Describe Crisis Core in 5 sentences or less--GO!

[Team_Wingless]

I've been asked to describe the plotline of Crisis Core to someone whose never played 7 or any Final Fantasy for that matter, and I'm left stammering for five minutes spouting a phone book of text. I can't seem to wrap my mind around how to summarize this. So I issue you guys a challenge. Describe the plot of Final Fantasy Crisis Core in as few sentences as possible. You have one paragraph.

GO!

(Winner gets a cookie :cookie:)

[Wolf Kanno]

Self-indulgent tale where Zack's story is a poorly done homage of the plot of the original game with all the important elements filed off. Jenova and Sephiroth are replaced by Sephiroth's Hot Topic incarnation and a bad poetry spewing, Sephiroth wannabe who happens to be Gackt. Character assassinations, 500 samey missions, and you get to watch Zack beat up Dagon worshipers with an umbrella while playing pachinko. Also, spoiler, Zack dies in the end and nothing that happens in this game matters in the original anyway.

[Team_Wingless]

No cookie for you! :lol:

[Lone Wolf Leonhart]

Loveless, Act V:

Even if the morrow is barren of promises
Nothing shall forestall my return
To become the dew that quenches the land
To spare the sands, the seas, the skies
I offer thee this silent sacrifice

76475

Well, there's 5 sentences. Just recite this to your friend and walk away leaving them none the wiser.

[Team_Wingless]

You sir get a chocolate chip

[Ayen]

Everybody goes crazy.