Marick D. Pauper Plays The Political Machine 2012!!!!!

[Dignified Pauper]

What, you've never heard of it? Well let me tell you what it is... This game is more of a simulation of the campaign, but you can put in your own candidate!

I was actually gifted this game by a benefactor on this forum. They may reveal themselves if they wish to become unanonymous... Anyway, let's meet our Candidates...

THE INCUMBENT


http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00002.jpg

President Barack Obama!!!!

Responsible for such stateside attrocities like Obama Care, suppressing Christian Rights, supporting the Homosexual Agenda, raising the deficit and a firm believer that the Government builds jobs. He's famous for the "you didn't build that." What a schmuck.


THE CHALLENGER!!!!

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00001.jpg

Weighing in at 125 Lbs, BEATRICE STONE! She's a newbie to the Republican Party, and a strong Tea Party supporter. She believes that America is a Christian Nation, opposes abortion and homosexuals, is outspoken about Obama Care's rationing of the health system, slams him for not reducing the deficit. She is mean, rhuthless, and driven by GOD!


Stay tuned for exciting details...

[Psychotic]

This looks cool and all, but I've been down this road far too many times with you before Marick, and it hurts me every time because I just want to believe. In fact let's all take bets on how many updates are made before the inevitable abandonment.

[Dignified Pauper]

I'm just going to ignore Paul... with encouragement like that, I find myself ALREADY discouraged to finish. *closes thread*

But seriously.


------------------------------------------------------------

The First Five Weeks

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00004.jpg

We start in our home states. Beatrice was born in the Rocky Mountains of Colorado. Obama was a city boy, raised his campaign in Chicago. He took the L traaaaiiiinnn gooin' anyyyyyywhere. (Specifically Washington D.C.)

We hold a Sizeable chunk of the Mountainous West and the Desert States, and Texas is fairly easy to win over! We also have some sway in the south as well. However, that Obama has California, Ohio, and the population of New England seems to be intense. We have a lot of work to do, so lets get started.

First thing's first... Go on the ATTACK!

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00005.jpg

Illegal Immigrants are stealing jobs from hard working Americans. We oppose them from coming into our country uninvited and working for lower wages. There are Americans out there willing to pick tomatoes, dig ditches, sweep trash, and live 20 to a room!

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00007.jpg

We're also going to upgrade a campaign HQ in Denver. This is imperative, as our HQ provides a steady flow of cash for the campaign. Don't you say those phone banks don't work! We're raising $30,000 weekly now from just one phone bank! Obama can't match how Big Business fights to keep Republicans rich!


While we're at it, let's run a campaign exposing Obama for the elderly killer he is!!!

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00009.jpg

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00010.jpg

It's SUPER EFFECTIVE! That Obama won't know what hit him. He'll be all like:

http://www.poundmag.com/files/2813/1223/4171/obama-stressed-face.jpg: OH NO! MY OBAMACARE!!!

We got him on the run now!

Our Next order of business should be to get some Endorsements... Let's go to TEXAS!

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00008.jpg

We build a Consulting Office in order to get ourselves some endorsements. Our first one will be the obvious new movement...

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00015.jpg

Tea Partiers are united against Obama! They can't stand his liberal agenda, his culture war or his skin color!

http://www.frugal-cafe.com/public_html/frugal-blog/frugal-cafe-blogzone/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/cincinnati-protest2-march-20092.jpg

OH BOY! We have REAL patriots on our side now!

While we've got them on our side, let's really show them how much we care... by asking for money!

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00016.jpg

A small amount. It'll have to do.

And just to make certain that the voters know I'm not just some money grubbing lady, with a nice suit and hot knockers...

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00017.jpg

WE NEED MORE JOBS!

At this point, we're oblivious to Barack nObama. (c wot I did thar) But here's a recap of the fifth week...

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00018.jpg

[Madame Adequate]

This is great and I hope you smash NOBUMMER into dust and impose your Republican agenda

[Dignified Pauper]

Weeks 6-10

Let's take a look at what states know about us. We need to be known about in order to get votes, afterall:

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00026.jpg

Oh dear, we're not doing so well.

