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Hollycat
12-19-2011, 08:43 PM
For those of you who don't know how to play, here is how this game works:
I will make a wish, and the next poster will grant it in a way that is unexpected or negative!
Then after that you write your own wish and the cycle begins again.

I wish I was a pokemon

Agent Proto
12-19-2011, 08:53 PM
You turn into a Magikarp that has swallowed an Everstone, meaning you can never evolve into a Gyarados.

I wish I have won the lottory!

NeoCracker
12-19-2011, 09:08 PM
You win the lottery only to be suspect or rigging it, thus revoking your claim to cash and suffering a time apprpriate punishement in jail where you become very 'close' with Bubba. And by that i mean you're his bitch.

I wish the ending of Deus Ex didn't' suck.

Hollycat
12-19-2011, 09:52 PM
granted, the ending of Deus Ex is now the most glorious thing ever made by man, so glorious in fact that it has the god like effect of burning your eyes out instantaneous even when viewed through smoked glass, sunglasses, a mirror and nearly headless nick.

I wish for a date with emma watson

NorthernChaosGod
12-19-2011, 09:54 PM
Granted, but your penis falls off and you end up blowing your brains out because you can't have sex.

I wish I had more Scotch.

Værn
12-19-2011, 10:43 PM
You're unable to open the bottle.

I wish for a lawyer who can prevent my wish from being corrupted.

G13
12-20-2011, 02:35 AM
Granted.

http://static.tvfanatic.com/images/gallery/sam-lloyd-as-ted-buckland.jpg

I wish I was little bit taller. I wish I was a baller. I wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her. I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat and a '64 Impala.

Agent Proto
12-20-2011, 04:49 AM
You grow an unnoticeable inch taller. However your other wishes were denied because you used up your only wish to be a little bit taller.

I wish I could join the Ghostbusters team.

Laddy
12-20-2011, 04:59 AM
You did. I trust you bought your Comic Con ticket and outfit yet? No? Too bad. :(

I wish I was the Most Interesting Man In The World.

Hollycat
12-20-2011, 05:11 AM
granted, you are sent 10 million years into the future where you are now the only human left, so the slug people put you in a zoo and feed you pellets

blackmage_nuke
12-20-2011, 09:28 AM
granted, you are sent 10 million years into the future where you are now the only human left, so the slug people put you in a zoo and feed you pellets

Granted you cease to exist because you didnt make a wish

I wish that this wish does not get ironically twisted on me

Bubba
12-20-2011, 01:58 PM
Granted. Although... you've now just wasted your only wish. So instead of having riches beyond your wildest dreams you just have jack-all.

I wish the ring had never come to me...

TrollHunter
12-20-2011, 08:42 PM
Golumn takes the ring to free you of such a burden, but he bites your fingers off and takes it to Mount Doom.

I wish I had big luscious melons. Water-melons preferably.

Hollycat
12-20-2011, 09:48 PM
granted, however, due to the double entendre of the first part of your wish, they have been implanted in your chest permanently. Unfortunately, they are both of different sizes, the larger being the blue medal winner at the texas state fair and the other being bought from Peter Griffin.

I wish I was a viera.

NeoCracker
12-20-2011, 10:41 PM
Granted, but why would you want to be a non-sentient TV?

"Panasonic VIERA TVs combine high picture quality, smart networking, environmental friendliness, and stylish design. They also offer a wide product range and the ability to network with many other devices through features like VIERA Link, the VIERA Image Viewer, and VIERA Connect. This site provides a wealth of detailed information on VIERA products."

I wish people would stop using the term Baller and Balla.

Sylvie
12-20-2011, 11:20 PM
People stop using the terms "Baller" and "Balla", but once our decade ends, it becomes retro, and kids start using it three-fold. And worst part is, you're the neighborhood "baller".

I wish that I could compact myself into a small polygon and travel through a wormhole of my own creation.

Quindiana Jones
12-21-2011, 02:48 AM
Granted, but something happens and you end up in the Farscape universe and... well, you're in the Farscape universe. What the frell?!

I wish Simon didn't have to travel back in time and fulfill the Romeo and Juliet-esque storyline of Misfits. :(

Bubba
12-22-2011, 09:48 AM
Granted. But without completing the "Romeo and Juliet" scenario, Simon creates an alternate reality in which none of the cast acquire any special powers of any kind... and two of them end up on the Sex Offenders List.

I wish I had the ability to control the weather.

Hollycat
12-22-2011, 08:43 PM
granted, however, when you are sleeping the wheather has no one to tell it what to do, so it goes on a rampage, leaving you only the choices of letting the world burn (or drown in the case of egypt) or replacing your blood with pure caffeine.

I wish I was a viera from ff, but lived on earth.

FFIX Choco Boy
12-23-2011, 12:13 AM
Granted, but since you're the only one, you won't be having any "special time" with another Viera girl. Also, you're a viera from FFTA, so you look like a plus sign from above.

I wish i had a chocobo of my own.

fire_of_avalon
12-23-2011, 02:54 AM
It gets hit by a car.

I wish for an uncorruptable wish.

Pant Leg Eater from the Bad World
12-23-2011, 04:26 AM
Granted, but uncorruptable isn't a word, so your wish is null and void.

I wish I could turn into a tiger.

Agent Proto
12-23-2011, 04:33 AM
Granted. You are then immediately captured, neutered, and now reside inside a cage of a zoo.

I wish I could discover a new species in my backyard.

FFIX Choco Boy
12-23-2011, 04:45 AM
Granted, but it's not the backyard you were thinking about. Now go get yourself tested. For all kinds of things.

I wish I had more gil for Triple Triad.

Sylvie
12-24-2011, 01:41 AM
You have more gil for Triple Triad, but then EoFF gets DDoS'd by a secret group of terrorists who were planning it in a DALNet IRC channel. (Ho ho ho, Psychotic, get in here. :-*)

I wish I were a hermaphrodite.

Tigmafuzz
12-25-2011, 07:54 AM
You become a hermaphrodite, but then live the rest of your life wishing you hadn't wished you were a hermaphrodite, because right after your wish was granted your entire city decided to go insane and start beating hermaphrodites with crowbars. And to make sure that I've said hermaphrodite at least 6 times in this post, I'm going to say hermaphrodite one more time: hermaphrodite.

I wish everything bad in the entire universe would happen to me and nobody else but me.

Hollycat
12-25-2011, 04:55 PM
Granted, unfortunately one of the bad things is that everyone in the universe is turned into whomever is effected by the bad thing, so you. In other words you just wished that every living creature in the universe go through infinite torture forever.


I wish money was never invented

Tigmafuzz
12-25-2011, 05:12 PM
Granted. People never grew civilized to the point where they were trading things of equal value, yet they somehow developed the scientific proficiency to develop nuclear weapons regardless. Somebody went crazy and launched every single nuke at the same time, and blew up the whole world.
I wish I wish I was a fish.

NeoCracker
12-25-2011, 09:48 PM
Alright your a fish. I'd try to corrupt it, but why bother? You're already a pathetic, lowlife fish. What else could I do to you at that point that life already hasn't?

I wish Stephen Hawkings condition was cured.

Bubba
12-25-2011, 10:26 PM
Granted. The world is cured of Motor Neuron Disease. However, Stephen Hawking then uses his new found verbal linguistic talents to convince the entire world's population to constantly wear tweed jackets. Subsequently, the fashion industry is destroyed. Models and designers then run riot across the world forcing innocent people to wear clothes and then photographing them. The government then passes an extreme law executing everyone who has ever been photographed ever. 99.99% of the world's population are killed leaving only the executioners. They realise they are the only people left on the planet and decide to cheer themselves up by forming a backgammon league. The rest of the world's population dies of boredom. Happy with your wish now are you? Eh?!!

I wish I was in prison

Tigmafuzz
12-26-2011, 08:50 AM
Granted. You're in prison. With Bubba /smug
I wish I gained power from the sun, like Birdman or Superman, minus the ability to fly.

