EoFF OREGON TRAIL - ROUND 3 is ongoing...

[DarkBahamut]

All the bottom three options.

[Værn]

>Fire eleven times
>Bring back one eleventh of what we managed to kill

Also, I'm with DarkBahamut. All three look reasonable. We can wait to ford it until we've looked around a bit.

[Jiro]

Visit the fort. Open any pots, cupboards and treasure chests you find. Then leave.

[DarkBahamut]

Visit the fort. Open any pots, cupboards and treasure chests you find. Then leave.

Final Fantasy style haha. Walk into peoples' houses and take their stuff and just leave.

[Jiro]

You know it brother :aimsun:

[Madame Adequate]

Smells burnt.

[Pike]

We walked into the fort and found this guy:

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Yes that's right bro, go on and walk the 200 miles back by yourself. :eyebrow: Wuss.

Now then, do we want to stock up on any supplies or anything while we're here? We have about $12.

[Hollycat]

pardon?

So long

buy 13 bullets.

buy prostitute for $2

Have her go earn $50, keep 40, she gets 10.

buy more prostitutes.

rinse, repeat.

eventually a large city like las vegas will form around your pimp town, rule the city, expand over the next 600 years to having a 30% stake in the national annual budget, threaten to cut off the government unless you are given the entire state of new york, Sell new york to Northern Mexico (canada having been conquered by first Japan in 2137 and then mexico in 2380) for $100,000,000,000,000.99, buy small island country in the pacific ocean, begin building metropolis, name it whore island. everyone comes to island, island expands and grows for 200 years. Buy Japan and Madagascar, Make them themed whore islands, one with only asians, and one with only every other race and kinky things, continue to take in revinue for 300 years. Purchase siberia for $12, use magnetic pulses to heat up Siberia and wait 300 years for it to become a tropical paradise, create new nation. Over the next 1000 years por all extra revenue into creating a quantum teleporter. Teleport to equestria. Profit. Don't get cholera.

[Quindiana Jones]

You know, I think HC is on to something. I think you should do that.

[DarkBahamut]

Only if HypoCactuar is the prostitute.

[Quindiana Jones]

With a pretty face like that, he has to be.

[Hollycat]

My milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard.

[Jinx]

My milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard.

Your johnnycakes*

[Jiro]

I knew there was a reason we brought him with us. Brilliant. I say we just keep hiking and killing animals for delicious meat.

[Pike]

I knew there was a reason we brought him with us. Brilliant. I say we just keep hiking and killing animals for delicious meat.

Feeling rejuvenated, Jiro headed out into the perilous wilderness in search of wild game. Unfortunately he came across the wrong type of critter.

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[Hollycat]

Let's just let him die as fast as possible, give patient lots of exercise.

[Jiro]

I will suck the venom out myself. No need to let this inconvenience the trip. Oregon must be settled no matter what.

[Quindiana Jones]

What's the problem? Australians are immune to venom.

[DarkBahamut]

Where's the "Become Bane" option? He could use the venom as the steroids.

[Sir Lancealot]

Suction method.

[Værn]

I vote for exercise.

Judging by DarkBahamut's suggestion to use the venom as steroids, it seems that he also believes exercise to be the appropriate choice. That makes three votes against two.

[Jiro]

You bastards are going to try and kill off an australian? I'll show you.

[Værn]

We're not trying to kill you. That rattlesnake is. And it may finish you off yet if we don't get your blood flowing so those white blood cells can do their job. :colbert:

[Pike]

So you want to test Jiro's strength and fortitude, eh? We'll see how this goes. So far so good; it's been a few days since that fateful night and Jiro is feeling OK. This is easy mode for an Aussie.

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Meanwhile, we've met our next river. Wat do?

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[Quindiana Jones]

Use Jiro as a raft.

[Hollycat]

Chevy the river


My milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard.

Your johnnycakes*

You are obviously new here.

[Jiro]

USE ME AS A RAFT. THE WATER WILL WASH AWAY THE VENOM.

[Pike]

By using Jiro as a raft, we were able to successfully cross the river without incident! Things continued well for a few days, BUT THEN! :eek:

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[Hollycat]

Coninue as usual. Lighting goes for the highest point, so it really shouldn't matter where we are, we are on a plain and will always be the highest point. Better to keep moving and hopefully avoid the storm.

