View Full Version : what do i do

03-11-2004, 09:15 PM
right heres the watered down situation, A wants B to stop smoking a certain drug begining with "W". B will not (as far as i know) stop and one time that B sed B was going to B went behind A's back to do it. A will not let B smoke this drug and has confiscated some of the aformentioned drug. A and B are going out and dont want to end the relationship but dont know wat to do?

Flying Mullet
03-11-2004, 09:20 PM
Well if it's that important that you, I mean "A", really want "B" to stop smoking, then A will need to make an ultimatum. Eventually you will have to decide between B and your beliefs if B won't stop smoking.

Dr Unne
03-11-2004, 09:26 PM
If my significant other lied to my face about anything, I'd dump her and find someone who isn't a liar. If my significant other liked drugs more than she liked me, I'd dump her and find someone who isn't a moron.

03-11-2004, 09:26 PM
just break up. it's not like you are going to get married.

Flying Mullet
03-11-2004, 09:27 PM
Moral of the story kids: <i>Dr. Unne doesn't date morons.</i>

Originally posted by eestlinc
just break up. it's not like you are going to get married.
Plus, even if you did, they couldn't have kids from smoking all of the W, so what's the point?

03-11-2004, 09:30 PM
so ur best solution is to just flat break up with her? that is the final bacl up ooption that i dont want to do.

Flying Mullet
03-11-2004, 09:31 PM
Well she lied to you, "cheated" on you (with W) and isn't willing to change. It's a tough situation but is it a good one and is it worth it?

03-11-2004, 09:34 PM
the way she makes me feel (very good) is a good eno8ugh reason i think thats why im actually asking not just dumping her. she dint actually go through with the behind my back bit, she was going to but i caught her, well she sent a text the my fone that wont for me, but i see what u mean, but htats not wat i wanna do.

Flying Mullet
03-11-2004, 09:36 PM
Well just because you caught her before she did it doesn't make it any better. That's like walking in on her with another guy as they are getting naked and are going to get busy, but because you caught her before the dirty deed, it's not a bad thing.

03-11-2004, 09:39 PM
hey sex with someone else is different to smoking W. behind my back. i know it dont make it any better, but i..we need a realistic conclusion that doesn't include breakng up.

Flying Mullet
03-11-2004, 09:41 PM
why isn't breaking up realistic? Obviously you don't mean much to her if she smokes weed behind your back after you asked her not to. If you mean a lot to her then she would have not smoked or told you that smoking it means a lot to her and discussed why. By going behind your back it says that she told you what you wanted to hear to avoid the problem because she doesn't care if she hurts your feelings or not.

03-11-2004, 09:44 PM
thats unfair, we have talked about this and the reason she did it was she saw it as a less painful option on my part becasue i dint know, i konw this isn't exactly the best thing to do but i se where she's comming from. breackin up aint realistic becasue i dont want to break up with her because she means a lot to me. the other thing is i feel like im in he wrong becasue im stopping her from doing sumthing that she wants to do.

Dr Unne
03-11-2004, 09:45 PM
If breaking up is completely out of the question, you have to live with her and her drug habits. You can't change people if they don't want to change. You either love someone for who they are or you don't. If you love someone not for who they are but for who they potentially can be, you're in love with someone that doesn't exist except in your own mind. It's your choice whether you feel like being with someone who lies to you and acts like an idiot. Think with your mind, not with your feelings.

03-11-2004, 09:45 PM
B + W = Bad.
A + B + W = Bad.
A - (B + W) = Good.

Flying Mullet
03-11-2004, 09:47 PM
You need to sit down and have a real good heart-to-heart chat with her then. Obviously this is an important issue to both of you, and it's not going to go anywhere, so you need to discuss it now or you're going to keep getting hurt, no matter her reasons or intentions for why she's doing what she does. Sadly, it might come to you choosing her drug habit or breaking up, as Dr. Unne said. And I know that this next statement is well-used, but there are other fish in the sea. You will meet another girl that you will like just as much, if not better, than your present girl.

