Massages

[Loony BoB]

I just had my first professional massage. I did not quite know what to expect - I opted for "neck, shoulders and back" because they are traditionally the parts of my body that get most sore and I expect they could do with a good rub down. So I got told to put on some weird not-quite-underwear and a robe. I got my feet washed in water with petals in it as I made my decisions. "Light, Medium or Deep?" the survey asked. I looked up cluelessly. I don't know, I said with my eyes and vocal chords in equal measure. A girl came along and pointed at "Medium" after I told her I've never had a massage.

I'd call her a bitch but she was most certainly not . Everyone in our resort in Thailand is pretty much the most fantastic person in the world, so insanely nice that I swear they surpass even RSL, Levian and Resha. These are the nicest people I have probably met in the world. I love them. I do not, however, appreciate the choice of 'Medium' because I am - as it turns out - a complete pansy. Well, not completely. I gritted my teeth and did not say 'ow' or 'grrr' at any point. I winced, but they could not see me. They poked their fingers into my body just about enough that I felt they weren't going to pierce my skin as I lay face down staring at a pool of flowers for a good 40 or so minutes.

Not only that, but they started with my feet - odd, as I'd opted for neck, shoulders and back, which I quickly pointed out and they quickly reassured me. It'll be fine, you silly chocobo, they did not say. But they said made assurances on some level regardless. This level was enough for me to not want to offend the nicest people in the world in any way, so I did not offend them and lay back down quickly. They immediately grabbed my feet again. Right. Okay. I can handle this. Will they touch my bum? Oh, yes, they certainly will. I haven't had my bum grabbed by a girl that wasn't Danielle for far too long (as much as I dislike anyone feeling my bum, it is still a strangely effective confidence booster when being done by the right lady), but this was not the way in which I expected it to happen. Thankfully it was not for too long before they did indeed reach my back, neck and shoulders, where they remained for some time.

Eventually I was mounted. I was okay with this. Danielle, after I mentioned it being my first time afterwards, was all "I should have warned you that they get on top of you!" and I did not see the bad thing about this. I have heard of this happening. I was okay. But then they were not sitting on me but they were on me to quite some degree, and I felt their hair a bit on my back for a moment and I could hear the lady breathing heavily as she aligned all of her inner strength into various jabbery, focusing on my shoulder blades at the time in a bizarre method which was simultaneously painful and ticklish. I owed in my head, I stiffled my laughs - although one half-giggle at some point which was seemingly ignored. This caveman would not let down his tribe, no sir.

But eventually the straddling and the long hair brushing my back and the lady's heavy breathing had me thinking. "Wait... what's that thing I heard about happy endings and Thailand and all that in those stories? Danielle is about three meters to my right. This is not going to happen, surely." I had about one second's panic before realising that was the most absurd thought I had ever had, but it didn't stop me from thinking about this rumoured 'thing' that some masseuses have been known to do. I wondered if there were signals that some men would give. Maybe the tent in their absurd provided underpants. Maybe a wink. I hoped I wasn't giving off any of the wrong signals! Thankfully I do not get turned on by having fingers driven into my knee joints and beneath my shoulder blades. No awkward moment for me. Well, aside from the entire massage.

So, today I discovered that massages are not my 'thing' and if I am ever to be wrangled into a massage again, I should opt for 'Light' out of fear of death. Do you like massages?

[Christmas]

As long as they don't provide Happy Ending (usually to male patrons). I prefer to have an ending without them being part of it. :mymelbert:

[Alive-Cat]

I love massages more than anything!! For some reason. I don't know. What you described sounds like heaven, I want a professional massage. All my life I have had to beg girlfriends for massages and maybe I get like 5 minutes tops, not even that. I have had to get by on that for so long. One day my time will come :(

[Rantz]

I had my first professional massage a few days ago, too! It was painful but the painful part felt justified and well needed as she explained about the muscles she was working on and we established why those particular muscles were stressed in my case. For example, I sit down a lot which causes strain in two muscles in the lower back. It was very painful to have her press on those points (she had to tell me to relax and keep a steady breath as I had tensed up a lot), but it did feel like it helped a bit afterwards, and I got a very effective lesson in why I should stand up at my desk at work more often. The non-painful parts were very relaxing and nice, too. Overall a very positive experience for me!