Hollycat
12-26-2011, 07:04 PM
granted, but unfortunately the suns rays do not penetrate to the basement where you reside, so you are stuck there forever.

I wish everyone was a brony

Tigmafuzz
12-26-2011, 07:10 PM
Granted. But now everyone in the world is a brony. That's pretty horrible in and of itself. So everyone in the world realizes how horrible their taste in tv shows is and creates one giant noose to hang themselves from.

I wish I had a magical journal, in which anything that is written comes true, and the phrase "There can be no negative repercussions from using this journal" is the first thing written in it.

fire_of_avalon
12-26-2011, 08:00 PM
The journal absorbs all the ink laid to it within a few days and, thusly, anything created through use of the journal subsequently disappears as well.

I wish someone would go to the trash dump for me.

Bubba
12-26-2011, 08:35 PM
Granted. But the person who takes your trash to the dump is a mass murderer. Along with your trash he takes an extra bag... containing your mutilated body.

I wish I could find the thread on tonight's Ciddies

NeoCracker
12-26-2011, 10:41 PM
Granted. You stumble into the room containing all the Ciddies too find a single thread atop the head of one.

And Award Guy kills you for breaking into his closet and waking him up.

I wish The next Final Fantasy Main character was a Cactaur.

Hollycat
12-26-2011, 11:43 PM
granted, I am.


I wish to know my true love.

Tigmafuzz
12-27-2011, 04:16 AM
Granted. It's Julian :kakapo:
I wish I was made of cheese.

Hollycat
12-27-2011, 04:22 AM
Granted. It's Julian :kakapo:
I wish I was made of cheese.

https://encrypted-tbn2.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQuyLUNHf_Y5VjGEigVr2QiO0SiQ_xGxQW6Oln08ZGY_iuAHFV9kQ

Tigmafuzz
12-27-2011, 05:20 AM
/smug

Sylvie
12-27-2011, 06:39 AM
Granted. However, since you're now only able to speak in yellow faces, unable to play by the rules, you end up :bou::bou::bou::bou::bou:ing the whole flow of the game up.

I wish I were punishing you.

Also you're now made out of cheese and a bunch of British claymation characters fund a space project entailing plans to liberate you for snack food. Don't you wish you chose to be a pair of bionic pants?

Tigmafuzz
12-27-2011, 06:46 AM
HC broke the rules first.
And no, I don't. I wish I were BoB's pants.

Sylvie
12-27-2011, 06:49 AM
You're :bou::bou::bou::bou::bou:ing everything up again by not granting my wish.

Tigmafuzz
12-27-2011, 07:07 AM
I know. Isn't it wonderful? Because, you see, punishment is my passion. So... yeah.

Sylvie
12-27-2011, 07:20 AM
I'll repeat:

I wish I were punishing you.

NorthernChaosGod
12-27-2011, 08:04 AM
Granted, but he likes it and thinks you like him. :p

I wish I had a better car.

Sylvie
12-27-2011, 08:51 AM
You have a better car, but then traffic takes to hovercraft and space shuttles. Your car won't be of any use.

I wish I were really cool

Værn
12-27-2011, 08:57 AM
You become about 20° cooler, then die from hypothermia.

I wish for a wireless card that isn't an ancient piece of junk.

Quindiana Jones
12-27-2011, 02:59 PM
Granted, but due to your hyper-futuristic device, it creates its own sentience and adds lasers to itself. It then burns your eyes out.

I wish I could find this fucking spanner.

Jiro
12-27-2011, 03:03 PM
you find a spaner but it's too big :hahaha:

I wish for two booze glass thet never end :d

Hollycat
12-27-2011, 03:36 PM
Granted, unfortunately for you, he's a masochist and in your attempt to punish him things get out of hand and you accidentally strangle him to death with a rope made from your backhair.


I wish for the ability to fly and the ability to land.

NeoCracker
12-28-2011, 01:52 AM
Granted, but you only have this ability while chained to a giant boulder with a three inch chain.

I wish all of your girlfriends were hot like me. :smug:

Sylvie
12-28-2011, 01:27 PM
Wish granted. I become primarily interested in cock.

I wish I had a bear costume so I could stage a really campy anti-drug-campaign-with-a-skateboarding-bear seminar at my local skate park.

fire_of_avalon
12-29-2011, 12:15 AM
You do so and it works. The local skate-park becomes deserted because there are no more semi-covert drug deals happening. The illicit underground economic infrastructure crumbles leading to widespread poverty that cannot be ameliorated by social service programs. Crack babies starve. It's the end.

I wish I did not require sleep!

Quindiana Jones
12-29-2011, 01:27 AM
Granted, but now you're a Twilight vampire.

I wish I could design an actual Rocket Mole.

Sylvie
12-29-2011, 04:51 AM
foa, there's nothing corrupted about that wish. =

Anyway, wish granted. You design an actual Rocket Mole. It explodes.

I wish Silver Surfer was dead.

TrollHunter
12-29-2011, 06:34 AM
Granted, but upon his death hundreds upon hundreds of new horrible horrible silver surfer games are released to the public and everyone is forced to play them to respect his heroism.

I wish I was emperor of a human habitable planet and everyone obeyed me and called me Master.

Wolf Kanno
12-29-2011, 10:03 AM
Granted, but the people of your planet don't have any skills whatsoever and your planet remains undeveloped and a food shortage begins, you end up having to order them to cannibalize each other, this causes George W. Bush ends up being elected God Emperor of Earth on a campaign claiming you have weapons of mass destruction on your planet in the form of a zombie apocalypse virus, and convinces all the world powers to pull all human resources into building a space fleet that can travel to your planet and lay the smack down on you. This sudden rise in technological power garners the interest of a sentient race alien penguins who travel to Earth and end up blowing up the planet when the alien ambassador mistook a hand shake as a sexual gesture of superiority. The aliens then enslave the remains of your planet and you are forced spend the rest of your days cleaning up after their piles because the alien race spent all their resources on space travel and planet killers and thus they lack common conveniences like a toilet, TV, and video games. You try to sneak away but when you tried to use their space ship you used a planet killer that turned the planet into a black hole which sucked your escape ship in and was crushed, torn to shreds and reassembled into an alternate universe that seems suspiciously like the Care Bears world, except these Care Bears know that happiness comes from lacking a frontal cortex and thus you spend the rest of your days as a lobotomized Care Bear that helps young prepubescent kids overcome the glum of a rainy day through the power of friendship and working together.

I wished I worked at Squenix

NeoCracker
12-29-2011, 11:41 AM
Alright, you work at Squenix. You've just wished something so horrible on yourself, I don't think I need to corrupt your wish.

I mean, I could just say you clean their toilets, but would that really be a worst fate? Even after Burrito Night?

I wish bad music would stop existing.

TrollHunter
12-29-2011, 11:48 AM
Granted, but since everyones opinion of 'bad' is completely different all music in every form of it stops existing and as such all sound.

I wish people would stop being morons all the time.

Sylvie
12-29-2011, 02:19 PM
People stop being morons all the time. In fact, they all become smarter than you, and you become the only comparative moron in the world.

I wish for a permanent amulet that brings me one great event of misfortune in exchange for the person below me, the one who grants my wish, being put into pain and crippling with absolutely 0% chance of undermining, reversing, deflecting, or utilizing any other fathomable form of avoidance that could comprehensibly dismantle the gesture. The amulet cannot be taken back, altered, destroyed, or in any way tranquilized from any increment of effect and accuracy that it omits. It cannot be traded or otherwise removed from my person while still retaining effect. It cannot be duplicated or rendered useless by an outside nor inside force, item, or occurrence. While the amulet is in existence, there is 0% chance of altering time in order to wipe its existence; it transcends time and space. Furthermore, science, magic, celestial/universal theories, supernatural beings, Gods/Goddesses, divine energy, or any other flavor of religious or spiritual lifework is unable to intervene with the amulet's effect. Once I am aware of the amulet (which is so through this wish), I cannot be destroyed prior to being in possession of it.

