Lines from TV shows that make you laugh every single time

[Pike]

House's Team: "We've got rectal bleeding."
House: "What, all of you?"

[Pumpkin]

Friends when Chandler and Joey lose Ross's baby and decide to flip for it when they find a baby with a clown suit and one with a duck suit

It was something like
Chandler: What's heads?
Joey: Ducks! Because ducks have heads!
Chandler: What kind of scary ass clowns are going to your birthday parties?

[I Took the Red Pill]

Oh god, so many lines from the first 3 seasons of Family Guy:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7WWwSuW16Yg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mny0zkq_goM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BfjlZgOh_kg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pCiLly1DoFI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JFqnX0en0i8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_4pXusde8s

I could go on for ages. I've seen all of these episodes like a million times and will still watch them to this day and laugh at all of the jokes I've seen countless times. Of course we pretend that the show ended after 3 seasons, but what an amazing three seasons they were.

[Madame Adequate]

"I'm not interested in quantifying how much abuse your ass is built for."

"Go fuck yourselves! You shit-piles give chase and I will kill your dicks!"
"You'll kill our dicks? What does that even mean? Well, I'll kill your dick, how about that!"
[Bunch of enemies show up]
"Speaking of dick killing parties..."

"U R A D U M T I T S"

"Aw cock-fucker-rimjob-piece-of-shit! We're right back where we started!"
"The room was not on fire last time."

"Got myself a scotch, and I'm violently fiddlin' my balls in anticipation of your arrival!"

[Lone Wolf Leonhart]

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[Old Manus]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b4AoSBqY_GI

[Shorty]

"Youths!
"There are youths everywhere."
"My tires were stolen by street youths!"
"Stop looking at me like I'm a fat kid riding a bike."
"I had figure skating lessons since I was thirteen, and then my mom sobered up and realized I was a boy."
"You open your mouth and I just hear, 'Cardigan. Cardigan. I am wearing a cardigan.'"
"The economy stinks. Bees are dying. Movies are pretty much all sequels now."
"Does it say, "Share Stuff" in the Constitution of America? No, it does not."
"I can't talk right now, I'm writing a strongly-worded email to my florist."
"Pine has no place in this loft. It's the wood of poor people and outhouses."
"Are you sure you're okay? You're walking like a Disney Witch."
"There's got to be an explanation for this, like he's the Lord of Winterfell."
"She's on a flip phone! That means she's either poor or a time traveler!"

[Parker]

There is a scene in Peep Show where Mark's favourite mug is smashed. His boss comes in and says:

"I'm sorry about your mug, Mark".

However the first time I saw it I was 100% sure he said:

"I'm sorry about your Mark, mug".

I thought it was a subtle joke and that the boss had accidentally swapped the two words without realising it. I thought I was clever for hearing the joke and I laughed and laughed because, well, Mark is a big of a mug.

Anyway I found out later that I was totally incorrect and now I laugh at a non-funny line that was just part of a conversation.

[Sephex]

Gonna copy paste from TV Tropes, but whatever...

Q: Jean-Luc, it's wonderful to see you! How about a big hug? ... Well don't just stand there, say something.
Picard: GET OUT OF MY CHAIR!

After Q has explained why he's here and vanished again, Picard calls Riker in:
Picard: He wants to do something nice for me.
Riker: I'll alert the crew.

[AssassinDX]

What do you think Marge? All I need is a title. I was thinking along the lines of 'No TV and no beer make Homer something something...'

...Go Crazy?

DON'T MIND IF I DO!!!

[I Took the Red Pill]

"Homer, have you been up all night eating cheese?"

"I think I'm blind."

[metagloria]

Of course we pretend that the show ended after 3 seasons, but what an amazing three seasons they were.

I have bad news for you. Every season of Family Guy is funny.

The show that probably gets me the most consistently is 30 Rock. Tracy Jordan is gold.

[I Took the Red Pill]

I have bad news for you. Every season of Family Guy is funny.
I'll respond to you the only way I know how.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7R6_Chr2vro

[DK]

"Aaaah!" - Jazz

[Psychotic]

It's Always Sunny is always amazing.

Here's a confession: I'm in love with a man. What? I'm in love with a man. A man called God. Does that make me gay? Am I gay for God? You betcha!

Cannibalism? Racism? Dude that's not for us...those decisions are better left to the suits in Washington. We're just here to eat some dude.

Hi. Um, I'm a recovering crackhead. This is my retarded sister that I take care of. I'd like some welfare, please.

Oh, get a job? Just get a job? Why don't I strap on my job helmet and squeeze down into a job cannon and fire off into job land, where jobs grow on job-ees?

Cat in the wall, eh?! Okay, now you're talking my language.

The absolute best though:
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[McLovin']

http://i.imgur.com/5ChWA.jpg

[Del Murder]

This isn't from a TV show but: "Don't taze me bro!"

[metagloria]

An all-time classic:

acRnigpauiE

[Loony BoB]

Relevant for the first one: "Scotty" is the name of the female opposition attorney, an ex of Harvey (Harvey being the guy in the video).
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[Christmas]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-jQCbqckLOs

[Pumpkin]

I thought of another Friends one! (Its my favourite show :3:)

At one point, everyone but Ross and Rachel were trapped in Monica's room because Ross and Rachel were arguing and they didn't want to come out when it was so intense.

So later in the series, Chandler and Joey end up in the room again, and Joey has a box of things stored in there in case they get trapped again. Chandler looks through it and sees condoms

Chandler: Condoms?
Joey: We don't know how long we're going to be in here. We might have to repopulate the earth!
Chandler: And condoms are the way to do that?

[KentaRawr!]

Laugh tracks. :monster: