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View Full Version : Let's Play Police Quest II: The Vengeance



Citizen Bleys
02-23-2013, 07:18 PM
About a year after the events of Police Quest (http://home.eyesonff.com/general-gaming-discussion/148527-lets-play-police-quest-pursuit-death-angel.html), things are about to heat up again for Detective Sonny Bonds, who has now, for plot reasons, transferred to the Homicide department. Sonny is now dating "Sweet Cheeks" Marie Wilkans, whose new occupation is never mentioned in the game.

This is impressive because there was no Homicide department in the original PQ.

We join Sonny as he's just arriving at work and hey crap why am I using the third person? That's not consistent with the original LP thread.



http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/001.jpg
Marie made me ditch the sports car because it wasn't "sensible." WHAT IS SO SENSIBLE ABOUT THIS PIECE OF CRAP?

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/002.jpg
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/003.jpg
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/004.jpg
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/005.jpg
I keep my locker combination printed on the back of all of my business cards, that way anybody who I give my card to can steal my gun.

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/006.jpg
Not because I'll need my keys on the job, but because the penalty for police officers forgetting anything is death.


But, hey, I'm feeling lucky today. It's time to play a little game called late for work!



http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/007.jpg
Not that I have any money, but what the hey, it's the mall

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/008.jpg
I KNOW THAT. I want to go. Damned disembodied voice preventing me from entering the mall

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/009.jpg
Well, as long as I'm going to show up for work late, I might as well show up for work drunk.

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/010.jpg
Well screw you, then.

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/011.jpg
Huzzah!

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/012.jpg
GDI.

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/013.jpg
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/014.jpg
Sod. Off.

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/015.jpg
As long as I'm skipping work, I might as well skip town

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/016.jpg
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/017.jpg
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/018.jpg
Strange. According to baptists, everyone is going there. You'd think there'd be a lot of demand for transit.

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/019.jpg
Enough of Lytton, time to head to the True North Strong and Free

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/020.jpg
Screw you, disembodied voice


http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/021.jpg
Hello, strangers. This is me not being creepy

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/022.jpg
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/023.jpg
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/024.jpg
I'm really starting to get sick of you, Mr. disembodied voice


And of course, it's not a visit to the airport until I check out the can.



http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/025.jpg
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/026.jpg
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/027.jpg
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/028.jpg
IS THAT YOUR ANSWER TO EVERYTHING?


Well, the airport is boring, I guess I'll head to a restaurant and have a bite to eat. But wait...



http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/029.jpg
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/030.jpg
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/031.jpg
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/032.jpg
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/033.jpg
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/034.jpg
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/035.jpg
BUSTED! Which is ironic, because I am a cop.


Well, my bad behaviour didn't result in death this time, so let's play another game. This one is my favourite: INSUBORDINATION!



http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/036.jpg
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/037.jpg
Still hungry.

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/038.jpg
Closed? Goddammit.


Time to do more driving around on Captain Hall's dime.



http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/039.jpg
A seedy motel? Why not?

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/040.jpg
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/041.jpg
Don't you know my wife is about to give birth to the Son of God?

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/042.jpg
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/043.jpg
I thought I made myself perfectly clear. Score some weed.

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/044.jpg
Surely the Blue Room wasn't the only watering hole in town

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/046.jpg
Dammit.


OK, time to do some actual police work.



http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/047.jpg
Lytton PD sure has changed. The layout is actually absolutely nothing like it was a year ago in PQ1. We now have the Narcotics and Homicide offices on the left, the locker room and Vice on the top, and the shooting range to the right. There are no longer any showers installed. Morris Fudley resigned in protest.

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/048.jpg
Wait, the asshole from PQ1 is my partner now?

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/049.jpg
A re-trial. A year later.

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/050.jpg
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/051.jpg
"I know this because I just now heard Keith telling you."

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/052.jpg
Ordinarily, this wouldn't have been enough, but the defence attorney pointed out that it would be neccesary in order to advance the plot.

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/054.jpg
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/055.jpg
OK, I get it already. This game is heavily Bains-centric

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/056.jpg
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/057.jpg
Because it makes perfect sense to keep my wallet in my desk at work and not, say, on my person

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/058.jpg
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/059.jpg
I have no interest in scuba diving, especially living in a city that just has a dinky river passing through it, but Captain Hall made me take the course for plot reasons

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/060.jpg
Gunplay? Smurf yeah!