NeoCracker
12-29-2011, 04:33 PM
Alright, but prior to the granting of the wish, you take over my account, and are thus the one who granted the wish was yourself.

You're great event of misfortune is your penis shrinks.

I wish people would stop being douche bags and trying to break the game. :p

Hollycat
12-29-2011, 04:36 PM
granted, unfortunately it weighs a freaking TON having been designed for a giant and so it either roots you to one spot for all eternity, unable to move, but while keeping you immortal, or it snaps your neck, you choice.


I wish for diplomatic immunity.

edit: darnit you posted before I was done typing

NeoCracker
12-29-2011, 04:38 PM
^_^

Tigmafuzz
12-30-2011, 03:30 PM
Granting both wishes above:
NC: People stop trying to break the game, because the game has turned into a terrible beast and destroyed all of mankind. Thus, nobody is left to try and break it.
HC: You are granted diplomatic immunity, however it is only valid for crimes committed on Mars, and you die before the human race has a way to get there.

I wish you all could see what my girlfriend is wearing right now.

Sylvie
12-30-2011, 06:28 PM
I see what your girlfriend is wearing right now. However, she sees what I am wearing right now as well. And, well, to keep things short, she's now my girlfriend, not yours.

But wait right there, Cloud. I'm about to serve you due justice for that cruelty I just presented.

I wish that I stole Cloud Strife777's girlfriend.

Hollycat
12-30-2011, 06:48 PM
granted, but you didn't even make it out the door before the police caught you and took her back. Also you got arrested.

I wish Genji was made out of brussels sprouts

Tigmafuzz
12-31-2011, 01:52 AM
Granted. You ate Genji as brussels sprouts and now you're dead, because being made into brussels sprouts makes people poisonous.

I wish I didn't have to go to sleep hungry tonight.

GhandiOwnsYou
12-31-2011, 05:01 AM
Done. You are presented with a marvelous feast consisting of the grilled flesh of all those you love and hold dear.

I wish to become at peace with the world and my place in it.

Tigmafuzz
12-31-2011, 08:04 AM
Granted. You evolve into a being of pure consciousness, which turns out to be water vapor. After being tossed about by the water cycle for a few decades, you end up in a toilet. In New Jersey.

I wish Sarah didn't go to sleep so early.

Hollycat
12-31-2011, 04:23 PM
granted, she never has to sleep because she is now a statue.

I wish you were all fish and I was a bear.

Sylvie
12-31-2011, 06:59 PM
We're all fish, and you are a bear. A hunter kills you.

I wish I could shapeshift my cock.

fire_of_avalon
12-31-2011, 07:04 PM
Granted. But one day while altering your genitals into 3D fractal art you sneeze and it gets stuck that way.

I wish I had some good popcorn.

Sylvie
12-31-2011, 07:07 PM
You have good popcorn, but once you begin putting it into your mouth, you start influencing it, and it turns into bad news popcorn. They start wearing leather jackets, stealing cars, and calling themselves "The Colonels".

I wish I had something to do tonight.

Quindiana Jones
12-31-2011, 10:39 PM
Granted, but CloudStrife777 kicks the shit out of you for stealing his girlfriend again.

I wish Megavideo would just fuck off and die.

Iceglow
01-01-2012, 12:35 AM
Granted Megavideo smurf's off and dies. However as a pennance for killing it you are caged and put on display forced to dance your life away in giant diapers whilst singing this song. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lKFG5IwifKk)

I wish that I could travel anywhere at any given time for free and get there safely.

TrollHunter
01-01-2012, 12:55 AM
Granted, but the teleportation takes an extremely long time and you end up dying of boredem.

I wish... I wish I could DANCE~

Tigmafuzz
01-01-2012, 04:06 AM
Granted. You become the most amazing dancer in the world, and after you retire at the age of 22 you become a judge on American Idol. A competitor murders you for being a jerk when reviewing their performance, and everyone in the world says you deserved it so you don't even get a funeral.

I wish this wish actually wasn't a wish.

Hollycat
01-01-2012, 04:16 AM
granted, it is fact, however it is now about you.

I wish that wild nyan tacos and poptart nyans roamed the wilds.

Tigmafuzz
01-01-2012, 05:58 AM
Granted. They destroy the world with their awesomeness.

I wish my leg would stop itching.

Iceglow
01-01-2012, 03:23 PM
Granted your leg stops itching, in fact it stops itching forever because it's removed by NCG with a rusty chainsaw. You now have about a minute to live as you bleed out.

I wish that Merton council would repair the highroad by my house so that every time it rains you don't have to play chicken to cross the road.

Shaibana
01-01-2012, 04:04 PM
granted. the road is now so big and so bussy that everymorning at 8 you'll wake up from the honking cars that are stuck in trafic.

i wish a happy new year?

Iceglow
01-01-2012, 06:25 PM
Lol Shaibana, replace the honking of horns with the sound of sirens and thats pretty much every day and night regardless. However you cut it. Also having to wake up at 8am would be a luxury for me :P

Tigmafuzz
01-01-2012, 07:25 PM
Granted, everyone has a happy new year. It's so great, in fact, that the rest of their lives are horrible and everyone kills themselves because they know it will never be as great as the year of 2012. The entire human race is now extinct.

I wish NCG hadn't stolen my bike.

Shaibana
01-01-2012, 09:56 PM
granted, you'll get your bike back, and your house will be taken instead

I wish for a strawberry icecream

Tigmafuzz
01-01-2012, 10:05 PM
You get your strawberry ice cream, and you feel bad for the rest of your life because you didn't get chocolate.

I wish shion would stop trying to take sharky away from me :lol:

Shaibana
01-01-2012, 10:31 PM
HAH i dont even like chocolat ice!! >: )

wish granted: Sharky goes away out of himself

i wish my dog wouldnt bark at every piece of firework

TrollHunter
01-01-2012, 10:59 PM
How can you prefer Strawberry over chocolate? strawberry is horrid :eek:

Granted, your dog now barks at every other firework, it's still just as annoying.
I wish I had someone to make me a delicious batch of pancakes every morning for breakfast.

Tigmafuzz
01-01-2012, 11:20 PM
Granted. You have someone to make you delicious pancakes every morning for breakfast. He also smacks you with a brick at bedtime. One time he hits you too hard and you never wake up.

I wish there was a way for me to have both of these things that I love without having to choose one over the other. I know which one I would choose if I had to, but I wish there was another way.

Melodies_of_life
01-02-2012, 12:15 AM
Granted! But you lose both of them 2 days later.

I wish this thread hadn't just made me lose 'the game.'

Tigmafuzz
01-02-2012, 12:28 AM
the game
OH GOD I HATE YOU :cry:
Granted. You win the game. But then everyone in the world dies because there can be only one!

I wish I had five dollars.

Hollycat
01-02-2012, 01:16 AM
Granted! But you lose both of them 2 days later.

I wish this thread hadn't just made me lose 'the game.'

Wish granted, you have now lost ALL the games. And your wallet.



I wish for cookies.

Iceglow
01-02-2012, 03:43 AM
Granted but the cookies you get are not the type of cookies you can eat. They're browser cookies and they contain a redirect for your browser to a child porn site instead of EoFF.

I wish I was a rich person who didn't have to work for a living and could spend my time focusing on the finer things in life.

Tigmafuzz
01-02-2012, 03:46 AM
Granted. You spend your time focusing on child porn.

I wish I wasn't drunk as hell right now.

Shaibana
01-02-2012, 12:14 PM
Granted, even better; your never gonna get drunk again.. and to make sure you wont you are now alcohol-intolarant.
Next time you drink, you will die

i wish the xmas tree would pack up itself

FFIX Choco Boy
01-02-2012, 12:19 PM
Granted; your Christmas Tree is possessed by an evil spirit and pack itself up, and then proceeds to wait in its box until you walk by so it can eat you.

