Laugh it up.

[herbie08]

allright, here's one for you, what is the funniest joke you have ever heard, preferably something dirty.

[DMKA]

Unfortunately, for you, I'd rather not be banned.

[Citizen Bleys]

Same deal as DMKA. Best case, half the post would be messed up by the swear filter, worst case, I'd na be comin' back no more.

[Leeza]

Yeah. Just post the funniest joke you've ever heard. I'm sure there are plenty, but I just can't seem to remember one at the moment. :cat:

[Sweet Beloved]

I wish I could tell but it was totally perverted. So, I don't wanna get banned! But if I met you all in person. I'd tell you.

[SeeDRankLou]

Funniest joke I've ever heard, preferable dirty, don't get banned.....Ok I've got one (by the way, this is not an insult to gay people since I would be insulting myself in the process if that were the case :D )

What do you call a bouncer at a gay club?






A flamethrower.
Ba...da...ba....*ching*

That's all I got.

[Sweet Beloved]

I don't have a clue. Tell me!

That's cool. Hhaha. Lol.

Wait. I don't get it. :confused:

[boris no no]

:confused: i don't get it either

why did the chicken cross the road?




to get to the other side!
LOL thats so funny! :D :D :D

[Rainecloud]

My joke involves an Irishman, so it's probably too racist to tell.

Apologies.

[louby_4eva]

What do you get if you cross a stone and a window?? A shower curtain

I know it makes NO sense, but one of my friends said it one time and I was giggling for ages. It was just so funny. :p I suppose you had to be there.

[Mr. Graves]

A lot of the jokes I tell with my buds from work would offend most people. I told tose jokes in Feedback, and they got deleted. :(

[bennator]

My joke involves an Irishman, so it's probably too racist to tell.

Fine, I'll tell an Irish joke, because I'm half Irish, and therefore get that immunity thing or whatever.

Ahem.

How can you tell if an Irishman is a queer?

When he prefers women to alcohol.

[Wizdumb]

A penguin was driving his car to work one day and noticed that the car wasn't running as smoothly as it used to be so he took it to the mechanic. The mechanic told him that it would take him about an our to find the problem so the penguin goes and gets an ice-cream cone. The penguin comes back and the mechanic says, "Looks like you blew a seal." "No," replied the penguin, "that's just the ice-cream."

[612904398619]

why did the chicken cross the road? i got one for you, boris. why didn't the chicken cross the road?

[The Captain]

"Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer? Ja!...Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!"

Take care all.

[Logan]

The only funny ones I've heard lately are really sexist. I don't know any 'clean' jokes. :)

[Kirkpatrick]

"Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer? Ja!...Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!"

*dies laughing* :D

[DMKA]

"Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer? Ja!...Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!"
:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

[Jojee]

Iuno first joke that comes to mind, cos' I just read it somewhere:

Eskimo: If you don't know about God, do you still go to heaven?
Preacher: Yes.
Eskimo: Then why did you tell me!? >=|

[krissy]

what do you call a cow with no legs?
ground beef

' ' with two legs?
lean beef

what about a cow that just gave birth?
decalfinated

[The Captain]

Keeping with the tradition from my first posted joke:

"My dog has no nose!"

"How does it smell?"

"Terrible!"


Take care all.

[Cloud57]

Okayyyyyyy~Hey ppl~~!!!!

[Dr.K]

One day a man is standing outside his car in the middle of the street, swearing audibly and looking very annoyed. A man walking along with no arms stops and asks him, "Whoa, whats up chum? The man replies "I've only gone and locked my freakin' keys in the car! And i've gotta get to work pronto!". The man with no arms replies "ooh, i can get them out for you. Give me, say, ten pounds and i'll do it". The other man was in disbelief, "you're crazy, but, i'm too desperate to care. Ok i'll give you ten pounds if you can get that car door open wise guy". So the armless man walked up to the car door, rubbed his backside against it for a few seconds, and the door clicked open. "How the HELL did you do that?" said the car owner. "Simple" the armless man replied...

...I WAS WEARING MY KHAKI TROUSERS!

*spasms with laughter and dies*

[Jojee]

That's horrible, Dr.K :p

[Kawaii Ryûkishi]

I imagine that one works better if you have a wacky English accent.

[Dr.K]

I imagine that one works better if you have a wacky English accent.

That only occured to me now actually... :(

[Creed]

This isnt a joke its a stupid story.....ahem*cough*

Ok there these 3 guys in a car going over the speed limit their name r shut up,poop,and crap......ok their going down the road at 199mph and the max is 80mph now crap puts down the window and poop goes flying out the window....shut up stops and tells crap to scoop up the poop on the road he says "tho we r gothics we keep the road clean"while crap is scooping up poop the sherriff come up to shut up ans says"u were going way over the limit im going to give u a tickit so whats ur name" "shut up" "what ur name" "shut up" "whats ur name" "shut up is my name" "whats ur name" Shut the hell up is my frekin name!!!" "dude watch ur mouth"....end

dont ask me about it it just came to mind and its funny to me.. :D :p :) ;) :cool: :rolleyes2 :greenie: :tongue:

[louby_4eva]

One day a man is standing outside his car in the middle of the street, swearing audibly and looking very annoyed. A man walking along with no arms stops and asks him, "Whoa, whats up chum? The man replies "I've only gone and locked my freakin' keys in the car! And i've gotta get to work pronto!". The man with no arms replies "ooh, i can get them out for you. Give me, say, ten pounds and i'll do it". The other man was in disbelief, "you're crazy, but, i'm too desperate to care. Ok i'll give you ten pounds if you can get that car door open wise guy". So the armless man walked up to the car door, rubbed his backside against it for a few seconds, and the door clicked open. "How the HELL did you do that?" said the car owner. "Simple" the armless man replied...

