EoFF OREGON TRAIL - ROUND 3 is ongoing...

[Jinx]

I think those hills, much like Tifa's Boobs, need to be double teamed.

HEYO!

Ropes and chains


that sounds kinky

[Pike]

I think those hills, much like Tifa's Boobs, need to be double teamed.

That worked!

[Madame Adequate]

Oh no the wagon fell over

Let's get it upright again

And just leave all our shit lying on the groud.

:confused: This is some woman-tier logic right here. "Ooooh ewww the box it's in touched the ground we can't eat it now!"

[Agent Proto]

52 lbs of bacon??!? NOOOOO

[Sephex]

>check on thread
>see tipped wagon
>start laughing like Tidus at work
>people start staring

This is the greatest thread in ages.

[Del Murder]

I think we're just lucky the damn thing didn't explode on impact.

[Pike]

36464

Okay guys

I don't think "fording" is gonna work on this one.

[Agent Proto]

I hope you didn't mind the fact we lost 140 bullets, Del.

[escobert]

CAULK!

[Jinx]

cock it

[Pike]

We cocked that river nice and hard.

[Del Murder]

Got to ride that caulk baby!

[Jinx]

i like a nice hard caulking

[Pike]

THIS IS IT!

THIS IS THE MOTHER OF ALL RIVER CROSSINGS!

36465

[escobert]

dun dun dun. FORD IT! :D

[Del Murder]

[insert caulk pun here]

[Jinx]

FORD IT









but really no, caulk it

[Madame Adequate]

See who is around.

[Jinx]

See who is around.

seconded.

[Pike]

The river has been crossed. :jess:

[Del Murder]

Sure, I haven't shot anyone in hours.

EDIT: We'll kill people at the next one then.

[Madame Adequate]

Well I was thinking we might find some horrible little Stevelike gremlin creature to take us through his dank underground den to the other side, but crossing by caulking works too!

[Pike]

Unfortunately for Murd, shooting it is not an option.

36466

[Jinx]

Well I was thinking we might find some horrible little Stevelike gremlin creature to take us through his dank underground den to the other side, but crossing by caulking works too!

At the next river, Hux. *pat pat*

[Jinx]

Get advice.

[Del Murder]

Get advice? I only know shoot.

[Madame Adequate]

Oh no, poor Sarah :( Let's rest and let her recover :)

e; It is an animal Del it will not be capable of giving advice.

[escobert]

ABANDON

[Pike]

36467

There is admittedly something suspicious about a guy who just totes a guitar around everywhere like this

[Jinx]

36467

There is admittedly something suspicious about a guy who just totes a guitar around everywhere like this

What is Dwight from the Office doing here?!

[Pike]

Okay, I vote we SLOW DOWN.

[Agent Proto]

Let's shoot him while we're at it.

[Madame Adequate]

I vote we do whatever it takes to get away from that dead-eyed horror.

[Pike]

ARE THEY CREEPY UNDEADS AGAIN?

36468

[Madame Adequate]

Yes. Wait and see what they do. If they move towards us open fire.

[Jinx]

Wait to see what they do

[Pike]

36469

Phew, that was a close one :shobon:

[Del Murder]

I'll flank them while you guys wait.

[Jinx]

Is that little icon of a chinaman?

[Del Murder]

That's racist, Tifa's Boobs. It's obviously a Mexican.

[Agent Proto]

Yeah, your insensitive comment offends Julian.

[Pike]

It's actually a black guy.

[Pike]

Good news everyone! I took Murd hunting and we shot a bear. This is mostly good news because the old man was getting really trigger-happy.

36470

[Madame Adequate]

YES MORE KILLING

[Pike]

36471

WHO WANTS TO USE THE SUCTION METHOD ON PROTO?

[Jinx]

30 is so old

[Madame Adequate]

Bert. Bert does.

[Jinx]

GIVE HIM LOTS OF EXERCISE

[Agent Proto]

...ADVICE

[escobert]

Bert. Bert does.

[Pike]

36472

Yeah Proto, it's your own fault!

(I wonder whose fault this guy's crimes against fashion are, though!)

[Madame Adequate]

Victim-blaming privileged mustachioed freak imo

[Jinx]

36472[/ATTACH]92]

Yeah Proto, it's your own fault!