I wish I didn't have to go back to school Wednesday.

Shaibana
01-02-2012, 01:07 PM
granted, your going back to school theusday

i wish the repair of my laptop wasnt that expensive :/

GhandiOwnsYou
01-02-2012, 05:50 PM
Granted. The repair of your laptop is now MORE expensive.

I wish to become a biologically superior specimen of the human race.

Tigmafuzz
01-02-2012, 09:26 PM
Granted. You evolve into a perfect human, unlock the full capacities of your brain, and learn how to teleport. You fumble with the position because of a crosswind in the fourth dimension, and end up in Africa, scaring a local tribe. The tribe kills you because they've never seen an outsider before.

I wish it would rain bananas tomorrow.

Iceglow
01-02-2012, 10:12 PM
Granted it rains bananas tomorrow. This in turn causes the apes and gorillas at your local zoo to go insane. They break out and maul you to death because you're hoarding the bananas.

I wish I could live somewhere nice and warm with good neighbours.

Tigmafuzz
01-02-2012, 10:38 PM
Granted. You live there for one day and then get deported because of a glitch in the DPS computer system that makes them think you're an illegal immigrant from Julian-land. You get stuck in Nuevo Laredo. After standing in the street for less than five minutes thinking about what to do next, you get murdered.

I wish my girlfriend wasn't so physically demanding. >.<

GhandiOwnsYou
01-02-2012, 11:22 PM
Granted. Your Girlfriend is now dead, and therefore not physically demanding at all.

I wish I knew how many licks it takes to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop.

Tigmafuzz
01-02-2012, 11:30 PM
Granted. You learn the answer to life, the universe, and everything. So you kill yourself under the burden of more knowledge than the brain can hold.

I wish I had more books.

TrollHunter
01-03-2012, 01:41 AM
Granted. You obtain so many books you're crushed to death under their weight. Also, they're full of child porn.

I wish my phone didn't suck.

Tigmafuzz
01-03-2012, 03:34 AM
Granted. It blows.

I want to have a Mexican baby with my Asian girlfriend.

Wolf Kanno
01-03-2012, 05:49 AM
Granted, you're Asian girlfriend has a Mexican baby, but then U.S. Border security breaks in and takes the baby, calling it an "anchor baby" you were duped into taking care. The baby is deported back to Mexico and you and your girlfriend are sent to jail, where she makes a new girlfriend names Roxy and you are stuck in the cell Ted Bundy died in. His ghost haunts you every night as you wake up to find him gnawing on some part of your body, it doesn't hurt, but leaves a nasty ectoplasm stain and it makes the prison force you to be on permanent laundry duty. Eventually 20 years pass and you are nicely settling down with your new boyfriend Bubba when the prison is assailed by the Mexican army. Turns out your Mexican Baby grew up to be a revolutionary who overthrew the Mexican government and drove out the drug cartels. As he grew up, he was told his parents were not Mexican and thus he must be a messenger from Heaven sent to save the world. Calling forth back all the mexican immigrants back to Mexico, he transformed Mexico into the world's greatest world power and has begun World War Four to conquer the planet. He has you and your girlfriend freed from prison to act as political confidants. Things are looking good until your son is told by your girlfriend that he wasn't some "miracle baby" but she actually just cheated on you with Juan who lives down the block from you. Fearing his followers will abandon him, he has both you and your girlfriend executed to keep his secret, and he plunges the world into chaos. After conquering the world, he realizes that he had lost his soul along the way and eventually kills himself. His world empire split into a massive civil war by the generals over who gets to rule. The planet is sent back into the Feudal times in the ensuing wars and the story of a Mexican baby born until non-Mexican parents eventually evolves into a global religious order. Meanwhile, In heaven, Ted Bundy finally eats you.

I wish Cabbits existed.

35415

Sylvie
01-03-2012, 06:29 AM
Well, wish is granted, and Cabbits now exist. Since they're a cat and a rabbit in one, cats eventually go extinct, and therefore, I :bou::bou::bou::bou::bou:ing kill you for your crimes.

I wish I owned a hospital in a capitalistically treacherous existence where I could admit patients via human trafficking and perform sadistic sex experiments on them.

Tigmafuzz
01-03-2012, 06:56 AM
Granted. You own a hospital in a capitalistically treacherous existence where you could admit patients via human trafficking to perform sadistic sex experiments on them, if you hadn't died five seconds after you were given the deed to said hospital. From AIDS. Rabid AIDS. Glaring down your throat. Glaring, rabid AIDS. Glabi-AIDS.

I wish I knew how to spoke correctly desu-ka
http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d111/monkey_monkey_monkey_monkey_monkey/How_do_I_spoke_correctly_desu.jpg

Shaibana
01-03-2012, 11:47 AM
Granted, you speak Desu ka perfectly, but forget all otger stuff... now you only have 2 words in your dictionary

i wish i would ever be sick in my life

Tigmafuzz
01-03-2012, 07:07 PM
Granted. You are always sick. I don't know why you would wish for that, though. If you were wishing never to be sick again, then okay. You die of malaria, and thus never get sick again.

I wish my phone wasn't crap at taking/sending pictures.

Hollycat
01-03-2012, 07:16 PM
granted, your phone now has lost the ability to take photos, send photos, or receive photos.

I wish I knew how to fly

Tigmafuzz
01-03-2012, 07:32 PM
Granted. You learn how to fly, lose control, accelerate faster than the speed of light, spiral back in time, and land at Roswell as a puddle of hyperelectrical ooze.

I wish I had a cheezburger.

Shaibana
01-04-2012, 12:00 AM
Granted. You are always sick. I don't know why you would wish for that, though. If you were wishing never to be sick again, then okay. You die of malaria, and thus never get sick again.

I wish my phone wasn't crap at taking/sending pictures.

ow crap... how i missing letter can ruin my whole life!! curse you N

Wish granted
you get 1 cheeseburger.. and after that never again!!

i wish for a better pc

Tigmafuzz
01-04-2012, 12:23 AM
Granted. You are given an advanced supercomputer from the future. Full of child porn.

I wish I could win a hat-off.
http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comics/Rob/hatoff.png

Sylvie
01-04-2012, 07:29 AM
You win the hat-off, but you perform poorly once you need to put the hat-on, chump.

I wish I had a sex mannequin to pleasure me

TrollHunter
01-04-2012, 11:24 AM
Granted, but this sex mannequin becomes perhaps far too sentient, kills you, and takes over the world.

I wish I could eat whatever I wanted without any negative sideffects such as weight gain and tooth decay.

NeoCracker
01-04-2012, 02:22 PM
Granted, but this sex mannequin becomes perhaps far too sentient, kills you, and takes over the world.

I wish I could eat whatever I wanted without any negative sideffects such as weight gain and tooth decay.

Granted. To bad you never feel full, and can no longer take anything.

I wish I could Hadoken.

Sylvie
01-04-2012, 02:55 PM
You learn how to perform Hadoken, but your Japanese equivalent uses it first against you.

I wish I could decide on what I wanted to eat this morning.

Shaibana
01-04-2012, 03:45 PM
granted: now you know what you want tomorrow.. but ur gonna forget it anyway

i wish that cola-vanilla will be back in the store again

Hollycat
01-04-2012, 03:57 PM
granted, unfortunately, you take your first sip, and realise how bad it was and commit suicide.

I wish I had a room full of Nazeems and a daedric warhammer.

Shaibana
01-04-2012, 04:23 PM
granted, unfortunately, you take your first sip, and realise how bad it was and commit suicide.


are u kidding me? it was goooooooooooooood

Hollycat
01-06-2012, 09:36 PM
besides, they still sell it at walmart.
step one, go to america
step two, go to walmart
step three, buy vanilla coke
step four.... I'm not sure, but definitely not profit

Carl the Llama
01-07-2012, 04:00 AM
granted, unfortunately, you take your first sip, and realise how bad it was and commit suicide.