[chionos]

I like both giving and receiving massages. Receiving them almost always puts me to sleep instantly. I grew up giving massages to my grandmother and my uncle, who broke his back in the military. I seriously considered becoming a masseur because I enjoy it so much. It's kind of relaxing and I let my mind drift and it becomes meditative after a while.

[Rantz]

I'll bet he wants a Swedish massage.

[Colonel Angus]

I don't think I could handle it. I'm too ticklish. :erm:

[Loony BoB]

Yeah, the Swedish massage sounds better. Maybe I'll get one someday. Rantz? Sara? ...Anyone? :D

[chionos]

Uh, I think Rantz was offering. It would be rude to go to anyone else.

[Loony BoB]

If Rantz is offering, I accept with gusto.

[chionos]

Now you're talking Smak.

[Alive-Cat]

I'm going to start advertising now for someone who will give me a massage at the 2016 meetup, please, someone :greenie:

[Raistlin]

I am - as it turns out - a complete pansy.

Is that supposed to surprise anyone?

I've never actually had a professional massage. I probably should, as I not uncommonly get tension headaches from stiff neck muscles. Maybe I'll look into my local options.

[Shorty]

I would not judge all massages on the one Thai massage you received. Most masseueses should be asking you as they go "is this pressure okay?" or "how does this feel?" when they start to do something new on your body.

It doesn't sound like I would have liked the Thai massage, either - I like relaxing sessions, not "dig into my muscles to get knots out" sessions. You should have said something!

[Jess]

I've never had a professional massage. :(

I'd love to have one!

[Parker]

get off eoff on your honeymoon jesus fucking christ

[Pumpkin]

I don't mind massages but the only kind I actually enjoy is boobie massages but that's more of a couple thing and not something to go to a spa for....

[escobert]

I love them. One of my good friends moms is a massage therapist. She's ruff :bigsmile:

[Alive-Cat]

However any of you choose to massage me is fine, really :greenie:

[Shorty]

For those of you who have never had a massage - see if there is a student academy near you. They offer discount massages as they need someone to practice on, and 9/10 they are excellent and know what they are doing. There's always the chance that you won't get someone who really matches what your body needs, but you take that risk going to a regular licensed clinic anyway.

[Loony BoB]

For what it's worth, Danielle thought the massage was amazing. =]

And Parker, psshhh, I have ten days here and a lot of it will involve Danielle lying down sunbathing (something I don't do to the length she does) and getting massages while I twiddle my thumbs. I have some books and my PSP but I'm the kind of dork who pays for a website so... yeah. xD It's more than a hobby to me, it's part of my life, so I shall check a few threads every now and then. :love:

[Shiny]

A few months ago I went to a Massage Envy place and got the kink out of my neck. Because of all the kinks, it was more of a medium pain massage, but it feel good afterward rather than achy. The music was very calming. I also went back there again a few months after that and got a massage from a different woman who is pretty good.

[Christmas]

For what it's worth, Danielle thought the massage was amazing. =]

And Parker, psshhh, I have ten days here and a lot of it will involve Danielle lying down sunbathing (something I don't do to the length she does) and getting massages while I twiddle my thumbs. I have some books and my PSP but I'm the kind of dork who pays for a website so... yeah. xD It's more than a hobby to me, it's part of my life, so I shall check a few threads every now and then. :love:

So EoFF is like your mistress now? Good job cheating on your wife during honeymoon, you player, you. :bigsmile:

[chionos]

For what it's worth, Danielle thought the massage was amazing. =]

And Parker, psshhh, I have ten days here and a lot of it will involve Danielle lying down sunbathing (something I don't do to the length she does) and getting massages while I twiddle my thumbs. I have some books and my PSP but I'm the kind of dork who pays for a website so... yeah. xD It's more than a hobby to me, it's part of my life, so I shall check a few threads every now and then. :love:

So EoFF is like your mistress now? Good job cheating on your wife during honeymoon, you player, you. :bigsmile:


No, no, no. EoFF has always been Daniel's first love. Danielle is the mistress. Luckily, Danielle accepts that EoFF is Daniel's first love and doesn't mind being second-fiddle, because otherwise Daniel would want to spend all his time with EoFF and would end up getting jealous that the rest of us spend more time with her than he does, and he would eventually make all the rest of us go away so he could have her all to himself.