(I wonder whose fault this guy's crimes against fashion are, though!)


*notification pops up*

Tifa's Boobs has gone blind!

[Pike]

more like Iceglow.jpg

Edit: Okay, we're wrangling Burt into giving Proto the "suction method".

[Pike]

Oooh look you guys! We searched an abandoned wagon and it was full of sharp pointy things covered in dried blood! How exciting!

36473

[Agent Proto]

Yay, a knife!

[Madame Adequate]

Borax? Isn't that an explosive?

[Pike]

Good things happen when you go fishing with Bert as live bait.

36474

[Del Murder]

More implements of destruction. I love it.

34 pounds? That's as big as a dog.

[escobert]

:bigsmile:

[Madame Adequate]

That is a really, really bigass fish.

[Agent Proto]

That'll last us for a couple days! Makes up for the lost bacon.

[Jinx]

Good things happen when you go fishing with Bert as live bait.

36474

Chinook?


NOW'S WHO'S RACIST?

[Pike]

Haven't seen one of these in a while. What say you, team?

36475

[Madame Adequate]

FORD IT

[Jinx]

FORD IT

[Agent Proto]

FORD IT

[Pike]

We are rocking this river thing, guys. Forded successfully!

[escobert]

FORD IT


WOOOHOO

[Agent Proto]

Can't say that about the team of FAIL in the first game.

[Pike]

36476

LOOK YOU GUYS

WE HAVE AN OPTION TO KILL IT AND FLAY THE MEAT FROM ITS BONES!

:mwahaha:

[escobert]

WOOHOO! YUMMY

[Madame Adequate]

BUTCHER THE ANIMAL FOR MEAT

[Agent Proto]

MEAT

[Jinx]

BUTCHER

[Pike]

36477

:plotting:

[escobert]

Nice!

[Madame Adequate]

How the smurf does a gopher weigh 215lbs :O_O:

[Agent Proto]

We killed an injured Ox

[Jinx]

How the smurf does a gopher weigh 215lbs :O_O:

That's the fucking wild, MILF.

[Pike]

36478

Okay, what on earth were you kids doing back there? :colbert:

[Madame Adequate]

We killed an injured Ox

Wat.

Also, exercise the broken bone :kakapo:

[Jinx]

EXERCISE IT

[escobert]

set the bone!

[Agent Proto]

...my wrist?

[Jinx]

MILF, I like the way you think.


So first, Proto gets sick becaues he was playing with his snake, now he's broken his wrist?

[Agent Proto]

I hope it isn't the wrist to my dominant hand.

[Pike]

You know what's even worse than Proto breaking his wrist? Our team has very low morale. Apparently we haven't shot anything in a while!

[Pike]

36479

Alright, how do we want to tackle this thing?

I'll shoot some stuff while we decide.

[Madame Adequate]

Double-team it!

[Jinx]

ROPES AND CHAINS

[Pike]

Double-team it!

Double-teamed ourselves over the hill! Also, I shot another bear.

[Jinx]

NEXT HILL WE'RE USING ROPES AND CHAINS

[Sephex]

I always enter this thread at the most awkward times.

[Pike]

Another river. How shall we proceed? Ford?

36480

[Jinx]

Do you have to ask?

[Madame Adequate]

I think we're FORDING IT :D

[Pike]

Fording it is then! We made it across and then hit a hill. I used ROPES AND CHAINS, but we still tipped the wagon anyway :(

[Jinx]

:(

[Pike]

Oooh another one. This one says it's VERY STEEP.

Ropes and chains?

36481

[Madame Adequate]

Ropes and Chains!

[Pike]

Oh my! Ropes and chains worked this time :aimkiss:

[Jinx]

Ropes and Chains!

[Pike]

:save: CONGRATULATIONS TEAM 2! :save:

36482

[Madame Adequate]

Set the city to the torch. Kill all the men and boys, enslave the women. Oregon will not be fit for vultures to live in when we are done!

[Pike]

36483

Feels pretty great to be me. /smug

Now let's see how we scored compared to the last team!

[Jinx]

THE POTUS?

[Pike]

36484

36485

See that "Pike" in second place? That's us.

