High Street Rage

[Bubba]

Working in a big city has its advantages but NOT one of them is walking down the main shopping street in order to get to work. It seems that there are a ridiculous amount of irritating obstacles that have been put there for the sole purposes of getting on my tits. Here are a few examples.

Charity Muggers - I was once accosted by four of these in five minutes which resulted in me telling a 'Friend of the Earth' to "get smurfed". I did feel bad about this though...
People - People that stop right in front of you, people that attack you with umbrellas, people that gather round a particularly talented street performer and don't allow you to pass.
Children - They randomly wander into your path resulting in you tripping into them. They cry. Their parents give you an angry stare.

Do you experience High Street Rage?

[Night Fury]

YES.

I get it really bad in the shopping centres too.

PEOPLE WHO MEANDER ABOUT ON ESCALATORS!!!
No, it's fine, it's not like I'm trying to get up/down there, please, continue to stand around and clutter the entrance.

And for that matter, people who smurfing stand in doorways. SMURF OFF OUT OF THE WAY.

And people with prams/pushchairs are in a class of their own.
Hmph

[Bubba]

people with prams/pushchairs are in a class of their own.

Oh my good God... this. They think they own the smurfing street.

Also, there are certain places you JUST CAN'T GO, YOU CRETINS!!! Don't bring your pram into a tiny shop with barely enough room to walk in. Don't bring your pram round the Christmas Markets when it is jam-packed with people...

AAAAAGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

[Jiro]

This stuff isn't limited to high streets. I can't even begin to describe the rage boiling up inside of me at the thought of people stopping randomly, assaulting me with umbrellas, blocking escalators despite their entire fucking purpose being to increase the speed of travel, etc. I will kill someone.

[Psychotic]

I think the high street is a purely British phenomenon. Seriously, fuck chuggers.

[Citizen Bleys]

People - people that attack you with umbrellas

Has this ever actually happened to anyone in the history of the universe? I mean, the wind is enough to damage an umbrella, why would anybody further decrease the useful life of an umbrella by using it as an assault weapon?

How does attacking someone with an umbrella work? Do they have it tucked into their belt and walk around town looking for someone who appears to be in a hurry, then tear it out and shout "Have at thee!" and attempt to stab you in the crotch with it?

I have an alternate theory: Perhaps you've never actually been assaulted with an umbrella -- perhaps you're simply insane.


people stopping randomly, assaulting me with umbrellas...

Yep, definitely insane.

[sharkythesharkdogg]

Well Bleys, there's two methods I know of.

Majority of the time, it's an attack by someone shorter than you are (so ladies, especially, pay attention.)

If it's not raining at the moment, some people like to carry their umbrella around across their shoulder like it's a rifle. This is also the same person who will stop randomly so you walk into the back of their umbrella and lose an eye.

This person also likes to back into a crowded shop/elevator/subway and then proceed to turn 180-360 degrees, attempting to achieve the maximum amount of ocular damage possible to those around them. Bonus points for being on a cell phone, because they cast rude looks at the person screaming in pain because they were just jabbed in the neck with an umbrella. You're being loud and they're trying to talk on the phone!

Method two involves the umbrella being deployed into it's "attack foil" position, for maximum blood letting. The metal rods at the end of the umbrella became skewers seeking out eyes, hoop earings, necklaces, nostrils, and a myriad of other options.

The shorter person is oblivious to the carnage going on above them as the umbrella acts as a sheild from all the blood and gasps of agony as those around them are eviscerated in different manners.

[Iceglow]

Try working on the world's busiest high street for over 5 years on a full time 5 days in 7 basis and then having to go down there because your friends either want to party in central or you need to get something and the only damn place you've seen it is on fucking Oxford Street. I swear down now, I'm totally surprised that I have never gone supernova and ripped a geothermal borehole out of the earth in Oxford Street with my bare fucking hands. Working in Kingston is fairly ok, I get off the train and once I cross the triple carriageway road (no not a motorway, but it does feed in to one eventually) I've got like 200 yards to go and only 50 of them are on a narrow pavement where people can attack me with umbrellas.

[Psychotic]

the world's busiest high street HOUSE! HOUSE!

(Iceglow bingo, for the uninitiated)

[Old Manus]

My strategy with chuggers is to keep walking and tell them that I'm a vegetarian.

[Quindiana Jones]

I push people with umbrellas out of the way. Same with anybody not paying attention to where they're going. Screw you, you bunch of nonces, you don't qualify for courtesy.

