English Language 101

[Noctivagus]

Sorry if this is wrong place:

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you comb through annals of history but not a single annal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike?

Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable? And where are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it?

[XxSephirothxX]

That was very well written. English is definitely a fickle language. I love it because of the variety, and I hate it because it makes grammar rules impossibly hard to follow. Such is life. :p

[ZeZipster]

Okay, so I take it this thread is about idioms in the English language?

[Noctivagus]

Just something random really. Like me...random.

[rubah]

Actually, Fingers would Finge. Since you can't double the last consonant sound you have to add an e.

[Noctivagus]

Touche, didn't think of that to be honest with you.

[rubah]

Neither did the person who wrote it first.

[Shoeberto]

I got a sheet of stuff like this when I was in the sixth grade. I think I even transcribed it on to the forums.

Can't remember too many, but I recall it saying stuff about how it could be hotter than hell and colder than hell, and how we park in a drive way and drive in a park way.

[Noctivagus]

Exactly, when I read though it I mean, can't remember where I found this, Y'know when your looking through old files on your PC? and you find something and post it...I did that. :D

[udsuna]

Teacher teach and preachers preach... no issues here.

You can amend. You can technically make amend. It means the same thing as change.

Annal means "record"- you can't do search a singular when the object your searching for is THAT singular. You search for a bird in a flock, you don't search for a bird in a bird.

Eggplant fruits (or are they vegetables) are shaped like eggs.

Hamburgers were invented in a place called hamburg.

French fries and english muffins.... I have absolutely no idea.

Quicksand is a misnomer caused by the fact that "quick" had other meanings, one of which was "liquid"- hence the word "quicksilver", which is mercury, a silver-colored fluid metal.

Pineapples really do look like a hybrid between a pine cone and an apple.

My favorite is the one about "horrible and horrific" and "terrible and terrific". You didn't include it.... so now I have to hate you.

[DMKA]

English grammar rules are hard to follow? o__O

Or wait...are you talking about what we call English here in America or that language they speak over in the United Kingdom?

[Yamaneko]

I blame Chaucer.

[ZeZipster]

http://www.m-w.com/

Look up a couple of words or just browse through the 'Word Of The Day' Section. Plenty of fun idioms and history lessons on those words.

[Vyk]

I watched a stand up comedian tear up the English language once. He made an excellent point. And it IS probably the hardest language to learn as a second language. Because you don't learn English, you memorize it. Like the "rule" I before E except after C. So many freaking exceptions to that rule. Seizure and leisure for instance :D Or weird...

[rubah]

I always thought quick meant more like 'animated' or 'living'. But living things move, and as can be followed through with by checking with m-w, they also shift, like quicksand:)

[omnitarian]

That is from a book called Crazy English (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0671023233/102-1101136-0196150?v=glance). It's an awesome book. :D

Why do we say "I could care less" when we actually mean "I couldn't care less"?

And wouldn't a near miss be a hit?

[udsuna]

I always thought quick meant more like 'animated' or 'living'. But living things move, and as can be followed through with by checking with m-w, they also shift, like quicksand:)

That, too. Also, the word "quicken" can be used to refer to orgasm.

[Behold the Void]

I'm not sure on this but I'm willing to bet that "English Muffin" and "French Fries" were terms given to the foods to make them sound more marketable.

[edczxcvbnm]

Pure awesomeness. Submit that to the local paper and get paid. Seriously. That was very well written in just about every radical way.

[Xaven]

Didn't someone just say they got it from a book? Do I smell copywrite infringement? ...Or, is my brother trying to make dinner again?

[Old Manus]

Everbody calm down, go to the bookshelf, and look up 'irony' in the dictionary.

[udsuna]

Everbody calm down, go to the bookshelf, and look up 'irony' in the dictionary.


1. The use of words to express something different from and often opposite to their literal meaning.

2. An expression or utterance marked by a deliberate contrast between apparent and intended meaning.

Ohhh.... I get it. You know, actually, irony doesn't really apply to this. Not surprising, it's gotta be the most mis-used word in english (something quite appropriate to be brought up in this thread). Sarcasm is much better.