...I WAS WEARING MY KHAKI TROUSERS!

I love that one, had me in a giggle fit for ages. :D It's so funny. Best joke ever!

[krissy]

A blonde is driving down this country road, and sees a car pulled over with a man outside kneeling down and crying. The blonde stops, gets out and asks "Sir, why are you crying?"

The guy points to the ground and says "I just killed this poor little rabbit with my car."

The blonde looks at the dead rabbit and says "Hold on a second", and walks to her car. She comes back a minute later with a spray can and sprays something on the dead rabbit.
All of a sudden, the rabbit jumps up, looks at the guy and the blonde, waves at them and starts hopping down the road. Every few feet the rabbit would stop, turn around and wave at them again, then continue hopping down the road.

The guy says "That was a miracle, what was that stuff you sprayed on the rabbit?"
The blonde replies, "It's my new hair spray, see? It says right here on the can, brings life to dead hair and adds permanent wave."


*


A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "hey, why the long face?"

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "hey, is the bar-tender here?"

A grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says "Hey, we have a drink named after you." The grasshopper says, "Ya? You have a drink named Murray?"

*

What did the zero say to the eight?

Nice belt.

[Lindy]

Keeping with the tradition from my first posted joke:

"My dog has no nose!"

"How does it smell?"

"Terrible!"


Take care all.
What made it funny was the "Take care all" at the end.

And why do all your funny jokes have to be racist or sexist or whatever? Besides, the funniest jokes are topical, or heavily off the cuff at the right moment with the right timing.

You can't just boil it down into a few lines of text, it needs delivery, it needs style and panache.

...I doubt any of you could tell a TRULY funny joke >_>

[krissy]

let me try

Lindy


:cool: jk peace

[UltimateSpamGrover]

Okayyyyyyy~Hey ppl~~!!!!

That has been the funniest joke thus far.
__

How do you comb a rabbit?

With a harebrush!

[SomethingBig]

When my friend told another friend and me this joke about 5 years ago, it killed us. It isn't so funny now, but it's the joke that has ever made me laugh the most. Oh, and I changed some words to avoid the filter.

It's Thanksgiving and the Soufflé family's hosting a party soon. The boy's 2 parents are having an argument. The daddy calls the mother a trout-sniffing skellywag. The boy asks his daddy what a trout-sniffing skellywag is, so the daddy replies, "That's what mommies are called." So the mother calls the daddy a urine-face. The boy asks what a urine-face is and the mother replies, "That's what daddies are called."

Afterwards, they go their separate ways. The boy follows his pops into the bathroom where he's shaving. The daddy cuts himself and yells, "AW, SPOON!". The boy, being a stupid little tyke, asks what a spoon is. The daddy then explains, "It's what daddy's say when they're shaving."

The boy then goes to his mommy, who's carving the turkey. She cuts her finger and she screams, "DEFECATE!". The boy, being a confusing little guy, says, "I know what that means, mommy!" But mommy refuses to believe that little Cindy-Stu is that smart, so she says, "Silly Stu! No you don't! Anyway, you're probably wondering what it means! It's something you say when you're carving a turkey."

The guests arrive and ring the doorbell. Little Cindy-Stu runs to the door, then opens it. Looking at the guests, he says, "Hullo, trout-sniffing skellywags and urine-faces! Daddy's in the bathroom spooning himself and mommy's in the kitchen defecating the turkey!".

Here's the "sequel".

It's little Cindy-Stu's birthday and his daddy's taking a shower. Cindy-Stu knocks on the bathroom door and asks his pops if he can join him, to which his daddy replies, "NO." Cindy-Stu argues, "But it's my birthday!". The father lets him, then says, "Don't look down." CS looks down, then asks, "What's that?" and the father replies by saying, "It's a snake."

Now Cindy-Stu's mommy's in the show. CS knocks on the bathroom door and asks if he can join her, to which she replies, "F NO." CS argues, "But it's my birthday!". The mother lets him, then says, "Just close your eyes." CS looks up, then asks, "What's that?" and the mother replies by saying, "They're headlights." CS looks down and asks, "What's that?" and the mother replies by saying, "It's grass."

That night, CS knocks on his parents' bedroom door and asks, "Can I sleep in your room?" to which they reply, "S NO!". CS argues, "But it's my birthday!" They agree, then say, "You have to go immediately to sleep." Late that night, little Cindy-Stu is woken up by a bustle, looks, and says, "Mommy! Turn on your headlights, there's a snake in your grass!".

[*ETERNAL FANTASY*]

Cant remember any im afraid but i do laugh at everything

[Doc Sark]

What do you call a prostitute with no legs?





A Cash and carry.

[Xander]

Jokes aren't funny. People not meaning to be funny are funny.

Therefore numorous Red Dwarf quotes are my favourite "funny" things. Red Dwarf = laugh. =)