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Necronopticous
10-31-2004, 11:40 PM
<i>Note by Flying Mullet: Since the original site Necro hosted this "comic" on is now defunct, and thus, a lot of the picture locations no longer work, I'm providing the latest(as of this edit) url to where Necro has the comic hosted: Final Fantasy IV: Ah, The Power of Cheese (http://pixelblip.studiogcs.com/ffiv/index.html).</i>

<CENTER>Final Fantasy IV - "Ah, The Power of Cheese"

Courtesy of <A href="http://forums.eyesonff.com/member.php?u=11476">Necronopticous</A>, <a href="http://www.eyesonff.com">Eyes on Final Fantasy</A>, <a href="http://demented3d.com">Demented3d</A>, and <a href="http://www.zsnes.com">Zsnes</A>

<A href="http://demented3d.com/ffiv">Visit the Final Fantasy IV "Ah, The Power of Cheese" Website!</A>

<CENTER>Series 1</CENTER>
<TABLE border="4" bordercolor="white" bgcolor="blue" width="650" cellpadding="4">
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<center><FONT face="courier new">Episode I - "The Adventure Begins"

We start Final Fantasy IV in the midst of a terrible wrongdoing by none other than... THE RED WINGS! Cecil is the leader of this merciless band of cute little clones who do things such as ask sadistic questions and ANSWER THEMSELVES! These guys are the epitome of "bad-ass" as we can see in the following picture.

<IMG src="http://server5.uploadit.org/files/necronopticous-07.jpg" border="4">

After witnessing the group ruthlessly murder a few senior citizens and steal their bling-bling, Cecil, the lead role in Final Fantasy IV, is faced with groups of monsters that attack the airships because they're monsters; and monsters are mean. Cecil unleashes a variety of attacks that kill any horde of aggressive enemy force in seconds, of course once you get control of Cecil he magically forgets how to do them and never remembers for the remainder of the game.

<IMG src="http://server5.uploadit.org/files/necronopticous-06.jpg" border="4">

Wow, impressive, I guess Cecil just improvised this once, this move would sure come in handy against those damn zombies you face 30 minutes later in the game.

Cecil decides to ask the king why he's being ordered to kill off 70 year old men and women, so naturally, he's "relieved of his command" and given the task of hijacking an airplane and crashing it into the summoner village, oh wait, I mean delivering a package. I swear I always wanted to get the King in my party JUST once so I could go to Namingway and rename him "Osama". You'll want to pay close attention to the advice Kain gives you in the following sequence.

<IMG src="http://server5.uploadit.org/files/necronopticous-05.jpg" border="4">

I'm not sure who or what Kain is really referring to but I have reason to believe it's the priceless information of this man:

<IMG src="http://server5.uploadit.org/files/necronopticous-03.jpg" border="4">

There are a few other people in the castle that will give you information that is important also such as, "Value your life!" Once you're done trying to encode all of this useful information into your long term memory you can continue on to the first appearance of Cecil's side dish, Rosa. If you speed through this scene it's much more touching, but if you take your time with it... Well... Let's have a look.

<IMG src="http://server5.uploadit.org/files/necronopticous-02.jpg" border="4">

I'm not sure weather Cecil should be touched and thank her for being concerned or be totally offended and bash her face in with the side of his helmet. Nonetheless, Cecil knows from EXPERIENCE that there will be rewards for putting up with Rosa's mistranslated dialogue. He goes to sleep on his freshly changed sheets that night like a true bad-ass: In full dark knight AF armor. Dark Knights know no such thing as "comfort", they're soldiers. Anyway, after a pitiful conversation with Rosa and then himself you realize Cecil is like a big teddy bear inside. Either that or just a whining baby with lines like "I'm just a Dark Knight with no courage!"

Before you head off in the morning, be sure to get some inspiration from this local.

<IMG src="http://server5.uploadit.org/files/necronopticous-04.jpg" border="4">

Oh yeah! A big grin will streak across the players face now. A true geek like me will even physically say out loud: "Well GUESS what!? WE ARE A TEAM BEYOTCH!" Unfortunately, however, this guy must have been too lost in his enthusiasm to consider the possibility that the duo would run into a merciless killing machine when they stepped foot out of town.

...Either that or an eagle.

<IMG src="http://server5.uploadit.org/files/necronopticous-01.jpg" border="4">

TO BE CONTINUED!
(maybe)

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DJZen
11-01-2004, 12:12 AM
I just peed myself.....

Dignified Pauper
11-01-2004, 01:06 AM
that was absolutely hillarious

Necronopticous
11-01-2004, 01:40 AM
I love Final Fantasy IV, maybe I'll do episode 2. The main problem is that I use a very limited free image host, would anyone be willing to host the images for this if I go on with it?

abrojtm
11-01-2004, 02:29 AM
xD *cracks up*

Hinky the Pickle
11-01-2004, 03:03 AM
XD! That was the shiznat. I'd be glad to host these for you if you're willing to keep 'em coming.

Necronopticous
11-01-2004, 09:07 AM
I might just take you up on the offer, however I think Devilmaykickass may handle it for me. :D There is definately more where this came from.

Flashback007
11-01-2004, 09:13 AM
This is really good. And hilarious. I want more :D

Kawaii Ryűkishi
11-01-2004, 10:27 AM
http://norbert-x.com/rock/ for uploads.

If you should get through even most of the game, be sure to include this scene, as well.

Mo-Nercy
11-01-2004, 10:42 AM
*bows down to he with the long name*

Ultima Shadow
11-01-2004, 03:03 PM
This is really good. And hilarious. I want more :D

Necronopticous
11-01-2004, 07:46 PM
Episode II is in pre-production.

Takara
11-01-2004, 09:18 PM
ROFL! *high fives* :D

Venom65437
11-01-2004, 09:32 PM
GREAT stuff! Keep it up!

Necronopticous
11-02-2004, 07:34 AM
<CENTER><TABLE border="4" bordercolor="white" bgcolor="blue" width="650" cellpadding="4">
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<center><FONT face="courier new"><font size="4"><b>Episode II - "Al Queda, eat your heart out."</b></font>

Okay, so the guy wasn't actually too far off. Kain and Cecil really do make a pretty unstoppable force. In fact, for the next few hours of gameplay, consider yourself to be fighting a formidable opponent if they're able to hit Cecil for more than 2 damage. But this is getting ahead of ourselves, first of all, you have some very important business in the town outside of the castle.

This business consists of walking around and harassing people for taxes as well as showing off that you're a studly Dark Knight. Expect comments such as "Your armor is so dark! Are you a bad guy?" and of course the very believable dialogue of this young lad.

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v190/devilmaykickass/ffvii/26.jpg" border="4">

You're going to want to make sure to drop in to see Cid. Okay, actually he's sleeping and you'll only be able to get consistent strings of Z's, ellipses, and something about an engine out of him. But you can meet his daughter who will give a mouthful of words in no particular order "More all night work. He thinks he's young. Town folk speak ill of the soldiers and the king."

Oh, and in case you're ever having an argument with Cid that concerns buoyancy or it's principles, give it up.

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v190/devilmaykickass/ffvii/25.jpg" border="4">

Cid's got every end covered; I'll be he'd play a damn good game of Baulderdash... Okay, so before you take off be sure to check for items stashed in trashcans, bushes, and of course, floating in random spots in the water (Spoils from Cid's buoyancy experiments?).

Think of entering the Misty Cave as getting on board an airplane and your weapons as box-cutters. The enemies will be like the passengers and flight staff that resist your hijacking, you can take most of them out with one or two swipes.

I never quite understood this part, appearantly there is an invisible panel here that plays the following sound every time you step on it.

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v190/devilmaykickass/ffvii/24.jpg" border="4">

I got stuck on this part for three weeks because I kept doing what it told me to do and I could never figure out why the game wasn't progressing. The trick is to do the <i>opposite</i> of what the recording tells you, tricky stuff.

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v190/devilmaykickass/ffvii/23.jpg" border="4">

A monster at the end of a creepy cave full of mist? Not a chance! This question always reminds me of the "dead-f***ing-obvious" questions Steve used to ask the 3-year-olds on the Nickelodeon show, "Blue's Clues".

At this point, you've succeeded in stealing the aircraft. Now it's time to face your final obstacle, DENSE CLOUDS!

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v190/devilmaykickass/ffvii/61.jpg" border="4">

A boss that totally sucks, transforms in 2 minute intervals, and hits you with a strong area attack if you attack it while transformed. Why does this sound so familiar? Anyway, make sure to take great pleasure in killing D.Mist, it's not like you're killing someone's mother or anything.

Once you maneuver through the clouds pilot over to Village Mist.

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v190/devilmaykickass/ffvii/21.jpg" border="4">

<b>CRASH!</b>

Congratulations you're now a full-fledged terrorist! Make sure to dispose of any survivors, for instance, this innocent girl.

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v190/devilmaykickass/ffvii/20.jpg" border="4">

Watch out terrorists, it's George W. Bush! I mean Titan!

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v190/devilmaykickass/ffvii/19.jpg" border="4">

TO BE CONTINUED!
<font size="0">(probably)</font>

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Shlup
11-02-2004, 08:36 AM
That is damn funny stuff.

Flashback007
11-02-2004, 09:47 AM
Gimme more :D . Hey, you're wunderfull. I like you, gimme more :D

Saint_007
11-02-2004, 12:46 PM
"Congratulations, you're a full-fledged terrorist"

Roflmao

Hinky the Pickle
11-02-2004, 01:58 PM
XD! Good stuff man, good stuff. Keep up the good work... or else!

Venom65437
11-02-2004, 05:45 PM
Another excellent episode!

Necronopticous
11-02-2004, 07:06 PM
I'm glad you enjoy it, it's fun to write. I say this stuff in my head every time I play the game through, I'm glad I'm not the only one who finds it funny.

Spritz
11-02-2004, 07:20 PM
xD! Keep up the good work!

<3 @ Fan Comics

Ultima Shadow
11-02-2004, 07:54 PM
It's simply great! Keep up the good work! :D

MoonsEcho
11-03-2004, 04:05 PM
That is damn funny stuff.

:D :love: :D :love: :D :love: :D :love:

Halenite
11-03-2004, 06:56 PM
Give me MORE!

Necronopticous
11-04-2004, 06:31 AM
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<FONT face="courier new"><CENTER>Episode III - "The One After Episode II"

At this point in Final Fantasy IV I always like to take a step back and feel really good about all of the great things I've accomplished in the game. Here is a list of some of the highlights so far:</center><ul type="circle">
<li>Ruthlessly murdered old men and women.
<li>Stole jewels.
<li>Got fired.
<li>Harrassed town folk.
<li>Wallowed in self-pity.
<li>Killed a little girl's mother.
<li>Set the little girl's town on fire.
<li>Slashed the little girl with a sword, putting her into a coma.
</ul>
<center>You're shaping up to be one hell of a hero! And to think, you're only about 20 minutes into the game. Anyway, when the little girl awakens from her coma, Cecil forces her to tell him her name. She agrees and decides to become his sidekick and help him out on his adventures. Just the reaction you'd expect from her, right? Of course.

Before heading out go visit your mysteriously dying girlfriend.

