Why is Palmer so useless?

[Jiro]

Self explanatory. Discuss Palmer and all his shortcomings.

[Hollycat]

Lard.

[Rantz]

I don't remember what I answered to "Why is Keepa fat?", but it's probably the same answer.

[Gamblet]

Because he gets hit by a random truck when he is running away on his fat legs.

[Jinx]

His but is shaped like a duck-butt.

[Sephex]

Self explanatory. Discuss Palmer and all his shortcomings.

>shortcomings
>Palmer is the shortest adult in the game of any plot significance.

I'm on to you, Jiro. Well played.

[Jiro]

I'm not always a genius, but when I am, it's accidental.

[Hollycat]

I would like to point out bugenhagen is shorter.

[Jiro]

He floats a good foot above the ground though.

[Gamblet]

Well, he is millennium years old too, old people shorten up you know.

[Hollycat]

Also president shinra, don corneo, jenovas head.

[Rostum]

The game needed more Palmer moments.

[VeloZer0]

Cloud faced Rufus 1v2 whereas it took all three party members to stand up to Palmer.

Just saying...

[Jiro]

And then Palmer was defeated by a truck. Obviously the party was taking it easy.

[Jinx]

Did Palmer die after that?

Or did he just pull a Regina George?

[Jiro]

Not even as bad as Regina George. Who knows though, really.

[Rostum]

And then Palmer was defeated by a truck. Obviously the party was taking it easy.

I think that the party were just stunned in amazement of the fat sack of shit.

[Jinx]

Except the Palmer battle is really easy, and you can kill him in like, 5 shots.

[Rostum]

5 shots too many.

[Bubba]

The chubby twat does actually survive the hit from the removals truck. He speaks to you over the radio when you are in the rocket later in the game.

I think he said once that he's quite sensitive about his weight but to be honest I wasn't really listening to the flabby mong.

[Rostum]

Hmm, I wonder what ever happened to him then!

[Sum1sGruj]

Palmer was fat
His suit was brown
Like a brown egg with legs
Just hopping around

Rate hikes and lard
He thought he was hard
And challenged Cloud with no luck
Then got hit by a truck

The End

[Jiro]

pretty funny that palmer got hit by his own shinra truck. driver prolly thought he was a dick and ran him down on purpose

[ReloadPsi]

His carries nothing but a weapon that shoots black magic to defend himself. If you've seen the way I talk about black mages in the Early Days subforums then you know where I'm going with this.

[MJN SEIFER]

Did Palmer die after that?

Or did he just pull a Regina George? He survives. He is shown in the background during one of Shinra's meetings (which I thought was a mistake the first time), and then he contacts Cid during the rocket launch.

[Sylvie]

I don't understand why he isn't murdered.

[Mercen-X]

Indeed. Somebody murder Palmer.

[Bubba]

How do we even know he's still alive? His cholesterol was clearly dangerously high...

[Sephex]

He should have been in Advent Children. I would have liked to see him battle Sephiroth.

[Jiro]

Can you imagine how much money and time would have had to be spent animating the sweaty pores of Palmer's fat ass?

[Sephex]

Can you imagine how much money and time would have had to be spent animating the sweaty pores of Palmer's fat ass?

Worth every penny.

[Mercen-X]

*ahem* Bob Poundmax

[Hollycat]

You know what, I am actually going to stand up and support Palmer. Yes, he is a fat moron with a serious case of ADD, yes he gets hit by a truck. But look at this, he takes a TON of damage. He takes more damage than most bosses up to this point, meaning he is harder to kill than JENOVA, giant spiderant things, giant robots, and the zombie that nearly destroyed Red XIII's home.
And then, after being pounded on the party and mocking them constantly during the battle, he just merrily skips away, gets hit by a semi, and still survives. Either the party is a lot weaker than we think, or Palmer is one of the toughest guys on the planet. If he were more physically fit, he could probably replace cait sith, and be less annoying (however slightly) in the process.

[Jiro]

You pose a very good point. Palmer is a certifiable lard bad ass. I don't know why Palmer couldn't be the hero. That would've been awesome.

Save the planet in order to make your boss like you and support your space dreams!

[Sephex]

The problem is that Palmer has a Vicodin and Viagra addiction. But he has no woman so he whacks off furiously, but the Vicodin dulls the pleasure, so then his wrist gets all bent out of shape.

FFVII was a weird game.

[Jiro]

His suit did appear to have many weird blotches on it.

[Gamblet]

The problem is that Palmer has a Vicodin and Viagra addiction. But he has no woman so he whacks off furiously, but the Vicodin dulls the pleasure, so then his wrist gets all bent out of shape.

FFVII was a weird game.

This is why we can't have nice things! :(

[blackmage_nuke]

You know what, I am actually going to stand up and support Palmer. Yes, he is a fat moron with a serious case of ADD, yes he gets hit by a truck. But look at this, he takes a TON of damage. He takes more damage than most bosses up to this point, meaning he is harder to kill than JENOVA, giant spiderant things, giant robots, and the zombie that nearly destroyed Red XIII's home.
And then, after being pounded on the party and mocking them constantly during the battle, he just merrily skips away, gets hit by a semi, and still survives. Either the party is a lot weaker than we think, or Palmer is one of the toughest guys on the planet. If he were more physically fit, he could probably replace cait sith, and be less annoying (however slightly) in the process.

And all while doing a snazzy dance (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vCSRTHbnzKg). Even when being thrashed near death he has the stamina to keep the boogie going.

[Gamblet]

NO ONE KNOWS WHAT ITS LIKE,
TO BE PALMEEEER!
TO BE A FAT MAAAN!
BEHIND LARD DISGUISE!!!

...

[Bubba]

Palmer Palmer Palmer Palmer Palmer chameleon...
He comes and goes...
He's got fat toe-oo-oo-oes

[Sylvie]

No matter how you like, Palmer is as Palmer be
But don't you worry darling; the truck made him an amputee.