Let's size up what's happening:

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00028.jpg

Currently, we are trying to show the Seniors of Florida how bad the Obamacare is! Don't take away their Medicare to fund socialism!!!! WE VEHEMENTLY OPPOSE! In fact, we opened a television ad in Ohio to express this exact point! That OBAMA CARE WILL RAISE DEFICITS!


http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00019.jpg

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00029.jpg


As you can see, we've got Ohio, Texas and Colorado squared away, and the heartland is predominantly ours. Nobama holds an electoral college lead over us, but only slightly.

You can also see our Consultant down in South Carolina. We've also run some smear TV ads against Obama for being prospending! WE HAVE A DEFICIT! WE NEED TO CUT SPENDING! CUT TAXES!

However, although Beatrice Stone is a staunch conservative, mother of 3, and Christian, that didn't stop THIS from happening!

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00020.jpg

tit!? Women hate us? What the hell are we going to do!?

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00022.jpg

Talk more...

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00023.jpg

Beg More...

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00025.jpg

And secure the Chamber of Mothersmurfing Commerce in our favor! uMad Liberals? Big Money is on MY side!

And then there are the polls...

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00027.jpg

Who cares about Polls! It's early! We have 36 weeks left... smurf the people, we can buy their love!

And then...

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00032.jpg

ANOTHER ENDORSEMENT!? Well, it's the union. WE expected it. Always asking for handouts from big business, and then threatening the shut down of business by protesting. It's because the government has set a standard for minimum wage that has made these workers so entitled.

Then there is the Media...

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00033.jpg

These people don't know what is good for them. Beatrice Stone will fix everything! AUSTRIAN ECONOMICS! CHRISTIAN CONSERVATISM! ARE THESE PEOPLE BLIND!? And where are our business deals!?

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00034.jpg

We needed more money... What's wrong with us? Why aren't we winning... Maybe it's Beatrice's looks...

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00037.jpg

CHACHING! We'll hire someone to make her look more Presidential! That's just the key!

And before the old wise up to these antics, let's make certain the know where they stand ...

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00039.jpg

Beatrice Stone supports Social Security for seniors!

What does Barnack Obamer support?

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00040.jpg

BAILOUTS! Banks! Autos! Terrible Borrowers! Just bail out everyone he says! Not on our watch!

With all our steamrolling of ads, we finally secure the endorsement we most wanted:

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00042.jpg

Take that you Muslin!

Then we fly to Illinois...

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00044.jpg

Holy Moly! A movie director wants to do our advertising! Yes! Take that liberal hollywood! One of your own has joined us and is now promoting freedom, liberty and Jesus.

We also picked up Oklahoma!

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00045.jpg

Apparently, our exploits in the Eastern Seaboard has helped out! So let's take advantage and fly back to Texas.

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00047.jpg

Holy Moly! Best fundraiser yet!

While we're here... It's speech time:

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00048.jpg

Bank bailouts... Banks got bailed out! We got sold out! - I think that was our line?

But all of this sure is costly...

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00049.jpg

And what's this...

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00050.jpg

MICHIGAN IS HOTLY CONTESTED!!! We hadn't even visited yet! They clearly know that Jesus has picked Beatrice to be their compatriot!

Might as well use the money we just made...

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00051.jpg

Upgrading the consulting office. Half a mil, but whatever... write it off to the Chamber of Commerce please. Also, get me more endorsements!

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00052.jpg

Did I mention we were spending money really quickly?


http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00053.jpg

It was a lovely day to Fly to Michigan after soaking the Texans. But we had a message to deliver:

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00054.jpg

That Beatrice Stone supports reducing deficit spending. Too long has Washington been wasteful with our tax dollars! So much so that they have driven unemployment up and up. It seems like the perfect time to talk about it too!

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00055.jpg

but then...

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00056.jpg

Go figure...

We'll see who the poor colored people really favor!

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00057.jpg

Hmmm, not us.

Well, let's open a center in Michigan, and then leave it at that... with a Spin Doctor to pick up the mess.

Onwards to...

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00061.jpg

West Virginia! Those Rednecks need to know how we feel about ObamaCare. It's not enough to know that Obama supports it. They need to know that we OPPOSE IT!

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00062.jpg

And now the time has come...

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00064.jpg

Who will we pick?

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00065.jpg

(I had no idea that Paul Ryan was going to be the IRL VP Nominee when I played this last night...)

