Only 186 days to Christmas! Are you READY?

[Nait]

Yes, kids, it's time to start packing and change name under the WPP, start a new life and hope ol' Kringle doesn't have the powah to delve deep enough to find you. The fat bastard is already planning on how to infiltrate your home, destroy your privacy and wreck your credit history! So, what can we do to prevent this blatant misuse of the position of Santa Claus? Here are some suggestions:

1.Poisoned milk or cookies. (America)
2.Poisoned porridge for Santa's little spies. (the Nordic countries)
3.Star Wars. (America)
4.Sand on the road for the sleigh. (the Nordic countries)
5.Exploding Christmas lights. (Global)
6.That weird thing they do in England. (England)
7.The Aussies can show him old reruns of Matlock.

Pray, continue!

[Polaris]

Are you already thinking in christmas?


Santa is resting now!

[eestlinc]

are you on drugs?

[Nait]

You can never be too ready. CONSTANT VIGILANCE!

[Polaris]

Well I am ready... but it's only in December when snow comes, we are in June when the Sun comes!

[Nait]

What better time to prepare when the Beast is in hibernation? Have you ever heard of Red Caps? Did you know they wear red hats, like Santa and his cobelligerents? Makes you think, eh?

[Polaris]

I know a great sepcialist than can helps you with that Christmas thing!

[Nait]

They got to you, didn't they, eh?

[Polaris]

Got me???

Yeah!

[sephxangel]

i'm not watching out for Santa...i'm watching those evil little minions of his...ELVES!!!!!!!!!

[Polaris]

They're so cute and helpful!

[sephxangel]

That's what you think.....

At this very moment they are planning with santa to take over the world!!! Evil little bastards!!!!!

[Cz]

I'll use any bullets I have left over from Halloween. Thanks for the heads up, Nait.

[Rye]

But Nait, we only have 30 days left to live. We won't have time for Santa. :(

[sephxangel]

But Nait, we only have 30 days left to live. We won't have time for Santa. :(

*gasp* That's right?

hmm....Does that mean we can get rid of santa & his evil elves early?

[Nait]

But Nait, we only have 30 days left to live. We won't have time for Santa. :(


I no idea whatcha talkin' bout.

[Shlup]

I will do my part by insiminating you with my semen and impregnating you, Nait. Please have my mutant babies.

[Nait]

Insiminating? Inseminating? Ö_Ö

[Shlup]

Its the same word. Learn English you foriegn sponge doctor!

[Cz]

Only at EoFF...

[Loony BoB]

Does anyone but me wonder if Mrs. Claus is having an affair with someone that goes to the North Pole every Christmas? Think about it - they'd never get caught. Maybe Santa knows about it, and him going away is kind of like his Christmas present to her.

[Shlup]

The elves would find out easily and tell Santa, stupid. God, Daniel, you're such a dumbass sometimes. Why don't you read a book once in a while?

[Mikztsu]

I love you Nait.

I know one good way to kill that fat red bastard: when Santa is going down your chimney, have someone to block his way out and put your fireplace on fire and he'll die in there. :) Then you can eat his reindeers as well. :)

[Loony BoB]

The elves would find out easily and tell Santa, stupid. God, Daniel, you're such a dumbass sometimes. Why don't you read a book once in a while?
Maybe the elves are in on it. I mean, come on - Santa is undoubtedly the biggest slave driver on the planet. Do you have any idea how many things get made by those elves every year to satisfy all the relatively rich children? Geez. All Santa does is go around and reap all the benefits. The elves are the real workers.

[Shlup]

There's always one snivling little bastard who's willing to sell out to the man for a chance to get ahead. Perhaps Mrs. Claus goes out each Christmas to do her thing, but she couldn't get away with entertaining a special visitor on her husbands turf.

[Loony BoB]

There's always one snivling little bastard who's willing to sell out to the man for a chance to get ahead. Perhaps Mrs. Claus goes out each Christmas to do her thing, but she couldn't get away with entertaining a special visitor on her husbands turf.
Maybe she's [pleasing] the elves in some kind of way. And like I said, maybe Santa knows! Merry Christmas, have a gigilo/jigilo/jigolo/giggollo/igloo!

[Nait]

WHY ISN'T ANYONE BUT MIK CONTINUING MY LIST? >:OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[Loony BoB]

9. Sleep with his wife. I hear she's actually pretty hot. Probably a gold digger.

[sephxangel]

10. Break rudolphs nose and when they can't see, sneak up on them and kill them with a flame thrower or rocket launcher.
11. Get a sniper rifle and shoot the bastard down on x-mas eve!!!!

[Mikztsu]

You're a sick one, Sephxangel. xD *applaud*

One way to kill him even before Christmas, is to send him a "wishlist". Too bad that Santa would never get around to read that list, because he'd die in Anthrax. That'd teach the bastard to not play God anymore.

[sephxangel]

You're a sick one, Sephxangel. xD *applaud*

One way to kill him even before Christmas, is to send him a "wishlist". Eventhough Santa would never get around to read that list, since he'd die in Anthrax. That'd teach the bastard to not play God anymore.


thank you Mik! when it comes to violence i am a Jenius

[Yamaneko]

It's good to see you posting again, Nait. :)

[Kirobaito]

Have you ever heard of Red Caps?

