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Psychotic
03-30-2013, 05:53 PM
Really I just wanted to share a delightful tale from Skyrim with someone, but feel free to throw your own in! I know it's long but it'll only take like 3 minutes of your time to read. :greenie:

Our tale begins with me merrily wandering a snowy forest on some inane errand or somesuch thing. There is a very thick snowstorm and visibility is difficult, but through the swirling snow I spy a figure standing there - and whoever it is has not seen me. Now, with bandits, necromancers and all manner of unfriendly fellows roaming the wilds of Skyrim, normally I operate a "shoot first, discover their identity from their corpse" policy. This has led to a few... tragedies, lately, with innocent travellers or peddlers having fiery death rained down upon them for no apparent reason, and I decided I would discover this person's identity first.

Now, I'm pretty good at Sneaking. Actually, that's an understatement... I am smurfing amazing at Sneaking. I am Solid Snake wearing active camo. I can be crouching next to you and you can't actually see me. So I sneak up and identify who this person is... their name is "Thief". Now... another thing I am particularly good at is picking people's pockets, and as Mr Thief still hasn't noticed me despite my face literally being an inch away from his ass, I decide it would be a little bit ironic to steal from him. So I do. I steal... everything. I mean it. His knives? Mine. His boots? I'll have those. His clothes? Thank you very much. Picture, if you will, a bald man wearing only his underpants standing in the middle of a blizzard, cheerfully minding his own business. I thought then that it would only be polite to say hello and introduce myself after his kind donations.

He wasn't as friendly as you might expect. Now, I wear full Daedric Plate. I look like an ungodly demon from Hell. (http://i43.photobucket.com/albums/e373/photobucketamazingness/daedric_zps2e07e983.jpg) Of all the people you would want to try to hold up, I think I wouldn't be very high on that list. Conversely, though, I am probably the richest person in all of Skyrim, and this guy has been standing out in the middle of a snowy forest all day and I'm probably the first person he's seen, so I have to respect his dedication to his craft when he gives me the choice of my money or my life.

Admiring his pluck, I choose neither and instead just walk away. Again, I have to give credit where credit is due, he followed through with his threats against my life. Well... sort of. He doesn't have any armour or weapons so he stands there sheepishly looking at me for a few seconds, not sure of what to do. And then it hits him! Or rather, he hits me, and he launches a right hook into my face. Now, if you've seen the picture of my armour, you'll probably guess how much damage his little fist did to me. I think it did negative damage and I actually gained hit points.

"Well, that was amusing!" I thought, and wandered off. And the Thief decided to follow me. So off we went - he was the Sam to my Frodo! Well, if Sam was a naked bald man repeatedly hurling insults at Frodo while punching him in the back of the head. And Frodo was a demonic death God with the power to destroy the very fabric of reality. Actually, now that I think about it, it was nothing like Frodo and Sam, excluding the homosexual subtext of course. With the Thief, who I named George, in tow, I had many adventures. I climbed mountains, I forded streams, I found treasure. As I crouched down to pick some rare herbs, WHAM, another blow rained down on the back of my skull, we both laughed (well, I did, he yelled out "It'll be so much easier to rob you when you're dead!") and carried on.

He's quite the conversationalist, as it turns out.
"I'll have your head!" screams George.
"That's nice, George, it's good to have a goal, I guess. Do you want to help me pick mushrooms?" I say to my TV.
"Just die already so I can take your stuff!" he responds gruffly, swinging a fist at my face.
"Well, if you wanted the mushrooms that bad you could stop punching me for a second and help me. My skull will still be there when we're done."

There almost seemed to be a breakthrough at one point. A deer breaks into a clearing in the woods, and George chases after it and punches it (it seemed about as bothered as I am) and I notch an arrow and fire it into the beast's skull. "You're dead! Dead!" yells George, triumphantly, and I felt so close to him in that moment. Then he had to go and ruin it all when night fell and a wonderous sight appeared in the sky.

"Look George, the Northern Lights!" I cheerily called out.
"Never should have come here!" he snarled, aiming a blow at my ribs.
"Well, look George, I'm trying to take you out and show you the world so you could at least be a little bit grateful." I said - his words had very much hurt me.

It was then, at that moment, a dragon burst down from the sky and blasted us both in the face with its deadly frost breath. George, being a naked bald man, was destroyed instantly, and I felt sick - his death was bad enough, but that our relationship had ended on such a sour note... I couldn't take it. Let me tell you, I murdered the smurf out of that bastard dragon.

Steve
03-31-2013, 06:22 PM
haha when will you be doing your Skyrim edition of the spoon murderer?

