View Full Version : Let's Harry Potter Games - Help Choose The Next Instalment!

04-25-2014, 08:43 PM
There has been an outbreak of Potter fever around these parts recently (can you tell I started this about 2 months ago?), and I have just finished reading The Philosopher’s Stone in my first reread of the whole series since The Deathly Hallows came out. So, I am going to chronicle my thoughts and feelings on each book as we go along because my opinions matter to every single one of you. Breaking it down to its individual parts, and analysing important scenes. It is going to be a magical adventure.
Without further ado, I present:

Shauna Reads Harry Potter!

A terrific book.

We start our story following the everyday lives of Vernon and Petunia Dursley as… we find out that something… odd… has happened. People dressed in… strange clothes... …Zzzz….

Ugh, nevermind this. Reminds me too much of those English Literature classes I so loathed. Let’s just play some video games instead. These will have as much great quality as the novels themselves, I’m sure. It’s not like video game adaptations of things are bad at any point.

Shauna Plays Harry Potter-Related Video Games!

First up we have a GameBoy Color Entry

This particular iteration of Harry Potter video game plays as an RPG. As you learn more spells, you have more moves to use in battle. Sounds interesting. I like Harry Potter, I like RPGs – where can this go wrong? Let’s boot this bad boy up and experience the magic for myself!

There is an American Language option for those of you who are confused by what a "Philosopher's Stone" is

There is some annoying musical loop playing over this menu (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (GBC) - Main Theme - YouTube (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mdLrUo_O52E)). The same little Harry Potter jingle, over and over. That won’t get annoying at any point. No siree. But boom, New Game - take me away to other annoying jingles.


Oh hey there little boy who knows nothing about the magical world, have this explanation of one sentence of what’s going on for the rest of your life. I realise the book was just as bad for this, however seeing it written on this letter just emphasises the issue. He deserved more of an explanation, dammit!
Moving on, we start our adventure in Diagon Alley with our friend Hagrid.

Welcome t- Wait a second…


Ah the good old days when these were considered decent graphics. Along with that, we are definitely spoiled with Harry Potter when it comes to visual things because of the movies. It’s unfortunate. If I didn’t vaguely picture Robbie Coltrane whenever I thought of Hagrid, I’m sure this little purple guy wouldn’t be as amusing to me. Although, Harry’s little profile picture isn’t nearly as bad, I find.

Almost looks normal.

Crazy profile pictures or not, we’re in Diagon Alley, and Harry has to get his wand. Of course, instead of doing what I’m supposed to, I run around the area stealing things and chatting to the interesting people of the wizarding world. More annoying loops play as I wander around. I will cut it some slack because it is just a GBC game, though.
The first thing I find are some Famous Witches and Wizard Cards! These appear to be some kind of collectable which help out in-game in some way or another. I’m sure I’ll never use it. Of course, these cards are hidden in the usual places…

...inside pots and barrels...

...being held by an owl...? Okay then.

As I mentioned previously, we have some interesting characters in Diagon Alley. They are the usual NPC fare, giving advice, talking nonsense…

Windswept wizard warns me of what lies ahead...

While Hoodzard raves about how great I am

There are a number of shops around the alley, places to buy potions, sweets, equipment such as boots and robes. There’s also a broom shop who turn me away because I am not even a first year yet. Massive dicks. However, once again, I have to bring up the profile pictures. Shortly after leaving Hagrid, I came across this guy:

Good god he has flesh whiskers

This is what truly started my obsession with these odd little pictures. Here is a sampling of what Diagon Alley has to offer.

So beautiful, it makes me cry

Enough of that people watching. Time to go get my wand so I can move on with the game. I head into Ollivander’s and Hagrid immediately bails and tells me he’ll be in Gringotts. Gives me some one on one time with the man himself, Mr Ollivander. He was always a vaguely creepy guy, I hope this translates well to the scre-


Well. Okay. Creepy in a different way. He gives me my wand, and tells me that it comes equipped with two spells: Flipendo and Vermillious Uno. Equipping spells, okay. I suppose they’ve got to do what they’ve got to do to make this game work.

I certainly hope you won't be casting any spells, Harry. No magic outside of Hogwarts!

Outside, I am accosted by some nerd kid who wants to talk to me about the Famous Witches and Wizard cards. There appears to be a use for the cards in battle, I guess I'll have a look at that when I get to the battling part. The nerd gives me a starter pack and everything, to start me on my fun journey of Wizard Cards! There was a selection of names I didn’t recognise for the starter packs, so I went with the “Gregory the Smarmy” deck. Harry also comes out with quite a line in regards to cards.

As if the Dursleys would let you have a pack of cards, you might start doing card tricks!

The little guy leaves me alone, and I head to Gringotts to get some cash. After reconvening with Hagrid and meeting up with Griphook, we head into the depths of Gringotts where Harry is an absolute tool.


He legitimately stumbles over nothing, leaving me to navigate the same walls of Gringotts to find his vault. Convenient excuse to get Harry on his own, game. God help us all.

04-25-2014, 08:46 PM
This will be pretty amusing :p

04-25-2014, 08:54 PM

Okay, seriously though, I owned Chamber of Secrets and that game was HARD AS SHIT. Horrible controls that just brought on so much rage.

04-25-2014, 08:55 PM
These portraits are amazing.

04-25-2014, 08:55 PM
Yes, that sounds like the Harry Potter games of my childhood.

EDIT: I know, right. I have like a million more saved because they are all gold.

Madame Adequate
04-25-2014, 09:10 PM

Do you have chimney numbers for either of these hot honies?

04-25-2014, 11:01 PM
We last left our hero rolling around on the ground as he found he couldn’t walk under the weight of his newfound magical powers.

Gringotts serves as our first dungeon. Here is where I will learn how the game works. You wander around, running into enemies. They appear on the field as bizarre blobs of sparkly blue.


Touching one of these things brings us to the battle screen.


Harry has limited magic points? Okay. Magic is limited, kids, don’t forget it! Choices are spell, card, item and flee. I know which one of those I won’t be using. That’s right, card. I said before I’d check it out, but I haven’t, and I probably won’t ever. My spells are enough! Speaking of spells, here are my options with required magic points each.

Here they are. No witty comments here.

Gringotts as a dungeon is not very exciting. It’s all the same all over the place. Although there are some unexpected surprises in some inconspicuous locations. Like this gaping hole in the wall!

It’s a Wizard Card!


Eventually, I come across the boss of the level. I recognise it’s a boss because the wiggly blue thing is BIGGER and MORE SPARKLY.

Thar she bloooowwwwws

It’s a giant rat. He’ll be easy. I will kick his butt. Awwww yeah!



Well trout. That was not quite what I wanted. Not at all. Arggggghhhhhhhhh! I actually cannot believe I was KO’d in this game. I have so much shame. SO MUCH SHAME.

So we’re brought to this random woman’s shop when we’re KO’d. Harry just drinks the stuff she gives him. He has been part of this magical world for about 30 minutes, and he’s just running around drinking free stuff from any old person. Harry is not long for this world.

Delicious green goop

Well, to try and save Harry from his impending doom, I decide to use some of those sickles gained from fighting bats and rats to equip Harry with some better gear.

Ain’t no rats gonna kill me this time

I make my way back through the Gringotts vault and back to the giant blob rat. With my super charged protected Harry, nothing will be KO-ing me this time.

Take that, you dick

After defeating that totally difficult boss that nobody would ever be able to defeat in one go, we can press on to the end of the vaults. Lucky Hagrid and Griphook waited for me outside the vault.

Shouldn’t have dawdled… Why I oughta…

Thanks Hagrid. You knew you left Harry behind yet you just laughed and walked away anyway. “Look a’ all these vicious beasts! Harry can take ‘em.” Ugh, what is his deal.

Into the vault! So many piles of gold and silver and rubies and jewels, I can’t wait to get enough money to last me forever!

Or not.

Just as an FYI – I used up all this money before moving on with the game. How was this supposed to support Harry over his whole first year if it barely covered his initial shopping trip!? Nevermind, I'm sure finding sickles from rats will get Harry through life.

We get another congratulations screen, for some reason:

Awwwww yeah! Dead family gold!

Time to go wander around Diagon Alley and buy up all the school supplies. Luckily Hagrid stopped laughing at me long enough to hand over the list of things.

What an interesting list. Yes indeed.

In Madam Malkin’s Robe Shop, we run into everyone’s favourite Slytherin ragamuffin – Draco Malfoy! He looks menacing as ever.

I like his green top.

He seems nice. I am sure we will be best friends 5eva.

Shopping done, and I have a full inventory of equipped items.

Check ‘em

Hagrid said to meet him outside Gringotts after I have spent every last sickle. Walking up to him, he says that he has a surprise for me. I wonder what it could be!?

Apparently it is an owl. I am sceptical.

Hagrid tells us that we need to get to the train station right now because the train is going to leave soon! There is no indication that Hagrid escorted Harry anywhere – I like to imagine that he just went to the Leaky Cauldron and got drunk, leaving Harry to find his own way to Platform 9¾ .

Time to get ma learnin’ on!


04-25-2014, 11:15 PM
Shauna, this is great. Seriously, I LOL'd for a real a few times.

First thought, I didn't realize this game was turn-based. The game I played was action.

Second, wtf is a name tag pack? Why does he need them? I don't remember this from the books?

Third, does Draco have a fucking mullet?

04-25-2014, 11:18 PM
1) There are many different Harry Potter games. I played a few on the PS1 and they were action packed.

2) I dunno. More excuses to spend all those millions of sickles.

3) Yes. His character is very much business in the front, party in the back.

04-25-2014, 11:19 PM
I think I played the GBA Sorcerer's Stone game because the one I played wasn't a turn based game. I always forget which one is which. I think I did acquire this game for free, though. I might have to play it sometime.

04-25-2014, 11:24 PM
Yeah, my CoS was GBA!

Can't wait for more, Shauna. I knew you were worth a chuckle, but you're proving yourself pretty damn hilarious.

04-25-2014, 11:28 PM
It's my secret hidden talent. I actually can be quite an amusing person when I want to be. :shobon:

Miss Mae
04-25-2014, 11:38 PM
This is hilarious. I look forward to the next instalment.

04-26-2014, 01:49 AM
Oh sweet Jesus, these games. I never played the GBC version (I only played the PlayStation and GameCube ones) but I know enough about it already. These games are just :roll2 I don't know, man. They make Hermione a blond in the first game and the Hufflepuff colors purple and black. Draco is coming at me with fire crackers! WTF?!

04-26-2014, 03:21 PM
OK, so this thread has gotten the new Let's Play Forum off to a flier. What I am reading pleases me greatly and I look forward to the next instalment :p

Can't wait to see how well Dumbledore and Snape are represented!

EDIT: Also, that owl is the creepiest smurfing thing I've ever seen.

04-26-2014, 06:56 PM

Madame Adequate
04-27-2014, 06:52 AM

04-27-2014, 09:03 AM
That image of Draco Malfoy can only be described as "dopey :bou::bou::bou::bou:"

04-27-2014, 04:15 PM
That owl is a fucking lemur! What the Hell!

04-27-2014, 07:47 PM
Somehow Harry made it to King’s Cross Station in one piece. Of course, the first thing to do is to look around for random items. I found some chewing gum that was stuck to a lamppost.

Delicious, or ew? You make the choice.

Items such as these are used in battles to heal stamina points (SP) or magic points (MP). I have not had to use any items in battle so far so I cannot comment on their usefulness. Although, some may claim that it may have been a good idea earlier to maybe use a healing item or ten. Those people claim wrongly.

Again though, the wizarding world shows off many fascinating characters.

The moustaches are particularly amazing

None of these guys have anything exciting to talk about. Mostly just complaining about muggle clothes and how itchy they are.

Around the corner are the Weasleys! Everyone’s favourite ginger poor people. Fred (George?) gets right to the point when I approach them.

Am I… who? I am a him, yes. Please, do be more vague.

Mrs Weasley tells him off for drawing attention to the poor boy who is all alone without a family, and tells us to get our butts on the train before it leaves. Before I go, I make sure to grab a glance at everyone’s faces, to make sure I remember them forever.

Why does Ron have an open book on his head. Weird.