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v190/devilmaykickass/ffvii/16.jpg" border="4">

From the looks of her emotionally charged dialogue, you can tell her mysterious lethal sickness is bad news! If you ever want Rosa to say anything beside "Mmm..." again, you had better do some research, and fast. You can start at this bookshelf.

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v190/devilmaykickass/ffvii/15.jpg" border="4">

Well would you look at that, what luck! The title of the first book you set your eyes on tells you EXACTLY what you need to cure your girlfriend. If only all things in life were this cheesy... I mean easy.

Before rushing out to get the cure for Rosa I suggest you make a few important story-progressing stops. First of all you're going to want to put your hands into the fireplace before leaving the house.

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v190/devilmaykickass/ffvii/17.jpg" border="4">

OUCH! FIRE BAD! That must have been how Rydia's friends and family felt when you torched them in their sleep.

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v190/devilmaykickass/ffvii/18.jpg" border="4">

I've always questioned this guy's sexuality, I don't know why...

Once you've had enough of this town head for the cave to the northwest. Don't worry about catching desert fever like Rosa, she's the only one in the game that's allowed to catch it. You can thank the stupidity of the hypothetical illness for that one.

Appearantly killing off everything in Rydia's life wasn't enough for Cecil. He'll constantly let her get knocked out in battle and just laugh about it as everything that kills her in one hit takes a whopping 1 damage from him.

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v190/devilmaykickass/ffvii/14.jpg" border="4">

Tellah, the senior citizen, will notice Cecil's fascinating ability to take 1 damage from every aggressive monster on the planet and demand that he help defeat the big ugly monster at the end of the cave. You're supposed to believe that Tellah has amnesia but that was just a cheap excuse to make it so you could only use crappy ass spells.

No one seems to feel uncomfortable at the fact that the cave is infested with decomposing corpses that are somehow magically alive and trying to kill you. I guess it's no big deal, just use Tellah's crappy Fire 1 to take them all out. Rydia is basically useless because she's still scared of fire, aww poor baby. I guess it doesn't matter, if a gust of wind blows her too hard she'll fall down knocked out.

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v190/devilmaykickass/ffvii/60.jpg" border="4">

Pay no attention to Octomamm's freaky soul-piercing eyes and take him out with a few swipes and Bolts. CAREFUL, believe it or not he can actually hit Cecil for more than 1 hp per turn *gasp*

OH NO, TERRIBLE BOMBARDMENTS FROM THE AIRSHIPS!

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v190/devilmaykickass/ffvii/13.jpg" border="4">

This scene would be a lot more tragic if the dead guys were actually dead. Appearantly these were those new bombs that, instead of killing people, make them constantly state the obvious.

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v190/devilmaykickass/ffvii/12.jpg" border="4">

And then there is this guy...

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v190/devilmaykickass/ffvii/11.jpg" border="4">

For some reason I was expecting more of a "HOLY F***ING SH** HELP ME, AHHHHHH MY LEGS, I CAN'T FEEL MY F***ING LEGS!" response when I talked to this guy. What was I thinking? Obviously losing profuse amounts of blood and being on the verge of death after a firey explosion would make any person in their right mind want to enthusiastically give hints to healthy passerbys.

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v190/devilmaykickass/ffvii/09.jpg" border="4">

Okay, it would REALLY suck to see the castle your daughter is in get bombed. However, it would REALLY REALLY suck if you found out she was the ONLY person that died in the bombing. It might even make you mad enough to let all of your anger out on the guy who brought her there. This is why the following scene constantly goes down as the most vulgar scene in any video game to date.

CAUTION: The following screenshot may be too vulgar for young readers. You have been warned.

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v190/devilmaykickass/ffvii/10.jpg" border="4">

TO BE CONTINUED!
(you spoony bard!)

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Mo-Nercy
11-04-2004, 07:05 AM
I love how you didn't use "You spoony bard" which had actually caught me rather of guard since it seemed so obvious that it would be there.

Hilarious. Truly hilarious.

(EDIT: I just read the fine print. Touché.)

Flashback007
11-04-2004, 09:31 AM
Just wunderfull who you are doing it. I cannot wait untill the next episode. It really is great.

Hinky the Pickle
11-04-2004, 01:52 PM
I love your work, man! Keep 'em coming, these are funny as hell.

MoonsEcho
11-04-2004, 03:04 PM
I LOVE THIS! :D :D :D

Sefie1999AD
11-04-2004, 04:07 PM
Excellent and funny stuff! Keep up the good work. :D

Venom65437
11-04-2004, 09:12 PM
This is great, can't wait for part 4.

Captain Maxx Power
11-04-2004, 11:31 PM
TO BE CONTINUED! (you spoony bard!)

O god I do hope so

DJZen
11-05-2004, 04:52 AM
You actually neglected "attack while mist will freeze with breath"? Why?

Storm
11-05-2004, 08:04 AM
This is a good example of why FFIV deserves its own forum.

Big D
11-05-2004, 09:25 AM
"Watch out terrorists, it's George W. Bush! I mean Titan!"

This series is pure class. Very nice, Necronopticous.

I'm guessing it's based on the original "Easytype" version of FFIV? I've seen a few differences to the Anthology version I've played.

Necronopticous
11-05-2004, 10:01 AM
Yes, it's based on Easytype AKA Final Fantasy 2

Takara
11-05-2004, 03:39 PM
:D

They're getting better and better!

MORE!

DJZen
11-05-2004, 09:59 PM
FF2US is NOT FFIV Easytype. Easytype is even more dumbed down and has a different sprite for Zeromus.

Kawaii Ryűkishi
11-05-2004, 11:54 PM
Jeez, they're close enough.

XadamX
11-06-2004, 12:34 AM
I want more

Del Murder
11-06-2004, 05:17 AM
Brilliant.

Necronopticous
11-06-2004, 08:30 AM
<CENTER>
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<FONT face="courier new"><CENTER>Episode IV - "If only he were as smart as he is weak"

Well, as you can clearly tell from the climax of the last episode, Tellah is too angry to continue traveling with you. But his leaving really goes to show you... With the loss of every angry old man with amnesia comes a vehicle that allows you to cross water that has three pointy rocks sticking out.

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v190/devilmaykickass/ffvii/08.jpg" border="4">

Well, we'd all really like to get to stopping the evil Golbez and his Republican Wings, but first thing's first, we have to save Rosa from the evil clutches of the horrible desert fever! I think desert fever was supposed to symbolically suggest that she slept around with members of the Taliban.

Once you reach the lair of Antlion you'll realize that Edward does exactly the same thing as Rydia in battle. Gets knocked out continuously. Best to just hack away with Cecil and let the two useless weaklings stay dead until the end.

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v190/devilmaykickass/ffvii/59.jpg" border="4">

Since Edward has been dead since the very first enemy encounter in the cave, he'll have to remind you at the very end that you're in the lair of Antlion. Well thanks for the info Captain Obvious.

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v190/devilmaykickass/ffvii/58.jpg" border="4">

I guess the idea was to show you that Edward is just like pretty boy singers nowadays. Completely and totally clueless.

Well I guess Antlion is tame if your definition of tame is big red aggressive freaky horned cockeyed beasts that want to devour you with a gross looking toothed oriface in their face.

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v190/devilmaykickass/ffvii/57.jpg" border="4">

If Final Fantasy IV had voice acting they would have definately gotten Mr. T to play Antlion. YES he's THAT aggressive. Anyway, surprise surprise If you sit there guess how much damage Antlion will do to Cecil? That's right, 1 hp. Guess how much he'll do to Rydia and Edward? If you said 5 gazillion you're absolutely correct. If you decide to actually attack Antlion, be prepared, he counters with a move that does exactly the same thing that takes 1 hp, but for some reason it takes like 30 hp, even from Cecil. That's right, a 2900% increase.

Call Chocobos and slice Antlion while drinking potions like a freak until he's defeated. Before heading out you'll have a nice informative talk amongst yourselves.

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v190/devilmaykickass/ffvii/56.jpg" border="4">

This must be one of Cecil's special abilities he was taught in Baron's Dark Knight training program: The ability to answer someone's question with a phrase that is totally unrelated without anyone realizing it.

Classmate: Hey Cecil, what's the square root of 8?
Cecil: There is a bed in my room.
Classmate: Ah! Got it, thanks man!

After you're finished here, head back to town to save Rosa!

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v190/devilmaykickass/ffvii/55.jpg" border="4">

There's something wrong with this picture. I thought the idea of curing her was so I didn't have to listen to this crap anymore?

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v190/devilmaykickass/ffvii/54.jpg" border="4">

I'm sorry. For my. Overuse. Of the period. Now who are you sleeping with!? I always sensed such a jealous overtone to this conversation. I also always get the feeling Rosa just made up this whole damn illness. Maybe it's the "I'm-so-not-a-real-sickness" symptoms, maybe it's the fact that rubies don't cure sicknesses, even if they are guarded by aggressive sand-beasts.

Or maybe it's just the horrible job Rosa does at fake-coughing after she's already "cured"

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v190/devilmaykickass/ffvii/53.jpg" border="4">

If you don't really hate Edward, well... You should. Square knew this, and decided that if he's going to persist as a character in the game something HAS to be done. Therefore you get a useless scene to basically illustrate that Edward plays such bad music it is capable of killing foul demons.

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v190/devilmaykickass/ffvii/52.jpg" border="4">

YES!

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v190/devilmaykickass/ffvii/51.jpg" border="4">

Kill the BushHag!

I find it funny that of the two characters on screen beside Edward, only one comes from the water, and that's Anna. "I believe in you Edward! Your music is so horrible it does physical damage to the enemy and occasionally lulls them to sleep!"

Maybe it wasn't the bombings that killed Anna afterall...

TO BE CONTINUED!
(Can't think of anything witty or clever.)

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Big D
11-06-2004, 08:47 AM
Still going strong.:)
I'm tempted to Sticky this thread, but this forum is already rather full of Stickies.

I'm pretty sure it'll be generating enough posts to keep it at the top of the forum, anyway, and you can bet it'll be getting archived once the story is over.

Flashback007
11-06-2004, 10:16 AM
I absoluty love this. You're doing a great job.

Hinky the Pickle
11-06-2004, 04:15 PM
Dude, keep 'em coming. These rock my socks.

MoonsEcho
11-06-2004, 04:18 PM
*wipes tears from corners of eyes* :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Man.....this is wonderful stuff....

KentaRawr!
11-06-2004, 05:53 PM
lol pretty funny, I like episode 3 "youll want to put your hand in the fire place before you leave....OUCH!!!" lol XD

XadamX
11-06-2004, 10:06 PM
oh yeah keeps getting better

DJZen
11-07-2004, 04:33 AM
I'm definitely enjoying this. Keep up the good work. You'll have a million chapters before you get to the end, but it looks like you're tackling the game at a good pace.

Ultima Shadow
11-07-2004, 03:17 PM
Extremely funny! Keep it up man! :cool:

blacktrance
11-07-2004, 11:35 PM
Keep going! This stuff is hilarious!

Venom65437
11-08-2004, 04:36 AM
Another great episode, can't wait for more.

Outsider
11-08-2004, 09:40 AM
I made a promise to never post anything like "Good job man, I love that stuff", and then put a smile in the end.

But I have no other choice.

Good job man, I love that stuff :D

...

commodorejohn
11-10-2004, 01:48 AM
This is absolutely wonderful. I can't believe how retarded the translation in the US version is. Thank God I got a fantrans. In conclusion:
MORE! MORE! MORE!