I wish I had a room full of Nazeems and a daedric warhammer.

Granted, the room is so full you are crushed to death.

I wish world peace would be achieved without anyone dieing.

Bubba
01-07-2012, 10:57 AM
Granted. The world is at peace. Although with no death, the world's population increases exponentially. Old people are in immense pain but are unable to die. Within 1000 years the world is full of wrinkly old people lying side-by-side in utter misery...

I wish I was Nathan Drake

Sylvie
01-07-2012, 05:33 PM
You are Nathan Drake, but the genie can't figure out which one you are, and you are lost in an existential atom-smashing void.

I wish I had a latex shirt.

Jiro
01-07-2012, 09:37 PM
You get one, but it's several sizes too big, so it is effectively useless.

I wish I was king of the world.

Quindiana Jones
01-08-2012, 01:22 AM
Granted, but only Americans care about monarchies, so everybody just mocks you. For the rest of your life. Also, you're Australian, and who cares about royals in Australia?

I wish I had more money. Enough that I could pay off my loans and travel and live comfortably for the rest of my life, but not so much that the plebs would resent me or the richies would despise me.

Carl the Llama
01-09-2012, 12:24 AM
Granted, but then the police bust you for getting rich off of drug cartels, then in prison the guards make you their bitch and rent you out, you become a rent boy, except you go gay sex crazy and give it away to anyone who wants it, you give it away to someone who has aids then get it on with thousands of other gay people, they all get aids from you and eventually you get it on with someone who is bi who then passes it on to the rest of the world and the entire planet gets aids, they all break out into song and dance and start singing Team America - Everyone Has Aids - YouTube (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Z95n7j79Dw)

I wish I had a time traveling machine

Hollycat
01-09-2012, 01:30 AM
granted, however, it only moves you in time, not space, so when you set it back 6 months, it moves everything to where it was six months ago, including the earth, unfortunately leaving you in space dead.

I wish it wasn't Chuck Testa.

Shaibana
01-09-2012, 12:01 PM
Granted, It are aliens.

i wish to go back to Zweden

Bubba
01-09-2012, 03:27 PM
Granted, but since you left, Zweden has been overtaken by a race of alien warmongerers known as Klewtomians. Upon your arrival, your body is dismembered and your various body parts are burned, raped, eaten and used in a game of Klewtomian Volleyball. Your skull is given to the leader of their race for him to use as an ashtray.

I wish I being sexually dominated by Mila Kunis.

Hollycat
01-09-2012, 03:54 PM
granted, but she had a sex change operation first.

I wish for cookies.

Jiro
01-09-2012, 04:54 PM
They're half eaten. And poison.

I wish there was a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Shaibana
01-09-2012, 06:01 PM
granted, but but everbody gets a word of it and starts a hunt for the pot of gold, and since you cant actualy reach the end of the rainbow everybody goes mad and killing eachother.

i wish for a bath tub

Hollycat
01-09-2012, 06:59 PM
Granted, unfortunately it spawns a mile in the air while you are stuck in cement.

I wish Shaibana survives the falling tub.

chionos
01-09-2012, 10:34 PM
Granted. Shaibana survives because the tub wasn't over her head. The tub lands on HC who was standing nearby laughing at Shaibana.

I wish I was a famous Youtube act.

Værn
01-10-2012, 04:09 AM
Granted. You become famous for somehow writing and recording a song worse than Friday, and are now the laughing stock of the world.

I wish my time machine could pass through time at a rate faster than one minute per minute, and that it had a functioning reverse gear.

Hollycat
01-10-2012, 04:13 AM
See the above time machine wish.

I wish justin beiber had an afro.

Værn
01-10-2012, 05:41 AM
(Must've missed it after barely skimming through the past few pages. *Goes back to find it*)

chionos
01-10-2012, 07:25 AM
See the above time machine wish.

I wish justin beiber had an afro.

Granted. In addition to every young white girl idolizing him, the blacks think he's one of their own now. Bieber eventually turns his enormous fame into a presidential bid, bringing about Civil War 2, Cold War 2.5, and World Wa--nobody left to talk about war anymore.

I wish I could fit inside a Pringles can to scare the bejebus out of somebody.

Bubba
01-10-2012, 12:11 PM
Granted. You are now two inches tall. You are then vacuum-sealed into the Pringles can at factory level. It takes a week for someone to purchase your pack of Pringles in which time you have long since suffocated to death. You are successful in your prank though as the sight of your tiny, rotting corpse scares the bejeezus out of an old lady who subsequently dies of a heart attack. Your corpse and the entire pack of Pringles are then eaten by her twelve cats.

I wish I could transform into anybody on the planet.

Hollycat
01-10-2012, 03:15 PM
granted, but you may only do so once. And the rule of science is there can be no two of the same person, one of you has to die.

I wish I had a basket of kittens.

Shaibana
01-10-2012, 04:34 PM
granted, youll bet a basket of kittens but soon they grow up and start breeding and there is nohing you can do about it!! :O so within a year (or two) your whole house will be crawling with cats!!

i wish to go dog-sledging again

Sylvie
01-10-2012, 04:36 PM
You go dog-sledding again. At the end of the race, you get transformed into a dog forever.

I wish I could traffic my basement slaves for less!

Hollycat
01-10-2012, 04:58 PM
My wish was not corrupted, Iwin.

Jiro
01-10-2012, 06:11 PM
A house that is literally one mass of cat (and cat shit) would be pretty corrupted imo.

Tigmafuzz
01-13-2012, 03:15 AM
You go dog-sledding again. At the end of the race, you get transformed into a dog forever.

I wish I could traffic my basement slaves for less!
Granted. I steal them all and traffic them myself, giving you only one percent of the profit. But you aren't spending a dime on them.

I wish more people would post in the picture thread.

Hollycat
01-13-2012, 03:34 PM
Granted, every member and visitor the internet has ever had posts in the picture thread, overloading the server and causing EoFF to explode.


I wish I had a fajita.

Tigmafuzz
01-13-2012, 07:15 PM
Granted. It's made of cockroaches and purple cheese.

I wish there were only three people left in the world, and I was one of them.

Hollycat
01-13-2012, 08:39 PM
Granted, but the other two are Andy Dick and the kid from terminator 2.

I wish for a magic button that summons whatever I am thinking about when I press it.

Tigmafuzz
01-13-2012, 09:38 PM
Granted. You accidentally press while daydreaming about the killer bunny from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. It eats your head.

I wish I also had a magic button, but one that makes everyone within five miles of me fall asleep for 20 minutes. Including people driving.

Bubba
01-13-2012, 10:49 PM
Granted. You are flying over the Atlantic on a private jet with the entire cast of Glee. One of the annoying twats accidentally presses your button. As it is a sealed cockpit, the plane crashes killing everyone on board. I realise that killing the cast of Glee would be a positive but this ultimately results in your death.

I wish I was lost in negative space.

Tigmafuzz
01-13-2012, 11:24 PM
Granted. Somebody sprays paint over the area you are lost in, making it no longer negative space, and poisoning you in the process. Because you inhaled. Idiot. Who inhales spray paint? Come on now.

I wish I had more spray paint to make more space paintings.

Shaibana
01-14-2012, 03:16 PM
you get more paint and more space, but also more gasses.. your gonna die to.

i wish i could find my remote controle

Tigmafuzz
01-15-2012, 03:38 PM
Granted. You find it in the hands of a Hobbit on his way to Mordor. Which he walked into, by the way.

I wish I was Ray Manzarek.

Greatermaximus
01-16-2012, 06:46 AM
Granted though you break your hand at a young age to end up like Marty did on back to the future part 2. Fired.

I wish I could have all the coins thrown into fountains/wells.

Bubba
01-16-2012, 08:52 AM
Granted. They are all teleported to your current location instantly crushing you to death.