It is revealed that the way to tell the difference between Fred and George is that one of them has their mouth hanging open at all times.

Anyway, on to the train!

Choo-ch- Actually, wait, one of my classmates says it best

What a special kid.

Not only do we have some dumb as bricks kids on this train, some of them have interesting insights into what they expect from this journey, and Hogwarts itself.

Um, okay.

Hey girl, nice to meet you too. ;)

No they are not. As a wizard kid, you should know that magical people know nothing about muggle technology! (No, I don’t care if he is from a muggle family :colbert: )

I know that feeling, kiddo.

As has come to be expected from this game, some more crazy profiles of my classmates.

I tried to guess what well known characters each of these could be, but I came up blank. Except that last one, that’s Lee Jordan.

I have saved the best for last though.

Yes. This is Neville Longbottom. Don’t worry kid, you’ll become really attractive soon.

After my brisk stroll through the carriages, meeting and greeting my fellow scholars, I find Ron.

And Scabbers.

There is some brief chat of introduction, chatting about how poor Ron is, and how famous Harry is - it shows how they are clearly becoming fast friends! - when some chick wanders up.

Oh, hello Hermione.

She starts boasting about how she knows everything in the world to do with Hogwarts and magic and even Harry Potter himself, despite being from a muggle family, in true Hermione fashion.

She is so great, she even manages to teach us a new spell. Okay then.

She leaves to continue helping poor, odd-looking Neville, and Ron makes his feelings about the know-it-all very clear.

Yeah, man, she should just shut up with all her talking.

Harry and Ron quickly forget about Hermione, and start discussing wizard sweets as the sweet trolley lady rolls up. It is revealed Ron ate dirt once. That’s about as much focus as that comment gets before Harry goes up to the woman and takes the lot, of course. Unfortunately, the fun sweet times are prematurely ended when he enters the scene.

Hey man, that’s not cool. I spend a miniscule fraction of my parents’ massive wealth on all these sweets.

Crabbe and Goyle gear up to take on Harry and Ron with some intimidating comments.

Uh, intimidating noises

What will our brave 11 year olds do against these bullies? Nothing, because Scabbers takes them on.

You don’t smurfing mess with Scabbers.

Crabbe and Goyle run away like the pansies they are, leaving Harry to duel Malfoy. Somehow he knows how to wizard duel. It looks unsurprisingly like every other battle.

I will use that new spell Hermione taught me to take this guy down. She wouldn’t mind her knowledge being used to break the rules.

After the battle, I learn something new! It seems that using spells a certain number of times unlocks a new stronger spell level that uses more MP.

How. Exciting.

So in this case I now have two Vermillious spells – Vermillious Uno and Duo. Duo is the stronger version because it means two.

I have shown Draco Malfoy who the boss is this day. I’m sure he’ll have some cruel cutting remark about how the Weasleys are crap, or how Harry has no family. Draco is a massive tool – but I can take his horrible words. Give me your worst!

Oh. Well. I’m sure the card are duplicates of what I already have though. Dick.

I just don’t get it. “Oh, I hate you Potter! But please, be careful against stronger opponents! Take some of my collectable cards!” I was going to comment here about whether they even tried to give them solid characters when putting this game together, but I then laughed – of course they didn’t try.

Obligatory well done screen!

This is it. We’re at Hogwarts. I can’t wait to get exploring that castle. Hagrid tells the first years that they’ll be crossing the lake. And he mentions to be very careful of the monsters. Monsters? What is he-

I sure do remember…

…this entire ordeal…

…when crossing the lake…

…in the source material!

I have finally made it across the lake. That legitimately took about 10 minutes just because of the sheer volume of battles flying into me. Stupid tentacles and bugs and… clam things…? I don’t know. You could control the boat, but trying to steer around battles was an exercise in futility because the boat moved about 1/10th of the speed of the monsters.

In that last screen cap there’s a kid jumping for joy. I will tell you now that I was also jumping for joy when I got off that damn boat. Well, it’s done, I can put that behind me now.

Into the castle! Hogwarts, hooooooooo! It's time to get sorted and see the Gryffindor tower and-

Oh, smurf you, Hagrid.

04-27-2014, 07:52 PM
I was planning on writing MORE, but sadly I lost a bunch of the screencap stuff I saved, so I will have to play the game from the beginning again because I had one save file. I will also be changing this approach to my game this time to ensure that I don't have to piss around like this again. YAY THE LAKE AGAIN.

But as a teaser for my next update: Screw you, Hogwarts castle. I don't... I don't even know where I am anymore!?

04-27-2014, 08:01 PM
Nice unibrow, Hermione.

04-27-2014, 08:15 PM
Scabbers what the fuck!

04-27-2014, 08:20 PM
The best thing about Scabbers is how he is wearing a collar.

04-27-2014, 08:21 PM
It's baffling to me because someone clearly spent a long time on making these things but how did they not see how... unfortunate... they look?

04-27-2014, 08:25 PM
It is a GBC game, it possibly looked better not blown up. xD

04-27-2014, 08:40 PM

This guy? What? It's like he staring into your soul or something.

04-27-2014, 09:23 PM

04-27-2014, 09:26 PM
what is even happening

Madame Adequate
04-27-2014, 09:34 PM
It is fitting that this game is about magical young people learning magic, because this LP is magical in itself!

04-27-2014, 09:35 PM
My favorite thing about this is how many of these characters have smilies.























Madame Adequate
04-27-2014, 09:36 PM
Oh my god I saw a couple of them but you've uncovered a whole new realm of smilie similarities here

Miss Mae
04-28-2014, 02:39 AM
I feel like playing this on GBC would be significantly less entertaining. Those blown up character profiles are making this game for me.

04-28-2014, 02:40 AM
So that's where EoFF got the idea for the smileys.

04-28-2014, 11:09 AM

Jesus titty-smurfing Christ

I'm half expecting Scabbers to come bearing the white hand of Saruman.

04-28-2014, 11:20 PM
So Harry has been abandoned by Hagrid, once again. Stick together, he said, as he walked away leaving Harry to battle through the creepy dungeon by himself. I take this time to fully explore.

So many wizard cards hidden on owl statues

The dungeon isn’t too bad of a trek, especially as it pretty much marks the correct path to take.

Unfortunately, Hagrid isn’t happy

Following this, he walks off again. Maybe Harry wouldn’t fall behind if you would stop running off without him.

The battles in the dungeon are not difficult, but it sure it draining on my magic. I decide to actually use some items.

Lucky I can tell what each of the items do

I have not found a way to look further into items for a descriptor of their effects. I just have to use them and guess. It’s not really the best way to do items, imagine that.

A few more battles later, and I have learned the upgraded Flipendo spell.

Hell Yeah!

And moments later, I find the perfect target for seeing what my new and improved spell does.

Seriously man, I can’t

I wish I could think of more comments to make about Hagrid in this case. Sadly, before I can come up with a suitable comeback, he wanders off again.

Luckily, there is a boss for me to take my frustrations out on. Flipendo Duo is a freaking whirlwind! I don’t even know why.

Take that, Hagrid! You… smelly half giant drunk! Yeah, that’ll teach him.

This time there are no unexpected deaths, because I have become the greatest at this game, obviously. Moving on very slightly, and Hagrid continues to be an arse. He clearly cares enough to berate the boy, but not enough to actually look after him.

Why did you even bother waiting

Regardless of all this. We are finally in Hogwarts.


It feels like forever since I started this journey, but here I am. In Hogwarts. The school. Of witchcraft. And perhaps some wizardry in there too. Professor McGonagall is waiting in the Entrance Hall for the first years.

All four of them

For some reason Minerva McGonagall looks okay.


Harry gets his school career off to a good start, by asking dumb questions.

Hermione jumps in with the answers, of course

After the brief welcome, Prof McG leads the first years into the Great Hall. Harry is a rebel of course and tries to wander around. He is stopped at every exit though.

By talking doorknobs…

And P-Percy?!

Good lord.

Before moving on, I decide to take a look at the House Points.

For some reason all the houses have 50 before the year has even started. Okay.

I’m sure these will play a purpose at some point, but it’ll probably not even matter in the long run at all.

Heading into the Great Hall, Ron says something… unexpected.

Slytherins aren’t all bad? Heathenous commentary!

One thing I did not expect was this game to acknowledge this particular thing. I applaud you, Harry Potter for the Gameboy Color.

Dumbledore starts his speech, if you could call it that.

While staring deep into your soul. Nice ‘brows.

Then the Sorting Hat is brought out.

It also gets an image.

A part of the sorting hat’s start of year song is also quoted here. Despite all its general rubbishness, there are some really nice little touches and direct references to the book here and there. Being surprised when an adaptation uses its source material? What world do we live in.

Anyway the sorting. Who’s up first? Abbott, Hannah, I believe-

Nope, Hermione.


Wow, this is one tiny intake for the year

GRYFFINDOR! Time to find the house table. But first, a little bit of a wander round, chatting to everyone. There are only four teachers at the feast – Dumbledore and McGonagall, along with two others. Can you guess who the other two are? No, Hagrid doesn’t count, but he is there, being a condescending ass as usual.

It’s Professor Snape!

And Quirrell too!

Again, surprisingly, their portraits aren’t too bad. I feel like I might be getting desensitised to their horrible quality. Quick, I better find someone to talk to! The house ghosts! They’ll be terrible, I know it!

Ahhhhhhh, that’s better

Bloody Baron, Fat Friar, Grey Lady and Nearly Headless Nick. Restoring my lack of faith. God bless.

I happen upon the Slytherin table, where I get greeted with a few comments from the good people of Slytherin.

Yeah, some nice house loyalty there

B-But Draco… I thought we were buddies! Didn’t the wizard cards mean anything to you!?

Over at the Ravenclaw table, the oddest thing is said.

O-Okay then.

The kids of Hogwarts are so weird.

I sit down at the Gryffindor table, and Hermione starts telling me things she would have no knowledge of at all.

I don’t think this information can be found in Hogwarts: A History

I get it game - you need the character to explain things, but… it just doesn’t work for it to be Hermione in this case, at all. I suppose it’s better than it being Hagrid, who was the main source of this sort of knowledge in the books. He’d probably hide at the other side of a room filled with monsters and berate me for not knowing the information fast enough.

What a smug face is going on here

After a delicious meal, Dumbledore sends all the students to bed. I decide to go talk to the doorknob again, and for some reason all the doors are open now.

The broom closet, eh? I’m sure I’ll be back here later. *wink*

The rooms are however, filled with monsters, so I steer very clear of all of them.

I head up the stairs and come face to face with this.



I don’t know.

He is uh. Certainly a thing.

I want you to take a good look at everything to do with him.

Particularly the sprite.

What is even going on.

I’ll post it again just in case you missed it.


Percy whines and then Peeves flies off (thank god). Percy takes a leaf out of the Hagrid book of being a dick and leaves Harry all alone.

I have no idea where I am, or where I’m supposed to go. I ask my fellow students for help – surely some of them must know where the Gryffindor Tower is.

Thanks guys, you’re super useful.

Ugh. Okay, okay. Maybe Professor Flitwick or Professor McGonagall know! I mean, surely the head of Gryffindor knows where-

Jesus Christ what use are any of you.

So, I spend about half an hour wandering the halls of Hogwarts trying to find my way around. In this time, I take in the masterpieces of Hogwarts decoration. I made a collage for you. Please enjoy.

Such arts.

I don't even know what this is

The occasional student I happen upon does not give me cryptic clues about the location of the common room, but instead some insight.

Muggle classes. Riiiiiiiiiiight.

Dumbledore literally mentioned nothing about this. Maybe I missed it when I was battling suits of armour in the dungeon.

Argh. I am getting frustrated. I have still not found the goddamned tower.

One of these gave me sickles in the other room…


And I am back on the first floor again. I can barely remember how I got to where I was from here.
I will admit I took a minute here to regain my calm, before carrying on.

Many missteps later (I found another chute back to the first floor WHAT LUCK), I find the stupid looking Fat Lady.


One new controller later, I press on again, determined to at least get into this damned tower. Maybe my classmates will be able to help this time.

