Thunkk's Quest for Gloary!

[Flying Mullet]

Editor's Note:
To all the Diablo 3 haters out there, don't bring it in here. This thread isn't for discussing your greivances with Diablo 3. If you want to bitch and moan about it, take it to the Battle.net D3 forums (http://us.battle.net/d3/en/forum/). If you piss in this thread then I MUST BREAK YOU! You just read that in Ivan Drago's voice. Thanks in advance for respecting the fun nature of this thread.

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Meet Thunkk. Thunkk is a level 60, paragon level 10 Barbarian who fights quite comfortably in Inferno. But Thunkk's not happy. Yes, he's saved the world and mankind, but that's not enough. Thunkk wants more. Thunkk wants gloary! Yes, not glory, but gloary! How will Thunkk find his gloary? Simple, he will obtain a Marquise Ruby (http://us.battle.net/d3/en/artisan/jeweler/recipe/marquise-ruby#best) and a Strength Hellfire Ring (http://us.battle.net/d3/en/artisan/jeweler/recipe/hellfire-ring-of-strength#best). But these are no simple tasks, for they require dedication and a trout-ton of money. Honestly, the amount of money needed to craft a Marquise Gem is astronomical. "But Mulley, that's going to take a crap ton of time and will be a waste of your life!" Hey, it's not anymore time than you spend masturbating to Tifa x Lulu fanfiction so let's call it even. Honestly, I still enjoy playing the game but I am looking for new ways to experience the game and this sounded like a fun way to share some of my adventures and mix things up.

Join Thunkk and I as he quests for Gloary knocking skulls around battling the spawns of hell and I enjoy some awesome No Label Don Jalapeno Ale (http://nolabelbrew.com/beers/) Did you just recoil in disgust at the mention of a jalapeno ale? Then you must drink yellow fizzy water (http://freedomfromscrutiny.blogspot.com/2012/02/budweiser-still-sucks.html).

GLOARY!!

[Flying Mullet]

The minions of hell are quaking at the mere mention of Thunkk's name. His anger management strategy is working out nicely. Batter up!

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[CimminyCricket]

Magic_boner vs. Boobzors

[Flying Mullet]

I won't even attempt to emulate that in this thread. I would only sully it's legacy. :(

So when this first dropped I thought it said "Scrotum". Not sure how I would equip that...
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[CimminyCricket]

Ha! I thought it said scrotum too. Maybe you have to hold it in your hand gently!

[Flying Mullet]

Fun fact about these flying guys: In an interview (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0r--lCyPjRY) one of the developers said they have a green cloud about them because they are supposed to smell like rotten cheese.
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[CimminyCricket]

Is this still pay to play?

[Flying Mullet]

A subscription fee? There's never been one for Diablo 3.

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So after roughly two hours of game play I was able to craft my first Flawless Star Ruby (http://us.battle.net/d3/en/artisan/jeweler/recipe/flawless-square-ruby#best). To do so I had to craft 6 Perfect Square Rubies, 2 Radiant Square Rubies, one Star Ruby and then finally the Flawless Star Ruby. Doing so cost me 460,000 gold. To craft the remaining gems needed for a Marquise Ruby (assuming I find all of the Flawless Square Rubies and don't have to buy any) I will have to spend 66,200,000 gold. Sounds like I need to save up!

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Thankfully Thunkk worked hard for Gloary tonight and even had an Azurewrath (http://us.battle.net/d3/en/item/azurewrath#best) drop. Hopefully I will be able to sell it for some decent gold on the auction house. I'll have to see what similar ones are selling for. For those of you that haven't played Diablo 3, legendary and set items are much more rare drops than in Diablo 2 and if you find one with good stats that you don't need they can sell for a pretty penny in the auction house.

[CimminyCricket]

Azurewrath? OOO I WANT THAT ITEM SAVE ME ONE MULLY THAT WAS THE NAME OF MY ICE SORC!!

[Jinx]

i h88888 dis game it iz teh suxxorzzzz1!!!!!!111!2@

Oh Mulley, everything you do is so fun. Looking forward to reading future installments. :D And rotten cheese? Really?

[Raistlin]

GLOARY

I never got around to playing Diablo 3, but 2 was great fun. I eagerly await the rest of your adventures.

[Flying Mullet]

To give a little insight to the second of Thunkk's goals for Gloary, let's talk about the Hellfire Ring (http://us.battle.net/d3/en/artisan/jeweler/recipe/hellfire-ring-of-strength#best). To craft this beauty, you first must get a set of three keys, Hate, Destruction and Terror. Once you have a set of three keys you can open a portal to a special battle where you fight two uber-versions of bosses from the game together. Once defeated, they have a chance of dropping one of the three items needed to craft the Hellfire Ring. Yes, I said "chance". That means you might go through all of this work and not have anything to show for it at the end. And the portal that opens to one of the three special fights is random, thus it is recommended to open three in one game and knock them all out to help your chances. Some of you are probably thinking "This sounds a lot like Uber-Tristram in Diablo 2". Yeah, it has a very similar setup.

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Each of the first three acts has a Keywarden who drops a specific key. The Keywarden from the first act was kind enough to drop a key for me last night. I now have two Keys of Destruction, a far cry from the minimum of three of each key that I will need before I attempt any portals. Unfortunately the Keywarden in the third act wasn't as nice last night and didn't give me a key.


In addition to the components of the Hellfire Ring, you also need to find the Infernal Machine Plan to teach the blacksmith so you can craft the keys into portals, which can be found by defeating the Keywarden in the fourth act. Thankfully you only need to do this once and I have already had the plan drop from the fourth act Keywarden, so I am a little closer to my goal.

In closing, I'll leave you with a couple of images of Thunkk being awesome. Seriously, this guy doesn't do anything half ass. Even when doing things as simple as identifying items and teleporting back to town he looks like he's ready to go super-sayan and throw down.
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GLOARY!!!

[Raistlin]

That is one beastly set of armor you've got there. Though with a name like "Thunkk," his head is probably as tough and thick as the helmet.

[Flying Mullet]

This little guy's shitting his pants as I cave his skull in. Poor fellah...
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[Raistlin]

Aw, poor little guy. It's holding its arms out for a hug! It just wants some love...

[Flying Mullet]

Do you know why playing the barbarian is so much fun? He doesn't take trout from anyone and is also a bit of a smart-ass. Here are a couple of conversations he has had with his follower:

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[Jinx]

Oh, Thunkk.

[Flying Mullet]

Thunkk might be taking a vacation on the beach to sip mai-tai's for bit. I will be getting my Diablo3 fix while riding my bike trainer for the foreseeable future on the PS3.

Amazon.com: Diablo III: Playstation 3: Video Games (http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00BGA9V2Q/ref=pe_385040_30332190_pe_175190_21431760_M3T1_ST1_dp_1)

[theundeadhero]

Does this mean I have to choose between spending my time on this or masturbating to Tifa x Lulu?
I'm not sure I can make that commitment.

I want to see Thunk SMASH though.