What's so dignifying about a response, anyway?

[Loony BoB]

I told Raistlin I wouldn't ban him from the EoFF vB3 Beta testing forum because then he'd IM me, which would be even worse. And then he commented on how I don't reply half the time, anyway. To which I responded with my thoughts, which are as follows:


Anyone who has used the internet for more than a year should know that if someone doesn't reply, there's a reason. I think I must be one of the only people who actually uses that 'rule'. Everyone should follow it. If I IM people and they don't reply - there's a reason. They might not want to talk to me, they might be away, they might have a headache, they might be too tired, they might have some kind of issue with their chat program. There are so many reasons, and so long as they don't respond, there's some kind of reason. No point in chatting to someone when they don't feel like it.

This should probably be a thread in EoFF or something. Maybe even an LJ entry? I dunno. But it's still true. I hate having to reply to someone just to tell them that I don't feel like talking and/or can't talk and/or am busy. They always reply again once you tell them. Bastards. Yeah, I think I'll go make this into an LJ entry and a thread now, just to cover all my bases. Lala.

[Red Wizard]

Many times one would appreciate at least knowing what's up when your pal doesn't respond to your IMs. If you think about it, it's the virtual equivalent of someone talking to you while you just stand/sit there completely ignoring them, and I can see how some people don't appreciate that.

I usually assume they're not at the computer and just move on. It's not really important enough to get worked up about, after all.

[Yamaneko]

I'll usually just wait and if nothing is said for a while, I'll just close the window. I do that with everyone except one person. :p

[Agent Proto]

I don't particular care. If no one responds after I send them a message, I just leave them alone until they reply.

Usually, when people message me and I'm away, I'll respond... later. xD

[Loony BoB]

Originally posted by Red Wizard
If you think about it, it's the virtual equivalent of someone talking to you while you just stand/sit there completely ignoring them, and I can see how some people don't appreciate that.
I disagree. I think it's more on par with a friend from down the road walking up to your bedroom door uninvited and knocking, not knowing if you're there or not. But maybe even less personal than that.

In the real world, you choose who you are around. Online, you're there for everyone to see, unless you block people off.

[Linus]

I found your problem.

You don't have Wes blocked.

[Peegee]

Look, just go on away when you are away, okay? If you don't want to be disturbed put an away msg that lies or tells the truth. I don't get what the big problem is -_-

[Del Murder]

If I don't want to talk I don't turn the ims on.

[Bernhard]

I suppose since I usually communicate with people verbally, and not responding when talked to is very rude, I apply the same set of rules to all communication. Stupid? Yeah, probably, but a simple "can't talk right now, bub" doesn't really take that much time to type up. Each to his own, but I've made a thing out of responding no matter what type of comminication it might be. :aimkiss:

[Peegee]

I often find people respond rudely when you 'bother' them, yet they are right there, in ONLINE MODE. So what, am I supposed to MAGICALLY READ YOUR MIND YOU LKSDJFLKASDF WOIEGJWEJG;WOE G;A!!!?!!?!?

Delli Belli's my hero. Unlike the rest of you dorks

[Loony BoB]

No, see, that's part of the problem. People are still offended when I don't respond while my away message is already up. They see me in EoFF or something (and sometimes that's at work and I'm not even on AIM there) and they expect me to say something merely because they know I'm online at all.

And if I come off my away message and am chatting to someone - for example, Yams, when I chatted to him about stuff yesterday - other people IM me. I don't really like chatting to many people at once most of the time, and they're offended when I tell them that I'm too busy to talk to them.

I just don't understand why people get upset if I don't respond. If someone doesn't respond, there is a reason. They might have accidentally closed your window, your message might not have gone through, they might be chatting to someone else and be too stressed to explain themselves (whenever I explain myself, they always continue chatting, and then they get offended when I stop responding. I don't understand that at all)... there are so many reasons. "Maybe he doesn't think I deserve a response, maybe he thinks I'm stupid!" Maybe? So what? If it's a reason, it's a reason. I don't think many people are stupid and I tend to respond to most IM's I get when I'm not on away - but if people are going to get offended... well, I just don't get it.