Sincerest thanks for your concise information regarding the whereabouts of the password

Nick doesn’t take too long to find. He tells me he has the password! Hooray! The next textbox opens with “But”. God dammit.

Oh myyyyyyyyy~

He wants me to find him a tie. So he can keep his head steady. That makes perfect sense. There’s one in the Entrance Hall, supposedly. I know a shortcut!


I make it back down to the Entrance Hall, where there is no tie in sight. I look high and low, and there’s nothing. I decide to head back to Nick to see if he has any further information.

He tells me to look harder.

So I go all the way back downstairs. Again. I click on absolutely everything, my rage rising once again.

This thing had it.

There was no indication anywhere on the gargoyle that he was holding it. I was just expected to know. I head back to Nick, using a secret passage some kids mentioned…

You head into the Griffin butt…

…and here are some secret stairs!

I hand the stupid thing over to Nick.

I wish I could hate you for what you just put me through… but old melon? Hah!

Back to the Fat Lady who lets me in. THANK THE LORD.

Percy is waiting at the entrance to welcome me to Gryffindor Tower.

I would have got her faster if you would have helped me.

And of course…

Those little shapes are wizard cards that bounce all over the place, it made it very difficult to get a screenshot

There is nothing going on in the Common Room, so I decide to head up to the dorm. I pick the wrong one, and Hermione makes no effort to be nice.

Bitch, I just got here. You don’t even know what I just went through.

I head over to the Boys Dorm, where Ron makes the best suggestion.

Definitely, bro.

After a long stressful day, I think we could do with a good night’s sleep.

So, though all that, I only found one other crazy face to show you. Here she is.

Her hair is eating her face.

04-28-2014, 11:27 PM
One day, when I can be bothered, I will find a good size for the window and be able to accurately blow up the window the same size every time. Until then, you get to deal with whatever size I feel like.

04-29-2014, 01:01 AM
You made Hagrid fret you selfish BITCH.

Also, I know Harry is probably supposed to be smiling with an open mouth, but all I can see is a dope single-line mouth.

At first I thought those were computers in the broom closet and I was like "ELECTRONICS DON'T WORK IN HOGWARTS...oh wait, I think they're dustpans."

Miss Mae
04-29-2014, 04:21 AM
I've realised that the character profiles look remarkably better if you stand away from the screen. With those house ghosts, suddenly they went from strange blue blobs to actual faces with eyes and stuff.

Madame Adequate
04-29-2014, 04:42 AM
Everyone in Hogwarts is either an imbecile or an asshole. It's glorious!

04-29-2014, 10:27 AM
This is fast becoming my favourite thread of all time.


OK, so I've tried looking at this from close up, far away, upside down, with glasses, without glasses, without underwear and I still have no idea what it is.



...poor Fred

04-29-2014, 10:29 AM
It's Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington, duh.

But everyone is an ass, yes. It is frustrating because I love Hagrid and he is being so mean to me and I don't know how to deal with this betrayal.

04-29-2014, 10:31 AM


Oh my god he even LOOKS like Nigel Thornberry.


04-29-2014, 10:32 AM
The password is "Mmmm, poppet"

04-29-2014, 10:53 AM
It's Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington, duh.

I'm sorry, I refuse to accept this.

04-29-2014, 05:27 PM
Peeves is channeling the Joker.

05-05-2014, 11:32 PM
Whoops I was going to get this updated today on my day off work, but I guess I got distracted by other things. I'll get it up tomorrow, I have it all pretty much ready, just need to insert some pictures. :3

05-06-2014, 10:29 PM
Some time passes…

Harry wakes up in the morning, feeling like P Diddy.

That feeling is quickly gone (I assume that feeling like P Diddy is a positive experience), as we discover that he has potions class first.

Why do you have to ruin my life, Ron?

Ugh, Snape is the worst. Best get a move on.

Once again my peers are worthless at helping me find where I am supposed to go. Luckily, I bump into the friendly and helpful caretaker, the one and only Argus Filch!

What a kind and helpful man.

Of course this game makes the most unlikeable dick the only person who actually helps. Of course.

Into the dungeons! Excellent artwork is kept down here, I admire as it passes by.

Is that… Harry? Weird.

In the classroom, I have a quick chat to Hermione, who has bizarre priorities.

Wow. I don’t care, Hermione. God.

Snape tells us to quiet down and get to work, however it pans over to Neville being incompetent…


What will we do to save him? Make some fun potions? Do some lame/awesome mixing minigame?!


Time to be sent on a fetch quest, I guess! *fanfare*

I better not take too long then, don’t want to be losing house points. I already lost one for being late… :(

We are still winning somehow.

Anyway. Time to search the castle high and low for these items.

Luckily the first one doesn’t take too long. It was found on a big picture of a snake in Snape’s office. Because of course he has a big picture of a snake on his wall.

I am sure the rest of them will be this easy to find.

Harry’s insight certainly is something.

Can anyone confirm or deny this? I don’t actually know.

Well, Snape says that Hagrid might know where I can find the other things. Better go out and find him. To the outside world!

Welcome to Hogwarts! …Grounds!

All the grounds like this. It is bland and uninteresting and all the grass looks the same. Oh well. I wander over the fields and come up to Hagrid’s hut.

What a lazy arse. Does he not understand that Neville needs medical attention!? Which is why he’s not been taken to the Hospital wing?!

Best be looking for those beetle eyes.

Beetle “eyes”

Right. That’s what they call them. I find one more… pair in some other bushes.

Hagrid also mentioned that I can find some snakes outside the greenhouses. I head on up to them, and spot Professor Sprout standing outside.

Heterochromia. Interesting. Also crosseyes.

Seems that I have to battle my way through some snakes to get their fangs. In this situation, I discover that great status ailment poison.


Freaking 20HP. That’s… more than 10% of my total HP! And with every subsequent poison attack the HP I lose increases by 10. I actually died here because I was losing 40HP a turn. Absolute nonsense.

Take that, snakes.

That’s me gotten everything required. I head back to Snape and he is Snape-like in his thanking me for getting the materials together. He deducts more house points, in fact. What a dick.

Is he tightrope walking? So bizarre.

Right, so that’s potions class. I am given a class list, and next up is Transfiguration. Now, I may have alluded to this in my previous update, but I genuinely have no idea where I am going within Hogwarts. There’s little indication from anyone except maybe one person on each floor as to where each class is. There’s not actually any set order to how you complete your class list, so there’s no way for me to ask around either. I spend too long looking for this classroom, and all the rest of them too.

Anyway. To Prof McG. I enter the room and there has been a disaster!

Stop the presses! Not a rabbit?!

Only Harry can solve this problem! He is sent away to find the rabbit. I don’t know what is going on any longer.

So, I am being left to once again wander round the castle aimlessly. Okay. I bump into Dumbledore just outside – he comments on whether he’d seen the rabbit or not.

Thanks for that, sir.

I also bump into Percy who makes an excellent comment on my state of schooling.

To be completely honest, I have to agree with Percy here.

He also mentions it ran past outside. Oh god. The grounds. It could be anywhere. I’ll be out here for hours. OH GOD!

Two steps outside the castle. I was deeply concerned for a moment there.

Nope, I find it almost immediately.

What a cutie.

Back up to McGonagall, who thanks Harry for being such a great guy.





Yes, quite, the threat of a purple rabbit. Such terrible things happening in Hogwarts. Whatever next.

Right, time to have another look at the class list.

Not too bad. I am especially excited for Broom Flight Class.

“Defence Against Dark Art”. Sounds pretty deep.

Regardless it is time for Herbology. I head over to the greenhouses and sit down next to Ron, who immediately begins complaining about Hermione.

What a bitch. Knowing things.

Professor Sprout explains about herbs. There are lots of them. They are used in potion brewing. Sounds like it could be a useful thing. I am looking forward to learning about them! Wouldn’t you say so, Hermione?

You tell ‘er, Ron.

They’re really pushing for Hermione to be awful.

So, in this part. I need to wander round the grounds and find 6 herbs. Before I get started, I bump into Dumbledore again. I don’t know why he’s stalking Harry so bad, but he always has something useful to say.

Thanks again sir. Er, do you not have… headmastery type duties to be doing…?

Taking his advice I spend the better part of half an hour looking for the items.





Wait, when did I get aconite?

Uh… Six!

Good god that was miserable. You will note how none of the above places I found the herbs had any real indication that they were hiding anything. That does not make it easy to find them.

Before I head back to Professor Sprout, I pop in to see Hagrid. He comments on dittany…

Right. Okay. Crazy Hagrid, always talking about dragons…

Ignoring that slip of the tongue, back to the greenhouses. Professor Sprout comments on how great Harry is for finishing his collections first.

Haha, screw you, Hermione!

She also sends me back to see Snape for the prize for finishing the collections first – some potion recipes!

Such angry behaviour. I wonder why he hates Harry so much…

I can now make Antidotes and Wiggenweld Potions. The antidotes would have been more useful earlier. Well, they would have been if I could actually make any – the recipes for these are damn awful for needing hundreds of items I don’t have.

Laurels, eh? I get the feeling these are trying to be humorous…

Onto Charms class! Once again, Ron and Hermione have a run in.


I will admit. I legitimately laughed at this. I chalk it up to insanity.

To learn Wingardium Leviosaaaaaaaa, I need to do a simple simon-says sort of game. I do it with no issues, of course. Professor Flitwick commends my efforts.

And so does Hermione!

She’s damn right she couldn’t have done as well as me. And so I learn the levitation spell – I’m sure there will be plenty of use for this in the future.


I take back that previous comment, this one isn’t trying to be funny.

I decide to head to DEFENSE AGAINST DARK ART next, surely this will be a super fun class.


Loljk Peeves curses Harry outside the classroom and he is slowly losing SP with every step. Professor Quirrell is helpful in this dreadfully serious situation.

He is… shifty looking.

He sends Harry on a quest to uncurse himself. Seriously? This kid has been to three classes. Telling him to uncurse himself?! What is Quirrell thinking?!

Once again, I am thrown out into the corridor with no idea of where to even begin. Luckily Dumbledore is floating around again.

Seriously, sir, do you not have work you need to do, or…?

To the library!

*an hour later*


Eventually I come across it. It was directly opposite the DADA class. Of course.

Madam Pince knows what book has the counter-curse in it!

And you just let it go missing? What a useless magical librarian.

So, who has it?!

Hmm, imagine a reward not working for the library. Not everyone is Hermione or Percy, Madam Pince

…So what now? What am I supposed to do?!

I leave the library in a rage and Peeves comes along and gives me more hints!

The Joker, Psy? No. Peeves is The Riddler.

Hermione! Right?! She’s a Muggle born! She loves books! She has to have it! I race back to the DADA class and… Hermione does not have it. Actually what am I supposed to do. I spend so long wandering around the castle that I run out of SP twice. Luckily for me, Madam Pomfrey is in the infirmary.

…wait a second! Maybe she can help!

Thanks person who is supposed to deal with inflictions on students.


In this time wandering around, I find the elusive Wizard Card club. It’s… not very exciting. Fred and George spend their days in here, selling stuff.

Expensive stuff.

I also get a bunch of cards from the loser who gave me the starter packs in Diagon Alley.

What a TCG nerd, trying to be helpful lol.

There’s also a fun Pairs game that I can play!


I quite enjoyed matching up Gregory the Smarmy with… uh… someone else.

…For no prize.

This place actually has a feature that allows you to trade via GBC link cables! So you can trade wizard cards with your friends. If only I had a GBC link cable. Or friends. Whatever, I still think it is a fairly cool addition.

After wasting more time, I actually could not take it any longer. I was completely lost. I kept being sent back to the infirmary. I had to look up the answer. I went to GameFAQs (there is more than one FAQ for this game). I found out what I was supposed to do.

The muggle studies class.


I find my way there with the help of the guide. Peeves laughs at me some more and tells me to check out the television.

No time for laughter. Too busy crying.

Woah what.

Yes, the television was a portal to another world-class. And as you can see, there’s a boss crawling around in here. A few Flipendos clear him out, and I get my prize for finding the counter-curse that the boss was apparently holding.

What do you even need with the counter-curse for the curse of the bogies?!

Thank the lord.

Creative spell name. Well done.

This spell can never be used again, I don’t think. It’s not something I can use in battles anyway.