WOOOO PAUL RYAN! DEFICIT HAWK FROM WISCONSIN!

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00066.jpg

Welcome to the map of the big leagues, P.R.

We're now squaring off against Obama and Pelosi... yuck.


(I'm pretty positive I probably am past week 10... whatever... it doesn't matter... I'm just going to complete something for once.)

[Peegee]

I agree with paul. this is just bad.

[Psychotic]

That map isn't looking healthy for you. Sure, you got Florida, but how the smurf does a Republican lose Louisiana and Arkansas? Go get your filthy home state of Ohio before it's too late. And by "too late" I mean "before you stop updating this thread" which I assume is imminent given that we have had 3 updates now.

[Madame Adequate]

Ahahahaha what son how on earth did you lose Arkiesaw and Louisianny?

I'm enjoying this though, do not cease.

[Pike]

OH MAN IS THIS LIKE PRESIDENT ELECT FOR APPLE II

[Jowy]

The joke is that the Republicans are doing this RIGHT NOW and shooting themselves in the foot.

[Dignified Pauper]

Whatever Weeks?

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00067.jpg

Ohio is a key battleground state, and it's imperative that we capitalize on the fact that Barnarck Osama said that you didn't build your business? Really, you think government did?! Taxes are the problem! Bless and honor the entrepreneur! He's almost as important as Jesus!

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00068.jpg

Fundraising is not going well...

And in a surprise turn:

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00070.jpg

The National Civil Liberties Union has endorsed us. (Think of this as the ACLU) Take that Borrack Nosama. The country is on to you! You hate America!

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00071.jpg

The liberal media hates us! We haven't dropped in popularity, so much that Brorack Hussein Osama has just wooed the populace with magic fairy dust wishes.

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00072.jpg

Adding insult to injury...


Time to open a new HQ. This time in...

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00073.jpg

PA!

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00075.jpg

Here's an update. Nancy Pelosi is sitting in her home of Cali. She isn't doing anything but campaigning. I've got Paul Ryan in the Midwest! Hot diggity, look at all those battle ground states!

My opponent is now moving into the farmlands of central US. What a worthless and futile attempt!

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00076.jpg

It's true. All he does is tax and spend!

What else?

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00078.jpg

That's right! He supports the government controlling your healthcare! We didn't read the bill, but we were told what was in it.

And while we're in Pennsylvania

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00079.jpg

These saps are pretty damn poor... We need to increase this by five fold..


Time to move to the West Coast! And what do we get?

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00080.jpg

A KOOK! He's going to be giving documentaries to really show just how awesome we are!

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00081.jpg

Obama is in Florida, trying to stop my message of truth, justice, and christ from reaching the elderly. He's POISON to this country.

And now, I'm battling Pelosi for California.

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00082.jpg

TV Ads are super important. Afterall, this is where Americans get their news.

Also:

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00083.jpg

No news is good news?


Time to really bring home the thunder!

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00085.jpg

We are going to REPEAL OBAMA CARE! We REFUDIATE the largest single tax increase in the past century!

And then, we're gonna host a super fancy fundraising dinner:

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00086.jpg

(This just in, Californians are as rich as they are stupid.)

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00087.jpg

And we've got the foreign policy thugs on our side. Take that Burnackrobama!

And then, National News hits us up!!!

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00088.jpg

Bill O'Malley!!! He's our idol. We know he'll be with us all the way!

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00089.jpg
http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00090.jpg
http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00091.jpg
http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00093.jpg
http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00094.jpg
http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00095.jpg
http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00096.jpg

We both end with similar smirks. We know we just crushed those Liberal Lemmings! So much so that:

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00097.jpg

BOOM! TAKE THAT!

And while we've ended on the topic of Deficit Reduction, and we're in New Jersey,

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00098.jpg

We're going to make certain the NorthEast knows our name!

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00099.jpg

Jesus Christ on a stick! Everyone in this nation is cheap. Don't they know we need to win!

Onwards to the South!

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00100.jpg

A new HQ is mandatory in Georgia.

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00101.jpg

Looks like it was a wasted effort...

But...

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00103.jpg

It looks like we've got the NGOA on our side! We can't be beat with Christ, Guns, Liberty on our side! Let Freedom Ring!