:save: CONGRATULATIONS TEAM 2 FOR A NEW HIGH SCORE! :save:

[Madame Adequate]

Must be pretty great if the Pres was convinced to go out to Oregon in the 19th century.

e; What now Sarah Starchild? Looks like we're better at traveling to Oregon after all :smug: :smug: :smug: :smug: :smug:

[Del Murder]

SMURF YEAH

[Pike]

Reservations for Team Three, to be played at a later date:

1. Hypoallergenic Cactuar
2. Værn
3. DarkBahamut
4.
5.

[escobert]

YAY WE WIN!

[Sephex]

Congrats to EoFF Team Two! I am so happy for you guys! :love:

Mother****ers got a better score.

[Shorty]

Must be pretty great if the Pres was convinced to go out to Oregon in the 19th century.

e; What now Sarah Starchild? Looks like we're better at traveling to Oregon after all :smug: :smug: :smug: :smug: :smug:

I was really looking forward to you being eaten by cannibals or drowning, but this just means I can devise a way to kill you myself <3

[Jiro]

Reservations for Team Three, to be played at a later date:

1. Hypoallergenic Cactuar
2. Værn
3. DarkBahamut
4.
5.

Yep just ignore Jiro nobody wants to take him to Oregan even he's been there and most of the way this journey goes anyway :aimmad: :aimmad: :aimmad:

[Pike]

Relax bro there's two empty spots, just holler if you want one :aimkiss:

[Sephex]

Reservations for Team Three, to be played at a later date:

1. Hypoallergenic Cactuar
2. Værn
3. DarkBahamut
4.
5.

Yep just ignore Jiro nobody wants to take him to Oregan even he's been there and most of the way this journey goes anyway :aimmad: :aimmad: :aimmad:

You have to ask, man!

I have to admit that after the fuss you put up, I will laugh if you die right away in round 3.

[Sir Lancealot]

I would like a spot.

[Quindiana Jones]

So Jiro and Lancealot got the last two places?

Tits.

[Freya]

Damnit I just keep barely missing!

[Jiro]

I wondered where this thread came from. I would like a spot in round 3. Though maybe round 3 should be Organ Trail (http://hatsproductions.com/organtrail.html).

EDIT: Also I been to the Laramie River. Good times.

Back on page 7 guys :aimsad:

[Pike]

I'm gonna slot Jiro in for next time regardless of if he actually said so or not :monster:

1. Hypoallergenic Cactuar
2. Værn
3. DarkBahamut
4. Jiro
5. Sir Lancealot

[Jiro]

If you weren't just so gosh darn cute...! :argh:

EDIT: Plus you know that with both Sir Lancealot and I, nothing can possibly go wrong.

Except Hypoallergenic Cactuar. Please don't sabotage us bro :(

(jk :greenie:)

[Quindiana Jones]

Either HC has researched Oregon Trail in its entirety and is going to carry the whole group to the finish with the highest score, or he's going to demand seven hats and a banjo and will be the first to die of dysentery.

[DarkBahamut]

Oh how I'm going to love eating all the food supply or just burning it all up

[Hollycat]

Why would I dis Terry?


I had a laptop built in 1998, the only computer I had till 2007, and the only game I had for it was...
Oregon Trail.

[Jiro]

I have two things I would like to make sure everybody is aware of before we begin this great trip across the mighty USA.

1. We need more bacon
2. We need more guns

That's all you need to be successful in life.

[Sephex]

I like Jiro's style.

[Quindiana Jones]

Hey, bacon and guns have already been done. Take hunting knives and candy, you pussies.

[Jinx]

Hey, bacon and guns have already been done. Take hunting knives and candy, you pussies.

Seconded.

[DarkBahamut]

Guys, I'm going to grow the longest beard anyone has ever seen.

[Quindiana Jones]

Might I also request that more decisions are handed to the players, and that more screenshots are taken? There's no need to rush a fun old time like this, Pike. :D

Of course, it's a given that the players can hand whatever decisions to Pike if they want.

[DarkBahamut]

LET THE VOYAGE BEGIN, ALREADY. DAMN.

[Pike]

Patience, patience.

Maybe tomorrow if I remember.

[Jiro]

Hunting knives and candy is not american at all. Let's just spend a lot of money on oxen and slaughter them when we run out of food.