And I changed my mind about that "knocking on the door" thing. IM's are more like phonecalls. Comparing the online world to the real world isn't really right. When you phone someone, they might be there, they might not. If they are and they don't answer, there's a reason. I think people who get upset about that should know better, too.

EDIT: And regarding the "ONLINE MODE" thing - So? I'm online 24/7 (unless my connection goes crappy). It's a messaging service. Instant, even. It's not an instant response service. You choose when you respond. Just like emails, only much faster and simpler. For me, AIM is much like a telephone with an answering machine where you can leave a message.

[Meow]

i agree. AIM culture is not the same as real life; for me it's conversations are neither as pressing nor as structured. i won't ignore people if they message me and i have the ability to message them back, but i never treat it the same way as i would a face-to-face talk. Oftentimes my AIM interactions are about quick little exchanges, usually more humorous than anything else, and even "serious" talks are hardly equivalent to their "offline" counterparts. Slow, written message-me-message-you AIM conversation structure just doesn't lend itself to that.

i wouldn't even compare AIM to phonecalls. It's more like socially flavored present tense Post-it noting.

[Bernhard]

AIM should just make use of the handy invisibility function. That way you can talk to anyone you want yet not be bothered by others. It's probably not that damn hard to implement. Not to mention the ability to IM an offline user. Two things (the only things?) that ICQ does right. Pretty stellar actually.

[Del Murder]

Yahoo is infinitely better than aim in those respects but not enough people use it.

[Mikztsu]

Yes, plus Y!M ( and MSN) a has invisibility, you can chat while you're "away" in it too,; unlike on AIM. That's why I use MSN mostly these days.

[Red Wizard]

Originally posted by Del Murder
If I don't want to talk I don't turn the ims on. Exactly. Having you IM client open and not away is telling people that you are online and at least available to talk to.

Originally posted by BernhardAIM should just make use of the handy invisibility function. That way you can talk to anyone you want yet not be bothered by others. It's probably not that damn hard to implement. Not to mention the ability to IM an offline user. Two things (the only things?) that ICQ does right. Pretty stellar actuallyTrillian adds that functionality to AIM. DeadAIM and GAIM might do so as well, I haven't checked.

[Peegee]

People who get offended when YOU HAVE AN AWAY MESSAGE UP are stupid imho. Give us names so we can like um...judge them. No I jest. Anyway, the 'constantly being bombarded by messages because you wanted to talk to one person' is annoying. I typically try to tell a person to slow down, especially when I'm hectic-ly thinking of something and can't entertain a shallow convo, but it usually doesn't work. That's what the block/ignore button's for.

*nod*

[Mr. Graves]

If I see an away message, I take the hint and assume they're busy. I don't expect anyone's time on any messanger, as I've said before. If I IM you and you really don't feel like chatting to me, telling me so would do much better than keep talking to me out of respect for my feelings.

[Thunday Man]

I usually just don't respond to 80% of the people who IM me =p

[Rainecloud]

If you have an 'away' message on your instant messenger, then fair enough. If you don't have an away message, I consider it to be rude, ignorant and inconsiderate when people don't bother replying to those who want to talk to them. Not putting yourself in 'away' mode when in actual fact you are away is a prime example of how not to use instant messenger programs. Also, think of how someone would react in real life. If you said 'hello' to your workmate, and he/she completely ignored you without making any response whatsoever, you'd be quite upset - wouldn't you? It's just as rude to do this in Internet conversations, in my opinion.

[Thunday Man]

Lol, I blow my friends off as they say hi to me in the halls all the time. =D

And i always view it as MESSAGING. Like, leave a MESSAGE ill get back to you. Its in internet answering machine for me. Like most people i know don't call people back when they get a message on their answering machine.

