View Full Version : Secrets Of...

03-20-2012, 01:43 AM
We've all probably had a job of some kind at some point. And sometimes things happen on those jobs that you wouldn't necessarily broadcast to the world...


What are some secrets of jobs you've had, that a customer/client/etc may not know about?

As a waitress I can say these things:

-Don't go out to eat if you don't want a stranger to touch your food. Sometimes we're in a rush, and we don't have time to use gloves or tongs. I'm not going to spend an extra 3 minutes on 6 salads using tongs when I was just double sat. I'm just gonna grab a handful of lettuce.

-Sometimes we shortchange you. If you order something late at night, and we're almost out, we'll give you less than what you're supposed to get. Why? Because it's easier than having you bitch at us.

-If you are rude or mean, we will avoid your table like the plague. You will just get shitty service, plain and simple. Oh, and we tell each other when you're a crappy customer.

-If you're a bad tipper, we'll remember. And you will get crappier service next time you're in. Oh, and we tell each other when you are a crappy tipper.

-Yes, when we go in the kitchen we bitch about you.

What are some secrets of your job?

03-20-2012, 02:01 AM
From 2005-2007 I worked at UPS. Pack your package in the best possible way and/or order the best insurance you can afford because when you have 3000 packages coming at you an hour, no one there cares how carefully you get your job done. They only care if you keep the back up bell from going off so packages don't have to cycle around the bay anymore.

I have seen people steal minor stuff too, but from major corporations. A middle aged woman opened up a box of Fruit Rollups and scarfed one down as she was loading.

03-20-2012, 04:42 AM
When I was working at Taco Bell years and years ago I once climbed up to the roof late one night and peed on a car as it went through the drive-through. They probably just thought it was raining :/

03-20-2012, 05:04 AM
If you're a jackass and I know you're a jackass, I'm definitely grading you more harshly. Ass.

The people touching food doesn't really bother me. That was standard operating procedure at the one restaurant I worked at since the owners thought that people would keep their own hands cleaner than they'd keep disposable gloves

03-20-2012, 05:31 AM
You forgot this one fiery

-It takes you mo fos longer to wait on my table for my family because we're black and because you lot assume we don't tip. Next time I tip I'll make sure to rub my ass with the money. Merry Christmas! :jess:

Huckleberry Quin
03-20-2012, 05:40 AM
- People working in retail play games, such as "Find the Munter", "Who has the Worst Taste?", and, for Valentine's Day, "They're Definitely Having Sex Tonight". If you see staff laughing at you, it's probably because you've been chosen. My personal favourite was the simpler, but no less fun, "Dance Like A Reject Behind A Customer and Don't Get Caught".

03-20-2012, 02:23 PM
This was many moons ago but the rule still applies.

DON'T visit a Macdonalds where your ex-girlfriend/boyfriend works at.

A young man was unfortunate enough to come through the drive-thru and order a cup of tea. His ex-girlfriend (the shift manager, no less!) decided to make the tea herself but with an extra ingredient. She deposited a healthy gob of spit into the bottom of the cup before pouring the tea. She made sure she gave it a healthy stir so there was a minimum amount of 'stringy bits' then gave it to another female colleague to present to him.

It's quite simple, if someone is going to be serving you food or drink. Be nice!

03-20-2012, 02:45 PM
Quite shocked to read some of the stuff here in this thread.

Makes me realise how utterly boring and mundane my entire existence is.

03-20-2012, 04:23 PM
You forgot this one fiery

-It takes you mo fos longer to wait on my table for my family because we're black and because you lot assume we don't tip. Next time I tip I'll make sure to rub my ass with the money. Merry Christmas! :jess:

I actually don't do this. When I have a table, I will give them good service (initially) no matter what colour they are. I can grin and bear a lot of crap (you have to be REALLY shitty to me for me to give you shitty service. And it does happen.) One time I had a table with a "ghetto" chick with three kids. She had a $70 check. Which at my restaurants is a LOT of food. But I treated her with respect the entire time, and guess what? She handed me a $20 bill and said, "This is for you, baby." We got to talking, and she's a nurse. So aaaaactually, you never know. So I'm nice to everyone. :)

But some people do racially profile about their service in regards to tips. If our management hears you say anything about someone being a bad tipper because they're a certain race, you'll be fired.