[Jinx]

Hunting knives and candy is not american at all. Let's just spend a lot of money on oxen and slaughter them when we run out of food.

Good strategy. I see all that time in Montana with Pike and MILF paid off.

[Hollycat]

Hunting knives and candy is not american at all. Let's just spend a lot of money on oxen and slaughter them when we run out of food.

Where the heck in America did you get that idea.
Americans would rather attach a Ferrari to the front

[DarkBahamut]

Pikey :/ Can you please get to this?

[Pike]

When I'm not busy, broski

[Pike]

Okay guys, here's the deal. We aren't going to run this particular game all at one time like we have in the past. This is because we've got people from various timezones and whatnot like Jiro who might not be here at the same time as everyone else. So there might be some pauses here and there. Deal with it. :cool:

First thing's first; pick out a profession.

36571

[Jinx]

PASTOR

[Pike]

Oh, and these are the players this time around, in case some of you people who signed up already forgot!

OREGON TRAIL ROUND THREE

1. Hypoallergenic Cactuar
2. Værn
3. DarkBahamut
4. Jiro
5. Sir Lancealot

[Shorty]

sausagefest

[Sir Lancealot]

Butcher.

[Pike]

Butcher.

One vote for Butcher! Waiting for at least one other vote from a member of the team before we go forward :)

[Jinx]

PASTOR

so you can convert those damn mormons

[Shorty]

Watch out, a pastor is a target for mormons to convert, too.

[Hollycat]

blacksmith

[Pike]

That's one vote for butcher and one vote for blacksmith. Will someone break the tie?

As a reminder, here's what's at stake!

http://home.eyesonff.com/attachments/general-gaming-discussion/36571d1342645522-eyes-final-fantasy-oregon-trail-round-3-ongoing-oregon1.png

[DarkBahamut]

Butcher for me :D

[Pike]

Apologies for the delay. We lost internet at my house some time ago and I've no idea what the ETA is on getting it back.

[Værn]

Butcher sounds good to me.

[Pike]

Sorry about the delay there, folks. Anyways, it looks like we're going for the hardmode that is BUTCHER! We've only got $700 to start with, so we'll need to stretch the money and make every bit count! We'll have a bigger challenge ahead of us than either of the previous two teams.

36582

Now then, what's the general strategy for buying things before we head out?

This guy will get us all set up with six months worth of stuff if we want, but it will cost most of our money. Thoughts?

36583

[Hollycat]

5

[Værn]

If we get 6 months worth of supplies, the price is about $14/month cheaper. I don't see how we can pass up a deal like that.

[DarkBahamut]

6 months, I feel like it's good in the long run.

[Pike]

Anyone else on the team have any input before we go with six months? I figure I'll ask for confirmation here because it's a big chunk of money.

[Hollycat]

Fine, 6 months.

[Quindiana Jones]

You cowards. What happened to getting guns and bacon, or hats and hunting knives?

[Pike]

The six month supply package it is!

We've got just $92 left and we've still got to buy some sort of animal to haul our asses all the way to the other side of the country. Oxen are the cheapest and we'll probably need at least six.

Input?

36585

[Jinx]

9 oxen

[Rantz]

42 chickens.

[Hollycat]

Only buy hay.

[Værn]

Hay is for horses. I vote in favor of having a chicken-powered wagon.

[Sir Lancealot]

6 oxen sounds good.

[Pike]

6 oxen sounds good.

Anyone else think six oxen sounds like a plan?

(Sorry guys, but chicken and hay powered wagons will not get you out the front door. I know, terrible game mechanics.)

[DarkBahamut]

6 oxen for me!

[Hollycat]

I don't get why we bought so much food. As butcher, we get more meat from animals.

my vote is for 4 oxen

[Værn]

Fine. Six oxen and a chicken.

[Jiro]

Got any roos?

[Pike]

Fine. Six oxen and a chicken.

SOLD! Six oxen and a chicken will get us to Oregon, surely.

Oh wait.

36589

What should we do? We have $24.53.

[Quindiana Jones]

Sell all the useless shit and BUY MORE CANDY.

