Noctivagus
09-24-2005, 03:21 AM
Note: This is NOT created by me. I just thought I would share it with you all
Rating: I would say rated PG-13 for cursing and some sexual puns.
This is also NOT a bash on Final Fantasy IX. This is harmless fun and just joking around. Do not take these seriously nor any of the characteristics I have added in the character's personalities: they are all for just fun, comedy, and amusement. ( Aka, Zidane and Blank being sex-addicts, Garnet being a psycho, Vivi being a smart-alike meanie, Steiner being depressed, Beatrix being nice, and Kuja whining about his make-up) If you don't like it...you don't have to read it. I ask for an open mind when you read this!
FINAL FANTASY IX BLOOPERS
Camera is into view: we see the unbelievably gorgeous Alexadrian general in front of us. Legs crossed in a refined debonair manner sitting in what it seems to be a set chair. Obsecured letters are hidden by her body, but we can see a definite "B" and "RIX". There is a sudden rush of people holding some powder make-up and dab it on Beatrix's face before all simutaneously scampering off. Her posture suave and aphrodisiac to the male gender, she flips a perfect curled strand away from her face awaiting to begin. There is a click heard. Beatrix begins...
Beatrix; "Greetings, fellow Final Fantasy fans. I would like to welcome you today to the all-exclusive bloopers of the oh-so-perfect latest Final Fantasy, hence number 9. But before we get the video rolling and the cast have their careers go swirling down the toliet hole before our eyes, I would like to say thanks to all of our sponsers, the cast for agreeing showing this tape, and our lovely director Sakaguchi for these bloopers. I would also like to say that us - the cast - are still perfect in every way and aspect. I do admit that we had our flaws every now and then, but this show proves our unsurpassing talent and intelligence....... ... ... ......... (her face distorts into one of an oddball) that is the most corny speech I have ever given--"
The scene is cut.
* * * * * *
BLOOPER TAPE ONE: Our Perfection
Scene one; Princess Garnet is in her room waking up from a nightmare. The curtains sway and she gets up to the window - over looking the city of Alexandria. A flock of white doves fly against the ominous sky. Not far from Alexandria, there is a theater ship floating above the clouds. The doves float above and among the theater ship. They peacefully float and all of a sudden...
Zidane; "Whoa! Dodge! The birds are doing it again!"
Baku; "My eye! My eye! I'm blind!"
Cinna; “Why must we have birds around our ship? They do ##### you know!”
Zidane and Baku are seen running aimlessly from the seemingly consipated birds.
Director; "Cut!"
* * * * * *
Zidane's first FMV cut scene, the camera focuses on Zidane as he agilly slides down a slender pole. Whilst sliding, he fumbles and slides down too fast, resulting his buttocks being rammed against the floor.
Zidane; "Oh ...*BLEEP*!!!"
~Take 2~
Same scene. Zidane once more attempts to slide down the pole like an all-star athlete, only to fall backwards from the pole and fall flat on his face.
Zidane; "....Call my agent.”
Director; “...Is it just so difficult to slide down that pole? Is it? Is it...?" (holds his face into his hands)
* * * * * *
The next scene shows Zidane getting into a dark room after he finally slid down the pole.
Zidane; "Sure is dark...Guess nobody’s here yet..."
Zidane lights a match and all of a sudden the flame catches onto his failure-of-a-fashion-statement clothes.
Zidane; "Ow! *BLEEP!*! FIRE!! HANDS!! HOT HOT HOT!! Stop, drop and roll! Stop, drop and roll!"
Zidane does as he monotonously repeats. As he disappears from the set, we hear a random crash.
Director; "This is just his first line.... ... ......... ....You fumbled your first F*Bleep!*ING LINE."
~Take 2~
Zidane lights a match and walks forward to light the candle.
“Who’s there?!”
Zidane; “It’s me, Zidane!”
They all meet up in the center of the room. They do their hand greeting.
Blank; “Hey, Zidane! You sure are late!”
Zidane; “Sorry. So where’s the boss?”
Cinna; “Ain’t here yet.”
Baku neanders in, bumping into various items and furniture wearing what it seems to be a mutant Pupu costume.
Zidane; “...The hell is it?"
Blank; “...Baku, I have shown you which f*beep*ing mask to wear 100 times, and you STILL think you're supposed to wear that...Iifa-Tree...forsaken.... ... ..... thing?"
Cinna; "Dun dun dun dunnnnn! When Pupu's intake too much chemicals." Cinna turns to the camera. "And this shows, kids," he says this in a small voice "dwugs are bad for yoo, okiee?"
Director; "Nancy! ...Get me another cup of coffee."
~Take 3~
Baku jumps out with his mask. A strand then snaps off and it is hanging in front of his face.
Zidane; “.....”
Blank; ” .....”
Cinna; “....”
Baku; “...I knew that buckle didn't go there. I just knew..."
Zidane; "That is the most frightening mixture of mammals I have ever actually seen..."
Blank; (twitching mildly) "No kidding."