03-11-2004, 09:50 PM
u may be right about that but....thats what i'l try meet on the park (private spot we'v found on there) and talk to her about it, as yet we haven't talked about it face to face yet, so that seems the best plan of action for now. i was just wondering if anyone could see any other option that we couldn't see that wasn't breaking up.

Flying Mullet
03-11-2004, 09:54 PM
Unfotunately there really aren't any more realistic options. Eventually you have to face your problems head on or they'll just tear you up inside.

03-11-2004, 10:22 PM
B decides to sit and read about people talking about her over the internet.......... B has a name and doesnt have a drug problem, B is annoyed....... & guilty at the same time

Zell's Fists of Fury
03-11-2004, 11:01 PM
Walrus tusks?
Wally World?

I'm lost.

03-11-2004, 11:07 PM
A should lay off of B. If B has to stop smoking W, then maybe B should make A stop watching TV or eating at Mc Donald's or whatever makes A happy.

Or maybe A could start smoking C instead. ;)

03-12-2004, 12:15 AM
Originally posted by blue_midget192
the other thing is i feel like im in he wrong becasue im stopping her from doing sumthing that she wants to do.

Booyah. You just hit the nail on the head, there, A. Hi. I'm C. I occasionally relax with my friends and some W. It's a surprisingly high percentage of the population that hangs out with W, and a surprisingly low percentage of them are deadbeat drug addicts. Yeah, kills some brain cells. So does alcohol. So does reality TV. I have a few extras to spare anyway. I get good marks in school, I'm responsible, and I'm not *arfing* up my life.

Besides, early in my relationship with D, she wanted me, C, to smoke less or stop. I didn't see much of a reason to, or I just didn't want to. I tried to explain this to her. She didn't like it at first, but then she realized that my decisions are my own to make. And she loves me. And W bears no weight in the face of love.

Besides, she eventually realized something else: It's just weed. It's not crack. It's barely harmful to the individual unless abused frequently. It's a RECREATIONAL drug--and barely a drug compared to the rest of the substances in the same category, which I never touch. And alcohol and tobacco (which are LEGAL and GOVERNMENT TAXED) are much, MUCH worse.

People have a hard time understanding this, simply because "illegal" must always mean "bad": IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL. Get over it.


Do NOT try to avoid the swear filter. --Unne

EDIT: I didn't know there was a swear filter. We're more or less adults here, I thought the infrequent swear word, when used appropriately, could be tolerated. And I DID use a "*". Oh well. *arfing* works just as well.

03-12-2004, 01:31 AM
If smoking "W" makes B stupid, then A has reason to not want B to smoke "W"....wait why am I doing this crap? If you really don't want her to do it, then give her an ultimatum and stand by it.

03-12-2004, 04:44 AM
Originally posted by Dreamtiger42
B decides to sit and read about people talking about her over the internet.......... B has a name and doesnt have a drug problem, B is annoyed....... & guilty at the same time


03-12-2004, 04:48 AM
Q should talk to W about smoking the Y, and if W doesn't stop the Y smoking they need to have a long hard talk about the Y.

If she's lying, that isn't good. If she's addicted, that isn't good. If she's both, that isn't good.

03-12-2004, 05:20 AM
Originally posted by Moo Moo the Ner Cow
If you really don't want her to do it, then give her an ultimatum and stand by it.

Ultimatums are what turn girls into bitches. And guys into tyrants. And these definitions are interchangeable. An ultimatum causes restrictions directly because of the relationship. This puts stress on the relationship. Even if it survives, there is irreparable damage. This leads to problems down the road.

I enjoy a stress-free relationship. Why? Because we are both free. Neither of us controls the other. You want to give her an ultimatum? You might as well push her down a hole and forget about her. You will not solve anything.


Meat Puppet
03-12-2004, 06:21 AM
My girlfriend threatened me, if I didn't stop. So, I did.
It's easier when you're poor.

03-12-2004, 09:42 PM
B Enters conversation again:

Thanx Ultimate_Sandwich for being so understanding, I don't see it as a big deal! I don't even do it that often, I (B) smoke W maybe once a month, TOPS! and he (A) goes pyscho on me (B)!

