Can you cook?

[Citizen Bleys]

(x-posted to AO and AG)

I thought I could. After all, I took a couple of typing courses in high school and I'm now at 100 wpm, so the couple of cooking courses I took in high school ought to make me an internationally-renowned chef, right?

Wrong.

I got up early this morning, on my last day off before starting my new job. This was intentional, as I planned to make beer batter blueberry pancakes using the Pumphouse's blueberry-flavored ale. It looked like a good idea on paper...but it's been a long time since I've tried to cook.

The end product resembled, in flavor if not color or texture, roughtly triangular pancakes, but that was only the last batch, post trial-and-error. Prior to that was an utter debacle. I'm uncertain as to whether those early attempts should be called "flopjacks" or "crapjacks," but they sure as hell weren't pancakes. So unused to being domestic was I that, as I cooked, the theme from Tokyo Breakfast was ringing through my head. Had my dear, decrepit old grandmother been roused from her slumber by the sumptuous scents of (let's be honest) smoke, and asked me what the hell I was trying to cook, the answer would have been "Your favorite, nigga: chicken and waffle!"

Should I ever attempt cookery again, methinks I'll make sure I have someone who knows what the hell they're doing standing over my shoulder. For the rest of you, the moral of the story is simple:

Don't bother making beer batter pancakes. It's nothing more than a waste of beer that would be better served cold and in a frosty mug. Just drink the beer and go to Smitty's . (Or vice versa, if you're driving)

[Peegee]

I love to cook, but I stick to simple things like lobster (just boil) and pasta (just boil). I can also grill stuff.

I *have* made creme brulee (remember way back when I was dating?) and other such things with much success.

[Loony BoB]

I don't drink or drive or go to Smitty's. What do I do? :(

I can't cook. Well, I can, but nothing fantastic. You could say I can cook potatoes or something like that, but I can't cook full fledged meals. I think the best I've done without a lot of trial and error is a half-arsed lasagne.

[Ki Ki]

I can cook. But little things. Like an omlette. Or a stir fry. Jus basic little things nothing big that could feed a whole family.

[Polaris]

Yes, I love to cook!

[sephxangel]

I can cook but i have to be in a certain mood for it.

[Skogs]

Cooking is easy. As long as you don't leave what you're doing unattended (and forget completely that it's there), then it's fairly difficult to get it to go wrong. Stir fry, pasta-and-sauce and stuffed peppers are my dishes of choice.

[HOOTERS]

Uhh Citizen Bleys, there's a reason why God created women you know. :smash: Why is your Grandma, a woman, in bed while you, a man (presumably), are doing the cooking? I sure as hell hope she got down on her hands and knees and scrubbed the kitchen floor afterwards. :smash:

But seriously folks, since I've had to cook for myself I've gone from baked beans on toast to lasagne and curry chicken in a few months, so I'm pretty proud of that effort, considering I cook more than my flatmate and he's a head chef. I haven't quite perfected the art of getting more food on the plate than on the kitchen yet though. There's always a mess afterwards. I needs me a wife. :mog:

[gokufusionss1]

cooking is easy all you do it add heat to the meat and eat it.

[Misfit]

I needs me a wife. :mog:
roflolz *scary thought* Or a dog! They can clean the floor for you. :nibbles:

Anyways, I can make ... stuff in the microwave/toaster oven! *rawks*

[Logan]

I can cook, but nothing fancy. I've never burned anything, haha.

[Yamaneko]

Hoot, Misfit: Quit spamming up the thread.

Don't worry Bleys, in the future all our food will be programmed.

[HOOTERS]

Oop, playtime over, daddy's home. :mad:

I want the ability to cook chinese food. I think I need more plastic containers first though. :choc:

[Ichy]

I can cook anything, but only if you like it black and crispy.

[Erdrick Holmes]

I can sorta cook. Does taking something out of a can, pouring it in a bowl, and tossing it in the microwave for 55 seconds count as cooking?

[Rainecloud]

I can cook reasonably good meals, and I make a mean breakfast fry-up.

I enjoy cooking, which is a bonus.

[TasteyPies]

How can someone be BAD at cooking? just take the ingrediants, throw them together at the right time, and cook them. (took highschool cooking class)

[Masami]

I'm am the master of microwave cooking! I can make ramen on the stove too. :cool:

[Leeza]

HOOTERS...just get a maid/cook. It's far less expensive in the longrun. :)

I don't like cooking, but I can cook, especially pancakes. :) I'd like to see that recipe, Bleys. Will you PM it to me please? I don't have Pumphouse's blueberry-flavoured ale handy, but I'll use my Corona as a substitute. :)

[Baloki]

Cooking is one of my chores :(

[Kirobaito]

No.

