2016-17 English Football Season Thread

[Psychotic]

But Jamie Vardy is a Brave English Lion and used to play non league football so it's okay.

[Bubba]

Jamie Vardy is a scumbag who had one lucky season.

[Psychotic]

http://www.football365.com/news/mourinho-united-will-probably-lose-at-boro

Question for Manchester United fans of Eyes on: How does this trout make you feel? It would smurfing piss me right off. I'm pissed off on your behalf and it's not even my club. Even putting aside his tinfoil hat conspiracies, we're going to lose to Middlesbrough? Bloody hell. I have no love for United but that's an insult to a huge club like that. Shades of Davey Moyes or Roy "League Two Northampton Town will be a formidable challenge" Hodgson.

[Bubba]

Nope, not on at all. Not what I want to hear from my manager.

It reminds me of the sh*t that Moyes used to say. "We come here as second-favourites" Even if that were true you don't say that as manager of Man Utd or any big club.

imagine the players hearing their manager say "we'll probably lose on Sunday"... that will fill the starting eleven with confidence.

[Psychotic]

I'm also reminded of Alexis Sanchez and how he's pissed off at how he's having to carry Arsenal's bottlers every week. Does someone like Zlatan think "smurf me, I don't want to settle for a club who settles for losing to a team in the relegation zone"?

Also, Atletico were the last team I wanted Leicester to get! Their infamously tight defence is the paper to Leicester's rock. The fairytale ends here, although it's been a hell of a ride. Also I'm going to sound a bit football hipster here but Monaco vs Dortmund sounds smurfing tasty. No quiet 0-0 there, methinks.

feel free to quote me when leicester win and Monaco - Dortmund is indeed a 0-0 snoozefest and call me a know nothing bell end.

[Loony BoB]

When I see articles like that from my team's manager I don't even read them. It's honestly not something that should ever be done.

[Bubba]

So it's March. How are the Arsenal doing? Ah yes, of course...

[Psychotic]

The smurfers are still going to go on an unbeaten run for the rest of the season to deny us (and your boys unless you can win the UEL) fourth now that the pressure is off them, you just watch.

[Bubba]

No-one is denying us. We've had sixth place in the bag for months now. It's ours.

[Psychotic]

No-one is denying us. We've had sixth place in the bag for months now. It's ours.You were saying? :p

[Bubba]

Eh, three games in hand.

[Loony BoB]

Don't even need sixth tbh, we're already assured of European football next season.

[Psychotic]

No-one is denying us. We've had sixth place in the bag for months now. It's ours.YOU WERE SAYING :p

[Bubba]

No-one is denying us. We've had sixth place in the bag for months now. It's ours.YOU WERE SAYING :p

:shobon:

[Bubba]

That was a cracking game. I thoroughly enjoyed Llalana's Ronnie Rosenthal impression.

[Psychotic]

I say it twice a year but Liverpool v Man City is the best fixture in the league. Also that was more of a 2012 vintage Torres than a Rocket Ronnie!

[Cell]

I say it twice a year but Liverpool v Man City is the best fixture in the league. Also that was more of a 2012 vintage Torres than a Rocket Ronnie!

Defending is a theoretical concept for both sides.

[Psychotic]

I'm sad we lost the Davie Moyes chat but now we can pick on my other favourite football thread victim: Jesse Lingard. 100k a week? What? As it's Premier League football and the amounts are stupid anyway, what I mean is that this is insane relative to other footballers. Christian Eriksen, for example, is on 75k.

[Bubba]

Jesse Lingard is not good. Well, he's OK. Not 100K a week OK though.

Also, glad to see my team pushing on to grab this 6th place spot. It's well within our grasp now.

[Psychotic]

You wish. It's Liverpool's. The collapse is here! I like Jurgen Klopp but he has that Wengeresque quality of stubbornness that Pep Guardiola also has. He wants to do things his way and doesn't like to deviate from it, and so things like game changing tactical shifts and substitutions just don't happen. I also think he's tried to stick to his principles when it comes to the transfer market and that's left us with a paper thin squad. Outside of the sublime Firmino - Coutinho - Mane axis, of which one of them always seems to be injured or unavailable, our back ups are either playing a striker out on the wing or else a pair of 17 year old Welsh lads.

17 year old Welsh lads who both randomly got called up for the full Welsh national team and you don't see Old Manus having a moan about them like he did Raheem Sterling, by the way. :colbert:

[Bubba]

Our run-in is horrible. We've got Spurs and Arsenal away in our last three matches. Not to mention our rescheduled derby at the Etihad. I think Liverpool have played a lot of their tough matches. Not that it matters when it comes to Liverpool, I suppose!