So I traipse back to the DADA class. Dumbledore, or should I say, Stalkerdore… Dumblestalk… Oh, I don’t know I am too exhausted from this ordeal.

Look, just go away, okay?

No, I am feeling worse thank you.

Quirrell makes it all worth it though!

House points!

Look at Gryffidor go! The House Cup is mine!

Just in case anyone (nobody) cares: The book was returned to the library, safe and sound.

Damn right I have thwarted Peeves, and the castle and every stupid classroom. I have come out victorious from this terrible plight.

Only two more classes left to go. But that’s for another day. I think I need a drink.

05-06-2014, 11:24 PM
Right, well I'm gonna come out and say it... Professor Sprout is a lot hotter in this game than she is in the films. I even think her goggly eyes are just cute.

I think it is safe to assume that whenever Harry does ANYTHING then there will be a new card combination in the Wizard Card Collector's Club.

05-06-2014, 11:35 PM
I dunno man, there might be a time in which there won't be a new card combination. I will screencap the hell out of that time.

05-06-2014, 11:41 PM
In the first shot of the grounds, the dark spot in front of Harry makes it look as if he's floating.

05-06-2014, 11:42 PM
Surely you don't expect people at Hogwarts to know where classes are and whatnot. Surely.[/Sarcasm]

Those hourglasses are all wrong.

05-06-2014, 11:59 PM
Wait, is that Lucy and Desi in the Muggle Studies?

05-07-2014, 12:24 AM
Dumblestalk is the highlight here I think. I genuinely laughed when I saw that.

Miss Mae
05-07-2014, 02:55 AM
A boomslang is indeed a snake.


Maybe it would help you deal with Peeves' trout if you place stupid emphasis on his words. I read his sentence as "Maybe some muggles and studying it" and it helped a lot in realising that he was being an arse and speaking in riddles.

05-07-2014, 10:12 AM
~The more you know~

I think I might have picked up on the riddles (not that it would have helped me know where the Muggle Studies class is regardless) if I hadn't been super frustrated at not being able to find anything, with my health slowly dwindling down. Wandering around looking for other classes isn't nearly as frustrating when I am not being sent to the hospital wing every 2 minutes. :stare:

Miss Mae
05-07-2014, 12:30 PM
Yes I can't say I remember the part of the books where Harry wanders around aimlessly looking for classrooms in no particular order with nobody offering him any guidance whatsoever and everybody being perfectly okay with him becoming poisoned and/or cursed and slowly dying.

05-07-2014, 12:47 PM
Yes I can't say I remember the part of the books where Harry wanders around aimlessly looking for classrooms in no particular order with nobody offering him any guidance whatsoever and everybody being perfectly okay with him becoming poisoned and/or cursed and slowly dying.

Like, Albus Dumbledore is RIGHT THERE. He's supposed to be the greatest wizard of ALL TIME. Are you really telling me he can't just remove this honking curse for me?

Miss Mae
05-07-2014, 12:56 PM
Nah, Harry's gotta grow as a wizard. How will he ever learn if he doesn't get lost wandering around the castle before he's even attended his first week of classes looking for a cure for his own curses?

05-07-2014, 01:28 PM
Madam Pomfrey can regrow bones, but to cure a sniffle? Cannot be done.

I am just waiting for old Voldie to be a complete joke.

Miss Mae
05-07-2014, 01:33 PM
I'm so excited for his character picture.

05-07-2014, 03:39 PM
I am just waiting for old Voldie to be a complete joke.

He is a complete joke. All the characters are. Did you read the books?

Sorry, letting my Harry Potter dislike shine through a little too much. I avoided this LP for quite some time specifically because of how much I detest the source material, but I'm thoroughly enjoying the LP so far. Lots of fun commentary, ridiculous game design, and fabulous portraits.

05-09-2014, 07:47 PM
One terrible hangover later, and I think I’m ready to give this another go.

Only two classes left: Broom Flight Class and History of Magic. History of Magic is boring, so I’ll do that last. Might as well get the fun part out of the way first.

I assume that the Broom Flight Class is in the Quidditch Stadium, which I came across while hunting for herbs.

Lolnope! Once again it’s in a completely arbitrary location – this time being a circle of “path”. Sure thing. I actually stumbled across this completely by accident when heading to the stadium.

Four Gryffindors and one Slytherin? Quite the class.

Harry manages to pick up his broom pretty fast, because he is a pro. Malfoy follows soon after. Neville has a go, and well…

Who else but Neville?!

He comes back down to the ground with quite a bounce. Madam Hooch warns everyone to not go flying by themselves! That would be silly, none of them know how to fly anyway! Malfoy, of course, takes this as an opportunity to take Neville’s Rememberall and fly off.

You’ll regret challenging me, Malfoy! Just you wait until I work out how to fly this broom!

It’s time to take flight, and be the brave hero Neville needs.

Hitting the green bushes slows me down. Lucky I can manoeuvre between them easily!

Alternatively, I could partake in a lame, spaceship-laser-fun-less version of Defender. How disappointing. And slow. Really slow. Although, not as slow as Malfoy, since I catch up to him fairly quickly.

Landing back on solid ground, Madam Hooch is furious.

What exactly? Stop a thief, fly on a broom…?

Uh oh. Before I go back over to her, Neville gives Harry his Rememberall. That gift from his Grandmother. Just gave it away. How inconsiderate.

These are definitely terrible word play. Not a doubt in my mind any longer.

Time to bite the bullet and speak to Madam Hooch about the breaking of that one rule she had.

Please be kind!


R-Reward? What? Why?

Now, I realise that Harry is rewarded in the source material for breaking the rules at this juncture (and all others for the rest of his school career, but I digress), but McGonagall had ulterior motives! Madam Hooch has absolutely no reason, not in the source material and certainly not here, to be congratulating Harry for breaking the rules.

I don’t know why there are flying statues. ~Hogwarts~

So here we are, chasing owls and getting House Points for being bad.

Come on now. That is bad.

History of Magic time.

~Many moons later~

I find that Professor Binns is asleep. Thank goodness! If he had been awake, he’d have been terribly annoyed that it took me so long to get here from Broom Flight Class! Especially with that unneeded owl chasing.

Binns wakes up and starts babbling to Harry about his father and Wizard Cards. Apparently James Potter was also an avid collector. There’s a factoid for you! Binns wants the Circe card for some reason, and lo and behold, Harry knows of a shady guy in Diagon Alley who has it.

Go on, leave the school without permission from your legal guardians!

What? No, game. I demand answers. How is it already half term? I have been to six classes! Six! Certainly, they took what feels like a lifetime to get round to each of them and complete their nonsense tasks – but it has definitely not been four months. No. I refuse.


Hagrid is waiting outside the classroom, for some reason. These people just follow Harry around like vultures. It seems that he has an important task to do.

Not horklumps?! (I forget what horklumps are, but obviously this can be nothing but bad!)

Oh well, that’s okay. I guess we can do this later…

Wow Hagrid. Just… wow.

Or you can be completely terrible and show an eleven year old boy how to not deal with responsibilities. Those horklumps will have destroyed the castle by the time you get back! “Oh, I ‘ad to take Harry ‘ere to Diagon Alley, Professor Dumbledore!” I don’t think that’ll fly as a good excuse for some reason. Although, to be fair, Dumbledore will probably be coming with us as the number two member of the Harry fan club.

Right. In Diagon Alley, I find the shady dealer fairly quickly. He is happy to know of his reputation.

Ah, just the untrustworthy character I was looking for!

He tells me that I need to go into Gringotts and get the card from his vault. Reusing old dungeons already, eh? Well, it is to be expected. Luckily, I’m not wandering around too long as his vault is the first one I happen across! Hooray!

Aaaaand there’s a boss fight inside.

This guy are tough.

Rats again! I am glad they are getting inventive with their enemies. These ones are a slightly different shade of yellow than the previous! (Note: I don’t remember what colour the first boss rat was, do not correct me.)
I take him down with relative ease (read: I didn’t get my ass handed to me) and receive my reward.

Circe better be the best damned Wizard Card ever

Back to the shady cloaked man to return his vault key, and back to Hogwarts with me. Thank goodness. I hope to never see the inside of Gringotts again.

But wait…!

Dun dun dunnnnnnnnn

What creepy foreshadowing is this! I am excited to find out.

Professor Binns thanks me for all the hard work I put into finding the card and tells me I can keep it! How nice, letting Harry have a memento of his father.

I… don’t get it.

Yet more time passes. Something like 6 months, probably.

It is time for dinner. One dinner per term is pretty steep. Don’t know if I could handle that.

Malfoy struts over, apparently still sore over that Broom Flying lesson. As he should be, he got told. Or shown. Whatever, he was just pretty terrible all round.

No fisticuffs!

A wizard duel, eh? I can take him down. I’ve battled rats and suits of armour! Nothing frightens me! Not even Hermione Granger’s nagging!

Just have these… manly urges! You don’t get it, Hermione.

Yeah, yeah. Get over it, girl. I’ve got some ego to stroke.

That night, Ron and Harry plan to sneak out. When suddenly!


Trying to shake her off, we escape the common room. That’s not enough though, as she follows us out the portrait hole.

Seriously. You’re like a bad penny.

After some more nagging, she turns her nose up at the boys’ thoughtless antics. Thank god, amirite. Go back to bed, woman.

Unfortunately this happens.

I’ll bet she goes wandering. ~wink~

Then Neville shows up.

Yeah, somewhere. Better keep this vague despite being very vocal about it earlier.

It’s okay though, he’ll just stay here and-

Dammit guys, I don’t have time for your crap.

Ugh. How are you supposed to have a polite wizards duel with all these nincompoops around? Malfoy won’t wait forever. Actually, hold on a second, where did Malfoy say he’d meet me?


05-10-2014, 12:18 AM
Is it wrong that I totally want to play this game?

Neville's eyes are freaky as smurf. It's like he's swapped them with Filch's cat.

05-10-2014, 12:35 AM
It just means I'm doing my Let's Play right!

Speaking of Mrs Norris... she may or may not be making an appearance next update!


Miss Mae
05-10-2014, 04:43 AM
It's because Binns was sleeping when you arrived. "are awakened to"... "in the wake of"... get it? Oh man, these jokes are dreadful and vague. Somebody was trying really hard.

05-10-2014, 11:33 AM
That is a terrible stretch.

Miss Mae
05-10-2014, 12:09 PM
Oh I know. I'm sure they do too.

05-10-2014, 01:10 PM
YOU! :argh:

I swear I've seen footage of that broomstick defender chase many years ago but can't remember where.

05-14-2014, 06:45 PM
Using my amazing skills, I find out that I’m supposed to go to the Trophy Room to meet Draco. My amazing skills are also known as using the source material – for once they use it!

The trophy room is a few floors down, I found it during my earlier hunts. I’ve unfortunately got to make it past the teachers who are patrolling the floors, making sure students aren’t out of bed.

Hi Hagrid, what’s going on

Hey Professor Sprout! Nice to see you away from the greenhouses!

Narrowly avoided detection by Madam Pince

Their stationary patrols are effective. I mean, they look right at four students wandering around and are like “Nah, nothing going on here”. Useless at their jobs, as expected. I didn’t try and get too close to them, because I could not be bothered getting warped back to the dorm and doing it all over again.

This is a good point to note that I had decided to do some grinding here for money and level ups. I found that it was actually more beneficial to me to not try and save myself in battles. There is no downside to being KO’d in battle. I am taken to the Hospital Wing with full SP and MP, and I lose no EXP or Sickles. So I went up two or three levels on battles just outside of the Hospital Wing by dying if I had to. It is more efficient than trying to use items in/after battles, which are expensive. I’d rather use my money on getting better equipment, which I’ve posted before – it is expensive to keep well equipped. Don’t need to be throwing my money away on items. So yeah, just a tangent here to show how broken this game’s systems are.

Whew, after all that hard work hiding from the teachers, our team make it to the room.

Yes, this seems fine. They said they’d be here!

Just after we arrive, Filch shows up. Seems Malfoy tipped him off! What a dick. And I thought we were going to have a gentleman’s duel! Filch sets Mrs Norris on us.


My nightmares. All of them. Forever.