And now I wish I hadn't said anything because maybe he hadn't ever thought of that before and what if, now that the idea's in his head, he makes us all go away??? :'(

[Alive-Cat]

I don't know what you guys think but I think mine and Loony BoB's fateful bonding moment will be when I learn to be really good at massages :greenie:

[Christmas]

A good Swedish style massage, hairy baby. :bigsmile:

[Alive-Cat]

A good Swedish style massage, hairy baby. :bigsmile:

I know. I shall :greenie:

[Sephex]

There is a divider between the urinal and the sink in the small office bathroom at work. If the upper back shoulder hurts, I can wedge in muscles on it (the divider is rounded, so it's soft) and that feels good. I must looks silly, like a bad pole dancer crossed with a cat trying to scratch its back.

So I guess the answer is no. I have not seen a professional massage therapist.

[Alive-Cat]

There is a divider between the urinal and the sink in the small office bathroom at work. If the upper back shoulder hurts, I can wedge in muscles on it (the divider is rounded, so it's soft) and that feels good. I must looks silly, like a bad pole dancer crossed with a cat trying to scratch its back.

So I guess the answer is no. I have not seen a professional massage therapist.

When my triceps ache my chair at work has the perfect angles for pressing them against! It's great :greenie:

[Parker]

i often rub myself until i feel better. i rub myself until the pain goes away

[Miriel]

Did you get a Thai massage?? At medium?!

I will never ever get a Thai massage. No thanks! But I adore relaxing massages. Swedish is nice, but my absolute favorite is the Hawaiian Lomilomi. Relaxing as fuck. Ahhhhhh.

I had a pregnancy massage too, but that wasn't as nice since you know, there's a giant belly in the way. I try and get a massage every couple months. It really is one of my most favorite things in the whole world. Love it.

[Shauna]

My sister is a beauty therapist, so I've had one or two massages in my time.

[Rantz]

I had no idea "Swedish massage" was a thing before this thread, true fax.

[Alive-Cat]

I assume there is a massage for every country, right? :greenie:

[Pumpkin]

I'm not sure what a Canadian massage would be. Maybe we just rub maple syrup on you while apologizing

[Shauna]

A Scottish massage would be potentially lifethreatening. And there will probably be some kind of deep-frying involved.

[Jiro]

I've had to get a fair few massages in my time. No medium nonsense here; 100% try to cause you as much agony as possible to relieve the tension. I am fortunate to have a high pain tolerance.

[Christmas]

An American massage would start out with rubbing you down with lard and then kneading you with our AK-47s.

I am migrating to USA now. :bigsmile:

But replace the AK-47 with a Bazooka though, that gun is too small for my taste. :bigsmile:

[Colonel Angus]

An American massage would start out with rubbing you down with lard and then kneading you with our AK-47s.

I am migrating to USA now. :bigsmile:

But replace the AK-47 with a Bazooka though, that gun is too small for my taste. :bigsmile:
What do you think this is, Serbia?

[Alive-Cat]

Girlyfriends have made me give them massages in the past and apparently it's like being caressed by a troll or something, I have two modes and normal is just so rough and me trying to be mild is just silly. One day I'll learn!

[Jiro]

I can practice with you, Alive-Man, until you have perfected it

[chionos]

An American massage would start out with rubbing you down with lard and then kneading you with our AK-47s.

You say this as a joke, but I bet you a bajillion real dollars there's a video of a Russian doing exactly this somewhere on the internet.

[Colonel Angus]

An American massage would start out with rubbing you down with lard and then kneading you with our AK-47s.

You say this as a joke, but I bet you a bajillion real dollars there's a video of a Russian doing exactly this somewhere on the internet.
I don't think she realized she picked a Russian gun. :p

[fire_of_avalon]

I don't really like people I don't know touching me, so I would probably be more tense after a professional massage.

[Calliope]

I was very uncomfortable the first times I had acupuncture or massage, but it's amazing what one will do if they are in enough pain. I currently get a massage every week/fortnight. My masseuse uses trigger point therapy, and our sessions are an hour long and range from "uncomfortable" to "excruciating pain that I wouldn't wish upon anyone". I think the worst was the time when she pressed under my shoulderblade, causing knife-like pain in my shoulder while my hand/lower arm suddenly lost all feeling at the same time. My range of motion and overall pain levels improve after our sessions, I just wish I could find a more permanent or affordable solution.