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/061.jpg
Gee, I hope I remember the combination! If not, I suppose I can just ask anyone I've ever given my business card to

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/062.jpg
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/063.jpg
Uh...crap...what was that last number? If only I'd thought to write it down

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/064.jpg
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Gunny gun gun!

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/065.jpg
You never know, I might run into Marie sometime today

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/066.jpg
Hell to the yeah, loadin' mah gun

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/067.jpg
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/1/068.jpg
GOD DAMMIT DISEMBODIED VOICE, STOP SAYING THAT


Picking up next time with FIRIN' MAH GUN!

Del Murder
02-23-2013, 07:41 PM
This is much more fun with the free-form text versions.

Madame Adequate
02-23-2013, 11:54 PM
I don't know if I can approve of a game which doesn't consider "dropkick" a valid command, but on the other hand Canada is verboten.

Citizen Bleys
02-24-2013, 09:28 PM
lots of screencaps today, but I'm really struggling with the funny.



http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/001.jpg
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/002.jpg
This is really easy to miss

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/003.jpg
Because in a live-fire situation, you won't hear your gun go off

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/004.jpg
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/005.jpg
For reference, this is where I was aiming

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/006.jpg
Hell yeah, I am a crack shot

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/007.jpg
Where did I get the screwdriver to adjust my gun sights?


I went through 4 clips of ammo before having my gun properly sighted, but didn't screencap it because it's boring. You know you got it right because you get points for it.

Back to the Homicide office...



http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/008.jpg
Protip: "Jesse" is a boy's name. "Jessie" is short for Jessica.

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/009.jpg
Of course he did.

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/010.jpg
Thanks for reminding me what my partner's name was. After working with him for literally years, I keep forgetting.

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/011.jpg
I believe that is what being assigned to the case means.


I haven't been rude to Captain Hall for a while, so I guess I'll read the stuff on his desk that is none of my business.



http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/012.jpg
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/013.jpg
Thanks for writing down your passwords in plain sight! That must be how you get to be a Captain.


Time to violate Section 342.1 of the Criminal Code of Canada. I guess it must be OK in Lytton.



http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/014.jpg
Ever heard of replacing passwords with asterisks so that shouldersurfing assholes can't access confidential information? Neither have I.

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/015.jpg
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/016.jpg
Good to know there's an internal affairs investigation going on so that I can tamper with it.

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/017.jpg
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/018.jpg
I told them I wasn't the gremlin. I smurfing told them.

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/019.jpg
Who needs computers when you can use old-fashioned paper files?

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/020.jpg
That looks nothing like the mug shot in the copy protection manual


OK, time to tamper with an internal affairs investigation that's none of my business!



http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/021.jpg
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/022.jpg
That must have been the morally correct thing to do. I got points for it

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/023.jpg
Seems to be the logical place to start an investigation, since there are no other leads

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/024.jpg
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/025.jpg
I didn't screencap it, but if I forget to close the locker, some joker steals my gun.

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/026.jpg
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/027.jpg
Not just anyone can get into the jail. If that hadn't worked, I'd have just gone and committed a crime.

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/028.jpg
Wait, didn't I literally just do that?

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/029.jpg
Oh.

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/030.jpg
"I wasn't planning on stealing it, I just know minute details about the vehicles of all of my co-workers

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/031.jpg
Does anyone actually name babies Sherman anymore?

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/032.jpg
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/033.jpg
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/034.jpg
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/035.jpg


Time to head back to the office, right? Nope.



http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/036.jpg
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/037.jpg
Dispatch knew about Pate's car too? Man, everyone must be jealous of that guy's ride


*skip some drivel*

I arrive at the airport and have a peek at Pate's car. Looks like there's a print on the glove compartment.



http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/038.jpg
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/039.jpg
Oh, so Bains has a gun now. Joy.


Haines tracks down a woman whose car has been stolen from the mall parking lot.



http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/040.jpg
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/041.jpg
Well, that's something anyways

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/042.jpg
I love how you can play this game even if you only speak caveman

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/043.jpg
Me say you, radio gun. I think I lost a couple of points here by not radioing gun again when the game failed to listen to what I actually said.

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/044.jpg
Leave me the smurf alone, Dispatch, I'm trying to get back to the office.

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/045.jpg
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/046.jpg
Easy money. I've played this game before, so I already know the jogger is a chick.