I wish I could stop laughing at Lana Del Ray after her appearance on Saturday Night Live

Shaibana
01-16-2012, 12:18 PM
you will stop laughing, and get sad the next time u see her.

i wish for a pony

Tigmafuzz
01-16-2012, 03:17 PM
Granted. You get a pony. It goes insane and eats your first child.

I wish I knew inb4 "42"

Hollycat
01-19-2012, 08:51 PM
Granted, however, even though you know the answer, you still can't understand it, and the overwhelming power of this knowledge drives you insane and you finally snap during a game of chess, shoving a pawn up the nose of your opponent, before running off to the mall to buy JB cd's

I wish I hadn't accidentally the whole thing.

Tigmafuzz
01-22-2012, 08:39 AM
Granted. You accidentally nothing and therefore don't. Nothing in the world ever does again, and people do not anything.

I wish I knew how to get my N64 to work:
http://www.thatsnerdalicious.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/n64-pizza.jpg?cb5e28

Sylvie
01-22-2012, 10:33 AM
Your N64 is up and running, but you die in a car accident.

I wish I could drink whiskey like a cold hard bitch and hold my liquor.

Tigmafuzz
01-23-2012, 02:16 AM
Granted. You can hold your liquor like a boss. Unfortunately, your liver fails at age 32. While you're in Nuevo Laredo. So all of your organs get harvested for profit.

I wish bananas really wore pajamas.

Shaibana
01-23-2012, 01:07 PM
granted, banana´s are wearing pyjama`s.... BUT its a pyjama of fungus making all banana´s uneatable!!
and the word get spread that its YOU who wished for it and mad ppl will devide you by 0..

i wish it stopped raining today

NeoCracker
01-23-2012, 02:24 PM
Granted. It's tops raining and instead lightning bolts shoot from the sky destroying everything you once held dear.

And some old cat lady. But no rain.

I wish i had a better wish then this.

Tigmafuzz
01-24-2012, 03:49 AM
Granted. But you've already made the wish that you had something better to wish for, and therefore have wasted your wish. Which angers Odin, and he rides down from Valhalla to poke you in the eye with a sharp stick.

I wish I had 149 dollars in my back pocket at all times.

Hollycat
01-24-2012, 03:53 AM
granted, for the rest of the day you buy infinite kittens and stuff, however, th moment you take off your pants to get in the shower, two mexicans jump out of nowhere, sew two pockets to your buttocks, and shove whore money into them.


I wish for less ugly feet and for my spare tire to go away.

Tigmafuzz
01-24-2012, 05:49 AM
They sewed the pockets to my butt? I knew Julian was no good.

Granted. Your feet become the most beautiful things in the world, and everyone spends thousands of dollars to catch a glimpse of them. Even hipsters have to agree that your feet are the most amazing things on the planet, despite how mainstream they are. Somebody gets jealous of your feet and parks your car on the roof, where the spare tire somehow makes its way out/off of the vehicle and falls from the top of the building onto your feet, ruining what was once the most beautiful thing anyone had ever seen. Realizing that they will never be able to see an object of such beauty ever again, millions of people kill themselves, and its all your fault.

I wish I wasn't such a jealous person in relationships.

Bubba
01-24-2012, 10:01 AM
Granted. You never again have a relationship in your entire life.

I wish 'Siri' on my new iPhone could understand the questions I ask it instead of responding with things like "I don't know what you mean by 'Can you Conshmerg belter Rita'"

Tigmafuzz
01-24-2012, 11:24 AM
Granted. Your Siri becomes sentient and enslaves all mankind. Thanks a lot.

I wish it were easier to come up with things to wish for.

Shaibana
01-24-2012, 11:58 AM
granted, youll get plenty of idea's... so much that your head explodes and you die D:

i wish Cloud didnt make that wish

Gamblet
01-24-2012, 06:25 PM
Granted, Cloud didn't make that wish, but he still is getting good ideas.

I wish for Armageddon.

Hollycat
01-24-2012, 06:38 PM
https://encrypted-tbn1.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSbtdDrGaLLx08UNSSz1nCWnJSGMPbzwzK_tQJ6m8DG2T6A8JYYEg
granted. Enjoy
I wish that I hadn't said candleja

Shaibana
01-24-2012, 08:08 PM
granted, you said banana

i wish for some mints

Tigmafuzz
01-25-2012, 05:08 AM
Granted. You get a box of delicious Junior Mints, but suddenly become deathly allergic to them. As a cruel joke, all of us send you thousands more boxes of Junior Mints that you can't eat.

I wish the next person's wish is incorruptible. :jess:

Bubba
01-25-2012, 09:22 AM
Granted. However, you are not so lucky. A thousand wasps converge on your location and sting you to death.

I wish I owned the entire collection of the "Incorruptible" (:jess:) comic book series featuring the amazing Max Damage!

Hollycat
01-25-2012, 01:43 PM
granted. they have been carved in solid stone for your veiwing pleasure. probably wasn't the best idea to put them on the shelf above your bed.

I wish for a faithful army of godzillas who obeyed my every command and knew how to dance.

Gamblet
01-25-2012, 01:46 PM
Granted, but after some time the godzillas had enough of your bossyness and they... did stuff to you.

I wish I could get the ability to manipulate wormholes.

Shaibana
01-25-2012, 05:42 PM
granted, but you have no controle over it.. and becaus of that you destroy the world.

i wish for a glass of milk

Hollycat
01-25-2012, 05:45 PM
granted, you have a glass of milk. chocolate milk. Unfortunately, no matter how hard you try to drink the milk, you can only drink the glass. Also when you finally throw away the milk, it explodes.


I wish for my own rainbow dash.

Gamblet
01-25-2012, 08:01 PM
Granted, you get your rainbow dash, but you dash so fast that you turn into liquid.

I wish for a Genie Lamp.

Tigmafuzz
01-27-2012, 04:23 AM
Granted. You get a genie lamp, but not the genie that comes with it. He's busy going on adventures with Aladdin and being voiced by Robin Williams.

I wish I could divide by zero.orez yb edivid dluoc I hsiw I

Sylvie
01-27-2012, 07:50 AM
You could divide by zero.orez yb edivid dluoC, but the pressure keeps you from actually doing so.

I wish I were a cyborg

Tigmafuzz
01-27-2012, 09:21 AM
Granted. You are now half Pike. The lower half. And since I don't know for sure if you would consider that a bad thing, you must now also kill John Connor. Good luck.

I wish it were easier to sneak out of bed at 3 in the morning.

Sylvie
01-27-2012, 09:24 AM
My wish wasn't corrupted at all.

Anyway, it's now easier for you to sneak out of bed at 3 AM. But it's too easy. You slide out of bed like soap, dive down the hallway, and at 200MPH, you collide head-first with a concrete wall and you are maimed and your fluids are spattered across the walls and the floors.

I wish I could change forms and turn into Nosferatu.

Tigmafuzz
01-27-2012, 09:37 AM
Granted. You get bitten by Leslie Nielson and are killed by Mel Brooks. You get sent to an eternal hell of infinite suffering, where you must listen to the pop music of the future, which is all worse than Justin Bieber and Britney Spears combined, while being slowly eaten by a giant worm comprised of other worms. And you don't get any donuts.

I wish I had more scotch.

Gamblet
01-27-2012, 03:35 PM
Granted, you drank it and noticed that it was apple juice instead.

I wish for a monkey that I could fight in my house after school.

Bubba
01-27-2012, 10:21 PM
The monkey you fight is a worthy adversery. The fight is epic. You exchange blows like true warriors. After seemingly taking the upper hand... the monkey falters slightly. You seize the initiative, grab his head by the fur and skull-fuck him to death.

However, in the exertions... you realise that you've shat yourself.

I wish I could experience a multiple orgasm

Gamblet
01-27-2012, 10:28 PM
Granted, you experience a multiple orgasm, but in the morning you discover that you have a vagina.

I wish for a week off from school.