DJZen
11-10-2004, 03:09 AM
If you think the FFII US translation was bad, play more NES games.

Necronopticous
11-12-2004, 06:09 AM
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<FONT face="courier new"><CENTER>Episode V - "The Empire Strikes Back"

Well, Edward and his overwhelming stupidity have been stealing the spotlight and Cecil doesn't like it, not one little bit. So in order to get things back to normal he breaks us in with another classic moment of emotionally tormenting Rydia.

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v190/devilmaykickass/ffvii/50.jpg" border="4">

"fire" must be that new lingo meaning "terrorist attack that I, myself, committed"

Now that Rosa has been "saved" and Edward has proven his manliness to his dead girlfriend and killed a rabid BushHag it's finally time to stop Golbez! FIRST STOP... uhh... A mountain... With a karate man on top... and some bombs.

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v190/devilmaykickass/ffvii/49.jpg" border="4">

This karate man will be a great asset to your team due to his permanently inflamed nasal passages that allow him to sneeze on his foes at will. As soon as you meet him you'll be forced into a boss battle against MomBomb.

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v190/devilmaykickass/ffvii/46.jpg" border="4">

I'm guessing the idea behind this hideous beast's name was that he/she's the "mother of all bombs" although the name doesn't really suggest that at all. MomBomb can be tough if you don't put Yang's ancient mucus technique to good use. Covering Mombomb with snot is an assured win in this battle. A flying dragon kick couldn't hurt either.

Yang begins his emotionally moving story about how his training buddies were just murdered by bombs but Cecil, being the complete and total asshole that he is, uses his famed "this-has-nothing-to-do-with-what-you're-saying" phrase technique.

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v190/devilmaykickass/ffvii/48.jpg" border="4">

"My friends and I were ambushed and..."
"Yeah, cool, whatever, we're going to Fabul"

Cecil is already scared of losing the focus of the story progression again to the karate master Yang so he makes a pre-emptive blow at Rydia this time.

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v190/devilmaykickass/ffvii/47.jpg" border="4">

Cecil doesn't want Yang to be any more important than himself although he does realize that Yang has great (and unusual) powers and thus forces him to join the party. Yang is told that, if he refuses, Cecil will hold him down and spray decongestant in his nostrils rendering his lifetime of nasal-kung-fu training utterly useless.

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v190/devilmaykickass/ffvii/45.jpg" border="4">

After you're finished on the mountain, head to Fabul as you originally planned. You can do lots of interesting things in Fabul that no person in their right mind would want to pass up. Start out by talking to this young man:

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v190/devilmaykickass/ffvii/42.jpg" border="4">

Sounds like a great idea little fella, however... It would be of a little help if you explained just who in the hell you were talking about you randomly violent little son of a...

Next pay a visit to Yang's wife

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v190/devilmaykickass/ffvii/43.jpg" border="4">
<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v190/devilmaykickass/ffvii/44.jpg" border="4">

Ah... Just the response I expected.

Anyway, if you're feeling spent you can catch some Z's in the least likely of places.

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v190/devilmaykickass/ffvii/41.jpg" border="4">

This speaker of this troublemaking piece of dialogue insisted that he/she remain anonymous. My money is on Cecil, that bastard.

After you're done causing trouble in Fabul, go have a chat with the King.

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v190/devilmaykickass/ffvii/40.jpg" border="4">

I don't see how this King gets anything accomplished responding to everything he discovers by screaming "Truly!?" at the top of his lungs. No, we were just pulling your leg King, you fell for it.

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v190/devilmaykickass/ffvii/39.jpg" border="4">

Why bother? I'm pretty sure Cecil could hold off any enemy force with his spelling and grammar mistakes alone.

After an intense battle against the invading enemy force, the team is forced to the last stronghold to protect the crystal from Golbez, the crystal room itself. Kain will now make his first appearance since the terrorist attack at Village Mist.

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v190/devilmaykickass/ffvii/38.jpg" border="4">

Playing through this scene is almost like playing Final Fantasy IV on a foreign rom, you just kind of have to put together what's happening through the pictures rather than the text because it's completely nonsensical.

And just when you thought it couldn't be worse.

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v190/devilmaykickass/ffvii/37.jpg" border="4">

Stunning entrance. Chills my bones every time I see it.

Well, needless to say, Kain bitchslaps Cecil, takes the crystal and also kidnaps Rosa. After all of the things that Cecil's already accomplished I'm not even impressed.

Before Golbez and his gang left with their loot they tortured the King of Fabul by reading off a whole list of fun facts. The King now suffers from severe laryngitis. The Queen thinks he may never be able to scream "Truly!?" ever again. But she does show great confidence in the King's ability to overcome it.

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v190/devilmaykickass/ffvii/36.jpg" border="4">

Hmm, actually I take back what I just said. I'm not so sure this is confidence, it could just be bad writing...

Yeah... Bad writing.

TO BE CONTINUED!
(Truly!?)

</FONT>
</CENTER>
</TABLE>
</CENTER>

Venom65437
11-12-2004, 06:19 AM
YES! THIS WAS GREAT!

Give me more!!

Big D
11-12-2004, 06:57 AM
This is probably going to go down in EoFF - no, Final Fantasy - history as an all-time classic:D

I can't believe how bad the dialogue is in the original game. I'm glad to own the PSX version.

Necronopticous
11-12-2004, 07:00 AM
1000 Views. Glory.

Takara
11-12-2004, 08:50 AM
Yay! An update! Loved it.

If you don't mention anything about the dancer in Mysidia that turns Cecil into a pig in the next episodes, I'm going to be disappointed. :p

Flashback007
11-12-2004, 09:45 AM
yeah, I loved it. You are great in this stuff. I am looking foward to the next bard.......I mean part.

Ultima Shadow
11-12-2004, 02:26 PM
Simply brilliant!!!:D

Necronopticous
11-12-2004, 05:41 PM
The Final Fantasy "Ah, The Power of Cheese" website is officially coming soon. I've pretty much completed the design, now I just need to find a home for it. Anyone interested in giving me a few megs of their webspace and immortalizing it with "Ah, The Power of Cheese"?

Just let me know.

Captain Maxx Power
11-12-2004, 06:14 PM
The Final Fantasy "Ah, The Power of Cheese" website is officially coming soon. I've pretty much completed the design, now I just need to find a home for it.

Truly?!

Hinky the Pickle
11-12-2004, 07:00 PM
Generic positive feedback, Necronopticous!

And as you already know I'm more than willing to host your website. Send the files to my e-mail when you get the chance. :)

MoonsEcho
11-12-2004, 09:15 PM
I :<3: Necronopticous.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

XadamX
11-12-2004, 09:29 PM
That's hilarious [B]When will the next one be out[U]I want more

Necronopticous
11-13-2004, 04:52 AM
<A href="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/">Final Fantasy IV "Ah, The Power of Cheese" Version 1.0</A>

Enjoy.

MoonsEcho
11-13-2004, 06:01 AM
The site looks GREAT! Can't wait for Episode VI.

:D

Del Murder
11-13-2004, 07:31 AM
It is satisfying to know that our forums have spawned something so great, so powerful. I'm tempted to make a global announcement praising this thread for all those who never come to I-IV, but if they don't come in here then they don't deserve it.

Necronopticous
11-13-2004, 07:47 AM
It's awesome that you guys enjoy it. I will continue the episodes in this thread as usual you don't actually ever have to visit the site, but I did spend lots of time on it, so I hope it is enjoyable as well :D

Takara
11-13-2004, 09:18 AM
Love the site. :D If I want to read one particular episode, I can go read it without having to search through 60+ posts. Much better too for loading time, especially since I am on crappy dial-up.

Flashback007
11-13-2004, 10:55 PM
You did a great job on the site. I like it very much, you are a great one. Continue with this and you will go down in the History of EoFF, I think.

Venom65437
11-14-2004, 02:16 AM
That is so awesome! This is the best thread ever!!

Halenite
11-15-2004, 06:53 PM
Yay! It's own website!

Truly?!

XadamX
11-15-2004, 07:37 PM
Sweet website
When is VI out

Halenite
11-15-2004, 11:29 PM
Yeah, you should do one for VI!

Kawaii Ryűkishi
11-16-2004, 01:13 AM
The whole point here is making fun of FFIV's ridiculous translation. FFVI didn't have a ridiculous translation, so it wouldn't work.

abrojtm
11-16-2004, 01:41 AM
I believe he meant where is VI as in where is episode VI, and FFVI did have a rather sub-par "son of a submariner" translation, but it wasn't nearly as bad or spoofable as this (some parts are, however).

Kawaii Ryűkishi
11-16-2004, 01:58 AM
Zadam meant Episode VI, and Halenite meant FFVI, I figured.

Sefie1999AD
11-16-2004, 11:02 PM
The new episodes were good and funny. Truly!? There's one thing I'd like to mention, though. The Bard is called Edward (Gilbert in the Japanese version). Edgar is the king of Figaro in FFVI.

Necronopticous
11-16-2004, 11:16 PM
The Bard is called Edward (Gilbert in the Japanese version). Edgar is the king of Figaro in FFVI.
Yeah, I know... Someone pointed this out to me earlier. I already fixed it on the site, my fault.

Ironman0723
11-17-2004, 12:39 AM
PLEASE Finish Episode VI soon!!!!!!!!!!!

DJZen
11-17-2004, 08:16 AM
FFVI did have a rather sub-par "son of a submariner" translation.

Don't start all that..... please don't.........

Ace Protorney
11-19-2004, 11:29 PM
Wow, I'm very impressed. This is very funny and I actually enjoyed reading it. Great stuff!

abrojtm
11-23-2004, 03:06 AM
The non-updatedness makes me sad in the pants.

Necronopticous
11-23-2004, 03:26 AM
Series 1 is over, this thread is taking a break while I have lots of papers and tests to study for and complete. Series 2 will pick back up soon don't you worry :D

i-kant
11-30-2004, 10:08 PM
Can you put all these comics on a webpage (i have some webspace if you can send me these comics in picture or word format)? I would love to share these with my friends who aren't with this board.

Necronopticous
11-30-2004, 10:22 PM
Click on the CHEESE in my signature, I'm way ahead of you.

Necronopticous
12-04-2004, 03:44 AM
<CENTER>Series 2</CENTER>
<CENTER>
<TABLE border="4" bordercolor="white" bgcolor="blue" width="650" cellpadding="4">
<TR><TD bordercolor="blue" align="left">
<FONT face="courier new"><CENTER>Episode I - "Affirmative Action is going to be all over this"

The King of Fabul is officially put down, so as you probably already guessed, you'll be getting a slick new ride. This time you don't have to have three rocks sticking out of the water to pass.

And so, it's time once more to head off in no particular direction until you run into trouble again. Before you leave Yang will share some touching dialogue with his wife.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/66.jpg" border="4">

Yeah, I think it's safe to assume Yang never gets any.

Anyway, the crew of dwarf clones is utterly fascinated with Cecil for some reason and the Captain even offers his personal welcome to you.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/65.jpg" border="4">

Feat eh?... I wonder if he's talking about how you just failed to protect the kingdom of Fabul? Or maybe he's a sadist that has heard about how much abuse you dish out to Rydia on a regular basis?

