Obey the rules or your a bit gay

[gokufusionss1]

Rules of Manhood

01: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

02: It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e. When she is using her teeth

03: Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his mates.

04: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

05: If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off
limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

06: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

07: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional.

08: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

09: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless
supermodel...and it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another bloke in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game (can explain offside or LBW) and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both - that's just mean.

19: If you compliment a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a mate of yours,
except if she's withholding s*x pending your response.

21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a.Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!

22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have s*x with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey s*x, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox/PS2. End of story.

28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Mens Gymnastics. Ever.

[Shlup]

I... I... No! :meatwad:

[crono_logical]

Perhaps You're not a Man after all, Shlup :monster:

[SomethingBig]

I like being a bit happy. What's a stag night?

[Shlup]

I like being a bit happy. What's a stag night?
Party where you don't bring a date.

And I am, apparently, a man.

[Turk]

Umm whoever was the author of this list is either insecure, gay, or both.

[Cz]

That guy is so fantastic. He thought of things that men do, then wrote them. :rolleyes2

[Ichy]

I think it's brilliant

[Levian]

Most of the questions on that list is very true. I guess that's just how things are. Some of them anyway. :p

Speedos *shivers* :eek:

[chionos]

muahahahah *sigh*
i'm happy now

The Man Bible
Chionos Chapter 1. verse 15:

A woman shalt not allow another woman to pass without judging her taste in clothing.

verse 16:

A man shalt not notice another man's clothing under any circumstance. NO excuses. see verse 17

verse 17:

A man shalt not allow another man to pass without punching him on the shoulder. HARD

verse 18:

Thou shalt not flinch when another man hits you on the shoulder.

Chapter 2. verse 3:

Butt slapping is strictly forbidden outside of hardcore sporting(ie those that see a lot of blood) Unless the butt in question is female in origin.

[bennator]

28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Mens Gymnastics. Ever.

What about girls Ice Skating?

[Amnesia Case]

If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.


Ha! thats called a Dutch Oven!!!! :exdee:

[Zell's Fists of Fury]

Oh wow thats so cool thanks for tell us!!!!!!

[Amnesia Case]

Oh wow thats so cool thanks for tell us!!!!!!

Do I detect sarcasm?

[Lord Xehanort]

Umm whoever was the author of this list is either insecure, gay, or both.

[Shlup]

Do I detect sarcasm?
Just tell him to shove a cookie in it.

Though I must say I did not need to learn the term "Dutch Oven."

[m4tt]

That guy is so fantastic. He thought of things that men do, then wrote them. :rolleyes2

I'm so glad he did because I never would of known guys do that!!!

[Zell's Fists of Fury]

BJs never done it? What kind of a boyfriend is he?

[m4tt]

Oh, and according to these rules, I must be gay.

2. I cried when my great grandmother died, and also when both of my dogs died.

7. I know my best friend's birthdate, and I've bought him a gift a few times.

23. I've talked to a girl on the phone for 6 hours. I don't know if I can last that long during sex, since I've never had it, but I doubt it.

26. My last truck was a bright blue.

[Thunday Man]

Pretty sure ive seen this before on another board, or very similar.

[Meat Puppet]

Everyone's a bit gay.

[Shlup]

I must be gay.
There's the newsflash of the century. :rolleyes2

[m4tt]

You have been like so mean to me lately, Mandee. *runs away flailing his arms and crying*

[nik0tine]

He seems to have forgotten one.

All males must vote conservative. Period.

[Ouch!]

I think it's brilliant

[Mikztsu]

And then it hit me...I realized I'm gay. :I

[Leeza]

Wow! If these are the rules, then I guess I'd rather have my man be at least a little bit gay. :)

[Thunday Man]

I am so gay.

[TasteyPies]

I follow almost all of those rules..


No, your gay.

[Logan]

If I was a boy, I think I would be gay.

[Erdrick Holmes]

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

Bill. This one applies to you, dude.

[Storm]

You forgot to mention "All guys should do nothing except drink beer, watch sports, and comment on how hot women are". That list is a prime example of how humanity is de-evolving.

[Giga Guess]

HAH! NONE of those apply to me! Not a stinkin' one! I already am gay! I'm free I tells ya! Free!

[SeeDRankLou]

*reads*
*feels like less of a man for not following any of those*
*remembers he was gay before he read that*
*reattains manhood*
*feels better*

:) :banana:

[Amnesia Case]

That list is a prime example of how humanity is de-evolving.

Humanity would of had to evolved first in order to de-evolve :p

[nik0tine]

That still doesn't change the fact that humanity is de-evolving.

[Silmaril]

Hilarious.

[krissy]

i think i'll do the phone rule forever now
not kidding

[Polaris]

Who wrote that deserves a big price coz is awsome!!!!

[Ki Ki]

ahahaha.
Everyone must be gay then.

[Armisael]

ahahaha.
Everyone must be gay then.
:laugh: Sure thing.

[Psychotic]

Wait, having the last beer and pizza is gay BECAUSE? Not that I've done it, I'm just saying. Same goes for sleeping with someone's sister. :beer:

And I don't think I've broken any of those rules, unless I did it while in a strange trance brought on by...well....I dunno. Trance music. Not that I'd listen to it unless nailed to a wall.

[Erdrick Holmes]

The only sport I actually pay attention to now is skateboarding, I guess I'm safe.

[escobert]

I'm not gay :D I passed all of em :D

[omnitarian]

Sleeping with somebody's sister makes you gay? :confused:

[Lord Xehanort]

Ansem: "Rules of Manhood"

"01: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella." I can't let my friends get all wet!