03-20-2012, 04:43 PM
....i can't say most of the secrets

I will say I know how to make chili thanks to Wendy's but if I told you the recipe none of you will eat it.

03-20-2012, 04:50 PM
I don't eat Wendy's chili anyways, so I'm game.

03-20-2012, 07:02 PM
I don't eat Wendy's chili anyways, so I'm game.

okay here goes


- frozen vegetables
- can of beans
- tomato sauce
- chili powder
- wendys (tm) hamburger patties

step one:
cook hamburger patties.
cook them a long time. like 15 minutes-half an hour. they should be overcooked
after you have overcooked a pile of burgers, scoop them up and fill with water. boil. yeah you heard me. boil that hamburger patty for several hours. Drain. Store overnight

still reading? It's now day two. Take out your day old hamburger patties and mix all the ingredients in a big pot. Boil for 6 hours. Scoop and serve.

03-20-2012, 07:04 PM
That's really not that bad. I work at McDonald's for a year, so I know all about freshness of food and shit.

Shattered Dreamer
03-20-2012, 09:24 PM
I worked as a waiter/bar tender for a while so I picked up a few things.

1. Never send back food. I watched a girl I was working with ask one of the hotel porters for a few of his pubic hairs & watch as a rude customer ate pubes! Another time I was told food was cold, brought it back 5 mins later, never heated it & the customer thought it was great.

2. People who are jerks to bar tenders get served pints of beer or bottles of beer poured or opened by mistake. A guy was a dick to me once when the bar was busy & I served him a pint of beer which had been under the counter for 4 hours. I blamed the temperate on the fact the glass just came out of the dish washer because the bar was busy.

3. Beware of drinks promotions in bars. One time I was instructed to scratch the dates off 2 cases of Bud Lite & sell them for €2 a pop. And I did so. Every time I get a cheap bottled beer on promotion now I check for a date or lack there of. I've got a few free drinks in my time by complaining about such.

03-20-2012, 09:35 PM
It is tradition at olive garden to rub your wang on the first fruit salad ordered each day.
At mcdonalds we only cleaned the tea tub when a certain manager was on duty, and one time she took a month off because she had built time off.
At Kennedy and Co. Realty LLC, we sometimes cough or sneeze into our hands instead of our elbows and forget to wash our hands afterwards.

03-20-2012, 09:39 PM
That's really not that bad. I work at McDonald's for a year, so I know all about freshness of food and tit.

What's the deal with hamburger patties? you microwave them??

Please to be telling us about mcdonald's

03-20-2012, 09:48 PM
Nah, McDonald's are frozen patties. We put then on the grill at frozen, push a button that lowers the lid, it cooks for 45 seconds, then we pry them off. It's pretty easy.

But, when you put new patties/chicken/mushrooms in the cabinet at McDonald's, you hit a button that sets a timer. After this timer, you're supposed to dump it. They almost never do. NEVER get grilled chicken from McDonald's. It's probably been there all day. And always check the mushrooms. I will take food back to McDonald's if it isn't fresh enough, because I know better.

EDIT: I trick we use with fries is that if they are old, we'll cook a fresh batch and mix them in. That way they're hot, and they have the fresh oil on them again.

03-20-2012, 10:21 PM
in Sainsbury's we'd play similar games to the ones Quin mentions the dancing like a reject one is similar to one of ours which was to go up behind the attractive girls and pretend to thrust/spank them and not get caught. I remember one time a guy from Fresh Foods got caught....it did not end well for him.

A good one at my current job is we tend to abandon colleagues to the bad customers who the rest of us are avoiding. I remember when I was on lower ground floor there was an old fellow who smelled a lot like pee, he also reminded me strangely of an extremely old Huxley (don't ask but he did genuinely look like an ancient version of the guy) at the sight of him myself and my colleagues would find excuses to go off shopfloor until only one person remained. That person would have to help the old person and suffer his smell.