Running away, like any normal person should in the face of… that, we stumble upon Snape and Quirrell having a nice conversation.

What hocus pocus is shielding me from their vision?

Quirrell is of course terrified. Snape can be a pretty intimidating guy. He stutters some vague sounding objections before Snape decides he’s had enough of his non-responses.

Seems pretty serious. This philosopher’s stone isn’t that big a deal…

Snape stalks away.

I find myself questioning this. How though.

Neville makes a fair point here. They were standing an arm’s length away from them, how blind are these teachers? Maybe teaching at Hogwarts adversely affects your eyesight. That’s another job off the table, my eyesight is bad enough as it is!

Time to get our detective on though!

Well Hermione, I thought you knew everything.

Harry remembers that Filch is in fact chasing after them and that standing still probably isn’t the best way to escape. The lot of them run into a nearby cupboard. Neville starts stuttering about something.

Nobody is allowed to stutter. Ever.

Giant. Three. Headed. Dog.

Boy was Harry authoritative as a kid. First YOU! And now OUT!? What next!?

The four of them leave the room with the big dog, throwing caution to the wind. Fortunately Filch isn’t there, for some reason! He obviously gave up and went back to his cave. What a good time to stand and have a chat.

Such astute observations. Order of Merlin 1st Class for all!

Hermione has had enough, and demands that they head back to the dorm. Best idea I’ve heard all night, really.

Hopefully she’s not decided to try on her Blue Dress or else they’re pretty screwed…

Past all the observant teachers, we make it back to the dorm in once piece. Hermione has one last nag before heading to bed.

What silly boys.

Neville follows close behind.

Oh Neville, it’s okay to admit you’re scared. I mean, I’m still recovering from Mrs Norris.

Thank goodness those nerds have went to bed, all of this could have been avoided if they hadn’t tagged along! This probably isn’t true, but gotta blame someone here.

Ron and Harry discuss the possibility of speaking to Professor McGonagall about this.

No rule breaking allowed!

Yes, I’m sure that is the worst of their worries at this point in time. They might get in trouble! That has literally not stopped them from doing dumb stuff up to this point. There’s an obvious solution to all this!

Yes, gathering more proof was exactly what I was going for here.

Fine guys, do whatever you want.

Is… forbidding a word? It doesn’t sit well with me.

No. I refuse to accept this.

Wait, game. 7 of what? Spoilers for the next part, we’re moving on to the Hallowe’en Feast. What part of this is anywhere near 7!? What does this even mean?! Dammit! I am so mad about nothing!

After waking up on… 7… Harry decides the best way to start his day is to bitch about Hermione.

Morning! Boy I do hate things don’t you? Time for some bacon!

Ron is always up for this.

Yeah, what a bitch. Pass the jam!

Hermione was nearby though.

How could this happen to me?

How could they indeed. It’s not like you were friends or anything, and that this is some grand betrayal.

Seconds after this, McGonagall tells Harry and Ron to get into the Great Hall because it is time for the feast! She enquires to Harry about Hermione Granger, as she isn’t floating around, and obviously Harry is her best friend who’d know exactly where she is.

Thank goodness for your powers of attention.

Great input from our hero. Harry wanders around looking for Hermione. He bumps into a girl who knows where she went.

How very dare you.

Maybe you shouldn’t have been such a massive knob Harry. Talking crap about someone tends to hurt their feelings. Harry gets over this pretty quickly and heads back over to the Great Hall.

Time for food!

Haha, just kidding, got some plot to do.

Time for Quirrell to stagger over and announce the plot moving on! He passes out. Harry shows some rare legitimate insight following this.

Yes, wouldn’t want her to get any physical pain to go along with that emotional scarring.

Better go find that girl you were cruel to for no reason.


The teachers just leave Quirrell lying there. They all go to save the children, but leave a vulnerable person right in the middle of the Entrance Hall. I guess it could be because of their blindness – they simply did not see him there.

Up on the first floor, Snape is acting shifty. As always.

Thank goodness he didn’t see us there right outside the room he came out of.

As we get closer to the girls’ toilet, Ron comments on the ever increasing stench. Girls don’t smell that bad, man.

Slytherins apparently do though! BURN.

Turns out it’s not the girls, it’s…

Good day. Off to the loo, I think!

The troll! Right, Ron! It’s time to go kick some butt!

Just Harry, then.

Or I will just do it myself, why not.

I mean, Hermione clearly could have helped here… Anyone? Hello?

It’s time to duel!

By the power of broccoli, I will destroy you!

He’s not such a big deal, and I take him out. I am becoming pretty wonderful at kicking all the butts in this game.

Ron comes over and acts like nothing much has gone on, and that it’s just some regular Day 7.

You’ve been in here literally the entire time I have, Ron.

What a jerk.

McGonagall comes in right in the nick of time.

Hermione: Hogwarts’ Greatest Liar

Hermione is such a stand up gal. Taking the fall for those jerks. They did save her life, but they were still jerks. Sadly, McGonagall is not happy about this.


Dammit, losing points is bad. On the other hand…


Wow Hufflepuff suck.

Gryffindor is still winning! How is this happening!?


Despite being told to go back to their dorms, they all hang outside the girls’ toilet. Hermione apologises.

Yeah, you shouldn’t have… known the answers to questions and got your work done and stuff.

Wait. What for? Hermione was never that bad to warrant an apology for her behaviour? Was she? Maybe I just identified with her as the bookworm, but… She was just working hard! It’s not her fault people are dicks.

Mm, quite.

I feel like I have read this somewhere before, in the hands of a better writer. It definitely reads better as narrative than as spoken dialogue. What a bad choice here.

This is how people make friends in the real world alright.

Nobody speaks like this.

Again, instead of going to their dorm as they were told, they head to see Hagrid, because they now have the smart person in the group to give them actual good advice.

Brilliant plan. He is the gamekeeper!

Mm, quite. As if Hagrid knows anything.

Snape is still wandering around.

Whatever could you be referring to, sir?!

Good idea, walking around, talking to yourself about things that should probably be kept to yourself. What an idiot. Harry one-ups this idiot-man-ship.


Good idea, talking to a teacher who hates you about something that you should probably be keeping your thoughts on to yourself. What an idiot.

Yes, we are spying. Because you are mega suspicious!

Our idiots head on down to see Hagrid.

Hi Hagrid, how about some tea and some rock-

Harry wastes no time in spilling every single detail of the situation.

Nope, no time for niceties, just getting right to it.

Hagrid joins the ranks of the idiots, by also spilling every single detail he has on the situation.

I’m also a half-giant and I have a dragon hidden away in here, anything else I can tell you today?

A bunch of idiots. Well, at least we got one piece of useful knowledge!

Flamel, eh? Is that not a small towel to wash your face?

Time flies when you’re having fun!

Suddenly it is Day 25. Now, this makes more sense as it is Christmas! Yay!

Christmas packages? I suppose Harry never got presents from the Dursleys, maybe that’s why he’s calling them a dumb name.

Time for joy and all that good stuff!

Dammit Peeves, this is why everyone hates you.

If I can find them. Do… Do I smell pointless filler? Because I think I smell pointless filler.

Smurfin’ Peeves, it’s time to get serious.

Yeah, you go Harry! And Ron can help too! He was useless against the troll, but maybe with him helping, we can cut down the amount of time being spent wandering around this castle!

Oh. You enjoy your Christmas gifts then… I’ll be back… later, I guess.

What a jerk.

05-14-2014, 11:08 PM


What in God's creation is that???

Not in my worst pet cemetery nightmares have I seen such an abomination.

05-14-2014, 11:13 PM
It would explain why nobody liked Mrs Norris. Nobody could hate a cat! Unless it looked like the spawn of hell.

05-15-2014, 07:32 AM
The Peeves That Stole Christmas.

Also McGonagall is kinda hot.

05-16-2014, 12:19 AM
Hermoine is treated like absolute dirt in this game. I'm surprised she didn't leave Hogwarts out of bullying concerns.

05-17-2014, 10:41 AM
fucking Peeves man

aptly named

05-17-2014, 10:48 AM
I like your commentary!

I've never been big in to Harry Potter, but this seems pretty fun.

My son has a crush on Hermoine

05-17-2014, 02:29 PM
My son has a crush on Hermoine

Who doesn't?

05-19-2014, 08:34 PM
Smurfing Peeves. Time to get those goddamn Christmas presents back.

I immediately storm out of the boys’ dorm, where I am stopped by a mysterious note.

I have just sort of noticed how his mouth looks like a boomerang. I cannot unsee it.

Riddles riddles riddles… At least this one is less awful to decipher.

The only thing to read in this common room is a newspaper…

Handsome? He’s a bit full of it.

6? The 6th Floor of Hogwarts, I guess? Might as well give it a go. If only I knew what floor I was on currently (spoiler, I’m on 7).

I head down a few floors and bump into Nearly Headless Nick. The NPCs are becoming more useful, it seems! Actually giving me straight answers.

What a gent.

Guess I came down too far. This leaves one floor to investigate.

And so I search high…

…and low.

I stumble into a room filled with boxes. A storeroom, eh? Looks promising.

Unfortunately Harry is not able to rob Hogwarts blind today.

Not in that chest? Perhaps these other chests?!


That took significantly less time than I expected. I thought I’d be all over the castle, looking inside bushes and under cauldrons. Ah well. Best be heading back up to the common room to celebrate Christmas!

Hold on, someone’s come into the room…


What? No! I didn’t do anything wrong?! Filch drags Harry down to McGonagall’s office. I don’t want to see her disappointed face.

Thanks a lot for listening to my side of the story. Bitch.

One point isn’t so bad. Merry Christmas to you, Professor! Filch isn’t happy about Harry getting off easy.

I’ll try! No more rule breaking from Harry Potter, no sir.

But Harry swiftly moves on from that episode. It’s present time!

I also lost house points and got into trouble, but that’s by the by.

First up… Hagrid’s present.

Whittlin’ Man

I never really understood why Hagrid made a flute for him, other than for future plot reasons. It never comes back again in the future, either.
Ron’s turn!

I don’t think maroon is that bad.

He does like to complain.

Back to Harry…

I admire the likeness to a 50p here.

50p! Straight to the van for a few 10p mix ups for sure. Harry opens another gift, as it seems that Ron has run out. It turns out to be chocolates from Hermione, specifically Chocolate Frogs. With a certain someone’s Wizard Card…

Who needs Hermione, you guys can work this one our yourselves!

What a tweest! It turns out that Dumbledore has done nothing in his life other than be friends with Nicholas Flamel. We’re finally getting somewhere with this mystery. If only our brave heroes cared as much…

Okay, I’ll let you off this time, it is Christmas after all.

Ron shows his true powers, the powers of seeing into the future. He says this before Harry has said anything about his final gift…

It is a shame you do not utilise this Inner Eye more frequently.

It is revealed to be…

Oooh. Time to sneak into the girls’ dorm! What a lol that will be!

His father’s cloak! Put it on and give us a twirl, Harry!

Dotted-line Harry

Very nice.

Perhaps we should get you to the hospital wing…

For some reason Harry becomes deeply ill after wearing the cloak. Maybe we should limit the usage of this particular brand of magic.


Yet more time passes…

Later on that night, Harry decides he should have a wander round the castle.

Yes, let us do that thing.

No goal is given, no reason for him to do this. I am once again left to my own devices to figure out where to go.

This game relies too heavily on the player to be aware of the source material. I immediately head to the library…

But why, Harry?

… Aaaaand the library happens to be the place I need to go. This is fine for me because I know the story like the back of my hand. But what if there’s one kid who never read the books, who’s playing this game? There is no indication that this is where you should be going – although they can explore, who is going to search every room up and down seven floors? (I don’t care about accusations of new games and their hand holding spoiling everything, there needs to be some direction).

Anyway, the library. I head into the Restricted Section for no reason, I guess, and start browsing through books.

Things that you have no interest in, I’m sure.

Sadly for Harry being a rebel without a cause…

I wonder how she found out there was anyone in the library.

Madam Pince shows up. I guess it’s time to get out of here. I try to sneak past her…

My first attempt failed miserably.

Dammit! Sickly Potter is sent back to bed (where he probably should be).