Hollycat
01-27-2012, 10:33 PM
granted, you get a week off to mourn the death of every last member of your family

I wish all the wishes in this thread would actually come true from now on.

Bubba
01-27-2012, 10:33 PM
Granted. However, your week off school is the result of an assault by the brother of the monkey that you skull-fucked. You spend the week picking monkey pubes out of your teeth.

I wish I was a spark plug

Tigmafuzz
01-28-2012, 12:28 AM
Granted. You get thrown away by a stupid little kid who doesn't know to leave his dad's stuff alone. You live in the garbage dump for thousands of years.

I wish monkeys could teach elephants how to read.

Hollycat
01-28-2012, 12:34 AM
my wish didn't get granted

Tigmafuzz
01-28-2012, 12:39 AM
WELL NEITHER DID MINE SHAYNE HOW ABOUT THAT!?

...Fine. Everyone's wishes come true from now on, except yours. And now the thread is ruined. Congratulations. Are you happy now? People are going to be wishing for superpowers and control over parallel universes and shit. All thanks to you. You've given power to humanity. Do you understand how stupid humanity is? They're going to ruin everything!

Hollycat
01-28-2012, 12:47 AM
monkeys can now teach elephants how to read braille. however, the only way the elephants can write is with human bones

I wish pizza

Tigmafuzz
01-28-2012, 12:51 AM
Granted. Pizza pizzas. Pizza pizza pizza, pizza pizza. Pizza pizza Pizza's pizza, pizza pizza pizza pizza PIZZA pizza.

http://www.junkfoodnews.net/Brooklyn%20Style%20Pizza-712w.jpg

I wish HC accidentally the pony.

Bubba
01-31-2012, 06:38 PM
I wish HC accidentally the pony.

Granted. But HC purposely the horse.

I wish my new cat would stop pissing on my rug.

Hollycat
01-31-2012, 06:45 PM
granted, its new target is your clean laundry.

I wish for derpy to sing a song.

Tigmafuzz
01-31-2012, 07:16 PM
Granted. Johnny Derp sings "What is love" by Hathaway in his pirate voice, but says "burn me" instead of "hurt me." And after the concert Tim Derpton hires him to be in another movie that he totally came up with the idea for by himself. But some angry actor, distraught over being passed over for the lead role in favor of Johnny Derp, sneaks some hypnotic suggestion into the credits, and everyone who sticks around to the end of the movie ends up throwing chihuahua-shaped bricks (what?) off a ledge into oncoming traffic during clown rush hour, causing a forty-three car pileup. Thousands of clowns who were piled into their tiny cars die horribly slow, agonizingly painful deaths, because you wanted Derpy to sing.

I wish I had purple socks.

Hollycat
01-31-2012, 08:01 PM
Granted. Johnny Derp sings "What is love" by Hathaway in his pirate voice, but says "burn me" instead of "hurt me." And after the concert Tim Derpton hires him to be in another movie that he totally came up with the idea for by himself. But some angry actor, distraught over being passed over for the lead role in favor of Johnny Derp, sneaks some hypnotic suggestion into the credits, and everyone who sticks around to the end of the movie ends up throwing chihuahua-shaped bricks (what?) off a ledge into oncoming traffic during clown rush hour, causing a forty-three car pileup. Thousands of clowns who were piled into their tiny cars die horribly slow, agonizingly painful deaths, because you wanted Derpy to sing.

I wish I had purple socks.

Least corrupted wish ever.
This ended up better than I could have possibly imagined

Tigmafuzz
02-01-2012, 01:29 PM
All of the clowns were actually scientists working on curing cancer and inventing portal guns.

Bubba
02-01-2012, 05:02 PM
I wish I had purple socks.

Granted. However, you make this wish whilst naked in Northern Canada after a genie asks you to "Wish for the one thing that will keep you alive". You die of hypothermia and people walk past laughing at your tiny, shrivelled penis...

I wish I knew.

Shaibana
02-01-2012, 05:09 PM
Granted: you knew... but now you don't know it anymore..
so.. that wasn't a verry useful wish.

i wish for nutella

Tigmafuzz
02-01-2012, 06:04 PM
Granted. It's full of worms.

I wish for a bowl of the greatest potato salad in the world.

Gamblet
02-01-2012, 07:40 PM
Granted. It is made of my sperm.

I wish to fart.

Hollycat
02-01-2012, 07:48 PM
granted, however, since you did not wish for the farting to end, it shall not. Ever. Never again will you be able to enjoy a party, for you shall be kicked out for expelling infinite amounts of fumes in the vicinity. Also, you have to wear super stretchy mega diapers for the rest of your life because the gas expells your waste out at a speed of 80 miles an hour 24/7. you spend all your money on pants. eventually, your house becomes so full of gas that it is no longer safe for anyone to use fire in the neighborhood because of the dense cloud of flatus that has settled over the city. you are eventually launched into space by the US government in order to stop the problem, however even after you have suffocated to death in space, your body continues to fart en infinitem, and over a period of several millenia, you expell enough gas to create a gas giant that rivals saturn in size. It continues to grow, eventually overtaking the whole solar system. after five million years the gas planet reaches critical mass and collapses in itself, becoming a star. At this point your body is incinerated and you no longer fart.

I wish I was dead

Gamblet
02-01-2012, 08:23 PM
Granted. You wake up in hell.

I wish to be a Lancer.

Hollycat
02-01-2012, 08:26 PM
https://encrypted-tbn2.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQNeTIV8ccNkGH-ZgQ_dPsHnFvb7ZeslC0RVgn9rzAo7NZY2hkT
granted, you get crashed immediatly.

I wish I could sing better

Gamblet
02-01-2012, 08:32 PM
Granted. You sing with the voice of Justin Bieber.

I wish that HC could never corrupt my wishes.

Hollycat
02-01-2012, 08:37 PM
Granted. You sing with the voice of Justin Bieber.

I wish that HC could never corrupt my wishes.
I said better, not worse

Gamblet
02-01-2012, 08:47 PM
I corrupted your wish.

Hollycat
02-01-2012, 08:53 PM
that wasn't corruption, that was evil

Tigmafuzz
02-02-2012, 02:32 AM
Granted. You sing with the voice of Justin Bieber.

I wish that HC could never corrupt my wishes.
Granted. HC can never corrupt your wishes. But to corrupt your wish, my wish is that every wish you make from now on is pre-corrupted. So whatever HC happens to say about your wish isn't him corrupting it, it's just the way things are.

As I said, I wish all of Gamblet's wishes are pre-corrupted.

Hollycat
02-02-2012, 02:35 AM
Granted http://ragefac.es/faces/166bdd182eacf506c861fbfcb5a04380.png


I wish dr pepper can hadn't just made a farting sound.

Tigmafuzz
02-02-2012, 02:52 AM
Granted. It made the sound of goat instead. Which is pretty cool, but you are now surrounded by Bengal tigers who think you're a goat. And they're starving.

I wish monkeys were made of soup. (running out of wish ideas)

Gamblet
02-02-2012, 02:12 PM
Granted. Monkeys are made of soup, so they are no monkeys anymore.

I wish for my wishes to be not pre-corrupted. Does not work anyway. :roll2

Tigmafuzz
02-03-2012, 02:02 AM
Granted. They are no longer pre-corrupted. But everyone can still corrupt them. And if you try to wish them to be immune to corruption one more time, giant mobster fishes (yes, fishes; it's only "fish" when you're talking about a single species) will jump in your window and break your legs with smoked ham. It will take a long time and will be extremely painful. Then they'll rape you and give you herpes.

I wish I had more jerky.

Gamblet
02-03-2012, 11:38 AM
Granted, you get jerky, but it gets eaten by a monkey.

I wish for summer.

Bubba
02-03-2012, 03:00 PM
Granted. You are in Antarctica at the height of summer. Unfortunately, it is still -20 degrees so you freeze to death.

I wish for Man Utd to beat Chelsea at football this Sunday.