I suppose he could be referring to any of the <i>wonderful</i> things Cecil has done so far in the game... Uh oh! Looks like trouble!

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/64.jpg" border="4">

Wait-

I think there's trouble... Umm, What does that exclaiming sentence even mean? It seems to be a question although it's just a loud, assertive remark.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/63.jpg" border="4">

Oh, Leviathan, king serpent of the seas, right. Okay so there is trouble, glad that's cleared up.

After Leviathan decides to attack you for no reason you'll all be hurdled from the ship. Cecil is somehow trajected into the air where he travels miles in a southward direction conveniently placing him right next to the town that progresses the story and leaving him teamless so that he can have spies in his party without breaking the 5 member team limit. Very slick.

Cecil is speechless at the situation. Well, almost.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/62.jpg" border="4">

Funny, I was thinking the <i>same</i> thing.

So just where is it that Cecil lands? Well, you've been here before in the game, except last time you were offing old guys. Anyway, the place isn't too thrilled about you being back and they do all kinds of nasty things to you.

This includes poisoning you,

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/35.jpg" border="4">

Turning you into a pig (and laughing about it with incremental pauses),

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/67.jpg" border="4">

And worst of all, confusing you with really, really bad game translation.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/34.jpg" border="4">

Hmm, something tells me he doesn't understand.

The following conversation that takes place with the elder is basically impossible to understand but luckily, again, you can sort of make it out from what happens.

You'll be assigned two helpers (spies!) to assist you in becoming a Paladin. If you succeed they'll totally forgive you for killing their citizens and stealing their most prized possession, sounds like a deal!

Make your way out of town and up the mountain to get started on your task. Half way up you'll meet up with an old friend, Tellah! He's still pissed off but since you only have 3 out of 5 spots in your party filled he joins you - and its a good thing he does otherwise you might not suspect that you'd have to fight a boss at the top of the mountain.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/33.jpg" border="4">

You have to be pretty damn evil for someone to physically feel your evilness.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/32.jpg" border="4">

OH NO It's the bush hag again! Oh wait, scratch that.

After casually introducing himself and shaking your hands, Milon will initiate battle with you and magically have undead zombies fighting alongside him.

Dispatch the mysterious zombies before you go for Milon as they'll eat your brains if you don't kill them. After you do enough damage to Milon he'll use his "12 Periods in a Single Textbox" attack.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/31.jpg" border="4">

After you defeat Milon walk 4 steps and you'll fight another boss.

Milon, again. Very exciting stuff. Beat him again and he'll tell you that you did so.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/30.jpg" border="4">

After this its all downhill, literally. Cecil becomes a paladin and swears he will never be such an asshole ever again, Tellah spontaneously remembers all of his spells, and the group returns together for a warm welcome.

Well, it didn't work for Michael Jackson, but Cecil is sure getting a good response from going dark to light. This black mage is so excited he decides to exclaim the obvious.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/29.jpg" border="4">

TO BE CONTINUED!
(Is that true!)

</FONT>
</CENTER>
</TABLE>
</CENTER>

i-kant
12-04-2004, 06:07 AM
thanks man. I actually burst out laughing on occasions...awesome stuff :)

Flashback007
12-04-2004, 10:26 AM
It's fantasticly. I enjoy it. It's a piece of art.

Captain Maxx Power
12-04-2004, 04:19 PM
They're gonna write songs about this stuff. Then somebody will parody those songs.

Halenite
12-04-2004, 08:43 PM
That comment about Michael Jackson is absolutely horrible!
Yet so true.

Hurry with the next episode.

But do not hurry.

Ultima Shadow
12-04-2004, 09:02 PM
It's all just great stuff!!! Keep it up!!! ;)

MoonsEcho
12-04-2004, 10:09 PM
Hurry with the next episode.

But do not hurry.

XD

Yay for the start of Series 2! That made my day. :love:

Necronopticous
12-04-2004, 10:23 PM
That comment about Michael Jackson is absolutely horrible!
Yet so true.

Hence the title of the episode.

Takara
12-05-2004, 01:54 AM
Fantastic, as expected.

Hinky the Pickle
12-05-2004, 05:45 AM
You rule. Seriously.

feioncastor
12-05-2004, 06:52 AM
While this thing was insanely funny, the coversation between the elder and Cecil wasn't at all confusing.



Cecil: I must hurry!
Elder: I do understand.
But do not hurry.


What is so confusing about that? Cecil lets the elder know that he needs to hurry, and the elder is saying that he understands why Cecil would be in a hurry, but is letting him know that being in a hurry is a bad idea here because haste generally makes waste.

Also, this is from the first episode:


Cecil unleashes a variety of attacks that kill any horde of aggressive enemy force in seconds, of course once you get control of Cecil he magically forgets how to do them and never remembers for the remainder of the game.

No, he doesn't forget. "Litbolt" and "Firebomb" are items, not skills, and you do get them in Japanese version. Also, you can use a Game Genie for the US version (FFII) and buy things from stores called "Dummy", and all that these mysterious "dummy" items are. They are items originally from FF4 that were omitted to make the game more simple. Some other items include the Smut, and the various healing items. For example, there used to be eyedrops for blind, echo screen for silence, mallet for mini, and so forth. But when we got the game, they condensed them all into "Heal", because it would be too complex for our fragile American brains....

Oh my god, I'm so lame because I point out dumb stuff like that. I swear, I really just need to shut the f**k up every now and then. My bad.

Feion

Necronopticous
12-05-2004, 07:40 AM
What is so confusing about that? Cecil lets the elder know that he needs to hurry, and the elder is saying that he understands why Cecil would be in a hurry, but is letting him know that being in a hurry is a bad idea here because haste generally makes waste.

Is that true!


No, he doesn't forget. "Litbolt" and "Firebomb" are items, not skills, and you do get them in Japanese version. Also, you can use a Game Genie for the US version (FFII) and buy things from stores called "Dummy", and all that these mysterious "dummy" items are. They are items originally from FF4 that were omitted to make the game more simple. Some other items include the Smut, and the various healing items. For example, there used to be eyedrops for blind, echo screen for silence, mallet for mini, and so forth. But when we got the game, they condensed them all into "Heal", because it would be too complex for our fragile American brains....

Don't forget that there couldn't have possibly been references to the terrorist attacks on the world trade centers either, and there isn't any monster in Final Fantasy IV called a <b>Bush Hag</b> (*see image), and that Cecil doesn't actually try to kill Rydia in Village Mist after she survives the package.

I don't think "Ah, The Power of Cheese" means to be a very accurate account of the events in Final Fantasy IV, although that's just my opinion.

<CENTER><IMG src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/shirt-bushhag.jpg"></CENTER>

Dignified Pauper
12-05-2004, 07:50 AM
I would love to see what you have to say about Mystic Quest, or some of the scenes in FF6

Saint_007
12-06-2004, 04:25 PM
Oh good lord... I'm dying with laughter!!

Halenite
12-06-2004, 06:37 PM
I would love to see what you have to say about Mystic Quest, or some of the scenes in FF6

Oh, GAWD!
I can just imagine some of the MQ stuff.

Dignified Pauper
12-07-2004, 04:18 AM
yea, exactly, Mystic Quest was by far more cheesy than FFIV... though I still consider it a good game.

Ultima Shadow
12-07-2004, 07:45 PM
Oh my god, I'm so lame because I point out dumb stuff like that. I swear, I really just need to shut the f**k up every now and then.

Agreed! :p

Martyr
12-07-2004, 08:20 PM
Wow. This is outstanding. It's as good or better than other comics on the net. Awesome. Hilarious.

But, uh, while I read this, I ate fried chicken. And then, instead of eating ice cream for desert, I thought that beany-weenies might be healthier. or something. SO I ate that.
I had the most wicked, pseudo-nauseating (I couldn't throw up even though I kinda wanted to) stomach ache. But I didn't have the strength of will to stop reading this. So with every joke I was just dying because I couldn't stop laughing and my laughing was destroying my stomach.

I have a love/hate relationship with you for this.
Hopefully I won't have a killer stomach ache the next time you post.


...!?

Misfit
12-07-2004, 08:23 PM
Ohh, this is EXCELLENT! *claps*

Flying Mullet
12-07-2004, 08:48 PM
<TABLE border="4" bordercolor="white" bgcolor="blue" width="500" cellpadding="4"><TR><TD bordercolor="blue" align="left"><FONT face="courier new"><CENTER>Well, it didn't work for Michael Jackson, but Cecil is sure getting a good response from going dark to light. </FONT></CENTER></TABLE></CENTER>
Loving it! :thumb: :love: :rock:

Auronhart
12-08-2004, 01:50 AM
:lol: :lol: :lol:. It's hillarious, keep up the good work.

Necronopticous
12-11-2004, 10:16 AM
<CENTER>
<TABLE border="4" bordercolor="white" bgcolor="blue" width="650" cellpadding="4">
<TR><TD bordercolor="blue" align="left">
<FONT face="courier new"><CENTER>Episode II - "Underdeveloped characters make good bosses"

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/80.jpg" border="4">

I admit, discarding your old ways and becoming a Paladin was pretty awesome but I don't know if it merits exclaiming and questioning a double set of ellipses.

I don't know if it's just me, but I'd expect this "legendary sword" to be pretty damn good, but of course, a little while later you'll be buying a sword whose power doubles this one from some town weapon shop.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/79.jpg" border="4">

Hmm, I feel sort of uncomfortable taking advice from a town elder who willingly admits he knows absolutely nothing about anything. He should give himself more credit, after all, he's a master of being badly translated.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/78.jpg" border="4">

Before actually taking the Serpent Road talk to this guy:

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/77.jpg" border="4">

It's easy to do something for an undefined amount of time purposely given with no reference points. In this guy's logic, I also just wished ever since, therefore I am still not impressed with the knowledgeless elder.

After you take the Serpent Road you'll find yourself all the way back at Baron, talking to the townsfolk will give you hints at where you should go. The clues are subtle and slight, for example: "There is a karate man in the Inn"

Upon entering the Inn, you'll find Yang, surprise, surprise.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/76.jpg" border="4">

You'll have to face Yang and his two henchmen in battle, but if you think a plot twist is coming, think again.

Yang is a weakling and goes down easily, especially with the help of Tellah's newly remembered spells, but nothing is going to stop him from telling you to Shut up! before you put him down.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/75.jpg" border="4">

That includes the fact that you didn't even say anything...

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/73.jpg" border="4">

And the award for worst possible grammar and diction goes to... Tellah!

After properly catching up and reuniting with Yang in the Inn, head for the very convenient secret waterway into the castle. Upon reaching the castle you'll be greeted by Baigan the Cheif Guard of Baron who will also join your party.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/72.jpg" border="4">

Hmmm...

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/71.jpg" border="4">

The only thing fishy is that getting Baigan in your team would mean that you'd have 6 members where 5 are only allowed in the engine of the game. So naturally, he turns into a boss monster. Rawwr.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/70.jpg" border="4">

After you kill Baigan you'll get the opportunity you've been waiting for since the beginning of the game, finally being able to confront the King of Baron to give him a piece of your mind.

Okay, save your breath, he's going to turn into a boss monster too.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/69.jpg" border="4">

You see? I don't want to say I told you so but...