"02: It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e. When she is using her teeth"What can I say? The end of Moulin Rouge is sad. I also cried during Romeo and Juliet with Leonardo DiCaprio.

"05: If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off
limits forever, unless you actually marry her." Oops...

"06: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable." But my friend drinks Milwaukee's Bert! Have you tasted that? It's the worst!

"07: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional." That's not right! I feel crushed when my birthday is forgotten and I make it a point to remember all my friend's b-days as well.

"08: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest." No, the one who complains until he gets what he wants decides.

"09: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing." I ask, then leave because I hate watching any sport.

"10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend." I haven't broken this one, but I just wanted to say... eww...

"12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another bloke in the nuts." I was scared, okay!?

"15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything." I always tell them, it's the right thing to do.

"16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game (can explain offside or LBW) and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers." So... only redneck girls can love sports?

"18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both - that's just mean." Oops...

"19: If you compliment a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer." *scoffs* I always break this one. What can I say? I love six-packs on guys.

"20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a mate of yours,
except if she's withholding s*x pending your response." If I had a girlfriend, I'd break this.

"21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a.Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!" I did not know I was doing anything wrong. I was just flirting with him.

"23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have s*x with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary." Being a virgin, I break this rule every time I talk to a female on the phone.

"28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Mens Gymnastics. Ever." But some of those men are really graceful!

Kounetsu: So, 16 out of 28 broken. You're so gay, Ansem.

Ansem: Stop being so mean to me!

[SomethingBig]

I'm 100% gay. Hooray! :D Not a single one of those fits me. Except for the first one. I prefer to walk in the rain without an umbrella. And the 2 one, because I don't really cry. Yeah, those were the only two rules that I haven't broken. Man, if it feels great to be gay. :)

[Link]

29. never stick your nizzle in a hole before looking to see whats behind it or you may end up eventualy breaking all of the rules. *grusume sounds off flesh being torn*

final rule 30. never ask for directions

[Azure Chrysanthemum]

If I ever have a need and desire to compensate, I'll give that list a try. But since I'm not a stereotypical borderline-chauvinistic ________ I do not believe I shall.

[ZeZipster]

omg u hurt my big fuzzy man pride

ur ghey stfu

[Chaos]

If I was a guy I would so be gay.

I don't know ANY guys who do all those things.

Chaos

[Carnival]

I've never even seen one man with an umbrella.

[kikimm]

I think it's brilliant

:mog:


:D

[Kirobaito]

I feel dumb because all of those really do apply to me. :(

[gokufusionss1]

Pretty sure ive seen this before on another board, or very similar.


probably i stole it,
you see it's sooooo funny because.......it's true.

other points
1; ladies it's the rules of manhood so you're not allowed to read them, shooo
2. americans you're two busy eating to have time to think about rules plus your whole country is a bit gay.
3. as for everyone declaring themselves gay for not obeying the rules the operative word in the title was BIT. Even I the manliest man in the world don't obey them all.


P.S
sarcasm is overrated and badly used by most of you.

[krissy]

I also cried during Romeo and Juliet with Leonardo DiCaprio.



most emotional movie of the past century

[Giga Guess]

probably i stole it,
you see it's sooooo funny because.......it's true.

other points
1; ladies it's the rules of manhood so you're not allowed to read them, shooo
2. americans you're two busy eating to have time to think about rules plus your whole country is a bit gay.
3. as for everyone declaring themselves gay for not obeying the rules the operative word in the title was BIT. Even I the manliest man in the world don't obey them all.


P.S
sarcasm is overrated and badly used by most of you.

Who's being sarcastic. I'm queer as a 3 dollar bill!

[gokufusionss1]

obviously not you.

[K-chan]

other points
1; ladies it's the rules of manhood so you're not allowed to read them, shooo
2. americans you're two busy eating to have time to think about rules plus your whole country is a bit gay.
3. as for everyone declaring themselves gay for not obeying the rules the operative word in the title was BIT. Even I the manliest man in the world don't obey them all.



1. not allowed? aww...don't be discriminatory! lol
2.I should be offended by that (being an american and all) but meh...
3. meh

[SeeDRankLou]

Who's being sarcastic. I'm queer as a 3 dollar bill!
Right on man!! :D

[Denmark]

Who wrote that deserves a big price coz is awsome!!!!

a big price? how's £90 sound? oh wait, too high. and allow me to refrain from sarcastically and sardonically pointing out your other errors.

Obey the rules or your a bit gay

My a bit gay? My rabbit is gay? I don't appreciate you calling my rabbit gay. And neither does my rabbit. :|

And that really was tactful, saying that people who break these "rules" are gay, which leads one to think homosexual. And to return the favor, this post has just as much tact. La la la.

[Lord Xehanort]

Who's being sarcastic. I'm queer as a 3 dollar bill!

Kounetsu: Damn straight, brother!

Ansem: Kounetsu, we're bisexuals.

Kounetsu: Well, by definition, that makes us homosexuals and heterosexuals!

Ansem: Why do I even bother arguing with you?

[Kirkpatrick]

Let's see...I've broken:
#1 - So how are you supposed to decide who gets wet?
#2 - My cat got hit by a car...and what about deaths in the family? Come on.
#8 - Of course, I have the strong bladder, so I don't mind this one :p
#9 - What if you don't know who's playing??
#16 - ...Or you could let them watch the sports...
#20 - And what if it's like "You know, 'Name' is a really great guy."
#23 - Ansem's excuse works here for me...
#28 - I've watched both. And been impressed by the abilities the athletes have. So what?

Looks like I'm "a bit gay"...I'd rather be that than a jerk :p.

(Of course, not drinking and not being able to drive cut down a few of the chances for me to break the rules.)