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/047.jpg
Am I the only one that thinks of Trading Places when someone makes a one dollar bet?

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/048.jpg
"...but it was actually just ketchup. Oh, and there was a gun-toting maniac in the bushes."

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/049.jpg
Imagine! Footprints, on a jogging trail!

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/050.jpg
I can tell by the ominous music that I will be in danger here. GUN TIME!

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/051.jpg
THAT'S RIGHT, BAINS. SHOTS FIRED.

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/052.jpg
Hell yes it does. I got you once, Bains, and I'll get you again.

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/053.jpg
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/054.jpg
Brilliant deduction, Sherlock.

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/055.jpg
Whoops, forgot the comma

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/056.jpg
But Pate is probably fine, right?

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/057.jpg
Why not, we're closer to water than American beer

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/058.jpg
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/059.jpg
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/060.jpg
Evidence sorted.

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/061.jpg
Practicing to become a hobo

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/062.jpg
I literally can't do anything without finding evidence against Dr. Moriarty Bains

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/063.jpg
I wonder what it'll say?

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/064.jpg
Yeah, I thought he might have been in the general vicinity, based on the subtle clue that he jumped out of the bushes and shot at me.

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/065.jpg
For plot reasons, yes I do.

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/066.jpg
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/067.jpg
((No, this doesn't actually work in-game. For some reason, EoFF slang doesn't work in a game that was written 10 years before EoFF even existed))


The first thing I see diving is a shiny shiny.



http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/068.jpg
It's what I have instead of a brain

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/069.jpg
I shall ponder this while the air in my tank is rapidly depleting

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/070.jpg
All that glisters is not gold;
Often have you heard that told:
Many a man his life hath sold
But my outside to behold:
Gilded tombs do worms enfold.
Had you been as wise as bold,
Young in limbs, in judgement old
Your answer had not been inscroll'd
Fare you well, your suit is cold.

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/071.jpg
ME LIKE SHINY

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/072.jpg
Damn, I already had one of those

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/073.jpg
I was really hoping for more shinies

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/074.jpg
But he's going to be OK, right?

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/075.jpg
It's about time that bastard did something useful

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/076.jpg
Pffft, he'll get better

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/077.jpg
...is the name of my new band

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/078.jpg
Not that I'll ever actually get there.

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/079.jpg
And sure enough!

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/080.jpg
Who would have thought a hotly-pursued fugitive would try to skip town?

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/081.jpg
Guess I have to follow


At the airport, I see a car that looks exactly like the one Bains drove off in, probably because it is.




http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/084.jpg
Because yes, I'm that vain.

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/085.jpg
Shiny, shiny

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/086.jpg
Bains has never heard of gloves.

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/087.jpg
...used to be called Radio Free Europe

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/088.jpg
Uh, yeah, we established that this was the stolen car based on the time Bains tried to run me over with it.

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/082.jpg
Sure, why not?

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/083.jpg
Might as well take the obvious tack.

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/089.jpg
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/090.jpg
Apparently, Bains didn't think to either shave or try to act natural

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/091.jpg
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/092.jpg
Why would Bains make a run for the Mexican border when Canada is right there and English-speaking?

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/093.jpg
Translation into realistic: "Oh. What the hell do you want?"

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/094.jpg
Communism Houston was just a red herring

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/095.jpg
Who smiles when they're being questioned by the police?

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/096.jpg
Apparently Pate's ID didn't have a photo.


Job well done, but I gotta take a wicked yes.



http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/097.jpg
Because who doesn't check inside the toilet tank when pissing?

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/098.jpg
Wow. Nice. Nobody will ever find it there, because it's a well known fact that airports don't have janitors.

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/099.jpg
I don't know why, but it's worth points.

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/100.jpg
Now watch as the game reacts to this by radioing in anything but the rental car.

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/101.jpg
Called it.

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/102.jpg
Are there really so many guns littered in the path of fleeing fugitives that this comes as any surprise?

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/103.jpg
We knew what he was driving at every stage of this game and didn't get him.

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/104.jpg
MASSIVE AMOUNT OF POINTS INCOMING

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/105.jpg
Wait, did I catch Bains while I wasn't paying attention?


Guess I'll call Marie and tell her I'm done for the day.



http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/2/106.jpg
Guess she doesn't know it's closed.