[Citizen Bleys]

Hooters, please don't orally violate my threads :(

[Chaos]

I can burn chicken nuggest in the mircowave. They shrunk, turned black and black shiney stuff oozed out. I think it was the chicken.

Apart from that I'm alright at cooking, provided I have a recipie.

Ive worked in a kitchen before but all I know how to do from that is desserts (I make mean spunge) and starter type things. I like maknig prawn cocktail.

I do 'creative' stuff in the kicthen. I wanted cooked vegetables once, but I couldn't find any, so I boiled some celery. Was....good...
I also made a parsley omlet once. Just an omlet with loads and loads of parsley. Wasnt good.

Chaos

[black orb]

>>> Just Italian food..

[Fuzakeru]

My Dad: What are you doing?
The Me: Cooking.
My Dad: It's smoking.
The Me: Is not.
My Dad: Your BURNT the rice?!?!?!
The Me: It's not BURNTY!! . . . it's crispy.

[Shlup]

I like to cook, and its not hard for me to make a good meal. Beer batter pancakes sound awful though.

[Leeza]

No, they'd acutally be very good. It's like making yeast pancakes instead of using baking powder. My friends mother used to make yeast pancakes all the time and they were excellent. :)

[m4tt]

I can make pizza, tacos, toast and grilled cheese sammiches!

[Citizen Bleys]

I like to cook, and its not hard for me to make a good meal. Beer batter pancakes sound awful though.

You'd be surprised. It doesn't taste like beer at all, even using blueberry-flavored ale.

[Yamaneko]

Do you actually talk to your grandma like that?

[War Angel]

Cook? Me? Why? That's what women are for.

[Rye]

Nope. I can make eggs, that's it. :P

[bennator]

I'm rather good at cooking, actually... which is somewhat suprising in some ways, considering I'm no good at most of the homemaker type stuff.

[Mikztsu]

Since I have to buy my own food and try to make something to eat of it, I have to be able to cook. And yep, I'm a great cock and I love cooking. :)

[HOOTERS]

Since I have to buy my own food and try to make something to eat of it, I have to be able to cook. And yep, I'm a great cock and I love cooking. :)

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Best typo ever. :banana:

[Jebus]

Since I have to buy my own food and try to make something to eat of it, I have to be able to cook. And yep, I'm a great cock and I love cooking. :)

xD

Anyway. I love to cook, and I follow recipes exactly as they are, so it usually comes out pretty good. Without the proper recipe though...um. I can make ramen...:D

[Super Christ]

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Best typo ever. :banana:
Ditto.

It's been a long time since I've tried cooking anything more complicated than "Take food, add heat". The times I have done anything more complicated, though, have not ended up in disaster at least. While the stuff I made wasn't pretty to look at, it at least tasted good and didn't poison you. So yeah, I guess you could say I can cook a little.

[crono_logical]

I cook noodles :p

[Ki Ki]

Cook? Me? Why? That's what women are for.
EH?!! :yuck:
MCP! MCP! MCP! MCP! MCP! MCP! MCP! MCP! MCP! MCP! MCP! MCP! MCP! MCP! MCP! MCP! MCP! MCP! MCP! MCP! MCP! MCP! MCP! MCP!

Cook yourself you pathetic.. :twak:

[Dr Unne]

I can cook meat. So long as you have no expectations as to how cooked it is on the inside. Other than that, I tend to set off the smoke detectors. My recent cooking experiences include cooking bacon which somehow ended up just a bit tougher to chew than granite, and cooking a pizza which somehow burned on the top and was gooey and uncooked on the bottom. If I wasn't willing to eat almost anything that doesn't eat me first, I'd likely starve after a short period of time.

Recipes don't help. They assume all kinds of knowledge I just don't have.

[Zell's Fists of Fury]

What the hell is Smitty's?

[Meat Puppet]

I love cooking, but I love experimenting with my cooking much more. Not that I always eat what comes out of it, I sometimes feed it to somebody else first, then eat it. (If they're still breathing)

[Misfit]

And yep, I'm a great cock and I love cooking. :)
I just wanted to say ... :exdee:

[Mikztsu]

That "typo" was intentional, silly. :smash:

And I'd like to add that War Angel is right; it's women's job to cook. Also, just to mention few of women's millions of duties: they have to clean, make babies and please their husbands.

[Ki Ki]

And I'd like to add that War Angel is right; it's women's job to cook. Also, just to mention few of women's millions of duties: they have to clean, make babies and please their husbands.

