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View Full Version : Doing God's work, son.



DK
03-10-2013, 03:31 PM
Yesterday was a truly beautiful Saturday. The weather was absolutely gorgeous, not a cloud in the sky. It was one of those days that just demands even the most anti-social of people step outside and drink in the day. So much so that me and my bro J decided we were going to make ourselves a picnic and head to the park, which is precisely what we did. Good food, nice drink, glorious weather and a beautiful park in Yoyogi surrounded by loved up couples and people meditating. It was a really nice atmosphere. We even walked around before sitting down to eat and found this amazing temple called Meiji Jingu which we had a little wander around. All in all it was shaping up to be a pretty nice day.

We sat down on a particularly picturesque field, next to a little pond and surrounded by trees, took out J's amazing portable speaker with bluetooth functions and started quietly listening to some quality music while we kicked back. Everything was amazing, until we saw him. Wearing jeans so tight that they at least ensure he'd never be able to spawn vile offspring onto the planet, carrying a guitar on his back...the ponciest of hipsters came mincing into this lovely picture intent on ruining it with his awfulness. A western hipster ponce, no less. He proceeded to sit on a tree stump in the middle of all this, whip out his guitar and began caterwauling the most dire hipster filth ever seen.

It was absolutely dreadful. Everything about what he was doing was constructed to be seen as being deep and so intense, 'Look at me pouring my heart out on a tree stump in a park with my guitar, please random Japanese women come up to me and shower me with your love.' He kept looking around at various women sitting around to see if they were paying any attention to him. Me and J, however, only looked at each other. We knew there was no way we could stand for this. Gaijin's reputations over here are bad enough as they are, precisely because of this kind of failure. We knew what we had to do. God's work.

Thankfully, like I said, J's speaker is totally god tier. And it can go LOUD. So we shifted it in front of us and pointed it directly at this nancy boy and started playing all the amazing music we could think of, especially anything that was extremely popular in Japan like Ketsumeishi for example. We drowned that mothersmurfer OUT and thanks to our choice of songs, the natives were loving it. I must admit though, not all the songs we played were good or japanese. In fact one in particular is very english and very dire, however the fact that we drowned this ponce out with it was the gravest insult we could muster. That's right. In the middle of this wonderful park, with no reason other than to insult this nancy boy, we put a banging donk on it. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ckMvj1piK58&t=0m35s) Now like I said we knew doing this was terrible, but it was worth it because it was also the funniest thing we blared at him. This was our only real indiscretion though. Most of the stuff we played was lovely, and possibly the highlight of the whole thing was when a tiny little girl, who must have been two years old at most, ran past us listening to the music, looked at us and waved, and when we waved back the smile on her Dad's face upon seeing it was truly touching. We knew then that we were, as I said, truly doing God's work.

We kept up our barrage of anti-ponce until the workers at the park walked round to tell us it was soon to be closing time, and took great satisfaction in watching the utterly ruined hipster gimp pack up his guitar and slink off throwing us mighty evils for destroying his dire attempts to impress women. That look of pure hatred was the greatest reward we could have gotten.

So chaps, I put it to you, when was the last time you did God's work? I hope you felt the same sense of well-being that me and J did yesterday. Please share your own stories of times you've gone above and beyond to make the world a better place.

Jinx
03-10-2013, 03:36 PM
You are a true hero, Dan.

Psychotic
03-10-2013, 05:47 PM
You wanna put a banging donk on it.

Pike
03-10-2013, 05:59 PM
Dan is my spirit animal

Steve
03-10-2013, 07:17 PM
A truly legendary representative of the British Isles there, I always said you, Paul and myself ought to be diplomats to the world based on our sheer awesomeness. Of course, You've got the East, Paul I think ought to take the Central third of the world and I'll take the Western one the only reasons I suggest that lay out is simple: We all know that I'm supposedly John Terry.

Night Fury
03-10-2013, 07:38 PM
Permission to promote this to the frontsite?

-N-
03-10-2013, 07:39 PM
Glad to see you are still fucking awesome, Dan. :)

DK
03-10-2013, 08:41 PM
Neel Bhai! It's been a minute. Glad to see you're still alive. Hope all is good with you my man.