* * * * * *
Zidane and the crew defeat the dragon-masked minion, and find out it is Baku...
Baku; “My Unspoken Baby Button Maker!! Blank!!! Oooh...”
Baku falls over clutching his crotch and gasping for air.
Blank; “Hey, I didn’t mean to, honest!”
Director; “Alright...cut it, and get me a medic..."
* * * * * *
Marcus; “Leave the actin’ to me! Of course, the real kidnappers’ll be Blank and Zidane!”
Blank; “I’ll distract the audience from backstage with my 'madd stripper skillz'. I can't stand lacking sex for---" (still in a dreamy state)
All; “......”
Blank; “Wait...did I say...?! CUT THE FILM!”
* * * * * *
Vivi is in a bustling crowd of nobles, or so it seems. While trying to find his way in this labyrith of bulging asses and horribly done dresses, he looks up and sees a mysterious theater ship floating above. He blinks his little beady eyes and a falling green-white gooish substance smacks right into his eye. Yes, it is bird crap kids.
Vivi; “AHHHHH!! Sweet merciful crap! My eye! My eye!”
We see Vivi fall down in pain. Marcus leans from the theater ship and waves, yelling:
Marcus; “Maybe if you didn't feed them as much perhaps they wouldn't be machine guns of #####, you know?!"
* * * * * *
We see our vertically challenged mage, Vivi, walk around at an incredibly killing slow pace in this crowd. While walking, Vivi is run into and he drops his ticket as he falls down.
Vivi; (muffled) "This is very painful. I hope you know that. VERY painful."
Director; “Well, Vivi, there’s going to be a LOT of falling in this game, so get use to it!”
~Take 2~
Vivi once more waddles like a penguin - a slightly irritated penguin - but none-the-less remains innocent as his character portrays. Someone bumps into him and Vivi refuses to fall. The child bumps into him again and he doesn’t fall. He does it yet again, and once more Vivi refuses.
Vivi; “You want a piece of me? Huh! Do you want a piece of me!!?"
Kid; “Is this even in the script?!”
~Take 3~
Once again, Vivi is walking (this guy sure has a lot of exercise to be a chubby kid) grumbling curses that not even Cid Highwind would mumble. As put in the script, a little girl slams herself against Vivi and Vivi falls down quite hard on the raw brick road.
Little girl; “Are you awright?”
Vivi; “No! I am not paid enough to do this!"
Little girl; “Um...”
Vivi; “What kind of sick creep makes a child run into everyone? Huh!? I would like to know! Do the child services know about this?! Huh!?"
Director; “Vivi...go to your trailer and cool off.”
Vivi storms off.
Rating: I would say rated PG-13 for cursing and some sexual puns.
This is also NOT a bash on Final Fantasy IX. This is harmless fun and just joking around. Do not take these seriously nor any of the characteristics I have added in the character's personalities: they are all for just fun, comedy, and amusement. ( Aka, Zidane and Blank being sex-addicts, Garnet being a psycho, Vivi being a smart-alike meanie, Steiner being depressed, Beatrix being nice, and Kuja whining about his make-up) If you don't like it...you don't have to read it. I ask for an open mind when you read this!
FINAL FANTASY IX BLOOPERS
Camera is into view: we see the unbelievably gorgeous Alexadrian general in front of us. Legs crossed in a refined debonair manner sitting in what it seems to be a set chair. Obsecured letters are hidden by her body, but we can see a definite "B" and "RIX". There is a sudden rush of people holding some powder make-up and dab it on Beatrix's face before all simutaneously scampering off. Her posture suave and aphrodisiac to the male gender, she flips a perfect curled strand away from her face awaiting to begin. There is a click heard. Beatrix begins...
Beatrix; "Greetings, fellow Final Fantasy fans. I would like to welcome you today to the all-exclusive bloopers of the oh-so-perfect latest Final Fantasy, hence number 9. But before we get the video rolling and the cast have their careers go swirling down the toliet hole before our eyes, I would like to say thanks to all of our sponsers, the cast for agreeing showing this tape, and our lovely director Sakaguchi for these bloopers. I would also like to say that us - the cast - are still perfect in every way and aspect. I do admit that we had our flaws every now and then, but this show proves our unsurpassing talent and intelligence....... ... ... ......... (her face distorts into one of an oddball) that is the most corny speech I have ever given--"
The scene is cut.
* * * * * *
BLOOPER TAPE ONE: Our Perfection
Scene one; Princess Garnet is in her room waking up from a nightmare. The curtains sway and she gets up to the window - over looking the city of Alexandria. A flock of white doves fly against the ominous sky. Not far from Alexandria, there is a theater ship floating above the clouds. The doves float above and among the theater ship. They peacefully float and all of a sudden...
Zidane; "Whoa! Dodge! The birds are doing it again!"
Baku; "My eye! My eye! I'm blind!"
Cinna; “Why must we have birds around our ship? They do ##### you know!”
Zidane and Baku are seen running aimlessly from the seemingly consipated birds.
Director; "Cut!"
