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Citizen Bleys
08-18-2012, 09:19 AM
Greetings, salutations, felicitations, and all of that jazz

For those of you who know me not, I am Citizen Bleys Maynard, and my name is written across EoFF's history in letters of fire.

First, let us get the obligatory questions out of the way, in Q&A format so that certain lazy poltroons do not have to heat up their skulls trying to discern which of my statements apply to their little checklist.

What makes a good member? Why, the same things that make a good person, of course. There is nothing magical about being registered at Eyes on Final Fantasy that makes it condign for one to behave in any manner different than otherwise. A good member, like a good person, should be entertaining, engaging, and not full of excrement. You will note that I do not bring up the usual nonsense like polite, civilized, and not-a-dick. Those traits, when focused upon, detract from the things that actually matter. The most amusing things I've written (and read) were composed in fits of pique. I like profanity-laced tirades. I like writing grouchy humour. I like reading grouchy humour. Mommy-and-daddy rubbish like "if you've got nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all" has no place in my worldview. What would a Frankie Boyle monologue sound like with the mommy filter on? 30 seconds of silence. Nay, give me the rude, crass, and above all else funny stuff.

What makes a good CK? Again, this could be rephrased as "What makes a good leader?" For starters, lose the superiority complex. It's not about being on a pedestal or thinking you're better than anyone else. It's not about decision-making or being in charge. It's about causing others to do what you want them to do instead of what they want to do--by making them want to do it. It's about setting an example. Above all else, it's about making the people you lead happy, fulfilled, and proud do be a part of the community.

What would you like to change about Eyeson to make it better? What is so wrong with it? From my perspective, it's the friends who aren't here anymore. I can't make them come back, they don't want to be here. That's it. There's nothing else missing. It's a community, defined by the people who are there by choice. To immediately step in and start trying to change things would be an insult to the community. Yes, it will evolve on its own, and there's nothing wrong with helping it along the path that the community wants it to go along, but it is not appropriate to try to wrestle it into some predetermined configuration. I mean I hate the profanity filter--if I write the F word, that's what I want people to read--but it is not my place to make that decision for everyone else. Stop trying to fix what isn't broken. I did.

What color would you prefer your CK tag to be? NONE. Not just no colour, no bloody text. If the reason for the edit isn't self-evident, the edit shouldn't be made.

If you were to be thrown into the thunderdome with one of the current staff, who would you go against and what would be your tactic? Can these questions possibly get any more inane? Fine, we'll go with Bastian, because I have no idea who the Christ he/she/it is and I would prevail by using violence.

What does FF(and EoFF) mean to you? FF, in short, is my rapidly-fading youth. It was the golden spar of light that guided me through troubled times growing up in a geek during an era before geeks were cool, and were in actuality the opposite of cool, when being a geek or a nerd was an invitation to naught but scorn and violence. It was an escape to far-flung lands where I could live the role of a person of consequence, shaping the world for the better. Today it is a source of boundless, wonderful nostalgia that reminds me of what it was like to be young and full of vigour and idealism. EoFF, to a lesser extent, represents a different nostalgia, bringing me back to the first real community in which I felt I was a part, instead of being merely tolerated because I was there and nobody wanted to bother to get rid of me. It rid me of the misanthropy I'd acquired growing up and gave me the confidence I needed to find a place amongst my people here in the Maritimes, in my various workplaces, and in other online communities of like-minded folk.

Now, the burning question that I'm sure is on everybody's mind: How serious am I about this competition? Put plainly, I'm after second place, preferably a close second. I don't seriously expect to get that far, but that's my goal. Why second place? In the case the "prize" is real, it would suck to deny it to someone else. Don't I want it? Why would I? For power? Don't be ridiculous. The control panel, for all intents and purposes, is useless. Everything funny I could do with it, I've already done. During my previous term, I seldom logged into any control panel. I charted EoFF's history with the sheer force of my personality, moulding hearts and minds, not bits and bytes. I have no need for illusion. For prestige? Let me remind you, gentle reader, that I am already a Knight-emeritus, and I was Knighted by Cid. What honour could I derive in being promoted by the current generation that would hold a candle to that?

No, friends, I am not in it to win it, I am in it to make the actual winner work for their prize. It will mean more if it's not so easily gained. The benefit to me is that I get to once again unleash the Maynard Magic one more time before I am to old and jaded to do so any longer. It will be fun, and amusing to see how the other contestants react to my efforts.

So, let's just see if I can make the rest of these motherjumpers sweat, shall we?

Psychotic
08-18-2012, 11:11 AM
I don't think half the competitors realise who or what you are, or indeed that sheer force of personality to which you referred.

haha they probably look at me the way i looked at you

HAAHHAHHAHAH

dicks

farts

heh

I like you City Bley.

Jiro
08-18-2012, 12:16 PM
So it occurred to me, throughout reading your post, that I have actually greatly underestimated you. And that saddens me. I will now have the appropriate amount of respect and awe for you. You're a legend. I should aim to be more like you.

Good luck in kicking everyone's asses. You need it not but I will be supporting your endeavours the entire way.

Citizen Bleys
08-18-2012, 06:29 PM
I don't think half the competitors realise who or what you are, or indeed that sheer force of personality to which you referred.

Everybody knows me. What?! You've never heard of Citizen Bleys?

Mister Adequate
08-20-2012, 07:41 PM
What would a Frankie Boyle monologue sound like with the mommy filter on? 30 seconds of silence.

A considerably improvement, if you ask me.

But it would not be an improvement to silence Bleys. :kiss:

Del Murder
08-21-2012, 04:47 PM
I know I'm not supposed to play favorites at this early stage, but Citizen Bleys is my favorite at this early stage.

I really liked your threads, especially your FFV playthrough and the ones that sparked the resurgence of the FFXI forum.

Unlike the rest of these rookies I still know what the name Citizen Bleys means around here, and the unique brand of madness you bring to the table. I'll also never forget that time you helped me farm worms for hours in the desert to get some pop item.

I'm glad you happened to stop by right when we started up this event. For that I promise not to make a joke about the c-word for as long as I can hold out.