[Hollycat]

Put it all into
JGstHASo1t4

[Værn]

Get another ox. If one more is not enough, get another another ox. If that is not enough, add one more chicken.
Rantz and I knew that pure chicken power was the way to go :colbert:

[Jinx]

Get another ox. If one more is not enough, get another another ox. If that is not enough, add one more chicken.
Rantz and I knew that pure chicken power was the way to go :colbert:

And hay.

[Værn]

If we fail miserably and are unable to leave, is the reset button a valid strategy?

[DarkBahamut]

I say we don't move on ahead and get the Eo-EFF outta here and go to Vegas :kakapo::kakapo::kakapo:

Or drop an ox..

[Jiro]

I propose we forsake this journey west and instead head east. smurf Oregon, man. East coast is best coast.

Alternatively, we just sell some of the less essential things like clothing and food to buy another oxen. Then make then ride hard and long until one by one they die and we slaughter them for more meat. We will live off the bones of the fallen, brothers!

[Pike]

I bought one more ox and now they'll let us leave. :shobon:

Now which of these fine wagon trains do we want to hook up with?

36596

[Jinx]

holy shit train 1

[Quindiana Jones]

I want them to pick train 3, and see how long they last.

[Hollycat]

3

[Værn]

I'm also with train 3. Less people to split loot and experience with.

[Quindiana Jones]

Oh hell yeah. One more vote for 3, and then majority rules. This is going to be a jolly good laugh.

[Pike]

You know what? Two votes is good enough for me. And since we're pretty much out of money to buy stuff with, let's get this started!

Not a day into our journey and we've come across our first river. Two feet deep. What do we do, comrades? Ford it?

36597

[Jinx]

FORD IT

[Hollycat]

ALWAYS FORD

[Quindiana Jones]

See who's around! Beg for assistance! Give all your oxen away for a boat!

[Jinx]

Quin, you puss

[Pike]

ALWAYS FORD

One vote for Ford. Waiting for another confirmation from a member of the team!

[DarkBahamut]

FORD FORTH.

[Pike]

Congratulations on your first successful river crossing, Team 3! :raichu:

We trundled along for a few days and have run into ANOTHER! This one is deeper than the last one. Wat do?

36598

[Jinx]

fard eet

[Hollycat]

see whose around. Then FORD

[DarkBahamut]

We could take the ferry....but I'd rather just FOOOOOOORD ON.

[Sir Lancealot]

Ford.

[Jiro]

Holden.

wait, no, I mean Ford.

[Pike]

Team Three is going for the ford!

...

...

...alright, who was driving? Because I'm pretty sure that's not how to do it.

36606

We lost quite a bit of food there. Hopefully we don't run into any more rivers for a little whi- oh look.

36607

[Hollycat]

I want to say ford all the rivers, but 1 dollar isn't horrible for a ferry.

[Quindiana Jones]

It's to be expected when you try to ford a three foot river in an over-packed wagon!

[DarkBahamut]

Take the toll bridge for a dollar.

[Hollycat]

check the river conditions

[Pike]

The river conditions have been checked and are on display at the bottom of the last screenshot.

Also, be 100% sure you want to use the ferry! You guys have like, $11 to your name and five months left to go.

[Jinx]

If you guys take the ferry for this river, you're total pusses.

[Værn]

It doesn't look that treacherous to me.

[Hollycat]

GENERAL MOTORS IT!

[Rantz]

Everybody's been fording and caulking so far. You guys should try new things. Check who's around EVERYWHERE. Or wait/rest. Maybe some fun natives will show up! :D

[Værn]

Let's check who's around and use them to test just how dangerous this river is before fording it.

[Jiro]

Let's stand around. Ain't no grubbing ferryman goin' be taking my dollar bill yo. Fuck that. Let's use the natives at every chance, they owe us! We gave them pox riddled blankets and everything!

[Quindiana Jones]

We brought them civilisation at the expense of liberty, health and life. You're welcome, Indians.

[Sir Lancealot]

Stand around and check.

[Pike]

Okay, by popular demand, let's take a look around and see who's here.

36611

Okay, some sort of mountain man guy. That's not too bad, right? He'll know the lay of the land and stuff, right?

36612

Is... is that a threat? And does he have a gun?

We might want to back away slowly.

[Quindiana Jones]

Kill him, then go search for other people. Kill everybody you see. Kill the people who are demanding a toll. Then rope all the bodies together and use them as a makeshift ferry.