CONSTANT VIGILANCE!
Either you've been reading Harry Potter lately, or that is a strange coincidence, as Lupin teaches the class about Red Caps, and Moody is obsessed with saying the latter phrase.

Anyway, what number are we on?

12. Chew him and poo him.

[Iceglow]

unfortunately I have been a very naughty boy this year what with stuffing up my ex's plans to black mail me and telling her to get lost. Also by being me I am a naughty boy...therefore my chances of presents are slim at best unless you guys decide to share the love

[Nait]

Either you've been reading Harry Potter lately, or that is a strange coincidence, as Lupin teaches the class about Red Caps, and Moody is obsessed with saying the latter phrase.

Anyway, what number are we on?

12. Chew him and poo him.


... I was getting bored after a Potter marathon so I decided to post here for a while.


BUT I KNEW RED CAPS FROM BEFORE. >:O

[Leeza]

It's good to see you posting again, Nait. :)
Yes, it is. :)

13. Get a restraining order.
14. Update your security system.
15. Install a moat.

[Baloki]

15. Install a moat.

Thats gonna help against a flying menice, sureeeee

16. Send him a holy hand granade
17. Speed up Global Warming leaving him homeless

[Big D]

9. Sleep with his wife. I hear she's actually pretty hot. Probably a gold digger.But like you say, you'd have to get past the Elves first. Christmas is the one time that Santa Claus is away, so that's the only opportunity they get. However, the old man's allegedly able to see into our homes and monitor our behaviour throughout the entire year. I think he'd notice if his wife was having an affair with many little people of a different species. It's the kind of thing that tends to stand out.

As for keeping him out of our homes...

* Remove the garbage disposal from your sink, if you have one. Install it on the roof and disguise it as a chimney.

* Apply a thin film of superglue to the whole roof. However, since reindeer can fly whilst carrying gifts for almost everyone in the westernised world, they could probably just fly away with the roof attached to their hooves.

* Surveillance camera. He doesn't like to be seen, so he'd either stay away or else hide under a carboard box, Metal Gear-style.

* Tell George Bush that you saw a foreign, uniformed, bearded religious man with a large and mysterious parcel trying to sneak into your house. Santa will be done for.

[Ouch!]

21. Install a micro-chip into one of the cookies tracked by a satelite with missiles attached. When he goes back home, good bye north pole. Yay!

[escobert]

put a trip wire in the chimney.

[Ariel]

7.The Aussies can show him old reruns of Matlock.

We don't have Matlock marathons, you sick, sick Finn. You can make Santa enter <i>that</i> paralytic sleep of death in your own country. >:|

But, you could also always mess with the navigational controls of his sleigh, so that he and his reindeer have an uncontrollable flight of doom that crashes into the desert, burns 90% of the passenger + crew, and leaves the other 10% to starve to a burning hot death.

[Lord Xehanort]

22. Tell him there is a lonely boy wandering the EoFF sewers who <s>isn't going to get a Christmas</s> is sick. Then, while he's coming to <s>bring me gifts</s> kill me, get the armies of walruses from BAoTW HQ, led by Psychotic and Baloki, to head him off and meet my army of Heartless. He won't stand a chance. (All of EoFF)

[Ouch!]

23. Why not just shove a bottle rocket up his rear when he comes down the chimney?

[The Captain]

Call the Easter Bunny.

Take care all.

[Shoeberto]

Convert to <s>Judaism</s> <s>Jueduaeism</s> Buddhism.

[black orb]

>>> You dont have to worry anymore because Santa isnt real!..

[bennator]

Make every kid that you know be really, really bad. Then, when Santa comes to your neighboorhood laden with coal, throw a match in his sleigh as it goes by.

[Nait]

* Tell George Bush that you saw a foreign, uniformed, bearded religious man with a large and mysterious parcel trying to sneak into your house. Santa will be done for.


You must mean the Easter Bunny. Santa will be captured first in November.

[Polaris]

Eater Bunny what's next?

[Ki Ki]

*Light a fire in the fireplace.
*Try real hard to increase global warming therefore making sure Santa's home melts and he drowns before christmas.
*Fly Nait over to the North Pole.

[Mikztsu]

While I read this read, I can't help but think how lots of you had an awful last christmas. :D

[Polaris]

I did!

[sephxangel]

*thinks*

I can't remember what i got last christmas....damn.
But I can probably guess it was shitty.
That's why Santa has to die.

[Polaris]

*shots Santa*

Go on who's gonna miss him?

[sephxangel]

*gasp*

You shot Santa!
Dammit I wanted to do it!
But thanx!

[Polaris]

*revives santa*

okay kill him now!

[sephxangel]

YAY!!!

*gets sniper rifle and shoots Santa*


i'm so content now... :meditate:

[Polaris]

Now who will give presents at Christmas?

[sephxangel]

Your parents

[Polaris]

believ you won't want my oparents as santa!

[sephxangel]

well then you can always steal money from the Tooth fairy. Buy what you want for x-mas...???