[Psychotic]

Yeah, seriously. I'd rather face United and Spurs than Crystal Palace and Hull.

[Old Manus]

So much sport this weekend. It is also my first cricket pre-season friendly (who on earth decided that cricket in early April should be a thing). I'm trying to push all memories of what happened at a football stadium in Morfa the other night out of my mind by spending as much time as possible this weekend on the sofa watching the golf and the gee-gees.

e:

17 year old Welsh lads who both randomly got called up for the full Welsh national team and you don't see Old Manus having a moan about them like he did Raheem Sterling, by the way. My Dyer > Sterling comment was probably my greatest contribution to the football thread canon and we are all better for it :colbert:

[Psychotic]

I don't even know how long ago the Dyer > Sterling debate was and yet here we are. Premier League champion Nathan Dyer and £50m Raheem Sterling. What a time to be alive.

Speaking of Gee-Gees, I've got Pleasant Company (16/1) in my work sweeps and I'm not too displeased about that.

[Bubba]

I'm not sure which one I drew in our sweepstakes.

Probably One Way Ticket to the Glue Factory at 3000-1.

[Old Manus]

Moyes is such a fraud.

[Psychotic]

Picture the scene: Arsene Wenger and Sam Allardyce casually enjoying a sauna together. Then, just because he can, Big Sam gets up, strides over to Wenger and after seizing a handful of his hair, proceeds to vigorously rub the Frenchman's face into his sweaty, heaving man boobs.

[Formalhaut]

That's a great image to go to bed with.

[Cell]

Sounds like something you'd read on a fanfiction website.

[Psychotic]

And yet it is no work of fiction, for it occurred on the pitch at Selhust Park last night.

[Old Manus]

As much as Mr. Mckenzie is a thoroughly unpleasant bloke and should find a new profession, race hate? Really? I'm sure I've got an African ancestor somewhere down the line.

[Old Manus]

Also currently in a pub in Watford. I'm 4 wins out of my last 5 Swansea games so I guess now is as good a time as any to use my good luck. Double posting because the mobile view on this forum is knackered.

[Bubba]

Nah, you'll get battered at Watford. Enjoy your two-hours of live misery. I reckon City will be soundly beaten by the Saints as well in the late kick off!

I'm actually quite looking forward to the big Old Trafford showdown tomorrow. I'm expecting us to play really well, not score, get a man sent off then lose 1-0 to a Kante daisy-cutter.

[Psychotic]

As much as Mr. Mckenzie is a thoroughly unpleasant bloke and should find a new profession, race hate? Really? I'm sure I've got an African ancestor somewhere down the line.Yeah, I think it's tenuous to get him on that of all the genuinely terrible trout he's said over the years. Hillsborough is the most infamous, but he also openly wrote that it was impossible for heterosexuals to get AIDS and that anyone saying the opposite was producing gay propaganda. In a national smurfing newspaper. Although I guess the word newspaper is a strong word to describe the Sun. So yeah while I think it's a weird thing to pull him up on, my reaction to him being in hot water over it is this

O3fzwY8xTzs

[Old Manus]

I suppose it's like Al Capone. Get the bastard up on something, as long as he gets what he deserves

[Bubba]

Also currently in a pub in Watford. I'm 4 wins out of my last 5 Swansea games so I guess now is as good a time as any to use my good luck.

Looked like one hell of a game.

Forgive me though if I don't stay up till midnight to watch your highlights on Match of the Day.

[Formalhaut]

I suppose it's like Al Capone. Get the bastard up on something, as long as he gets what he deserves

Yeah, I was thinking the Capone analogy as well.

[Old Manus]

ffs. wank wank wank wank

leroy explain yourself please

[Bubba]

No Ibra, no Henrik. Mourhino making his priorities clear.

I agree completely. It's Europa League or bust for us now. We've got a great chance of winning it too.

Hope we can grind out a draw today though.

[Psychotic]

Hope we can grind out a draw today though.That's not going very well so far, is it?

[Psychotic]

Hope we can grind out a draw today though.That's not going very well so far, is it?Dear oh dear, from bad to worse. Maybe something will change but I'm sorry Bubba, looks like that draw is not on the cards.

[Bubba]

Hope we can grind out a draw today though.That's not going very well so far, is it?

Nope, disgraceful performance. I was really hoping we could consolidate our position as draw specialists. Now we've gone and ruined it.

Awful.