[Del Murder]

Check the bridge for trolls. If Psychotic is no where to be found, cross freely.

[DarkBahamut]

Let's rob the toll station.

[Pike]

My friends, you sadly cannot rob or kill anyone in this game. Other than your own party members. From diseases and "accidental" hunting accidents.

Shall we ford or ferry?

[Hollycat]

ford!

[Sir Lancealot]

Ferry.

[DarkBahamut]

Would ford, but didn't go well for us recently. FERRY.

[Jinx]

y'all a bunch a pusses

[Quindiana Jones]

Caulk!

[Jiro]

Just pay the toll. It's only a buck. We'll steal some cashmoney at another point.

[DarkBahamut]

Young Money. Cash Money. WEEZY F BAAAABY....(:( what am I doing with my life)

[Værn]

Do we still have my chicken? If it's still alive, ford the river. If the last river killed it, pay the toll.

[Jinx]

Sacrifice the chicken to the River Gods for safe passage.

[Pike]

Majority said toll, so toll it is!

Feels great to be down to like $9. Hopefully we can wrangle up some more cash somehow if we need it.

Anyways, here we are at the next river. This bugger's four feet deep.

36631

[Hollycat]

.....
See whose around. then ford it.

[Jinx]

Yeah, toll the 2 foot river, ford the 4 foot river.

Bunch of idiots, the lot of you.

[Hollycat]

It's either that or the 4th option and I don't like that word.

[DarkBahamut]

COCK IT.

[Værn]

COCK IT.
Do you really think Sam's idea of sacrificing the chicken to the river gods is going to work? :colbert:

[Jiro]

Ditch the wagons, continue on foot. It's just been slowing us down anyway!

(Caulk it. If shit goes wrong, we can simply sail downstream a ways.)

[Sir Lancealot]

Caulk.

[Pike]

Opting to caulk it like it's hot. This shouldn't be too difficult; we'll just float across the river nice and gently. In fact, we'll float right into this rock here. That's a great idea. Right guys? Right?

36639

...right?

Okay, okay, so we lost a bunch of stuff. Again. But nobody died! So that's okay.

Our oxen aren't very happy, though. Running into a rock is very exhausting.

36640

Why our oxen look like horses, I have no idea.

[Hollycat]

MAKE THE FUN DOUBLE

[Jinx]

xD


that's all I can say, really

[Quindiana Jones]

Shoot them, then immediately regret every decision you've made.

[DarkBahamut]

Looks like the river gods didn't like my chickens, huh Vaern....

Let em rest.

[Sir Lancealot]

Rest.

[Jiro]

Double time! The weak will never get stronger if they do not work hard!


In fact, we'll float right into this rock here. That's a great idea. Right guys? Right?

Wrong. Bad idea! Next time we get to a river, you go first. Alone.

[Værn]

Let's lighten the wagon load. What's the worst that could happen?

[NeoCracker]

I know I'm not involved in this, but Double-Teaming the animals seems like the only logical option.

[Jiro]

If we're lightening the load then I suggest we dump Pike :jess:

[Pike]

If we're lightening the load then I suggest we dump Pike :jess:

:colbert:

[DarkBahamut]

If we're lightening the load then I suggest we dump Pike :jess:

I would have to disagree. Pike is the only reason I'm on this voyage.

[Pike]

If we're lightening the load then I suggest we dump Pike :jess:

I would have to disagree. Pike is the only reason I'm on this voyage.

HA TAKE THAT!

Have we all voted to double-team? If so, we'll pick this up again when I come home from work.

[NeoCracker]

Just saying, that means if Pike is tossed, the you ALSO lose the extra cargo of Dark Bahamut.

[Jiro]

Two fer one! :bigsmile: But seriously, double team those slack fucking oxen. Not resting when there's work to be done. We need to settle the west!

[Pike]

Okay, double-teamed and continuing onward!

We had a bit of an exciting event. A buffalo stampede! Now's our time to go shoot them all and really stock up on food, right?

36666

...ooorrr we can just leave most of it there. :(

Anyways, not long after that we arrived at an exciting fort! Do we want to go inside and take a look around? Bear in mind if you want to buy anything that we're pretty much broke.

36667

[Hollycat]

Ford IT