Citizen Bleys
02-28-2013, 09:04 AM
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/3/001.jpg
I'm sure Marie will need a drive when she finds out they're closed

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/3/002.jpg
Open? Where were they when I was hungry and skipping work?

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/3/003.jpg
God dammit, I just left the office, let's not talk about work, OK?

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/3/004.jpg
Clingy.

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/3/005.jpg
Screw the cheap meals, I'm a detective now!

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/3/006.jpg
"My name's Marie Wilkans and I'm a walking 60s stereotype!"

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/3/007.jpg
That means we smurf.

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/3/008.jpg
I thought this was Police Quest II, not The Numberwang Code

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/3/009.jpg
You were already talking to me. You don't need to shout my name again in the middle of it

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/3/010.jpg
"Itsa me, Mario, and I too am a walking stereotype!" Not sure why we care about the owner's name though.

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/3/011.jpg
Points.

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/3/012.jpg
Body in the trunk. How predictable.

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/3/013.jpg
I wonder who it could be?

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/3/014.jpg
SHERLOCK HOLMES RIDES AGAIN!

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/3/015.jpg
In spite of this, I did not recognise the name when Mario said it 30 seconds ago. In his hands, he has a corner of an envelope...I wonder what's on it?

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/3/016.jpg
AN ADDRESS! Shocking!

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/3/017.jpg
You're not funny! (haw haw)

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/3/018.jpg
The coroner is a dick.

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/3/019.jpg
Better have a look in that trunk that we just emptied of a dead guy

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/3/020.jpg
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/3/021.jpg
Stay classy, Bains.

http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/3/022.jpg
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/3/023.jpg


This address turns to be the warehouse where I tried to score weed off of a kid while I was jigging work.



http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/3/024.jpg
http://www.bleysmaynard.net/eoff/pq2/3/025.jpg
Got you, Bains.

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YOUR ASS IS MINE!

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...as long as I have lots of heavily-armed friends to do all the real work back me up just like last time

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All is in readiness. But what shall I do while waiting for backup to arrive?

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So shortsighted. Millions could have been spared.

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It's all shiny and hot off of the press!

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I could bust down the door, but lazy


Finally, backup arrives.



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I had no idea what his name was. When I looked it up later, it turned out to be Melvin. I was close, though.

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GUN TIME!

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See those pixels on the cement? That's blood. MY blood. Smurfing thing was boobytrapped.

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One would think that a SWAT team would have gas masks so that I wouldn't have to wait for the gas to clear so I could go in while any potentially murderous drug kingpins who want me dead would still be incapacitated

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Who would have thought that the shotgun blast that tore through the door could have been caused by *gasp* a shotgun?

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Sure, I could reconnoiter the room to make sure that Bains isn't waiting in the bathroom for an opportunity to shoot me, but hey look, blood sample.

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Might as well, getting low on condoms

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That's not what it says.

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Always check for monsters.


On the other side, I see a tube of lipstick, so I grab it. NOT FOR MYSELF.



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As I conveniently learned just last night for no reason

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I am not being creepy. I am not being creepy. I am not being creepy

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Whew. There was evidence here after all

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I can't remember why I took 3 screenshots here instead of one, but I'm pretty sure it was an awesome joke that we'll never know now.

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Is it wrong to bring Keith along for a booty call? This is not wrong. This is definitely not wrong.

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Ooh, a note. Perhaps I shall read it.

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Plausible enough, sounds like something she'd wri...wait, love?

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Wait, does that mean Bains is the one sent his love?

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I'm a bachelor. Aren't apartments supposed to look like this?

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Bains, if you can't remember who you plan on killing, perhaps you should, y'know, not kill them.

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Well, Bains has my girlfriend, whose name appears on his list of people to kill. Might as well do some paperwork!

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Points inbound! They will keep me company on those cold, lonely nights that are sure to come after Bains savagely murders my girlfriend

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That was quick.


Colby's business card has a Steelton address, better call the Steelton cops and let them know a murderous psychopath is probably headed their way.



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Lovely weather we're having. How are you? Wait, there might be something more important to discuss, such as the psychotic murderer who is coming soon to a theatre near you.

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Miller will, naturally, know exactly who Bains is.

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He seemed lonely the last time he tried to shoot me in the head. Surely he'll want some phone time.


I head to burglary to ask about the shotgun we recovered from the motel room



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So Bains not only has my girlfriend, but also a lot of guns. Terrific news.