He (A) did give me an unltimatium and I (B) got annoyed because it was like him (A) saying that I (B) cant do what I (B) want, its either him (A) or having a bit of fun! (W)

So I (B) saw it best not to argue, choose him (A) and have my bit of fun (W) when he (A) didnt know so that it shudnt bother/ upset him (A)

So basically A & B are trying to sort this out without using the words "Ultimatium" "spilt up" or "push down a hole!"

Anyone (U) got a good suggestion?

Flying Mullet
03-12-2004, 09:47 PM
Well if you both mean a lot to each other then a compromise has to be reached or one of you is going to have to bow to the other's demands. Obvisouly you each have very strong opinions about this. You have to talk this out and see it from the other person's standpoint and be willing to compromise. Relationships are all about compromise. If you go in thinking that you will be the exact same person and do the exact same things that you do on your own you are in for a suprise.

And B, you went behind his back to do it. If it's not a big deal then you wouldn't have to sneak around like this. Obviously it is a big deal to him, and if you care you'll work it out or at least see why he doesn't like it.

Dr Unne
03-12-2004, 10:00 PM
There is no such thing as compromise when it comes to values. There is no advice anyone can give except live by your values. If you know what you believe, the choice is already made for you. If your values include using drugs, then I guess you'll use them. If your values include having girlfriends who use drugs, then I guess you're a good match for a drug user. Similarly, liars and people who tolerate liars go well together, whereas liars and people who don't tolerate liars don't. If your values include a willingness to betray your own values for the sake of maintaining a relationship, well I guess you'll do well with anyone.

03-12-2004, 11:11 PM
The only reason I lied is because I was backed into a corner!

I mean I cant just say "whats the big deal?! I love u, and i want to have a smoke now and again deal with it!"
it was a "me or w" and I was annoyed i had to make such a crappy descicion

Flying Mullet
03-12-2004, 11:28 PM
Originally posted by Dreamtiger42
it was a "me or w" and I was annoyed i had to make such a crappy descicion
No one ever said that these decisions are easy or good. And after you sneaked behind his back with W he had every night to make that ultimatum. You betrayed his trust and an ultimatum is the one thing that will bring it back, otherwise it shows that you can't turn away from W.

03-13-2004, 12:29 AM
For the love of god, I'm getting so damn sick of the melodrama and this big "serious tone" with regards to marijuana. Some people need to wake up and realize that there are real problems in this world. Are you all imagining the murderous, drug-dealing crimelords eating live children for dinner that all weed smokers are automatically associated with? And for all you drinkers out there, casual or otherwise, need I remind you that ALCOHOL IS WORSE FOR YOU? I feel like I'm watching reruns of saved by the bell.


03-13-2004, 01:00 AM
<b>*snip*</b> i have never been drunk in my life. <b>*snip*</b>

The alcohol comment was not specifically directed at you and do not go around the swear filter. ~ Leeza

03-13-2004, 01:11 AM
Ultimate Sandwich: If you wish to discuss the pros and cons of alcohol vs. weed, please start a new thread.

03-13-2004, 09:43 PM
I don't wish to discuss it. It is a topic that requires no thread of its own, unless someone else cares. I have made my point based on experience, all are welcome to disagree with me, provided they can support whatever claims they make. I am trying to illuminate to some that they are taking something too seriously, not measure exactly how harmful different substances are in comparison to each other.

*turns on saved by the bell*

Flying Mullet
03-14-2004, 06:21 PM
The point of this thread isn't whether or not marijuana is bad or worse for you, but the fact that someone didn't like their significant other doing something, so their significant other promised that they wouldn't do it, yet went ahead and did it behind their back.

03-16-2004, 08:20 PM
yup yup yup

03-20-2004, 12:15 AM
hey mods, anyone (that can) i would like to respectfuly ask that this post be closed, and no more said on the matter, especillay by Ultimate_Sandwich. thank you.

03-20-2004, 05:02 AM
I'm sorry if I've offended you in some way; I'm not here to make enemies. Also, I said nothing derogatory towards you. I merely offered my opinions, as you asked us all to do on this open forum. So what if we disagree? I disagree with all my friends on a regular basis. But really, sorry if I came on too strong, I get a little opinionated sometimes.


Del Murder
03-20-2004, 05:05 AM
Good note to end on.