[Psychotic]

Moyes is such a fraud.I love putting the boot into old Moyes. http://www.football365.com/news/premier-league-manager-spending-the-statistics

Mark Hughes is awful too while we're at it.

[Cell]

West Ham, about the only team Sunderland can get a point off.

Sigh.

[Bubba]

What a lovely day of football!

Big Ben chimes again!

[Psychotic]

Still don't think he got a fair crack of the whip at LFC. Reap what you sow.

[Iceglow]

Well it's looking like I'm going to win my bet with my mate over the who will finish higher this season Spurs or Man Utd (bet was made on last day of the season last year. My friend was very certain Mourhino was going to make all the difference for Utd).

Probably go down the local pub on Weds for Spurs v Crystal Palace but I won't be having a beer with that as I am on anti-biotics so depends on what channel it is on and what the lads are thinking.

[Bubba]

El Classico has topped off a perfect day of football.

[Psychotic]

You think an away win at Burnley is a perfect day? Talk about low standards :p

[Bubba]

An away win anywhere is a good result but a City loss, a Liverpool loss and a five-goal El Classico thriller = perfect day :)

[Old Manus]

For God's sake stop making me want to believe

[Bubba]

Dominant first half from us. Should be four or five, not one. Swansea just haven't turned up.

Also, Fabianski should be off for that. Penalty and a red card.

[Loony BoB]

Hmm.

71976

Every game is gonna count at this point. City and Liverpool should, on paper, come out on top, especially City with their three home games. But hey, Premier League, bugger knows what'll happen. The game between Arsenal and United will pretty much determined which of them has a snowball's chance at top four of the two sides, I'd say.

[Psychotic]

I would put money on all four teams losing/drawing their remaining fixtures, such is my confidence in their love of utterly buggering everything up.

[Iceglow]

I'm guessing you left Spurs of the list as you're presuming a Chelsea. Spurs 1 - 2 result is all but guaranteed?

Must say our run out is bloody tough tbh (Spurs) but I think we've got it down

[Loony BoB]

I'm not saying I'm assuming a 1-2 with Chelsea-Spurs, but I'm assuming Spurs don't screw up to the point that they also don't get spot #3 or #4. But in all likelihood it will be Spurs & Chelsea in the top couple of spots, they'd have to drop points in at least three of their four games to go below that, I think.

[Psychotic]

What in the actual name of fuck was that? Goal of the forever and it came from Lucas and Can? Bloody hell. We're in four horseman territory.

[Old Manus]

71984

[Psychotic]

I call this the fuck manus prediction: Liverpool top four, Swansea relegated. Oh, and Middlesbrough top 10. I know how much he hates boro.oh god oh god it's all on the line except WHY MIDDLESBROUGH you IDIOT

[Old Manus]

So it's come to this

Beat Hull to stay in the football league in 2003

Now beat Hull (via Sunderland and W Brom) to stay in the Premier League

I believe in Leon

[Old Manus]

BIG SAM

[Formalhaut]

So Chelsea are Champions then with three games to spare! I mean after a certain point they were the firm favourites. Apparently Conte is getting a pay rise. Kante gets a second title.

Also on the poll I voted for Chelsea to win so I get that, I guess. Do I win something?

[Psychotic]

Depends. When did you vote on that poll? Last week...?

[Bubba]

Glad to see we finally cemented that sixth place finish. I was getting worried.

Now I just have to suffer two more home draws before our make-or-break game in Stockholm.

[Psychotic]

Now that the Premier League is pointless barring the inevitable lasagne attack at Anfield, I want to big up Dirk Kuyt. Scoring a hat trick at age 36 in the last game of his career to win his beloved Feyenoord their first league title in nearly 20 years. What a wonderful story. He's like an actual Roy of the Rovers but twice as good looking. And the thing is, he's not all that great at football. He just puts his head down and works really, really hard, and is a genuinely lovely bloke who does a hell of a lot for charity.

Summary: If you don't love Dirk Kuyt you're a rubbish human being and you should just climb into the nearest bin.

[Bubba]

Dirk :bou::bou::bou::bou:

[Psychotic]

Look, he didn't mean to score that hat trick against you. It just sort of happened.

[Psychotic]

I call this the fuck manus prediction: Liverpool top four, Swansea relegated. Oh, and Middlesbrough top 10. I know how much he hates boro.Huh, one out of three. Which is basically how many of Ozil, Sanchez and Wenger are going to be at Arsenal next season.

[Formalhaut]

I actually have no idea when I did the poll :p Either way I was joking.