Denmark
03-10-2013, 09:00 PM
there are comments on that youtube video saying how "bad" that song is. i don't understand what they're listening to, that song is amazing.

Shiny
03-10-2013, 09:11 PM
Banging donk song is also pretty dire imo which is why it's so hilarious to that you blared it over his hipster filth.

Thank you for keeping him from procreating in Japan. A true an hero.

Loony BoB
03-11-2013, 02:42 PM
I don't know why I just listened to the entirity of that song, but I can only assume it was somehow ten times better than whatever crap that guy was attemping to 'create' on that unfortunate tree stump.

Parker
03-11-2013, 02:52 PM
Looks like I have a new ringtone. Thanks

Mikztsu
03-11-2013, 03:05 PM
Entertaining read, Dan. :)

Bubba
03-11-2013, 03:55 PM
You two ruined my day, you little pricks.

I'll have you know that I definitely got eyes off at least one Japanese lady. There's a chance it might have been a cross-dressing Japanese man... BUT HE WAS A VERY PRETTY MAN!!

DK
03-11-2013, 04:02 PM
You'd like it over here Bubba, Shinji Kagawa is everywhere it's hilarious. When you get on the trains there are little tv monitors in all of them playing adverts, including one where for some reason Shinji is sitting on a rock with waves crashing behind him while he holds up some kind of energy drink and drinks it and smiles while water explodes all around him. There is also an adidas advert where he attempts to beatbox which is also amusing.

Bubba
03-11-2013, 04:21 PM
You'd like it over here Bubba, Shinji Kagawa is everywhere it's hilarious. When you get on the trains there are little tv monitors in all of them playing adverts, including one where for some reason Shinji is sitting on a rock with waves crashing behind him while he holds up some kind of energy drink and drinks it and smiles while water explodes all around him. There is also an adidas advert where he attempts to beatbox which is also amusing.

Sounds good! I really hope he's playing against Reading this Saturday. It will give me chance to do the honourable thing and sleep with his wife.

Mikztsu
03-11-2013, 10:06 PM
Son, you still follow WWE's product? I started catch up on that couple of years ago and still entertains me.:greenie: And was it you who sent me those diapers? I think it's finally time to admit.

SammieBabe
03-11-2013, 10:50 PM
Dan, you write like the sexy beast you are!!

XxSephirothxX
03-12-2013, 12:33 AM
Half hoped for a "...and that's how I became the prince of a town called Bel Aire" at the end of that story.

I honestly spent about 10 minutes thinking about this topic and couldn't come up with anything noteworthy, which is kind of a bummer. Other than sometimes writing about topics I think are important, I don't do much to make the world a better place.

I did make a really good frittata a month ago, though.

Huckleberry Quin
03-12-2013, 01:58 AM
You're in Japan, Dan? Nice!

fire_of_avalon
03-12-2013, 01:58 AM
Today I took this quiz to find out if I was homophobic AND GUESS WHAT.

Nope.

DK
03-12-2013, 08:38 AM
Son, you still follow WWE's product? I started catch up on that couple of years ago and still entertains me.:greenie: And was it you who sent me those diapers? I think it's finally time to admit.

Not really, I still catch the events that I like a lot like the Royal Rumble and Wrestlemania but other than that I'm not really a big follower. Last time I got into it was when CM Punk was doing his thing a couple of years ago. Now mainly I just watch it because it still makes me laugh outrageously when people boot each other in the face.


Dan, you write like the sexy beast you are!!

ilu sammie


You're in Japan, Dan? Nice!

yes indeed I am Arthur. Actually just got a couple of e-mails today to arrange job interviews, too, so hopefully it will be for a while yet. Although this means we can no longer be friends, you being a chinaman now and all. :colbert:

Shiny
03-12-2013, 08:24 PM
Why is everyone moving further away from me to Asian countries?

Come to the States posthaste. :colbert:

SammieBabe
03-12-2013, 09:09 PM
ilu sammie


*snuggles and gropes*

Huckleberry Quin
03-13-2013, 03:08 AM
Hm. That is true.

I hope you catch something and die, imperial scum. :)

Night Fury
08-13-2016, 04:24 AM
Don't care this needs fame again. I just killed Crop with a reading of this.

Crop
08-13-2016, 04:33 AM
I am dead. Put a donk on it.