Psychotic
03-31-2013, 06:35 PM
The Spoon Killer would indeed be a moment of triumphant glory. However I have literally only encountered 1 spoon in 145 hours (smurf me) of Skyrim. That's compared to Oblivion when I had "collected" 60+. I've taken that spoon with me everywhere though :)

NeoCracker
04-01-2013, 07:23 AM
I remember my buddy telling me a story about how in Morrowind (Maybe it was Oblivian) He stole the pants of everyone on a town, so he was the only person wearing Pants.

Roogle
04-02-2013, 09:14 PM
I played through Dark Souls last year as a Sorcerer. I tried to be as good as the game would allow and show my enemies mercy whenever I could.

There is a quest series that begins by befriending someone called Siegmeyer of Catarina. You meet him in several different locations throughout the game. On my last playthrough, I tried to complete his quest line, but he became glitched at Sen's Fortress, completely unresponsive to any attempt to talk to him. I tried everything that I could think of.

"Sir, please, I beg of you! Speak to me!" I said, trying to get his attention in whatever way possible. It was to no avail.

I began to hit him with my catalyst, as it was the only way to provoke a response out of him. He would mumble or act like he heard something suspicious. Could he not see me?

After I hit him several times, he stood up, yelled, "That's your game, is it?" and readied himself for battle. Then, he lept backwards into the ravine to his death. There was no time to react. He was gone forever.

It turned out that the quest line becomes bugged if you talk to Siegmeyer after disabling a trap in Sen's Fortress. You would have to reactivate it and then go talk to him for him to respond to you.

Psychotic
04-03-2013, 12:22 PM
I like that he had to one up you. You want to hit me? Very well, sir, I shall kill me. Your move.

Huckleberry Quin
04-03-2013, 03:10 PM
In New Vegas, I punched Caesar in the face and made a giant Legion conga dance merrily/angrily around The Fort. :bigsmile:

Renmiri
04-03-2013, 06:37 PM
I always steal all clothes and robes from those two Thalmor guys in Markath. And snicker as they walk around highfalutin and cocky, naked as sin :D And they even say hi to me ^^

Night Fury
04-04-2013, 07:43 PM
I was playing Skyrim last night, was carrying too much so had to drop a few things. Ended up dropping my armour D: Couldn't find it again on the floor so had to run around in a little suede bikini for some time, whilst passers by in the towns made comments like "Would you put some clothes on? You're making me unreasonably warm.."

Sephex
04-04-2013, 11:21 PM
I will copy and paste this story I wrote years ago:
______________________________________________

I just remember this one time I played Super Mario Bros. and it was probably one of the most intense games I have ever played in my entire life.

I was invited out to see a friend that I have not seen in ages. She is kind of a gamer nerd like me, and she wanted some old school Nintendo action, so I brought over my original NES. Somewhere along the line, she told me to beat Super Mario Bros.

Now, Super Mario Bros is either a hit or miss with me when it comes to actually completing the game. On other versions where they let you save, it's a cakewalk. However, as just about anyone who has even heard of video games know, the NES version of SMB has to be completed in one sitting without the use of saves. Sure, there is the continue trick if you get a game over, but I usually quit when I get my first game over when I play SMB.

I start playing getting all pumped. I am sitting there talking trash about how a blind person could beat the very first level with his foot. So what happens? I run Mario off a god damned cliff. I literally hung my head in shame. I almost wanted to quit right then and there, but I had to press on. There was no turning back.

I mosey my way through the game in great shape. Using the two warp zones, I make my way to world eight. I was still Fire Mario. Four more levels to go. **** was getting real.

So what happens after informing my friend that I have a good chance of beating the game? I run straight into the first enemy. I become small Mario. I am truly devastated by this tragic event. But I couldn't back down...not now. Bowser was four levels away, and there was no chance in hell he was keeping MY Princess.

Nothing significant happens until world 8-3. Whenever I got a mushroom, I ended up getting clobbered by the Hammer Bros. What was going on? I can usually make it to 8-4 without much difficulty. I get nervous as I sense my friend losing all hope in me. I then cause Mario to be fatally wounded by a Bullet Bill. I am now on my last life.

This was it. I abandoned my Big Mario strategy and just ran like hell. Everything was going fine until I reached the part where TWO Hammer Bros. surround you on an even playing field. One hammer brother to the left...and one to the right...I had to keep moving before all hope was lost and the Princess would be in Bowser's castle forever. It was now or never. By the hair of Mario's mustache, I caused him to breeze past his perilous situation, and I now faced the challenge of the last level: 8-4. My hands were shaking. My brows were furrowed. It was almost as if I was born for this moment.

