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Citizen Bleys
03-31-2013, 07:44 PM
There's now an auction up on eBay for a decanter of rice wine supposedly brewed by Jesus. The current bid is just over a million dollars.

That's a lot of money for Christ's saké.

New pun thread GO!

Denmark
03-31-2013, 08:10 PM
I had an awesome day a couple days ago. I'm in the period between finding out I've gotten a job and actually starting said job, and it's a period of low stress. My personal/social life is doing great as well. So I took the day to just chill out, play video games, talk to my friends and just have a wonderful time.

Man, that was a Good Friday.

Citizen Bleys
03-31-2013, 08:39 PM
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. It asks the bartender, "How much do I owe you?"

Replies the bartender, "For you, no charge."

Unbreakable Will
03-31-2013, 09:52 PM
I kicked a duck in the face the other day,

The duck said, "Ack, that really hurt! Why would you do that?"

I replied, "Because you didn't pay your bill."

"Well I'll be sure to be on time next month, now if you'll excuse me I have to see my doctor." said the duck.

"Oh? Which doctor?" I questioned, "I'm looking for a new one you see, my old one was a bit of a quack."

The duck merely gave me a fowl look and flew off to his appointment.

Citizen Bleys
03-31-2013, 10:02 PM
Why doesn't Hitler play baseball anymore?

Three reichs, you're out!

Chemical
03-31-2013, 11:33 PM
So a seal walks into a club.

Shorty
04-01-2013, 10:50 AM
I thought this was a thread about bargain hunting and got super excited

Loony BoB
04-01-2013, 12:30 PM
Regarding the wedding...
Friend: "Have you got a date yet?"
Me: "Yeah... Danielle."

Aulayna
04-01-2013, 10:33 PM
What do you call an Alligator in a vest?

An Investigator!

Citizen Bleys
04-01-2013, 10:45 PM
Why is six afraid of seven?

Six hasn't been the same since he left Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes, he's sees Charlie hiding in the darkness of the forest. Not that you could ever see those bastards, mind you. They were fast and they knew their way around the jungle. He remembers the looks on the boy's faces when they walked into that village and... oh Jesus. He shouldn't think about that now. Sometimes he still hears Tex's slow southern drawl. He remembers the smell of Brooklyn's cigarettes. He always had a pack of Luckys. But the boys are gone now... he knows that. It's--it's just that he forgets sometimes. And sometimes the way that seven looks at him... it makes him think. Sets him on edge. And he feels like he's back there... In the jungle... In the darkness.

Seven has a hook for a hand as well, which is very scary.

Chris
04-03-2013, 12:11 PM
Bob Dylan is an awesome singer. LOL.

Chemical
04-03-2013, 01:41 PM
I respect Raistlin.

Calliope
04-03-2013, 07:28 PM
Player One: Do you think Leonardo DiCaprio is going to be any good as Jay Gatsby?

Player Two: Oh, I think he's going to be a great Gatsby!

Clo
04-03-2013, 08:54 PM
I had a bowl of sarcasm this morning and it tasted iron-y.

the_best_noob
04-03-2013, 09:01 PM
Do you think Phil's sick? He's been wearing a saddle and talking raspy
No, I think he's just a bit hoarse.

Chemical
04-04-2013, 04:56 AM
That Toadstool sure is a funguy.
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/f/f5/Toad_3D_Land.jpg

Teek
04-04-2013, 06:16 AM
God damn it. I was hoping we were going to talk about bargains. I can't make a pun for the life of me.

Chemical
04-04-2013, 04:38 PM
God damn it. I was hoping we were going to talk about bargains. I can't make a pun for the life of me.

Ive got a great bargain on puns; all it costs is a little common cents.

Shlup
04-06-2013, 05:25 AM
I can't decide if this thread is terrible or fabulous.