Well, I guessed that the King would turn into a boss monster but never in my wildest dreams did I envision it being such an ugly one. Kainazzo is, hands down, the most horrendous looking creature Final Fantasy IV has to offer. Get your fill of his ugliness now because in after a couple lit-3's he'll be put down for good.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/68.jpg" border="4">

...But not without a last attempt to squash you on your way out of the throne room. Luckily Palom and Porom are there to sacrifice their lives to save you by casting stone on themselves. Soft would cure any other case of petrification but doesn't for this one. That's due to the um.... the fact that there is no reason. But rest assured, you can't heal them, reason or not.

Oh, and in case you were wondering if the King of Baron's dissapearance counts as the loss of an elderly man.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/28.jpg" border="4">

It does.

TO BE CONTINUED!
(If I don't get institutionalized from having recurring night terrors about Kainazzo)

</FONT>
</CENTER>
</TABLE>
</CENTER>

Hinky the Pickle
12-11-2004, 04:18 PM
XD! Keep up the jawesome work there, Necronopticous.

Halenite
12-11-2004, 10:07 PM
Yeah, Tellah has some of the worst grammar as far as I can see.

XadamX
12-12-2004, 12:12 AM
Man...Kainazoo is pretty ugly. Ya got that right.

i-kant
12-12-2004, 03:49 AM
woohoo. more more...

DarkMaelstrom
12-12-2004, 04:33 AM
serious talent man, serious talent..

by the way, on the ugliness scale,

FuSoYa > Kainazzo

theundeadhero
12-12-2004, 06:23 AM
by the way, on the ugliness scale,

FuSoYa > Kainazzo
When he's dead he looks like a mop!

Takara
12-12-2004, 07:41 AM
MOPU! XD

Sephex
12-13-2004, 05:55 AM
Wow.

Final Fantasy IV is my favorite game off all time. I played through the original english translation countless time. What you have done with the original American version is great! Keep them coming!

commodorejohn
12-13-2004, 08:07 AM
About the "Let's sleep in the King's bed!" line: in FFIIIj, when you go to the top of Princess Sara's tower in Sassoon Castle, you can walk up to Sara's bed and, er...put delicately, your righteous noble Light Warriors do some serious shakin' around during the night. So I'd assume that the thing about sleeping in the King's bed was a tip-off to FFIIIj's corresponding scene, but it shouldn't have been there for two reasons:
(1) Since Square never translated FFIIIj anyway, the scene in FFIV has no context and is just nonsensical. If the American audience knew that it was a tip-off, things would've made more sense.
(2) If the Light Warriors in FFIIIj were giving themselves a good time in the bed of a pretty girl, and Cecil is apparently supposed to be doing it in the bed of an old guy...ew, I don't wanna think about the implications there.

feioncastor
12-13-2004, 04:50 PM
When he's dead he looks like a mop!
He does indeed resemble a mop. Which is why he's so useful.

I mean, his skills as a magic user can't be matched, and when he's dead, he doubles as a mop, capable of soaking up the toughest spills. Fusoya's mop-esque appearence is not without reason.

Honestly, do you look anything like a mop when you're passed out? I think not.

Feion

Ultima Shadow
12-17-2004, 07:51 PM
Come up with the next chapter soon!

Necronopticous
12-18-2004, 03:28 AM
Don't worry, it's coming. I'm a busy man these days

<IMG src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/shirt-king.jpg">

Ironman0723
12-18-2004, 04:25 AM
Don't tempt us. ::drools::

squirrel
12-24-2004, 08:25 AM
more i say!

your comics have been one of the few things that haven't failed to make me laugh during this very difficult and depressing time i'm going through this winter.

yours as well as a certain fanfiction i read on another site... not sure if the author is on here, and i'd have to put proper credit, but its a parody on FFIV, really hysterical.

anyways... more cheese please! :D

nik0tine
12-24-2004, 08:38 AM
anyways... more cheese please!

More Ovaltine Please!

Mage_of_Fire
12-24-2004, 08:57 AM
No, he doesn't forget. "Litbolt" and "Firebomb" are items, not skills, and you do get them in Japanese version. Also, you can use a Game Genie for the US version (FFII) and buy things from stores called "Dummy", and all that these mysterious "dummy" items are. They are items originally from FF4 that were omitted to make the game more simple. Some other items include the Smut, and the various healing items. For example, there used to be eyedrops for blind, echo screen for silence, mallet for mini, and so forth. But when we got the game, they condensed them all into "Heal", because it would be too complex for our fragile American brains....

Oh my god, I'm so lame because I point out dumb stuff like that. I swear, I really just need to shut the f**k up every now and then. My bad.

Feion

Hmmm, I guess my rom must be translated then, cause I definitely have luck mallet's, diet food, echo herbs, etc... It is EXTREMELY annoying against enemies that have "Bad Breath"... :mad: Every status in the book except the good ones. And a turn for each one. Those stupid dinosaur things guarding the ribbon used it, but I reflected it back onto them! :D

Necronopticous
12-24-2004, 10:55 AM
<CENTER><FONT size="4"><B>Special Extended Edition!</B></FONT>
Parental Guidence Suggested</CENTER>

<CENTER>
<TABLE border="4" bordercolor="white" bgcolor="blue" width="650" cellpadding="4">
<TR><TD bordercolor="blue" align="left">
<FONT face="courier new"><CENTER>Episode III - "Rated R for Ridiculous"

Just as soon as you get comfy in your new ride, you'll be approached by Kain, still under thr control of Golbez. Cecil is informed that if he ever wants to see Rosa again he must obtain the earth crystal and hand it over.

Frightened by the thought of never seeing his girlfriend again, Cecil does what any one of us would. He goes to the town led by dozens of scantly clad women and home to the only brothel in the world, the great Toroia.

As would be expected, there are lots of interesting people in this town. Some of the highlights include the famed "bad grammar warning guy":

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/98.jpg" border="4">

The "Hmm, I wonder if TwinHarps will be essential to the story in the near future" girl:

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/95.jpg" border="4">

And the filthy old pervert:

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/94.jpg" border="4">

After you're done introducing yourself to the ladies walking around town (and skinny dipping in the lake) head to the whorehouse.

The Toroian whorehouse, referred to by its codename "Cafe" is one of the most interesting locations in the whole of Final Fantasy IV. I'll let the following images speak for themselves.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/93.jpg" border="4">

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/92.jpg" border="4">

One of the prostitutes will offer you a mysterious "pass" for a whopping 10,000 gil. For Cecil's sake, raise the money. This is Cecil's only chance in the game to receive questionable favors from the "showgirls"

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/91.jpg" border="4">

Whew.

Well, after you've satisfied Cecil's raging libido head to the strangely placed Black Chocobo farm in the brothel's basement. Be sure to read the headline posted to the wall.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/96.jpg" border="4">

And if that doesn't do it for you, perhaps the near phonetically impossible noise that Black Chocobos make will.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/97.jpg" border="4">

When the signs of bad translation show even in the random noises of farm animals in your video game, that's pretty bad news.

Anyway, once you're all done in town head for the castle.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/90.jpg" border="4">

You might be wondering if you missed something. Perhaps a background on this mysterious elf who is evil by nature and decided to steal the earth crystal.

The story of Dark Elf is as follows: He is a mysterious elf who is evil by nature and decided to steal the earth crystal. Trying to understand may spontaneously cause your head to explode. My advice is to not even bother.

Instead, go visit Edward!

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/89.jpg" border="4">
<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/88.jpg" border="4">

If you're thinking something along the lines of "What!?" then you're way ahead of yourself. Just <i>wait</i> until Cid opens his mouth.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/87.jpg" border="4">

This is what you would get at a restaurant if you ordered the "Irrelevent Textbox, (hold the sense.)"

Well, if you hadn't guessed, its time to catch a Black Chocobo and fly to the Dark Elf's cavern to retrieve the stolen earth crystal. Make sure to equip yourself with wooden armor and weapons so that you won't be affected by the magic-metal barrier that the Dark Elf created.

On a tangent, as it has went unsaid long enough.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/86.jpg" border="4">

VampGirls are <B><FONT color="RED">HOT</FONT></B>

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/85.jpg" border="4">

Oh yeah, Dark Elf is also a robot who speaks in all caps.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/84.jpg" border="4">

...while disregarding the more basic rules of semantics.

He might not be the most gramatically correct boss, but he never fails to wipe you out on his first couple of turns. Luckily, Edward's horrible music pulls through for you again.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/83.jpg" border="4">

That's right, it's so terrible that it disrupts magnetism and allows you to equip all of your metal weapons again. Take the opportunity to destroy Dark Elf and obtain the earth crystal!

But wait... Dark Elf seems to have more tricks up his sleeve!

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/82.jpg" border="4">
<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/81.jpg" border="4">

...nevermind

TO BE CONTINUED!
(After I finish printing out these VampGirl pinups <3)

</FONT>
</CENTER>
</TABLE>
</CENTER>

nik0tine
12-24-2004, 11:20 AM
NICE! Best one yet! I'll have you're share! That I will!

Behold the Void
12-24-2004, 11:39 AM
I've been converted, truly a magnificent thing. TRULY!?

Flashback007
12-24-2004, 01:49 PM
Great, it was great again. Ps. If you have some of those Vampire Girl pinups left,send them =P

theundeadhero
12-24-2004, 04:35 PM
Vampgirls ARE hot!

Auronhart
12-25-2004, 01:51 AM
:lol: :lol: :lol: Things don't get much funnier than The Power of Cheese. :lol: :lol: :lol:

Mage_of_Fire
12-25-2004, 04:05 AM
This is what you would get at a restaurant if you ordered the "Irrelevent Textbox, (hold the sense.)"

I love that. Good work.

Necronopticous
12-25-2004, 07:14 PM
<CENTER>
<TABLE border="4" bordercolor="white" bgcolor="blue" width="650" cellpadding="4">
<TR><TD bordercolor="blue" align="left">
<FONT face="courier new"><CENTER>MERRY CHRISTMAS!
</FONT>
</CENTER>
</TABLE>
</CENTER>

aeris2001x2
12-25-2004, 07:34 PM
lol.I can not believe i have not come on this thread before. Absolutly stunning stuf herer................. and yesh that is deliberate ironie.

I await tentatively for the next instalement :p

i-kant
12-26-2004, 06:18 PM
thanks necro :D

Flamethrower
12-26-2004, 08:06 PM
Holy crap. I honestly can't remember the last time I laughed this hard at something I read on a message board.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Hinky the Pickle
12-27-2004, 07:55 AM
Don't worry, me and my enterprise will leave positive feedback.

-N-
12-27-2004, 08:23 AM
Excellent work you have here. I'm pleased to see something of this caliber spawn from such a site as this. This could be big, man - you're sitting on a gold mine of raw humor. Keep it up! :)

Necronopticous
12-27-2004, 08:45 AM
Always nice to hear the feedback. I'm glad you all enjoy it, don't get too carried away, however, or I'll take all of your shares!

XadamX
12-29-2004, 03:50 PM
Amazing, MAKE MORE

Sephex
12-29-2004, 07:41 PM
Nice work again! Keep it up!

FiendAngelical
12-29-2004, 09:49 PM
I'm sad to say I didn't find this thread until a few days ago! I wanted to say I love the story! It's so hilarious!