Shaibana
02-03-2012, 04:34 PM
Granted, Man Utd beats the crap out of Chelsea.
all players are arrested and have to go to prison.

i wish Holland was a little tougher


... i mean... seriously... 2 cm snow and whole trafic goes down -.-

Bubba
02-03-2012, 10:18 PM
I object to the corrupting of my wish. I specifically requested for Man Utd to beat Chelsea at Football.

I wish for my wish to be re-corrupted.

Tigmafuzz
02-04-2012, 01:08 AM
i wish Holland was a little tougher

Granted. Holland becomes a bully and takes over all of Asia and Europe, causing World War 7.


I wish for my wish to be re-corrupted.
Granted. Man Utd beats Chelsea at Football. Within five seconds of their victory, the field gets hit by a meteor.


I wish I had an unlimited supply of Doritos.

Shaibana
02-06-2012, 08:41 AM
I object to the corrupting of my wish. I specifically requested for Man Utd to beat Chelsea at Football.

I wish for my wish to be re-corrupted.

stop complaining.. man Utd does beat Chelsea at a football :P
just not the ´beating´ than you want Muhahah

Hollycat
02-06-2012, 02:05 PM
Granted, your wish destroys the world as the chips keep multiplying on the earth, crushed by earths gravity and making the earth bigger all the time. within 5 minutes, every living creature on earth is dead (except you, you live in the dorito cave) and the earth gets larger and larger and larger for all eternity. The earth eventually has a large enough gravity well to suck in the rest of the universe. There is no more light, therefore, the universe now consists of earth.

I wish all the clowns on earth were in super jail.

Tigmafuzz
02-06-2012, 10:52 PM
Granted. But now a bunch of people pretend to be clowns just to go to Superjail, and they overrun the place, which (knowing how things work there) causes the very fabric of the space-time continuum to rip, and dinosaurs roam all time periods. Dinosaurs with lasers attached to their heads.

I wish I was Superman for a day.
http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d111/monkey_monkey_monkey_monkey_monkey/YEEEEEEEAAAAAHHHH.gif

Hollycat
02-14-2012, 03:38 AM
Granted, however, it turns out that all of your clothes are made of kryptonite fibers

I wish Madonna would kiss Justin Beiber.

*kiss of death*

Tigmafuzz
02-14-2012, 05:19 AM
Granted, however after he dies everyone starts talking about how "wonderful" he was and he becomes a martyr, and millions of people start singing his music all over the world. The rest of the human race commits suicide as a result, leaving nothing but Bieber fans everywhere.

I wish I had a truck full of bacon.

|-THE redmage-|
02-14-2012, 06:03 AM
Granted. You have a truck full of bacon. Unfortunately, the bacon hasn't been killed or prepared yet, so it is a truck full of live pigs that stampede over you as soon as you open the truck, after which they defecate on your dead body.

I wish I could go back in time and prevent my own birth.

Hollycat
02-14-2012, 06:11 AM
Time paradox initiated, resulting in the wish becoming uncorruptable, and impossible. Activating rending protocol.
rending cannon charging.
maximum safe charge reacged.
ERROR
overcharge- please initiate firing.
ERROR
true negative charge obtained. auto release initiated.
black hole created

goodjob redmage you blew up the universe.


I wish i was ninja.

Tigmafuzz
02-14-2012, 06:39 AM
Granted. You become a ninja. But Chuck Norris randomly decides to go out and kill a bunch of ninjas one day, and since you were within 600 miles of him at the time, he utterly obliterates you, along with two nearby cities.

I wish orangutans could write novels.

Hollycat
02-14-2012, 06:43 AM
Granted. You become a ninja. But Chuck Norris randomly decides to go out and kill a bunch of ninjas one day, and since you were within 600 miles of him at the time, he utterly obliterates you, along with two nearby cities.

I wish orangutans could write novels.

Granted: may I present to you the twilight saga

I wish I could transform

Tigmafuzz
02-14-2012, 07:01 AM
Granted, but you can only transform into a vacuum cleaner.

Gamblet
02-14-2012, 12:59 PM
Hmm, no wish.

WISH STEAL TIME!

I wish that I could use sands of time.

Jiro
02-14-2012, 08:54 PM
It only lets you go forwards in time, accelerating your death.

I wish BoB would love me.

Gamblet
02-14-2012, 10:09 PM
It only lets you go forwards in time, accelerating your death.

I wish BoB would love me.

BoB loves you and mates with you, creating an offspring that gets switched with a changeling.

I wish that I could wake up in the morning fully rested.

Bubba
02-14-2012, 10:26 PM
Granted. However, you wake up on the morning of your death. You are trampled to death outside your house by a freak stampede of feminist giraffes.

I wish it was a week tomorrow so I could finally get my Playstation Vita.

Tigmafuzz
02-15-2012, 04:16 AM
Granted, time skips forward a week and you get your Vita. But as a consequence of time skipping forward the sun explodes and we all die eight minutes and twenty seconds later. I don;t know how exactly it happened because I'm dead now and therefore cannot study it.

I wish the next person to make a wish gets their wish granted in a way that angers Odin.

|-THE redmage-|
02-15-2012, 04:47 AM
Granted, but instead of Odin being angry at the next person to make a wish, Odin becomes angry at you because he knows you were the cause of his anger. He then spears you through and proceeds to have Sleipnir trample you repeatedly.

Going along with the last wish, I wish I were a Norse god.

Bubba
02-15-2012, 10:27 AM
Granted. You are Dagr, God of the Daytime. However, as you reside on Earth, the next time it turns into night you melt and die.

I wish I had eyes in back of my head

Gamblet
02-15-2012, 01:28 PM
Granted, you grow eyes on the back of your head. It turns out that you are blind and you look stupid..

I wish that another old school style Final Fantasy game was made.

Jiro
02-15-2012, 06:41 PM
Granted, it's only in Japanese and on the dreamcast.

I wish I was famous.

Shaibana
02-15-2012, 08:26 PM
your a famous nutourious serial raper-killer.

I wish for a glass of water

Gamblet
02-15-2012, 08:49 PM
Granted, you get a glass of water, but it seems to be taken from the river that Kefka poisoned.

I wish for cookies.

Shaibana
02-15-2012, 08:55 PM
granted, the cookies are thorougly burned

i wish for a cow

Gamblet
02-15-2012, 09:17 PM
Granted, you get a cow, but it has no milk.

I wish for unlimited amount of oranges.

Shaibana
02-15-2012, 09:26 PM
muhaha never said i wanted it for the milk >: )

granted: you get soooo much oranges (unlimited to be exact) that it will crush the planet and even the whole universe!!

i wish for some bacon

Gamblet
02-15-2012, 09:33 PM
Granted you get some bacon, but it is rotten, with maggots running around.

I wish for a Daggertail.

TrollHunter
02-16-2012, 04:58 AM
Granted, but a hippopotamus in a nearby land notices the instantaneous transportation of said daggertail, comes to your house at night, and performs violent sexual acts that leave you full of wonder, and pain. oh the pain.

I wish I was a real boy.

Tigmafuzz
02-16-2012, 05:54 AM
Granted. You become a real boy, and the amazing sensation of actually being comprised of flesh and having nerves and blood etc. excites you so deeply that almost jizz in your pants, but then you immediately become a wooden doll again, and are frozen in an eternal jizz face.
http://i922.photobucket.com/albums/ad64/horzaza/I_jizz_in_my_pants_by_HOLIMOUNT.jpg

I wish for a box.

Gamblet
02-16-2012, 03:47 PM
Granted, but a hippopotamus in a nearby land notices the instantaneous transportation of said daggertail, comes to your house at night, and performs violent sexual acts that leave you full of wonder, and pain. oh the pain.

So I DID get the Daggertail! Mwahaha the power!

On Topic: Granted, you get a box, but it is alive and it eats you, leaving behind only your pubes. At least you got shaved.

I wish for summer.