I end up back at the Gryffindor Tower, ready to do the whole thing all over again. To the library, read books, Madam Pince shows up. There’s another set of stairs on the other side of the library – I take that this time.

I head out of the library. Snape is floating around too.

Haha, you’ll never catch me.

Nevermind, I’m invisible, it’s all fine. Should be the home stretch here…

Not an odd blob?!

Mrs Norris on the stairs? Ugh. Maybe I can sneak past her, I can’t be bothered finding out where I’m supposed to go…


Guess not.

Can Filch deduct points? Why not.

More lost house points! This time I’ll do it properly. To the library, read books, Madam Pince shows up. Up the other stairs, past Snape… and I find a corridor I haven’t ventured down before.

I did just catch Harry Potter, but I sent him to bed. Couldn’t be him.

Filch has memory problems.

Down this hallway, there’s an abandoned classroom.

I wonder if Harry can see how unwell he looks…

It is pretty strange. Harry approaches and some figures appear in the mirror!


Who could these mysterious mirror people be?!

And So I Watch You From… Pretty Close

Dumbledore just blinks into existence here. Even Harry cannot conceal his surprise.

Seriously need a bell for you or something…

The Mirror of Erised, eh? I guess it’s time for some explanations of the situation, Prof Dumbledore!

Well technically. But that’s not what he asked.

This is what it is, but don’t worry about it because it won’t be here ever again. No time to brood over it in this game, Harry. But best get to bed and you better forget about this random run in!

So much plot and exposition to get through, not enough time!

Harry attempts to object…

It is past his bed time… Also ugh what happened to Harry’s face?!

Dumbledore: so respected, he can tell a fully grown adult when to go to bed. And that adult will do it.

I reflect on how terrible this is.


On Day 7 again, it seems. We find our heroes studying hard in the library.

Ugh, I know that feel, bro.

That is why the Easter break sucks, so much work to do. Nail on the head, Harry. Luckily for the trio, a distraction is quick to come about. Hagrid shows up, and tries to find out what they’re doing.

We got over that thing ages ago. Get with the times.

Of course they’re blasé about what they’re talking about in a public place. Harry tries to get more information out of Hagrid, but he realises the dangers of secret discussions.

You don’t usually care, why start now?

Good idea Hagrid, because who knows who could be listening.

I know who’s hanging around.

WHO KNOWS. He was literally standing there the whole time they were chatting. Great idea to talk in front of Malfoy, idiots.

Hermione notes something interesting about the encounter just past.

Why even bother asking?


I think we all know who is still listening, Hermione.

Yes, he’s still here. Just casually standing around listening.

The three of them head down to Hagrid’s hut, to discuss the secrets in a less open and public place, and less in front of a student who will quite happily throw them under a bus.


05-19-2014, 09:42 PM
Dumbledore: "You can get in trouble for that Harry! Oh wait...I'm the Headmaster, aren't I? I should probably be the one punishing you, right? Honestly, I'm not even sure why they keep me around here."

05-20-2014, 11:24 PM
What the hell is up with Malfoy's head? I know it's supposed to be his hair but it looks like he's got one of those Face Huggers attached from Alien.

05-21-2014, 02:08 AM
What the hell is up with Malfoy's head? I know it's supposed to be his hair but it looks like he's got one of those Face Huggers attached from Alien.

I like this idea. Let's go with this.

05-23-2014, 11:47 AM
Uh, where was I?


Sure he will Hermione. Sure he will.

He does have a lot of information that he probably shouldn’t be giving out to nosy eleven year olds.

Anything else you’d like to share?

Harry knows only one way to respond to this.

One word exclamations!

Hagrid waves Harry’s concern away, because he’s just a silly kid.

I… don’t even know how that is related to what Hagrid said, Harry

Hermione decides she is bored of this conversation and very abruptly moves on.

The Philosopher’s Stone? Boring. The true mystery is the temperature in this cabin!

It turns out there is something untoward happening in Hagrid’s Hut!

A football is not part of a healthy breakfast

Harry, for some reason, knows what it is.

Harry has been reading up about dragons quite a bit. Apparently.

No, not Ron, whose brother has probably shown him dragon eggs before. Not Hermione, who has probably read every book known to wizardkind. Harry knows what it is. Alrighty then.

Hagrid, of course, spills the beans about the whole dragon thing.

Of course, the name is the most important thing. Not how you’re going to properly care for it in a tiny hut.

Ron, you’ve been quiet so far, what’s your input?

Where did this come from?

So it seems that they are aware that Malfoy was eavesdropping. But they don’t care to do anything about it. I know this because they immediately move on to discussing what Norbert would eat (Norbert has been born, I appear to have lost that screenshot. Imagine a pixelly dragon!)

Great idea, set dragons on people you don’t like. Real mature.

Hagrid knows better though. Because of all the books he read.

Good that a fully grown man is also mature about dragons eating people.

Seriously, more fetch quests? Fine, I’ll go get your dumb chickens.

I step outside and find out our worst fears have been realised!

I wonder who he’s referring to?

Oh no! I better tell everyone that Malfoy knows! Maybe I won’t have to be a chicken chaser today. Please god. Let me not have to find five chickens.

Unfortunately, nobody cares that there is a vindictive student running to the castle to tell everyone about this.

Glad to see you care, Hagrid.

Into the grounds, to chase after chickens.

There’s one!

Cluck cluck.

I enter battle. Guess I have to fight some chickens. What an odd thing to force me to do.

This does not equate to three chickens caught, unfortunately.

The chickens actually gave me ridiculous experience points. I fought six battles with them and went up three or four levels. Ridiculous.

After hunting down the chickens, I get back to Hagrid. The sooner this is over the better.

I doubt that very much. The part about him already growing, the latter part I can believe.

What are you going to do about this guys? Malfoy knows, it’s a freaking dragon – there’s so many things wrong with this plan.

That could work

Ron is finally useful! They decide to go with this plan, because they literally have no others.

Entirely by coincidence indeed.

Back in the library, it turns out you can have owls flying around.

Time to poop on all the books.

A letter from Charlie saying that his friends will come to Hogwarts and recover the dragon. They make more plans in this public place.

Guess who was hovering around again!?

They actually do not learn do they?

Disaster has struck down in the grounds.

Are you kidding me.

You lost a freaking dragon? How? How did you manage this you great oaf!? Why did you even let him outside?! And of course it’s up to Harry to chase him down!

Luckily we have another simple flying section. That part chasing the owl was good practice for the real thing.

Stern words are exchanged between Harry and Hagrid.

And so Harry becomes the responsible one

Hagrid cannot be trusted to keep himself out of trouble. We better get to work.

No connection.

Sept. Siete. Sieben. Sette. Sjö. Syv. سات . επτά. 七. זיבן.

SEVEN AGAIN. So many Sevens.

It is the night of the great plan to get Hagrid out of some hot water. Ron has apparently been sick so he can’t go along, so Hermione is going in his place. Of course, he bitches about this.

Hermione stands up for herself. You go gurrrrrrrl

Under the invisibility cloak, Harry and Hermione head down to Hagrid’s. There were no teachers about this time. They obviously stopped caring after that troll managed to get into the castle – that’s a good time to stop having nightly patrols

Hagrid is busy crying over losing his highly dangerous pet.

Boo hoo

True say, Hermione.

Teddy bears are delicious.

Right, yes, goodbye.

Look Hagrid, you’ll get another dumb pet and you’ll forget about old Norbert.

That’s enough of that pity party. Time to go.

I find this so amusing for some reason.

Up to the tallest room, in the highest tower I climb.

Some figures appear out of the shadows… It’s Malfoy! Followed closely by Professor McGonagall.

Ahahaha, screw you Malfoy, Prof McG lays down the law.

Lucky they can’t see my vague outline! McGonagall is harsh and unfair with everyone, giving no chance for explanations.

Professor Snape will destroy him.

That’s what he gets for eavesdropping. Or perhaps sitting in the library studying near where Harry and his friends loudly discuss their against the rules plans.

I chuckle my way up to the top of the tower. Charlie’s friends fly on down and take Norbert away.

Good riddance.

This stupid debacle is over. Time to go back to the dorm and get on to the more exciting plot lines.

Ah yes, I had forgotten about these things I never knew about to begin with.

Half way down the stairs…

Harry is an idiot!

What a surprise!

Double surprise!

Filch takes us down to see Professor McGonagall. This won’t end well for anyone.

Yes, I know. Thanks.

Neville can’t keep himself out of trouble either. Just stay in bed! We got this.

Drag… Queen?

McGonagall has had enough of this nonsense about dragons and… dragons. She casts her cruel judgement on our heroes.


God damn that ruined our lead. Gryffindor is out for the count.

Dammit Malfoy! No, dammit Harry and co. Be more damned discrete next time!

Having someone be disappointed in you hurts more than having someone be angry

Hold on.

Yesterday was 7. The day proceeds to the next one. It is now 6.
???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

I can’t hold all this what…


Maybe if you hadn’t broke the rules. OF TIME AND SPACE. Day seven going to day six… I don’t…

Hermione once again shows great conversational skills in an attempt to ensure I know where I'm going.

Everyone hates us now. See you later.

Best get down there to do my time. Hopefully, the time will proceed in chronological order. It is my one prayer.

05-23-2014, 01:26 PM
I love how the card combinations are just getting so lazy. They used to have pithy comments now it's just "entirely by coincidence" and "no relation".

05-23-2014, 06:19 PM
If Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw are too stupid to realize that they are both beating Slytherin, they deserve to lose.

05-23-2014, 10:33 PM
It's all going to end in tears...

I wonder how they're going to show old Voldy on the back of Quirrell's head? Surely it can't match the pure evil that is Mrs Norris.

05-23-2014, 10:42 PM

This is gonna be the worst day of my liiiiiiiiiiiiiife

My li-i-i-i-i-iiiiiiife!

Apart from the one where both my parents were brutally murdered.

05-26-2014, 03:46 PM

I really hate walking around in the night time sections of this game, it is stupidly difficult to see anything. It’s not super difficult to hear things though, as Harry goes to eavesdrop…

It’s the guy from Diagon Alley! Why is he in Hogwarts…?

Uh oh. It seems Quirrell has been broken. This is bad news. The world is at risk! Maybe Harry should tell someone…?

Not exactly who I was thinking of…

You know guys, the reason you’re in this mess is because you refused to stop talking about sensitive things in a public place, surrounded by others. Do you not learn!? Either way, going to Dumbledore is a good idea – right after this detention, we’ll speak to him. In fact, he’ll probably find us as he has done in the past!

Let’s get going! …NO Filch, stop talking to us about…

~chains and whips excite me~

…Creepy things.

Luckily for Harry, Filch and everyone else runs off and leaves him to find his way to the Forbidden Forest. I actually had the game glitch out on me here, and I had to reload! Harry just flew across the screen and ended up stuck in a corner perpetually walking. It was funny/annoying.

Filch, understandably in this case, is impatient that it took so long for Harry to rejoin the group.

Sorry! The power of Satan was compelling me to walk through trees

And then Filch just leaves.

Yeah, we promise not to go anywhere.

There is a lot of trust for these miscreants who broke all the rules! What’s stopping them from breaking more rules and just walking away?

Sounds pleasant. Maybe this detention will be fun!

Before I get too impatient, our favourite gamekeeper shows up with some positive words about their task for the evening. Draco is understandably having absolutely none of it.

Fight the power!

His tantrum does no good.

Nothing will hurt me, eh? Sounds like this won’t be too bad!

This detention will be great. Draco lays out an ultimatum.

They can be the Boarhound Gang.

Hagrid agrees to this and splits the rest of the group.

What a great split. Nothing could go wrong here.

Hermione and Hagrid? Ugh, I’d rather go by myself than have to hang around with these terrible people. The two groups head into the forest.

And my wish is granted.

All by myself

Of course Hagrid abandons Harry. Of course.

I start my quest to find the unicorn. Let’s go.


You said nothing would hurt me Hagrid! Why did you lie?



I am warped back to the entrance. The punishment for KO is nothing.

I will admit here guys, that it took me a long time to get through the forest. I died more than once. I ended up turned around many times. It was not a nice experience.

