Humorous articles

[Tasura]

can anyone think of any humorous articles?

[Rye]

I love this one:

Why can't we SHARE our food? (http://www.x-entertainment.com/messages/44.html)

It says:



We ask our children everyday, not to hate. To treat their fellow man as an equal. Yet, the messages we send them only reinforce the opposite. Destroy those who are different, and don't let them have what you have. Nowhere is this more glaring than the television commercials for Trix commercials.

Perhaps you've seen them. The formula for the stories are all the same. The Trix Rabbit, after countless failures, continually concocts wild schemes to disguise himself, maybe a magician or lion tamer, to amaze kids with wonderful tricks, and charm his way into their breakfast table. He doesn't want the whole box, he just wants a bowl. Of course, every time the Rabbit gets too close to these luscious Trix, he's overwhelmed by years of restraint and flips out, usually letting his big white ears pop out from his hat. The kids, realizing they've been duped, take the cereal back and physically push the Rabbit away. They then laugh, "Sorry Rabbit, TRIX are for KIDS!!!", cackling away as the Rabbit once again walks away hungry.

It doesn't stop there. Other breakfast cereals do the same!

"Sorry, Barney, these FRUITY PEBBLES are mine!"

"Hey! Pirates aren't supposed to eat CAP'N CRUNCH!"

"Cookie Crook, your social class is too low for COOKIE CRISP!" "Leggo My EGGO!"

"HEY YOU STUPID LEPRECHAUN, NO LUCKY CHARMS FOR THE IRISH!!!"

Time and time again these messages of hate are pounded through the soft spots of our children's minds.

Once in 1980, finally succumbing to the public's dissatisfaction with it all, General Mills decided to cash in on the election year, and featured commercials where the TRIX Rabbit might actually get a shot at his long desired bowl of goodness. On the back of every box was a ballot, encouraging the kids to vote:

YES! I WANT THE RABBIT TO GET HIS TRIX!
or
NO! I DON'T WANT THE RABBIT TO GET HIS TRIX!

It was a shining moment for our country because the kids overwhelmingly voted for the Rabbit. They even had a new commercial to commemorate the event. The Rabbit heard the results, and sat there teary-eyed, not knowing what he said. Why this was like Mandela getting freed from prison, The Berlin Wall coming down, the fall of The Soviet Union. He ate the bowl lovingly and quickly, overcome with joy. With a smile born of years of tolerance and servitude, he raised his spoon proudly, and asked for another bowl!

The kids looked at each other, allowing for an evil pause to creep along, then laughed...wickedly. "That's the only bowl for you, RABBIT...HA! HA! HA! HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!" Such a cruel and inhuman joke. Just like we promised the Indians there own land. Just like we promised 40 Acres and a mule to the Slaves. Taken right back!

Why are we afraid to eat at the same table as The Rabbit?

If we can't share our food with a cartoon, then what hope is there for our humanity?

[Tasura]

that is quite humorous.

[Fate Fatale]

Er... that is troubling...

[Caspian]

http://abclocal.go.com/ktrk/news/bizarre/030405_APsn_scale.html

It's about fat cops.

[SeeDRankLou]

This is kind of giggly funny, the first paragraph is full of science jargon, but after that it becomes more comprehensible, and funny.

From the American Journal of Medical Genetics Vol 101 (2001)

Congenital Human Baculum Deficiency: The Generative Bone of Genesis 2: 21-23 (Dr. Scott F. Gilbert and Dr. Ziony Zevit)
(yes, this is a real article)

To the Editor,

There are certain genetic diseases that affect 100% of the human population. One of these is gulonolactone oxidase deficiency [OMIM 420400], caused by a deletion on chromosome 8p21 [Nishikimi et al., [1994]]. The lack of this enzyme causes severe connective tissue disease and makes us dependent upon dietary supplements of ascorbic acid. Another genetic condition, extending to 100% of human males, is the congenital lack of a baculum (os priapi; os penis). Whereas most mammals (including common species such as dogs and mice) and most other primates (excepting spider monkeys) have a penile bone, human males lack this bone and must rely on fluid hydraulics to maintain erections. This is not an insignificant bone. The baculum of a large dog can be 10 cm long × 1.3 cm wide, × 1 cm thick [Sisson and Grossman, [1953]]. In rodents, the proximal segment of the os penis is formed by intramembranous ossification, while the distal region appears to be formed by endochondral ossification. The size of the rodent baculum is regulated by the posterior members of the HoxD set of transcription factors [Williams-Ashman and Reddi, [1991]; Zakany et al., [1997]] and appears to be induced by members of the TGF- and BMP families [Origuchi et al., [1998]]. It has not been determined if the deficiency in human males is due to lack of paracrine factor expression in the genital mesoderm. Human bacula have been reported, usually in association with other congenital diseases or penile abnormalities [see Hoeg, [1986], Gelbard, [1988]; Sarma and Weilbaecher, [1990]; Vahlensieck et al., [1995]].

One of the creation stories in Genesis may be an explanatory myth wherein the Bible attempts to find a cause for why human males lack this particular bone. Our opinion is that Adam did not lose a rib in the creation of Eve. Any ancient Israelite (or for that matter, any American child) would be expected to know that there is an equal (and even) number of ribs in both men and women. Moreover, ribs lack any intrinsic generative capacity. We think it is far more probable that it was Adam's baculum that was removed in order to make Eve. That would explain why human males, of all the primates and most other mammals, did not have one. The Hebrew noun translated as rib, tzela (tzade, lamed, ayin), can indeed mean a costal rib. It can also mean the rib of a hill (2 Samuel 16:13), the side chambers (enclosing the temple like ribs, as in 1 Kings 6:5,6), or the supporting columns of trees, like cedars or firs, or the planks in buildings and doors (1 Kings 6:15,16). So the word could be used to indicate a structural support beam. Interestingly, Biblical Hebrew, unlike later rabbinic Hebrew, had no technical term for the penis and referred to it through many circumlocutions. When rendered into Greek, sometime in the second century BCE, the translators used the word pleura, which means side, and would connote a body rib (as the medical term pleura still does). This translation, enshrined in the Septuagint, the Greek Bible of the early church, fixed the meaning for most of western civilization, even though the Hebrew was not so specific.

In addition, Genesis 2:21 contains another etiological detail: The Lord God closed up the flesh. This detail would explain the peculiar visible sign on the penis and scrotum of human males-the raphé. In the human penis and scrotum, the edges of the urogenital folds come together over the urogenital sinus(urethral groove) to form a seam, the raphé. If this seam does not form, hypospadias of the glans, penis, and scrotum can result. The origin of this seam on the external genitalia was explained by the story of the closing of Adam's flesh. Again, the wound associated with the generation of Eve is connected to Adam's penis and not this rib.

A rib has no particular potency nor is it associated mythologically or symbolically with any human generative act. Needless to say, the penis has always been associated with generation, in practice, in mythology, and in the popular imagination. Therefore, the literal, metaphorical, and euphemistic use of the word tzela make the baculum a good candidate for the singular bone taken from adam to generate Eve.

[Tasura]

thats either so weird its wrong, or so wrong its weird.......i havent decided yet.

[rubah]

"An"

the funniest article I ever came up with. It starts with a vowel and you're supposed to use it with other vowel-starting words? How queer!

[krissy]

www.smallcave.net

[The Captain]

http://theonion.com/

Take care all.

[Big D]

http://www.bbspot.com/News/2003/01/jaromir.html

This one really cracked me up the first time I saw it.
It's kind of old now, but still first-rate fakery,

[Rainecloud]

http://www.darwinawards.com

A large selection of hilarious articles. :)