* * * * * *
Zidane's first FMV cut scene, the camera focuses on Zidane as he agilly slides down a slender pole. Whilst sliding, he fumbles and slides down too fast, resulting his buttocks being rammed against the floor.
Zidane; "Oh ...*BLEEP*!!!"
~Take 2~
Same scene. Zidane once more attempts to slide down the pole like an all-star athlete, only to fall backwards from the pole and fall flat on his face.
Zidane; "....Call my agent.”
Director; “...Is it just so difficult to slide down that pole? Is it? Is it...?" (holds his face into his hands)
* * * * * *
The next scene shows Zidane getting into a dark room after he finally slid down the pole.
Zidane; "Sure is dark...Guess nobody’s here yet..."
Zidane lights a match and all of a sudden the flame catches onto his failure-of-a-fashion-statement clothes.
Zidane; "Ow! *BLEEP!*! FIRE!! HANDS!! HOT HOT HOT!! Stop, drop and roll! Stop, drop and roll!"
Zidane does as he monotonously repeats. As he disappears from the set, we hear a random crash.
Director; "This is just his first line.... ... ......... ....You fumbled your first F*Bleep!*ING LINE."
~Take 2~
Zidane lights a match and walks forward to light the candle.
“Who’s there?!”
Zidane; “It’s me, Zidane!”
They all meet up in the center of the room. They do their hand greeting.
Blank; “Hey, Zidane! You sure are late!”
Zidane; “Sorry. So where’s the boss?”
Cinna; “Ain’t here yet.”
Baku neanders in, bumping into various items and furniture wearing what it seems to be a mutant Pupu costume.
Zidane; “...The hell is it?"
Blank; “...Baku, I have shown you which f*beep*ing mask to wear 100 times, and you STILL think you're supposed to wear that...Iifa-Tree...forsaken.... ... ..... thing?"
Cinna; "Dun dun dun dunnnnn! When Pupu's intake too much chemicals." Cinna turns to the camera. "And this shows, kids," he says this in a small voice "dwugs are bad for yoo, okiee?"
Director; "Nancy! ...Get me another cup of coffee."
~Take 3~
Baku jumps out with his mask. A strand then snaps off and it is hanging in front of his face.
Zidane; “.....”
Blank; ” .....”
Cinna; “....”
Baku; “...I knew that buckle didn't go there. I just knew..."
Zidane; "That is the most frightening mixture of mammals I have ever actually seen..."
Blank; (twitching mildly) "No kidding."
* * * * * *
Zidane and the crew defeat the dragon-masked minion, and find out it is Baku...
Baku; “My Unspoken Baby Button Maker!! Blank!!! Oooh...”
Baku falls over clutching his crotch and gasping for air.
Blank; “Hey, I didn’t mean to, honest!”
Director; “Alright...cut it, and get me a medic..."
* * * * * *
Marcus; “Leave the actin’ to me! Of course, the real kidnappers’ll be Blank and Zidane!”
Blank; “I’ll distract the audience from backstage with my 'madd stripper skillz'. I can't stand lacking sex for---" (still in a dreamy state)
All; “......”
Blank; “Wait...did I say...?! CUT THE FILM!”
* * * * * *
Vivi is in a bustling crowd of nobles, or so it seems. While trying to find his way in this labyrith of bulging asses and horribly done dresses, he looks up and sees a mysterious theater ship floating above. He blinks his little beady eyes and a falling green-white gooish substance smacks right into his eye. Yes, it is bird crap kids.
Vivi; “AHHHHH!! Sweet merciful crap! My eye! My eye!”
We see Vivi fall down in pain. Marcus leans from the theater ship and waves, yelling:
Marcus; “Maybe if you didn't feed them as much perhaps they wouldn't be machine guns of #####, you know?!"
* * * * * *
We see our vertically challenged mage, Vivi, walk around at an incredibly killing slow pace in this crowd. While walking, Vivi is run into and he drops his ticket as he falls down.
Vivi; (muffled) "This is very painful. I hope you know that. VERY painful."
Director; “Well, Vivi, there’s going to be a LOT of falling in this game, so get use to it!”
~Take 2~
Vivi once more waddles like a penguin - a slightly irritated penguin - but none-the-less remains innocent as his character portrays. Someone bumps into him and Vivi refuses to fall. The child bumps into him again and he doesn’t fall. He does it yet again, and once more Vivi refuses.
Vivi; “You want a piece of me? Huh! Do you want a piece of me!!?"
Kid; “Is this even in the script?!”
~Take 3~
Once again, Vivi is walking (this guy sure has a lot of exercise to be a chubby kid) grumbling curses that not even Cid Highwind would mumble. As put in the script, a little girl slams herself against Vivi and Vivi falls down quite hard on the raw brick road.
Little girl; “Are you awright?”
Vivi; “No! I am not paid enough to do this!"
Little girl; “Um...”
Vivi; “What kind of sick creep makes a child run into everyone? Huh!? I would like to know! Do the child services know about this?! Huh!?"
Director; “Vivi...go to your trailer and cool off.”
Vivi storms off.