Flamethrower
12-29-2004, 10:16 PM
This parody has inspired me to replay FFIV. :D

MJN SEIFER
12-29-2004, 10:42 PM
It's mostly funny. But Please Don't Do Michael Jackson jokes anymore - I find them offensive!

DJZen
12-29-2004, 11:41 PM
This parody makes me want to bite the idea and do the exact same thing for FFI.

Kawaii Ryűkishi
12-30-2004, 12:01 AM
<img src="http://www.planetnintendo.com/ff1/scrshots/snap361.gif" alt="No kidding?">

Necronopticous
12-30-2004, 04:31 AM
<CENTER>
<TABLE border="4" bordercolor="white" bgcolor="blue" width="650" cellpadding="4">
<TR><TD bordercolor="blue" align="left">
<FONT face="courier new"><CENTER>Episode IV - "Another one bites the dust"

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/116.jpg" border="4">

Great indeed. Now that you've retrieved the Earth Crystal from Dark Elf you have everything you need to get Rosa back from the evil clutches of Golbez.

Meet Kain!
In!
the airship!
To make the trade! Great!

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/115.jpg" border="4">

Oh no! The entire Red Wings clone crew has been turned into BushHags! If you don't want Rosa to suffer the same fate, you had better do what Kain says.

After ascending into the clouds alongside Kain's airship you'll somehow magically be inside a tower.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/114.jpg" border="4">

Ignore the impossible nature of the situation and press on.

(Cue evil lighting)

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/113.jpg" border="4">

Uh oh! It appears Golbez not only has Kain under control but Yuna from Final Fantasy X as well!

The following boss battle can be tough if you don't dispatch the sisters in the following order:

Fat one >> Short one >> Sexually suggestive one

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/112.jpg" border="4">

The magus sisters never suspect that you know to kill off the obese one first, thus, they never fail to be surprised when you win the fight.

Hurry on, Golbez is just ahead!

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/111.jpg" border="4">

YEAH! YOU FOUL TRAITOR!

...

Wait... Golbez was always on the bad guy side, not quite a traitor... Okay ignore that textbox!

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/110.jpg" border="4">

Nobody calls Tellah an old man and gets away with it!

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/109.jpg" border="4">
<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/108.jpg" border="4">

Well... at least not without saying GRRR......

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/106.jpg" border="4">

Unfortunately this is the end of Tellah, and while you might think that there is some deep symbolic significance or importance in his death, there isn't. You see, you're about to get Kain back on your team and rescue Rosa. This would make 6 members on your team, you get where this is going.

Speaking of rescuing Rosa.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/104.jpg" border="4">

Cozy? Don't you mean SEXY? Two characters in one sprite, now that's what I call hot.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/103.jpg" border="4">

Green lights AND hyphen-delimited syllabled laughter. This can only mean one thing.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/102.jpg" border="4">

A boss in a bikini!

No fears, with Kain back this fat-assed-less-than-half-dressed-horizontal-lightning-bolt-shaped-crack-for-eyes wench hardly poses a threat. But not even Kain's physics defying jump ability can rid you of Cid's reaction to a dangerous situation.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/101.jpg" border="4">

TO BE CONTINUED!
(And you were expecting a vehicle!)

</FONT>
</CENTER>
</TABLE>
<FONT size="4">How will the heroes escape the crumbling tower?!
Find out next time on the series 2 finalé of Final Fantasy IV: "Ah, The Power of Cheese"!</FONT>
</CENTER>

Hinky the Pickle
12-30-2004, 04:49 AM
In the words of Cid: Wooow! Can't wait for the next episode Necro-- erm... N-Dawg.

theundeadhero
12-30-2004, 04:51 AM
WooooooooW??

MoonsEcho
12-30-2004, 04:59 AM
Cheese always gets better with age.

Well done. :spin:


This parody makes me want to bite the idea and do the exact same thing for FFI.

Go for it! Humor is always appreciated.

Mage_of_Fire
12-30-2004, 06:36 AM
You can do a lot with FF1, even though the dialog is lacking, it's almost all bad!

Great stuff! TPOC! What about more? Another Episode??

...!!...!!

:) I'm enjoying it.

Takara
12-30-2004, 08:33 AM
Fat one >> Short one >> Sexually suggestive one

Priceless! :p

P.S.: OMGWTFBBQ!!! Look down at my sig! :eek: BOSS IN A BIKINI!!!!!!!!!!!!111oneone :hahaha:

Necronopticous
12-31-2004, 04:33 AM
But the one in your signature doesn't have a horizontal lightning bolt crack for eyes now DOES it?

Behold the Void
12-31-2004, 05:13 AM
Wonderful, as usual.

Sephex
12-31-2004, 06:36 AM
Once again...well done!

FiendAngelical
12-31-2004, 06:17 PM
:laugh: I loved it! It's so funny!

-N-
01-02-2005, 07:17 AM
Dude, for the next one, go talk to the Dwarf to the right of Giott.

"The King has shown more love to Luca since the Queen passed away!"

Hilarity.

Eldalosse
01-02-2005, 12:29 PM
This is utterly hilarious. I have laughed so hard, and this makes me want to play FFIV again.

-N-
01-03-2005, 08:03 AM
OH NOES! NO NEW VEHICLE! Remember what I posted earlier - it's hilarious.

Halenite
01-04-2005, 12:09 AM
Once again, great laughs necro.

can't wait for the next episode.

Buster Sword Strike
01-04-2005, 12:36 AM
rofl This is hillarious!

Mr.Mage
01-04-2005, 12:54 AM
Wow I just read all of those episodes. I usually don't have the attention span. This is absolutely amazing work, I crack up on every other line just about. I never noticed how stupid Cecil was until now. Poor avatar...

BlackCape
01-04-2005, 01:02 AM
LMFAO,I cant syop laughing! this is the funniest thing ever! pls finish the next one soon! *falls out of chair laughing* LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!

Necronopticous
01-04-2005, 06:30 AM
<CENTER>
<TABLE border="4" bordercolor="white" bgcolor="blue" width="650" cellpadding="4">
<TR><TD bordercolor="blue" align="left">
<FONT face="courier new"><CENTER>Episode V - "What?"

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/100.jpg" border="4">

Well, normally Rosa would deserve a "thanks!" and "good job!" but since half of the game has been saving her from the stupid situations she manages to get herself into, it's not necessary.

Well, if you've been waiting for some of questions that the game has opened up to be answered, the next scene will, at the very least, confuse you into thinking you just got some those answers.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/99.jpg" border="4">

Basically what Cid is trying to say tell you is that you need to drop a key made out of solidified magma down a bottomless well in order to open the way to the underworld.

In Cid's logic 'so to speak' we can also assume that his earlier outburst of "Wooow!" probably meant something along the lines of "There is a dog in my coffee"

You've got your path set out for you, since there is only one bottomless well in the world, however, if I were you I would spend some time around the town. You can start at the bookshelves in the observatory:

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/117.jpg" border="4">
<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/118.jpg" border="4">

It is sounding like very insight!

Okay, just one more stop, do yourself a favor and talk to... him:

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/27.jpg" border="4">

Um, no comment.

Drop the key in the well already!

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/139.jpg" border="4">

What?

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/140.gif" border="4">

Something tells me that dropping the key down the well would not result in this outcome but what the hell, right? Let's enter.

Just two seconds after you've entered the underworld you'll already encounter your first chunk of trouble.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/136.jpg" border="4">
<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/135.jpg" border="4">
<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/134.jpg" border="4">

Unfortunately, the Enterprise doesn't hold out, not even through improperly exclaimed bursts of shouting. But not to worry, Cecil has a genius solution to the predicament.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/133.jpg" border="4">

What?

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/132.jpg" border="4">

In case you were wondering...

Before going to meet King Giott, collect the following classic textbox on the left wing of the castle:

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/138.jpg" border="4">

OH! And just when you thought my logic was failing!

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/137.jpg" border="4">

I love being right.

Anyway, Giott turns out to be a very fine dwarf. Friendly and helpful, I wonder if he's got an ogrish one?

All is well until *gasp* the time when all is not well!

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/131.jpg" border="4">

What!?

The new and improved Yang with super extra-sensory powers! Now capable of feeling the act of someone listening in on your conversation. Take advantage of Yangs amazing power and head for the crystal room to face the eavesdroppers!

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/130.jpg" border="4">

I'm not sure which form is freakier...

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/129.jpg" border="4">
<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/128.jpg" border="4">

Regardless, now that you have Rosa's healing power restoring your team every turn Calbrena will go down in no time. Unfortunately, the trouble is far from over...

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/127.jpg" border="4">

Oh yeah and that too...

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/126.jpg" border="4">

Golbez!

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/123.jpg" border="4">

Oh no! Hold gas!

Golbez doesn't like to play fair and now you're totally defenseless to him! Why didn't he use this unstoppable move every other time you've come into contact with him? Could it be that he, himself realizes what an embarassingly dumb name it has?

Golbez calls upon his evil shadow dragon and sadistically watches as it devours your helpless party one by one... Just when all hope seems to be lost-

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/122.jpg" border="4">

Rydia saves the day!

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/121.jpg" border="4">

Doesn't surprise me that Cecil takes some of the credit for Rydia summoning and killing Golbez single handedly...

It also doesn't surprise me that the first thing he tries to do afterward is use a "yo mama" joke on Rydia:

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/120.jpg" border="4">

Rydia has truly grown, she is finally able to stand up to Cecil's relentless torment.

With Rydia back, the crystal safe, and Golbez defeated, it's truly a great day in the world of Final Fantasy IV!

...

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/119.jpg" border="4">

What?

TO BE CONTINUED!
(Get well Shelley!)

</FONT>
</CENTER>
</TABLE>
</CENTER>

squirrel
01-04-2005, 07:13 AM
LOL!!!

i love it! my favorite one yet! "an ogrish one...", "yo mama joke on Rydia" oh man, you kill me!

thanks jeremy :D you rock my world

<3

MoonsEcho
01-04-2005, 09:17 AM
:love:

That is all.

Flashback007
01-04-2005, 02:08 PM
Hmm, the new Rydia sprite is also very cool. Maybe new idea for Poster? :P. Anyway, it's as always fantastic.

Necronopticous
01-04-2005, 04:41 PM
If you can't see the pictures right now that's because the host is temporarily down, should be back up soon.

Sephex
01-04-2005, 05:58 PM
I thought the same thing about the "your mother..." line when I was a kid. I never really noticed how much they say "WHAT?!" either. Well done!

Flying Mullet
01-05-2005, 04:21 PM
Very funny. :) :thumb:

Quistis Trepe
01-05-2005, 04:38 PM
*applauds you* This really made my day. I hope you won't stop after FFIV is done, I'd love to see the same thing done to... ohhh... FFVII. Or VI, since I'd rather read something about VI than VII. And I'm sure they contain the same amount of poorly translated quotes. Not nearly as many as IV...

Flying Mullet
01-05-2005, 05:16 PM
Ted Woosley always makes for bad translations.

Necronopticous
01-05-2005, 05:44 PM
I'm doing pretty well on IV, I don't want to start talking about what I'm going to do afterward until this one is at least nearing completion. I'll just be happy to finish this game to be honest.

feioncastor
01-05-2005, 08:28 PM
I honestly haven't laughed that hard in a very long time. The "yo mama" joke and the "I wonder if he has an Ogrish one?" things were probably the highlights for me.