Eh???
MCP!!! MCP!!! MCP!!! MCP!!! MCP!!! MCP!!! MCP!!! MCP!!!
MCP!!! MCP!!! MCP!!! MCP!!! MCP!!! MCP!!! MCP!!! MCP!!!
MCP!!! MCP!!! MCP!!! MCP!!! MCP!!! MCP!!! MCP!!! MCP!!!

COOK YOURSELF!! Please YOURSELF!! CLEAN YOURSELF!! :twak:
Don't make men seem so pathetic and helpless. :D

[TasteyPies]

Please YOURSELF!!

Im verry good at pleasing myself

[Buffy]

Lots of things,right now b33f stri fry :love:

[Citizen Bleys]

EH?!! :yuck:
MCP! MCP! MCP! MCP! MCP! MCP! MCP! MCP! MCP! MCP! MCP! MCP! MCP! MCP! MCP! MCP! MCP! MCP! MCP! MCP! MCP! MCP! MCP! MCP!

Cook yourself you pathetic.. :twak:

MCP? Yeah, I'm an MCP. One cert away from my MCSE, actually. I'll probably never get it, though, because of FFXI.

[Mikztsu]

Maybe MCP is a little brother of B!B!B! (?)

[Shoeberto]

George Forman Lean Mean Fat Grillin' Machine

It's all I need.

[War Angel]

COOK YOURSELF!! Please YOURSELF!! CLEAN YOURSELF!!
Hey, if she's perfectly happy and willing to do all those for me, why should I do it?

'Sides - almost all of the great Chefs are men.

By the way, what's MCP?

[Xander]

I make really nice beans on toast =] That's it really.

[Ki Ki]

MCP = Male Chauvinist Pig
But if she's fine with it then it's ok. But you shouldn't say that's what women are for cos clearly it's not. :D

[Mikztsu]

So says YOU. There are even schools for girls where they are taught "how to be a good house-wife".

[Ki Ki]

Yea. That's for 'CERTAIN' girls that plan to be 'house-wives' when they grow up.
You have no right to smack a label on all woman saying 'I can cook, clean, and keep you happy. Marry me. Cos I'll be your maid'

[sephxangel]

So says YOU. There are even schools for girls where they are taught "how to be a good house-wife".

Really? Do you know where they are at? i'd like to burn them down. :radred:

[Mikztsu]

You have no right to smack a label on all woman saying 'I can cook, clean, and keep you happy. Marry me. Cos I'll be your maid'

You forgot add on that label: making babies, taking care of kids, not minding when you husband is drinking with his friends and flirting with women, a sex toy and a waitress.

*smacks that label on Sephxangel and Ki Ki* :)

[Ki Ki]

Really? Do you know where they are at? i'd like to burn them down. :radred:
Let me join you! :upsidedow

[sephxangel]

Let me join you! :upsidedow

you bring the matches and i'll bring the gas... :D

[Ki Ki]

You forgot add on that label: making babies, taking care of kids, not minding when you husband is drinking with his friends and flirting with women, a sex toy and a waitress.

*smacks that label on Sephxangel and Ki Ki* :)

.....
Meathead...
You = :meatwad:
:D :D :D


you bring the matches and i'll bring the gas... :D

Ok. See you then. Wait don't forget the shotgun. We gonna kill Mik after that.. :D

[sephxangel]

.....
Meathead...
You = :meatwad:
:D :D :D



Ok. See you then. Wait don't forget the shotgun. We gonna kill Mik after that.. :D

Yay!!! KILL!!!!! Run Mik we're coming!!!!!!

[Citizen Bleys]

By the way, what's MCP?

Microsoft Certified Professional

[Halifax Housewife]

What the hell is Smitty's?

Restaurant in the Maritimes that serves up great food for a good price.

Uh, no, I don't cook at all? :D

[Mr. Graves]

I can cook pretty well, provided I have everything I need. As in ingredients, the right measureing tools, and detailed directions. I find cooking to be easy enough. Having the time and getting alll the necessary stuff is the hardest parts, but the act of cooking is in and of itself quite easy.

[GrimmReaper]

I can cook ramen noodles on a tea-kettle...

though, I can cook other things, I just like ramen noodles enough to say so. :P

[Raistlin]

Bleys - thank you for that interesting insight into your life as a "professional." *cough*

Anyway, I can cook anything that involves the microwave. I can also cook pretty much anything otherwise that includes a recipe.

No, I'm not a very good cook. I also have a tendency to turn the stove on higher and taking 10-15 minutes off the time to get it done quicker. But it usually turns out all right.