[Chris]

Yesterday when I arrived at the hospital carrying A LARGE BAG, the elevator opened. This bitch was ENCOURAGING her kids to get on. I was like, "Uh, no." And basically pushed my way through and hit her kids and her with my bag.

DO PEOPLE NOT REALIZE THE PROPER ELEVATOR ETIQUETTE IS TO ALWAYS STAND TO THE SIDE INSTEAD OF IN FRONT OF THE DOORS AND LET THE PEOPLE COMING OFF GET OF BEFORE YOU GET ON?????
God. This. I work in a hospital, so I know. :(

[Citizen Bleys]

Well Bleys, there's two methods I know of.

Majority of the time, it's an attack by someone shorter than you are (so ladies, especially, pay attention.)

If it's not raining at the moment, some people like to carry their umbrella around across their shoulder like it's a rifle. This is also the same person who will stop randomly so you walk into the back of their umbrella and lose an eye.

This person also likes to back into a crowded shop/elevator/subway and then proceed to turn 180-360 degrees, attempting to achieve the maximum amount of ocular damage possible to those around them. Bonus points for being on a cell phone, because they cast rude looks at the person screaming in pain because they were just jabbed in the neck with an umbrella. You're being loud and they're trying to talk on the phone!

Method two involves the umbrella being deployed into it's "attack foil" position, for maximum blood letting. The metal rods at the end of the umbrella became skewers seeking out eyes, hoop earings, necklaces, nostrils, and a myriad of other options.

The shorter person is oblivious to the carnage going on above them as the umbrella acts as a sheild from all the blood and gasps of agony as those around them are eviscerated in different manners.

I don't have this problem, because I don't live on the Benny Hill Show.

You're all mad.

[Pike]

I just drive everywhere.

[Raistlin]

Slow walkers irritate me, but that's about it.

[Psychotic]

I don't have this problem, because I don't live on the Benny Hill Show.I'm confused. You're presenting this information as if it's somehow a good thing.

[Shlup]

You people have weird problems. I walk through crowds of people every day at work and have no problem with it, even though people stop me to ask a question every few feet.

[Jiro]

Bleys, it's not a direct assault with an umbrella. What happens is that they will see you walking towards them, and despite the fact you are under cover, they will move over and lower their umbrella so that it hits you in the head, potentially the face, and then they glare at you as if you were the one who walked into them.

[Raistlin]

People - people that attack you with umbrellas

Has this ever actually happened to anyone in the history of the universe? I mean, the wind is enough to damage an umbrella, why would anybody further decrease the useful life of an umbrella by using it as an assault weapon?

How does attacking someone with an umbrella work? Do they have it tucked into their belt and walk around town looking for someone who appears to be in a hurry, then tear it out and shout "Have at thee!" and attempt to stab you in the crotch with it?

I have an alternate theory: Perhaps you've never actually been assaulted with an umbrella -- perhaps you're simply insane.

Tangent that may amuse only me: there was an actual question on a US bar exam some years ago (it showed up on a practice question for me) where the correct answer was that person A hitting person B with an umbrella was sufficient provocation so that if B killed A in response, the murder charge would be downgraded to manslaughter.

Moral to the story: come to the US to kill those damn umbrella wielders.

[Sephex]

I just drive everywhere.

I just had this vision of you casually strolling your vehicle through a Best Buy or something, running over everything in your path without discretion to pick up a single video game. You lean out your window to get it off the shelf like you would at a drive thru window. You then force your vehicle through the check out line and pay for your game. You know, so you're not breaking any laws.

[Jiro]

Raistlin that is smurfing brilliant.

[Shorty]

Slow walkers irritate me, but that's about it.

The oblivious slow walkers.

[Iceglow]

Even worse the oblivious slow walking herd of tourists with trolley cases!

[sharkythesharkdogg]

Ah, yes. The group of slow walkers. Typically plump, middle aged friends walking side by side.

[Raistlin]

Raistlin that is smurfing brilliant.

I actually got that question wrong. I knew the law very well: that what would otherwise be considered murder where there is "sufficient provocation" (generally discovering adultery) is downgraded to manslaughter. But I thought "there is absolutely no way being smacked with an umbrella by a little old lady [oh yes, it was a little old lady in the fact scenario] is sufficient provocation." Apparently those umbrella attacks are much more serious than I thought.

[Faris]

Oh crowded areas how I loathe thee, let me count the ways...

[insert mile long rant]