[Jiro]

Get advice. Maybe there are some indians around who know a dance to make lightning fuck off? If not, full steam ahead because lightning doesn't scare me!

[Quindiana Jones]

Maybe the lightning will burn away the venom?

[Jiro]

Have me run around with my arm stuck up in the air!

[DarkBahamut]

SMURF YOU THUNDER. YOU CAN SMURF A SMURF. YOU CAN'T GET US THUNDER, CUZ YOU'RE JUST GOD'S FARTS.

[DarkBahamut]

DA SMURF HAPPENED TO THIS THREAD? I don't care about double posting, we're stuck in the middle of a journey.

[Jiro]

Don't panic; we clearly decided to wait this colossal storm out.

[Pike]

DA SMURF HAPPENED TO THIS THREAD? I don't care about double posting, we're stuck in the middle of a journey.

Relax; I've been giving it a few days between posts because I think some of our travelers disappeared (quit posting) and I was hoping they'd come back. We'll pick it up again today.

[Quindiana Jones]

Those who fall behind get left behind. :colbert:

[Pike]

We got out of the thunderstorm okay :shobon: That should count as our scary natural disaster for this game right?

...or wait.

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[Hollycat]

continue as usual.
Move along, nothing to see here.

[Jiro]

Nah fuck that I know walking through the fire and flames would be kickass but we've got guns and shit and plus our wagon is made of wood and our oxen aren't immune to fire damage so we need to wait this one out :(

[Hollycat]

Nah smurf that I know walking through the fire and flames would be kickass but we've got guns and tit and plus our wagon is made of wood and our oxen aren't immune to fire damage so we need to wait this one out :(

What if we cast Reflect on the party?

[Sir Lancealot]

Wait.

[Pike]

The people have voted wait. So we waited for the fire to pass, and it did soon enough! :monster:

Now we're at our next river. The Laramie River! Perhaps we should ask Jiro for advice; he knows this area rather well. Or so he claims.

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As a reminder we have $12.50.

[Pike]

"POST MORE PIKE POST MORE"

So I did and now look! :mymelbert:

[Jiro]

I been there before. Don't worry. We just ford it. No dramas.

[Sir Lancealot]

Ford it.

[Hollycat]

Cock the wagon and float

[Pike]

Two votes ford, one vote caulk. Any final input from anyone?

[Quindiana Jones]

Wear the wagon as a hat.

[Jiro]

Hat rhymes with mat and mats go in your car and ford is a type of car.

[Rantz]

I agree with Quin, so that's two votes for ford, one vote for caulk, and two votes for hat.

Edit: Is that three for hat?

[Quindiana Jones]

I think Jiro's answer counts as one for hat and one for ford.

[Jiro]

Let's do both!

[Rantz]

Proof that it's a perfect match:

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[Quindiana Jones]

This river crossing just became badass.

[Jiro]

If that poison gets me, I want to be buried here on the banks of the Laramie River, the site where we were joined by an angelic apparition of Indy.

[Quindiana Jones]

I hate snakes!

[Pike]

So what happened next? Was the angelic Ford able to help our heroes across the river?

...

...

...Jiro's snake was apparently on board.

36899

Well, damn. Fortunately no one was hurt, although Indy was nowhere to be seen after that.

And as if to add insult to injury, we're now at ANOTHER river, which just so happens to be the exact same sort as the last one. Do we want to attempt to invoke the blessing of Ford again?

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[Quindiana Jones]

Caulk that wagon like it's its wedding night!

[Hollycat]

Cock it like a ... somthing funny.

[Jiro]

Let's just caulk it. Nothing can go wrong when you get your caulk on.

[Pike]

Caulking went well. Our group seems to like the caulk.

Anyways we went on our merry little way without incident for a while and now we've found another river. Shall we ride the caulk again?

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[Jiro]

Sweetwater? GET IN THERE. JUST SWIM. IT'S OKAY, IT'S DELICIOUS.

[Shorty]

Don't listen to Dakoda, he wants you to drown.

[Hollycat]

ford

[Pike]

Another successful river crossing! :)

Unfortunately we've got a little surprise on the other side. :monster:

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[Jinx]

Use Hypo as a bridge.

[Hollycat]

Use item Tifa's Boobs to motorboat across.

You know. Because you can do that on sand.

[CimminyCricket]

Wait for conditions to improve.

[Jiro]

Put the weakest animal up front. Only the strong shall survive!

