Arrested Development quotes thread

[The Man]

I'll be your wingman. Even if it means me taking a chubby, I will suck it up.

[Nicolas]

I'm afraid I prematurely shot my wad on what was supposed to be a dry run if you will, so I'm afraid I have something of a mess on my hands.

[The Man]

Oh, no, no, I'm not in the group yet. I'm afraid I just... blue myself.

[Nicolas]

Michael if I may take off my pants and pull my analrapist stocking over my head, I think George Michael may be suffering from what we in the soft-sciences call "Obsessive Compulsive Disorder", or the "The O.C. Disorder".

[The Man]

Don't call it that.

[I Took the Red Pill]

I, uh, think I made the fire a little too real, uh, for them

[The Man]

Jessie: There are very few intelligent, attractive and straight men in this town.
Tobias: Well, that certainly leaves me out. [Everyone looks at Tobias] You said "single," right? She said "single."

[Værn]

GOB: You're a good guy, mon frere. That means brother in French. I don't know why I know that, I took four years of Spanish.


Also, everything that Tobias ever says.

[Denmark]

ooc: "Arrested Development quotes" more like "Tobias Fünke quotes" amirite (not complaining)

COME ON!

[The Man]

There's always money in the banana stand.

[Jowy]

Mrs. Featherbottom: O-kay, who'd like a banger in the mouth?
Mrs. Featherbottom: Right, I forgot, here in the States, you call it a *sausage* in the mouth.
Michael: We just call it a sausage.

[The Man]

kKXkfLhn6pA

[Jinx]

kKXkfLhn6pA

I was debating putting this, just because it is single-handedly to me, the funniest scene from Arrested Development.

We shan't be telling your mother, shan't we?

[The Man]

I think I might have to agree, although there are a lot of contenders for that mantle.

Jessie: Your father's religious now? We'll play that up. It's very sympathetic.
Lucille: Yeah. Who doesn't love the Jews?

[Lonely Paper Star]

Don't have a quote, but I come bearing .gifs:

http://25.media.tumblr.com/6cd18f43ee3f80d94fb8cfe2cffc64dc/tumblr_mf2dp2cJ8q1qfsw5wo1_400.gif

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mcs5igJiV81ru5znho1_r1_400.gif

http://25.media.tumblr.com/4e08d883be0f25a4333d5f1e952c49eb/tumblr_mf540arOdv1rh93ero1_250.gif

http://25.media.tumblr.com/1814542dd59349a578ac8334fff41e3e/tumblr_mf3m0edyvn1qgjeodo2_400.gif

[The Man]

8x-7v3PJ6Eg

[Madame Adequate]

Michael: I burned it. Down to the ground.
George Sr.: There was money in that banana stand.
Michael: Well, it's all gone now.
George Sr.: There was $250,000 lining the inside walls of the banana stand.
Michael: What?
George Sr.: Cash, Michael. What the hell did you think I meant when I said (strangling Michael) THERE IS MONEY... IN... THE BANANA STAND!

[Jowy]

Michael: There's more to life than strippers and booze and buckets of blood...Why do you guys have buckets of blood?
Gob: It's not real blood. It's corn syrup and red dye... juice.
Buster: There's unlimited juice? This party is gonna be off the hook.

[The Man]

Everyone's laughing and riding and cornholing except Buster.

[Lonely Paper Star]

Michael: I burned it. Down to the ground.
George Sr.: There was money in that banana stand.
Michael: Well, it's all gone now.
George Sr.: There was $250,000 lining the inside walls of the banana stand.
Michael: What?
George Sr.: Cash, Michael. What the hell did you think I meant when I said (strangling Michael) THERE IS MONEY... IN... THE BANANA STAND!

http://25.media.tumblr.com/450bd5b630f534ba8e2de8f12666961c/tumblr_mf7l1vcEbT1r3ztsyo1_1280.jpg. It's funnier if you're a GoT fan, though.

[Rantz]

STEVE HOLT!