Feion

Hinky the Pickle
01-06-2005, 01:56 PM
What!?

Behold the Void
01-06-2005, 05:38 PM
Brilliant, as always.

Halenite
01-07-2005, 12:18 AM
I know I'm supposed to say something.

Oh yeah... What?!

lol, they do say that a lot don't they?

theundeadhero
01-08-2005, 09:50 PM
Since this if full of other requests, I would love to see one on how horrible FFVII is. Someone could make it on the monsters alone.

Dignified Pauper
01-08-2005, 10:29 PM
I think this should be published, it's absolutely hysterical.

Ultima Shadow
01-09-2005, 12:31 AM
Yeah, I laughed my ass off at the mother joke.
Yea, that one made my day! Great stuff Necro!!! :lol:

turnitup5000db
01-12-2005, 06:32 AM
Me: Freaking HILARIOUS.

King of Fabul: TRULY!?

Me: Stop that.

Lionx
01-12-2005, 02:40 PM
You know the part where goblez was saying to Tellah "This doesnt concern you old man"? I think Goblez has a thing for old men >_> Why else would Tellah say Traitor?! And why would Cid say the dangerous word of cheat? >_> it makes sense now...

Nice stuff ^^

abrojtm
01-13-2005, 12:38 AM
Ted Woosley always makes for bad translations.

But Woosley didn't translate FFIV. A team of Japanese people did.

Keep up the good work Necro.

Flying Mullet
01-13-2005, 01:20 AM
But Woosley didn't translate FFIV. A team of Japanese people did.
I was referring to FFVI when they were talking about making fun of its script.

abrojtm
01-13-2005, 01:39 AM
Oh, right :). FFVI's script was nothing compared to FFIV's though, at least they made an effort for the plot to make sense (you son of a submariner!!! xD).

feioncastor
01-13-2005, 07:45 AM
(you son of a submariner!!! xD).
I haven't the foggiest!

Flying Mullet
01-13-2005, 03:34 PM
We want more! We want more! We want more!

Necronopticous
01-15-2005, 11:07 AM
<CENTER>Series 3</CENTER>
<CENTER>
<TABLE border="4" bordercolor="white" bgcolor="blue" width="650" cellpadding="4">
<TR><TD bordercolor="blue" align="left">
<FONT face="courier new"><CENTER>Episode I - "They were clearly out of ideas"

Golbez is obviously one tough cookie, but I don't think anyone expected him to have the power to survive solely through his severed hand. Not only does he continue to live through it, he also displays that he is able to talk with it, walk with it, dim the lights in the room with it, and worst yet: steal the crystal and dissapear with it!

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/166.jpg" border="4">

Honestly, if this twist came as a surprise to you, you need to get out more.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/165.jpg" border="4">

This sounds like a really great idea, but it's really your only option since there is absolutely no where else you can go in the underworld on foot.

Before you take off, make some conversation.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/164.jpg" border="4">

Something tells me that this is not a very secure password.

And of course:

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/163.jpg" border="4">

Kind words, really.

Once you're gotten your fill of dwarves head off toward the Tower of Bab-il.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/162.jpg" border="4">

*Screenshot not pictured to scale!

The Tower of Bab-il is exactly like the Tower of Zot making it highly uninteresting to go through, however, at the end you will get to face off against Dr. Frankenstein and his Monster so hang in there!

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/161.jpg" border="4">

You said it!

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/159.jpg" border="4">

What? Did you think I was kidding about this? I wouldn't get your hopes up for nothing. Don't be frightened by the appearance of this boss, after all, the battle is easier than it would be for Mary Shelley to sue Squaresoft.

To avoid a lawsuit, in Final Fantasy IV, Dr. Frankenstein magically turns into a mechanical skeleton that likes to poison you.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/157.jpg" border="4">
<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/156.jpg" border="4">

Classy.

But just when you think you've bested the rip off, he's got another cliché up his sleeve!

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/155.jpg" border="4">

Dwarves, Biblical towers, Frankenstein, Robot Skeletons, and Super Cannons all in a half hour of gameplay.

Wow.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/154.jpg" border="4">

Silly girl, dwarves are always in danger. They're dwarves! You had better hurry and stop the cannon anyway, Giott was a nice guy after all.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/153.jpg" border="4">
<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/152.jpg" border="4">
<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/151.jpg" border="4">

I think it's safe to say Cecil just got moated.

The good thing is that whenever someone says there is absolutely no way to do something in an RPG it usually means it is entirely possible, and about to happen.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/150.jpg" border="4">

Even if it means someone had to sacrifice themselves. *gasp*

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/149.jpg" border="4">

No need, living is something human beings do by default.

...Unless, of course, you happen to be Yang right now

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/148.jpg" border="4">

TO BE CONTINUED!
(This is the first time I've used "moated" since Jr. High, I swear)

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nik0tine
01-15-2005, 03:06 PM
No need, living is something human beings do by default.

...Unless, of course, you happen to be Yang right now

:love: :love: :love: :love: !!!!!!

Flamethrower
01-15-2005, 03:15 PM
ROFL

"Tell my wife...to live for me!"

Flying Mullet
01-15-2005, 04:12 PM
Loving it! :thumb:

Behold the Void
01-15-2005, 09:24 PM
You updating=me not stabbing you :D :D :D

Ultima Shadow
01-15-2005, 10:38 PM
Great stuff! C'mon! I want the next one NOW!!! :D

theundeadhero
01-16-2005, 12:02 AM
If the next one is done by Tuesday I will :<3: you.

PearlRose
01-16-2005, 04:07 AM
Just beat the game for the first time this evening. This was very funny before, and now, it's hilarious. ^^

Thanks for the awesome commentary.

DJZen
01-16-2005, 04:29 AM
Ted Woosley always makes for bad translations.

You REALLY can't compare what Woolsey did to what the FFIV translation team did. Woolsey's script was intelligable and coherent. Doing a FFVI parody would be about 3 panels long, and consist of Kefka calling Edgar a "son of a submariner!" Locke stealing some poor bum's clothes, and Celes contemplating how fun it would be to jump off a cliff. There, I just gave you the entire thing.


Since this if full of other requests, I would love to see one on how horrible FFVII is. Someone could make it on the monsters alone.

Get me a PS emulator that can take screens and I'll do it.

Flashback007
01-16-2005, 02:01 PM
Hmmm, you should probarly do it about FFI too. That has more stupid translationmistakes. Oh, and I love the new episode.

Sefie1999AD
01-16-2005, 09:40 PM
Great new episode, as usual. I don't think FFVI translation was that bad. You'd be limited to at most 10 bad translations if you wanted to do an FFVI parody, and that's not much. I have a PSX emulator and FF7 PSX, and I could take screenshots, but I don't think FF7 translation was that bad overall. The script is huge there, 300-400+ pages for merely dialogue, so if there's one page worth of typos, that's still less than one percent of the game. And those tlansrations were fixed in the PC version anyway.

Finally, is it just me or are FFIV characters saying "What...!" or "What!" really frequently? :D

Behold the Void
01-17-2005, 12:15 AM
A good one to do would be Final Fantasy Tactics. The Engrish is awesome.

theundeadhero
01-17-2005, 12:51 AM
That game is too awe inspiring to make fun of. Any hope of the next one being done by Tuesday?

Flamethrower
01-17-2005, 01:53 AM
You REALLY can't compare what Woolsey did to what the FFIV translation team did. Woolsey's script was intelligable and coherent. Doing a FFVI parody would be about 3 panels long, and consist of Kefka calling Edgar a "son of a submariner!" Locke stealing some poor bum's clothes, and Celes contemplating how fun it would be to jump off a cliff. There, I just gave you the entire thing.


The translations of FFVI arn't that bad, but there's still plenty of parts in the game that are strange or corny enough to make a good parody of. Example: The citizens of Doma all drinking the poisoned water, not seeming to realize that GLOWING PURPLE WATER = BAD. Not to mention just about everything Ultros says.

-N-
01-17-2005, 11:44 AM
WHY DIDN'T YOU DO THIS :mad:

Necronopticous
01-17-2005, 11:55 AM
It's a great line but it was mentioned earlier in the thread which sort of takes some of the surprise out of it. If you like a certain cheesy part of the game it's most likely to see the finished episodes if there is no external references to it.

Same reason I didn't put a You Spoony Bard! image in there.

Necronopticous
01-18-2005, 09:08 AM
<CENTER>
<TABLE border="4" bordercolor="white" bgcolor="blue" width="650" cellpadding="4">
<TR><TD bordercolor="blue" align="left">
<FONT face="courier new"><CENTER>Episode II - "Cid is da bomb"

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/146.jpg" border="4">

Golbez may not put his words together in a clear or coherent manner, but since the lights have dimmed we can safely assume that this is a threat. Better think of something fast!

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/145.jpg" border="4">
<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/144.jpg" border="4">

Whew!

Well, that was convenient, unfortunately the Red Wings are after you in hot pursuit and catching up fast! With everything on the line, Cid decides to sacrifice his life so that you can make a safe escape.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/194.jpg" border="4">

Yang somehow stopped a supercannon by locking himself in the room with it, and Cid rebuilds a mountain by jumping out of an airship and blowing himself to pieces... <i>right</i>

Never said it had to make sense, but it's damn funny to watch.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/193.jpg" border="4">
<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/192.jpg" border="4">

And it assures us a sweet new ride in the near future.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/191.jpg" border="4">

Sorry Kain, I'm sure if Cid knew you were so concerned he would have killed himself in a much safer way.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/190.jpg" border="4">

Did he give that order before or after he fell to his exploding death?

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/189.jpg" border="4">

I have no idea what the hell that means.

...

Yang and Cid...

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/188.jpg" border="4">

THANK YOU!

Again, your new vehicle capability only allows you to go to one new area in the entire world. That must be the next destination.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/187.jpg" border="4">

And what a way to start it off.

This is probably the least interesting "town" in the whole of Final Fantasy IV, if you even have the nerve to call it a town.

Even the Namingway in this place gets on my nerves. If I were you, I would hurry on as soon as you possibly can.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/186.jpg" border="4">

There is much better things to experience in the cave following anyway, for instance:

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/185.jpg" border="4">

I guess it wasn't the monsters who brought this one down.

After a few battles and other soldiers who felt the wrath of the temperamental prince, it's finally time to meet him.

And boy oh boy does he suck

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/182.jpg" border="4">

<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pwned">Pwned.</A>

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/180.jpg" border="4">

Aww, cheer up there Rydia, we have awesome vehicles to compensate for all of them! That hook was more useful than Cid ever was.

Heal up Edge and start heading up the Tower of Bab-il... Again.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/179.jpg" border="4">
<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/176.jpg" border="4">

Poor kid... I don't know if it's worse that his parents have been turned into horrible beasts or that they improperly use "the" in their threats against him.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/175.jpg" border="4">

Can't say I blame him for being so angry, although I'm not sure I'd ever make that noise.

But wait... There is something Rubicant doesn't know about Edge. When in a rage, he gains unspeakable powers!

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/174.jpg" border="4">
<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/173.jpg" border="4">
<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/172.jpg" border="4">

And it does erm... -376 damage...