[Hollycat]

continue as usual, quicksand is bullsalmon.

[Sir Lancealot]

I agree with Jiro.

[Pike]

No one died in the quicksand! Must be that Aussie know-how.

But then OH GOD GIANT GRASSHOPPERS EVERYWHERE D:

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[Jinx]

Haha, that's great! I bet HC is the one in the dress being a puss.

[Værn]

There's no option to use a flyswatter against them? :(

[Iceglow]

If you wait they'll likely eat all your supplies and you!

[Hollycat]

EAT THEM

http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRAtGKR3u96g0Ek1SV1oPinWrU987ROvHfGA5orevp6uvJ9kmauqw5MUYxs

[Jiro]

They're only grasshoppers. Harness them and fly toward Oregon!

[Pike]

Guys there was something seriously wrong with those grashoppers.

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37160

TWO of us have colds now.

What do? :eek:

[Jiro]

We look eerily similar. Just continue as usual. Man flu won't keep either of us down.

[Quindiana Jones]

Where's the option to Man the Hell Up?

[Jiro]

That's the "ingest vinegar" option.

[Hollycat]

Increase fluid intake for me. Abandon, he's a lost cause tp JIRO

[Jinx]

goddamn jiro's a fucking puss

[Pike]

We have decided to man up and continue as usual. Time to put you guys to the test.

In the meantime, here's an "extremely treacherous" river.

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[Jiro]

Gotta caulk this one baby.

[Hollycat]

Ford this thing like it's June 16, 1903.

[Pike]

We forded the river uneventfully and continued on for quite some time before reaching... another river!

I think we're getting close to the end, guys! :excited:

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[Rantz]

This is the most exciting game I've ever played.

[Jiro]

It's called Raft River, so that means we should caulk and turn our wagons into a raft. Right?

WRONG

We ford it because gosh darn this game is trying to trick us.

[Pike]

This is the most exciting game I've ever played.

RIVERS

RIVERS EVERYWHERE

[Sir Lancealot]

Ford.

[Jinx]

waterski

[Værn]

Waterskiing sounds like a great idea. We can do that, right?

[Pike]

Waterskiing? Sure, why not.

I don't think the oxen were impressed with that plan, though.

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[Jiro]

Pathetic animals! Doubleteam them and let's show some hustle baby!

[Quindiana Jones]

Spit roast them.

[Pike]

GUYS WE ARE ALMOST THERE

ARE WE SERIOUSLY GOING TO LET A BUNCH OF ROCKS STOP US? :mad2:

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[Sir Lancealot]

Try to clear the path.

[Rantz]

Wait for conditions to improve. Like, a tectonic shift or something. :greenie:

[Quindiana Jones]

Ask the rocks for advice.

[Jinx]

Continue on!

[Jiro]

Move those fucking rocks out of my way. I've caught the flu twice and been fucking bitten by a snake, I'm not letting some fucking rocks stop me.

[Pike]

Apparently our team is made up of wusses because we failed to move the rocks and we had to wait for another team to clear them for us :zombert:

Anyways then we continued onward and YOU GUYS WE ARE ALMOST THERE, THIS IS ONE OF THE LAST RIVERS TO CROSS, LET'S NOT MESS THIS ONE UP

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[Jiro]

3 and 1/2 oh god why couldn't it be 3 ft or 4 ft I would know what to do then

lets just ford it

if we sink then that other team can save us I guess

give them a higher score

[Pike]

My apologies that I'm so far behind on this. I was busy at work and then I conveniently lost internet access. I'll update this as soon as my internet comes back. (I think Jiro is the only one who is really left in this thread, anyway.)

[Quindiana Jones]

I'm still watching this with great enthusiasm, Pike. Keep on chugging, girl!

[Pike]

Aww thanks Quin :aimkiss:

Okay guys, okay we're going to ford the river

Blame Jiro if this all goes to hell

...
...

WE SUCCESSFULLY MADE IT ACROSS

OH GOD WE'RE LIKE TWO DAYS AWAY FROM OREGON

BUT WHAT, WHAT JUST HAPPENED

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[Jinx]

Someone needs to die. :colbert:

[Sir Lancealot]

Continue onwards.

[Lonely Paper Star]

This is fun to watch. I have my popcorn ready.

[Jiro]

Just put him in the fucking wagon and keep going gosh why is this even an event :confused:

[Hollycat]

Shoot him in the face before he turns zombie.