otherwise possible. And Alice is gone for most of the time, without telling anyone where she's going. Turns out she's searching for another of Renesmee's kind, to show the Volturi and prove she isn't a full vampire child.

I look forward to seeing how they manipulate the story in an attempt to make it interesting, 'cause the book after the baby is born is boring. Other than the constant sex.

Shiny
11-27-2011, 08:48 AM
These films would be so much better with an R rating. Censorship ruined Eclipse and it probably ruined Breaking Dawn (haven't seen it). You really can't do a vampire werewolf movie justice without gore and violent sex. Considering most of their audience seems to be haggard old women, they should just make the last one R and stop being pansies.

charliepanayi
11-27-2011, 11:14 AM
These films would be so much better with an R rating. Censorship ruined Eclipse and it probably ruined Breaking Dawn (haven't seen it). You really can't do a vampire werewolf movie justice without gore and violent sex. Considering most of their audience seems to be haggard old women, they should just make the last one R and stop being pansies.

I think it was less censorship that ruins the Twilight films and more them being based on the Twilight books.

Laddy
11-27-2011, 08:28 PM
I never want to again find myself ever watching these poorly written, poorly acted, and poorly directed excuses for film.

Twilight is no more different than the vast majority of smutty romance novels, it's just the first one to be treated with any sense of respect or dignity.

Probably the best reason I can say Twilight is bad "literature": I have never been given a good thorough analysis of Edward and Bella as characters.