[Jowy]

Michael: Are those pills?
Steve Holt: I got them from Coach. They're filled with oxygen and it makes you incontinent. It's called "Oxy Incontin"

[The Man]

Gob: The zero hour, Michael. It's the end of the line. I'm the firstborn. Sick of playing second fiddle. Always third in line for everything. Tired of finishing fourth. Being the fifth wheel. [thinks for a moment] There are six things I'm mad about, and I'm taking over.

[Jowy]

George Michael Bluth: Say what you want about America, thirteen bucks still gets you a hell of a lot of mice!

[The Man]

vArw1YxsngI

[Denmark]

NO TOUCHING

they don't allow you to have bees in here

5J2kc4oZTVU

[The Man]

cR2tp5j5xD0

[Balzac]

Tobias went to a tryout for the Blue Man Group hoping to be seen. Unfortunately, it was dusk, and he wasn't seen.

[The Man]

hAAa1YPcoV4

[Nicolas]

38505

Excuse me, do these effectively hide my thunder?

[The Man]

Tiv1UP-oHvs

[Balzac]

GOB as a Waiter - YouTube (http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&v=UZQbonv3u6w&NR=1)

[The Man]

wywsuFjKbHM

[Balzac]

Gob: Hey, guy. They tell me you're the actor who plays Marta's brother, Tio.
Spanish actor: Como?
Gob: Oh, you're gonna be in a coma, all right.

[The Man]

81Nl7VYFEaI

[Nicolas]

And secondly, I know you're the big marriage expert. Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot. Your wife is dead.

[Madame Adequate]

It's a shemale.

[The Man]

These are lawyers. That's Latin for liar.

[Balzac]

Gob: Believe me, we didn't do any sleeping. I had sex last night.
Narrator: But he really didn't
Gob: Yes, I did.

[The Man]

Well, they expect a certain amount of theft, Michael. It's built into the price. If I didn't take it, then people would be overpaying for nothing.

[Balzac]

Gob: Brother? Hermano means brother? Well, sounds like Hermano is about to get his ass kicked.

[McLovin']

Bob Loblaw - English - YouTube (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mwWAsNZTnug)

Best name in any tv show ever.

[The Man]

Bob Loblaw Law Blog

[Værn]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-k_qBgVzPY

[Jowy]

Dave Attell: Whoa, this guy's straight?
Dave Attell: Then, what am I wearing these for?

[The Man]

Her?

[Jowy]

Gob: Franklin said some things Whitey wasn't ready to hear.
Michael: Gob, weren't you also mercilessly beaten outside of a club in Torrance for that act?
Gob: He also said some things that African-American-y wasn't ready to hear either.

[The Man]

It's the carpenter who blames his shoddy... [touches cornballer] [bleep] stupid corballin' piece of [bleep]!

[Jowy]

Narrator: After being arrested, George Sr. found a loophole in the Mexican judicial system...
George Sr.: I have...
[clears throat]
George Sr.: ... I have money!

[The Man]

Gob: I [bleep]ed Kitty!
Michael: Gob! I just wanted you to get the information.
Gob: I got the information.
Michael: You did, huh? About the international accounts?
Gob: Oh, I see what you're getting at. No, I didn't get any information.

[Madame Adequate]

Bob Loblaw Law Blog

Bob Loblaw Lobs Law Bomb!

[Shorty]

I've made a huge mistake.

[sharkythesharkdogg]

Tobias: "Come on, don't leave you're uncle T-bag hanging."
George Michael: "Please stop calling yourself that."


Tobias: "I can't wait to get those meaty, leading man parts in my mouth."

G.O.B.: "So you came back here to hide like a child."
Michael: "What are you doing locked in my office, exactly?"
G.O.B.: "Hiding from a child. Big difference."

[Shorty]

No sugar for you. You just get more awful.

[The Man]

I've made a huge mistake.Michael: G.O.B., instead of always coming to me looking for money, saying, "I've made a huge mistake," you can bail yourself out next time.
Gob: I've never admitted to a mistake. What would I have made a mistake about?

[Jowy]

<img src=http://static.neatorama.com/images/2011-11/hot-ham-water.jpg>

I'd buy it.

[Nicolas]

I've made a huge mistake.

I've made a huge tiny mistake.

[The Man]

Reno: Make the biggest little mistake of your life.

[Shorty]

What's spanish for "I know you know english"?