No matter, the members of your team who are actually worth the space in your party will take Rubicant out without a problem.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/169.jpg" border="4">

Don't worry Edge, your father's death was not in vain...

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/168.jpg" border="4">
<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/167.jpg" border="4">

TO BE CONTINUED!
(Two handsome princes as permanent characters, good lord)

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Flashback007
01-18-2005, 09:42 AM
It rocks like always. Especially "The Incredible power"-part from Edge is great

Halenite
01-18-2005, 03:39 PM
Maybe Edge should've thought to wait until Rubicant took his cloak off.

Flying Mullet
01-18-2005, 04:44 PM
"Pwned"

Love it! :thumb:

Behold the Void
01-18-2005, 05:29 PM
Good job.

Shoden
01-18-2005, 06:20 PM
man thats rich, it makes me want to continue ffIV im still stuck on that friggin dark elf :( man you make cid look like a wimp and a woman

Alexander
01-19-2005, 10:44 PM
The images of the last one you posted aren't appearing! And I NEED to see this one! T__T (and I wanna see too, the other ones are so funny XD)

m4tt
01-19-2005, 11:08 PM
Hey I just spent the last hour reading all these (like I said I would over a month ago <_< ) Good stuff! So if I get fired it's your fault.

Sefie1999AD
01-20-2005, 03:18 PM
Good one. Especially the -376 damage thing.

Xzirox
01-20-2005, 03:22 PM
You have brought a whole new meaning to the word 'ownage' :D

Citizen Bleys
01-20-2005, 06:43 PM
Wow, this rules. Glad I followed that link

Craig
01-20-2005, 07:46 PM
Wow, this rules. Glad I followed that link

Psychotic
01-20-2005, 11:17 PM
Wow, this rules. Glad I followed that linkSame. Although actually I first saw this yesterday and thought "I will read all this tomorrow!" and your link reminded me that tomorrow was now today. :love:

abrojtm
01-20-2005, 11:51 PM
Since when is Cecil a prince? I mean, King Baron was his adopted father, but does that make him a prince?

Necronopticous
01-21-2005, 05:16 AM
Edward + Edge.

Behold the Void
01-21-2005, 07:42 AM
Noooo! I thought you posted another one!

Xzirox
01-21-2005, 05:06 PM
Same here :(

lol, dont fool us like that :p j/k

Destai
01-21-2005, 05:51 PM
You've got serious talent. Looking forward to the next one.

Hinky the Pickle
01-24-2005, 01:18 AM
Hee hee, all those useless sacrifices in FFIV always pissed me off. Can't wait to see more man. You could certainly make some funny comments on the number of times you visit the tower of Bab-il (man, that was annoying as hell).

commodorejohn
01-26-2005, 02:53 AM
Edward + Edge.
Edward's not handsome, he's girly.

This thing just keeps rocking. Keep up the awesome work!

Ultima Shadow
01-27-2005, 06:48 PM
C'mon... I can't wait for the next one! :)

ps: almost 6400 views... :eek:
;)

Trumpet Thief
01-27-2005, 07:01 PM
chaos: This is truly a masterpiece! Well done! :D

Necronopticous
01-29-2005, 10:23 AM
<CENTER>
<TABLE border="4" bordercolor="white" bgcolor="blue" width="650" cellpadding="4">
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<FONT face="courier new"><CENTER>Episode III - "Episode of Text and Picture"

Unfortunately, as you'll soon realize, your awesome, unbeatable, stylin' new airship... Sucks.

The only place you're going in this thing is right back to that damn dwarf castle since it doesn't have the ability to cross magma (yet it had absolutely no problem when it was chasing the Enterprise in the last episode)

Well, you don't have a choice, so head back to the ugly lali-hoes.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/210.jpg" border="4">
<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/209.jpg" border="4">

Hmm, Giott really one-upped me on the interpretation of that "I am afraid" line...

Hey! I have an idea, let's go get the crystal before Golbez has a chance! Yeah! Great idea considering we've already tried that plan an ass load of times and its had a 100% fail rate.

On the up-side of coming back to this dumb castle, the inhabitants do have funnier dialogue than before, take advantage of it.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/211.jpg" border="4">

You see, coming here wasn't so bad after all...

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/208.jpg" border="4">

Do you mean the of the Cid? Well, he's is right of the here in the of the basement.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/207.jpg" border="4">

Convenient... Take this as a lesson kids, jumping from a great height and exploding in mid air is perfectly safe. Cid is living proof...

Don't bother asking any questions, just head off with Cid's modifications and visit the dwarf town which was previously unaccessable. It's home to some delicious genuine cheese. For future reference, the word "from" is not, has not, and will never be spelled "frum".

And now, for the three general rules of a friendly underworld dwarf town:

1. Ask strangers dumb questions that answer themselves.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/197.jpg" border="4">

(To answer your question... It's up)

2. Give strangers all of your treasure for no reason

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/206.jpg" border="4">

(If friendly underworld dwarf towns really existed college tuition wouldn't be so bad...)

3. Farmer

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/205.jpg" border="4">

Now that you're done here, you've got some options. More specifically, you can enter <b>cave A</B>, <b>cave B</B>, or the spectacular <b>cave C</B>. All sound equally uninteresting... Let's choose A!

And the winner is!

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/234.jpg" border="4">

This would be a great name for an area if every single area in the game didn't also fill the criteria contained in it. This is the equivilent to specifically naming your friend Jim's house "House of Floor and Ceiling"

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/233.jpg" border="4">

That Rydia is so cute... I wonder if all callers are as cute as her.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/232.jpg" border="4">

Guess not.

Make your way through the Land of Ambiguity to reach the Land of Summoned Monsters, AKA the Land of...

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/231.jpg" border="4">

BUSH HAGS!!!

You're going to have lots of fun here. Just start talking to ALL the Bush hags.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/230.jpg" border="4">

I hope he's not as stupid as the human kings of Final Fantasy IV.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/228.jpg" border="4">

Yeah, other worlds, like RIGHT OUTSIDE YOUR STUPID TOWN.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/227.jpg" border="4">

True, but in his defense, at least he hasn't talked in Engrish yet. Besides, Titan could totally kick your ass.

When you're ready, head over to the library.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/223.jpg" border="4">

Actually there is exactly 240 books, not even close to countless, however, saying that you'd never get bored reading them is a lot closer to being accurate.

Take a look at some of my personal favorites:

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/226.jpg" border="4">

"Strong in body and mind" otherwise known as "Float"

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/225.jpg" border="4">

In other words: "The worst"

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/224.jpg" border="4">

<b>FFIV Translator:</b> "The word unbeknownst looks really cool... Where can I throw it in to this game..."

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/220.jpg" border="4">

This book is titled "Top 100 Farfetched Legends!" and this is <i>numero uno</i> but maybe you shouldn't laugh about this one just yet... *sigh*

Most importantly, you'll DEFINATELY want to read the book next to it before you move on. I call it <i><U>Le Scripturé Di "There is Actually a Boss Coming Up That Requires a Semi-Clever Strategy to Beat so Here is the Strategy For Those of you Who are Too Stupid to Figure it Out Yourselves."</U></i>, It's a classic in Bush Hag Land.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/222.jpg" border="4">
<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/221.jpg" border="4">

It's finally come time to face Leviatan and Asura! The official King and Queen of Monsterworld.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/219.jpg" border="4">

erm... Ladies First.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/218.jpg" border="4">

Well, do you?

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/217.jpg" border="4">

Talk about not looking like your on screen sprite...

Keep Wall(Grapefruit Slice) casted on Asura and this will be a quick battle. Then move on to King Leviatan!

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/214.jpg" border="4">

Leviatan is probably the toughest boss you've faced so far, luckily he's almost in the shape of a pretzel. Give it your all and you'll come out on top as the glorious winner and the new master of the King of Summoned Monsters!

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/213.jpg" border="4">

All that time he went unbeaten... You'd think he'd have come up with a better speech than that.

<img src="http://demented3d.com/ffiv/images/screens/212.jpg" border="4">

Surprise, surprise, you get the bootleg Leviatan. That's what you get for summoned monster shopping at the swap meet.

TO BE CONTINUED!
(Extended due to delayed update, DON'T get used to this treatment)

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Destai
01-29-2005, 12:38 PM
another classic XD

Behold the Void
01-29-2005, 08:31 PM
Updates! Yay!

Flashback007
01-29-2005, 08:49 PM
They are wonderfull again. But I am still waiting for the sweaters and posters with Rydia on it ;)

Halenite
01-29-2005, 10:09 PM
YAY, more updates.
Sorry, got a little over-excited there.

Hinky the Pickle
01-29-2005, 10:44 PM
Yet another classic. :D That one was one of the funniest yet. Keep 'em coming that Necronopticous of the message board!

feioncastor
01-30-2005, 05:22 AM
You know the Island that you find the land of summoned monsters on? I'm surprised that no one pointed how it is the exact same shape as the continent of South America.

Del Murder
01-30-2005, 07:13 AM
I ate a chip that looked like South America the other day.

Sefie1999AD
01-30-2005, 10:07 PM
Great new episode, and a long one too! :D BTW Are you going to make fun of the fact that Golbez would have never made his way to the Sealed Cave if Cecil and the others hadn't brought the Crystal out for him? Would have been funny if Cecil and others had just waited Golbez to get himself killed getting to the Sealed Cave rather than being total idiots and doing exactly what Golbez wanted.

Takara
01-30-2005, 11:23 PM
BUSH HAGS!!! :D

feioncastor
01-31-2005, 04:45 AM
Since it is now at the bottom of last page and no one will see, I will again point out this:

The island on which you find the land of summoned monsters is the same shape as the continent of South America.

Feion

Halenite
01-31-2005, 03:35 PM
Which is why Del made the cookie comment on the first post of this page.

BTW, yep, haven't they figured out that trying to get the crystal first will always fail?

Xzirox
02-01-2005, 09:18 AM
I love it, another update soon I hope :D

skystje
02-03-2005, 11:21 PM
Ive read only a part of this so far and I can only say one thing..

BUUHHAHAAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Keep it coming!

Psychotic
02-04-2005, 01:24 AM
I am a farmer. :love:

m4tt
02-04-2005, 04:49 PM
Guud stuff.

Flying Mullet
02-04-2005, 05:00 PM
"ugly lali-hoes" :thumb:

Citizen Bleys
02-07-2005, 05:20 PM
I always thought that island looked like a giant penis.

The "I'm a farmer" part originally came from FF1. A guy in Melmond said it. I can't find a screenshot on google atm, though, and I'm not allowed to play video games at work, so I'll have to come up with a screenshot later on.

Quina
02-09-2005, 03:03 AM
Delicious. Necronopticous is the awesomest!

Ultima Shadow
02-11-2005, 10:14 PM
Come up with the next episode soon! I can't wait!!!

commodorejohn
02-14-2005, 07:07 PM
I always laugh at those snake-things the enemies summon because they look so much like David Bowie's head on...a snake's body.

Necronopticous
02-16-2005, 05:29 AM
Hey guys, don't kill me, I know you probably thought this was an update ^_^;

Just writing to tell you that I just started my Spring semester and I'm taking 15 units on top of work, I've been extremely busy and just haven't been able to get around to this lately, I promise I will post new episodes as soon as I get a chance so keep checking back, thanks for the support so far!

Sorry again!