[Loony BoB]

Just on a sidenote, does anyone else get mixed up when reading Santa and Satan? I swear, I keep reading "Satan" in this thread, and I always misread satans_apostle as santas_apostle.

[sephxangel]

i don't.

But i do remember those "Letters to Satan." about the little kids writing letters to Santa but um...misspelled it...that was hilarious!

[Ki Ki]

Santa is a nice guy.
It's that Easter bunny you have to watch out for. :Oo:

[Polaris]

No it's not it's the Teeth Fairy!

She wants you to get toothless!!!!

She's evil!

[Ki Ki]

No no.
That Easter bunny STEALS teeth from the teeth fairy. See he's got those two huge teeth guess where he got those from? And he gives little kids easter eggs that are actually little bombs that were painted multi-colored.
Pure evil that bunny. :irked:

[Polaris]

Yes, poor bunny, but he's evil too!!!

Everyone is evil!

And what about angels? Are they evil too?

[Ki Ki]

Angels are horrible!

Isn't Cupid an angel?
Now he's one evil little guy. He shoots arrows at people.

[Polaris]

Yes, I think he had wings and was Aphrodith son, but I'm sure if he was an angel!

He's the worst he killed people with arrows!

[Baloki]

Angels are horrible!

Isn't Cupid an angel?
Now he's one evil little guy. He shoots arrows at people.

Your right, Ki Ki does deserve biggest dumbass is evil!

[Polaris]

Kiki is dangerous!!!!!!

[Ki Ki]

I know, I know.
St00pid Cupid.

*throws a dodo at cupid*

[Polaris]

*slaps Cupid with a whale*

[Ki Ki]

Your right, Ki Ki does deserve biggest dumbass is evil!

OmG.
Baloki wants to die.

*kills Baloki with a tuna fish*

[Polaris]

You killed Baloki?

[Baloki]

OmG.
Baloki wants to die.

*kills Baloki with a tuna fish*

OmG.
Baloki wants to laugh.

*Baloki laughs to death*

[Ki Ki]

Um....about that.....
I had nothing to do with it!

I dunno if he's reali dead though.
*poke*poke*

[Mikztsu]

I feel for Nait, knowing he just <i>loves</i> it when people are raping his threads. :cry:

I know one nice way to get rid of santa. If there's some poor people who can't afford for turkey/ham, put an apple in Santa's mouth and then put him in owen. Wait couple of hours and ta-da. :)

[Baloki]

I dunno if he's reali dead though.
*poke*poke*

*As a ghost says, 'Hey, thats my sig' :D*

[Polaris]

Bon Appetit!

[Ki Ki]

Mik is a cannibal. :Oo:

Baloki is a ghost

Divinty is going to eat Santa. Meaning she's also a cannibal

[Polaris]

It's so good! Yummi! It has to fat!

[Ki Ki]

:Oo:

*gives Divinty a singing bird*
I think it tastes much better then Santa. :D

[Polaris]

I'm not gonna eat that cute bird!!!!!!!

Its' to cute!

[Ki Ki]

Oh--hokay.

*gives Divinty a ugly monkey instead*

I'd give you Baloki but Baloki's mine. And he's jus a cute little squirrel cros bird monkey.

[Polaris]

Horrible!!!!!!!

Don't u have smth tasty?

[Ki Ki]

Hm. . .

*shoots down the easter bunny*
Hawhaw. This guy should taste reali good.

[Polaris]

I hate bunny, they taste horribly!!!!!

Can you give me normal food like the chocolates eggs of the Easter Bunny!

[Ki Ki]

NOoO

Now what did i tell you? The easter bunnys eggs are chocolate but they aren't reali. See he paints them multi-colored but reali they're jus little bombs that go *poof*.

*gives Divinty a cookie*

[Polaris]

I was trying to blew myself! No I am eating a cookie

[Ki Ki]

Nice cookie rite?

I made all by myself. *shines*
I think you might find traces of squirrels in there though.

[Polaris]

Murder!!!!

[Ki Ki]

No.

I was jus baking cookies then this crazy squirrel jumped into the oven. :Oo:

[Polaris]

Even so!!!!!

You could revive him!

[Ki Ki]

*revives squirrel*

*gives it to Misfit. then Misfit kills it cos she's a huge fan of roadkill.*

[Nait]

*Light a fire in the fireplace.
*Try real hard to increase global warming therefore making sure Santa's home melts and he drowns before christmas.
*Fly Nait over to the North Pole.


I don't see how that would work seeing as how Santa Claus lives in <i>Korvatunturi, Finland</i>. >:O

[Ki Ki]

No way.
It's the north pole.

All the books and movies say so.
But hey we can always fly you to the North Pole then if he's not there we can fly you to Finland.

*gives Nait a cookie*
(now that's for the long trip ahead of you)

[Polaris]

watch out Nait it has probably pieces of squirrels!

[Ki Ki]

ohohoho.

No.That squirrel is gone now.
I think there's a badger in my oven now. Or it could be a racoon. . .

[Polaris]

Have you no shame???

Poor innocent!!!!

You're evil!!

[Leeza]

Ki Ki and Divinity: Stop spamming.