there's an obvious joke in here somewhere

[Jiro]

So today I came home and realised I had left my keys elsewhere. So I broke into my house. Cool. I've been spending the last hour trying to find something to start my car with, but to no avail - and Google tells me that hot wiring my car is a bad idea, so I'm gonna leave that for another time.

What criminal skills do you have? Or, what skills do you have that would make you a good criminal?

[Mo-Nercy]

Look out office stationery cupboards of the world!
If I work there, I will slowly clean it out without anybody noticing.

[The Summoner of Leviathan]

Wait, two Australians talking about their criminal life...No surprised there. :p

[kotora]

Apparently I look intimidating when I'm wearing a beanie. Also very frustrated and prone to rushing into decisions which is a plus if you're into robberies and that kinda thing. And I can run decently. All of these would make me a proper thug.
But I could also totally be the criminal mastermind as I have the organization skills and the devious plans to pull it off and I like to sip fine wine while I explain my entire plan to whatever hero trying to stop me.
Too bad about that sense of ethics and moral compass

[Balzac]

They always say that criminals return to the scene of a crime, that's why we have so many Australians in the UK...

[Chris]

I could never hot wire a car, or rob a bank. Give me a blank check, and I'll work miracles. :bigsmile:

Also, I think I would make a good prostitute. I'm good at loving people a long time.

[Night Fury]

I could be a deadly assassin, I'm totally silent when I walk places. People never know I'm around until they see me in front of them.


It's a curse really, always scaring people...

[Pike]

I guess no one would ever expect me :shifty:

[Jowy]

I plead the fifth.

[Raistlin]

I'm a lawyer.

[Jiro]

I'm a lawyer.

You're on the team.

[Sephex]

The joke writes it self. An Australian inquiring about criminal activities. Stop stealing my potted plants, Jiro!

[Laddy]

You'll be amazed how long my wrap sheet is.

http://i176.photobucket.com/albums/w198/sapphiress_zv/jiffy-large-bubble-wrap.jpg

[Lone Wolf Leonhart]

What criminal skills do you have? Or, what skills do you have that would make you a good criminal?

"Tonight's the night. And it's going to happen, again and again. It has to happen. Nice night. Miami is a great town. I love the Cuban food. Pork sandwiches. My favorite. But I'm hungry for something different now."

What skills do I have that would make me a good criminal? Role playing Dexter Morgan.

[Raistlin]

What skills do I have that would make me a good criminal? Role playing Dexter Morgan.

Do you also leave your cell phone ringer on when you're trying to kill people?

[Tigmafuzz]

I wonder how much "criminal skills" and "skills needed to survive developed by growing up without a home or family" overlap? Because I can do a lot of things that would likely also qualify as criminal skills. I know for a fact I can break into and hotwire a car easily and silently, I can pick locks, I can beat the living trout out of up to three fairly large people at once, I am extremely proficient at predicting social behavior and manipulating people as well as getting them to trust me subconsciously (taught to me by another man on the street; he had honed his manipulation skills over several years, and after studying sociology and reading a few books on hellstromism and manipulating people, basically everything he taught me was either in a book or something that I had proven from experience), I'm charismatic and have excellent planning, observational, and organizational skills (according to several aptitude tests, the military, and my ability to dominate anyone I've ever played against at BF3, AoE, Civilization, or chess), I'm not afraid to break rules if I need to, and I could randomly decide not to be whitehat anymore and just be the criminal organization's computer guy.

Disclaimer: I would never willingly do any of these things for any selfish or ignoble purposes

[blackmage_nuke]

I jaywalk and loiter like a pro. I'll also piss outside if im drunk enough

[Hollycat]

I'm a pyro if that counts, if not, I know how to make things look like they've been set on fire.

[Citizen Bleys]

If I ever decide to become a rapist, I already have the beard for it.

[Tigmafuzz]

If I ever decide to become a rapist, I already have the beard for it.

WE HAVE A WINNER

[Jinx]

I have tits.

No, really.

You'd be surprised how far sexuality can go.

[fire_of_avalon]

Like Pike, no one would ever expect me to engage in nefarious activities, so if I were sneaky I would not be caught.

I'm also pretty good at improvising. Not like improvising weapons, but improvising.

[Jiro]

I don't understand why we haven't taken the logical step of becoming an international crime syndicate yet.

[The Summoner of Leviathan]

I don't understand why we haven't taken the logical step of becoming an international crime syndicate yet.

Of course we are not secretly a crime syndicate Jiro, why would we advertise that aloud where anyone could see it?

[Citizen Bleys]

I don't understand why we haven't taken the logical step of becoming an international crime syndicate yet.

I'm down with forming a tiger team like the guys on Leverage, but such tiger teams rarely have an open slot for an actual rapist, let alone some guy with a rapisty beard. Even if such an opening were to exist, they would undoubtedly contact Frankie Boyle instead of me because he has a Scottish accent.

[Jinx]

EOFF'S ELVEN

[Bunny]

I have tits.

No, really.

You'd be surprised how far sexuality can go.

Anyone who is surprised at this is either stupid or naive.

My criminal skills include, but are not limited to, lock picking, car jacking, and pick pocketing.

[Lone Wolf Leonhart]

What skills do I have that would make me a good criminal? Role playing Dexter Morgan.

Do you also leave your cell phone ringer on when you're trying to kill people?

Yes. It's a real pain, though. The person on the other end always wants me to rush off somewhere before I finish the job.

[Mirage]

I once accidentally scammed a guy when he asked me to fix his PC. I made him buy a new component and took the old one with me. After the replacement part was put in, his PC worked. When I came home, the part I removed also still worked. And I got paid for doing the work for him as well.

So I guess i have the criminal skill of scamming computer illiterate people, and make them like it in the process. :(

[DownDiagonalLeftA]

I have an iPod full of illegally downloaded music. I like to live life on the edge.

[Jiro]

I once accidentally scammed a guy when he asked me to fix his PC. I made him buy a new component and took the old one with me. After the replacement part was put in, his PC worked. When I came home, the part I removed also still worked. And I got paid for doing the work for him as well.

So I guess i have the criminal skill of scamming computer illiterate people, and make them like it in the process. :(

Considering how many people are actually computer illiterate still, this could be very useful.