And let's get to the heart of the matter on every Georgian's mind:

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00105.jpg

Gay Marriage... just thinking about it makes us sick, and we spend a lot of time thinking about it because they just throw it in our faces.

And here's where we'll end:

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00107.jpg

Obama is desperately trying to sway Michigan back to Blue.

Pelosi hasn't done anything.

Paul Ryan has stayed in the Midwest, keeping those states firmly contested.

And our glorious candidate, Beatrice Stone, is wooing the South with her Rocky Mountain charm. John Denver, eat your heart out.

[Psychotic]

Idaho, Montana, Tennessee and Ole Miss too? You are really having your ass handed to you, aren't you? Poor old Marick. :squeeze:

[Jiro]

You better not lose this election Marick. I will be very disappointed in you.

[Raistlin]

Real life campaigns are terrible enough that I don't think I could bear playing a simulation. But I will say that you made a terrible choice with Ryan as VP. If Stone was serious about Jesus, she would have picked Rick Santorum; and if she was serious about entertaining us, she would have picked Herman Cain.

Also, Obama is kicking your ass on that latest map.

[Dignified Pauper]

Raistlin, I don't need your sass...

[Dignified Pauper]

At This Point, We've Just Lost Track

Campaign spirits are discouraged at this point:

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00109.jpg

The media just keeps hammering us.

Time to bust out the trump card...

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00110.jpg

That's right! We're gonna start calling him a Muslin! Ain't no Muslin gonna take God outta our schools, off our money, or outta our lives! What better place to spread God's wrath than in California!

While we're here:

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00113.jpg

Ah, that's nice. We can always count on Hollywood conservatives to give generously. Thank you Ben Stein.

Also, how can our business leaders promote job growth!

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00114.jpg

Via higher taxes, he is crippling job creators!

Oh crap! We almost forgot we had a 3:30 event booked in Texas...

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00116.jpg

This just in: Texans are half as generous as Californians.

And then we had to fly back to Cali... our work wasn't done:

More importantly:

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00117.jpg

It's a battleground state! Let's capitalize on our ever increasing popularity!

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00119.jpg

That was fun, but we have a speaking event scheduled back in Cleveland!

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00121.jpg

About Unemployment. This is serious! We need to put our economy in God's hands. Get government out of the way, and just pray the recession away!

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00122.jpg

Stinginess is not next to Godliness...

I decided to let Paul Ryan move over to Cali to battle Nanci Pelosi.

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00123.jpg

Beatrice keeps asking: "Marick, why does the map have so much more blue?"

I assure her that everything changes near the end of the election...

Instead I convince her to:

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00124.jpg

We just need more money. That BurrrockroBrama just keeps making money like crazy.

And now, off to Wisconsin:

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00128.jpg

We need to oppose oppressive labor and state unions that threaten to run up state budget deficits. The theme in Wisconsin is that Scott Walker is close to God, so he must be right.

However, what we found out is that the Wisconsinians (?) have donated all their spare money to the church that they barely had anything left over for us:

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00129.jpg

Running low on funds, we high tail it back to our bank: California.

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00130.jpg

Our work in Wisconsin didn't pay off:

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00131.jpg

Beatrice is alarmed at our results, but I assured her that everything is fine. We're just getting ready to launch a surprise attack that no one suspects...

Then she threw this on my desk:

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00132.jpg

I had to admit, the polls didn't look good. But I assured her that the polls were just that, polls. They didn't accurately reflect public opinion. We still had plenty of time... I think.

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00133.jpg

Oh no! We're almost out of time!

[escobert]

Well you obviously need to do more campaigning in Vermont! Did you even go to NH?

[Madame Adequate]

This is gonna be good!

[Jiro]

Oh shit man. Better start praying. Those dirty Democrats are going to make our great nation into a godless, faggot loving hell on earth! :(

[The Man]

You mean they haven't already? :monster:

[Dignified Pauper]

Finale!

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00134.jpg

OH MY GOODNESS! THE WIRE!!!

We have to WIN CALIFORNIA FROM THE GODLESS LIBERALS!!!

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00135.jpg

There's not an alternative! If we can take California, we may not win, but we will have the moral victory!