[Xander]

If people don't respond to me on a PM or IM, I usually just guess that they are busy or away or something, so I might wait a while then just close the window and stop trying to chat. The silly thing about the "Away" status, I've found on MSN anyway, is that people will still message me, then become offended or something that I don't reply, even though I say I'm away. I'm sure some people don't seem to get what "Away" means.

I wouldn't be too offended about people not responding to my pms either, however if I pmed somebody and saw that they had read it and been online here loads since then, I would be a little put off. Sometimes I pm people to compliment them on their signature or website or something, and if they are around here anyway, I don't think it would hurt them just to say thank you or something.

But still, we all have busy lives, I often forget to respond to people or if I'm very busy or upset or something and somebody is IMing me, I might just not respond, even without an "Away" sign on. I do try and use Away or Busy statuses though. But hey, it's just the net, and I've got used to this sorta thing now.

[Leeza]

I mostly only use MSN because I can see the window pop up when I get mail. I have myself on Away most of the time. This means that I'm not at the computer or I'm too busy with something else to talk at the moment. If someone IM's me while this message is up, I just get back to them whenever I get back to the computer or I have time. It doesn't mean that I don't want to talk...it just means that I'm not there or I'm too busy. If I didn't ever want to talk to anyone I would put it on the Invisible/Offline mode. Anyone who gets upset when they try to have a conversation with someone when they're busy is being a bit silly, in my opinion. Sometimes, though, MSN will switch the message over to ONLINE without me knowing about it. This is the one problem that I have with MSN.

[Garland]

There's no need to even turn on an instant messanging system if you won't be around to answer it. That's my philosophy. If I don't want to chat on AIM, I don't turn it on. Being "available" means just that. You're telling people that you're around to chat. Not answering IM's is telling people that you're around to chat, but just not to them. If you set an "away" message, then that changes everything. I only have problems with people who are "available" which tells me that they're at the comp ready to chat, that don't respond.

[eestlinc]

anyone who gets offended over anything involving instant messengers and who responds to whom needs to get out of the house more often and get over it. Unless it's your girlfriend/brother/parole officer, there's no reasonable expectation for response. if you send messages every day and never get a response, maybe you should catch a clue.

[*ETERNAL FANTASY*]

personally i just give the person a reply to say im goin or im busy....no problem wont take long....and if they respond back u not need to worry cause they know where u goin.....

[Meat Puppet]

I wish people would IM me.

[crono_logical]

I'm too lazy to turn on/off the idle/away/whatever mode all the time, so just leave it on :p

[Peegee]

Hence why I never message Guu -- I never know when [gender removed to add to confusion]'s online anyway. So instead of leaving a message I just post in the help forum. [opposite gender than before used here to really confuse people] will probably answer me anyway.

[Del Murder]

The Help Forum should be renamed the Guu Forum.

[Peegee]

Bring back b!

[escobert]

If I leave my computer 99.9% oif the time i put a away thingy up. not that anyone beside PP IMs me anyways

[The Man]

Originally posted by Del Murder
The Help Forum should be renamed the Guu Forum. Yes.

If I forget to put an away message up when I leave, Trillian automatically marks me as away after about five minutes. It's handy.

I can understand why not getting a response when someone's not marked as away, that could be upsetting, but it's a bit ridiculous to expect someone to do respond immediately, even though it's "instant" messaging. People have to leave the computer for a couple of minutes and can't be arsed putting up away messages (lots of people do that), or they take a long time deciding what they're going to say and/or write a lot each time they send an IM so it takes them lots of time to type it (Kishi does that, or at least did the last time I had a serious conversation with him; I'm sure there's other people who do that, too, but none of them stand out as much in my mind). It's all good. People seriously do need to chill out some.

If I'm having too many IM convos going on at once to do anything with any of them (a common occurrence), I'll tell people that. They usually understand. The ones who don't usually end up blocked.