Not sure where Arsenal will be next season. Will Wenger stay? That question's been hovering over Arsenal like a Damocles Sword the last few years.

[Old Manus]

It's not spot fixing when it's EBJT :shobon:

Also 15th place finish, going through three managers (only club to do so without being relegated?) including the absolutely shocking Brad Bobley who is hereby banned from these shores forever more, the Most Anonymous Club Record Signing Of All Time, half the board being accused of corruption, our captain being sold without a replacement, and being in the relegation zone for virtually the whole season? Yes please. The only thing that could have made the last day better would have been Liverpool finishing 5th.

[Psychotic]

The only thing that could have made the last day better would have been Liverpool finishing 5th.What why :colbert:

Like, I mean you obviously have the "ha ha Liverpool" aspect but I mean Arsenal fans are just as if not even more unhinged, and it's not as if there's been a lack of chances to mock Liverpool for no Champions League qualification over the past 8 years or so.

[Old Manus]

Some might say it was just to get a reaction...

[Psychotic]

What's wrong with just saying "Psychotic I'm feeling kind of lonely and would like a talk?"

[Rocket Edge]

I'm happy Liverpool got top 4 instead of Arsenal. The difference being they'll actually trouble the top teams in the CL and I look forward to seeing them.

Massive congrats to The Captain for winning the EoFF League in FPL. I had a shocking season finishing well down. I couldn't complete 'La Decima'. :cry:

[Psychotic]

Just this once, in light of the terrible business this week, I will wish United well in the game tonight. As much as I love seeing Mourinho fail, some things are more important and I'm sure it'd give the city a much needed boost.

[Formalhaut]

Congrats Man United! Well deserved victory.

[FFNut]

My Spurs killed it this year, I am proud of them.

[Psychotic]

Congratulations Manchester United. Now get back to being the face of true and pure evil in English football. Ta. ;)

[Bubba]

72243

[Psychotic]

Imagine Arsene Wenger dressed in a blue caterpillar coat stamping on Piers Morgan's head forever.

[Bubba]

This is the most joyous of news

[Rocket Edge]

Arsene Wenger is the ultimate troll. I love him!

[Psychotic]

Guess what part of the country the England team is based? As a random fun fact for you all, I recently discovered one of my coworkers' mother-in-law works for the FA and sews the England badges onto their M&S suits. She has promised to bring us some spare ones in. I don't really know what I'd do with one but there you are.
As an update to this, I have received over the past few months an England badge, an England pen, an England notebook and as of today I now have an England tie.

http://alfredbrown.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/MS-Menswear-England-Football-Team-Suit-2.jpg

Of the three in the photo, it's the one Ross Barkley is sporting. It's actually pretty smurfing wearable (No England logos or anything), and is really nice fine silk quality too.

To think, it might have almost adorned the neck of Fraser Forster or Jesse Lingard and has instead ended up with me. How smurfing gutted would you be when you catch up with your old mates at the tie school reunion and they're talking about how they got Harry Kane or Adam Lallana and got to go to Euro 2016, and you have to admit you got some stupid twat from the Midlands who posts on a Final Fantasy board. Oh well, at least I've never lost to Iceland.

[Loony BoB]

Guy looks like a goddam zombie in this pic. Are we due the next thread yet? I forget when we do that.

73037

[Psychotic]

Ah give it another week or two then we can have a new one. Still transfer bollocks season right now.

[The Captain]

Liverpool must keep Coutinho at all costs. Even if Neymar leaves, Liverpool losing their best player with the season rapidly approaching would be a hammer blow to the squad. Overall, I'm a little mixed on the business. While I think we're pretty firm in attack, we still need to sign a top central defender. If VvD is really going to force his way off of Southampton, then Liverpool must pony up the funds for him. Otherwise, the team could be very strong and has a bit more depth. Still I think it's lacking that truly elite attacker, especially if Coutinho is moving to central midfield.

A fit Mane along Salah and Firmino upfront is strong and if Sturridge or Origi or even the new English kid could find some consistency I think we'll still score goals in bunches. Midfield seems deep if Hendo is over his injury and Can continues to progress. I think Lallana and Coutinho are the surest bets to start but goaltender and the defense still seems very iffy.

I think the team overall is much the same as last year, though if we shore up the defensive side, I like our chances of a repeat Top 4 place.

Also, are PSG even rich enough to afford throwing all this money around?

Take care all.

[Loony BoB]

We've had the Community Shield and we're still sitting in the 2016-17 thread? Nope. No sir. None of this. I'm starting a new one.

[Psychotic]

My bad we already had a thread I just posted in the wrong one!