[The Man]

I don't criticize you! And if you're worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense.

[Shorty]

It was shoplifting and I'm white. I think I'm gonna be okay.

[The Man]

No, mother. I can blow myself.

[Shorty]

Yes, I have a rape horn, Michael, because you took away my mace.

[The Man]

Buster: I’m a scholar. I enjoy scholarly pursuits.
Lucille: Suddenly, playing with yourself is a scholarly pursuit.

[Shorty]

38744

[The Man]

Narrator: For the first time, Lucille prays...
Lucille: [Praying] Take something else from us. Do whatever you have to to keep my boy from going to war.
Narrator: And Buster is on his way when he decides to pursue a long-delayed rite of passage...
[Buster swims in the ocean]
Person: Loose seal. Watch out for loose seal.
Buster: [Thinking he means Lucille] I don't care about Lucille. She lies.
Narrator: ...and then a seal bites off his hand.

[Shorty]

I don't care for Gob.

[The Man]

George Senior: Gilligan has promised me that all this money will be safe in IRAs.
Ira Gilligan: It's Ira, sir.
George Senior: Oh, I'm sorry, Gilligan. Will be safe in Iras.

[Del Murder]

Michael: Hello.
Gob: It’s Gob I’m looking for Jessie.
Michael: She just left, Gob What’s wrong?
Gob: I need her to spin something for me.
Michael: Well, that’s too bad, because I think she quit. What do you need her to spin?
Gob: ...Murder.

[The Man]

Maeby: Is there any way I can divorce them?
Barry: Oh, sure. It’s called emancipation. But you’ve got to prove that you’re living in an unstable environment.
Maeby: Both my parents are trying to have affairs. Of course, they haven’t succeeded yet.

[Shorty]

Lucille Bluth: Michael fired you?
Gob: No, I fired him. As a result, I'm no longer welcome in the office.

[The Man]

Not tricks, Michael; illusions. A trick is something a whore does for money. [GOB notices children in earshot] ...Or cocaine!

[Shorty]

Lucille Bluth: Get me a vodka rocks.
Michael: Mom, it’s breakfast.
Lucille Bluth: And a piece of toast.

[The Man]

Lindsay: You’ve had $80,000 worth of cartography lessons. Get us a channel to the ocean.
Buster: Okay, okay, okay... Obviously this blue part here is the land.

[charliepanayi]

The show's return has been confirmed for May.

[Shorty]

Michael (to Gob): Get rid of the Seaward.
Lucille Bluth: I’ll leave when I’m good and ready.

[The Man]

Michael: Maybe you can take a date up there!
Lucille: How am I supposed to find someone willing to go into that musty old claptrap?
(incredibly long awkward pause)
Michael: (suddenly) The cabin! Yes. That will be difficult, too.

[Shorty]

39660

[The Man]

bLzDEwhwjlo

[The Man]

CVke__4OZ-0

[Jowy]

Are the Cookie Monster and Buster Bluth supposed to have the same pose right there?

:monster:

[The Man]

I'M A COOOOOOKIIIIIEEEEE MOOOOONNNNNSTEEERRRRRRRR!

[The Man]

Why should you go to jail for a crime that someone else... noticed?

You don't need double-talk; you need Bob Loblaw.

Bob Loblaw no habla español.

[Jowy]

G.O.B.: Gobias. As in, “Go buy us some coffee.”

[The Man]

xKGc2TwOKdc

And the inevitable followup:

TlTM7Mbk_SU

[Del Murder]

I love that I notice something different each time I watch through this show. This time I discovered the running gag of ice cream sandwiches being mentioned or shown every time they're in the prison. Sometimes it's simply the camera panning over a vending machine full of them, or some random guard eating one. What a brilliant show.

[Jowy]

Guard 1: HE'S GOT BEES!

Guard 2: NO BEES!

Lucille: They don't allow you to have bees in here.

[The Man]

qBW2z0NZ5zA

[The Man]

CaK_FgrIlYY

[Jessweeee♪]

"That's like the seventh nipple I've seen today."

[The Man]

Take it back! If I wanted something your thumb touched, I'd eat the inside of your ear!