[Old Manus]

Everbody calm down, go to the bookshelf, and look up 'irony' in the dictionary.


1. The use of words to express something different from and often opposite to their literal meaning.

2. An expression or utterance marked by a deliberate contrast between apparent and intended meaning.

Ohhh.... I get it. You know, actually, irony doesn't really apply to this. Not surprising, it's gotta be the most mis-used word in english (something quite appropriate to be brought up in this thread). Sarcasm is much better.

Everbody calm down, go to the bookshelf, and look up 'irony' in the dictionary.

EDIT: It does apply to this because everybody is taking a passage that is obviously poking fun at the language very seriously

[udsuna]

I think you're stretching "irony" about as far as it'll reach. But it does reach. Sarcasm is still the better word.

[boris no no]

it just makes english people all the more cooler :P

[Captain Maxx Power]

It's all about Latin at the end of the day. Blame the Romans.

[crazybayman]

I always thought quick meant more like 'animated' or 'living'. But living things move, and as can be followed through with by checking with m-w, they also shift, like quicksand:)

That, too. Also, the word "quicken" can be used to refer to orgasm.
"Quick" also refers to a part of a dog's toenail, or claw. Its a part (probably a bloodvessel), that when trimming your dog's nails, you have to be careful not to cut, or the poor animal will bleed.

And how about words that have different spellings, different meanings, but sound the same. Like their and there. Here and Hear. Moose and Mousse.

Madness I tell you. Madness.

[RSL]

That was an entertaining read. Thanks for posting it!

I can see how it would be difficult to learn English as a second language. I imagine it would be pretty frustrating!

[udsuna]

Moose and Mousse.

Except that the second word isn't even english. The english word, I think, is typically "gell".... but somebody thought the french (it is french, right?) word sounded better, and used it to refer to the product. Sales ploy, nothing more.

[crazybayman]

Moose and Mousse.

Except that the second word isn't even english. The english word, I think, is typically "gell".... but somebody thought the french (it is french, right?) word sounded better, and used it to refer to the product. Sales ploy, nothing more.
Mousse and gel are two completely products. Mousse comes out in a foam. And gel is like, well, gel.

And there's a desert called "Mousse" - Chocolate Mousse, strawberry mousse, etc.

But I think you're right about it not being of english origin, come to think about it. It is found in the english dictionary, but it most likely has french origins.

Much the same as hamburger being of German origin - but is still considered part of the english language.

[Kawaii Ryûkishi]

French fries are called that because they're created from potatoes via frenching, which basically means cutting into strips before cooking. Really has nothing to do with France.

[Primus Inter Pares]

http://www.geocities.com/floydsarmy/s4.jpg

Kishi often dreamed of being something more.
Kishi knows the score ;)

[Dignified Pauper]

the first post in htis thread is the only one worth reading. kudos.

[Lich3636]

I pay no attention to the rules of spelling or grammar you can tell just by looking at my posts.

[Dignified Pauper]

that's why we don't.

[Chaos]

Good old Modern English. Hundreds of years old and still providing all the fun!

Proof the oldies are the best.

Chaos

[Shoden]

Guinea pigs are called that because Guinea is a term for small and it looks like a pig because of it's ears. so a small pig.

Just call it a Giant hamster for smurf sake.

[Noctivagus]

I believe the original author made this for jokes, not been serious...which was why I posted it up here, its not what I think. ;-)

[War Angel]

inglish iz teh hard.

And on another note - COPYRIGHT, man. Don't be a plagiarist, or however that word is spelt. Crazy English language, nothing ever makes sense. Why can't a word be written the way it sounds?

[Noctivagus]

Did I claim this as my own work?


Exactly, when I read though it I mean, can't remember where I found this, Y'know when your looking through old files on your PC? and you find something and post it...I did that.:D

Did I know not say it WASN'T my work in that post?

[Shoden]

I have eniugh trouble understanding it.