Another common one, especially on the bigger counters in my store is that when there is a line of people waiting to be served and there is an extremely pretty girl the guys will compete to serve her. How do you compete whilst serving on a till? Have you ever wondered why a person has scanned your CDs in record time, chucking them in to a bag and all be barked the price at you? have you ever seen them yelling "next customer please!" before you've even had chance to pick up the carrier bag? We're competing and you better move your ass on out the way so that we can serve that hottie. Also to note, if we reckon we're going to miss the hottie we'll slow our transactions to a crawl. And by crawl I literally mean I have taken 3 mins or more to sell a single CD to a customer purely to ensure I get to serve the fit girl behind them.

Huckleberry Quin
03-20-2012, 10:46 PM
Haha, yeah! We used to send each other to hump/spank the ugliest person in the store in the hopes that they would get caught. It's always a treat when they do. If the customer is pissed off and yells at them, it's hilarious, but it's even funnier when they take it as a cue to ask them out xD. One poor girl was terrible at it, so she was asked out pretty much every shift.

We always used to rush for the friendliest looking customer. A great customer can just make your day if you're on the tills for hours.

Old Manus
03-20-2012, 11:45 PM
Government departments are bloated, inefficient money drains who will pay silly amounts of money for simple contracts simply because they have to spend all of their budget, and don't let any wide-eyed socialist redditor tell you otherwise.

If you pay for Indian outsourced programming companies, expect...no, just don't expect anything.

Tech support involves replicating the problem in the local environment, then Googling it.

You know all that Linux/FOSS cool stuff you read about on the internet? Yeah, businesses don't use it. They'd rather pay obscene amounts of money for Microsoft software because, well, if it costs a fortune, it must be good! Bash scripts won't get you a job.

I could delete the entire school national exam mark database if I wanted to. Who's laughing now, teachers who said I'd amount to nothing!

That SQL script I sent you that has only been tested on our local test DB server? Yeah, for God's sake, run it on your test server first before running it on the live system because I am not a wizard and it's not my fault if the entire database disappears in a puff of smoke.

03-20-2012, 11:57 PM

everything is gross.
100 percent beef patties with 5 percent filler
we never use gloves
if you piss off the order taker the people making the food WILL do gross things to it.

03-21-2012, 12:01 AM

everything is gross.
100 percent beef patties with 5 percent filler
we never use gloves
if you piss off the order taker the people making the food WILL do gross things to it.

The McDonald's I worked at was actually really clean. We didn't do stuff to the food, always used gloves, always cleaned tea urns.

03-21-2012, 12:56 AM
You are all awful people. And the reason why we can't have nice things.

03-21-2012, 01:10 AM
This thread has opened my eyes to the fact that fast food/restaurant people are about ten thousand times more vengeful than us retail sods.

03-21-2012, 02:38 AM
The store was clean. Everything meant the food

03-21-2012, 03:13 AM
This thread has opened my eyes to the fact that fast food/restaurant people are about ten thousand times more vengeful than us retail sods.

What about me? I worked as a waiter in a Pizza Hut and have spent the last 10 years or so working in Retail. Hell I must be some kind of monster!

As for shit we'd do in the restaurant? Well,

I worked in an area with a high Arabic Muslim community level. In fact a good 60% of our customers would be Arabic. you'd see them coming in a mile off especially the ones who didn't speak much English. When approaching them you'd go to take the order and they'd order a meat feast, everytime. We would politely inform them "I'll just double check this, you want a meat feast? I ask because it contains ham, pork and pepperoni, pepperoni is pork and beef mixed together. Are you sure that you would like to order a pizza containing pork?" The person ordering invariably would fail to understand us saying "pork" and "ham" and clearly just hear beef and confirm it. Sometimes if we were in a good mood we'd "screw the order up" and order them chicken supreme because they'd never complain anyhow and just eat it. If however we weren't in a good mood we'd deliberately put the order through.

18 minutes later I'm delivering a pizza laden with pork to a family of Muslims. Invariably they would look at it and go "This pizza has pork? Ham on it? We cannot eat this, it is against Islam" to which I would reply without fail "It's not pork, it's chicken and beef" and walk away they ate EVERY SINGLE SLICE and LOVED IT. They would love it so much that sometimes they'd order a second meat feast pizza from me and leave me a big tip to compliment me on my service. I never once felt guilty about feeding them pork, that shit was funny.

03-21-2012, 03:54 AM
TIL: I am an awesome worker and you guys are crybaby assholes.

Huckleberry Quin
03-21-2012, 04:02 AM