I eventually catch up to Hagrid. You have three guesses as to how he responds to Harry successfully traversing the forest!

It has been many weeks but this is still frustrating!

If you guessed being horrible and condescending towards the boy he walked away from, you win! You win the prize of continuing to read this Let’s Play!

Hagrid actually leads Harry into the next area, and we meet our favourite proud race of creatures. The centaurs.


It has been some time since we have been introduced to a new character! They did not get better with experience. It is wonderful.

Hagrid introduces us to this centaur - Ronan.

Wow Harry, no need to be so snippy.

Maybe this guy knows something about the unicorn. He does live in the forest after all. Hagrid has the same idea, so starts interrogating the guy.

Haha, smurf you Hagrid. Nobody likes you!

Another centaur appears on the scene. This must be Ba-


-ne. His mouth isn’t even attached to the rest of his head! Good lord. I am crying.

He has nothing of use for us, so Hagrid and Hermione leave. I decide to try again with them, see if they have anything useful for Harry.

Wow okay, no need to condemn him to death.

That wasn’t helpful. Guess I best move on. More battles, more KOs, more being lost.

Suddenly, red sparks are shot into the air! Well, so I am led to believe, not that I get to see the firework show or anything. Hagrid runs off to see what damage has been done. I hope nobody is hurt!

Hermione doesn’t feel that way, though

Hagrid returns. Turns out Malfoy was a dick. Who could have seen that coming?

Dammit Neville, stand up for yourself!

Hagrid splits the teams up again, with a little bit more thought put into it. Maybe put the dick with someone who isn’t going to respond to him.

Yeah Malfoy, you walk away

Deeper further we go, and I think one more KO before we reach our destination.

Sadface many tears

Poor thing.

Yes, thanks for that Harry, I don’t think I knew

As they’re just standing there, a figure approaches. Just walks up. While there are two kids and a large dog standing there. It approaches the dead unicorn. And stands there. Not even secretively.


For some reason Malfoy is afraid of this.

What a baby.

Look, I know that he is supposed to be drinking the unicorn blood - but really? That doesn’t even look remotely scary. Or like he’s doing anything! You have the characters say dumb things all the time, pointing out things that don’t need pointed out – why not have one of them say “Oh golly gee mister, why are you drinking that there unicorn blood! That looks mighty distasteful!” instead of stone silence, forcing us to guess what is happening?!

Harry whines about his scar a little bit...

The hooded man stares Harry to death.

And promptly passes out. While the guy is just standing there still.

The screen fades to black. The end?

I wish. Harry wakes up and finds a new friend.

Good question.

The hooded man is gone. Harry is still in the same place he was before. Maybe should have taken Harry somewhere safer, eh Firenze?

He has weird elf ears going on there, but otherwise a massive improvement on Bane.

Luckily for the centaur, he doesn’t have to get Harry anywhere, since Hagrid shows up.

So… he just let Neville get back through the forest on his own? Really?

Yes good, get me out of this deathtrap.

Of course I have to walk back by myself. I once again find myself not being able to navigate the forest. I don’t know why, but I am having real trouble with it. I spend about ten minutes looking around, and then an idea dawns on me. I’ll just die and get sent back to the entrance. Brilliant. Shauna, you have quite the brain on you!

So I die in battle… and am sent back to the unicorn. FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-

Back in the castle, McGonagall is waiting up.

Straight to the dorm? Okay. I mean, I was thinking about running riot around the school, but if you’re sure…

Up in the dorm, Hermione and Ron are still up and waiting for the hot goss.

Old Voldie is just hanging with the centaurs waiting for the stone to be delivered

It really is time to act. Tell someone. Tell Dumbledore. Like Hermione said earlier! Just do it! Be responsible!


Nah time for bed.

Seriously? SERIOUSLY? How dumb could you all get? I mean you’re already scraping the bottom of the barrel for intelligence, but come on.

They have got lazy. This may be one of the last congrats screens I get, and they don’t even try.

The time. It goes.

It seems we drop back in at a good point in our heroes’ lives.

Whoop whoop!

No exams, the summer to piss around… living the dream. Harry doesn’t know how to have a good time though.

What a negative nancy

I suspect all his exam papers were “THE STONE SNAPE QUIRREL VOLDEMORT” written over and over what with this one track mind. Although, despite this, he has still not told anyone in a position of authority yet. Good.


Hagrid interrupts Harry’s crazy thoughts. Hermione was worried how someone would find out how to get past Fluffy? Well, we’re about to find out how easy it is.

Step 1: Ask Hagrid a question

Get right to the point, don’t beat around the bush

Step 2: Hagrid tells you everything

Like I told the… Seriously?

Some random dude came up and asked me about Fluffy, I just told him. Just like I’m telling you now. Aren’t you glad I just open my mouth and then can’t stop the words falling out. But hey, at least he got something out of it!

Smurfing finally. Get him telt.

The three of them split up to find Dumbledore’s office. I don’t actually think he has an office in this maze of a castle.

I come across Prof McG. She’ll know.


The one time I want to see him… He follows me around all other times… ugh! Well, might as well tell McGonagall.

That is hardly the point.

Look, woman, we have important things to deal with. The stone is under attack!

Ah of course, Minerva doesn’t listen to anyone. How silly of me to forget.

I head back up to the dorm to pass on the information to the cronies.

Apparently there were spells and potions I could learn by going to the library, but I missed them out by virtue of simply not knowing they exist and there being, again, no hints that they are available. I found out when looking online for information about the game. Not having them probably made this game more annoying than it should have been.

Anyway. Ron and Hermione.

Oh no! It’s all happening!

I guess we better be the heroes and save the school.

Not before we’re interrupted one more time though.

Put your dukes up, sir! Loljk, Neville, you couldn’t ever take anyone on

Neville, now is not the time to get your bravery on. I know what I said earlier, but lose that confidence already!

Hermione is one scary witch

Stiff as a board

And so we will leave this instalment here. Just like our heroes leave Neville on the ground.

Miss Mae
05-26-2014, 04:53 PM
Bane's face is flippin' hilarious.

I love that it's just expected we know the hooded figure is unicorn-blood-drinking Voldie. Anyone who hadn't read the source material would see "Voldemort is in the forest!" once Harry's back in the dorm and be genuinely surprised.

The card collector's club is getting stupidly lazy. Now it's just announcing new card combinations. Mind you, have you actually gone back to the club and seen any of these prizes you're apparently receiving or whatever?

I can't believe the game expected you to magically know there were spells and potions to learn in the library. Useless.

What this game has mostly taught me so far is that when you take out the plot and character development and just make Harry Potter all about several key events, absolutely nothing makes sense at all.

05-26-2014, 04:55 PM
Yeah, speaking of the spells in the library: Hermione fucking lives there. She couldn't tip you off?

05-26-2014, 05:20 PM
I have been back once or twice, usually when I go to see Fred and George to buy more items to throw away in battle. It just says "New Card Combination!" with no more specifics than that. They're things you can use in battle, but honestly, I've never found a use for it (nor have I tried to).

05-26-2014, 08:46 PM
Bane is now my new favourite character in the entire Harry Potter series.

05-26-2014, 10:06 PM
How about that, they made Filch look just like Walder Frey. ;)

Dat Matt
05-26-2014, 10:13 PM

Bitch go near the girl dorms and I'll Fucking shank you

05-29-2014, 06:42 PM
Oh man, so the next entry, believe it or not, is the final one. Just putting together the final touches for it and I'll probably get it up tomorrow.

How hype are we for the climactic finish?!

Miss Mae
05-30-2014, 03:02 AM
I am both very excited and super sad.

05-30-2014, 03:18 AM
Anguished, though I'm expecting a Chamber of Secrets sequel!

It's actually good for me, because I've never seen or read Harry Potter in my life, so I'm actually getting the (probably truncated) plot and know what happens.

05-30-2014, 08:24 AM
This is literally the worst way to get to know the Harry Potter plot. Regardless of what Skyblade thinks ( ;) ), you should give the actual story a go yourself and experience it without all this... horrible.

05-30-2014, 08:25 AM
This gonna be a long one, so strap in, guys!

There is nothing standing between me and the saving of the school. Invisibility cloak on, wands at the ready… it’s time to stop Snape getting that stone.
We head down to the third floor corridor.

When’s a door not a door? When it’s a-jar!

Who even speaks like this?

Ugh, nevermind. There’s no time for this dilly-dallying! Into the room!

Does Harry even know how to play a flute? I imagine it requires some amount of skill.

After mere seconds, he falls asleep.

Which apparently caused a trapdoor to appear. Why not?

Our heroes jump into the hole and fall some distance. Harry lands right on some hard stones, I suspect his legs are broken. Ron and Hermione landed on something soft, however they are not in a good situation.

They look fine, what’s the issue?

Harry is thrust into a battle with some tentacles.


That takes them out pretty quick. You know, I thought this would be tougher for the end of the game. I expected too much, obviously. But the tentacles are down, and Ron and Hermione are saved.

No bother mate, maybe next time you could help out though, you know incendio too.

Into the next room, where our heroes look up to the ceiling as soon as they enter.

Birds? I’ll zap the hell out of them with my magic

Harry has a moment of realisation.

Keys? I’ll zap the hell out of them with my magic

I will have to find the correct key from the hundreds of flying ones. This will be great, I’m sure.

Unfortunately, Harry suddenly realises he doesn’t have his broom with him. Not that I believe he ever had a broom in this game. Why would you even think to bring a broom with you in this situation?

Ron did though. Why does he even have his broom in Hogwarts? It’s not allowed!

Ick, a Comet 260? Nothing compares to the Nimbus 2000. Not that Harry has one.

TO the skies!

Stop giving me that look, man.

This was actually a super annoying minigame. Every time you hit one of the keys, which were really difficult to avoid I might add, there was about 5 seconds in which you couldn’t move and you sank lower again. The keys seemed to converge on Harry many times, so I often could not move for tens of seconds at a time.

But I finally break through.

What a fancy, regal looking key.

It is mine! The door is unlocked, and we move into the next room.

A giant chessboard awaits. Ron and Hermione stand at the edge while Harry does all the work, of course. Ron warns Harry to watch out for the Queen!

The knight actually moved in an L-shape. I was impressed.

The frickin’ horse kicked me in the face!

A few incendios later and he is out for the count.

The rook moves in for the kill

Again, a few incendios cast and the rook is done. If only I could play real chess this way. Losing? Set the pieces on fire.

The Queen makes a move on Harry.

Not tonight, lady, I’m on a mission

Ron jumps in to save Harry’s dignity. Not that I need help really, I could take her on.


Ron is out for the count. Maybe we should do something about him just lying on the board…

…or we just move to take the King down.

This is actually a fairly difficult battle as none of my spells do any damage to him.


After wasting a lot of magic, I cast poison and whittle him down to no HP.
Hermione had dragged Ron off the battlefield during the climactic finisher. Again, it would have been nice if she’d helped out…

Thank goodness he wasn’t hurt being stupid.

We of course, leave him behind, and press on into the next room, where it’s Hermione’s turn to be stupid.

Not again? He’s clearly out for the count.

The troll has been knocked out by Snape already. We gotta move faster! Into the next room!

In the next room we are faced with a table with some potion ingredients on it. Hermione complains that she doesn’t understand what’s going on.

Hagrid’s information is useful for once.

I approach the potion table. It is time for… Mastermind…?

Aaaaahhhhhhhh nooooooooo

I am terrible at this gaaaame. Noooooo. I will never get past this.

Time to randomly throw stuff in.

Okay that went better than expected

The potion is made, time to press on. Unfortunately there is not enough potion for Hermione to come too.

Very great.

Good riddance to her, she was completely useless in this entire affair. Just like Ron.

It’s time though.

Through this door is Professor Snape.

And Voldemort.

Time to face the past!


It was Quirrell all along! I did not see that coming!

How… would he know what James Potter thought of Snape?

Harry is shocked and appalled by this sudden revelation. He was so sure it was Snape! His world has been destroyed!

At what point was Snape “after” Harry at all in this game?

More questions are sent Quirrell’s way as Harry struggles to wrap his puny brain around what has been happening over the course of the year. Who was Quirrell crying about then?!

Of course! Your master was the one threatening you. It makes sense.