Right when the level started, I realized something. If the Super Mario Bros. universe were real, my situation in the game would be pretty accurate. The real Mario would have no lives. He would only have one shot at this. Just like I did. I took a couple of real deep breaths, and I pressed onward.

Right before Bowser near the end of 8-4, there is one last Hammer Brother to conquer. Since I was still small Mario, there was little room for error. Plus, after passing said Hammer Brother, I would have to clear a lava pit with a fireball that pops right out of it! If I were big Mario, or if I had more lives--NO, WAIT!! I couldn't afford to think that way! I had to BE Mario!!

I cleared the last Hammer Brother, sailed over the lava pit, and the fireball was a fraction of a second too late in burning Mario to death. But now...now...Bowser was right in front of me. Mocking me with that hideous smile, conveniently moving fire breath, and barrage of hammers thrown in my direction. To me, this wasn't just a game anymore. I saw an opening in Bowser's defense, and I ran as fast as a chunky Italian plumber could.

This wasn't just about me beating Super Mario Bros. for the millionth time. This was for the Princess, the Mushroom Kingdom, and all those little asexual Toad dudes!!

I slipped under Bowser's jump by a single pixel, and all was over. Mario broke the bridge where our climatic battle took place and Bowser fell to his fiery death.

I saved the Princess, The Mushroom Kingdom, and my dignity.

The best part is that I didn't even have to use my A-K. I gotta say it was a good day.
___________________________________

There are things I don't agree with how I said what I said, and my skill with Mario games has increased tenfold since then. Still, that was one of the funnest games of SMB I ever had.

Psychotic
04-14-2013, 07:24 PM
Far Cry 3, a lovely open world jungle FPS/RPG hybrid.

The second attempt to capture the base.

My second attempt to capture the enemy base was poetry in motion. I began by scouting out the encampment from a nearby hillock, marking all of the guard's positions and formulated a plan. I crept out of the jungle and lured the guard at the gate away by throwing a rock. As he investigated the noise, I silently approached him from behind and gutted him with my knife. So far, so awesome. :cool:

Now that I was inside, I knew I had to disable the base's alarm systems. If a soldier spotted me, the alarm would be triggered and reinforcements would be summoned to pile further misery on me. The only problem is that it was guarded by two guards standing opposite each other. I couldn't kill one without the other one noticing. I had to be quick. I had recently learned a new skill and decided to try it out. As before, I crept up behind one of the guards and shanked him, but this time while my knife was still inside of him I reached for his and with one smooth motion unsheathed it and hurled it directly at his colleague. Aforementioned colleague had his comrade's knife in his neck before he had time to realise what had happened.

Now, this posed another problem. Sooner or later someone was going to stumble across the second guard's body as it was directly in the middle of the path. Well, may as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb, thought I. I planted a landmine right next to the body, and flitted round the side of the base, scrambling onto a rooftop just in time for the show. "What the smurf?" I heard a guard exclaim in his delightful African accent. "Is that a body?" Just to make sure, he decided to wander over just to check. It was, as he suspected, a body. However he had not anticipated the explosion to the face.

That had done it! The entire base was utterly confused and panicked at the explosion. It was at that point I hurled myself off the building, knife in hand, onto one of the guards. I then took advantage of the confusion by running out into the three of them that remained with my flamethrower blazing. Job done. Base Captured. No Alarms sounded, XP bonus. No detections, XP bonus. Who is the smurfing man? :smug:

You may of course have noticed that this was my second attempt. The first went a little like this.

The first attempt to capture the base.

I began by scouting out the encampment from a nearby hillock, marking all of the guard's positions and formulated a plan. I crept out of the jungle and lured the guard at the gate away by throwing a rock. As he investigated the noise, I silently approached him from behind and gutted him with my knife. So far, so awesome. :cool:

It was at this point that I received a flying kick to the face. It turns out a pair of cassowaries (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cassowary) had taken offence to my presence in their patch of jungle and had decided to murder me. Trust me, those things do not smurf about and have massive talons. Needless to say I had not expected this at all and nearly shat myself. I tried to defend myself with the first weapon I had to hand: The flamethrower.

Now, as I'm sure you are aware a flamethrower is not the most subtle of weapons. Nor, too, are Cassowaries the quietest of animals. So as you can imagine, the commotion right outside the base's gates drew some attention. Quite what the guards at the base thought when they saw a crazy white boy running around backwards in circles spewing fire everywhere while shrieking and yelling birds hurled themselves at him I'm not quite sure, but I have a pretty good idea.

