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Raistlin
12-04-2013, 01:08 AM
There is a story going around where I work about one of the most legendary crimes in this area’s history. The significance of this case cannot be overstated, and the police have pursued these villains to the full extent of the law. I rest easier at night knowing that these sort of horrible criminals will be thoroughly prosecuted.

A woman, let’s call her Alice (names changed to protect the horrifically guilty), works at a university. She notices that a tub of roughly $60 worth of candy intended for a university club is almost all gone. Alice then took the noble step and contacted the authorities to report this heinous crime. Someone else, let’s call call him BoBb, then admitted to have taken most of the candy, and offered to reimburse the club. The police charged Bob with misdemeanor theft with a value under $100 (maximum possible punishment: 90 days in jail and/or $500 fine). Hurray, a villain brought to justice!

But the person who admitted to taking the candy was not the only villain here. No, the university police recognized what a truly horrific crime this was, and so launched a full investigation, spanning over a week and consisting of multiple witness interviews and statements. It was a good thing, too, because this thorough investigation revealed the following criminals who had been hiding in plain sight, and who would have otherwise escaped justice:

1. A man, let’s call him Chris, was a worker who had originally put the candy in a storage closet for safekeeping. When doing so, he noticed that there was an open box of Airheads. He subsequently stated that he had taken one or two Airheads from the box whenever he passed by it over the previous week.

Chris was charged with theft under $100.

2. Another woman, let’s call her Darla, said that she was the one who had ordered Chris to put the candy in the storage closet for safekeeping. After doing so, she noticed that there was an open box of Airheads. She stated that she had taken a single Airhead.

Darla was charged with theft under $100.

3. Upon further interrogation, Alice stated that when she noticed the candy was missing and called the police, she noticed that there were just a few small Snickers bars remaining in an open package. She stated that she allowed her staff to take them since the rest was already missing.

Alice was charged with theft under $100.

Thankfully, the thorough police investigation revealed these fiends for who they truly were: beasts who would dare to take a piece of candy that was out in the open. My town, our country, and the entire world will be a safer place once these perpetrators have been brought to justice.

Topic: what little things do you steal or have stolen that would make you liable for SERIOUS CRIMINAL PROSECUTION if your area had such brave and noble police officers as the ones who investigated the Great Candy Caper?

Calliope
12-04-2013, 01:10 AM
Raistlin for Most Misleading Thread Title Winter Ciddies 2013

Spuuky
12-04-2013, 01:17 AM
YOU WOULDN'T DOWNLOAD A CAR

Lone Wolf Leonhart
12-04-2013, 01:47 AM
YOU WOULDN'T DOWNLOAD A CAR

Thank you movies, for the buzzkill threat of possibly arresting me every time I watch you.

Spuuky
12-04-2013, 01:50 AM
Thank you movies, for the buzzkill threat of possibly arresting me every time I watch you.You should try pirating them, saves you the trouble of dealing with that crap.

Calliope
12-04-2013, 01:50 AM
YOU WOULDN'T DOWNLOAD A CAR

Only because Comcast is bollocks and drops our internet service so often. I might print a car, though... (http://www.stuff.co.nz/motoring/videos/8995908/Kiwi-3D-printing-an-Aston-Martin)

noxious.sunshine
12-04-2013, 03:24 AM
YOU WOULDN'T DOWNLOAD A CAR

Only because Comcast is bollocks and drops our internet service so often. I might print a car, though... (http://www.stuff.co.nz/motoring/videos/8995908/Kiwi-3D-printing-an-Aston-Martin)

Comcast is the Devil.


Anyway. What? Are you seriously asking me to admit to committing a crime?

Okay I might've accidentally taken make up and various other items in my time.

I once lifted like $150 worth of jewelry and make up from Hot Topic when I was in high school. yep.

Mo-Nercy
12-04-2013, 05:41 AM
In my adolescence, I worked at McDonald's. I would go straight to work after school most days and come home with huge hauls of frozen chicken nuggets, patties, hash browns and cleaning chemicals.

But the greatest heist came in my final week. I went up to the old office which had been converted into an unofficial smokers lounge and noticed some boxes against the back wall with our area manager's name scribbled on the side. Curiosity got the better of me and I took a peek. Inside, I found about ten smaller boxes, each with a dozen congratulatory Crew of The Month certificates and an accompanying letter. Attached the bottom of each letter was a prepaid credit card worth $50.

I may or may not have taken them all and gone on a shopping spree and had free petrol for a year.

Raistlin
12-04-2013, 06:30 PM
Just FYI for everyone, you may want to avoid publicly discussing anything that could remotely be considered an actual crime. This was more for things like taking a pen from work that no one gives a shit about in any sane world.

The other day I used a work pen to write a non-work-related note. The ink used must have cost at least most of 1 cent.

Spuuky
12-04-2013, 06:33 PM
Guess I won't explain the details of my elaborate conspiracy to murder Raistlin, then.

EDIT FOR NSA: Bombs, Iran, jihad, America, 9/11, Israel, nuclear, Hezbollah, destroy, assassinate, Obama, Loony BoB, terror, firewall, PRISM, bin Laden, nukes

Hollycat
12-04-2013, 09:38 PM
Guess I won't explain the details of my elaborate conspiracy to murder Raistlin, then.

EDIT FOR NSA: Bombs, Iran, jihad, America, 9/11, Israel, nuclear, Hezbollah, destroy, assassinate, Obama, Loony BoB, terror, firewall, PRISM, bin Laden, nukes

Dude, not funny. The government takes fake LB codes very seriously.

I once stole a pack of yugioh cards if that counts. I was 13.

noxious.sunshine
12-04-2013, 09:44 PM
True dat.

My dad knew someone who was a truck driver like my dad and said "bomb" over an open phone line.. He hauled military equipment and lost his clearances to haul A&E.

Freya
12-04-2013, 10:05 PM
One time at my old job they refused to take an HDMI cord in trade in because it looked like a dog chewed on it. Just a bite really. But the owner didn't want it so they left it there on our counter and walked out. So they were going to throw it away cause it had the bite mark! So I snuck it home with me instead. It has been my working HDMI cord for almost 2 years now.

At my new job they put stuff out at the desk next to me for the new person when they got out of training. They quit the day before they were released to their new desk. I ran out of sticky notes and it's been sitting there for 2 months now. I took the sticky notes yesterday =x

krissy
12-05-2013, 02:24 AM
freya you recycling monster

Jiro
12-05-2013, 01:50 PM
Two years ago I went on a little road trip with some friends during the summer. It was a semi impromptu thing, and we decided to just throw some crap in the car and just drive and see where we ended up. Certainly something I can recommend if you've got a bit of wanderlust or boredom is groping your left ass cheek. Anyway, we had been driving for like four or five hours and at this point the excitement, somehow, hadn't worn off. We pulled into this servo to fuel up and restock our supplies and my mate [redacted] thought it would be a good idea to [redacted]. So we did. Probably not the best decision, but hey, what the smurf right? So while [redacted] was putting petrol in the car, the rest of us [redacted].

Ten hours later we [redacted]. Thought for a long time we were gonna die or something, it was horrendous.

Not nearly as extreme as the coffee mug incident though.