[GrimmReaper]

I also have a tendency to turn the stove on higher and taking 10-15 minutes off the time to get it done quicker. But it usually turns out all right.
ditto

=/

[Silmaril]

The closest i have come to cooking is making cheese toast. My mom doesn't trust me with fire, steel, sharp pointy things, matches, salt...(list goes on)

[Peegee]

I wish I knew how to cook new things though. Somebody teach me how to cook pork ribs.

[Leeza]

Here you go, PG. :)

<a href="http://www.mycustompak.com/healthNotes/Food_Guide/Pork_Ribs.htm">Everything that you ever wanted to know about Port Ribs. Maybe even how to cook them.</a> :)

[Peegee]

Leeza double posted!

[Leeza]

I did not! :)

[Shlup]

DON'T SPAM!

*smacks PG with a rubber bat*

[Peegee]

But she did! Blast you mods being secretive!

That's a great site Leeza

[Iceglow]

the one thing I am good at in the kitchen is cooking the rest like washing up putting the washing machine on I am crap at but I can cook which is beneficial now just got to figure out how to use the washing machine and I guess I'm house trained :D

[Singing_Wings]

I cook but not often. Only when I'm in the mood.

[Peegee]

I'm going to buy groceries soon, and every time I go, I always buy the pre-made stuff. I really should force myself to learn how to cook new stuff.

Leeza's ribs stuff is going to help :D

[Halifax Housewife]

The trick to ribs is to boil them under low, low heat for as long as you want it to take. The more it boils, the more tender it's going to be. Then take the ribs out of the boiling water, and put a marinade on it (a hickory bbq sauce or something), and put it in the fridge overnight. Then put it on the bbq and let it cook to perfection.

[Ki Ki]

Have you ever cooked a pot before?

[*ETERNAL FANTASY*]

yep!


i can cook fried rice and 2 min noodles!

[Endless]

If I'm actually paying attention (i.e. not on the computer while the food is cooking), I can cook pretty much any simple meal. Steaks, patties, pork chops, chicken legs/breasts, Roasted chicken, noodles, green beans, beans and carrots, mashed potatoes (instant or not), fries, sauté'd potatoes, pizza, pancackes (from mix), thin pancakes (from scratch) and a few cakes if I ask for the receipe to my grandmother. And most likely some other stuff I can't remember right now.
If I'm on the computer, I can make a pretty bad hamburger patty (overcooked) and noodles (too watery or stuck into a pancake).

Never tried beer batter pancakes though. That said, if it was me, I'd use Rhum or cider, and make them thin pancakes.

[Ki Ki]

I cooked food today.
Yay. :meditate:

[Mattokenzi]

Cook, I love to cook I make salads, beans on toast, spag bog :tongue:, ravioli, sandwiches, Pizza, lasania and HUMANs (nah only kidding I don't cook humans) :D

[Wind Shear]

Yes, I do cook. I can cook a variety of Filipino and a little bit of Chinese meals.

[Starcrest]

I can cook pretty well. I can boil, grill, a whole buncha stuff

[FleshMask]

I was a Navy cook,

I had a shit-load of cooking classes...

I still can't get a job...

[Starcrest]

A Navy cook? must no a few good recipes then

[Calliope]

I make good...pancakes, muffins, chickpea and lentil curry, vegetable soup and other things that require no effort such as porridge and bread sandwiches. Um...

[Peegee]

cheffie that rib recipe (of sorts) was great. Our puppy and I enjoyed it greatly :D

[Baloki]

I was a Navy cook,

I had a shit-load of cooking classes...

I still can't get a job...

You could try toppling Steven Segal, hes a Navy Cook and he saves the world everyday :D

[Kaos Nishiakari]

*cooks* Who's up for some hot dog inards and charcoled grilled cheese sandwhiches?

[FleshMask]

You could try toppling Steven Segal, hes a Navy Cook and he saves the world everyday :D

Yeah, but where in the hell am I gonna find a hot stripper who jumps out of a cake???

*turns to his axe*

What?...

*stares at axe*

No, I don't have the money...

*stares at axe*

No, I don't have a job

*stares at axe*

Oh, if I'm soooo lazy...
Then I wouldn't do this!!!

*throws axe into a mulcher*

[BrittyGoesMow]

Once I was cooking Mac N Cheese, and when it was done, I wondered why it was so watery.
I go "Hey Mom, why's the pasta so watery?" and she says "well, did you drain it." and I go "I was supposed to drain it?!"
and that is the end of that story, and I believe that shows that Brittany cannot cook.

[Kaos Nishiakari]

Yeah.. That'll do it

[muchacho]

i cant cook, today im going to make pasta for my sisters boyfriend. i can only cook italian food cause thats all ive been told how to make. i dont take classes just my dad and grandma teach me.

[BrittyGoesMow]

Well, I make really good buffalo wings, but that's about it.