I had just managed to defeat the brutes and put myself out (do you know how difficult it is to remain un-ignited when a couple of flaming birds try to rip your throat out in the middle of a rapidly burning jungle? It's not easy!) with a slither of health left, when I turned and looked to see four guards with assault rifles pointed at me. Well, smurf.

TrollHunter
04-14-2013, 09:13 PM
Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit 2

It was another overcast day deep in the deserts of arizona and my brother and I decided to go out for a quick fun race around the desolated area. We had this place memorized down to the location of every tree, and our race looked more akin to a dance through the desert. Soon enough, a police officer took notice of our 200mph speeds, decided that he didn't like that very much at all, and took on the chase. Now, this was expected for us. We had a ton of experience with the cops around these parts. Hell, with how many we had killed by this point they probably set up a cloning facility just for dealing with us.

The lone cop posed no threat, we hardly even noticed the guy... but then the cavalry came in. We now had about five cops on our tail and a pretty new helicopter. This is when it gets fun. We give eachother the nod, and stop swerving through the trees, narrowly missing eachother each time. The cops arent as skilled as we are and get destroyed by the trees.

Soon we'll make our escape. No... not yet, we have about 10 on us now (Don't ask me how). We're nearing a narrow bridge and we spy a spikestrip on the map. This... could be a problem. We race up to the bridge and hug the one side of the bridge with the opening... the right side. The cops follow suit right behind us. I'm at the front, my brothers behind me, and the cops are right behind him. Everything is going according to... wait, what was that sound?

Oh god, one of my tires hit the strip. I begun to spin out, and this caused the entire line of cars to join in too. All the cars crashed together in perfect harmony. And after the carnage we look again... We're all in one giant box of cars, and none of us are damaged. It's akin to a giant katamari of cars. We're in utter shock at this. We try to go forward... and the box moves forward. Sure, a cripple with no arms of legs could wiggle along the ground faster than us, but THIS IS SO COOL! I look to my brother and tell him that we should experiment with this. Alright, so lets try and- "You've been arrested"
....
....
God dammit.

Raistlin
04-15-2013, 04:26 AM
I remember goofing off with my college roommate's Fallout 3, and in the first town (the one with the bomb), I tried to steal something from a random building just for the hell out it. An NPC apparently just happened to walk by right as I attempting the steal and attacked me. I smacked that bitch down. The entire building, including all passers-by, swarmed into the room to attack me, and I was forced to mow them down. Afterwards, I discovered that the building I had been in was a church. Yes, I had just massacred an entire church.

:gator:

maybee
04-15-2013, 07:04 AM
Uhm....

When I was little I thought that Final Fantasy VII ended after the Shrina BLDG and Sephiroth flashback and that the next part must be FFVIII and the extra CD's must of been credits and the rest of the game was just fun free roam.

When my older brother pointed me to Junon I felt so stupid. :-[

Night Fury
04-17-2013, 12:11 AM
Not really something I did in a game, but I've just caught myself like... chanting along to the music in Skyrim. You know, the really epic sort of chanty/singing. Yeah, I just noticed I join in with that.... :lol:

Renmiri
04-17-2013, 05:00 AM
I remember goofing off with my college roommate's Fallout 3, and in the first town (the one with the bomb), I tried to steal something from a random building just for the hell out it. An NPC apparently just happened to walk by right as I attempting the steal and attacked me. I smacked that bitch down. The entire building, including all passers-by, swarmed into the room to attack me, and I was forced to mow them down. Afterwards, I discovered that the building I had been in was a church. Yes, I had just massacred an entire church.

:gator:

Lol, this reminds me of the chicken in Riverwood (Skyrim)

Unbreakable Will
04-18-2013, 06:54 PM
I was someone once, a bigshot you might say; rich beyond an emperor's wildest dreams, more holiday houses than a skooma merchant and all the power of 30 dragons... one day that all changed.

It was your average day in Solitude; Jaree asking me to ground an Imperial ship, the manager of the clothing shop insulting everyone who passed by, children asking complete strangers to play games and the bards singing songs at their college. I was on my way to see Falk Firebeard about the happenings at Wolfskull Cave, a disturbing encounter with the ghostly psychotic form of Potema, when a crazed man asked me to help him find his master. Intrigued I accepted his offer, and was promptly further befuddled by being handed the hip bone of Pelagius as a 'key'. I took the bone with me to the Blue Palace and recieved my payment for thwarting the return of Potema, it didn't take much to gain access to the forbidden wing after I name-dropped Firebeard to a serving wench... that's when it all started.