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00136.jpg

Time to go back to our HQ back in Colorado! We're going to throw the biggest party of the campaign, and win or lose, we'll still be drinking the blood of Christ.

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00138.jpg

Oh, and this is a map of where we are well known...

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00139.jpg

And here are the national polls:

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00142.jpg

(I didn't realize that random electoral votes would dramatically mess things up... Some states had like 70, and some really populated ones were super low.... everything was randomized... whoops.)


As the results came in:

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00149.jpg

We knew we lost New England. We only went to New York once... We didn't go to any other state...

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00153.jpg

The next batch of states started setting the tone. Beatrice was clinging to her Bible and speaking in tongues.. We were all a little worried.

Then...

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00154.jpg

A shining beacon of hope in the South!!! We were going to win!

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00158.jpg

And a few more states go RED!

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00163.jpg

And two more! Beatrice, renewed with piss and vinegar, started praising Jesus' name!

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00165.jpg

TAKE THAT! MICHIGAN, HOME OF AUTO WORKERS, LOVES US!

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00170.jpg

Who knew you had to campaign in all these southern states to win them...?

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00173.jpg

Or those Midwestern states...

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00175.jpg

Oh, but we won Texas. Everything is bigger in Texas.

We're picking up votes!

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00179.jpg

Our presence in the West was much more pronounced...

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00184.jpg

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00189.jpg

We're still behind... no way to catch up... Beatrice Stone called President Brock Hussiny NoBama. We're crushed, some of us tear up.

We even lost Alaska...

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00192.jpg

The Final Map:

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00193.jpg

Then came the brutal part:

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00194.jpg

The public concession to America, to our campaign, to the world. This nation had abandoned God, and in doing so, damned itself to more spending, the killing of seniors, gay marriage and forced abortions!

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/dignified_pauper/2012-08-11_00196.jpg

:( :( :( :(



-FIN-

[Freya]

Awww poor Beatrice :(

[Raistlin]

You did as bad as McCain/Palin.

Just so we're clear, Pauper was only able to accomplish about as much as a campaign involving Sarah Palin.

[Jiro]

Dammit man! What are we going to become with these heathens leading God's people on the path to hell again!? YOU HAVE DOOMED US ALL.

[Old Manus]

Hang on now...


You finished a thread?

[Dignified Pauper]

Hang on now...


You finished a thread?

Now where is my Recognized Member Title?

[Psychotic]

Marick finishing a thread is the only shred of proof that the Mayans were right about 2012 as far as I am concerned.

[Jiro]

Is the game weighted any? I mean, are those scumbag democrats going to win no matter what you do? :(

[Dignified Pauper]

No. I won a second game when I picked Ron Paul as Veep and didn't randomize everything. I was also running against Al Franken

[The Man]

The lesson of this story is that Ron Paul would have been a much better VP choice than Paul Ryan was.

[Madame Adequate]

Well yes, but a hot dog would be a better VP choice than Paul Ryan.

[The Man]

touché

[Jiro]

I want to see this theory tested. I might run for office.

[edczxcvbnm]

I have the 2008 version of this game. There is a glitch where if you spam the ever living fuck out of states with negative ads they will hate the position you are taking on it with a passion. Then all you have to do is reverse the ads and support the opposite position and everyone will flock to you. You just target the swing states with this and you can win every time. Not sure if they fixed that though.

[Old Manus]

I have the 2008 version of this game. There is a glitch where if you spam the ever living fuck out of states with negative ads they will hate the position you are taking on it with a passion. Then all you have to do is reverse the ads and support the opposite position and everyone will flock to you. You just target the swing states with this and you can win every time. Not sure if they fixed that though.That's not a glitch, that's populism!

[Raistlin]

I have the 2008 version of this game. There is a glitch where if you spam the ever living fuck out of states with negative ads they will hate the position you are taking on it with a passion. Then all you have to do is reverse the ads and support the opposite position and everyone will flock to you. You just target the swing states with this and you can win every time.

I think Mitt Romney has played that version one too many times.

[Psychotic]

Mitt vs Barack.

seriously america... what the fuck is up with your names?

[Laddy]

Mitt vs Barack.

seriously america... what the smurf is up with your names?
What do you mean? Cartoons Characters and Wizards are our two biggest parties.