Oooh, what’s for me? A present?! Just gonna hand over the Philosopher’s Stone, eh?

Harry’s too tied up to stop Voldemort today.

Well, this isn’t good. Harry is bound. Nobody knows they’re down here. It’s all over. Quirrell monologues some more.

The mirror is here for a reason, so yes, it’s probably the key.

Quirrell doesn’t know what to do. The mirror is not an easy puzzle to solve. However, his master seems to have an idea.

It’s time guys! Voldemort is going to have a line!

How disappointing.

Well… at least we know that Voldemort likes to shout a lot.

Harry is summoned to stand before the mirror, and something magical happens!

He is supposed to be winking here

The stone!


Quirrell demands Harry repeat himself, and Harry instead lies. Voldemort though, he knows a liar when he hears one.

And he has very good hearing too.


He is quite powerful.

Not powerful enough though!

Nothing can withstand the powers of poison!

Outside of battle, Quirrell takes off his turban. We finally get to see his true face. While he explains his plans.

Man, his voice must get pretty rough what with all that shouting he’s doing.

Harry of course responds the only way he knows how.

You know it

Why is Harry even arguing this? He knows nothing about his parents, for all he knows, they did die begging for their lives. In fact, his mother was begging for Voldemort to not kill Harry. Nevermind all that. LIAR.

Time to take you down, Voldemort.


Jesus he is tough. He casts one spell and one spell only: Avada Kedavra. I successfully poison him but…

Double trout.

I die. Fortunately, it takes me just back outside Fluffy’s room. Silver linings. I do have to battle my way back through everything again though. The Devil’s Snare, the chessmen, the flying, the potions… Lots of experience. I get progressively worse at the puzzley side of things. I actually failed the mastermind potion puzzle and was sent to the beginning agan, which was terrible. There are lots of useful drops, like better armour and all that. Every run through makes things better for me. Ended up on the other side of level 75 when I was done.

I will let you in on a little secret here. My time clocked in running through the final dungeon was almost two hours. I just could not beat Voldemort. His Avada Kedavra spell consistently took off over 100SP. My spells do barely any damage to him overall. I used up all my items the first time I battled and lost. But I just keep chipping away, being sent back to the start, and going back in again.

Literally for hours.

Voldemort can’t withstand whirlwinds!

I rely on luck – his Avada Kedavra spell often misses. Along with luck and prayers to whoever may be listening, I have him poisoned. Slowly but surely, he is taken down.


It is done! He is defeated!

Not defeated enough though.

The screen fades to… green?

THE END. Again.

Or not.

Harry is safe and sound in the hospital wing. He immediately goes crazy.

Very well is probably pushing it quite a lot.

But, it is time for all of the plot questions to be answered. Hopefully they will be answered to my satisfaction.

Oh who am I kidding, of course they won’t be.

Getting a little bit too foreshadow-y there, Dumbledore.

I see. That makes almost no sense. Thanks.

How thoughtful.

Nice and easy for question two. I bet Dumbledore is loving all this knowledge he has kept to himself all year.

Uh huh… Actually, hold on.

Snape protected Harry all year. Okay. In the book, yes. He did. He saved Harry once or twice. But in this game? There was no protection from Snape at all. The two of them barely even communicated. Snape is definitely not even with anyone with his lacklustre actions over the course of this school year.

Moving on.

Dumbledore has had enough of your silly question.

Will be soon. Riiight. Well, that cleared up all my questions!

For one final occasion, time has passed.

It is the end-of-year feast. We all know what that means!

You’re going down, Ravenclaw!

Yes, you’re right, they should be. Harry did a lot of hard work doing everything below the trapdoor. I want my recognition for being the greatest.


Ron didn’t even play chess! Or battle the chess pieces! He just threw himself in front of a piece. That’s hardly a strategy. Especially when I could have dealt with it.


Hermione didn’t even know what to do in the potion room. It was Harry who worked out the correct combination! She just flailed around and then said that Harry was very great. She did nothing.

You’re damn right

Double damn right.

Okay I guess I can’t fault anything here

Really there should have only been 70 House Points given away, but we do need a lot more than that to catch up. I suppose I’ll stop complaining about those two lazy so-called friends riding on my coattails.

Bring on the House Point tally!

I… lost.

If… if I hadn’t lost those 15 house points that night at the library… I would have won by a single point. I…

You weren’t good enough guys.

At least it wasn’t Slytherin…?

Screw you Draco this is all your fault.

At least he isn’t happy about it either. That makes it a tiny bit better?

Everyone else weighs in on Gryffindor’s loss.

Priorities: You need them

Nevermind that whole Dark Lord business. If you had stopped us, we would have lost the House Cup even worse!

Why are there two tables celebrating?

I am honestly really gutted about not getting the House Cup. Ahahahaha, I am such a loser.

It doesn’t help that the game is laughing at me too.

Next time?!

Implying that there ever would be a next time for anyone playing this game.

Well guys, here we are. The end of the journey.

Bye bye!

The credits roll, and I save my clear data.

It turns out there is a New Game+. So I can go through with all my collected sickles and level and all that good stuff and play the game all over again! That’s why they said next time at the end of the game.

Not that I am ever turning this game on again.

I had a lot of fun playing this game, if you could call it that, and I hope you all enjoyed my venture into the world of witchcraft and wizardry! Thanks for reading! You all made it worthwhile!

And my final comment: I wonder what craziness Harry’s second year at Hogwarts will hold… maybe you’ll get to find out. But of course, in the spirit of things, you’ll have to find out on your own with no guidance from me whatsoever. ;)

Miss Mae
05-30-2014, 09:32 AM
This gonna be a long one, so strap in, guys!

When it's a-jar? Are you smurfing kidding me. -_-

Way to take away Ron's crowning moment in this story - the chess game. Yeah, he totally just dived in front of the queen as it attacked Harry - that's totally what happened in the book. And then the queen just magically disappeared. Yes.

At least they actually included the logic puzzle with the potions. I was really sad Hermione's time to shine was taken out of the movie. I love that fire just randomly starts being talked about here - were the fires visible on the doors, or was Harry just ridiculous?

Umm... he had to mix a potion? And Hermione wasn't involved at all? And she could just get through the fire in the other doorway without any trouble? I... I take back what I said about being glad this was in the game.

Snape was after Harry in that scene where it looked like he was trying to knock Harry off his broom! Wait, that didn't happen. Harry wasn't even on the Quidditch team. He didn't even have a broom.

I'mma just let you live while I look at this mirror. La de da...

Voldemort's face is such a let down. At least it vaguely looks like eyes and a hood though, I suppose. I didn't know Voldemort's eyes glowed red.

Hahaha the winking face is great.

So even though Quirrell has taken off his turban, Voldemort still has a hood? Weird.

So much aggressive, pubescent angst from Harry.

God that boss fight seemed outrageously more difficult than anything else you had encountered so far. What a steep difficulty curve.

So Dumbledore has become the new Hagrid, spouting out all sorts of random knowledge for no particular reason. Random knowledge that doesn't even make sense in the context of this game. Rad.

Ron and Hermione contributed literally nothing and then got a stack of points............. -_-

Ummmmmmmm........ Ravenclaw still won? What is this?

Haha Next Game+. As if anyone would.


Awesome LP Shauna. I enjoyed every second and there were lots of laugh out loud moments. :D

05-30-2014, 10:17 AM
My Dad told me the door is ajar joke when I was younger. :shobon:

RE: The fires - they were visible, but they kind of just looked like black bubbles around the two doors. Nothing that could possibly look fire-like.

Thanks! Glad you enjoyed!

05-30-2014, 01:24 PM
Voldemort, bro, your capslock is on.


There's a key on your left


No, dude, it's about halfway down the keyboard and




Also, lol that Voldemort uses Avada Kedavra. It's the Killing Curse!

And...I like that Gryffindor didn't win...how? xD

05-30-2014, 01:27 PM
This is literally the worst way to get to know the Harry Potter plot. Regardless of what Skyblade thinks ( ;) ), you should give the actual story a go yourself and experience it without all this... horrible.

Yep. A world in which helping Muggles with magic is frowned upon, but wiping their minds every half hour to get them to do menial chores for you is a standard government program. Just one small gem among the hundreds in these great stories.

The first one was easily the best, because it was a completely ridiculous story, and it wasn't trying to be anything else. The characters were two-bit caricatures with no depth, and the world was much the same way. But, as the fans took the stories way to seriously, J. K. Rowling followed suit, and the result is one of the most nonsensically built worlds I've ever seen in a work of fiction.

That said, your Let's Play was great, and I did thoroughly enjoy it. I'm kind of sad that the card combinations apparently got no use in the game. I'm convinced that's why you lost so many times to Voldemort.

Also, I do love the "no one else can beat Slytherin"... And then Ravenclaw utterly trounces everyone, even with the massive bonus points.

05-30-2014, 01:39 PM
Whatevs. My point really was that he should experience it himself and not be swayed by comments that it's not worth his time. :p He can decide for himself.

Anyway, I looked up the card combos, and they're all terrible. http://www.gamefaqs.com/gbc/565542-harry-potter-and-the-sorcerers-stone/faqs/20834

Well, some of them are good, but I probably didn't have the necessary cards to do the better ones. I didn't have many cards. I probably could have explored more but... nothx.

05-30-2014, 10:27 PM
NOOOOO!! You lost the House Cup!

Congrats Shauna, you got this game's equivalent of a bad ending :p

05-30-2014, 10:32 PM
Yep. I'd be more ashamed if I wasn't glad this atrocity was over. xD

05-30-2014, 10:35 PM
Caps lock remains cruise control for cool, obviously. I'm half Ravenclaw, half Slytherin so I'm cool with that outcome :shobon:

05-31-2014, 09:55 AM
Shauna to win the Ciddie for Best Let's Play Summer 2014!

Congratulations to all the winners :monster:

Miss Mae
05-31-2014, 10:15 AM
Shauna to win the Ciddie for Best Let's Play Summer 2014!
^ This

05-31-2014, 10:23 AM
I am a Ravenclaw so the result is okay in the end, I suppose. If I think about it from that angle. xD

I am currently dealing with which CoS game to play. More research is needed.

But aww, thanks guys! It would be great, but I have some tough and also deserving competition!

05-31-2014, 01:32 PM
Will you continue it in this thread? I feel like you should, since it's just a general HP thread.

06-01-2014, 09:07 PM
I will probably make a new thread. Keep them separate as they are different games.

I dunno. Not decided yet. But, plz help me choose which version of Chamber of Secrets I should play! They're all going to be terrible, so...

06-01-2014, 09:10 PM
Do you have a list or do I have to do EVERYTHING GOD

06-01-2014, 09:10 PM
I made a poll! :( It's in this thread!


06-01-2014, 09:14 PM
I choose you, Pea Ess Too!

06-01-2014, 09:24 PM
I made a poll! :( It's in this thread!



Miss Mae
06-02-2014, 01:37 AM
I made a poll! :( It's in this thread!


Wimmin = women. Are you two people now, Jinx? :jess:

06-02-2014, 01:40 AM
Yeah, but Scotland

06-04-2014, 09:09 AM
Looks like PS2 is ahead here. This will definitely be more suited to videos than screenshots. God help us all.

06-04-2014, 05:28 PM
The PS2 version is the same as the GameCube one, I take it? Don't forget to quip about them getting the Hufflepuff house colors wrong.

06-04-2014, 05:36 PM
I believe the PS2/Xbox/GC ones would be the same, yes.

After a bit of investigation, turns out that uh, my methods of playing this won't work as CoS is incompatible with the good PS2 emulator. Do I dare shell out £1.50 to please the masses?!

Miss Mae
06-04-2014, 06:24 PM
We are awfully nice masses, Shauna.

06-04-2014, 06:25 PM
Make your boyfriend pay for it. He lets me typo your name.

06-04-2014, 06:39 PM
We are awfully nice masses, Shauna.

That you are.

Are you £2.37 good though?! I guess I will find out.

This is an announcement I guess. The voting has closed. The superior(?) game has won. Watch this general area for a new thread.

07-23-2014, 05:06 PM
I played the PS2 version and enjoyed it! it was kind of neat being able to walk around the school!