It was all a blur really, one moment I was exploring the abundantly cob-webbed forbidden wing, the next I was in fancy part attire and looking upon a small garden party. My first thought was that Sanguine had drugged me again, and as I was about to track him down and pummel him I spied him...Lord Sheogorath, the Daedric Prince of madness. As any rational dragon-souled Nord would do I approached the Mad-God to demand an explanation and instead received a hot piping bowl of crazed monologue and the Wabbajack.

I used the fantastic power of the staff to complete the task assigned by the Lord of the Shivering Isles, but that's not important to our story, my fall from grace happened upon my return from the paranoid mind of Pelagius. The power of the Wabbajack was too tempting to resist, it's variances and hilarious effects too enthralling to not explore. I threw everything away to see how many people I could turn into chickens and mudcrabs, if I could disrobe Jarls and turn their subjects invisible. My vaults full of septims soon faltered under the weight of my felonies, but I didn't care, my wife left me and my children hated me, but I didn't care, the very people whom I had saved from the dragon menace turned against me, and still I didn't care. It wasn't until mercenaries and assassins began hunting me down did I begin to understand that I had lost my sanity to the Wabbajack. I tried to fix it and attempted to find some magic that would let me go back in time... but it was too late to save. With my heart heavy with grief and self-pity I walked up the mountain where my journey had truly began, and after ascending to the seat of the clouds I ended it all. I can see Ivarstead now, approaching faster than a riled sabercat...

"Hey you, you're finally awake... You tried to cross the border right?"

Greatermaximus
04-22-2013, 08:52 PM
Too many to count.

In Super Mario 2 I used the plastic box with a red top and jarred it into a door. When I took it away the top half of the door was gone. I remember still being able to enter it.

I did get a turnip stuck in Toads head a couple times.

Jarred the door open in Perfect Dark in the weapon training room with a crate and tossed knives at Foster.

I Took the Red Pill
04-22-2013, 10:53 PM
I have fond memories of making Black Holes in SSBM in high school. After we got two on the screen the game started to get choppy. After the third things were moving at about 2 fps.

TrollHunter
04-24-2013, 07:03 AM
One time in Fable 1 I hired every single mercenary I could and went to twinblades camp.
From there, I got every single bandit there to follow me... my target, OAKVALE.

After the short trek there we entered the town... and it did not go as planned.
All of my bandits and mercs rushed forward, and the screen froze for about... 45seconds.
After that, most of my comrades were dead and I was left standing there dazed and confused.
Was a disappointing event, but the massive amount of freezing and lag I caused was absolutely hilarious.

Huckleberry Quin
04-24-2013, 08:14 AM
It's a beautiful day in New Austin. The four day storm has finally come to and end, and I feel the need... the need... for meat. Boar and armadillo meat, to be precise. I head south from Armadillo and immediately find its namesake animal in droves. Three carapaces in my bag, and it's time to find my greater prize.

I'd heard around town that there were plenty of boars around Tanner's Reach, though one always has to be on the lookout for wolves and cougars around those parts. Still, it seemed a much more attractive prospect than rummaging around Stillwater Creek for days on end.

As soon as I arrive, I see them. One, two, three... seven! Seven boars, ripe for the picking! I head over the ridge and quickly take down the first two I see, carefully skinning their carcasses whilst looking around for stealth cougars. Some of the beasts have gone running when they heard the noise, but in the distance I see three more who have yet to notice me. One at my level, and two on the steep ridge above me. I put down the closest and skin it, then immediately look up and drop the remaining two. That's five dead boars and three skins; just gotta get to the others now.

Climbing up the ridge is no easy feat, but I manage it quickly enough. I make it to the first carcass, right at the peak of the ridge. Argh! If it had been any closer to the edge, it would have rolled on down to my feet! Nevermind. Only one pelt remains. I turn around to get on my horse, but out the corner of my eye I see a hairy blur, followed by the thump of impact and a feeling of falling. As my life flashes before my eyes, one thought stands out clearly among the rest: "Clever girl."

Turns out one boar had remained hidden, waiting to catch me at my most vulnerable. She gave me just enough time to look her in the eyes before bowling me straight off the bloody cliff. And when I say bowled, I mean bowled. She sent me absolutely flying.

The boar took a tumble straight after me and died. Normally, the death screen doesn't last long enough for you to look around or anything, so how do I know this? Well, the boar crashed down right on my corpse. xD

Jessweeee♪
04-24-2013, 08:54 PM
So you know I was going through Mass Effect again and I had been being Shepard putting the moves on Kaidan and you know and then Matriarch Benezia's commandos killed me and when I reloaded I was back on the Normandy and found that my head had been surgically removed and put on a man's body (and I had that man's voice) and everyone kept calling me sir and I lost all of my cool biotic powers and I was level one and Kaidan wouldn't flirt with me anymore :(