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wuruzvpstraffic
07-21-2017, 12:30 AM
Greg was sweating profusely. If the next roll of his dice wouldn't soak the arm pits of his shirt the obvious flirting from Dana, the DM's sister, would do the job quite adequately.

Greg (inner thoughts): I mean, look at this. She said hi to me. She brushed against me a bit when we passed in the hall. She is totally into me! I have to make this move tonight! Jon's campaign is almost over! It will be another couple of weeks until I can see Dana after tonight!

Jon: Dude, it's your turn. Duuuuuuude! DUDE!

Greg: Huh--What?!

Jon: Dude, if you keep creeping Dana out you're automatically dead out of principle. I was going to wait until after the game to talk to you, but your awkward ass is ruining the vibe.

Greg: N-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-o!!! No! It's not that!

Jon: Dude, you're pitching a tent right now.

Greg: No! I never said my character did anything of the sort! Why would I do that in a DUNGEON?! You wouldn't allow that anyway.

Jon: Dude, look down.

Greg (inner thoughts): No, it's been detected! The Dragon is breaking out of the holds! I have to think fast!

Greg: O-o-oh t-that?! I, uh, have a condition!

Dana: JUST ADMIT YOU WERE UNDRESSING ME WITH YOUR EYES YOU PERV!

Greg: N-n-n-o! M-my blood gets...um.....uh.......hm.....erm......horny! Yeah, horny! The thing literally has a mind of its own!! It's not me! It's not me!

EVERYONE: WHAT?!

Greg: Y-y-yeah, you see when I was a child, I ran into a door at an awkward angle. My mom scream when she saw the sight of my--

Dana: OHMYGODJUSTGETOUTOFHEREYOUWEIRDO!!!

Jon: Dude, I can't even look you in the eye. Brian, you said Greg wouldn't get too weird. I'd say this is weird. Brian, dude, this is weird. Weird, dude. Weird, Brian.

Brian: C'mon no one would have seen this com-- Greg, damn it, what the hell is wrong with you?! Look, you need to see someone, man. This is just sad.

Greg: What? No! Come on, Keith I told you about this before! B-back me up!

Keith: Um...to be honest...Greg...I was just being nice. And you seemed like a good guy despite your awkwardness. I thought you were just making a weird joke, really. This is too much. Dana is a nice girl, but you need to learn how to respect women. They aren't objects. you should know better by now, even if you're smack dab in the middle of high school.

*Brian dabs*

*Jon smacks Brian in the back of the head*

*Jon dabs*

Jon: Look *cough* I don't know how I'm so calm about this, dude. But you need to get out of here before that changes, man. Dude, just leave.

Greg: N-no! Really! I can show yo--

DANA: OHHH!!! OHHHH!!! YOU LITTLE CREEP!!! AUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!

Brian: Greg! Have you lost any sense of decency?!

*Brian and Keith tackle Greg before the Dragon is unleashed*

Greg: No! I'm sorry! I need to do this! I need--

Greg felt and intense amount of pain very briefly before the darkness of his unconscious mind and body consumed him. What felt like both hours and moments later, Greg found himself awake right outside Jon and Dana's house. It was very late and the more the fog cleared from his head, the more he felt the mosquito bites at one with the humidity on a simmering summer night.

A note was attached to Greg's chest. Groggily, Greg plucked it off his chest and read the note:

"If you come back inside or even knock, Jon actually might kill you. Leave. Don't talk to any of us ever again."

Sadly, Greg got up and began to walk home.

Greg: Just fantastic. Why? Why does this always happen?!

Dragon: MUWAHH HA HA! THE CURSE WILL ALWAYS BE WITH YOU, BOY! THE MORE YOU TRY TO TELL PEOPLE ABOUT ME, THE MORE YOUR LIFE WILL FALL APART! THAT IS THE WAY OF [unpronounceable language]

Greeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeg: Sopt youe ar bendin g r ea li ty ag aisn!

Dragon: THEN MIND YOUR TONE, BOY!!

Greg: I suppose this is what I deserve for cheating on my wiafu.

Dragon: THE CURSE SHALL LIVE ON FOR ALL ETERNITY!!!!

Sephex
07-21-2017, 02:32 AM
...go on.

Del Murder
07-21-2017, 02:46 AM
wuruzvpstraffic for Best Writer! Can't wait for volume 23!

Darth Ganon
07-21-2017, 05:56 AM
I came in expecting Manchester United vs. Manchester City. What I got was a roller coaster.

Night Fury
07-21-2017, 06:28 AM
PSZy6lGgOcI

Bubba
07-21-2017, 07:54 AM
As first posts go, this is probably the greatest one I have ever seen. Let's just hope he/she hasn't peaked too soon.

Psychotic
07-21-2017, 08:02 AM
Dude, I'm pitching a tent right now.

Shauna
07-21-2017, 08:48 AM
https://media.tenor.com/images/e00e75865b9a6835fc36f5b12023de0a/tenor.gif

theundeadhero
07-21-2017, 09:13 AM
Damnit Gred!