Citizen Bleys
03-02-2013, 06:11 PM
Since I slammed my gun hand against the wall at the motel, I'd better check my gun sights



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Here's where I'm aiming

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Eh, my aim is fine.

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Bains is going to Steelton, so I'm going to Steelton.

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This is what happens if you don't press the crosswalk button before crossing

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Oh well, I guess Bains gets away with it. Too bad about Marie, though.

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I already did. I don't have that kind of money. Well, I do, but I'm saving for a new TV.

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Smurf you too, buddy.

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Same old Larry

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Safety first. Hopefully this will be a nice, uneventful flight

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Yes, you can get drunk on the flight

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I complained about Carol's coffee in PQ1, and I complain about the airline coffee in PQ2. This is because I do not like coffee. I still drink it, though.

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Tell you when you're older

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This scene needs more stereotypes


For no reason whatsoever, the hijacker pushes his hostage and she falls over, leaving me with a clear line of fire.



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KHAAAAANNNNNN!

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Which, conveniently, is in English

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Nice of them to carry exactly what is needed to defuse the bomb.

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I read these instructions in a Russian accent due to the failure to use the definite article.

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Notice that the timer isn't at 0:01 at the time I defuse the bomb? This is because unlike movie cops, I am actually competent

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By which I mean I followed the instructions which Egyptian hijackers courteously translated into English for me prior to hijacking the plane. Nice fellows. Perhaps I shouldn't have shot and killed them both.

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Whose name does not matter at all, so henceforth I shall refer to him as Chuck.

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The only people left on Bains' hit list are me and Marie now. Well, he's had lots of time to kill Marie, so probably just me, actually.

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Remember PQ1? Burt Park is in Lytton.


Sixteen seconds after the marked squad car drives away, some dude with a mohawk tries to mug me, but I have a gun.



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Petition to make Keith change his last name to Murtagh

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Why? Lytton PD is closer. I like how we flew out to Steelton, talked to a couple of cops, had them drive us alllllll the way back to Lytton (and drop us off at Burt Park instead of the office), and now we're sending a local mugger back to Steelton for no reason

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"Evidence of recent use?" What the hell does that mean?

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I could open it, but instead I'll just move it

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See that pipe on the far right? If I walk in front of it, I die. Same thing happens if I misstep. Apparently these sewers have the universe's swiftest current and touching the sewage gets one instantly swept under and drowned in urine and feces.

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A gas mask in a sewer? Someone's got a sense of humour

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IT'S METHANE GAS! No, that's not my joke, in the game you can actually die from inhalation of methane gas.

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Yes, I'm actually wearing a gas mask to protect myself from concentrated fart smell.

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That's the only room in the sewer, it must be where Bains is living.
Yes, he broke out of jail, where he has free meals, hot showers, internet access, and probably a PS3, to live in a room surrounded by piss and shit at all times.


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Stereotype time again! If I don't "calm marie" she freaks out and brings Bains running

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So? I have a gun, too, and now Bains doesn't have a hostage.


If I do the sensible thing and point my gun at the door so that I've got the drop on Bains and he knows it as soon as he walks in, Bains auto-wins the shootout -- apparently he can assess the situation, draw his weapon, and fire it faster than I can react.

Instead, I'll hide behind those pipes like a coward and plug him before he even knows I'm here.



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That's what you told me at the end of PQ1. *shoots Bains in the head several times for good measure*

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That's one upside to being a cop: The consequence of fatally shooting someone is a paid vacation. *passes out police academy recruitment flyers to psychopaths*

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Yes, I would say pulling the trigger over and over and over again counts as some measure of involvement in the discharge of my weapon.

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I fired first. The first indicator Bains had that I was even there was my bullet through his head. Luckily I know how to lie to a review board.

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The review board didn't seem to catch on to the fact that every time Bains crosses my path, gunfire is involved and it's not even a little bit reluctant.


All's well that ends well; Bains is dead, I'm the one who killed him, and I'm getting paid for it instead of going to jail.

I didn't screencap the rest of it because it's formulaic and cloying; Sonny is awarded a commendation for killing Bains (Keith gets nothing), gets sent on a department-funded vacation to the Bahamas, and pops the question to Marie, who says yes, probably because as a syphilitic ex-prostitute, she doesn't exactly have a million options. This has been your run-on sentence for the day.


THE END